Ryan Miller was having a hell of a day.

He’d been jerked through a whirlwind of chaos, received death threats of an ‘innocent’ little pony, been kicked in the head (and other very important parts), nearly stabbed to death with bedazzled scissors and stripped naked.

It had not been a fun day.

Needless to say, Ryan was in a moderately foul mood when things only went downhill from there.

“Oh, but you simply must, darling!” Rarity whined at Twilight. “Can you imagine how badly my Prince Charming, my one true love will feel if I never arrive at the Gala?”

“How do you know he’s your one true love if you’ve never met?” Twilight asked wryly. She was getting sick of Rarity’s constant pestering for that ticket, and she was just as distracting as Fluttershy. Fortunately, Yellow butterfly butt had decided to drift off elsewhere, though for god knows what. Ryan guessed it couldn’t be good.

Or maybe she’d just gotten sick of Whiney Whitey.

Twilight really was doing her damned best to get to the library, although Rarity certainly wasn’t making it easy. “Look, darling, we’ll swap, hm? My lovely new sunhat for one itsy bitsy teeny weeny ticket, sounds like a fair deal to me!”

Rarity levitated a large, billowing sunhat in front of Twilight to show her, and jammed it on her head before she could reply.

“Look – hnng – dear, it… hrm! Fits perfectly!” Rarity struggled, forcing the hat onto Twilight’s head.

“That’s quite enough, Rarity; I just can’t decide who I’m giving the other ticket to the Gala to… I… I just need time!” Twilight strained to remove the poofy yellow sunhat, eventually removing it with a pop! before she handed it back to her friend. “Just some time, is all I need.”

“Oh… Alright, dear…” Rarity said, though she didn’t sound very sure. She went on her own way, throwing several glances back over her shoulder at Twilight, perhaps as if hoping she’d change her mind halfway.

After Rarity was a good distance away, Twilight groaned unhappily. Which, of course, only made it funnier to Ryan.

“What’s the matter, Purple? Hard time disappointing anyone?”

“It’s not funny, you.” she sighed, trudging toward the huge tree, dragging her hooves. Spike hopped off her back to get to the door, and just in time, too.

A speeding, rainbow colored blur slammed into Twilight, knocking her off to the side with an Oof! They tumbled and twisted, finally crashing into a wall, narrowly missing a large trash can. Twilight, fairly shaken, pried her eyes back open, only to find that the world had twisted itself upside down. Or, rather, she’d landed upside down, and discovered such just in time to finish slipping down the wall next to yet another Pegasus.

All of this took place within a span of about four seconds, giving Ryan just enough time to gawk at the fact that Purple had just been smashed into by a predominantly cerulean blue Pegasus, be thankful for the fact that it wasn’t him, and quickly decide that, yes, it was quite funny.

He couldn’t tell how Twilight knew, and from the glares she gave him as she shakily stood, she definitely knew.

It was probably the hysterical laughter that gave it away.

“Hey, Twi! What’s this I hear about a ticket to the Gala? As in, the Grand Galloping Gala?”

“Oh, for Celestia’s sake.”

With as much trouble as Twilight was going through, this was like freakin’ candy to Ryan. He sorely wished for some popcorn to sit back and watch the show.

It was little moments like these that made it completely worth being kicked in the head.

Well. Almost completely worth being kicked in the head.

“Omigoshomigoshomigoshomigosh! The Grand Galloping Gala, and I even hear that the Wonderbolts are going to be there, can you even-“

“Rainbow Dash, I can’t give the ticket to you.”

Well, way to cut the fun short, Purple.

“Tell her why you can’t give her the ticket, and how disappointed your friends are in you!” Ryan cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted to her ‘helpfully’.

He swore, if that pony had hands, she’d have mangled him by now.

Besides, he was positive he saw a blur of yellow moving in the library…

And he got the feeling it’d be worth stalling for.

Twilight’s head drooped a little in guilt. “I… I’m sorry, Dash. But… I just have so many others asking for a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala, and I only have two, and – Aaagh!”

The grey metal trash can beside Twilight burst open with a clang!, and a bright pink pony with a bouncy, bubblegum colored mane jutted her head out.

“Gasp! Did somepony say something about a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala?!”
Like freakin’ candy.

Pink bounced back into the trash can, closing the lid neatly above her with a snap. Which confused the hell out of Ryan, watching her skip happily around the corner of the building almost immediately after she did so.

… ‘The fuck.

“I hear that the Grand Galloping Gala has the best sorts of parties! The partiest of parties! And what party is a party party without Pinkie Pie? ‘Cause then it’s not a Pinkie Pie party party, it’s just a party party-!”

Judging from the colorful balloons on this one’s flank, he was guessing that Pinkie Pie had a thing for parties.

“No, Pinkie!” Twilight snapped, heading for the library once more. “The situation is the same as I told Rainbow, before Ryan… wait.” She stopped midsentence, eyebrows furrowing. “Rainbow Dash.” She said slowly.

“Yes, oh bestest friend of the best flyer in all of Equestria?” Rainbow Dash replied sweetly, nudging a puffy white cloud over Twilight for shade. She gave her friend a huge smile before settling down excitedly in front of her.

“… You know, most other ponies we’ve crossed today have been pretty weirded out by my new friend, here.”

“Oh, well, you see, uh…” Dash stuttered, beginning to shuffle back and forth nervously.

“So,” Twilight asked casually. “how long have you been following us?”

“…”

“Dash!”

“All day!” she confessed, wings flapping down to her sides defensively. “I was just curious, and when I heard about the tickets…!”

Twilight sighed, looking wearily at her friend. “What about you, Pinkie – Pie? Where did you go?” she whirled around, only to find Pinkie and Ryan chatting animatedly. And, for once, it would appear the smile on Ryan’s face wasn’t brought about through sheer maliciousness.

“So, like, you a spy too?”

“Of course not, silly filly! I don’t even have a cardboard box!” the little pink pony practically pranced around Ryan, looking him over excitedly. “I use most of my cardboard for storing party supplies… Ooh! You’re Twi’s new friend, right? That means you must be our new friend, too! I can’t wait to throw you a ‘Welcome to Equestria’ party! And an after party party, and the cleanup party after the after party party, and-“

“Whoa, chill out, Pink.” Ryan said, holding up a hand. She reminded him so much of his ludicrously hyperactive cousin Danielle, it was almost spooky. Well, at least Pink wasn’t nearly as much into Japanese animation as his cousin. That made things slightly less weird.

Less weird helps with ponies that have a tendency of shattering the laws of physics on a regular basis.

“Tell you what,” Ryan said. “You tell me exactly why you’re not surprised to see me, and I’ll come to your party.” It was an outright lie, but it’d help get him a little more information than he currently had.

“Pinkie Promise?” the pony asked, stopping suddenly in front of him. She gave him a dead serious look, right into his eyes. It was a little spooky; he almost felt that if he broke his promise, she’d know. He shook off such a ridiculous notion, and shook his head. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

“Cross your heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in your-“

“Whoa, I’m not that desperate!”

“Eye?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah.” Ryan agreed, scratching the back of his greasy head.

It was then that Ryan noticed Purple staring intently at him, watching them. That was… interesting. He made a personal mental note to use more convincing lies in front of Twilight.

“You’re not the first human in Equestria, silly!”

Okay, that caught him off guard.

“Wait, what? How did you know I’m human? Are there others like me here?”

“Nopey dopey!” Pinkie announced cheerfully, resuming her roundabout bouncing.

“But- but you said I’m not the first…?”

“And not the last!”

“So, where are they?” Ryan was starting to get annoyed. Sure, this pony was okay. Especially since her color was in her name. Easy to remember. But she was starting to get on his nerves.

“Here!”

“You said they weren’t here!”

“Well, not right here, silly! They’re in Equestria!” Trying to keep up with her sense of logic was starting to break his brain.

“Hold up. Then how come Purple – “ he said, jabbing a thumb accusingly at Twilight. “said she never heard of humans before? Ain’t she supposed to be the smart one, or something?”

Pinkie blinked at him, and burst out giggling. “Not this Equestria. Just in Equestria!”

“… What.”

And with that, she bounced off, leaving him far more confused than he was before he met her.

And, believe me, he was plenty confused before he met Pinkie Pie.

For a moment, the only ones left outside the library were a silent Twilight Sparkle, a guiltily shuffling Pegasus, and one very befuddled shaved ape.

“… Okay, ‘the fuck just happened.”

“I, uh… think I’ll come back later.” Rainbow Dash said slowly, flapping her wings quickly and took off. At an impressively high speed, too; it occurred to Ryan that he could probably get around a lot quicker here if he put a saddle on one of the horses, since there didn’t seem to be any cars. The only problem being that he didn’t have a saddle.

Well, and he doubted any of the locals would take too kindly to being ridden.

Twilight sighed heavily, gesturing with her head towards the door. “Let’s just go inside. We need to get things sorted out with – Fluttershy?”

Completely worth stalling for.

Fluttershy was zipping around the library mid-air, holding Spike aloft so that he could rearrange books haphazardly.

That wasn’t the surprising part.

The surprising part came from the freakin’ multitude of forest critters, swarming around doing their best to clean and tidy up. Hell, he saw a squirrel using its tail as a makeshift broom. A couple of chipmunks, one in a tiny brown jacket and another in a flowered red shirt, were busy squabbling over a rather large dust bunny. Ryan was slightly amazed that it hadn’t been torn apart by the two. He was also slightly amazed that he had barely avoided stepping on them, and the two barely even noticed his existence.

Then again, after the encounter with Pinkie, his sense of surprise was a little out of whack.

“Damn, this is some Cinderella shit, right here.”

“Fluttershy, what are you doing?” Twilight barked in agitation.

“Oh, I’m just-“

“That’s it!” Twilight yelled, and all at once everything in the room just… stopped. Which seemed to surprise Flutterella as well, apparently.

Her horn glowed with a bright violet, and every living thing in the room steadily floated up into the air, zooming out the door one by one. Eventually, all the woodland animals drifted out of the house, leaving only Spike, the two ponies, and Ryan.

Who was floating in the air, helpless once again.

He hated being helpless almost as much as he was starting to hate unicorns.

Twilight huffed angrily, flipping her hair – er, mane – out of the way as she set everything else down on the ground gently with her telekinesis. Ryan’s back hit the floor with a slight flump, and he sat up gingerly.

No outbursts of anger… hold it… wait for it… he thought to himself, clenching his fists. It gradually passed as he let it go, which he was glad for. He hadn’t spent all that time stalling just so he could be the one to explode.

“Fluttershy…” Twilight began through clenched teeth.

Here it comes…! Ryan thought with barely suppressed glee.

“I… I’m sorry, Twilight.” Fluttershy muttered, bowing her head in shame. Her wings tucked in sharply, and she did her best to look even smaller and less intimidating.

Twilight sighed, hugging her friend. “It’s okay. I completely understand.”

No, wait. What?

“No, wait. What?”

Twilight looked at Ryan, confused. “What do you mean, what?”

“I mean, seriously! ‘The fuck! These little bastards have been pestering you all day for those little scraps of paper! You should be angry! And righteously so!” Ryan roared, standing up and shaking a finger at her. “As a matter of fact, I’m shocked you haven’t punched one of your friends in the face yet!”

“I don’t know how things work where you come from,” Twilight began slowly. “but Fluttershy; all of them. They’re all right. They are my friends. And no friendship is worth throwing away, even to present something like… well, you at the Gala.”

Rarity, who had been opening the door, stood with her mouth agape. “Oh, darling. I had no idea you were so distressed over the whole ordeal! And to think, I had been coming back over simply to apologize to you – oh, you poor thing!” she cried, flinging herself at Twilight to give her a hug.

“Well, darn. Guess somepony beat me to the punch.” Applejack admitted with a sheepish grin as she trotted through the door behind Rarity, pulling her hat down a little over her eyes. It took her all of a split second to cross the room and join her friends.

How the hell they could hug anything without any arms was beyond Ryan.

“Yuppie duppie guppie!” Pinkie Pie giggled, prancing down the stairs and leaping off of them halfway to meet her friends.

“Pinkie, how did – ah, forget it.” Twilight said with a smile, welcoming her into the group hug.

“I, uh… I don’t suppose it’s too late for-“ Rainbow Dash began, sticking her head in self-consciously through the window by the stairs.

“Of course there’s room for the awesomest flyer in Equestria!” Pinkie squealed, grabbing Dash’s hooves and yanking her though the window to the rest of the group. They shared a ‘daaww picture perfect Kodak moment’ hug for several seconds, before Twilight poked her head out from the middle of the group. “Spike,” she announced. “Take a letter.”

Well, that was a day not well spent.

“… So you sent back the tickets.”

“Yup.” Twilight said.

“… You sent back. The tickets.”

“Even though I’d give just about anything to be by Princess Celestia’s side at the Gala, giving up my friends or disappointing the rest isn’t something I’d do.”

“You tell him, Twi.” Applejack said, stretching her back. They’d been sitting in the library for quite a while now, and it wouldn’t be much longer before the sun went down. Spike sat on the stairs, glaring at Ryan angrily.

It wasn’t his fault. He was just trying to help send the damned letter. But, apparently, dangling the dragon upside down by his tail didn’t help things at all.

( “Well, you barfed the letter out!”

“It doesn’t go in the other end!” )

Twilight was horrified at Ryan’s confusion, although the rest of the ponies seemed to find it hilarious. Particularly Pinkie, which worried him slightly for reasons unknown. Even Fluttershy was doing her best to keep from laughing.

No, Spike wasn’t going to forgive him for that one for a long, long time. But Ryan didn’t really worry about that. Pfft. What were the odds that Spike would ever be bigger than him in this lifetime?

“You sent. Back. The tic-“

“YES, we know,” Twilight said. “And I don’t-“ she was immediately cut off by Spike, who promptly belched out yet another rolled up scroll.

“You’ve got mail.” Ryan declared in his best robotic voice as Twilight unrolled it, and Spike rubbed his stomach satisfactorily. As she did so, the rest of her gathered friends gasped in surprise as a handful (hoof full?) of golden tickets showered out, littering the ground.

The group made so much racket with their excitement it could have woken the dead.

“Quiet down, quiet down!” Ryan shouted unhelpfully, adding to the ruckus. Seeing that the whole room was filled with books, he quickly grabbed a pair of the shelf and did what every kindergartener did at every opportunity.

He took the pair of books and slammed them together as hard as he could.

The resulting SLAM! shook the ponies out of their chatter and left them all quite shell-shocked, which Ryan noted with great satisfaction.

“Okay, one more question.” Ryan said to them all, holding up a finger. “From what I’ve heard over the course of the day, I’m guessing you all know who Princess Celestia is, right?”

“Well, evidently, darling,” Rarity said. “Who do you think helped her with the whole Nightmare Moon situation?”

“Hang on. You all know this princess personally?”

They all balked at him, nodding their heads.

“Okay. So, the princess knows you all personally after you, what, saved her hide?”

“Something like that,” Twilight said slowly.

“… So… why did she only send two tickets the first time?”

Oh, look. Fluttershy’s eye-twitch is back.

Author's Notes:

Thanks for the read, and hope you enjoyed.
A very special thanks to all the reviewers and commentators out there!