Ryan was in a state of shock.

For one, there was another human.

Secondly, nopony else in the bar seemed to notice or care about their existence.

And, finally…

“Christ, you’re a jerk.”

“The name’s Dan! And watch who you’re callin’ a jerk, jerk!” the comparatively much smaller man stood atop the bar stool, roughly yanking Ryan down to his height by the front of his collar. The spiky black hair, beady green eyes, and sharp little teeth made him look like an exceptionally vicious garden gnome.

Dan wore a plain pair of blue jeans (which Ryan was slightly envious of, he missed his own) and a black tee shirt, with the word ‘JERK’ spelled out in white block letters. Quite frankly, he looked as if he hadn’t bathed or shaved in a while.

Then again, so did Ryan.

“… Okay, I’m gonna say this real slow, so you can understand…” Ryan enunciated slowly as he attempted to pry the smaller man’s hands away from his collar. Which was more difficult than he thought it would be, he had an iron grip. “I. Will. Break. You.”

The two had been arguing for nearly the past ten minutes straight, and the poor blue Pegasus next to them just sighed heavily and went back to scribbling, chugging down another mug of what Ryan unhappily discovered was only cider. The bartender, who still had yet to say a single word, simply wiped off the counter with the exact same old rag he’d been using. The counter couldn’t have looked any cleaner, though; it seemed to have a thick layer of glass over the wooden top.

“Oh, yeah, tough guy?” Dan threatened, balling up his fists. “You and what army?”

An egg-white hoof came down gently atop the shoulder of Dan, and behind him, Ryan could see a pony with brightly colored light and dark blue hair, eyes hidden behind a pair of large sunglasses. Why she was wearing them inside was beyond Ryan.

“Come on, man. Don’t start that again-“

“Shove it!” both Dan and Ryan shouted immediately. Sunglasses sharply withdrew her hoof, holding both of them up in surprise. The fact that she could display surprise was impressive enough, considering how much of her face the sunglasses covered. The only two humans in the bar looked back at each other, eyes widening slightly.

“… Ppffpfftnk.”

“Bwa-hahahahaha!”

It took all of about four seconds for the two to burst out into hysterics, leaving one very confused Vinyl Scratch backing slowly away.

Dan clapped Ryan on the shoulder, sitting back down on the stool. “You know, you’re not so bad!”

“I get that a lot.” Ryan said, waving over at the bartender. Despite the events that transpired, the lime green pony looked fairly bored. Very bored, now that Ryan thought about it…

The fact that this fully grown one didn’t have a cutie mark made things slightly… odder.

“You kinda remind me of my good friend, Chris!”

“Well, that’s good to kn-“

“He’s an enormous, brain-dead, lazy, gluttonous, useless lummox.”

“I get that a lot.”

Dan chuckled again, picking up a mug of the cider and chugging it quickly. Ryan looked at his suspiciously. He hadn’t ordered anything, and the lime green bartender had simply placed it before him wordlessly before continuing his endless task of wiping the counter, before the picked up a small mop in his hands and stalked off toward one of the tables where the younger fillies had spilled something.

“Ah, it’s not gonna kill ya’.” Dan said reassuringly. “And, hey. If it does, I’ll bury the body for ya’. No thanks necessary.”

“… ‘The fuck is it?” Ryan asked, swirling it around a bit. “All I’ve really had since I got here was… well, just some apples and water.”

“See? This is what’s wrong with this dump,” Dan complained loudly. Ryan could have sworn he saw the returning bartender’s eye twitch slightly. “you can’t even get a good steak here!”

Ryan was about agree wholeheartedly with him, but paused. Pinkie had said something about other humans being in Equestria, but not being in Equestria…

“So…” Ryan tried changing the topic nonchalantly, “… how did you get here?”

“Through the door. Duh.”

Ryan facepalmed, thinking quickly. “No, I meant… uh, here. With all these ponies.”

“Not a clue. It probably has something to do with my evil telemarketer clone, though.”

Well, so much for getting information on a quick way home. Knowing his luck though, he’d probably just wind up even further away.

Ryan sighed, finally taking a small sip of the cider. It wasn’t too bad, really; it was a bit spicier than he expected, with a zingy aftertaste. Pleasant. “Well, that settles it. I’m fucked.”

“Hey, buddy, look on the bright side!” Dan exclaimed with a grin, finishing off his own mug. Those sharp little teeth didn’t make his smile look any friendlier, though. “… Uh…” he thought for a moment, scratching his black goatee.

After a couple of moments, he slammed his mug on the counter nearly hard enough to make it crack. “I got nothin’. Best case scenario, we both die, cold and alone in a no-win situation.”

“See, now that’s my kind of luck.” Ryan shrugged with a self-pitying sigh. He shoved it off, though; self-pity never helped anyone.

“Hey, bartender!” Dan shouted to the lime green pony, despite the fact that he was only feet away. “Got anything stronger than this swill for my friend, here?”

For the first time, Ryan actually heard the bored bartender speak. He had a deep, gravelly voice, yet somehow managed to sound cool and collected simultaneously. “Nothing until after dark.”

Well, that was one good sign. There might actually be alcohol should he come back later. Ryan perked up slightly at this. He checked his wrist, before remembering that he didn’t own a watch. Dan, seeing this, asked “What, am I boring you now?” offended.

It had been nearly twenty minutes since he’d entered the 8-Bits, and Twilight’s warning about Pinkie’s party floated through his mind. He groaned inwardly, not looking forward to the hyperactive pink pony’s antics. In the corner, the red Pegasus working on an arcade machine had finally managed to get something working, but it was only playing music sporadically, eventually cutting out completely. From the sounds of it, Ryan would have guessed it was something by Tears For Fears.

Something about a room without lights, or some such nonsense.

“Nah, man. I’ve got, uh… previous engagements.”

“Yuppie duppie!”

“AAAAGH!” Ryan and Dan screamed simultaneously, falling off of their stools. Pinkie Pie bounced excitedly up and down behind the bar, jabbering to them both.

“Ohmigosh, did you see the looks on your faces? I wish I could show you! Oh, wait…!” she said, stretching her face out to the limits and giving her best horrified expression with a blaaagh!, her tongue hanging out. She collapsed into a fit of giggles, laughing hysterically.

And with that, she dropped back beneath the counter.

“GODDAMMIT, PINKIE, YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART… attack?” he finished with a near whisper, peering behind the empty counter, save for the bartender. “… How…?”

Dan struggled back up to the counter, gasping for breath. “Gonna…. Mangle….!” He choked, clutching his left side.

Ryan glared with confusion and a little bit of fear at the bartender. “Where is she?!”

He shrugged, shifting a couple of hefty looking bottles behind him around. “No idea. She does that sometimes.”

“You can’t just go around, breaking the laws of physics all willy-nilly!” Dan roared at the bartender, who simply gave him a level look. This lime green pony was unshakeable.

He cleared his throat, setting the bottles down for a moment. “Excuse me, everyone. Pinkie Pie just broke the laws of physics. Again.”

This went mainly unnoticed, except for a couple of ponies near the door that chuckled quietly before going back to their drinks.

“See?” he said, the drooping, bored expression never leaving his face. “We get all sorts in the Eight-Bits.”

“I’m telling you, Dan. This whole place is making me lose my – Dan?” Ryan asked, turning on the spot. However, the little angry man was nowhere to be seen. He also noticed that the music had cut out again, and the pub had gone uncomfortably quiet.

“We get all sorts in the Eight-Bits.” The bartender repeated monotonously, scrubbing at the counter once again without dropping his gaze. Now slightly uneasy, Ryan began backing away toward the door. The group of ponies he’d seen earlier simply sat and watched him back away. One of them in particular, an indigo earth pony, lightly brushed his sleeve as he passed.

“Hail, Dawnbreaker.”

Well, that wasn’t cryptic at all.

One of the other ponies sitting at the table, a dull, rust colored one, slapped his hoof away quickly. “Sorry, don’t mind him,” he apologized, a fleeting look of panic flittering across his equine face. “He’s just a little… off. Spending too much time here does that to some ponies.” He gave a nervous little chuckle, and he looked more than a little scared. Almost as much so as Ryan felt. He needed to get out of here – now.

He shoved his way past them, bursting out through the door, his heart racing in his chest as the sun beat down on him. He had no idea why that burst of panic had suddenly settled on him, and he was sweating like crazy. He turned about to face the pub, trying to catch his breath, before he turned about face once again and ran as fast as he could toward Sugarcube Corner.

Hail, Dawnbreaker.

Why did that sound so familiar to him?

And, more importantly, why did it leave him feeling so sick when he thought about it?

“Yay! You made it after all!” Pinkie exclaimed excitedly, bouncing around Ryan.

“…’Course I did. I said I’d be here, didn’t I?” Ryan grunted, crossing his arms across his chest. He refused to let any of the others know just how badly he’d been inexplicably frightened just a short while ago.

“Well, it’s about time!” Twilight scolded him, ushering out the last of the partygoers through the front door.

“Hey, fuck you, Purple. I went as fast as I could.”

“What could’ve possibly taken you that long?”

“I was getting a drink.” He defended, glaring at her.

“Okay, but for that long? Really?” she said, exasperated. He really had no idea just how much of Pinkie Twilight had to deal with, repeatedly ensuring her that Ryan would, in fact, be arriving.

“Christ, chill out, would you please?” he groaned, leaning against a wall. They probably wanted him to help clean up the mess from the party. “I’m gone for fifteen, twenty minutes and you try tearin’ my head off!”

Twilight’s head tilted slightly, confused. “… Have you seen a clock this afternoon?”

“It’s mornin’, dipshit.” He pointed out, flipping her off angrily.

Her confusion only grew as she pointed out the window at the afternoon shadows, and gently said “… Ryan. You’ve been missing for the past seven hours.”

Okay, now that got his attention.

“… Uh… what?” his hands dropped down to his sides lamely. She was right, when he checked the sky outside; it was late afternoon already.

“But… but that can’t be right!” he said, heart racing. “That’s… that’s impossible! Tell her – tell her I was only gone for a few minutes, right, Pink?” he pleaded to Pinkie, who was deflating balloons by popping them, leaping atop each one happily.

“Nopie-dopie-lopie! Been right here, the whole time!”

“But-but-but-but-!” Ryan stuttered, befuddled.

“She’s right, Ryan.” Twilight said slowly as she beckoned him down, placing a hoof carefully on top of his head. “Maybe you hit your head harder than you thought…”

“Bullshit!” Ryan shoved her away, panicking. “You were there! That old dump – the one that’s bigger on the inside than it really looks! The Eight-Bits!” he was getting desperate. “You told me to go in there!”

“… Ryan, the last thing I heard from you was ‘I’m gonna check something out,’” she did her best Ryan impression in a low, husky voice. “and after that, we didn’t see you again all day. I’ve never even heard of any place in Ponyville called… er…”

“Eight-Bits!” Ryan shouted, clenching his fists. “I was… you were…!”

Twilight and Pinkie exchanged nervous looks, before Twilight said “… Look, you’ve had a long day. You should get some rest, or-“

“I’m not crazy!” Ryan said, and he realized he’d been shouting quite a bit. He forced himself to calm down, slowing his breathing. He hadn’t realized just how badly he was beginning to frighten these two.

“… Look. I just… I don’t like things I can’t explain. So, if you have any reasons or excuses as to how I just missed about seven hours out of the day, I’d love to hear it.”

Twilight opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, but didn’t say anything. Ryan cursed himself for shouting at them; it probably only made them even more reluctant to tell him anything. He sagged unhappily against the wall, grinding his palms against his eyes as he thought furiously.

That bartender… he wondered if he knew something about it.

“Okay. Okay. Okay,” Ryan repeated to himself. “I can take you to it.” He said, standing up. “And then, I’ll prove to you that I’m not loony.”

“… Is this another one of your ‘eccentric’ jokes?” Twilight asked, deadpanning.

“It was here! It was right fucking here!” Ryan jabbed a finger at the empty street, directly at a cobblestone wall. The hanging wooden sign was gone, along with the boarded up window and rickety door. There were only stones in its. Rather dusty stones, from the looks of them. It was like the place had never even been there at all.

“I’m not makin’ this shit up, I swear!” Ryan begged her.

“… I believe you.” Twilight muttered softly. It was a lie, of course; but, then again, egging Ryan into thinking he really was losing his mind certainly wasn’t going to help anyone in the long run.

“You… you do?” he asked uncertainly, trying to calm himself down.

Hail, Dawnbreaker.

“Absolutely!” Twilight said with a sudden smile, perking up. “After all, there are numerous magical anomalies occurring all over Equestria, all the time; who knows what it could’ve been!” she wasn’t making all of it up. For all she knew, Ryan’s arrival in Equestria could have been caused by some form of magical mishap.

Ryan ran a hand raggedly through his greasy hair, thinking. “… Yeah…. Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

“I usually am,” she stated with false confidence. And with that, she turned on the spot and made for the library. Ryan eventually left the spot where the 8-Bits had been, throwing the occasional glance over his shoulder. Who knows… maybe it really was all just figments of his imagination…

Well, of course it’s imaginary. That’s not to say it wasn’t REAL.

Ryan jumped, looking around for the source of the voice. It almost sounded like it was echoing behind his ears, and he immediately recognized it as the same one laughing at him before, in the strange place with all the colors… and it was much clearer, more pronounced than before.

Wow, perhaps he was going crazy.

Oh, no, my dear boy. You’re frightfully sane, I’m afraid.

“Just shut up!”

Twilight, who had been carrying on a sadly one-sided conversation, jumped at his sudden outburst, looking both confused and hurt. Ryan immediately felt a twinge of guilt, both for frightening her once again and not paying attention.

“Oh, uh… not you,” he said, holding up a hand. “I was, uh… contacting… the, uh… Mother Ship.”

“… Contacting the Mother Ship.” Twilight repeated slowly, as if he had already lost his mind long ago.

“Yeah,” he lied, scratching the back of his head nervously. “you know how us eccentric humans get without our tinfoil, and all that.” He let out a weak chuckle, hoping she bought it.

“Right…” she said, continuing to the library as if nothing had occurred. “I, er… just need to prepare another letter to Princess Celestia before dinner; I asked Spike to start on spaghetti.”

Ryan was a little surprised. He didn’t even know Spike could cook anything. To be honest, he was just expecting more apples.

“While I’m doing that, why don’t you wash up?” she asked him as she opened the library door. “Because, seriously, you smell terrible.”

“Golly gee whiz, you sure know how to boost morale,” Ryan said dryly. She looked a bit nervous when she mentioned him washing up, which could just be because she thought he was off his rocker…

That, or she wasn’t being entirely honest about something or other. He’d begun to pick up on her little cues after a while. What he hadn’t realized, however, was that she had begun to do the same.

It was true, though. He did smell terrible.

“Just point the way.” He grunted, crossing his arms across his chest. He didn’t even know the ponies had bathrooms in the first place. That would have definitely been worth knowing before the incident with Fluttershy’s garden.

Those poor flowers would never grow the same.

Ryan latched the door behind him, lighting up a nearby oil lamp with a resigned sigh.

She definitely knew something; but he doubted he was going to drag it out of her. No, his best bet was to find some other form of information. Knowing Twilight, she probably had it written down somewhere. But that would have to wait for later.

He gingerly peeled off his hand stitched (hoof stitched?) clothes that Rarity made for him, careful not to pull too much at the bandages. The scowl on his face deepening, he realized that he couldn’t get into the bath with the bandages on. Not without turning into a giant human Bandaid-prune, anyway.

The porcelain claw foot tub was just large enough for him to clamber into, but he would probably have to draw his legs up to fit in properly. Tossing the slightly crusty bandages into a wastebasket, he began filling the tub with hot water and eventually sank into it. Closing his eyes slowly, he relaxed in the nearly scalding water and let his mind drift. Events of the past few days floated through his mind, and he vaguely wondered if he really were just imagining all of this.

That’d be nice; to know that he didn’t really have to worry about anything, that he was actually wrapped up in a rubber room. Unfortunately, the hot water on rabbit-wounds felt real enough to dismiss that theory almost immediately.

His fingers lingered slightly over both old wounds and new; one from being pitched through a window, two from a knife fight years ago, quite a few on the legs and ribs from Carlos…

Just a walking bundle of joy, aren’t you?

Ryan nearly leaped out of the water, eyes jerking open. He was thankful that he thoughtlessly poured such a large quantity of soap into the water, as the bubbles covered quite a bit. He found that he’d suddenly become much more self-conscious than he was about five seconds ago.

“… So, you gonna show yourself, or is watching people in the bath just how you get your jollies?” Ryan asked no one in particular scornfully, glaring about the empty room.

Oh, please, the voice replied immediately. Upon reflection, it sounded more like a middle-aged man than anything else. If that were the case, you’d be the last person on my list. Not nearly…’ curvaceous’ enough for my tastes, shall we say.

“And what exactly is it you’re sayin’?” Ryan asked the air humorlessly.

I mean you’re not very pretty.

“Fuck you.”

You’re not my type.

Ryan’s eye twitched in frustration. “Look, just tell me what this is about, then go the fuck away.”

Oh, I’d forgotten how droll your type can be.

“You couldn’t have helped out in that place, the Eight-Bits?”

For a moment, he could almost hear the confusion. Never heard of it.

Ryan crossed his arms, sinking further into the tub. “If you got nothin’ good to say, then I ain’t talkn’, either.”

Hm. And here I was, under the innocent impression that you actually wanted to go home.

Ryan’s ears perked up, and his eyes widened a little.

“Yeah, sounds great. Just listen to the little voices in my head. What could possibly go wrong with that?” he spat sarcastically, although he held onto a sliver of hope.

I could do so much more than send you home; I could give you power. I could make you a king.

Ryan snorted, although he didn’t dismiss the voice. “And how do I know you’re not lyin’, voice?”

If you want me to prove myself, then you have to do absolutely everything I say, when I say it. And as far as names go…

If Ryan could see where the voice was coming from, he’d have sworn the speaker was drawing himself up dramatically.

You may call me Discord.

When Ryan didn’t answer, the newly dubbed ‘Discord’ lowly spoke.

… Perhaps an act of good faith is in order.

Much to his surprise, he found that the hot water stung his wounds a lot less. Not because he couldn’t feel them anymore; it was because he didn’t have them anymore.

“… I’m listening.”

Ryan grumbled angrily, wrapping fresh bandages onto his bunny wounds.

He’d been pleasantly surprised to discover that this ‘Discord’ character had healed his cuts so willingly. At least, until Ryan ‘politely’ turned him down. He should’ve known he’d come to regret that one. The moment Ryan told Discord to do highly unspeakable things to himself with gardening equipment, the presence withdrew immediately.

And every single one of Ryan’s bunny wounds had reappeared.

Turns out, open rabbit cuts and hot soap don’t mix very well.

Discord even offered to give Ryan a quick-fix option, allowing him to take his place as Discord’s crony with just a couple of words. Ryan dismissed him almost right off the bat. He’d had his fill of playing the part of crony before, and he’d only suffered for it.

After he finished tying off the wounds with the bandages he’d found beneath the sink, he redressed and quietly stuck his head out the door. From the sound of it, Twilight was downstairs. And, from the breaking of plates and her tone of voice, he’d say Spike had just broken something.

Or, rather, Spike was being blamed for breaking something.

Meaning that maybe…

He said I’d have time…

Then again, Discord had proven himself to be a fickle bastard, so he could just be lying.

Now or never.

Ryan quietly slipped further upstairs, careful to avoid making any noise on the wooden steps. They looked like they were carved right out of the tree, but he wasn’t taking any chances. He tiptoed along the edges, swiftly inching his way up to the top.

Ryan eventually found himself in the study, although the mass of scrolls he’d gone through before were missing. Skipping right by everything else, he honed in on a writing desk on a slightly elevated platform, which Discord had informed him was personally Twilight’s.

Throwing a quick glance over his shoulder, he began quietly rummaging about through the drawers, until he found what he was looking for.

Just as Discord said, copies of every single letter Twilight had sent the Princess was kept on file.

Huh. Guess he’s good for something, after all.

He rapidly scanned letter after letter, careful not to mix any of them up or shift them too far out of place. He gave each one a quick onceover before moving on to the next one, picking up a few words here and there from each letter.

… Of the preparations-

… all because of Applejack, before-

… was instead, Nightmare Moon! Precisely as-

… perhaps ‘friendship’ isn’t quite-

… although the subject appears to frequently-

… knowing where that will lead, these ‘Elements of Harmony’ appear-

Hang on, what was that one about a subject?

Ryan flipped back through the pages, furrowing his brow, until he found what he was looking for. He spotted the section, and read a portion of the letter as fast as he could.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I have been monitoring the subject closely, and it appears to possess the particular behavioral model that you had anticipated. Disregarding the fact that it is clearly suspicious, I have followed your orders to a ‘T’, and eagerly await further instructions. Enclosed are the biological scans you requested, although I could only gather a certain number, considering the fact that the subject was unconscious at the time, and rather uncooperative when awake. I have begun to suspect that it is not quite the abominable killing machine you had predicted, although the subject appears to frequently refer to murder as a form of problem solving. VERY frequently, actually. Most often coupled with rather graphically detailed threats and suggestions as to where particular construction implements should be forcefully placed.

Ryan had to grin at the last part. So, it would appear that Discord was telling the truth…

Twilight knew more than she was letting on.

A lot more.

“Dinner’s getting cold, you know!” Ryan jumped, hearing the unicorn’s voice drift up the stairs. He swiftly replaced everything the best he could, quietly slipping back downstairs.

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time!” he shouted, hoping like hell no one had noticed his little jaunt.

“That was the first time I said it,” Twilight said with a sigh, and he could hear the rustle and bustle of the two in the dining area. He wiped a bead of cold sweat off his forehead, his mind buzzing with thoughts.

So.

She knew he was going to arrive in Equestria.

And, more importantly, so did this Princess Celestia.

It was high time he got to the bottom of things, before any more time was wasted. As he joined the pair downstairs with his best effort to not look like he’d just been snooping around for information, the thought occurred to him that disturbed him quite a bit.

The Eight-Bits was a place that even Discord didn’t know about, and Discord could speak directly into his head.

Not even Twilight remembered anything about it, and she was the one who told him about it. For some reason, he was the only one to remember anything about it.

And when dealing with magical creatures, any place with that kind of ability was definitely likely to ensure Ryan’s eventual return to it, one way or another. It was either that, or hand himself over to Discord. And he’d even made it very, very simple for Ryan… all it would take is a couple of words.

It was tempting, but he’d rather take his chances with the reality-warping bar. Hell, if he could even call this reality.

The stinging bunny wounds felt real enough, though.

Crash.

“Spike, not again!”

Author's Notes:

Hold on to your hooves, there's more on the way.

I would've preferred to have this out earlier, but I am absolutely loathe to upload any chapter that feels too short. If you're reading a decent story, it should be a decent length. Plus, I hate it when a chapter feels rushed, so I hope taking a little extra time for proofreading and such doesn't cause any problems.

Here's to you, faithful readers!

-Mo