Beating the Heat

or

Friendship is Kinky

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction

By Andrew J. Talon

DISCLAIMER: I... REGRET... NOTHING!

- - - - - - -

Applejack trotted purposefully down the road to Twilight's home, a clothespin tightly pinched around her snout. Her stride was hurried, but not panicked. Just because Pinkie Pie was in heat at the same time Applejack was did not imply a connection, despite the fact her natural skepticism was battling with her experience-informed intuition.

There doesn't have to be a disaster every other week in Ponyville, Applejack mused, quite reasonably she thought. It does not follow that every pony in Ponyville has gone into crazed heat at the same time. I have no proof of the first premise, therefore it does not follow that conclusion is true.

Satisfied with her logic, she continued on. She smiled, feeling her mood lighten.

In fact, it's more likely that Pinkie and ah are just synchronized, and if ah weren't related to him ah suspect ah might be more than a little sweet on Braeburn. Ah've got my nostrils pinched and ah've got my self control. Perfect self-control... Perfect self-control...

"Hey Applejack!"

"Hey Caramel," Applejack greeted the stallion as they passed by each other. Applejack increased her speed, feeling more confident. Not a single reaction to Caramel passing by...

She heard hooves hitting the dirt road hard behind her, and looked over her shoulders. Caramel had come around and was gaining on her.

"What in tarnation-Caramel!" Applejack broke into a gallop, riding hard enough to kick up a dust cloud behind her. Caramel continued to gain, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

"Hang on Applejack! You smell, haa, great!" Caramel cried.

"It's the apples! Ah always smell like apples!" Applejack shouted back.

Caramel came up alongside her, and sniffed her deeply. A longing, hungry smile came on his face and he nipped her mane with his teeth.

"Ah!" Applejack cried, and she hit the brakes. Caramel took a few moments to stop himself, and he came around. Applejack backed up, her eyes narrowing.

"Now now, Caramel... Take it easy... Ah don't wanna knock yer block off but by Celestia's shiny mane I will end you if you don't stop!"

"Mmm... It's all right. I'm fine with it being rough," Caramel said with a cheerful smile.

"It's just mah heat, nothin' else!" Applejack said. "Yer reactin' to it!"

"So... There's something wrong with me being attracted to you?" Caramel asked.

"Of course not! But right now ah think something's wrong-"

Caramel pounced, and Applejack had to roll out of the way. Back up on her hooves, she jumped up over Caramel and landed on the nearby cattlefence. Caramel grinned at her and jumped onto the fence with her.

"Caramel, listen to me! You don't want none of this! You'll really regret it!" Applejack cried.

"Come on AJ! You have any idea how hard up I've been?" Caramel complained. "It's bad enough my cousin pretends to be me and makes the fillies think I'm into stallions or a mare myself!" He jumped for Applejack's post, and Applejack jumped off back onto the road. She glared up at him.

"Well ah'm very sorry to hear that but there ain't nothing ah can do right now! We ain't in our right minds!"

"Come on! Let's make some Candied Apples!" Caramel grinned. Applejack sighed, spun around... And bucked the heck out of the fencepost, sending Caramel slamming into a tree right behind the fence. He slid down to the ground in a dazed heap.

"Oof! Errrgghhh..." Caramel groaned. Applejack took several deep breaths and centered herself, before she pulled a clothespin out of her saddlebag and fitted it onto Caramel's nostrils.

"Sorry about that, Caramel, but when you get onto puns yer too far gone fer words," Applejack consoled.

"Owww..."

"Come on," Applejack said, hefting Caramel up onto her back with a grunt. "Ah'll get ya to the nurse, and then we'll clear this up." She set out for Nurse Redheart's clinic in a hard gallop, cursing her own stupidity. She'd given so much thought to her own reactions she hadn't paid any to the possibility of male reactions!

But who could've known Caramel would react that strongly? She couldn't help her blush at his warmth, weight and... Certain aspects of his scent, but shook her head free of the distractions of lust.

"Ah'd better get this resolved right quick," Applejack said aloud. "Twilight'll be able to sort this out."

After all, what were the odds she had been hit by heat too?

- - - - - - - - - -

“Oh my, oh dear, oh my, oh dear…”

Angel Bunny, wearing a tiny apron and a chef’s hat, peered from Fluttershy’s kitchen and towards his owner and friend, who was fluttering back and forth around her living room anxiously. The white rabbit folded one ear and raised the other high as his eyebrows cocked in a similar fashion. What had gotten into his gentle, if flighty friend?

Setting her hoofs down, Fluttershy trotted in place, occasionally turning in half circles with her tail raised high, and her wings fluttering restlessly. “Oh my, oh dear…”

At first dismissing it as Fluttershy being Fluttershy, Angel turned to go back to cook his hay casserole, when he performed a double-take and stared at what had raised the red flag in his rabbit mind: Her tail was raised.

When he sniffed the air, it wrinkled in disgust as he got a noseful of pony pheromones, and quickly covered his nose with a paw. Taking off his hat, he threw it at Fluttershy’s head, catching her attention.

“Ah? Oh, what is it Angel?” She asked when she looked to him.

Angel glared at her and pointed out the door. Following where his free paw was aimed, Fluttershy turned back and shook her head. “Oh no, I can’t go outside, one whiff and it’ll be over for me. Don’t you remember what happened last time?”

Evidently, Angel did not care, as he pointed at the door again.

Fluttershy looked back towards the door, in trepidation. “Oh please, Angel, can’t you be the one to go outside?”

Angel glared at her, is arms folded as he tilted his head back towards the kitchen.

Fluttershy raised a hoof too her mouth. “I forgot that you were cooking. I’m sorry, Angel, it honestly slipped my mind. I’m so distracted by this…oh…”

A flash of heat snaked through Fluttershy, and she began to pace again. “Oh my, oh dear, oh my, oh dear…”

Angel slapped a paw to his forehead, and then got an idea. Turning around, the little bunny hopped into the kitchen, and opened the window over the sink, giving him a perfect view of the Everfree Forest. Jumping from the sink, he hopped past the still pacing Fluttershy and right up to the front door, which he hopped up and opened wide.

Sure enough, a breeze coming from the direction of Ponyville blew right through the front door and out the back window, creating a cross-breeze that Fluttershy was directly in the path of.

“Oh my, oh dear, oh my, or dear, oh my, oh dear…oh…oh…” The breeze washed over her, and Fluttershy trailed off as her nose was suddenly filled with the aromas from nearby Ponyville. It sent a thrill straight through her, when on those aromas was the familiar and oh so welcoming smell of stallions. That promptly did it for her, and the heat that was coiling about inside her constricted her resistance to her instincts and strangled it into unconsciousness.

“Oh...oh my…” Her voice lowered a number of octaves, and became husky at the very end. Her lips turned up into a smirk, and her eyes becoming half-lidded, Fluttershy let out a soft giggle and trotted out the door, her wings providing an extra spring in her step.

The moment she was out, Angel slammed the door shut and sighed in relief now that she and her stench of estrus were gone. He loved Fluttershy, and she was his best friend, but she really just needed to let go sometimes.

Picking up his hat, he hopped back into the kitchen to resume cooking his dish.

Crossing the bridge to her house, Fluttershy trotted towards an unsuspecting and completely unprepared Ponyville.

- - - - - - - - -

Braeburn slowed his gallop to a crawl, and took deep heaving breaths to regain his stamina. He lifted his head and looked around, trying to get his bearings.

"Haa... Haa... Let's see..." He murmured. He looked up at the sky overhead-Stormclouds in random and irregular patterns traced their way across it. He looked around at the trees-Yes, they were dense, dark and ominous with shadows hiding potential dangers.

"And... Ah think ah just stepped in something," he observed, examining his hoof.

"Into my TRAP!" Growled some horrible, monstrous crocodile-like reptile that lunged out of the underbrush. Braeburn jumped above it's snapping jaws, and landed on it's head with a grin.

"Of course! Ah'm in Everfree Forest!" He said with a cheerful laugh. "Nopony could be crazy enough to follow me in here!"

"Uh..." The land crocodile blinked at him curiously. "But... You were crazy enough to come in."

"Well yeah, but that's a functional craziness," Braeburn returned. "Ah can recognize it's crazy, therefore, I ain't crazy. Get it?"

"Not really," the land croc replied, raising the scaly equivalent of an eyebrow. "What are you running from, anyway?"

"A filly," Braeburn said.

"... Are you married then?" The croc asked.

"Ah, no," Braeburn said.

"Kick the ball for the other team?"

"No!" Braeburn said harshly. The croc huffed.

"No need to be so sensitive about it!"

"Well, ah was a mite confused over a buffalo who looked like a colt but was actually a mare and it's been a tense topic ever since," Braeburn admitted. The croc huffed irritably.

"Very well, but what about this filly?"

"Well... She just jumped me. Right outta nowhere. She chased me all over these lands!"

"Ah... Heat then?" The croc asked. Braeburn nodded.

"Definitely, but unlike any ah've ever seen."

"Is she unattractive, either physically or non-physically?" The croc inquired. Braeburn blinked.

"Well... No, not really."

"Is she of too dissimilar a temperament to your own for a relationship to work?" The croc asked again.

"Well... Ah don't think so, no," Braeburn said.

"Then what's the problem?"

"You talk like this with all your potential meals?" Braeburn asked. The croc gave him a wry look.

"In this forest, intelligent conversation is at a premium. It is either ruminate upon my loneliness as an intellectual, or seek out prey that can offer some company that is at the very least not idiotic."

"How am I doin' on that end?"

"At the very least, I am sure you would give me indigestion," the croc said dryly.

"Thanks... Ah think," Braeburn said with a raised brow of his own.

"If you wish to prove yourself intelligent, then I suggest confronting this filly and being a stallion about it," the croc concluded. "You do not look the soft type, after all."

"You're right!" Braeburn said with a determined smile. "Ah shouldn't run! Ah'm a pioneer and a darn hardy one! Why should one crazy filly make me feel like turnin' tail?"

"Exactly," the croc said. "Now, if you don't mind, unless you'd like to be food I suggest you-"

"YIPPEE KI YAY!" Cried the Pink Pony, as she dramatically swung in on a vine and kicked the croc in his side. The great reptile rolled onto his back with a shout, and Braeburn tumbled off.

"Oof! Pinkie Pie, what are you-?"

Braeburn was cut short in his shocked exclamation, and his jaw dropped as Pinkie Pie proceeded to yank the crocodile's forearms behind his back with her forelegs, while her back legs had captured his tail and yanked it forward.

"AUGH! YOUNG-YOUNG FILLY, STOP! STOP! I-WHAT ARE YOU DOING-?!"

"Say it!" Pinkie Pie growled. "Say it say it say it!"

"ARGH! S-Say what?!"

"Say uncle!" Pinkie Pie shouted. "Say it!" She wratcheted up the tension and the land croc whimpered loudly.

"Say uncle! Say uncle!" The croc cried.

"You're saying it wrong!" Pinkie Pie laughed. "Just say uncle! UNCLE!"

"UNCLLLLEEEE!" The crocodile cried, as very real tears came from his eyes. Pinkie Pie released him, and trotted happily over to Braeburn as the land croc whimpered behind her.

"Hi Braeburn! I still want you to ride me like a trail of marshmallows but I saw you were wrestling that croc and I realized I like to wrestle crocs too so I wanted to do it together before you mounted me say how about you do you feel about mounting me right now because I totally-MMPH!"

Braeburn stuck his hoof in her mouth... And found he didn't mind her sucking on it as though it was a lollipop.

"Yer gonna wanna save some of that air fer me, darlin'," Braeburn said with a growl as he gave into his instincts, "because yer gonna need all of it."

Pinkie Pie squealed happily, and pounced onto the stallion. The land crocodile, groaning in pain nearby, looked over at the two ponies.

"Excuse me... I'm in terrific pain right now... I think a rib slipped... Yes, yes it did, that's a whole new level of agony I have yet to experience, until now... You're not even listening to me, are you?" The crocodile sighed and closed his eyes.

"'Go to university', she said. 'You'll have so many females vying to let you fertilize their eggs you won't know what to do with them,' she said. I hate mammals..."

- - - - - - - -

The Doctor slowly came awake, and wiggled his limbs. Carefully, he opened his eyes to small slits, and took stock of his situation.

"I always do seem to end up in a bind," the chestnut pony observed, as he saw he was suspended from a wall in Twilight's library with ropes and chains. "Huh! Spread eagle. A bit old but given the circumstances... Appropriate," he said with an ironic smile. The shutters were closed and the only light came from a number of candles magically floating around. Warm red curtains decorated the walls. His sonic screwdriver sat on a table in front of him, just out of reach.

"Oh! You're awake," said Twilight Sparkle. She trotted into view, wearing dark legging on all four of her limbs, and a choker on her throat. She couldn't help an embarrassed smile when he looked at her.

"And you're... Not quite as, er, intense," the Doctor said.

"Well... Your sonic helped me regain my wits," Twilight said. "I was acting a bit... Crazed, really. I'm much better now."

The Doctor looked at his bonds, and then at Twilight's appearance as she opened a book entitled The Magic of Love: Slaps and Kisses Edition.

"Obviously," the Doctor quipped. "So... Usually this is the part where you tell me all your plans."

"It is?" Twilight asked, flipping through the book.

"Well, it's been my experience," the Doctor said conversationally.

"So... You're experienced in this sort of thing?" Twilight inquired, tilting her head. The Doctor shrugged.

"Being held captive? Yes, though I suppose it's unavoidable."

"Well, I do want to tell you my plans," Twilight said, trembling with a slightly crazed smile. "But I think you'd probably use that as a chance to escape."

"Why would I want to escape?" The Doctor asked innocently.

Twilight shot him a deadpan look. The chestnut colored prisoner shrugged apologetically.

"Okay, good point... But in my defense, you were coming on like a freight train. It's only natural you'd try to get out of the way."

"Oh, but I'm one train you don't want to escape," Twilight purred. She paused. "How did that sound? Did that sound appropriately seductive?"

"Well, it's a little hard to get aroused when I'm strung up like this," the Doctor said. "Blood flow issues, you know."

"Oh my, I'm so sorry," Twilight said. She manipulated the bonds with her telekinesis, and the Doctor subtly flexed his limbs. "How's this?"

The Doctor smiled. "Much better, thank you." He looked over at the door, then at some books piled on a nearby table. "Hm? Is that a copy of Starswirl's Movements of Planetary Bodies?"

Twilight looked, a smile of delight on her face. "Oh yes! Have you read it?" She summoned it with her horn and turned back around. "I find it very-"

The Doctor was gone, as was his sonic screwdriver. Twilight looked over at the door, which the Doctor was furiously trying to sonic. He looked up and met her eyes. He looked around at the home, and dramatically facehoofed.

"Who would expect to find a wooden door in a house made out of a tree?" He said self-deprecatingly. "I-OOF!"

Twilight had once again pounced on him, and the Doctor gulped as his sonic screwdriver flew off thanks to telekinesis. Twilight grinned over him.

"You have a tendency to fall right into traps, Doctor," she murmured, and began nibbling at his neck. The Doctor sighed.

"Yes... But there is one thing you should know about me, Twilight Sparkle. There's one thing you never, ever do if you value your continued existence."

"Oh? What is that?" Twilight asked. "ACK!" She fell back as her limbs were snapped into a rope noose. A rope the Doctor had yanked on with his lower hooves. He grinned as he hopped up and stood over her.

"Never put me in a trap," he said. Twilight moaned and shuddered.

"Ohhh... You're making it so hard for me to stay rational," she said, licking her lips. "So intelligent, my dear Doctor... But..."

A book slammed into the back of his head, sending him face down.

"You don't put me in a trap either," she said with a smirk.

"Starswirl. Well played," the Doctor said, muffled by the floor. He got up just in time for Twilight to yank him up to her with her telekinesis. "Bugger...!"

"Resistance is futile," Twilight purred. "And-"

The door slammed open.

"Twilight, ah have a little..."

Applejack stared. Twilight and the Doctor stared back. Caramel on Applejack's back was unconscious.

"... Ah'll come back later," the apple farmer said, closing the door matter-of-factly. The Doctor looked at Twilight.

"... The door was unlocked?" He asked, gaining a broad smile. "Brilliant! I kept trying to unlock an unlocked door!"

"Well I did do a lot of experimentation with your sonic screwdriver while you were out," Twilight said modestly, her cheeks stained with a blush.

"I must say, you're definitely one over most of my other captors right now," the Doctor complimented her.

"So... Does that mean you'll stop resisting?" Twilight asked.

The Doctor kicked his sonic screwdriver up into his teeth. "Nope," he replied succinctly.

"Didn't think so," Twilight said with a grin.

- - - - - - - -

Spike had been running as fast as he could on his tiny little legs, but when he finally got back to the library he found an obstacle in his path-Namely Applejack, with an unconscious Caramel on her back.

"Hey! What's the big idea, Applejack?! I need to get in there, I need to save the Doctor... And Twilight!" Spike said stubbornly, as Applejack held him in place with a single hoof on his chest.

Applejack snorted. "Unless yer gonna be more stubborn than me, you ain't gettin' in there."

"I can be just as stubborn as you!" Spike said defensively.

Even while knocked unconscious, Caramel managed an instinctive incredulous snort at this.

"Even if that were true, which it ain't, ah'm not letting you in until you tell me just what in tarnation is goin' on!" Applejack growled.

"Uh, well... Twilight went into heat today, and according to the book all of the holders of the Elements of Harmony would go into heat too. Only it would be magnified in intensity because magic is life force and life energy in its base, most primal state wants to reproduce," Spike quickly explained.

"Ah... That would explain why it feels like ah've got a marching band chanting 'Make Babies!' in mah head," Applejack put dryly. "Wait... ALL of the holders?"

"Well, yeah," Spike said. "I mean, seeing how Twilight got... And Rarity... You can understand why I'd-ULP!" Spike was nabbed by Applejack's teeth and thrown up onto her back. She then began galloping as hard as she could for the town center.

"Spike, listen very carefully!" Applejack said. "Ah want to know everypony's status! Twilight's in her house with the Doctor, what about the others?"

"Well, Rarity's with Big Mac," Spike said, unable to contain his grumble. As much as he respected and liked the big guy, he couldn't fully remove his envy. He was only mortal... More or less. "And you saw Twilight."

"Figures she'd latch onto him," Applejack grunted, a bit annoyed but pragmatic enough to stay on task. "Ah saw Pinkie Pie chasin' Braeburn, he should be able to keep up..."

"How are you doing?" Spike asked.

"Ah'll manage. The two ponies ah'm most concerned about are Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash," Applejack said as they reached the clinic. Several ponies were milling about, talking, eating, waiting on friends or loved ones under the good Nurse's care.

"Huh? Okay, Rainbow Dash I can understand, but Fluttershy?" Spike asked incredulously. "How bad could Fluttershy in heat be?"

All conversation ceased. Spike blinked. Applejack facehoofed.

"Fluttershy... In heat...?" A magenta pony asked, dread in her voice. "RUN FOR THE HILLS! EVERYPONY FOR HERSELF!"

"SAVE THE STALLIONS! GET THEM HIDDEN!" Another cried. They took off in a stampede in all directions, leaving Spike to stare after them. Very slowly, Spike looked over at Applejack.

"... They didn't even act like that for Nightmare Moon!" Spike gasped.

"Yep," Applejack said with a slow nod.

"... We're doomed, aren't we?" Spike asked.

"Depends on how well Twilight can hold things together," Applejack said. "Ah always thought she needed some, ya know, loosenin' up but this is ridiculous!"

"Maybe we should contact Princess Celestia," Spike said. "You know, to come in and fix everything for us?"

"We can't just call the Princess in for every little crisis!" Applejack said flatly. Nurse Redheart came outside at last, probably due to the commotion, and Applejack hefted Caramel onto her back. "Hup! There. Please take care of him, Nurse Redheart, he had a bad fall."

"I will, but what was all that shouting about?" The Nurse asked.

"Fluttershy's in heat... And so is Rainbow Dash," Applejack managed. The Nurse gasped.

"Oh-Oh-Oh my! I'll get everything ready! So glad I have those extra IVs from the Hard Cider festival!" The nurse galloped in, and Applejack turned to Spike. She rested a hoof on his shoulder.

"Now Spike... This might be dangerous, but ah'm gonna have to ask fer yer full cooperation," Applejack said. "Can ah rely on you?"

"Of-Of course you can!" Spike said.

"Good," Applejack said with a smile, patting him on the shoulder. "And just so you know, if ah do lose mah control and try to ride you into the sunset, it's because ah actually do find you attractive for a dragon." She leaned in close. "You... Do have the... Plumbing and accessories, right?"

"Uhhh... I... Think so...?" Spike managed.

"Well! Let's hope we don't have to find out for sure, right?" Applejack laughed, patting Spike a little too hard on the back... And a little too low...

"Right! Twilight! Let's make her fix this, right now!" Spike said in a much higher pitch of voice than normal.

- - - - - - - - -