Fluttershy really wasn’t all that bad, Ryan thought vaguely, once you got to know her.

Well, and once you got past the crippling evident psychosis. In hindsight, perhaps dropkicking the rabbit wasn’t the best idea Ryan ever had. Although, the fact that Angel immediately opened up a can of whoop-ass afterwards prevented Fluttershy from taking any further action aside from insisting bed rest.

Ryan spent most of the day bored out of his skull.

“Now, you stay right there, and I mean it!”

Ryan glared at her coldly, hands folded neatly across his lap.

“Er, um… if… if that’s… okay with you, I mean…”

He silently waved Fluttershy off, closing his eyes to take a nap. Or, at least, that’s the impression he was giving. As soon as she was gone, however, Ryan slipped back up. Tightening his bandages, he took a few cautionary steps. He winced at his ribs, but decided it’d be fine if he didn’t stretch too far on the right side. He quickly scanned the area, making sure than Fluttershy hadn’t come back for anything she’d forgotten. Like the demon bunny. Seeing neither of them, he relaxed a little.

Close enough.

And with that, Ryan Miller slipped silently away.

“Wassup, Orange?”

Applejack jerked awake, falling to the ground with an Oomph! as she did so. She hadn’t even noticed she’d fallen asleep; the last thing she remembered was…

Desperately trying to finish with this bucking orchard. She groaned, rubbing her eyes. “Howdy, partner,” she said, stifling a yawn.

“Christ, you look like shit.”

Always the subtle gentleman, Ryan.

Applejack stopped halfway through her yawn, hoof half covering her mouth. Her hat was cocked at an odd angle, and she had deep bags beneath her eyes. Most of her hair was matted where she’d fallen asleep, and she looked as if she were ready to collapse at any given moment.

Ryan may have been many different things, but occasionally, accurate was one of them.

“W-whadd’re y’all doin’ here?” Applejack asked, looking around. Much to her surprise, Ryan wasn’t the only one with her in the orchard.

Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and even Rarity had come out to help, each of them carrying empty woven baskets. Twilight gave Ryan a knowing wink, and said “Oh, you know. A little bird told us you could use some help.”

“Yuppie duppie guppie! ‘Cause he’s a bird now, I guess!” Pinkie exclaimed excitedly, prancing about while balancing three baskets on her head. “But I haven’t seen him fly yet, so he’s probably just a really ugly ostrich! Ooh, or a dodo! He’s got legs like a dodo, but he flies like a penguin!”

“… That means, not at all,” Pinkie stage-whispered to him conspiratorially.

Ryan shoved her off with a grin, lifting up a basket beneath his left arm. “Yeah, yeah. Sweet. We gonna get this over with?”

“Now, hold up!” Applejack demanded, stomping her hoof. “Ah ain’t needin’ nopony’s help, an-“

“AJ, look at yourself,” Twilight interrupted. “You’ve been running yourself ragged, and the only pony not getting help is you.”

“Yeah,” Ryan interjected. “what kind of shitty friends would you have, if they just let you do all the work yourself? Then again,” he said slowly, scratching his chin. “I wouldn’t mind not doing anything. Hell, that’s one of my favorite things to do.”

Applejack stared at them all for a moment, before dipping her head with a grin. “… All right, all right. Y’all are slipperier than a greased pig in a mud pit.”

“Hah! We’re gonna be done in ten seconds, flat!” Skittles burst out, hefting up two empty baskets and zipping through the air toward the far end of the orchard. Rarity deftly lifted a single basket telekinetically, looking with disdain toward the field of apple trees. “… Oh, very well. But if I see so much as a single speck of dirt on my coat…!”

Ryan watched as Twilight’s horn glowed brightly for a moment, and a large number of the apples reflected with the violet light. A huge mass of them slowly lifted into the air, dropping one by one into the baskets. She looked fairly pleased with her little trick. He grinned, plucking a few apples from the trees with his hands.

It sure as hell was faster than kicking them down, like Applejack was trying to do.

Speaking of the Apple family…

“Hey, Orange.” Ryan said conversationally, trying not to stretch too much and pull his bandages into any more uncomfortable positions. “Isn’t that big red one, uh…”

“Big Mac.” Applejack finished for him.

Ryan withheld a snicker. It was just very funny to him hearing a pony say that. “Yeah, Big Mac. How come he’s not out here kickin’ this shit down? Hell, with the muscles on that dude, he could probably do all the work by himself.” He was hopeful for a moment; the more apples he picked, the more he was reminded of just how much he loathed working for anything, and the thought of getting someone else to do it for him was a pleasing prospect. In the distance, he heard Skittles rambling on about some kind of griffin to Pinkie, but he ignored her.

“He usually does,” Applejack admitted as she shifted another basket away, and brought an empty one over to the tree she was working on. “but he hurt himself last time, so ah’m pickin’ up the slack. Hey, speakin’ a’ hurtin’, how come yer all bandaged up again?”

He paused, unwilling to tell her the truth. After a couple moments of hesitation, he continued picking apples without looking her in the eye, and said “I, uh… had an accident.”

Applejack snorted knowingly, giving him a sly grin as she weakly bucked another tree. “Oh, an accident, huh? It wouldn’t happen to be a bunny shaped accident, now would it?”

Ryan froze, and his heart jumped into his throat in fear. He’d seen Fluttershy leave that morning; the only possible way Orange could have possibly known that was…

“Eeyup. She figured you’d try an’ run off. Ain’t seen Spike runnin’ around these parts much today, have ya’?”

It took Ryan all of a split second to put it together. He hadn’t seen Spike helping because Spike wasn’t there.

“Aw, fuck!”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Fluttershy said quietly as she stood behind him.

It was a good thing Ryan was wearing brown pants.

“Hey, watch it, ya’ dumb broad!”

“Same to ya’, buttface!” the Griffin spat angrily as she shoved her way past Ryan, stomping angrily down the sidewalk of Ponyville. Twilight seemed mortified.

“… Nice girl.” Ryan said offhandedly, not even breaking stride next to Twilight. She shot him a tilted look of confusion, which he mirrored.

“… What?”

She shook her head, her mane flopping forward and back as she did so. Spike sat with a rather pleased look on his face atop her back, fist-deep in a small tub of ice cream. Ryan stared at him for a moment, wondering if he could punt the little snitch then and there and still get away with it.

So far, he hadn’t been presented with any opportunity to do so.

But my time will come, you little shit. Just you wait…

Spike, oblivious to the daggers Ryan was glaring at him, shoved more minty ice cream in his face, slurping at it loudly. A rather long, serpentine tongue occasionally flickered out of his mouth, wrapping its way around the inside of the tub. Disgusted, Ryan looked away as they continued down the street toward the library. Today had been a hell of a day.

He was a little shocked he’d even escaped the wrath of Fluttershy’s attack rabbit.

According to Twilight, he’d always have a place to stay at her home/library, and they’d even accommodated the bed for his… gratuitous size. Something caught his eye as they walked in relative silence, however. A glint on the edge of a small, free-swinging sign outside a dirty, worn down building with a single picture of a multi-colored mug. Below it, in ye olde English style (pony style?) were the ancient etchings of what looked to be…

“The Eight Bits?” Ryan muttered quizzically, and Twilight followed his line of sight.

“Oh, that old place,” she said conversationally. “Never been in there, myself. From what little I’ve heard, it’s pretty ancient. And I haven’t heard many good things about it.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Ryan agreed, jabbing a thumb at one of the boarded up windows. He could see a dim light through the cracks, however, and the low rumble of voices inside.

After a couple moments of contemplation, Twilight said “Spike and I are going ahead to the library. You could check the place out before you catch up, you know…” she finished suggestively.

Ryan scratched the back of his head, letting his hand run through his greasy black hair. He thought for a couple moments, and grinned.

“… Yeah. You go on ahead,” he said, shooing the pair off. “I’ll catch up in a few. Lemme just check this dump out first.”

“… Okay, then,” Twilight said uncertainly. “Just make sure you’re not late to that party Pinkie was talking about.”

“Wha-?” Ryan asked. To be honest, he’d completely forgotten about anything Pinkie had said about parties. Then again, he was probably ignoring her when she was talking. In his defense, that was really the only way to spend longer than a few minutes around Pinkie without going insane.

“The party,” she reiterated slowly, as if he were being stupid on purpose. “Sugarcube Corner. Remember? Rainbow’s friend?”

When none of this seemed to be ringing any bells, Twilight said “Gilda?”

“…”

“… The griffin?”

“… Uh…”

“Oh, for Celestia’s sake!” Twilight groaned. “Just make sure-“ she dropped off, letting out a loud shriek. Spike slipped off her back, grasping at his nearly empty tub of ice cream.

“Spike, you got it in my mane!”

Whelp, not getting in the middle of this one.

Although it brought him a great level of satisfaction seeing Spike in trouble, he budged the door open to the 8-Bits, and stomped inside.

Had he any idea of the events that would transpire, he’d have likely turned tail and fled into that ‘Everfree Forest’ he’d heard about, and never turn back.

“Yeah, she’s just a big meanie!” Pinkie said, blowing a raspberry as she filled yet another cup with punch.

Rainbow Dash chuckled, sidling up next to her and getting a cup for herself. “Ah, she’ll come around eventually… I hope.” She seemed a little disappointed at her expectations of her old friend.

“Come on, Dashie!” Pinkie said cheerfully, playfully tipping her with one hoof and taking a huge swig of her punch. “You can’t let Gilda get you down; besides, look at all these ponies here!” she waved her hoof around at the crowd, and, indeed, there were an awful lot of ponies. Pinkie had been eyeing the crowd continuously, but a six foot tall hairless ape would be pretty easy to spot…

“Are you sure-“ Pinkie started again.

“Yes, Pinkie.” Twilight said firmly. “For the last time, I’m positive he’ll be here.”

“Oh, good!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Because nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise!”

“YES, Pinkie.” She hoped he’d be here soon… she was starting to get a little worried, though she was loathe admitting it. She could have sworn…

No. It must just be her imagination.

She hoped.

Ryan took a deep breath as he stepped out of the sunlight, letting his eyes adjust to the dim lighting.

It wasn’t nearly as dusty in the 8-Bits as he had expected it to be. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t nearly as empty as he had expected, either.

The place was practically bursting with life, noise clamoring from all over the place. It actually took him several moments longer to let the surroundings settle in than he anticipated.

From what he could see, the 8-Bits looked like a strange cross between an old style Western bar and a well-kept modern bar, with glass and wood intermingling at odd places. The entire pub was filled with ponies of all sorts of different colors and sizes. He could even swear he saw a few younger ones sitting together at a table. What were they called again? Foals? Fillies?

Whatever. Kids were kids. And judging from the bars Ryan had been in, bars were no place for kids.

There were Pegasi and unicorns all over the place, but not nearly so many as there were the earth ponies. One bright red Pegasus sat over in a corner, struggling with what looked almost like an imitation arcade machine. A couple of coins adorned his flank, and he strained against a small screwdriver before something in the machine broke off with a snap! The Pegasus swore quietly, pulling another screwdriver out and fiddling with it some more.

Looking around, Ryan could see that there were only a couple of empty seats, one of which being the stools at the bar. Since it was the closest one to him, he shrugged and clambered atop it. It was surprisingly comfortable, as far as bar stools go, and he found that he could easily adjust the height with a small lever on the side. On either side of him sat two ponies, each of them drowning their woes in drink.

That sight made Ryan’s heart leap with joy.

Not seeing the ponies miserable; that was only slightly satisfying. No, his real source of happiness came from the mugs sitting in front of them and Oh please god oh please oh please don’t let it be Root Beer…!

In the confusion, Ryan had failed to notice two things.

Firstly, he was sitting directly between two very angry bar dwellers.

The one on his right was a blue Pegasus, madly scribbling away at scraps of paper, some of which had slipped underneath a multitude of empty mugs.

Secondly, the inhabitant on his left wasn’t even a pony.

It was a very angry, very surprised, and in comparison, very short human.

“Who the crap are you?”