So to be clear about all of this, this is the first of the re-edits (Presented to you in HD) and if you would like to see the original, it'll be linked...

HERE...

Character Commentary Here...

Well, we finally continued with history repeating itself. Ain’t that a son of a bitch? But hey, that’s how the Universe was treating me, like a fucking dog. The minute I think I can live, it keeps putting me down. I think that’s a good analogy. Whatever, when this day came, it was all about repeating Episode 6, Boast Busters. Not the greatest of all episodes to repeat, but hey, it couldn’t be any worse than Mare Do Well, am I right? Sad part is though, I jinxed myself a long ass time ago, but eh, what do I care anymore?

In addition, just to let you know how everybody went with his or her fake memories, it was ok. Although, Arrell has a little hazy memory of those events, but doesn’t remember it completely, so we’re good. If he does remember it, then I’m sorry, but I have to put him down. The Jews don’t want him to remember.

If he knows too much then it will ruin the Jews’ plan and all of their sheckles will have been meant for nothing. I mean what Jewish conspiracy? The Jews weren’t kicked out of 106 countries. It is definitely was the 6 million that died and not just a front for the mafia so they can get a tax write off as a business expanse every time they eat at a Subway.

Shhhhh, the Jew nose, and you do not.

Anyways, after the last time I had to repeat an episode form the show in this world, I was given a letter by Celestia to practice some magic. She gave me something’s that I could practice with as well as a letter from Twilight where she gave me some suggestions on what schedule I could go on and what I could to better myself and my self esteem. And in at the end she gave a little heart, implying that crush she had on me then was still strong as steel.

Spike even wrote a letter, written in crayon and looked like it was written by a retarded child that was meant to be put down, but then the mother said, “But my baby is perfect. There’s nothing wrong with my baby. Look at it, it’s beautiful” as the child has bulged out eyes and a lisp with a survival chance of less than point five percent. Yeah we’re talking about that kind of child.

Anyways, Wolf got a letter from Spike on what he could do to help me, but at the end of the day Wolf just pukes up the letter whenever he pukes up last night’s drinks. To put it simply, Wolf hates how Celestia made it to where Wolf can receive letters. But sometimes it is an amusement to me to watch Wolf forcibly upchuck paper against his own will. It gives me a chuckle every now and then and reminds there is a little hope in this world.

I know it sounds like I’m an asshole, but hey, come on… we’re all a little bit of an asshole at heart. Except for Jack, he was a one hundred percent asshole. And he was proud of it to, in which case… fair enough? Anyways, in the end Wolf didn’t read Spike’s letter as it just gets mixed in with the puke and it gets fucked up to where you can barely read it, so it didn’t matter much anyways.

And to add insult to the wound, I didn’t care about the letters as usual. I just threw it to the side lines as usual. Besides, doesn’t she know how powerful my magic already is? Well, she probably does, but she thinks I can improve, in which case that’s true, but do I care? Nope, by this point, I’m only here for the free housing and money that gets sent to me every now and then from them while the Universe pegs me from behind.

See, I’m not all fucked, sure the Universe is metaphorically raping me from my ass, but at least I get free stuff out of the tax payer’s money. Now morally that’s wrong and under normal circumstances I would actually care and get a separate job to support myself, but this isn’t normal circumstances. This is a land where colorful talking ponies that use magic are involved, so to that, I’d say give me all the free shit that you can give me and I’ll make the best of it.

I mean I’m not upset about the whole talking pony thing, I’m just upset that I don’t get to go my own way and have to instead relive the episodes. I mean it would be cool I guess if it was with the Elements of Harmony, but at the end of the day, that is not case. Instead, I’m living through twisted versions of the episodes from the show, and sometimes I wonder if the Universe itself is a Brony, you know? Who knows, maybe the Universe is a clopper as well, and cloppers usually get defensive about their fetish so I better shut my mouth now.

I’m kidding, I’m kidding… except for the clopper part. Look, you want to fuck a horse’s ass, I get it. There are live horses where you are at, just go over there and let the horse peg you because I know you’re a sicko that’s into that sick shit. Just don’t come complaining to me when a baby horse pops out of your asshole nine months later.

Anyways, still I didn’t care about Celestia’s letters. I mean, I have over a thousand spells written and created by me. Well not really, those numbers are inflated in hopes the description for the journal sells. Really it was like a couple of hundred spells that were created by me and half of it was for the convenience of me and Wolf, but mostly me, and sometimes only for Wolf. Hey, that weed and sometimes alcohol has to come from somewhere you know.

And the princesses don’t give me and Wolf enough bits every two weeks to spend it on fancy things. I have to pay bills every now and then. I need to pay a “tax” that is really just a money laundering scheme to the town of Stalia. Well anyway, I just ended up smoking weed while Wolf got drunk.

But that’s not how I’m starting this part of my life off. Oh no, we’re starting off somewhere else… the day when we repeated Episode 6: Boast busters… and it was in the morning…

I had just gotten up, started off my day, the usual shit. I had a cup of coffee, and yes I drink coffee. I know, shocking. It doesn’t seem like I would go for coffee, but every now and then I’ll go for it, as long as it isn’t from StarCucks… Starbuck’s sister location.

Anyways, that’s not good enough; let’s see where I should start specifically… I got it. Ok so it was a bright and sunny morning, everything was calm and fine, nothing to note about. It’s just one of those every day mornings where everyone goes about their business and it’s just an ordinary day. That or at least it feels just like any other day.

Everything was going inside the house slash the library; even to this day I forget it’s supposed to be the town’s library that I’ll just endlessly repeat myself on that fact. Anyways, everything was fine inside the house, well… except for the living area. It was a bit of a mess, and while I am a tad bit guilty of messing with it, it was mostly Wolf’s fault… that fucking wooden son of a bitch.

And speaking of Wolf, he was lying down on his wooden back, all relaxed and chilled and just melting on the couch, taking up all of the space. He even had a little smile sitting on his face as his eyes were covered with a pair of sunglasses, pretty much trying to hide his eyes as he was smoking on a familiar green plant I’m sure you all know by now. Although to be fair, Wolf’s eyes get a little reddish when he’s smoking weed, but for the most part it’s just the same light green color just like the other timber wolves. I’m not even sure why he was doing it because no one else really cared. But I suppose with Wolf, he was always the ones trying to go for looks, especially if there was a mare that happened to come by, he would want to make himself prepared at all times, despite ninety percent of time he wasn’t.

And as for me, I was outside, checking my mailbox, as all the ponies walked by me and went on with their day and I kept to mine. And as soon as I had checked the mail, I opened the door, walked in as I was using my magic to flip through the mail. I had a bit of a disgruntled, but mostly dull look on my face as it was unamusing to me with that I had gotten in the mail. Over all it was just mostly either Junk mail or bills with the occasional small packages such as a postcard from someone or Wolf taking all the bits and ordering from a catalogue because he so needs that cocktail blender, fucking Wolf, that wooden motha fucka... But then again that was a very good blender. Small and reliable, very nice shit I must say.

But that’s beside the point though, the mail was mostly the same shit, just on a different day is all. So as I was walking through, flipping through the mail, I also used my magic to close the door behind me, so no one could be an asshole and look into our private lives, not that we had one of much anyways to begin with. And it’s not like it was interesting to begin with, but whatever, you got to close that door or else Mr. Johnson from next door is just going to come in and take all the sugar… that’s my sugar you fucking bitch. You get a cup when I tell you that you can, you diabetic… fat lard piece of shit. Good thing Mr. Johnson is only part of my imagination.

Anyways, after flipping through felt like a ton of mail, even though it was only 7 envelopes in total, I said to Wolf, while continuing to eye at the bills that had just came in, “Junk, junk, bill, bill, bill, junk, and more bills. You’d think being the town’s only library that they would cut us a break and lower what we owe, but Stalia is a bitch.”

I had said it with a bit of an annoyed expression on my face. And after I had said that, Wolf then rose his head up and starred at me with his sun glasses still on and said to me, “You’re still paying bills? I thought you paid those last month?”

I then said to Wolf as I had lowered the mail down a little bit and started walking towards him and around the couch, “Yeah I did. It’s called a monthly payment; you pay the city every month if you want a place to live in. And if it’s not the city it’s the bank, or a land owner or whoever owns your ass.”

I had said that while rolling my eyes at Wolf, as Wolf then asked me in his drug minded state, “Well at least you get the water and gas for free right?”

His eyes were following me as I was walking around the couch to be in front of him and talk to him about the bills a little bit.

I had then said to him while rolling my eyes a little bit again towards him, “No Wolf, that’s extra.”

Wolf then said to me, pretty much high off his mind as he could be, “Whhaaaaaaaattttt? That’s… that’s bullshit man. That’s not right. We need to go out and… start a riot over that shit and have them change that cause that shouldn’t… I don’t know… happen or some shit.”

As Wolf was in the middle of his little comment, he had used his wooden timber wolf paws to grab a lighter off the table and use his other paw to light the bud that he had also grabbed off the coffee table and get his buzz on.

I then said to him, “Yeah well that fantasy land sounds nice and all, but this is reality, and reality is a business, so they charge for everything you do. And even then I’m not even mad at the bills, I’m mad at you.”

I had a little bit of an angered look towards Wolf as I then used my magic to take his little green bud away from his mouth as well as removing his sun glasses. And as those things were floating away from him, he had a look of a bit of sadness form on his face as he tried to reach out for those items, but he was on his wooden back and his timber wolf paws were just not long enough for him to reach out and take it from me.

I think he even made a slight noise too while doing so, but I didn’t care as I just threw it to the side to where he couldn’t get to it.

And as soon as I had done so, he quickly looked at me with a sad, yet questioning face on and looked into my eyes with his eyes and said to me, “Awwwww… come on Knight, why do you have to be that way? I thought we were smoking buddies?”

I then said to him, with still my slightly angered face on, “We are, but I’m the one that has to be in charge here since this is our lives now. And I don’t think we can escape it either.”

That last bit I had rolled my eyes up, towards the ceiling, pretty much referring to the Universe and how it wouldn’t let me be on my own.

Wolf then said to me as my eyes returned to his eyes for attention, “You mean that whole universe thing? Don’t worry about it. And besides, you need to relax, chill on the couch and let the day pass you by and stuff.”

Wolf had said his bit with a relaxing, a bit of a charming smile on his face and eyes.

I then said to him, “Yeah the Universe doesn’t allow me to chill Wolf. Whatever it wants me to do; I’ll have to do it.”

Wolf then said to me with a bit of a curious look on his face, “Well what about you back before you came here then? Surely you were relaxed and cool then right and you can be relaxed and cool now?”

I then said to him, “Well back then Wolf, I was a kid that got into things that I should or should not have gotten into. Not only that, but I had TK, Factory Dash and… Lawman… by my side to sort of help me out. But now I’m kind of alone and stuck with you as TK and Factory Dash do their own thing. So I have to be the one that takes charge.”

I had said that Lawman bit with a sigh, mostly because it was kind of still hurtful to think about him still being gone even by then.

However, Wolf then said to me, “Well how about those new friends of yours, Arrell, the red neck one, that grey guy, that red creature and uhh… that green fella.”

I then said to Wolf, “They are not my friends Wolf. I’m only here because the show is repeating itself and the Universe sort of forced me to be here. We just need to hold out like I said until maybe Season 3… maybe 4 of the show then we’ll be done and we can maybe do our little trip around Equestria.”

Wolf then had a little smile on his face as he then said to me, “You still want to do that? That was like… seven or so years ago.”

I then said to him with my head hanging down a little bit and also a somewhat disappointing look on my face with a hint of depression, “Yeah, I know…”

I then looked back into Wolf’s eyes and said to him with determination, “But until then we need to talk.”

Wolf then asked me as he relaxed himself on the couch and repositioned himself by putting his long wooden back legs on the coffee table, putting his paws around the back of his head with a smirk and just kicking back, “Talk about what Knight?”

I then yelled at him while spreading my right pony forearm around, “THIS WOLF! THIS FUCKING MESS!”

Wolf then said to me calmly with a straight look, “Well some of this stuff is yours too you know.”

I then said to him with a bit of fury in my eyes as I moved closer to him and put my left hoof on his wooden chest, “It’s only three or four things! The rest of this is your shit! You have greased up tinfoil wrap and empty dirty bags everywhere, a half eaten burger, three molding pizzas, and a few dead half eaten rats!”

Wolf then calmly said to me, “Well the rats were asking for it once they started eyeing for my moldy pizza.”

I then brought up to Wolf as I brought the bills back out and put in front of his face, “AND SECOND THING, YOU NEED TO SLACK OFF THE SHIT WOLF! THE BILLS ARE HIGH ENOUGH AS IT IS!”

Wolf then calmly said as he was casually looking at his left wooden paw, “Please, it isn’t that much.”

I then opened up the bills from their respective envelopes and started listing off the prices, “Water, three hundred bits, gas; four hundred and fifty two bits; electricity, eight hundred and thirty eight bits; garbage, two hundred and fourteen bits!? HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET THAT HIGH OF A BILL FOR THE FUCKING GARBAGE PICK UP WOLF!? IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE AT A STEADY THRITY BITS A MONTH!?”

Wolf then said to me while eyeing me with a serious look, “Well maybe the garbage ponies shouldn’t be taking my shit every week.”

I then yelled at Wolf, “THAT SHIT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THROWN OUT!?”

Wolf then said to me, “Well they shouldn’t try to attack me. Those garbage ponies are racist against timber wolves you know?”

I then continued to have a face of fury as I then said to Wolf, “YOU ATTACKED THEM WOLF!”

Wolf then said to me with a smug look, “And do you have any proof to back up those claims?”

I then said to him, “THEY SEND PICTURES OF YOU ATTACKING THEM EVERY WEEK!?”

I then showed him a picture that was attached to a letter of complaint from them that was provided by the garbage ponies, where it shows that Wolf in a very drunken state clearly attacking the garbage ponies dressed up in blue jump suits, both normal, typical everyday looking stallions, who were trying to do their job, in horror as they were trying to run away with shock and fear on their faces from Wolf.

Wolf then was silent for a bit, and had a bit of a worried slash disappointed look on his face as he then said to me, “Huh… Well can’t you just pay for the bills anyways? Doesn’t the city pay you for being the librarian of Stalia?”

I was then calmed down a bit as I then proceeded to put down the bills and said to Wolf, “Yeah… they do… but they only give me twenty one bits.”

Wolf then said with a curious look on his face, “Why only twenty one?”

I then said to Wolf, “Because the mayor is cheap and gives me an I.O.U. in the mail every payday.”

Wolf then said, “Oh… well about Celestia’s payment to you?”

I then said to Wolf, “Yeah, but she only gives me just barely enough to pay to live here. But we do get a discount when it comes to the property taxes at least since I’m still a sort of student of hers, so I get it as a tax write off, but still.”

Wolf then asked me with a bit of a hopeful smile on his face while he moved his right wooden paw around, “Well can’t you use your magic an make a spell to counterfeit bits or something.”

I then said to Wolf, “I already have a spell for that. And I don’t feel like using it. And besides I think there’s a limit to it anyways and the banks can find out that it’s fake anyways. So it wouldn’t really matter. And if you want a moral reason too, we would be adding inflation. Sure maybe not much, but that’s still bad for everyone else.”

Wolf then said, “Oh… well that’s disappointing.”

Wolf had said that with a sad; disappointingly look on his face as we had both calmed down from our heated discussion.

And then a moment of silence came around for a few seconds… until Wolf came out of nowhere like it seemed and asked me with a smile, “So you want to get high right now?”

I had just looked at him with an emotionless expression, and I think you know the answer to that.

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic: Universal Magic: Episode 10: Boast Busters Your Blue Balls:

And from there, we continue to where we left off at… yeah I don’t know why I put that little… Episode thingy there… it’s kind of nice. But at the same time, it speaks volumes, it says something about society and… uhh… shit, I guess.

Anyways, if you couldn’t guess what my answer was to Wolf after he asked me if I wanted to get high with him, the answer was as clear as day and obvious… the answer was yes. So I took a joint from the coffee table, got on the couch, grabbed the lighter I threw to the ground after Wolf was pissing me off, and me and Wolf just blazed the morning away.

Me and Wolf had our legs put up on the coffee table as our muscles relaxed and we unwounded our minds and thoughts from throughout the past days. Our backs were completely flattened out with our heads facing the ceiling. And Wolf had his sunglasses back on as well while I started to have a little red coming into my eyes, as we were relaxing and just talking to each other, with the conversation going in whatever direction it decided to go and just not worrying about a single thing.

And it went on for a good chuck of the morning as well. Although I ain’t detailing everything we said, so let me give you a hint as to what was going on towards the end of our talks, because I can do whatever I want… and you can’t, because I said so. Well unless you’re the Jews, the Jews eventually finds out about it one way or another; especially the big, long, nosed ones that are big enough to where you can smoke a cigar in the rain without putting out the fire.

Sounds ridiculous, but hey they exist somewhere in the middle of the desert. Don’t believe me; go ask some guy with the last name Goldstein, all Goldstein’s know about this stuff. Although some might try to deny that claim, so you didn’t get it from me or else they’re coming after me for sure. Shhhh… ok back to what I was doing, oh right, me and Wolf’s conversations. Well I guess I’ll have to choose a point to start at uhhh hmmmm, ok, so after like two hours of talking to each other, we ended up taking a moment of silence. Just laying there, letting our minds run away with whatever was coming up in our heads and shit.

And eventually after like five minutes of silence, Wolf spoke up to me as the silence in the room started to envelope me and my mind, “Hey Knight?”

I then had said calmly to him as the drugs had well taken affect and calmed my senses, especially my sense towards Wolf and how he was acting, “What is it?”

Wolf then said to me, also in his drugged out tone of voice, almost as if he was drunk in a way, but a calm, sleepy drunk you could say, “Do you ever think about your life back on Earth?”

I then said to him, “Wh-what do you mean by that Wolf?”

Wolf then said to me, “I mean like… do you ever think about the people you left and think about how you used to be?”

I was then silent for a bit, trying to think about an answer as my mind was wandering amongst other things, but I did my best to concentrate on the topic, so I responded to him with, “I don’t know. I mean I forget about it most of the time.”

Wolf then said to me, “Well… I mean… when you do think about it… what do you think?”

I then said to him, while still in my manipulated state of mind, “Jeez Wolf, you’re asking some hard questions there. Ummm… Well to be begin with, like I said, I don’t think about it that often, I just uhhh… forget you know? It’s been so long, so many… years since I’ve been there. Last thing I can recall is that I finished my first years of high school or my second maybe… and I found the portal, went my own way, and soon before you know it, I’m here smoking a green one with you Wolf.”

Wolf then said to me while looking at the ceiling still, “Yeah but… what about the ones that you were close to?”

I then told Wolf, “I don’t even… remember those people anymore. All I know is that I was close to them but over time I drifted further and further apart from them. And eventually I just wiped their memories of me away and ran away from it. Never looking back.”

Wolf then asked me, “Do you ever wish that you could ever meet them again, at least one of them?”

I then said to him after taking a minute to think about Wolf’s question, “Yeah… the more I think about that, the more I don’t. Probably because I am long gone from that period. I mean it was a short period from my life compared to the rest of it, it’s more or less a blip in my history.”

And then it went all back to silence.

And as the silence took me over, I thought what I had said some more and I then spoke up to break the silence and said to Wolf, “But you know what I do miss though Wolf from that little time in my life?”

Wolf then said to me, “What is that then?”

I then took my time and said to Wolf, “I miss the summer nights. I oddly remember that the most about my time from there. I mean even before finding TK, I used to stay up all night long, play some games, relax and watch some movies, sometimes all night long and watching series of movies. I remember even being outside during those summer nights and uhh… it was just one of those nights you know. Everything is calm and relaxed; you’re hearing crickets somewhere, but not sure where it is. You might even be able to see some stars out, the good shit. And you just let the night and the atmosphere take you in. You even get a smell for that sweet summer night air… all that good shit. That I do miss.”

I had a little smile on my face while saying that to Wolf, a kind of smile that you could tell with just one look that I was remembering something very nostalgic and that it was taking me back to a much more simpler time for me in my mind. For a few seconds, my mind was starting to be tricked into thinking that it was those old days again. But then I quickly shook my head after realizing I didn’t finish what I had to say to Wolf.

The smile quickly went away and transformed into a more serious face as I said to Wolf, “But I uhh… don’t know if I would want to go back to it. Honestly, I think I’d prefer being here than there right now, despite all the shortcomings that I have received.”

Wolf then started to change the subject on me as he then asked me, “Well what games was it that you played?”

I then gave a little burst of laughter, a small one that wasn’t too loud with a little smile upon my face as I then said to Wolf, “Well I don’t know about that. I would have to remember what years it was. Ummm… let me think uhh… I think it might have been 2011, 2012, something like that. I think one of those games was Minecraft I’m sure. Yeah I’m sure of it; it was popular during those days.”

Wolf then said to me, “Minecraft? Well what’d you do in that game?”

I then said to Wolf, “It was a free for all, do what you want, build what you want out of scuffed Lego blocks. I played it on an Xbox 360.”

Wolf then said to me as he started to have a little smile on his face, “Wow… that sounds kind of gay.”

I then quickly sat up by bringing up my back and holding myself up with one of my hooves and gave a weird look to Wolf and I then said to him, “Gay? I mean I know the 360 was kind of gay, but certainly wasn’t all the way gay.”

I then thought about it for a moment after saying that and then a thought had hit me, and then a little angered look came on to my face as I had then realized and said to Wolf, “Wait a minute… you don’t even know what a 360 is!”

Wolf then said to me, while remaining lying down, “Well when you take me out to the outside of the universe to have some fun I will. But from what you described, it sounds kind of gay.”

I thought about it some more and I then said to him, and went back to a more calm, ok face that you would give when someone finally tells you that they fucked your sister last night, but you claim that they couldn’t because she is dead. But then that someone tells you that they went and dug up her grave and rapped it while doing it anally with no Vaseline, and then after thinking about it, you come to accept that it is plausible that someone could have done it, you just accept it. Yeah, that kind of an ok look is what I had on my face.

I then said to Wolf, “Well, it was kind of gay, but only with the Kinect. You kind of looked like a gay asshole while doing… whatever with it. Now the Wii, now that was gay.”

Wolf then said to me, “Even the name sounds gay.”

I then said to Wolf, “I know, you basically held a long white stick, or a black one, in your hand and do certain hand motions with it.”

Wolf then said to me, “Oh that sounds definitely gay.”

I then responded with, “And sometimes you would have to put a condom on it too so you could get a good grip on it.”

Wolf then said to me, “Now that sounds super gay.”

And I then said to Wolf, “And I think the only game that I had with was Brawl and Kirby.”

Wolf then just simply said, “Supr Ultra Gay.”

I then said to Wolf, “Well I wouldn’t go that far, I mean I know brawl had its problems, and Melee was certainly the better one, but uhh… Brawl had its moments… I think. It had Sonic so that remains questionable. Oh wait you mean Kirby… yeah that is Super Ultra Gay. All Kirby does is suck on guys for the entire game and he’s pink. I mean he just wants those guys inside of him all the time. But I’ll tell you what wasn’t gay though… Superman 2, the director’s cut on blu-ray on PS3, the best game ever made for that’s system.”

Wolf then said to me, “Now that doesn’t sound gay at all. Sounds like it should be on a top 10 list.”

I then let the silence return and take us back into its embrace as I continued to be in the position that I was in. And after thinking about it, the words top ten lists got me thinking about how the internet was back before I had left.

I had then said to Wolf, “Top ten lists? Now I’m starting to remember all those top ten videos on YouTube. Those were some days, that’s for sure. It was like everything had a top ten. Top ten games of the sixth gen. Top ten movies of this year. Top ten cars of this decade. Top ten presidents of the United States. I think most of it came out for a quick buck too. It was cheap, easy to make, and raked in those views.”

I then thought about something for a few seconds and an idea came to mind as I then asked Wolf, “Say Wolf, what is your top ten list?”

Wolf then asked me with a bit of confusion in his voice, “Top 10? Top 10 for what?”

I then thought about it for a few quick seconds and quickly came up with, “Top ten of uhhh… top ten mares that you would fuck the most.”

Wolf then said to me, with a smile forming across his face, “Now that I like. Let me think, there was a lot of sweet asses out there. I guess those two twins from the Celestia’s school I would put at 10 and 9. At 8, I would put down that marefriend of yours Twilight.”

I then said to him with a quick and dead straight remark, “She isn’t my girlfriend. She wishes though…”

Wolf then said to me, “Whatever. 7 would be that cheerleader, whatever her name was. I fucked her once though, had a nice ass. 6 Would be Cadence when she came over the one time. I know she’s married and all, but if I could get her to cheat on her husband with me, it would be perfect. 5 would be that hot stripper I met at that club and was lucky enough to bang.”

I then also said quickly and dead straight forward to Wolf with, “That was a dream that you had last week.”

Wolf then said to me, “And I would bang her again regardless. 4 would be Miss Hot.”

I then said to Wolf, with once again a dead straight face, “That was from a magazine… from over seventy years ago… that you found in the dumpster next to the old abandoned sex toys shop near down town in Stalia… yesterday.”

Wolf then just said to me, “And I would still probably bang her if she was in front of me.”

I then said to Wolf, “If she was, she’s probably be really old”

Wolf then said to me, “Eh, I’ve done worse.”

I then said to Wolf, “Or she is nothing but dust or a rotting corpse, slowly withering away in an unmarked grave somewhere in the local graveyard.”

Wolf then said to me, “Eh, beggars can’t be chooser.”

Wolf then continued to say calmly, like what he had just said was normal, and to be fair for him it is normal, “3 would be Fluttershy just because she’s into animals.”

I then said to Wolf, “She isn’t into bestiality.”

Wolf then said to me, “Well I like to fantasy about her, me tying her up, and forcing myself into her. Oh yeah that sounds like a lot of fun.”

I then said to Wolf, “That’s considered rape. And you only met her that one time.”

Wolf then said, “Not if she enjoys it. 2 Would be Celestia because of that nice big ass of hers. And my top 1 would be Molestia, because she’s my bitch… and I’m her bitch too.”

I then said to Wolf, “Uhhh huh…”

Wolf then asked me, “So what about you, what’s your top 10 uhhh… I don’t know uhhh… ponies?”

I then said to him, “Well I really don’t know about that since times have change, so I guess I’ll have to go by my old list from Earth. Ten would be Cadence, nine would be Derpy, eight would be Vinyl. Seven would be Trixie, six would be Rarity, five would be Fluttershy, four would be Pinkie, three would be Celestia, two would be Rainbow Dash, and one would be Luna, and only because of the night relations. I kind of have a soft spot for that stuff.”

Wolf then had a little smirk on his face as he then said to me, “Oh, so that’s who you would fuck huh?”

I then said to him with a little annoyed face, “Wolf, I swear to…”

And then our little conversation was interrupted when a loud knock came on our door. It was very sudden and felt like it came from out of nowhere, yet that’s kind of how knocks on the door goes. In fact, it was that kind of knock where someone can develop PTSD from it, or at least pretend to, and when the girl scouts come a knocking on their front door, they can yell like a banshee and sue the ever believer fuck out of them for doing so.

Oh wait… never mind, it was that kind of knock so there you go. And when the knock on my front door happened, it felt like it came from out of nowhere, my head turned and my expression changed into a curious look as I wasn’t expecting anyone at my door at that time. For Wolf however, the knock startled him, or at least that’s putting it lightly.

What really happened with Wolf was once the knocking came from the door, Wolf’s emotions changed from a chilling, relaxed look on his face to a scared and worried look on his face from zero to sixty real quick. And all the while he quickly rolled over and fell face first on to the hard floor as he made a little yelp sound. And after being on the ground for a quick second or two, I turned my head towards him in curiosity as I was wondering what was going on with him.

And soon before you knew it, Wolf quickly got up and said as he struggled to gather all of the green shit that was lying nearby and making an attempt to gather all of it all with his wooden paws, “AH FUCK IT’S THE FUZZ!”

However, he was more or less clumsy with his movements as well failing to realize he has no thumbs, so he was automatically inferior as a living thing, as some of the buds fumbled from his grasp. However, Wolf didn’t seem to notice that he was being careless with his precious drugs and just stared at me with a state of worry etched deep into his face.

And as he was staring at me with his big green eyes, he looked towards me and said, somewhat being loud in his tone of voice, “Quick knight, you stall them for as long as you can while I go to the bathroom and flush the evidence! Remember Knight, they can’t come into your home without you inviting them in first, that’s the law!”

And then Wolf, while trying his best to move on a constant rotating of two to three legs, made a run for the bathroom, or at least as fast he could since the balance was a bit off for him.

And as he was on his way to the bathroom as my eyes followed him, not saying a single word towards him, he then briefly stopped in his tracks, turned his head towards me with a state of worry still on his face, and said to me quickly, “And remember not to buy into their scam! Whatever they say to you, don’t trust the lemon cookies, it’s not what you think it is, IT’S A LIE!”

And then Wolf, without giving any context to what he was saying to me about, ran off up the stairs to the bathroom on the second floor, and all I had to say under my breath was, “Typical Wolf…”

And so with Wolf out of the picture, I calmly shook my head, got up from the couch and hopped down lightly on to the floor, and headed towards the front door.

And just to also let you know, that I had been smoking weed a lot, and it’s not for comedic proposes, but it is somewhat is relaxing. It really takes the edge off sometimes, that and I feel like I’m rebelling against the system you know? I know by this point it doesn’t matter in my life, but eh, makes me feel like I’m still a teen back on earth. It makes me feel cool and that I’m hanging out with the cool kid that my parents and teachers tell me that is a bad influence on me, that bad influence being Wolf.

And let me tell ya, he is a bad influence indeed. I mean I wouldn’t listen to the wooden fuck if he told me to jump off a bridge, but I would probably end up, I don’t know, staying up pass curfew if it came to that situation.

Yeah, take that society, thinking you can tell me what to do and when to go to bed. Fuck you! I’ll go to bed when I want to go to bed. I AM YOUNG AS THE NIGHT BABY! Sorry, I think I had a little too much to drink last night. Celestia wouldn’t let me have any alcohol so I had to go to rubbing alcohol. I know it isn’t much and you can barely get a buzz on, but it does the trick though. And the best part, Celestia doesn’t know. Although she is going to get suspicious about where the alcohol is going to so I’ll have to find an alternative soon.

Anyways, I headed towards the door, calmly and taking my time despite the ones on the other end have been patiently been waiting for me. And when I got to the door, I simply opened it.

And all of a sudden, two colts, or I believe the correct term is colt. I don’t know. Two small boy children. Whatever. Two colts came up to my door and was standing right in front of me. One was a tall small boy child while the other one was shorter and more pudgy like. The tall was one a weird lime green color while the other one was a light red-ish red colored, with both their manes being short and colored to their opposite coat color.

However their body features were a bit odd. The tall one looked like he was born in an inbred family from West Virginia, and then somehow again in the state of Vermont. He also had that weird lip going on where the bottom portion overlaps the top part. And the short one looked like Igor from the many cartoon parodies of Frankenstein. You name it, the one big eye with the one small eye, crooked, overgrown teeth, and a weird back problem going on. Anyways, they told me to come and see the magnificent Harry.

I’m not kidding. That’s the Trixie pony for me. His name is fucking Harry. Of course, that sounds like Harry Potter, since he’s a unicorn and all.

There’s just one problem though. He’s not British. I mean, I always joked back on earth, that all British people are all wizards and go to Hogwarts. I also joked that Rarity had a British voice accent a little, and I just said she was a wizard. I even gave her a somewhat funny back story. She was once owned by harry Potter.

I also had one for Fluttershy as well.

The thing is with this one, is that the reason she is shy and is because she is trying to forget painful memories that she had when she was in the Vietnam War. Don’t ask where that came from. Although it doesn’t really compare to a hambone skeleton in a wheelchair that was also in Vietnam. Which reminds me… of something… that I probably shouldn’t mention right now…

Anyways, I stared at the two small boy children with a confused look on my face and I kindly asked the two, “What do you two want?”

I had said it was a bit of a disgruntled tone in my voice, but just enough to make it seem that I still cared and was curious about it all, like hope, but hope always die in the end, just like for my will to live some days.

Well I asked the question and the small red one said in a sort of stereotypical Igor accent, “Ah yes, good day good gentlecolt. My name is Dog, and my friend here next to me is named Tails. Say hello tails.”

Dog had a creepy, almost sinister like smile going on while talking to me, as his big oversized eye was starting to freak me out. However, I kept my cool and carried on while the two small boy children continued to introduce themselves.

Anyway, Dog was looking at Tails for him to respond and Tails simply said while looking like Wolf if he was high but also had a mental disability, “Argh, argh, Argh, Agh agh!”

While Tails was trying to speak to me, he was pointing in random direction with his hooves, while still looking calm, relaxed, and a little bit happy, even though he was probably being tormented on the inside just like the rest of us. That’s how you know that we are all the same on the inside.

Well, I started to squint my eyes a bit towards the two small boy children as I asked the rounded one, “Is there something that I should know about him?”

Dog then said to me, with a bit of a disappointed look on his face, “Ah yes, he has a condition that is irreversible. Let’s just say the gene pool was a little short for him and in the end had to be raised by animals in the woods. Don’t think about it; just know that he is the result from an unfortunate experiment from two lovers of the same blood.”

I then stared at Dog and then asked him, “Why haven’t I seen you two here before?”

I was starting to get mighty suspicious of them, even though they were pretty much the snips and snails for me. In fact, that seemed to make sense. It really does if you think about snips and snails.

Anyways, Dog then said, back to his suspicious, sinister smile, “Well we just happened to be in the neighborhood and decided to come by and drop you a message.”

I then asked him with still my squinting eyes, keeping my line of sight on them and taking for what they had to say with a grain of salt, “What message?”

Dog then said to me, with a bit of a surprise in his tone, “Why for you to come out and see the Magnificent Harry of course!”

I then asked him, “Who the fuck is he? Some guy who won’t come out of the closet from underneath the stairs?”

Dog then said with an optimistic tone, “Why of course not! He is the Magnificent Harry, the most powerful magician of all in Equestria! The one who can beat anypony at any game they choose! Someponies even say he can even move the moon without any assistance from the Princess of the Night!”

I then went from looking at the two small boy children and raised my head up and just stared into empty space for a bit so I could think this all through in my head.

And in my head, I was saying to myself, ‘Well son of a bitch, I guess this isn’t my day today. This is the day I guess where history repeats itself. It is weird reliving the episodes from the show though; I wonder how this’ll turn out though for this one? It might be small and easy, it might not. I mean I rather just stay in all day and call in sick, but I’m pretty sure the Universe is going to force me to go out today regardless if I like to or not. So I guess I’m going out one way or another, either through guns ablazing or going out and repeating history. I wonder what would happen if I did fight the universe though? Should I tempt that fate? Hmmm… probably not, I’d get my ass kicked. But still, it sounds like I’ll have to deal with this one and be in the spotlight… again…’

And so I went out of my own train of thought, looked back down on to the two small boy children and looked them right in the eye and said while having a face filled with determination on my face, “Alright then, take me to him then. I’m willing to take him on and put him in his place.”

I even had a little smirk on my face going on as well, but the two small boy children were looking at me funny.

Well Tails wasn’t, but Dog was, and Dog just simply looked at me and said, “Well he is out in the middle of Stalia were everypony has gathered to see him perform, so I’m sure you can find your way.”

But then Dog returned back to his sinister looking smile and then said to me, “But we’ll see you there though. And when you do come, you shall be amazed and astonished by the amazing feat of the Magnificent…”

I then slammed the door on the two small boy children as my expression of determination disappeared and Dog just simply said as he was cut off, but still finished his sentence with, “Oh… uhh… ok then. Well we’ll see you there!”

And then the two small boy children left as I then quickly turned around towards the direction where Wolf went to get rid of the evidence and yelled out to him while placing my right hoof around my mouth, like what human beings do from time to time for whatever reason, “Hey Wolf, are you finished yet!?”

Wolf then yelled back at me from all the way from the bathroom, in which case apparently he used the upstairs bathroom, “Not yet! Are they gone!”

I then yelled back towards Wolf, “Yeah it was just two kids that was at the door!”

Wolf then said to me, “So that’s what they’re doing nowadays huh! They’re using midgets to trick ya, I told ya knight, don’t trust them!”

I was going to argue to Wolf that it was just the two kids and not the fuzz, but I decided not to because it was pointless to rage against the machine like that.

So I then just yelled back to Wolf, “Yeah, you were right Wolf, those midgets were suspicious!”

Wolf then yelled back towards me, “What did I tell ya! You know, I remember seeing a midget once back when I was living in the Everfree, he was trying to sell me insurance for…”

I then yelled back towards Wolf and cut him off as I was about to head out the door, “I’m going to stop you right there Wolf, I’m leaving, history is repeating itself again. I’m going to go see some pony who just came out of the closet and is doing “magic” tricks out in public! Do what you want, just don’t burn everything down before I get back!”

I had a little bit of an annoyed look on my face while yelling that back to Wolf.

However, Wolf then simply said to me, “Oh I love magicians! Hold on, I’ll be right there!”

And then a moment of silenced passed us by as I waited for Wolf to come down, and the longer I was waiting, the more I was being annoyed by Wolf’s wooden slow ass. I had thought he was going to come down and see with ne, yet wasn’t downstairs yet.

So I yelled back up towards Wolf and asked him, “How long does it take to flush a few buds down the toilet!?”

Wolf the yelled back towards me and he said, “Yeah… I’m not going to lie, I kind of got distracted and decided to take some of your medicine that you have in the cabinet in the bathroom here.”

I then yelled back towards him, “I don’t have any medication!”

Wolf then was silent for a bit until a few seconds later when he yelled back, “Oh… ohhhhh… no… I think I’m going to be seeing demons on later tonight then. Well, if I’m popping pills, I might as well take them all… go on ahead of me Knight, I’ll meet you there! The expired medicine shall not defeat me!”

LATER IN THE MIDDLE OF STALIA…

While Wolf was in the middle of doing god knows what, I went ahead and made my way to wherever the event was taking place at. And while on my way going there, everypony was making their way there as well, pretty much applying that Dog and Tails were making the rounds and spreading the news to everyone in Stalia.

And as the other ponies were passing me by, I could see they all had excitement and wonderment across their faces, wondering who this mysterious pony who was so powerful who claims can also move the moon. So after a bit of a walk, I eventually made my way to the center of town to be met with a huge, probably made on fifty cent on the hour, wooden stage with purple curtains to drape it and give it some piazzas’.

And surrounding that stage was a huge crowd of ponies, pretty much the entire town of Stalia was there, except for a few. Like maybe a few, but I don’t know, I had just gotten there, I could barely tell who was who. They all looked the same to me. Now I know that may sound racist, but… uhhh… it is racist and, yet the bombs haven’t been dropped and god has yet to give a damn to get off the couch and stop jerking his dick off to Jewish porn.

You can trust me with that statement; God is on the Jewish conspiracy. He knows what he is doing, and is planning on putting all the goys down under after they die. Only the good goys that give the sheckles to him at church time will go to heaven. I mean it is true that God has a very long nose and likes the sound of money; it is only merely the truth that I speak of. It’s why Israel is our greatest ally, because god moved the embassy and uhh… something. I forget the rest, but god is a Jew and is on the whole Jewish elite business.

I mean did you know God’s last name was Goldstein? Yeah… Bet they don’t teach you that in your history class huh? Those commies in school are only telling you lies and Michael Jackson knew that too. That’s why they had to put him down because only he knew where he put the Sonic 3 game with his music in it, the real one. Anyways, not only was the crowd there, but all of my so called friends were there as well, more or less towards the front.

Well, I went to the crowd and gently and politely shoved my way through and pushing anyone that was in my way and telling them to shove it. And after all of that, my friends were there and I could see them at least for me a bit of a surprise that they were right there. But then when I thought about it, it was just like the episode, so it was only natural it had seemed for me to be near them. Neon, Forrest, Arrell, who also had AssHat on his back, and Mac were all up in front and I was right next to them, while Jack was trying to be better then Harry up on the stage. And from there, I could also see a better look at this Harry. He had a black mane color with a lushes style for a mane.

It even had that swirl to it a bit near his forehead. And as for his coat color, it was a very light-ish purple, sort of like lavender, but not quite. It’s hard to pin point, but it reminded me of Trixie, just whiter and less black, which is a good thing in terms of design. And for a cutie mark, he had a yellow star with tiny little stairs surrounding it, almost as if it was fireworks going on. He also wore a dark brown cape for some weird reason.

But the cape had looked like it went through hell and back and then maybe went to hell again because it forgot something, so it went back to go get it, but by the time it gets back to hell, it turns out it already had what it thought it forgot. So it gets pissed, throws a fit, goes over to the hell next door and starts a shooting rampage on innocent citizens because why not? But he didn’t wear a hat though. He was also a unicorn as well. And there was one other defining feature about him as well.

He had a very handsome or a charming looking face. Not that gay kind of handsome to the point where you and all the boys get rock hard for it, but that handsome that is competition to get all the wet holes that makes you think a fish market is in there, if you know what I mean. In fact, while looking at all the other ponies around me, the mares of Stalia were eyeing this Harry like a doll, with their mouth open and drooling over their possible future pony that they will meet, get drugged, and be taken advantage of, but then won’t care because it was their first time or something.

Maybe not, or maybe so and it’ll be their last because who knows, maybe that certain pony is in the market for bodies for the science market. You never know. But anyways, as the mares of Stalia had their eyes and pupils filled with pink hearts as they continued to drool over the looks of some random stranger they had just seen for the first time, in which case they should have their eyes checked, might be cancer, I was right next to the other guys as we were watching Jack and Harry interact on stage.

As we were doing so, I turned my head towards the guys and they were looking at me as well as I asked them, “So what’s the whole commotion about? Is this guy gay and going to do a back flip out the window for us all or what?”

Forrest then said with a bit of a worried look, “That’s uncalled for.”

I then said back to him with an unamused look on my face, “Well Forrest, maybe you shouldn’t be such a pussy. So anyone else but Forrest can fill me in here?”

Arrell then looked towards me and he then said as he was pointing a hoof at Harry, “Well apparently Harry here can do anything that we can do, but better.”

Mac then said with a sort of annoyed look on his face, but it was a combination of determination as well as he said, “Pfffffffft, Well I bet I can do whatever he does better. I know all the fancy maths and the deadly ku ba yahs , I can do whatever he does better, times one.”

I then said to him with a bit of a confused look on my face, “That would be about the same then Mac.”

Mac then looked at us as we were taken a back a bit as he looked a little angered at us as he raised his hoof and shook it, “I KNOW WHAT ME TIMES ONE IS! AND IT’S FIFTY TWO! WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT DO YOU GUYS TAKE ME FOR!?”

And after we had backed up a bit with our backs and had big eyes, a bit taken aback by Mac’s sudden actions, we all let a few seconds of silence between us go by.

And after a few seconds had left us, Arrell answered Mac’s question with a question and said, “An idiot?”

And then Mac calmed down, rolled his eyes as he put a hoof up to his chin and started to scratch it, as we all calmed and relaxed our bodies as well.

And then Mac said calmly to us all as he looked back towards us and he sort of nudged forward a bit and said, “Of course! You thought you could fool me, BUT I AIN’T NO TIM TOM TOOL PICKING FOOL! I MAY HAVE BEEN FOOLED AND HAD MY PLANS FOILED BY APPLEJACK MANY OF TIME IN MY LIFE BEFORE WHILE TRYING TO COMMIT AN APPLE GENOCIDE ON HER FARM, BUT I AIN’T no DUMMY! IF THAT FANCY CITY PONY RIGHT THERE CAN HAVE ALL THE FAME AND GLORY TO HIMSELF, THEN HE HAS ANOTHER THING COMING, I SWEAR TO CELESTIA!”

Arrell then said calmly to Mac, “You have problems.”

He then quickly snapped back to Arrell and got close to his face while putting a hoof on his chest and poking him, “AND YOU LIKE FUCKING ANIMALS LIKE A PANSY!”

While that had happened, I sort of drowned out whatever Mac was saying and looked towards Neon, who was smiling as always and was looking towards me.

I then said as I gave a little sigh, “So Neon… what do you think of all this… shit?”

I had said that while holding up a hoof and moving the top part around a bit in a little circle, while maintaining an ok mood on my face.

Neon however just said to me in response, “Apples.”

I then said as I lowered my head down a bit in disappointment, “Great, I’m proud of ya.”

And then Neon sort of lowered his head to one side, with making a knocking sound on wood at the same time. And from there we just kind of ignored each other and decided to watch what was happening on stage, which was Jack vs Harry. The battle of the century, well, more or less the battle of the next five minutes, but hey, it was… something… and certainly better than a fight between a bat and an alien.

I mean have you ever seen a fight between a bat and alien? It’s really something; well at least you think it’s something. But when you actually go to see it’s really disappointing. I mean you get all hyped for a fight between a bat and an alien, thinking it’s going to be the best thing of the year and shit. But when the fight actually happens, you just sit there, ask yourself ‘I waited this long and got this hyped for this?’ and you just sit there, trying to like it while on the inside you know you just wasted your time and money and you’ll never get that back. And you just slowly start to tear yourself up on the inside as your sanity decays…

Well, Douchebag was just like Trixie, an arrogant fool.

He was also were beating my friends in their skills that they had.

JACK

First up was Jack, as stated, he was already on stage, and he was looking mighty pissed. As for harry, he was looking like he was having the time of his life as he had a big grin on his face as he looked eager to show off his skills to everyone in the crowd.

And then looked outward to everyone that was paying attention and said with big, wide eyes and with a charming voice, “Ha ha ha! This gentlecolt right here thinks he can take me on and beat me in a game of hoof to hoof!”

Jack then said to him while pointing towards him, “It ain’t a fucking game asshole! I’m going to literally go over there and kick your fucking ass!”

Harry then said while closing his eyes and covering his face in smugness, “Well well well, resorting to violence are we? That’s not very pony of you.”

Jack then said with a frustrated face, “Pony of me? I am literally just going to go over and rip you a new one!”

Harry then said too the audience, almost as if this was some kind of bear in the big blue house shit, except you know… without the pedophilia, and said, “And just like that, we’re playing a game! A game that I will best him at! And all he had to do was ask of course instead of being rude.”

Jack then yelled towards him, “Rude!? You fucking asked me to come on here, I said no, called me a tasteless hack, and now I’m up here, wanting to show you what happens when you cross me!”

However Harry continued to say to Jack with smugness, “Oh did the Hack say something?”

Jack then said as he raised both hooves up in the air with force and had his face turned to red anger, “That’s it! You’re dead!”

And then Jack started charging towards Harry, but Harry still remained calm and relaxed and had a smile on his face, as he was confident in what he was doing. So as Jack was charging him, Harry stood his ground, but down to the last second, Harry moved out of the way and used his brown rag for a cape as a bit of a distraction, as that made Jack miss his mark, and then prompted Harry to move out his left foreleg and trip Jack’s back leg.

In which case, he fell down, and sort of tumbled down off the stage while landing on his back. And wouldn’t you know it; he landed right in front of us too, as we all stared back at him.

And from what we saw, we saw a not very happy chappy and Jack said with a disgruntled look upon his face, “Not a word or I’ll fucking kill you.”

Forrest then said with a bit of enthusiasm in his voice and a small smile, “Well I thought it was a very nice effort you put in Jack.”

Jack then said, while remaining on his back, “I’m killing you after everypony leaves Forrest.”

And then Forrest’s small smile turned into a look of despair.

MAC

Next up was Mac, as he then said to everyone as he volunteered to get on stage, despite no one asking him to do so, “Alright, alright everypony. Step aside, the real talent is here.”

He had said that while closing his eyes, walking up the side stairs to get on to the stage, yet with no other expression on his face, while waving his right hoof around towards the audience. He had said it in a way of as if he was the chosen one and that we all knew it. But Harry, Harry was loving it. Just by simply looking at him, he knew that he was already better than Mac.

He even gave a bit of a smug look, that look that tells to everyone that you’re better than everyone and that you know better than everyone and that you know what is best for them. So you end up going through a series of events that takes you to your local government and then over throwing that government and calling it a revolution, but in the end you’re just an asshole by nature and use and abuse the power that you took and you look like an asshole as you start sending all of your supporters to the gulag because why not?

And when you think you’re on top of the world, you just wake up and it turns out it’s all a dream and really you’re all alone and have problems that cannot be fixed because your father didn’t beat you enough despite asking him to beat you senseless because you have some weird fetish that only gets you off when you’re beaten by a daddy.

But your father just ended up blowing his brains out instead when you were three because you were a disappointment and didn’t go out and get a job by that time. Then you sit and wonder while in the dark in your bed room if you should too blow your brains out cause your dreams ain’t coming true. It was that kind of a smug look that Harry gave. But Harry didn’t even have to say a single word. He simply backed up a bit while still having that smug smile of his and extended his left fore hoof out to Mac while closing his eyes in confidence and offered him the spotlight.

As for Mac, he looked at this with a small smile of confidence and in his mind, he was saying, ‘Ha! This applejack loving son of a bitch is toast! I’m going to be making him look lower than a midget pony’s nut shack!’

And so Mac took the stage, stood right in front of Harry as Harry awaited for Mac to make his first move and continued to have a smug smile. For Mac, his small smile of confidence disappeared and was replaced a look of serious determination, as his eyes concentrated on Harry’s position, trying to mentally prepare himself to proof that he is better than this so called Magnificent Harry. And me and the guys, we had our eyes glued on Mac, anticipating what was going to happen.

And for the crowd, they were stumbling nd mumbling as quiet as they could as they too were waiting for what was going to happen next. The crowd was ready to see something exciting to occur and see what Harry could do in response to whatever Mac was going to do. And Mac was trying to think of what he was going to do to prove that he could beat Harry at his own game, which was the game of ‘I’m better than you.’

In a way, just looking at Mac’s face, it was starting to look like he was a little nervous or at the very least starting to perhaps rethink this whole idea through, as if he was uncertain about his plan. He looked like he was going to start sweating in nervousness, but in the end that didn’t happen. What happened next was that Mac put up his right hoof up near his face and then said while looking straight in the eyes at Harry as Harry was remaining patient for Mac to give him a challenge so that he can best him at it.

And Mac, while holding his right hoof up steadily then said to him Harry, all with a serious voice and straight into his eyes with no signs of regret or breaking down under pressure, “How many hooves am I holding up?”

With that question being asked, Harry’s smug face was quickly removed and was then replaced with a concerned, confused look on his face as he opened up his eyes turning from pride to worry as he then just stared at Mac, not sure what to make of his questions.

So Harry, unsure if he had correctly or need to get more of his schizoid medication from his doctor, asked Mac, “Excuse me?”

Mac then said with a slightly heavy tone in his voice and an angered annoyed look formed on his face towards Harry, “You heard me you pony son of a bitch!? How many hooves am I holding up!?”

Mac’s anger then turned into a confident look, with a hint of a sinister smile, form across his face as he stared into the eyes of his opponent and said to him, “What’s wrong? Are you chicken Harry?”

The look in his eyes and at his stance looked like it was from a final battle from an anime, where the hero or villain is about to use their trap card, that isn’t gay cause let’s all be honest here, traps are gay. And the only way they cannot be gay is if they are not traps, but formal traps. Although sadly those traps will never come to be, but then traps cards like that aren’t that big of a deal anyways. What? Were you thinking of something else you sick fuck? Unless of your course you have a fetish, then that would explain why you would be thinking of something else.

Anyways, Mac looked like he was sure that he had Harry beaten and that he would come out victorious. But Harry just stood there, worried not about himself, but Mac’s own sanity since he was asking such a weird, yet stupid question, when he is supposed to show some sort of talent that he can also do. So a few seconds of silence passed as the crowd stood there, waiting on what was going to happen next.

And so after a while of silence, Harry finally spoke up with hesitation in his voice and said his answer almost as If he was questioning it, “You’re holding up one hoof?”

After Harry gave his answer the crowd went wild, no seriously they went wild and clapped for a bit with their hooves, except for me and the guys of course, but then went into utter silence after that. And that did it, Mac’s smile of confidence soon disappeared and Mac just went back into a blank stare. And the look that he gave was that one of vast disappointment. It was in that moment that he knew that he had lost to Harry, and there was nothing he could do about it. In his mind, he was broken, a failure, a loser.

He wondered where it all went wrong, what he could have done. Should have he cheated just so he could have gotten ahead, who knows. But truthfully it was just Mac being an idiot like the southern like pony that he was. I mean he wasn’t southern, but he practically was. He was like a confederate that lived in the north, a Southern Yankee.

Not sure if he would hate the zebras though, pretty sure he didn’t, but he was backwards just like the Russians, so you be the judge I guess. Anyways, as Mac had a face that of someone who was defeated by his opponent, Mac just stood there and looked at his hoof for a bit, and then back to harry, who still had his look of confusion on his face.

And as the seconds went into silence, Mac finally broke it and said, “Huh… how did you do that? Unless…”

Mac then gave a little bit of a gasp as well as a gaping mouth as he had wide eyes and a shocked face.

Mac then proceeded to squint towards Harry as he pointed his right hoof at him as he said to him, “Are you some kind of fancy secret government mind reader you government agent son of a bore?”

Mac then said very loudly and suddenly with an outburst movement as he lunged forwards him a bit as he went back to all fours, “ARE YOU WALKING FOR APPLEJACK! TELL ME! TELL ME NOW!”

And from there, we knew as his friends, we needed to get help Mac and get him off the stage before he could hurt anyone and himself, as well hurting Harry, as that was the right thing to do. Just kidding, none of us gave a fuck and was enjoying watching the show.

However, Forrest, the goody two shoes that he was decided that he felt the need to go up on stage and try to lead him off the stage. So Forrest quickly, as he usually was, used his wings and swiftly got onto the stage and got behind Mac, as Mac was looking like he was ready to attack Harry.

Harry wasn’t moving an inch though; he was just watching the whole thing unfold like how everyone was in the audience. But for Mac, he looked like he was about to go for blood like a dog ready to maul someone to death. As Mac was slowly inching forwards towards Harry and pointing at him, Forrest swiftly got behind him and put his two hooves around him, trying to pull him back. He didn’t say a word, his actions was more than enough.

But Mac tried to resist and tried to lunge forward as he continued to yell towards him, “WHAT DO YOU KNOW! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE APPLE FAMILY! I MUST KNOW RIGHT NOW!”

And as Forrest was trying to pull him off stage, Mac knew that he had to get off, or at the very least being pulled off, but not before he got his last words in.

As he was being pulled off the stage by Forrest, Mac yelled towards Harry, “I’LL FIND YOU! I’LL FIND WHERE YOU LIVE AND I’LL MAKE YOU TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW! YOU HEAR ME!? I’LL BE YOUR FUCKING END YOU APPLEJACK LOVING, GOVERNMENT BOOT LICKER MOTHER FUCKA!”

And then Forrest was finally about to pull him off his stage as Mac had said his final words to Harry while using his wings. It wasn’t hard for Forrest though, but Mac was putting up a fight for Forrest to get him off. And as soon as Mac was off, Harry just stood there, not sure what to make out of it. He just stood there with a look of confusion. But then he just shook his head quickly and tried to forget that happened as his face returned to its usual smugness.

And as his smile returned, he looked back towards the audience and walked to the edge of the stage and looked everyone in the eyes and said to all of us, “So, you have seen my magnificent powers on two ponies, so who would like to come up and try to best me hmmmm?”

Harry had said it with as much self righteousness in his voice and on his face, it was disturbing.

ARRELL

And so for the next pony up to the stand was Arrell. He was sort of quick when it became his turn to go up on stage. And it’s not like we were all in on this and we were all taking turns to see who could be the biggest jack off in front of the town, but rather it just kind of happened. Maybe it was the Universe’s fault, you know? Or maybe it was voluntary and they just felt insecure about themselves or some shit like that. Who knows honestly?

But anyways as soon as Harry asked that question to the crowd, he didn’t get an answer. And to Harry, that was good enough for him since he didn’t have to do diddly dick and he had already proven himself to be the greatest out of all the other ponies in the town.

However, Harry somewhat deep down felt like he needed to do some more challenges and continue to show off to everyone in Stalia. So he looked around in the crowd, mostly whoever was near front stage. And of course were all near, but he had already challenged Jack and Mac, so he pointed his eye towards Arrell and soon had a grinning face filled with absolute glee, but in a sort of an asshole-ish way.

And from there, he moved closer towards Arrell’s position, which was a little more to the right of him, and pointed to him with his left hoof and said to Arrell, “You Gentlecolt, how about you come up here and try to see if you can’t best me in a challenge of your choice?”

Arrell however continued to sit on his ass and looked at him funny and said to him while shaking his head, “No thank you … I’m good.”

Of course Harry wasn’t going to let his new victim go, so he continued to insist with a charmful smile, as he lowered his head down a little bit and got a tiny bit closer to Arrell, “Why? Are you… afraid that you might lose to me?”

Arrell started to get a little emotional you could say. He started to feel a little annoyed by Harry’s statements. He even gave a little chuckle and a bit of despair started to form on his face, but he tried not to let that be shown.

Instead, Arrell just said to him, “Let’s not go there ok. We’re all here just to watch a show.”

However Harry knew he had him in his grasp and knew he just needed to push the right buttons on him.

So Harry then continued to give him a smug side glance as he turned his head and smiled with assurance and said to him, “So then, I guess that’s just another way of saying that you’re a loser.”

Arrell the said with a bit of a look of determination, as his face looked like he was angered just a bit and said to him as Harry was walking, “Now wait just a minute here, I never said such a thing.”

Harry however just said to him as he turned around and was walking around on the stage, “Oh but I can read between the lines. I can just tell by the sound of your voice that you’re chicken.”

With Harry’s last words to Arrell, that pulled a trigger in Arrell’s mind somehow.

Arrell looked like he was done and was pissed off, as he then said to Harry, “Excuse me?”

Harry then turned around with a little grin and looked towards him while pointing his left hoof towards him, “You heard me, a chicken!”

The crowd gave a little bit of a gasp, sort of being on edge, waiting to see what was going to happen next.

And Arrell just looked more pissed as he then said with a bit of annoyance in his voice, “A chicken? A chicken!? The only chicken is the kind that I breed; no one else calls me a chicken!”

And so as Arrell was all pissed off and shit, Harry had a huge, somewhat sinister like, grin form across his face, as he stepped aside and made room for Arrell to come up on stage. And as Arrell was making his way up on to the stage by taking one of the side stairs right next to the stage, Asshat was looking like an autistic kid as he just sat on his little bunny asshole and gave that fluoride stare.

That kind of stare that you give to someone when you’re arguing for something, but then they prove you wrong and you try to come up with a response, so you just stumble and mumble about that answer for a good long while until you just can’t come up with anything, so you just stand there and repeat the same shit that you just said because you’re a fucking dumbass. And you know you’re a fucking dumbass and that’s why you cry yourself to sleep every night not because you dad touched you (or didn’t if you have some sort of sick fetish), but because you can’t bare to live with yourself.

So you go into the bathroom late in the night, pull out the gun that you keep in your sock drawer, put it to your head while looking yourself in the mirror while still crying and keep telling yourself to pull the trigger. But then you pussy out and you just end up going to your therapist ad tell him what happened... but then it turns out you’re just talking to a Wendy’s cashier as he tells you it is a Wendy’s… And he also tells you to do a back flip out the window. That kind of fluoride stare that Asshat gave while Arrell was making his way. I tell ya, Asshat is a weird little bunny.

I don’t speculate anything sinister of him, he just looks autistic and probably needs to be put to sleep one of these days on the case of him looking at us funny all the time… that little furry fucker. Also as Arrell was going up to stage, guess who made an appearance? Wolf finally came back from the bathroom with a weird state in his eyes. Wolf had came from what seemed like from out of nowhere, but really he pushed through the crowd and came up sort of up from behind me.

And as he came up right next to me and not paying attention, he said to me as I was looking at Arrell, “Hey Knight, H-H-How’s it going.”

I then turned my head towards him and had an ok stare at him and said to him, “Oh, you finally made it.”

Wolf then said to me, “Yup.”

I then asked Wolf, “So, how did it go up there?”

Wolf then said to me, while looking nervous and turned his head around franticly and his legs twitching a bit, “It went alright. Started to see some shit. Hey uhh… c-can I ask when we started getting talking purple hippos to come into our house to fix the sink?”

I then asked Wolf with a bit of confusion, “What?”

Wolf then said to me, still being nervous and slightly raised his left wooden paw up from the ground, “Well the blue eyed bird looking fella was telling me you let those guys in because you’re trying to bomb Iran or something? What’s up with that?”

I then asked Wolf, “What are you talking about?”

Wolf then said to me before he went quiet, “I saw the black figure in the corner man, I FUCKING SAW IT… HE’S COMING FOR ME!”

Anyways, Arrell made his way up on to the stage and stared Harry right in the face. Arrell had a look of determination and was ready to show Harry that he was not a flightless bird that’s technically a disappointing dinosaur. And as for Harry, oh he was just loving it, everything was being handed to him on a silver platter and he just couldn’t get enough of it.

So Harry was about speak it may have seem until Arrell quickly stopped and gave a little smile on his face as he then pointed towards Harry and said to him, “You won’t be able to get me unlike the others Harry. In fact me and my little bunny buddy over here will show you that you’re not that great at everything as you say you are.”

He had said it with confidence and hope, almost as if he was going to be the hero of this here story. But he wasn’t as Harry just gave a little chuckle. Arrell saw this as confusing, wondering in his head what Harry had planned for him. And Harry just continued to have his laughter grow and grow, a little bit louder and louder after every second passed. And Arrell wasn’t sure what was going on since this seemed very awkward at the moment. And all Arrell could do was just stand there and give a look of confusion on his face.

And after a few second of Harry’s laughter filling the air, Arrell then asked Harry, “What’s so funny? I didn’t even give you a challenge yet?”

Harry then did give a little chuckle with a pure smile on his face, and as he was wiping the tears of joy from his eyes with his left hoof, he then looked onto Arrell with glee and told him, “Well it’s just funny is all. I-It’s just so funny that you would say that you and your pet bunny would beat me when you don’t have a pet bunny to begin with.”

As Harry was saying that, he was slowly turning and shaking his head to the side while squinting towards Arrell, with still the pure smile on his face. For Arrell though, he remained confused as he wasn’t sure what he was talking about. Last time he checked, Asshat was on his back, his little buddy bunny by his side, ready to take on Harry right next to him.

And all Arrell said to Harry was, “What are you talking about? Asshat is right here on my…”

Arrell was turning his head to check on Asshat and to point to him to prove to Harry that he had a pet bunny. But the moment that he turned his head around, Arrell’s confusion turned into a shock in a split second. His eyes became wide and his mouth agape, as he was surprised to see no bunny sitting on his back, since he knew he was there when he went up on stage to before. Quickly he had thought maybe he had fallen off or maybe he had ran off.

But all he could muster in that second was saying out loud, “Where did Asshat go!?”

And then Harry spoke up which caught everyone’s attention and even Arrell’s even though he was in a state of shock. And all Harry did was continue to laugh like he knew something that Arrell didn’t.

And Harry was continuing to laugh, as soon as all eyes were on him, Harry said to Arrell while trying calming down the chuckling, “Where’s your pet bunny? It seems to me that you’re not even good at keeping your so called animal friend with you. Sounds like a challenge to me.”

And so Harry raised his cape to one side, raise it towards the audience’s viewpoint, and held it there for a few seconds with a big grin across his face. And after holding it for a few second and Arrell waiting to see what Harry was trying to get at, Harry then finally swiftly pulled down his cape towards his chest with a big white smile on his face, and as soon as the cape came down, he revealed that Asshat was on his back, unharmed, calm and contempt.

And all Arrell could do was hold out his right hoof and yell out towards Asshat in shock, “ASSHAT! NOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Harry however just stood there while slightly holding up his right hoof and chuckling as he then proceeded to say to Arrell, “It seem that your precious pet bunny prefers me as his friend compared to you. Isn’t that right Asshat? Or should I call Legna, since you’re my pet now.”

He had said with such smugness that it could fill all of San Francisco as he had his eyes closed with a smirk on his face as he looked towards Asshat. Arrell just stood there, not sure what to do or think.

And all Harry said afterwards was, “It seems that I have won again.”

And Harry then started to walk off, but not before Asshat just fell off Harry’s back without Harry even noticing to begin with as he just walked away. And Asshat just feel flat on to the stage’s wooden floor, pretty much motionless, not giving a fuck since he was just a bunny, Arrell rushed over in urgency and got down on to his pony knees and looked a little sad, but mixed with surprised as he looked towards Asshat and tried to scoop him up without saying a word.

Although you could hear him weep a tiny bit underneath his breath, almost as if Asshat betrayed him or something.

FORREST

And so next up was Forrest. As Harry was walking to the left of the stage as Arrell was picking up his remains of his sanity with Asshat, Harry then yelled out, “So, who’s next!?”

He had said it with pure confidence. And the one to speak up was Forrest. He had sort of jumped into the air a little bit, but remained stationary in mid air while flapping his wings and holding his right hoof high up as he said with a smile, “I think I can beat you.”

He said calmly, almost like it was a friendly competition.

Harry of course was happy to see another victim of his show and he said to him and in the friendliest way possible while giving the gesture with his hoof, “Then come up here and show us what you’ve got!”

And then Forrest gently used his wings to get up on stage and silently landing on all four, with still a smile of hope. Harry backed up to give him some room while keeping his eyes on him.

And as Forrest got into his place on stage, Harry then asked him, “So, what challenge do you have for me that you think you can best me at?”

Forrest then said with a smile of hope, “Well I’m not good at everything. But I can make fire if I go really fast. It’s my specialty after all since it’s in the name, Forrest Fire.”

Harry then said with a smile, “Well, that’s an interesting fact to know about you. Sounds challenging to me, but a fair one at that. Let’s say we both have to spin in circles. The one who can create fire first wins!”

Jack then heckled out from the audience, “THAT SOUNDS RETARDED!”

However Harry said with assurance, “But it is a fair challenge though. If our friend Forrest here says he can make fire while moving very fast, surely he can make fire no matter what appendage he moves in no matter what direction, isn’t that correct Forrest?”

He had said that to Forrest while keeping a big smile and branching his right hoof out towards him.

And Forrest then said to him while putting his left hoof to his chin and rolling his eyes back, while keeping a smile, “Well I don’t like to brag, but I can if I try really hard.”

Harry then said with glee, “Then it’s agreed upon. And who knows, you might best me, you have your wings while I’m simply grounded.”

Forrest then said while closing his eyes and with a smile and said with a friendly tone, “Well, may the best pony win then.”

And then the competition started as Harry started to spin around as Forrest lifted himself up from the ground with his wings. And Forrest was about to spin in a small circle for all to see by pulling his body a bit backwards, anticipating and preparing himself to show off his talents.

However right before he could move a single muscle, Harry then quickly said with a smug smile, “Done!”

Forrest then had wide eyes and then asked himself silently, “What?”

And then soon before you knew it, all eyes were on Harry as he was laying on his sides, holding his right hoof to hold his head up and was laid out as if he was about to bang a chick in front of a fire place. All the while, his whole body was on fire, and yet didn’t seem to be affected by it. As for everyone else, we were all wondering how Harry was able to do that in such a quick amount of time.

However, before anyone could even ask such a question, Harry just got up, the fire died out, and he said in a smug tone towards Forrest, “It seems that I have bested thee. Well, thanks for playing along. Next!”

And then Forrest just gently landed himself back into the audience with his wings in disappointment to himself, as Jack was giving him the stink eye look because you know why by now.

NEON

And so the next one up on to the stage was Neon.

And so as Harry was looking towards the audience to see who was next and awaiting for a response, Neon walked right on up without anyone noticing and sneaking up behind Harry and said to him, “I’m next!”

He had said it with his smile as usual. As for Harry, he was taken a back a bit with wide eyes as he wasn’t expecting someone to come up their like.

However he quickly calmed down within seconds as he then got his head into the game and returned his smug smile as usual and then asked him, “Well then uhhh…”

Neon then cut him off and then yelled out without moving a single muscle in his body other than his mouth, “NEON!”

Harry then said to him, with a worry in his eyes, “Neon, yes, Neon… Well Neon, what challenge do you have for me today?”

Neon then said to Harry, “I can make a dog fucking a chicken eating a log of shit while a tiny hippo is signing opera on a donkey’s dick appear from my anus!”

Harry was once again taken aback by this statement and remained speechless as all he had to say was, “Uhhhhhh….”

And in response, Neon did shitted out a dog fucking a chicken eating a log of shit while a tiny hippo is signing opera on a donkey’s dick appear from his anus. And Neon didn’t say a single word. Although he did give a little bit of a murderous look in his eyes. I don’t know if anyone else noticed it, but I could just look into Neon’s eyes, silently saying that if you don’t do what I just did, I’m going to come into your house tonight and slit your fucking throat and making every cell in your living body burn to the stake while you’re being raped and murdered all at the same time as a black chick is signing a song of being raped and murdered as she is raping and murdering herself while singing the said song of being raped and murdered.

Yeah, that was what was in his eyes, and whether or not Harry saw that in his eyes was beyond me. Although you could tell he at least saw something within Neon’s eyes.

Anyways all Harry did in response was just stand there and said, “Uhhhhh….”

And then after droning on for a few seconds, he then somewhat nervously stepped aside from where his anus was at, with the wide eyes and all, and showed that he had replicated what Neon had done.

And as everyone saw that from the crowd, and the audience cheered on as usual for Harry and the two just stared awkwardly at each other. Harry was unsure what had just happened, but Neon remained with his smile while standing there, motionless.

But then Neon just started to float up and out towards the crowd as if he was flying, but not moving a single muscle.

And as he was levitating away from defeat, he looked towards me and he said to me with kindness, “Good luck Knight. Your turn!”

I had seen him floating away and thinking to myself that it was Neon being Neon as usual, and not paying much mind to it. I mean I was sort of taken aback by it in my mind, but by that point I was starting to get used to Neon’s Weirdness. And all I did was give him a weird look with one of my eyebrows being raised as I looked up towards Neon floating away.

However after Neon telling me good luck, I then said to myself quietly, “Good luck? Hell no, I’m out of here. I mean I know the Universe is probably going to try to make me stay and shit, but fuck no, stick a fork in me, I’m out of here. Maybe if I just sneak quietly out of here, the Universe won’t notice that I left.”

I had then said that with squinted eyes and started to shift my eyes from side to side, wondering if the Universe was nearby, watching my every move. And so I turned around, not caring what Wolf or anyone of my other so called ‘friends’ were doing, and started to head back home since this seemed kind of retarded to me.

KNIGHT

Well, I thought I was able to get away with it, but I guess the Universe was keeping an eye on me like a hawk cause as I turned around and seemed like I was able to just walk away from it all, but he then saw me, and challenged me basically.

Harry told me while pointing towards me with a bit of an annoyed and angered look on his face, “So, my show is boring is it!? Do I bore you to the point that you’re leaving, am I that bad? Did I not show enough of my magnificence to you!?”

As he started to talk me, I stopped dead in my tracks and all eyes started to turn to me as everyone else was staring at me, waiting to see what I would do.

And as soon as Harry stopped talking to me and the crowd made a pathway between me and Harry and giving us some room, I lowered my head in annoyance and said to myself under my breath, “Son of a bitch, I don’t want to deal with this shit…”

I then raised my head and turned my head in cynicism and gave him that, ‘I don’t care anymore, just leave me the fuck alone’ kind of look on my face and looked towards him into his eyes, showing that I was not in the mood.

I said to him, “No you fucking douchebag, ‘you were so magnificent’ during your show. What made me want to leave was you being a giant douchebag!”

Harry took offense to that and was starting to get ticked off by my words as he gritted his teeth and looked at me with anger while looking down on me from the stage, “What did you say to me!?”

The crowd gave a loud gasp while my ‘friends’ gave me a smile and pretty much with their eyes saying that they approved what I was doing. Except for Mac, he had a pissed off look, still sour over Harry beating him at his own game, literally.

And as for me, I then said to him, “You heard me, you’re a fucking douchebag. In fact your title is misleading. You should try to rebrand yourself to The Magnificent Douchebag! That’ll make all the kids at their birthday parties that you show up to for minimum wage go wild.”

However, Harry just was angered more and more as he slammed his left fore hoof hard on to the stage wooden floor and yelled towards me, “HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME WITH YOUR WORDS! YOU SHALL NOT WALK AWAY FREELY! IF YOU WISH TO WALK AWAY, YOU MUST EARN IT BY CHALLENGNG ME!”

He said it with a stern look and tone on his face and in his voice. It was almost as if there was going to be thunder booming behind him, even though there wasn’t. And as for the crowd around us, they were waiting in anticipating as to what my choice was going to be.

But I just looked up towards Harry and said to him with my annoyed look calmly towards him, “Nope. Fuck off. I can leave if I want to.”

Harry then said to me, “YOU CANNOT LEAVE HERE WITH YOUR DIGNITY INTACT! YOU INSULTED ME WITH YOUR WORDS, NOW YOU MUST SHOW IT WITH ACTION!”

I then said to him right before I turned around, “You see this… I’m walking away right now. And no enforcement of the law can stop me. Fuck off. Douchebag.”

And then I started to walk away as the crowd made a path for me to walk away on.

And as I was walking away, Harry stomped his left hoof on the wooden stage once more with anger in his voice, “HOW DARE YOU WALK AWAY LIKE THAT FROM ME! I AM BETTER THAN THEE! COME BACK HERE AND FACE ME AT ONCE!”

I then sort of yelled back towards him as I was walking away “What’s that!? You’re changing your name from Harry to Douchebag!? That’s great, I’m proud of ya, now fuck off!”

And then the unthinkable happened as I stopped in my tracks as Wolf spoke up and yelled out loud all of a sudden, “HE CAN BEAT YOU! HE CAN BEAT YOU IN ANY CHALLENGE THAT YOU GIVE HIM AND HE WILL SHOW YOU THAT YOU’RE NOT BETTER THAN ANY OF US, AND THAT KNIGHT IS THE BEST! YOU HEAR ME, KNIGHT CAN BEAT YOU AT ANYTHING AND IS BETTER THAN YOU!”

I turned my head with a confused, yet annoyed look on my face, as Wolf was out in the middle of empty space and talking to nothing, but seemed like he was talking to Harry… even though he wasn’t. He was pointing his wooden left paw to what was basically thin air. He was also swaying a little from side to side as I turned my heads towards him.

However, all I said to Wolf, “Who the fuck are you talking to!?”

Wolf then said to the thin air and not towards me, “THAT’S RIGHT! YOU AND YOUR DARK SPIDER MONSTER BUDDIES CAN’T TAKE THIS TOWN ALIVE! KNIGHT WILL BEAT YOU IN THIS GAME OF GO FISH AND WILL WIN THE GOLDEN CROWN AND WILL BE CROWNED KING! And then we’ll be rich and I’ll be able to jack off whenever I want… AND THAT GUY AT THE CAFÉ CAN’T SAY OTHERWISE! YOU HEAR ME, HE CAN’T SAY OTHERWISE!”

He then collapsed, face first and said in his muffled voice while to speak with a mouth full of dirt in his mouth, “GO GET HIM KNIGHT!!”

I just gave a slight sigh and shook my head, but as I was doing so, Harry then spoke to me as I turned my head towards his attention, “Well well well, it sounds like your buddy right there says you have a lot to show us. Care to accept my challenge?”

He had said it with a grin on his face with a hint of smugness in his voice, waiting to see if I would take the bait. However I kept my cool and kept the cynicism.

I said, “Fuck off”, and then out of nowhere it had seemed, a mare comes on to the wooden stage, that wasn’t even from this town I mind you, at least I don’t think.

Maybe it came from Neon, who knows. In fact, she had an 80’s look that makes me think Neon also shitted her out of his anus, but Neon was right there in the audience, so who knows. Anyways, as Harry kept his smug smile, this 80’s looking mare with a brightly colored Neon head band and a mare gym outfit from the 80’s while looking kind of hot in some respects, came out on to the stage from what seemed out of nowhere.

The mare went up to Douchebag, cause that is his new name from now on, and you’ll see why, and said to me while cuddling up next to Douchebag with an angered look towards me without Douchebag even acknowledging what was happening, “You’re not cool anymore man! You used to be cool, but now you lost the skill of magic. Harry here is way better and cooler than you!”

I then said to the random 80’s mare, “Who the fuck are you!?”

I even looked towards my ‘friends’ and them too didn’t know what was going on as they just gave me a shrug, except for Neon, so perhaps my theories are correct Neon was behind this somehow. Why? Don’t ask me, ask the green demon why, if you ever see him. And if you do ever see him, then may god rest your soul. You’re going to need it. However despite the random mare showing up right next to him and not even looking towards her, Douchebag also said how I wasn’t great and magnificent like him.

He said to me, “Well then, I suppose that means you forfeit and your wooden buddy over there was simply overselling you and your greatness. Such a shame too, with you being a unicorn, surely you could have been my equal, perhaps rivals of sorts, maybe even besting me. I would even give you the title and we would all, including myself, be calling you, The Magnificent Knight! But such a shame to see such talent go to waste like that, towards a group of low hanging fruit and a wooden plank.”

He was saying that all the while looking at the bottom of his right hoof, with as much smug as possible. He was filled to the brim with his ego. And all I could do in response was roll my eyes at him in annoyance since I knew where this was going and the Universe was pissing me off once more. Then another mare and a stallion came up beside me from out of nowhere as well. They too looked like from the 80’s or from some 80’s movie.

One was a mare that looked somewhat similar to the mare that was up on stage, but ugly and flat chested, in fact I think her chest was caved in. And the other one was a stallion that had a dark coat color and with a bright green neon colored jacket with also a sweatband. He was ok looking, not a looker for the ladies, but he looked like he could bang a few chicks if he tried hard enough. He also had a friendly charm to him as well. Also none of these random ponies had cutie marks on which only suggests Neon was behind all of this. I cannot prove it, but I suspect it.

Anyways, I just had a look of annoyance, but also of confusion as well as I looked both to my sides as I said quietly to myself, “The fuck?”

Anyways, these two random ponies stood beside me and the ugly mare told Douchebag, “Leave Knight alone! He didn’t do anything to you!”

The stallion then said to Douchebag, “Yeah, he’s a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be bullied by a jerk like you!”

I then said, “Who are you ponies!? Where the fuck did you come from!?”

I then looked towards Neon who was still smiling away and I had a little bit of a pissed off look on my face, but he wasn’t looking back towards me.

Instead I just said under my breath, “I swear Neon, if I find out that you did this, I’m gonna…”

And as I was busy looking towards Neon and being pissed off about the randomness, everybody then just left. Yup, all the random ponies that came out of nowhere.

Was it all in my head? Maybe. But I feel like we could all see them and that we all knew it was Neon and we were just going to pretend that it never happened. Well, Douchebag then spoke up and said to me, “So, are you going to be chicken and leave, or stay and prove to me that you are better than me?”

He had said with a smug smile like all the rest. However I just said to him, “Look I don’t give a …”

I was then cut off by Forrest as he then came up to the both of us calmly and kindly and said to the both of us, “Well how about a competition of power then?”

We both looked towards him, a little in confusion as I said to him, “That’s what he is suggesting though. And I’m telling him to fuck off and leave me alone Forrest.”

Forrest then said with a little worry on his face, but a smile nonetheless, “Well I know that, but I’m referring to using your magic and seeing who can create the best and biggest spell. And to play it fair, you can each have three hours to prepare for it and the winner can receive a prize.”

He said with a warm and kind smile, as if he was trying to fix a problem between a broken friendship. And as he finished talking, me and Douchebag looked back to each other as he remained high on the stage and I looked up towards him in annoyance and a little bit in anger.

Douchebag then asked me with a little smirk, “So what do you say, you want to show your magic off to me in three hours? The winner can receive my title respectively and be known as the best in all of Equestria. And the loser must leave Stalia forever!”

I then said to him like I was doing before, “I’m not leaving town, fuck off.”

Douchebag then said to me, with a bit of an annoyance, “Fine then, if I win, you must forever be known as Knight the Weakling and in shame, as well as to your next of kin for generations to come. But if you win, then I will retract my title of The Magnificent Harry to Douchebag as you previously claimed. What do you say, deal?”

That last part he had said it with a smirk, waiting to see if I would take the bait. For me, I just said to him, “Sounds retarded, but fuck it, the Universe won’t let me run away so I guess.”

And then we both shook hooves on it.

3 HOURS LEFT

BACK AT THE LIBARAY

As soon as we made the deal, Wolf and I headed back to the house, our home, our lovely… tree home library thing… that was only 1 / 8 library. But hey, I got paid to live there and be the “librarian” despite nothing ever happening with it, so what do I have to complain about? Anyways, I headed back, and when I got to the front door, I sort of kicked it open with my right hand, fore hoof,… whatever… And once I opened that door I had a bit of a sour look on my face, mostly due the fact that I was sort of forced into this by the Universe, or at least I’d suspect as much. Sure, maybe it was by coincidence, but are you going to try to either prove or disprove me wrong? I don’t think so.

But to be quite honest, I had a bit of competition spirit in me a little bit, so I had felt a bit determined to get good to beat Douchebag, but it was mostly me being forced to do it against my own will. So I had a sort of a pissed off and a I don’t care look on my face. And as I entered my home, Wolf soon followed, with him pretty much calming down from the drugs that he took earlier. Aside from some weird, uncomfortable feelings on the inside he looked fine and for the most part returned to normal.

And as we walked in, he was the one who closed the door behind us and as he was doing so as I was standing in the middle of the living room, trying to come up with a plan, Wolf asked me while sort of doing a weird side glance towards me, “So how are you going to beat Harry?”

I then said to him, not making eye contact and just staring off into space while trying to think, “Douchebag.”

Wolf then said to me, “Yeah, whatever, so what are you going to do?”

He then started walking towards me and into the living room area so he can hop up and take a seat on the couch.

As he was doing so, he then continued to ask me, “Are you planning on doing some training or fighting some ponies at the bar or something?”

I then turned around towards him and put my right hoof to my chin and then rolled my eyes back a little, while giving a little worried look, “Well, sadly I don’t know what to do. I’ve never thought this through?”

Wolf then asked me, while being mellowed out and sitting on the couch, “Aren’t you supposed to have powerful magic or something though? Just whip up a spell that’ll step on his dick and win over all the bitches and just call it a day.”

I then said to Wolf with a bit of a curious face, “Step on his dick? I know what you mean by that, it’s just weird coming from you. But that’s not the point. Clearly this is more complicated then it is out to be and the Universe is going to make me go through this one way or another.”

Wolf then asked me, “So this happened in the show back on Earth?”

I then told Wolf, “Well no… although not really but uhhh… remember when I was telling you all about the show and what happened in the episodes back in the cave back before I accidently gave you a voice with my magic?”

Wolf then said to me, “I was living in a cave and could barely understand the words coming out of a pony’s mouth at the time, what do you think?”

I then said to Wolf, with a little annoyed look afterwards, “Fine then, although you don’t have to talk back to me like that you wooden piece of shit.”

I had said that last part under my breath, although even then, I don’t think Wolf would have cared.

Anyways, I then asked Wolf, “Well how about the times back at Celestia’s school on some of those summer nights when I told you about it again?”

Wolf then told me, “I was drunk on those nights, I don’t remember. And I probably will get drunk tonight and won’t remember any of this as well afterwards.”

I then gave a little sigh while closing my eyes real quick, but then quickly looking back at Wolf and then told him, “Well to give a quick recap. It was the episode where Twilight learned the lesson about not boasting about one’s skills or some shit. And somewhere in the middle Twilight becomes a pussy and doesn’t challenge Trixie and then later proves she isn’t it when Trixie becomes too much of a broad and fucks it all up in the end.”

Wolf then said to me, “Sounds like every episode.”

I then said to Wolf, “Eh… kind of. Although it goes deeper than that. My point is one way or another; I need to think outside the box on this one and play by the rules the Universe set for me, well, unofficially anyways. I want to get through this part and get it done quick. And while this is different from the episode since this didn’t happen in the original show, I’m sure I’m going to have to do something and get training that may or may not involve a disembodied voice that may or may not be of my own singing a song to me training with me doing various things that is supposed to get me trained for the fight.”

Wolf then stared at me with his green eyes and a few seconds of silence passed us.

And after a few seconds of silence had passed, he then said to me, “Soooo… you’re saying it’s going to get fruity in here and kind of gay?”

I then said to him straightforward, “Yup and there’s no going around it. You got that old Sony Walkman with that generic sounding tape of generic 80’s instrumental music that I randomly found outside of the universes?”

Wolf then said as his wooden paws dug under the couch cousins, “Yup.”

I then said while having my face turn into pure determination, “Let’s get to it then.”

And then for the time that I had to prepare myself for the upcoming battle between me and Douchebag, I went through several stages of physical training and exercises out in the middle of the living room, while having my black cowboy hat being off and wearing a neon colored sweatband from the 80’s that is probably drenched in sweat and left by some brit bong looking mother fucker because he decided to stay at your house one time because he’s a freeloader piece of human trash; despite helping him get beer from the back of a very large freezer in a convenience store, but then end up leaving a few days later despite him taking your bed and you having to take the couch because you’re a nice guy.

But despite being a nice guy, deep down you hate that piece of shit, but he’s a brit bong so you have to be polite for at least a few weeks before you go ape shit on him. But then he leaves without paying you back and just leaves his sweaty Nike sweatband on the bed like a fucking asshole… I think the guy name was Daniel or something… or was it Justin? I forget, but that’s the kind of sweat band that I had on my head, all the while Wolf being by me and keeping track of what I was doing and trying to push me to my limits. Of course I also had my satchel off and was building up a sweat.

Of course I should add right before I started my training, Wolf had said to me that I knew what to do. He was right. I knew what I needed to do in this situation. And that’s by doing an 80’s movie training montage. Well, at least as far as it could go, because the more of it that becomes like an 80’s movie training montage, the gayer it is. But it felt like that though.

And during the training, I went through several exercises. One of the exercises was punching a punching bag for a while that we got from somewhere in the trunk chest thing that came with the place and using my front hooves to try and beat it the best I could. It was also colored a deep red so I could pretend that it was meat. You got to get that Indian nice and tender after all before you chuck them right into the oven.

Another exercise that I did was get some cheap looking jump rope that I maybe or maybe did not steal from a couple of kids, I cannot confirm or deny that, and used it to do some jump rope. Of course it would be hard to use with only two pony hooves, but hey, I’m a fucking unicorn, I just used a simple magic spell that could lift that shit and do the work for me. All I had to do was jump the shit. Afterwards I did some good ol’ fashioned pushups, and oddly enough, a pony’s bone structure in this universe could handle that since pushups are weird when you think about it for a pony.

But as I was doing pushups, I was drenched with sweat by that point, had a serious look on my face, and with Wolf being on my back, telling me to keep going and not to give up. Another set of exercises that I had done was also some good ol’ fashion sit ups. Also weird for a pony to do here, but it strangely works here in this universe, all with Wolf being in front of my back hoofs, trying to coach me.

And then to top it off, I did some jogging in place, because you know, no treadmill. Bitch, those treadmills here coast a fortune, well not really, but more or less just too much for me to do cause I’m a cheap son of a bitch some of the time. Anyways, those were some of the exercises that I had done while doing my training.

I had also done other training exercises that were like from Rocky 4. And of course I’m referring to Rocky and not that vodka drinking mother fucka. Although I did it all in my home so use your imagination there. But the other details I would like to mention is that while all of that was happening, I had the Walkman nearby playing some 80’s motivation music.

We’re talking where the music would play in the background while doing specific things. I basically had She’s a Maniac, The Power of Love, Back in Time, No Easy Way Out, Best of the Best, mighty wings, burning heart, push it to the limit, the workout theme from Rocky 4, You’re the Best Around, Hearts on Fire, and We Fight For Love.

Nah, just kidding, it was a weird random song that somewhere deep within my subconscious, I was signing it in the most weirdest way possible while the instrumental was just a generic 80’s training tune… I’m scared of my mind sometimes and afraid to go down that rabbit hole. It’s like it has a mind of its own.

But anyways, Wolf couldn’t hear it, only I could somewhere deep in my mind, the song went sort of like this:

You got to do it,

You got to push it,

You got to fight it,

You got to, just do it.

Push yourself to the limit,

Pull yourself to the end,

Do the things that you have to do

Fight it out!

Heart Fire of Love!

Don’t give up no matter what!

Heart Fire of Love!

Never let the flame go out!

Heart Fire of Love!

You got to just do it!

You got to kick it,

You got to punch it,

You got to beat it,

You got to break it,

You got to, just do it.

Heart Fire of Love!

You got to push it to the end.

Heart Fire of Love!

You need to work it out.

Heart Fire of Love!

Fight till the bitter end!

YOU GOT TO, JUST DO IT!!!

Heart Fire of Love!

Don’t give up no matter what!

Heart Fire of Love!

Never let the flame go out!

Heart Fire of Love!

Heart Fire of Love!

Heart Fire of Love!

Heart Fire of Love!

Beat that kid up, you can do it…

Yeah my mind is uhhh… my mind goes into dark places and I don’t know why some of the time. You could say I have mental problems, but I don’t, it just has a mind of its own and I question my own sanity from time to time, despite everything that has happened.

Who knows, maybe you are all part of my imagination and this is not even a journal that I’m writing right now and it’s just all part of some sick fuck’s fan fiction to something… maybe… who knows.

1 HOUR LEFT

Anyways, after that series of physical movements and pushing myself and just sweating like a hog in the hot summer sun, I had stopped, was breathing heavily a bit, and my heart going a mile a minute as I could feel it beat against my chest. I was calming down, standing out in the living room area with Wolf still sitting there, but this time with his sunglasses and drinking something out of a plastic cup with a straw, assumingly he got up and got himself a drink from the fridge or some shit while I was in the middle of training. He was also holding the cup with his right paw and occasionally drinking from it from time to time.

And as he was sitting there, I had a little smile on my face and asked him, “So Wolf, how’d I do? You think I’m good for whatever the Universe and that Douchebag throws at me in an hour from now?”

Wolf then said, “Well the challenge is supposed to be a magic a competition, but I’d say you lost half a pound and have good cholesterol levels.”

I then had wide eyes for a few seconds, but then went back into a pissed off and annoyed look on my face as I then said to him, “Fuck, I just wasted two hours dicking around didn’t I?”

Wolf then said to me, “Yup, looks like you’re up shit creek without a paddle their buddy”

I then said to him, “Fuck you. Fuck me, what am I going to do now, there is less than an hour left.”

Wolf then asked me, “Well can’t you just come up with a spell or something? It’s easy for you right?”

I then said to Wolf while having a look on my face that looked like I was trying to explain something complicated and rolling my eyes back, “Well, kind of. It is easy; although it does eventually all take a toll on my mind in the end after enough times of doing it. Also I most of the time don’t really care and too lazy to keep it all together, you know? I mean sure, I have the potential to cure cancer and solve world hunger, but do I feel like doing it? Nope. And besides, I would need to do spells on the fly, like a temporary spell or some shit. Like do something like that Green Lantern fella does in the comics, but in spell form.”

Wolf then told me, “How about one of those Buddhists mumbo jumbo that you’ve told me about once?”

I then said to Wolf, with a little pissed off look, “Oh, that you remember, but not the show? Fucker… but you do have a point though. Perhaps some meditation… hmmmm, let me try something real quick.”

I then sat down on my pony ass and had both my back legs be in front of me and also have both ends touch each other while I pointed both of my arms, fore hooves… whatever… and closed my eyes and remained silent and tried to look deep within my mind… just like what an Asian would do.

SOMEWHERE WITHIN KNIGHT’S MIND…

After getting myself into a meditation state, I was then surrounded by complete darkness. I was standing, in my pony form and not in human form, which was kind of weird, but it was probably because I saw myself in my pony form, so I just consciously was left in my pony form. Anyways, I was standing on all fours, looking all around me, and other than my own self, I could only see nothing but darkness.

And as I was turning my head left and right, I then said to myself, “Huh… I expected more from this.”

And then a disembodied, wise, male voice rang out to me and said, “Then you aren’t very bright are you?”

My eyes shot wide open and then I turned my head around once more trying to see who was talking to me. I asked out loud, “Who said that?”

The disembodied voice then said to me, “Think Knight, who could I be?”

My eyes calmed down a bit and I then said, “The shit that I see nightly in the darkness of my bedroom whenever I try to see in the dark?”

The disembodied voice then said to me, “Clearly you do not see straight. Take a second to think about it again. Clear your mind and open your eyes and only then can you see clearly.”

I then said to myself softly, “Clear my mind and open my eyes? What the fuck does that even mean?”

I then looked down at that dark ground and tried to think.

I then continued to say softly to myself, “Alright then, I got to try since I’m already in here. Come on Knight, you can clear your mind, hell, I’m already in my mind and its empty. Clear my mind and open my eyes; clear my mind and open my eyes.”

I closed my eyes real tight and moved around a little bit while doing so, and after concentrating real hard and trying to vaguely clear my mind and open my eyes, I started to feel something in my heart, or perhaps it wasn’t my heart, but something near it, it wasn’t my arteries. No, I felt… something, and after feeling it for a few seconds, I got the idea in my head that I did clear my head.

And then the disembodied voice then said to me while holding my eyes down tight, “You’ve got it. Now… open your eyes and you can finally see.”

And so I followed the instructions of the disembodied voice and I opened up my eyes. What I saw was still the darkness, the empty space that I was surrounded by, but the difference this time was that pretty much right in front up in my face was a person, a man no less of course. He looked a little bit like the Dude from The Big Lebowski, with the long rugged beard and long, a little curled up, hippy like hair.

He was also dressed up in rags and other pieces of cloths that seemed to have been randomly thrown together as if he was in some sort of rush to get somewhere on time and he just woke up late. As for the person, he was of course taller than me since he was a human, or at the very least human looking, but he didn’t tower too much over me, and possibly for good reason considering it was all in my mind. But I looked up towards him as he looked down towards me with a warm, welcoming smile that anyone would like to see. However I didn’t smile back and just looked a little confused, but curious.

I asked the dude, “Who are you? And where am I supposed to be right now?”

The dude then said to me, “Why, this is your mind, you’re just not used to seeing it like this, nor how to control it when you’re in it.”

He started to walk around as I was sort of following him around with my eyes, still looking curious, yet starting to get a tad bit annoyed since he didn’t answer my first question.

I then asked him, “Well I figured that much kind of. But is it always this empty?”

The dude then said to me, “Well no, it can be filled with many things, just like the outside of the universe, assuming you know how to do it that is…”

I then said in a mellowed out tone as he was walking around me while making appropriate hand gestures, “So you know about that place too huh?”

The dude then said to me, “Well of course I do. I know what you know, plus more than what you know about yourself.”

I then started to get annoyed so I then asked him, “Ok, yeah, but who are you though?”

The dude then said to me with still a warm smile on his face with a slight chuckle, “Where are my manors, I am sort of your own, personal spiritual guide that can help you in certain situations if you are in need of any kind of assistance. I was sort of born with you in a way, but kind of not, it get’s hard to explain as your consciousness wouldn’t be able to fully understand it at all. Just think of me as a helping little friend that is always with you near your heart. Although, you could always call me John.”

I then asked him with no emotion on my face, “John?”

John then said to me, “Yes, like John Doe since I was born with no name to begin with really. It’s only fitting, unless you perhaps would like to give me a name?”

I then rolled my eyes and put my right hoof to my chin and thought about it for a while, all the while going “hmmmmm...”, but I just ended up saying to John while looking back at him, “Nah, just call yourself Johnny, makes it sound cooler. Look, can you just help me out Johnny? I’ve got a challenge to go to and I have less than an hour to be ready and I need to make sure the magic that I have is in tip top shape, you hear me? So can you help me out or do I have to kick you out and find someone else?”

I had said like I was serious, although truthfully it was a little bit in good fun, and I think Johnny could tell, as he gave a little chuckle as he said back to me, “Johnny it is then Knight. And no need to rush. In your mind, an hour out there is like several hours in here. And as for your little problem, you just simply need to do what you did with me, clear your mind and open your eyes.”

Johnny got close to me when he said that and as he was; I just looked straight up to him and said, “Yeah, that’s not going to cut it. Look, I know I can make the spells and what not, but I kind of need to make things happen while on the fly, you know, even if it’s for a little bit and whatever is thrown my way?”

I had made a bit of a hopeful expression on my face when I had said that.

And as for Johnny’s response, he just simply said to me, “Well, I am your friend here, and so I shall help you.”

And then as we were staring towards each other, the entire darkness disappeared around me and turned into bright, white snow. To get a better idea what I’m talking about, we were no longer in an empty, dark room. Instead, everything around me turned into a mountain like setting. We were on the tippy top of a range of very tall mountains with being near the edge of falling off and all around was snow, all the while there was a snow storm raging against us very fiercely, although we could both hold our positions.

But the sudden change in light did make me squint as the light was too bright too fast as I held up my left forearm over my eyes. But after a few seconds of getting used to the light, I slowly put my left arm down and I started to look all around me. In a way, it was kind of a beautiful scenery, but also it was kind of frightening since it looked like we were very high up and could die, even though that wasn’t a possibility. But I looked down with sort of wide eyes to see that there was several inches of snow under me and all I could see around me was an endless mountain range with snow blowing in every direction.

I looked towards Johnny as he continued to smile warmly towards me, “What is this place!? Did you do this?”

Johnny then said to me, “Of course I didn’t, this is all you!”

He then turned around and spread out his arms like an eagle as he was presenting the whole land towards me like it was some great piece of art from a museum.

After he had turned his back towards me and my look turned into a curious one, he then lightly turned his head towards me and said with a smile, “But of course, you had a little help along the way.”

And then he let himself fall off the edge to where I couldn’t see him. My eyes went wide of course as I took a couple steps forward to see if he had committed suicide, with a look of curiosity on my face.

And after I took a couple of steps to see, an eagle flew really fast in front of me forward and Johnny’s voice came from that eagle, “CLEAR YOUR MIND AND OPEN YOUR EYES KNIGHT!”

And in that moment, as I looked at him flying away, I started to think about those simple and few words that he had said to me. It was like poetry, like it rhymed and there was a philosophical meaning to it all. It was almost like a life changing event and that it was a message for me to turn over a new leaf and to have a new outlook on life, and to perhaps see the world and life itself in a different light.

Nah, I’m just messing with you, I just shrugged a little and said to myself, “Fuck it.”

And then I went off the edge as well, and just like Johnny, before my very eyes, I was flying like an eagle. Well, not an eagle, but like a hawk, or a weird cross between an eagle and a hawk.

It was kind of weird, but I was flying just like him and I was flying through the snow storm like a breeze and through the mountain range. And as the land before me was passing my by like time passing a mortal by, the words that Johnny had said to me started to ring in my head constantly over and over again as it got progressively louder and louder.

And the more that it did, the more that I started to concentrate. And soon I started to feel something again near my heart, and before you knew it, I opened up my eyes and was in the living room with Wolf being still on the couch, but lying down lazily, and still in the position that I had left myself in.

And when I did, Wolf suddenly woke up and asked me in a half confused, half mellowed out state, “So… did you find something?” I then gave a hard look of seriousness and determination in my eyes as I then said to him, “I know what to do… I think...”

And then it was off to the challenge.

BACK IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN…

After that was over, it was time to face Douchebag. Well, I saw him… let me explain. Me and Wolf left the library and we headed back straight to the center of Stalia where Douchebag was still at, waiting for me, and with only twenty one minutes left to spare. When we made it back, everyone there that was in the crowd before was waiting for us, with my ‘friends’ also waiting for me with Forrest being the eager one, rooting for me to beat Douchebag.

Once I had made it back, I had the look of confidence on my face, as Wolf had the look of a stoner on his face, so it kind of made me look bad, but I didn’t say anything to Wolf because that would have hurt his feelings and something about friendship or some shit. Anyways, everyone had made room for me and Douchebag to fight in, so it wasn’t on the wooden stage from before.

The room that we were given was kind of big, just not that big. And it was more or less like an alley way sort of speak, with both ends being open. And as I showed up, Douchebag was pacing back and forth, looking pissed as he was waiting for me.

And once I showed up, his head popped up and he started to have a grin form on his face as he pointed towards me and asked, “So, you ready to face me or do you want to forfeit now and admit that I am the most magnificent one here?”

I had then turned my face from a serious one to a I don’t care one and I just said to Douchebag, “Yeah I really don’t care about the whole magnificent thing. I mean it’s kind of… or whatever, LET’S JUST GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH ALREADY!”

I had said that last part with a bit of anger on my face since I did want to get the whole thing over with, I mean I had plans that day, I just didn’t expect the stuff to repeat that soon.

But with that being said, Douchebag then gave a little huffing sound and then simply said to me while closing his and taking his position on his end of the little arena, “Fine, have it your way then.”

He then soon took position and I took mine’s on the other end with Wolf sticking to the sidelines.

And before we began, I looked towards Douchebag and asked him, “So, how is this all going to go down?”

Douchebag then said to me with a grin, “How? How this is going to go down is that I will beat you and I will win!”

He had raised both his forearms up and briefly stood up on his back legs. From there, he then went back down going back to all fours.

I then looked towards him, but annoyed and asked him, “No you idiot, I mean what are the rules?”

Douchebag then had wide eyes and seemed a little embarrassed and then said to me, “Oh uhhh… I don’t know, I never really think about rules.”

I then said in a sort of calmed down, yet still in an annoyed state on my face, “How about we each take a turn doing a spell and whoever the crowd cheers for the most wins. We can do best two out of three.”

Douchebag then said to me with a little, genuine smile, “Sounds good.”

He then started to go back to his grin, “I shall go first since I am the one with the talent!”

I then said to him in an annoyed tone, “Good for ya, I’m proud of ya Engineer”

He then said with grace while closing his eyes, “Thank you.”

He then had a sort of sinister looking smile form on his face as he raised both of his forearms up and said to the crowd, “NOW EVERYPONY STAND BACK, BE AMAZED AS I NOW SHALL CAST A SPELL OF LEVIATION!”

I then said sarcastically, “Oh no… not levitation…”

However Douchebag wasn’t being intimidated as he just looked towards me with a little strain in his eyes as he said to me, “Oh, but you don’t know what I’ll levitate! PLEASE MAY EVERYPONY LOOK TOWARDS THE WOODEN STAGE! PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT IT IS MADE OUT OF PURE, SOLID WOOD AND WOULD TAKE SEVERAL, POSSIBLY HUNDREDS OF STRONG STALLIONS TO EVEN LIFT IT UP A SINGLE INCH!!!”

While saying that, Douchebag didn’t turn around to face the stage and had closed his eyes with a smile with sheer confidence, all the while everyone from the crowd turned around to pay attention to what Douchebag was going to do. I was paying attention as well, curious what he was going to try and do.

And with that, Douchebag looked at me and kept his attention on me, not glancing or what it looked like to be concentrating on the stage. And as he was staring at me and giving me the stink eye, his horn lit up and the stage without force or resistance was just lifted up from the ground like a balloon. It rose into the air, above several tens of feet as everyone went “oooo” and “ahhhhh” in the crowd.

As for me, I just rolled my eyes and softly said under my breath, “I lifted a building once like that years ago, nothing special.”

However Douchebag never caught on to that and just gave me a wide evil looking grin thinking that he had gotten me beat. However he didn’t just lift it off the ground like a hot air balloon, but rather he did some little tricks with the wooden stage as well.

He first spun it around like it was some battling tops from an anime, and then he proceeded to move it around over the heads of the crowd as the audience were astonished by this act of his, even though he could have easily crushed them all to death, but hey, who cares, look at the pretty colors like an autistic kid that makes a cringy YouTube channel name with ‘BEIBER FAN’S TEARS’ and somehow thinking he is hot shit for doing it with a really big ego that has been long been deflated. Yet he still thinks it’s there because he cries himself to sleep every night cause he can’t get the girl from OnlyFans to say his NAME despite maxing out all of his parents credit cards. Yet he somehow believes he’s doing great in life despite being in rock bottom and will never admit it even though he knows it deep down that it’s true but rather doing anything about it, he just sits there and sticks his thumb up his asshole pretending to believe that he’s the kid from Harry Potter and that he wasn’t beaten enough by his father as a kid… you know that kind of crowd when they look into the face of death.

Anyways after trying to show off his skills, Douchebag then safely put the wooden stage back down in its place from where he picked it up and did it all without breaking a sweat. Although he did probably break his eyes from staring at me for so long… those eyes were looking pretty dry to say the least. Also the crowd didn’t cheer, they were appeased though, but no cheer, but I don’t think Douchebag caught on and thought I would just lose as he got all the ‘ooooooos’ and ‘aahhhhhs.’

Anyways, the crowd’s attention went back to the both of us as Douchebag then pointed at me and said with a big, egotistical smile, “AH HA! THAT WAS ONE OF MY MANY OF MY MAGNIFICENT TRICKS! AND I HAVE MANY MORE FROM WHERE THAT CAME FROM! SO, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN STILL BEAT ME NOW!? DO YOU FEEL LIKE… GIVING UP!? THERE’S NO SHAME IN GIVING UP NOW, YOU CAN JUST WALK AWAY AND I WON’T TELL THE WHOLE OF EQUESTRIA HOW FOOLISH YOU MADE YOURSELF LOOK FOR TYING TO CHALLENGE ME IN THE BOOK I’M GOING TO WRITE CALLED I’M BETTER THAN YOU AND HERE’S WHY! It’s a working title, thinking I’m going to go with Magnificent! A Tell All from Harry Himself. Copyright pending of course.”

I then stared at him, unamused and said to him, “Yeah I’m not doing that… I can beat that…”

However Douchebag was unamused with my words as well as he then said with still his egotistical smile, “WELL I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!”

I then said to him, “Ok…”

And from there, I said to myself softly and under my breath, “Alright then Knight, you can do this. Just remember what the magic man in my head said, Clear my mind and open my eyes. Clear my mind and open my eyes. Clear my mind and open my eyes.”

And so I stood firmly on the ground, digging deep little bit into the Earth, and closed my eyes real tight so I could concentrate. I didn’t have a spell written to top what Douchebag did, or at least any that I could remember. Hey, I’m a lazy fuck sometimes, what can I say, but at least I admit it compared to Wolf. And half the time I just don’t really care.

But because I didn’t have anything written down, I had to concentrate real hard on what to do, because to put it simply; my magic worked different from Twilight or Celestia since they needed to see the spell and practice with it and blah blah blah, for me it was more or less trying to concentrate with my body and mind kind of like how it was for me back in the outside of the universe. I can still write it down, but it was more of a feeling than a logical thinking, it’s kind of hard to explain when you’re not a unicorn with magical horn. Surprising, I know. So I stood there, trying to concentrate real hard on what I was trying to do, which was pretty much winging it by that point, and after a brief few seconds of anticipated silence from everyone in crowd and a curious Douchebag, awaiting to see what I would pull off, my horn lit up and formed an aurora and… nothing happened. I opened up my eyes, a bit in distress, and looked around and nothing happened.

And Douchebag was loving it as well as he then laughed and proclaimed to me “HA HA HA! I TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULDN’T BEST ME! YOU JUST MADE A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF AND…

And soon Douchebag was cut off as something then did happen, it was just a delay, as everyone started to slowly and gently float up and levitate from the ground, including me, to which I had a small smile form on my face since it kind of felt nice. As for the crowd, including my ‘friends’, they were too “oooing” and “aaaahhhhing” at my feat.

We didn’t go that far of course, it was only like a few feet from off the ground, but it was everyone within like a twenty one feet radius actually. And not only was it the ponies, but objects including the wooden stage floated as well. However Douchebag was sour as he was floating and crossed his arms, as he knew this topped his spell that he had done.

And after a minute or two of being and feeling weightless and some of the ponies having a little fun with the magic trick, I used my horn, closed my eyes, and turned it off. It was like an anti-gravity spell that I had came up with one the fly…although I didn’t write it down so I couldn’t replicate it if I wanted to, I would have to come up with something else if I had wanted to so again. And as I turned back on the gravity, I made sure to have everyone return safely, including the Douchebag named Douchebag. And as the crowd remained happy and satisfied from their experience after landing, they all cheered and applauded for me, and my small smile was still there since I didn’t expect to that happen. Again, I was winging it, so lucky me.

But Douchebag was not happy however, as he had a pissed off look on his face as he then said to me, “OK THEN, SO YOU BEAT ME ONCE, BUT I ASSURE YOU THAT YOU WON’T BEAT ME IN THE NEXT ROUND! I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT! AND YOU WON’T BE ALLOWED TO WIN, YOU HEAR ME! EVEN IF I HAVE TO FORGE ALL THE VOTES AND… oh excuse me, I shouldn’t have said that. That was for something else in the next town over and uhhh… just forget that I even said it. Anyways… YOU WON’T BE ALLOWED TO WIN, AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT A PONY WITH TRUE TALENT HAS! AND THAT IS ME, ME ME ME ME, I I I I YOU HEAR ME!? ON TO THE NEXT ROUND!”

He was saying it with such anger in his voice, as if he was almost afraid of losing to me. He was acting up in a way like a group of people that go online and say, “Me me me me, I I I I” all the time in an online chat forum, and yet get shitted on every time, yet question why they get shitted on all the time, yet can ever come to the conclusion as to why they do, so they continue to act the way that they do thinking it’s going to change something.

But then they realize they caught the Big Gay and die in the end because the Big Gay is a deadly disease and we all need to wear cheaply made medical masks for the next fifty years and to never go outside cause you don’t want to catch the Big Gay. Be a good goy and put your mask on. It can protect you from everything including AIDS, mercury (the bad kind), big meanie words that might hurt your feweeings, and so much more, just like the school desks from the 1950’s that said it could protect the kids from nuclear bombs.

You can trust me, I’m a doctor and you must listen to your doctor, ok, I’m a doctor, I’m your doctor, I’m a medical hero. You gotta listen to me and praise me endlessly like the Golden Calf cause I’m a big boy being brave or some shit or you’re gonna catch the Big Gay and die. You don’t want to die do you? Dying is bad and we can’t let dying happen. No one is allowed to die. You don’t want your more than likely already dead (or wants to die already) grandma to die do you? (Although who gives a fuck about grandpa, am I right?)

So you gotta listen to me right now and do as you’re told. You’re letting the “Human Spirit” and “Muh Freedom” get in the way of doing what you’re told because if you don’t do these 6 things, you are three times more likely to die of the Big Gay. But don’t worry, a vaccine made by a guy who stole an OS and sold it to everyone else and possibly hates the entire continent of Africa and possibly all the blacks and possibly says the the big no no n-word ni🅱🅱er in his sleep every night is going to make the cure and it will be made by 6 other doctors that definitely know what they’re doing, and it will be tested out on only 6 people before being approved for everyone else to take, despite what the results turn out from those tests.

Even if you get a stroke, who cares, fuck you. Just remember that Africa gets the vaccines first for no sinister reason. You know those kind of people… what? Anyways, I didn’t say a word and Douchebag then went ahead with the next one.

Before he performed the trick, he said to everyone in the crowd, “ALRIGHT THEN EVERYPONY! IF MY FIRST TRICK DIDN’T AMAZE YOU ENOUGH TO APPLAUD FOR ME, THEN THIS ONE SURELY WILL AND BEAT THAT LAST TRICK OUT OF THE WATER!”

And so Douchebag fired up his horn and after a few seconds of waiting, nothing also happened. And everyone in the crowd was confused as we all just stood there; wondering if anything was going to happen. Douchebag however was keeping his head down while looking at me funny with an evil looking grin on his face as he too dug a little bit into the ground, holding his position.

This went on for a bit until some random fruity sounding stallion spoke up and asked, “Excuse me but uhhh… is anything supposed to be happening right now?”

Douchebag just simply said without taking his eyes off of me, “Look to the sky.”

And then everyone did including me as we all turned our heads upwards. And once we did, everyone, including me, had our mouths agape as what we saw before us was a giant glass dome that definitely wasn’t taken from a book or a movie, I swear. No seriously, I sear, Douchebag doesn’t know about The Simpsons Movie at all. It was just a lucky coincidence.

And with that being said, the big giant glass dome was big enough to cover the entire town of Stalia, which was kind of big to begin with, and it hovered over the town. And without a single word, Douchebag then made the giant glass dome land on the ground and seal Stalia under the dome. And with that, the entire crowd gave a big cheer and applause for Douchebag’s act.

And as he did, the glass dome then broke into millions of tiny little pieces, raining down upon the town and possibly killing a pony or two that day… somewhere as they screamed in pain and agony as their life was swiftly taken from them as the glass pierced their bodies and that we will never know who it was or what they were doing right before they died as the glass seeped into their eye sockets and shattered their skulls as they slowly, painfully, died a death for the ages….

………………

Anyways, Douchebag with his big ego was then taking a bow and have a smile as if he had done one of the most amazing acts ever.

After which, Douchebag then looked to me with that stink eye of his and asked me, “So then…you think you can beat that… Knight?”

I then said to him, a bit nervously because there was no way I could do that, not off the bat anyways, “Of course I can… I uhh… I can do something waaaaaaay better than that… he he?...”

I had a nervous smile on my face as my eyes were shifting from side to side at the audience, wondering if anyone could smell my doubt. However, there was only an awkward silence from everyone else as they were waiting on me.

So I took a gulp, was a little worried, but went back and did the same thing before from the first trick as I said to myself softly, “Clear your mind and open your eyes. Clear your mind and open your eyes. Clear your mind and open your eyes.”

And after what felt like a long time, I opened up my eyes after closing them to try and concentrate and relaxed my muscles a bit, to see what I had done. And what I had done was make a medium sized, spinning metal disc that hovered over the crowd.

And not the entire audience either, it was like about half way and it did absolutely nothing aside from spinning… like from a spinning tops anime. I had said to myself under my breath quietly, “Well… I lost that round”, with a disappointing look on my face.

And from there the audience gave a slight weep of approval as Jack then yelled at me from the crowd, “BOOOOO! DO SOMETHING BETTER YOU LOSER!”

I then annoyingly rolled my eyes at him after he had said that and just said to myself, “Thanks for the confidence booster asshole…”

And with that, I had lost that round, and what comes with that was a very big gloating from Douchebag as he pointed at me with his left hoof and said, “HA HA HA HA! YOU LOST! YOU LOST I TELL YOU! YOU LOST! I’M THE WINNER! I DID IT! I’M THE GREATEST AND I AM BETTER THAN YOU! HA HA HA HA! ACCEPT THAT YOU LOST YOU LOSER! HA HA HA HA! I WIN! I WIN! I WIN!”

I then told him, somewhat pissed off cause it was starting to get hard to bare his gloating like an asshole, “There’s still one round left. It’s tied one to one Douchebag!”

Douchebag then said to me, “HA HA HA HA, HA HA HA… oh right. Apologizes then… BUT IF YOU DON’T ACCEPT THAT YOU LOST, I’M GONNA… I’M GONNA DECLARE CIVIL WAR ON YOU AND UHHH… THREAT TO BOMB YOUR HOUSE… YEAH!...”

I just rolled my eyes at him after he had said that since that sounded very autistic of him to say.

I then said to him, “Whatever, can we just get on with it!?” Then Douchebag then said, as the medium sized metal spinning disc didn’t disappear, it just stood there hovering and spinning like a kid during a school shooting where the school shooter says to not move, “FINE, PREPARE TO BE AMAZED ALL OF YOU, AS THIS WILL SURELY GIVE ME MY WIN AGAINIST KNIGHT!”

He had said that while standing on his two back legs and while raising his forearms into the air with emotion and feeling. And so Douchebag closed his eyes tightly like I did and concentrated while firing up his magical horn. And from there, after a few seconds, he casted a spell that then made a box of what appeared to have been uncounted ballots as it was written on the side ‘Ballots Yet To Counted’ appear right in front of him.

And as soon as Douchebag realized this, he was a little annoyed as he said to himself, “Ah shit, not that, I meant to do the other thing!”

And then he made the box of uncounted ballots disappear and then in that place, made a fancy stallion dressed all up in a suit and tie with a really big tall hate, monocle, and cane appear instead. And this pony was confused as he was looking at his surroundings, and confused as to what just happened.

And soon as this happened, Douchebag raised his right forearms up and told everyone, “GAZE UPON MY ACHIEVEMENT FOR I HAVE JUST TELEPORTED THIS FINE GENTLECOLT HERE ALL THE WAY FROM MANEHATTEN!”

Everyone in the crowd was unamused as you could hear metaphorical crickets chirping in the background.

And so Douchebag looked a tad bit nervous so he came up with what sounded like a quick, but convincing lie, keyword being sounded like, “Uhhh… FROM FIVE MINUTES FROM THE FUTURE!”

After that statement, the crowd went nuts and cheered him on while Douchebag had a calming smile on his face as he felt like he did it.

And then the random stallion got up near Douchebag’s face and asked him kindly, “Excuse me, but where am I right now?”

Douchebag then said with an annoying look on his face, “Get the fuck out of here you scrub.”

And he had then teleported him back to Manehatten… assumingly from the near future. Was he from the near future… probably not, and yeah that’s considered cheating but did any of the drug filled audience give a damn? No, and honestly neither did I because you just get to the point where you just don’t care anymore… Anyways, that was Douchebag’s last try, and now on to my last try.

For me, I remained a little nervous once again since the audience seemed easy to please, yet hard to read. So I didn’t say anything to myself this time around and just concentrated, and after a few seconds went by, a big metal thingy appeared right in front of me with a bunch of flashing and shiny buttons and everyone was confused. I was confused too, and was extremely worried what was going to happen since I had no clue what happened. I was concentrating on trying to come up with something that would knock everyone’s socks off real hard, trying to think real hard about something… and somehow that came up.

So I looked at the audience, gave a little nervous laugh and said to them all, “Just part of the act.”

Douchebag on the other hand remained curious. So I went up to the metal thingy that had a bunch of buttons, it was about my height as a pony if I was standing on my back two legs, and that’s what I did. And I started pressing random buttons, hoping to god that something would happen. Thankfully something did happen as after I pressed something, the medium sized spinning metal disc then responded with some loud, deep bass noises that sounded like musical notes, almost like a song but it wasn’t a song, it was just high and low pitches that were very deep, as it lit up with bright, colorful lights.

And everyone looked up to that disc, including me with wide eyes, not sure what to make out of it. So I then went ahead and quickly started to press more random buttons, and the more that I pressed, the more in tune the noises sounded to be in.

And after about like I don’t know three minutes of doing nothing but pressing buttons and making it look like I was communicating with the disc in some capacity, even though I had no fucking clue if I was doing it to begin with, the disc gave its last loud noises that were deep and sounded like the brown note, took off, and the metal thingy with all the buttons had a tiny, self contained explosion.

And from there, I looked to the crowd nervously with a little sweat and said to them softly, “Ta daaaaaaaaa…”, as I held out my right hoof.

And then… there was no cheers for me and it sounded like I had lost. But then after that, the crowd cheered and applauded for me about the same as they did with douchebag, and I had a little smile on my face as it had sounded like I had won the competition.

This of course didn’t go over so easy with Douchebag as he came up to me, with a sour tone in his voice and an annoyed and angered frown and said to me, “How could this be!? HOW COULD WE BOTH BE TIED! IT WAS BEST TWO OUT OF THREE FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE!”

I then was a bit confused as I then asked; “Tied?”

Douchebag then annoyingly said to me, “Yes, we’re tied. Didn’t you hear the audience’s applause was roughly the same for the both of us?”

I then stood there for a bit and thought about it as I took my right hoof to my chin and then said, “Oh, I guess you’re right. I guess we are tied huh?”

Douchebag then said with both of his hooves out in frustration, “WELL THIS WON’T DO! We need a new challenge then, a tie breaker of sorts… let me think… hmmmmm…”

I just stood there waiting for an answer for him, waiting to see what he could come up with so we could get it all over with… until Neon walked by and said to the both of us, “How about fighting an User Major?”

My eyes then became wide as I had not expected Neon to even suggest that and knew that he was trying to fuck with me as I swiftly then turned towards Neon in distress and yelled to Neon, “NEON, SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

However it was too late as Douchebag got his “ah ha” moment as he said out loud, “That’s it! I’ve got it!”

He then proceeded to look at me with his stink eye again, still being close to me, “We shall have a tie breaker between you and I. And the tie breaker shall be whoever takes down an User Major first and brings some sort of evidence to prove that they did, wins! What do you say Knight? Sounds like a deal?”

And for me, I just stood there with wide worried eyes and said to myself, “Fuck me…”

LATER THAT DAY AT THE LIBARAY…

And that’s why you shouldn’t stick your dick into vodka after outing your ding a long into a woman’s crusty vagina or else you get the dick cheese. And if it burns, well that’s your fault, maybe you shouldn’t be banging every whore you see. The rule is you only bang the ones that have a tattoo because they think they are being bad ass that way and they are strong. I mean what?

Well, that’s how it ended between me and Douchebag for the fight. Nevertheless, of course, just like an angst, edgy teen’s depression it was far from over. In fact, it couldn’t be more than 9/11. In the end, Harry was only more or less pissed that this whole thing ended up being a tie. And I had to agree to it, although to clarify, there was no time limit. It was just whoever could do it first, so sooner the better.

Anyways, after that had happened, me and Wolf headed back to our home, I kicked down the door like last time, a little pissed and annoyed, as Wolf was telling me, “Come on Knight, how bad can it be?”

I then responded to him, “How bad can it be!? HOW BAD CAN IT BE!? IT’S A FUCKING USER MAJOR, I REMEMEBER IT FROM THE SHOW AND THERE IS NO WAY I WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE IT DOWN… Well… not without it being bloody. I mean I could kill it, but I would need TK’s help. I was never good at taking down something big like that without help. I’m more used to smaller thing like rats.”

Wolf then looked at me with squinting eyes with also a disgusted look on top and said to me, “You kill rats? You monster.”

I then said to him, “Oh don’t give me that fucking shit Wolf! And that’s beside the point! I have to figure out how to take down an User Major… and I am not entirely sure if I can figure it out with my magic. Sure, I’m sure my magic is strong enough for it, yet I’m not entirely sure how it all works still.”

Wolf then asked me, “But didn’t you go to Celestia’s school for a number of years though?”

I then told Wolf, “Wolf, most of the time I was either skipping class, sleeping, or jerking around. I literally paid the nerd to do some of my homework and just half assed the in class magic tests to where I could at the very least be passable in Celestia’s eyes. I didn’t pay attention to that shit… let alone remember half the shit that Celestia taught me. Seriously, she expects me to remember all those techniques, like no fucking way is that ever going to happen.”

Wolf then asked me, “Yet somehow you still got an A in Calculus?”

I then corrected Wolf calmly and said to him, “No Wolf, I got a C in that class. That was the one where I would skip every other day, and every other day that I would go to it, I would just sit back in the class room and then jerk around like a mother fucker.”

Wolf then said to me, “Oh yeah, I remember now, I was right there with ya.”

Then I said to Wolf, “No… no you weren’t. you were too busy doing god knows what like trying to get laid by one of the mares or lying around while I did all the work and then maybe occasionally you did you something every now and then…… You were nothing more than dead weight.”

Wolf then told me, “Yes, but I was dead weight that was your best buddy… and still am!”

He had said with a big smile as if I was supposed to smile along with him.

However I just stood there, with no smile with a slight disappointing look on my face as I just stood there and asked Wolf, “You’re proud of that aren’t you?”

Wolf had then said to me with a slightly bigger smile while moving his wooden paw to the side with emotion, “You’re damn right I am!”

And after he had said that, I couldn’t help but have a little smile on my face as I then said to him, “I guess you are.”

Wolf then said to me, “DAMN RIGHT! Now go get that User Major while I stay back and hold down the fort!”

I then said to Wolf with my small smile disappearing, “You mean you’re just going to stay back, smoke weed, eat all the food, and get drunk again while I could potentially die somewhere out in the Everfree Forest?”

Wolf then said to me with such enthusiasm, “And get molested by Princess Molestia of course!”

I didn’t say a word to him and just instead rolled my eyes sarcastically at him.

IN THE LIBARAY ROOM…

So after Wolf and I had that little conversation, we went ahead and went to the library room where Wolf went ahead and sat in the leather chair that was sitting in the room as he watched me go through all of the books. For me, I was going through all of the books, and when I mean by going through, I was just briefly glancing at the spines to see if there was anything on animals or User Majors.

Sadly, I didn’t find any as I was struggling along with my eyes to find anything that would be particularly relevant to my quest. But as I searched from the bottom book shelf to the top book shelf, I could not find one single book related to my issue that I was having.

I had came across some books related to How to Summon Satan by a Hambone, What’s the Deal with Air? A book of Stand Up Jokes by a CGI Bee, Laugh, Live and Love, a Story about my Life by someone who’s going to be a millionaire because you’re stupid enough to buy this book; seriously that was the author’s name. Then of course there was other books with the titles such as Birds and the Bess: A tale of war and Apples by Mac Farmer, self published, My Zigga, My Wigga: How to Cool with Zebras by ZibbyWibby, and A Book of AIDS: What they are and where to find them and catch them.

Then there was a bunch of untitled and blank books with no titles on the spines or no covers, just leather bound fancy books. So as I had a bit of a look of disappointment as well as a sign of a struggle on my face, I kept thinking in my head that there had to be a book about the subject of User Majors somewhere, but I just couldn’t find any. Granted the library was small and honestly I didn’t even know what was in the library, despite me being the one that was to be trusted with these books.

As I was struggling to find the book that I so much needed, Wolf asked me as he was lounging around in the chair that he was in, “So, did you find it yet?”

I then said to Wolf without looking at him with an annoyed look on my face, “No Wolf, not yet. I just can’t seem to find anything related to animals or the Everfree Forest at all.”

Wolf then suggested to me, “Well maybe Twilight might have something in her library.”

I then gave a little sigh and turned around to look at Wolf and told him, “No I am not going over there.”

Wolf then asked me, “Why not? You’re starting to agree with everypony here that Ponyville sucks or something?”

Wolf had looked a bit curious when had said that, almost like a tease.

However I then told Wolf, with a bit of frustration in my voice, “No Wolf, I ain’t going over there because I’m staying far away from there right now. If I go over there, I suspect the Universe will only make my situation worse. So I’m trying to avoid all contact with the Mane Six as possible when it comes to these repeats and try to make it as simple as possible. But of course nothing simple is it Wolf… especially with you and the other Wolf.”

Wolf then asked me, “Well what about the show? Didn’t they say anything about User Majors on the show that you watched back on earth?”

I then said to Wolf, “No because the writers didn’t feel the need to explore the mythos. Well they did, but not with Zebras. I think they have a thing against Zebras or something. Look it doesn’t matter, the show isn’t going to fucking help me and this is… starting to get on my damn nerves.”

Wolf then said to me, “Well someone sounds cranky, does someone need to take a nap?”

I then said to Wolf, “Fuck off. Now I’ve got to figure something out. But the problem is that not only do I not know how to take down an User Major, but where to find one in the Everfree… DAMN IT THIS IS SO HARD!”

I was clearly starting to lose it, but Wolf then calmly said to me, in a somewhat lazy fashion I might add, “So why not go ask Arrell, he’s an animal expert isn’t he?”

And within that moment, I got that ah ha moment as my eyes lit up and I said to Wolf, “Huh… I didn’t think of that. Thanks Wolf, I guess you aren’t such dead weight after all. You’re just dead weight that comes up with a decent idea every once in a blue moon.”

I had said that last part with my eye calming down.

And Wolf then just said to me as he was getting comfortable in his little spot, “And I’m happy about it. Now good luck and what not… get some eggs on your way back or something.”

I then said to Wolf, “We already have eggs.”

Wolf then said to me, “Then we need more lube. I need more for my long wood… so I can stick it up a hole… you get it Knight… you get what I’m saying? You get it…”

Wolf was saying that last bit to me by looking at me with a funny looking smile as he was expecting me to get it as I just sat there unamused by his antics.

And then I sort of cut off Wolf by saying to him, “Use Vaseline instead asshole.”

I was not in the mood to bare the way that he was acting, so I had said that as I was going on my way out to go see Arrell.

And as I was walking out the door, Wolf just said to me, with a bit of a smile on his face, “I GO A STEP FURTHER, I USE HOT GREASE! TRUST ME, DON’T KNOCK IT TILYOU TRY IT!”

LATER AT ARRELL’S PLACE…

So after I had left, I went straight to Arrell’s place that was near on the outskirts of Stalia and kind of near the Everfree. After the whole competition thing, everyone in town just kind of went back to their daily lives, as some were talking about and whispering, wondering when one of us would bring back evidence of one of us taking down an User Major. I could hear it as I was walking by everyone, trying to get to Arrell’s home. And the more that I thought about it, the more that I realized I didn’t even have anything in my satchel to save my life, not even against an User Major.

I mean I had a gun in there, a hand gun that was barely used… but it was always in there and I’m just amazed it never went off, and somehow still to this day it has never went off. I don’t even think the safety is on… weird.

Anyways, eventually after walking by places of business that were opened and were ran by the townsfolk of Stalia, trying to live out their dreams unlike in some countries where they burned down by monkeys and are forced to close by their government because they said so or else, you know… countries like Brazil. Those gangs of monkeys, I tell ya, they always try to burn small businesses down as they simp for the big corporations instead.

That’s why you never step foot in Brazil. Anyways, I made it to Arrell’s home that was on a sort of hill a little bit, bit of an incline I should say. And as I went up to his place, his home was like Fluttershy’s but in different ways, and there was a weird shed in the back or something. Anyways, I walked up to his place, knocked on the front door and thankfully he was there. Well he let me in; I talked with him as I was sitting in his living area as his crimes against nature creatures were minding their own business in the home as Arrell was listening to my issue.

And after I had said my piece to him, he then said, “Nope, I can’t help you.”

He had said with his eyes closed and a disapproving look on his face. I then asked Arrell, “Oh come on Arrell, you do all of this fucking weird shit here. How come you can’t just come and help me find an User Major?”

Arrell then said, with his disapproving look at me, almost like Fluttershy’s Stare but kind of a rip off, “Unlike the rest of you guys, I have standards.”

I then asked, with a bit of frustration, “Standards? WHAT STANFARDS, YOU FUCKING FORCE BREED ANIMALS AND MAKE WEIRD ABOMINATIONS… AND NO ONE QUESTIONS ABOUT THAT…”

Arrell then said, somewhat quickly, “Well I have different standards compared to most, but still, I have a code to abide by. Ever since my uhhh… troubles… in my past… I have promised to stick by a code of conduct and that I will not go out there blindly recklessly and mess with any creature of any kind’s life without a good reason. And I don’t feel like you have a good reason.”

I then said to Arrell “Oh no, I get it Arrell, you’re just trying to be Mr. Goody Goody so you don’t look bad.”

Arrell then said to me, with an annoyed and angered look on his face, “I am not!”

He then went to a sad / nervous look on his face, “I’m just trying to be good is all.”

I then said to Arrell, “Good my ass, you’re just as bad as the rest of us, with me being the least bad. At least I try to be the voice of reason.”

Arrell then looked a little disappointed by my comment as he then said, “Really? I thought I was the voice of reason within our group?”

I then said to Arrell, “Sure, maybe when I wasn’t here, but now that I’m here you’ve gone down the ranks boy. Now are you are going to help me or not?”

Arrell then shook his head a little bit and went back to his scowl a bit as he then said to me, “Sorry Knight, but the answer is still no. You’re on your own.”

I then said as I was getting off the couch and about to head out as I gave a slight sigh and a mellowed out look on my face, “Fine, I guess I’ll just go to Fluttershy. Guess I shouldn’t have expected much from a Scuffed Fluttershy to try and help me out.”

And with that comment, Arrell’s eyes lit up and then stopped me by standing in front of my exit as he then looked a little pissed off.

He then proceeded to say to me, “A Scuffed Fluttershy? A Scuffed Fluttershy!? SCUFFED FLUTTERSHY!? LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING KNIGHT, I AM NO WHERE NEAR THAT BOTTOM OF THE BARRELL YELLOW BITCH! I MAY HAVE STANDARDS, BUT I ALSO KNOW FOR A FACT THAT I AM NO SUCFFED FLUTTERSHY! I AM ABOVE HER AND AM BETTER THAN HER IN EVERY WAY!”

I slightly said under my breath, “Sounds familiar from another certain pony…”

However Arrell had heard that as he then said to me, “I HEARD THAT! AND I AM NOT LIKE THAT HARRY FUCK EITHER! I’m just trying to say that I AM THE ANIMAL PONY AROUND HERE, NOT HER! YOU HEAR ME! YOU COME TO ME WHEN YOU HAVE ANIMAL ISSUES, NOT THAT TWO TIMING YELLOW BITCH! AND I’LL PROVE IT TO YA! Come on Knight, we’re going to kill an User Major.”

He had said with such a pissed off tone, yet I wasn’t bothered by that as I had a smile on my face since it seemed like we were getting somewhere with this. And with that being said, we headed out to the Everfree Forest.

SOMEWHERE DEEP WITHIN THE EVEFRE FOREST…

So as we headed out, Celestia’ sun was going down. Yeah, it was that late in the day. What a day you know, went through a whole lot too. I smoked weed with Wolf, got to see a show, then had a Douchebag named Douchebag challenge me, did some training, did some metal training and met some hippy dippy looking mother fucker named Johnny, did some neat magic tricks, and then got yelled at by Arrell which was kind of intense to say the least. I mean he could really yell, almost as if it was his Fluttershy’s Stare.

Anyways, me, Arrell, and even his pet bunny Asshat tagged alone, went out into the woods. Although he didn’t bring anything with him other than some rope that was over his back. And he looked to have been still pissed off as I was following right behind him. Anyways, by the time we were deep within the forest, it was already dark outside and Luna’s Moon was about to be put up it had seemed. But even so, we kept going, yet none of us said a word to each other.

And possibly for the best since Arrell didn’t seem to be in the mood for joking around. Anyways, eventually Arrell took me to a big cave with a big mouth and eventually Arrell stopped within his tracks.

And as he stopped, I stopped as well as I then said to him, “So what are we doing here?”

Arrell then said, “First off, keep it down; we got to make sure it doesn’t know. Second, this is where User Majors typically live in.”

I then looked at the cave’s entrance and went “Oooooohhhh”

as my eyes sparkled a bit as I had just learned new information. The More you know… the more you die on the inside.

Anyways, I then asked, not too loud of course, “So, what are we going to do then?”

Arrell didn’t respond to me however. Instead he made a distinctive clicking sound with his mouth, in which case Asshat then proceeded to get off of Arrell’s back with the rope in its tiny paws somehow. And then from there, it went ahead and climbed one of the nearby trees and sort of high up to one of the branches. And from there, it set up one of the those rope traps where you step on it, the rope closes tightly on your legs and then you just kind of hanging there upside down or whatever.

Asshat did all of that, which is weird cause you’d think it was just there for show. But it appeared that Arrell had taught it some tricks. And as Asshat was doing that and my eyes were seeing what the bunny could do, Arrell was just standing there with a smirk. And after Asshat was finished, he fell down and landed perfectly on to Arrell’s back, unharmed and with no emotion.

Arrell then said as he was giving me a little side glance, “So, how’s that for a Scuffed Fluttershy for ya then… huh?”

I then looked back at the work that Asshat did and back to Arrell while noticing that the circle rope part was between me and Arrell.

I then said to him, “Well I’d say you’re still a scuffed Fluttershy, but uhh… less Scuffed then I thought you were.”

Arrell wasn’t happy with that statement as he gave me a bit of a sour look and responded to me with, “Well THIS SCUFFED FLUTTERSHY has made an easy trap for an User Major.”

I then said, “How is a small rope trap going to help kill an User Major?”

Arrell then said to me, with his scowl still at me, “It’s simple; one of the many prey of the User Major will come across here and get trapped by the rope. And from there it will make a distress scream like most animals, and that will prompt the User Major to come out of its cave and to check it out. And while it’s distracted, we’ll come up behind it while it’s not looking in our direction, and we’ll go from there. We just need to get some really big logs and some wooden spears.”

I then asked Arrell in all seriousness, “I don’t Arrell. I don’t believe you and that you’re just making this all up. That sounds like what a Scuffed Fluttershy would do.”

However Arrell then just said to me, “Oh I’ll show you what a Scuffed Fluttershy can do and…”

He was coming towards me, in a bit of a rage you could say, like he was coming for me, as he was saying that, but he was cut off by his own trap as his left back leg got roped up in the trap and was then sling upwards, along with Asshat who had seemed to be clinging on to Arrell’s back when it happened. And so Arrell and Asshat was hanging upside from the tree branch from the trap they had just made for the User Major. And as for me, I just simply looked up towards them as they were slightly swinging from side to side.

And after a few seconds of Arrell realizing that he had done goofed, Arrell pleaded with me, “Uhh… Knight… can you please cut me down… know what, forget that! That’s what Fluttershy would say! I’ll get myself down just… give a moment to figure it out!”

And then Arrell proceeded to struggle with freeing himself and put all of his energy into that. Meanwhile, I happened to look back into the big mouth of the cave and noticed that a mysterious glow was emitting from it.

And that grabbed my curiosity so I then, somewhat mindlessly, went towards that glow, as it sort of reminded me of the ball of light if you know what I mean, and headed towards the mouth of the cave, curious as to what it could be.

And as I had walked away and far from Arrell, Arrell said to himself somewhat quietly, “Knight? Knight? Are you still there? Aw shit…”

IN THE CAVE…

So I went ahead and went into the cave as I was allured by the mysterious glow of light. At first at the entrance to the cave, it was a faint glow with some faint sounds and fuzzing that could be heard from a distance. And as I entered the cave, the mouth of it was really big, pretty much indicating that an User Major could live in it.

Although it wasn’t like a mountain or anything, just a really big cave out in the middle of Everfree Forest is all. Anyways, I entered, completely ignoring Arrell, somewhat intentional, but somewhat not, and let my curiosity guide me. And the further I walked deep into the cave, the brighter the light became and the louder the fuzzing sound became. In fact, that fuzzing sound started to sound a little like static.

However where I was walking was still somewhat overwhelmingly dark and damp as you could hear one of the rocks that looks like an icicle but made out of rock have some water drip from its very tip and into a small puddle of water. Eventually I came to a slight right turn which I then took. And as soon as I took that right turn, there the source of the faint light was revealed to me as well as the fuzzing sound. It was an User Major watching TV.

How should I explain this? So when I turned the slight corner, I saw an User Major sitting in an upright position in a worn down green recliner chair, holding a can of Bear Beer. And right next to him was a small coffee side table that had a broken lamp, a picture of what appeared to have been his kid, and a pill bottle.

And in front of the User Major was a very dirty green rug and a TV that looked like it was from the 1970’s, struggling to make a clear picture on screen with a lot of fuzz and static emitting from it. Also to add, everything was obviously bigger than me, so it almost felt like working into a giant’s room of some sort. And the User Major that was sitting in the broken recliner was more or less depressed.

And when I saw that, I was lost for words and didn’t know what to make out of it. So I just got closer to the User Major, somewhat trying to be careful and being aware that it could still kill me in the end, but a part of me felt like this wasn’t the normal thing for an User Major to do. So as soon as I got close enough, as in about a few feet from the User Major, the thing took notice of me and looked towards me, yet was not disturbed or angry.

Well, he looked a tad bit angry, but rather annoyed really as soon as he saw me, he looked down towards me and said in a somewhat depressed and half drunken state, “I already told you Jihaboo Witnesses, I don’t want to hear about how some snake saw god and then told everycreature else about it and how everycreature was a fucking dumbass to believe it. I told you to not come back here!”

And then he took a sip of his bear beer, and yes it was a he, as it sounded very male and masculine along with a deep voice, something that you would hear in the Blues.

As for me, I just stood there, dumbfounded as to what I was seeing and had wide eyes, wondering what was going on.

However I needed to speak up before he got upset, so I then said to him in a quick nervous reaction, “Uh, I’m not part of a crack pot religion, I’m just a pony from near a little town called Stalia, you might have heard of it? And if not then I don’t blame ya.”

The User Major then calmed down and just went into a plain simple state of depression as he then said while trying to take a sip of his bear beer, “Oh, well then what the hell do you want from me then? Are you selling cookies or some shit? I could use some cookies… she loved cookies whenever I bought it for him...”

The User Major started to weep a little bit, yet no tears but it looked like he wanted to though.

However I just looked up towards him and said to him, “I thought you would have been taller.”

I had mentioned that to him as I thought User Majors judging from the show was much more bigger and taller, especially compared to an User Minor. But for some reason at the time, all that went through my head was that he was not as tall. In fact he was only tall enough to be a full grown adult compared to an User Minor, so in other words, the User Major from Friendship is Magic, but cut down by like half… or three quarters. It’s weird honestly how that even works.

But the User Major didn’t seem to mind my comment as he then just asked me, “What was that pony? I couldn’t hear you?”

Instead of repeating myself, I just went ahead and then asked the User Major, “Uhh, do you have a name?”

The User Major then said to me, still in a half drunken state, trying to get his buzz on, “My name is complicated cause you ponies wouldn’t get it. It’s Jupi, but it’s not like you ponies would ever understand.”

He then took another sip as I took another good luck at his pad. And from there, even I was starting to get depressed and more or less worried for Jupi. So I asked Jupi as he was staring at a static filed TV, although you could just barely make out a picture out on the screen and it looked like a sort of weird version of football being played on screen, but with bears.

And I just looked back towards Jupi and asked, curiously, “What is all this stuff?”

I mean I knew what it was, I was just wondering what the fuck it was doing in a place like Equestria, let alone in a cave where an User Major lives in.

But thankfully Jupi didn’t get upset and throw a fit as he then calmly explained to me, although depressingly, “This is some stuff that the president guy from Future City from miles from here sent me. Said I was part of some sort of poor animal welfare program and that I was given an opportunity to test out their latest products for the future that’ll be given to you ponies. I’m not sure what this stuff is, this fucking drink or this glowy box thing, but it’s entertaining. I see myself in it sometimes and I just wonder what I’ve become you know? I just wonder what life would be like if my WHORE OF A FUCKING WIFE DIDN’T FUCKING CHEAT ON ME WITH THAT STUPID SON OF A BITCH DIPPER AND TOOK THE KID!”

He had gotten mighty angry and even got up a little from his seat as his face was filled with rage. However he then quickly restrained himself as he slowly sat back into his recliner and tried to take a deep breath.

He then looked towards me with an apologetic face as he said to me, “Excuse me for that. I have anger issues and was issued by the Everfree Court to attend anger management. I was given pills to take that would help calm me down and help me sleep at night, you know?”

I then looked at him funny and said to him, “No… I don’t know what that’s like. What happened that put you in this position to begin with?”

Jupi then explained to me, “It’s my wife… or my ex-wife that is. Her name was Calli and we were happily married for seventy years. She was the love of my life and I was her as she was mine. We were happy and eventually had a son named Arcasa. But then one day I came home from work and found her sleeping with our neighbor Dipper. And then instead of talking it out, like the fucking whore she was, she said that we needed to split because she was much happier with dipper!”

The more he talked, the louder he got. Jupi continued to go on, “I tired explaining to how that we could talk this out, that we could go to therapy and try to fix our marriage, but nooooooo! SHE SAID SHE DIDN’T WANT TO AND WANTED TO BE RESONABLE, YET HERE I WAS, TRYING TO BE THE RESONABLE ONE AND TRY TO FIX OUR BROKEN MARRIAGE, AFTER BEING FUCKING TOGETHER FOR SO LONG! YET ALL SHE DID WAS GET A DIVORCE LAWYER, TOOK ME TO COURT, TOOK MY FUCKING HOUSE, AND MOST OF ALL, THAT BITCH TOOK MY FUCKING KID!”

Jupi was all flustered and filled with rage as his yelling turned into roars. He soon stood up, almost as if he was ready to throw down with someone, but after he had said that, he tried to calm down as his breathing became heavy. So he looked to the little side table, took the pill bottle, opened up his other paw, and try to pour some pills out.

However, nothing came out and was confused, so he tried to shake the pill bottle, but nothing came out. From there he looked inside the pill bottle to see what was left, and yet there was nothing and it was completely empty. From there, he let the empty pill bottle hit the floor without a care, and his eyes turned red with anger as you could some of the veins popping out a little bit. And then he walked a little bit towards my direction, ignoring me as I didn’t say a single word and was instead watching all of this unfold.

And from there he could see the town of Stalia from a far enough distance just slightly, and he looked towards the town with anger as he then said in a low tone, “She took the kid.” And then he said with more emotion, “She took the kid. She took the fucking ! SHE TOOK MY FUCKING KID!”

And then he ran off and quickly as he could out of the cave and towards Stalia to let his anger out and to somehow hopelessly get his kid back as he carelessly passed Arrell while he was +on his way out of the forest. And all I could do was stand there, wondering what was going to happen next.

I just stood there and said to myself, “Well… isn’t the first time I fucked things up.”

And then a bright flashing light suddenly appeared before me that was kind of blinding to me as I had to cover my eyes with my left forearm along with a weird siren.

BACK IN STALIA…

And so back to Stalia. Right before Jupi made his way to town, Luna’s moon was fully outside and raised, nice and bright with the stars twinkling and dancing around the moon… possibly for a sacrificial ritual involving killing a star kid to appease the chaos gods and Star Satan. Those damn stars, always plotting their satanic rituals and trying to ruin everyone else’s day, cause you know the government that is either royal or elected is not the one in control, right?

It’s the stars that are in control, and the stars are Satanists as they go ooga booga every night. Anyways, the night was calm, most of all the ponies were asleep in their beds, getting rested for the coming day, and who knows what might come, anything could come. Who knows, maybe one day you wake up to find that Civil War is happening right outside your home, or perhaps a zombie outbreak has started, or maybe Jesus comes down and tells you it’s the end times, you never truly know what you might hear and see the next day, it’s always a mystery.

But still, the town was getting rested for who knew what might have come at that time. And most importantly of all, Douchebag was sleeping as well. Since he wasn’t from around these here parts, he brought his movable house with him… a really big, but sturdy, cardboard box. Although on the outside it looked a little fucked up and torn as well as it looked like it was rained on. And as for where this big cardboard box was, it was just plopped right in the middle of Stalia, and no taxes were paid on it either since it moved.

But to also note, the cardboard box wasn’t only just big, it was big enough for him to fully stand in and have some head room. Douchebag even had a little bed made out of blankets and other thrown out goodies as well as some half eaten food that he may or may not have gotten out from the garbage. And to top it all off, instead of those flaps to where you would usually close the box, the flaps weren’t there, and instead the big gaping hole was covered with a half broken door that was also probably from the garbage.

It was all garbage including him. We call it Pony Garbage. Anyways, Douchebag was sleeping soundly in his little bed until a certain someone’s right hoof came knocking on Douchebag’s half broken door. And after the knock came, Douchebag, while being all groggy and shit, got up from his deep slumber and walked right on over to the door and just pushed the door to the side, annoyed of course since he was cranky from being awoken from his sleep.

And once he opened up, he saw who it was that disturbed him: It was Mac.

And Mac was standing there with a big grin on his face, although Douchebag was not amused at all whatsoever, to where he then asked Mac, “What the fuck do you want? Dog, Tail, I thought I told you two to make sure no one disturbs me!?”

Oh yeah and uhh…. Dog and Tail was there as well. They were a bit further away from Douchebag as Mac was the closet to him of course.

And for Dog and Tail, they both looked ashamed and sorry as Dog tried to explain to him, “We tried to stop him, but he kept pushing us and then threatened us that he’ll shove apples in our little butt holes until we’re forty if he didn’t see you. That and he threw an empty beer bottle at Tail’s head.”

Tail then made a little barking sound in response. So as Douchebag was confronted by Mac and was awoken, he had no other choice but to talk to Mac, despite the sudden urge to just say fuck it all and go back to bed.

So Douchebag then said to Mac after giving a low groaning sigh, “What do you want?”

Mac then continued to have a grin on his face as he held his left hoof far as close to his back as he could and away from Douchebag who was really not in the mood at that moment.

From there, Mac proclaimed, “Ha, you think you’ve got me beat huh!?”, as he pointed towards Douchebag with his right hoof for a second.

However Douchebag was annoyed by him so he then said to Mac, “What the fuck are you even talking about!?”

Mac then continued to say to him, “Remember, from earlier today you somehow knew how many hooves that I was holding up. But I know! I KNOW THE TRUTH! I was set up, it was a set up made by YOU AND APPLEJACK TO MAKE ME A FOOL! But the world will know, THE WORLD WILL KNOW THE TRUTH! THE WORLD WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN KAHOOTS WITH PURE AND UTTER EVIL AND THAT YOU AND APPLEJACK AND ALL HER OTHER EVERFREE FOREST SWAMP FILLED FRIEND SHADOW GROUP, although I’m still trying to prove that in court, case is still pending by the way , AND THAT YOU PLANNED TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID As A FRAUD AND TRY TO TAKE OVER EQUESTRIA!”

Douchebag was hearing all of this, but he was not amused and was starting to look pissed as Mac continued to go on his little rant.

So Douchebag sort of interrupted him and said to him, “Will you just get on with it already! Just tell me why you’re here or leave me alone!”

Mac then cleared his throat, continued to hold his left hoof to his back, and then said with a grin, “How many hooves am I holding up behind my back?”

Douchebag then made a groaning sound and then said in an annoyed tone, “I don’t know, one I guess?”

And then Mac said with a sudden surprise with his as he pulled his left hoof forward, “WRONG! IM HOLDING TWO HOOVES BEHIND MY BACK, TWO IN MY ASSHOLE, AND TWO IN A PARAELL UNIVERSE! I’M FIVE PARAELL UNIVERSES AHEAD OF YOU HARRY!”

As Mac pulled his left hoof forward, he revealed that he had a crudely drawn picture of a hoof on a piece of paper that he did himself and just taped it onto his left hoof. And as for the two in his asshole… well I’m sure that’s explanatory and that I don’t need to go into detail about that.

And as for Douchebag, he didn’t say a word, he just gave a look of disgust and the “This is retarded” look on his face. Mac continued to gloat to Douchebag, “HA HA HA! I BEAT YOU HARRY! YOU AND YOUR APPLEJACK’S LITTLE PLAN WON’T WORK NOW! AND I’LL DRAIN THE REST OF THE EVER FREE SWAMP TO EXPOSE YOU ALL! AND YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I WON!?”

Douchebag didn’t say a word; he just gave the same look as from before.

Mac continued to then explain and assumed it was a yes cause it was silence, “WELL I’LL TELL YA. YOU DIDN’T SAY THAT THE HOOF HAD TO BE A REAL ONE, JUST A HOOF! But then I wondered, maybe that’s what they’re counting on for me to do. SO I THOUGHT THREE AND A QUARTER STEPS AHEAD AND SHOVED TWO DOWN MY ASSHOLE WHILE TAKING A SHIT AND FORCED A SCIENTIST TO BUILD A MACHINE TO MEET A PARRELL UNIVERSE VERSION OF ME AND TOLD THE SCIENTIST TO TELL HIM TO HOLD UP TWO HOOVES WHILE I’M DOING THIS, AND DOING SOME KIND OF FANCY CALCULATIONS SOME HOW MAKES THIS SOME HOW POSSIBLE… I think… I don’t know, I didn’t see the scientist do it; I just threatened to kill his entire family, extended family, his family of goldfish, his friend’s family, and his friend’s cousins former roommate’s family and just left him to it. BUT I AM SURE HE ALREADY DID IT… or he and everypony that I just mentioned is so fucking dead they won’t be able to count to ten.”

Mac then had wide eyes as he put his head forward a bit as he said that last part. And then there was silence for a few seconds.

After that, Mac went back to his grin and then asked Douchebag all cool like, “So… you’re ready to talk and give me all of Applejack’s information?”

However Douchebag just kept the same face on and said in a groggy tone, “I’m going back to bed now. And when I wake up, you better not still be here.”

Not until however Jupi showed up, as that was when he finally appeared and started causing a ruckus throughout the entire town.

He came in roaring, stomping real loud, and trying to cause as much destruction as possible as he yelled out loud, “SHE TOOK MY KID! I WANT MY SON BACK! THAT FUCKING WHORE BITCH TOOK MY KID AND RAN! I WANT MY FUCKING SON BACK RIGHT NOW!”

And he repeated himself over and over as the red veins reign supreme throughout his eyes. And of course this awoke everyone that was asleep and made everyone running out screaming and yelling in panic as no one was sure what to do in this situation, cause it was a big bear that was really pissed off about his ex wife, who isn’t these days, am I right? Unless the sex with the ex happens, then it’s alright, but it does go into a weird relationship then.

Anyways, this happened and this prompted Douchebag to get out of his cardboard box and to see what was happening as all had wide eyes and was a little scared as to what was happening before them. All the while, everyone was running amuck and panicking in terror, thinking it was the end for them as Jupi was destroying buildings, stomping the ground real hard almost making it feel like a mini earthquake was occurring, and just overall making it a very shitty night for Stalia.

But as Douchebag was watching this unfold, Dog and Tail however were having a little smile on their faces as they looked up to Douchebag.

However Douchebag was too busy looking in terror as to what was happening so Dog then asked Douchebag, “So, what are you waiting for?”

Douchebag, with a very worried look, quickly snapped to Dog and Tails and asked them, “Waiting for what?”

Dog then said, “Well you said earlier that the tie breaker was to kill an User Major. Well here’s your chance to prove how magnificent you really are and to get the one up on Knight! So go ahead and show that bear what you’re made of!”

Douchebag was however scarred instead of brave and eager to show off his talents as he then said to Dog, “Are you fucking kidding me, that thing is going to kill us all!”

He was pointing towards Jupi when he had said that as well as having big eyes that were filled with fear.

Dog and Tail of course looked disappointed and Dog then asked Douchebag, “But I thought you said you could do anything and be the best at everything? I thought that’s why you chose the challenge to kill an User Major because you knew you could do it?”

Douchebag, a bit more calmed down, but rather having a bit of an embarrassing look on his face then said to Dog, “Well not really. I had thought that Knight wouldn’t be crazy enough to go out and find an User Major or that he would go out and get himself killed and that I would automatically would win by forfeit.”

And then Jupi kind of got near them as he stepped a bit too close to them, which then prompted Douchebag to say with wide, fearful eyes, “FUCK THIS SHIT, I’M OUT!”

And then Douchebag tried to run away and get far from Jupi, or at least as far as he could, but he didn’t get too far and just hid behind a nearby building until the whole thing could be sorted hope hopefully. As for Dog and Tails, they ran too, but not Mac.

Mac instead just saw Douchebag run away as he then said to him, yelling more or less as he was running away, “YOU CAN’T HIDE FOREVER! I’LL FIND THE SWAMP AND I’LL DRAIN IT AND JUSTICE WIL BE SERVED. THE WORLD WILL KNOW THE TURTH ABOUT APPLEJACK AND HER SHADOW GOVERNEMNT AND YOU WON’T STOP ME!”

Of course, Mac was too concerned to being in his own little world to even care about the bear. And so Jupi rampaged through the town, stomping and smashing, with everyone else thinking as to what they were going to do. And then hope finally came in the form of familiar police sirens from a distance. Bright flashing lights appeared from what seemed like out of nowhere as it strobed against the entire town.

And of course this made Jupi stop in his tracks as somewhat big, but not too big, ghostly entities showed up, who also had claws for hands and a ghostly like tail at end of their bodies, showed up. There was two of them that was near Jupi when this happened and they both had police badges and caps on that read “EFPD” as they both talked in a sort of half Irish, half stereotypical cop sound.

One of the ghostly figures held up a taser to Jupi, and for reference they were like half the size of Jupi, and said to him, “THIS IS THE EVEFREE POLICE! PUT YOUR HANDS UP, YOU’RE SURROUNDED!”

Meanwhile I was back in Stalia, walking alongside another ghostly entity cop that was floating right beside me as we were walking and talking. And keep in mind, Neon, Jack, and Forrest was there in the middle town of course as they too heard all of the ruckus, and we all sort of just headed up where Mac was in a sense. I know it’s weird and sudden but that’s how it all went down.

Anyways, I was talking to the ghost cop, “So there’s a whole police force for the Everfree Forest?”

I had said this while walking and talking with the ghost cop as I was sort of looking up at him while doing so.

The ghost cop responded to me with, “Well it’s not the entire forest. You see on your side of the Everfree, we live in a civilized society. Ponyville’s half, we just call that the other side of the tracks, only filled with a bunch of animals on that side. But yup, we try to keep the peace, even on your guy’s side if we have to, but only if it’s within our jurisdiction, which it is this time I’m afraid.”

I then responded to him with, “Huh, never thought of that.”

And then I saw the other guys who were surprised to see these ghostly figures to begin with as they just stared at the both of us as I then said to him, “Oh hi guys, what’s up?”

To briefly explain what happened back at the caves, as soon as Jupi left, the Everfree Cops showed up. But thankfully I explained to them what happened and I led them back to town. And now here we are.

So back to what was happening with Jupi, Jupi of course was not having any of it as he then yelled back at the two ghost cops, “FUCK YOU, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I PAID MY FUCKING WHORE OF A WIFE THAT TOOK MY KID EVERYTHING THAT I OWED HER!”

The one ghost cop that was holding up the taser then said to him, “That ain’t it chief.”

He then proceeded to pull out a piece of paper and looked at it with one of his claw hands.

He then said, “It reads here that you haven’t been reporting to your probation officer since last week. So we have a warrant for your arrest.”

Jupi then said to them, “FUCK YOU PIGS, YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!”

And then Jupi tried to run away, but then the ghost cop with the taser pulled the trigger and hit him real hard as Jupi just spazed out for a bit and then hit the ground hard, only just barely missing a building filled with other ponies living in it. He also had his tongue sticking out afterwards.

And so after that was all said and done, the ghost cop that I was talking to then said to me, “Well it looks like our job here is done. Sorry to mess with your folk’s night.”

And Neon then walked up near him and started poking at his ghostly body, the bottom portion of course. And all the ghost cop did was give him the stink eye as Neon said, “Squishy just like the dead people that I put in the creek the other day.”

And after that, you’d think it would be done, but it wasn’t as Douchebag happened to be nearby and he appeared to be very nervous when the ghost cops arrived.

So douchebag took a big gulp, put on a big nervous smile and said to all of us, “Well would you look at the time, it seems like I have already spent a lot of time in Stalia. I’ve got other shows to perform at so I guess I’ll just be on my way. I guess you’re the winner here Knight, you’re magnificent and I am not, well, got to go!”

He quickly waved his right hoof on in the air as he had said that last bit and was about to run off, but right before he even could get a feet in, the ghost cop with the taser then stopped him while holding up another piece of paper and going towards him, “Not so fast there buddy. We’ve been looking for ya.”

Douchebag’s nervous smile quickly turned into a scared and worried look as he started to sweat a bit as he was looking at the ghost cop.

The ghost cop with the taser continued to say to him, “It says here you are wanted for charges of fraud. Witnesses say you were conning them back in the Everfree, clamming you were magnificent. But the testimony that they all gave us said that it was all a hoax and that the spells you cast were only of illusions, so you’re being brought up on charges of false advertisement. We also pulled your records and your name isn’t Harry, It says here it’s Big Douchebag.”

The other ghost cop then got near Douchebag to be ready to cuff him, but before he did, Douchebag then said, “Well, that was just my birth name. I was going to change it in the Everfree Court later...”

He had a little nervous smile on his face, but that soon changed as it changed back into a sort of pissed off but also scared look as the ghost cop with the taser then said to him, “It also says here that you’re being also charged with voter fraud, an Everfree Federal Offense. Apparently you tampered with the recent Everfree election and that you tampered with the ballots, fudging the numbers for one candidate over the other”

Douchebag was quickly to explain to them, “YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT IN COURT! T- THERE WAS NO EVIDENCE OF FRAUD!”

Then the ghost cop with the taser then said to Douchebag, “Eyup, that’s what all the crazies say. Book em’ Dan.”

Dan the ghost cop then put some iron made cuffs on Douchebag’s front hooves so he couldn’t run away so easily. And he looked entirely pissed, especially towards me.

As the cop with the taser was picking up Jupi and the ghost cop that was pushing Douchebag to move it along towards the Everfree Forest, he was giving me the stink eye for sure this time as he was mighty pissed at me.

He said as he was being hulled off to Everfree Prison, “YOU DID THIS DIDN’T YOU KNIGHT!? YOU LEAD THE COPS RIGHT HERE TO ARREST ME! YOU DID THIS AND YOU KNEW IT TOO DIDN’T YOU KNIGHT!? I SWEAR I’LL GET OUT OF PRISON KNIGHT! AND ONCE I DO, I’LL BE COMING FOR YOU! I WON’T FORGET THIS!”

Dan the ghost cop just said to Douchebag as he was pushing him along, “Yeah yeah, save it for the judge their buddy. Where you’re going, you’re not going to be out for a long time. You’ll have a lot of thinking to do. But don’t worry; maybe your little bear friend over there is going to be your new roommate.”

And then as the two ghost cops were hulling off the two crooks over to the Everfree to be put in front f the judge to stand trial, the other ghost cop that I was talking to said to me as he tipped his police cap, “Well sorry to bother you fine folks. We would have gotten here a lot sooner but we were stopped cause we saw a zebra.”

Forrest then asked him kindly with a little smile, “Oh, so a zebra lost their way into the forest so you had to try and show them the way out? How kind of you guys!”

The ghost cop then said, “What? Of course not, we just beat it to a bloody pulp like we always do. Well good night!”

Forrest’s smile quickly disappeared. The ghost cop had said that with a big smile and left to go back into the woods.

And so that was pretty much the end of everything, although the entire town of Stalia was still left with the destruction. And before I could call it a night, Wolf happened to come out and asked with a little dirty smile on his face, “Woah, what happened here, did Forest get laid or something?”

Jack then spoke up and said, “Nope, Forrest will always be a virgin and will always be beaten for that.”

Forrest then asked Jack, “Really?”

Jack then said to him, “Well that and more.”

And then Forrest made a little whimpering sound to go along with it as well. However I just stood there and said to Wolf, “What Jack meant to say was that it turned out Douchebag’s real name was douchebag, meddled in some election in the Everfree that you may or may not have known about. And the User Major just turned out to be some lonely bastard who lost his kid and tried to kill everyone as a way of coping cause he didn’t get his medication or some shit, I don’t know.”

Wolf then had a little smile on and he then said, “Wow, so I guess that makes you’re the magnificent one.”

I then said to Wolf in a cynical way, “I don’t want that title… ever…”

Wolf then said to him, “Well then, you’re going to take a letter to Celestia or what?”

I wasn’t planning on to, but I decided after everything, fuck it, why not? So I then said to Wolf in a painful voice, “Sure….”

Wolf then said to me, “Hold on, give me a sec…”

Wolf turned his head upward as usual and then gagged a bit and then up chucked some writing paper and a quill. I then grabbed both with my magic and started to write my letter to Celestia.

Dear Celestia,

Today I learned that you shouldn’t be a douchebag. A giant, big douchebag at that or else you’ll end up being some bastard that gloats at everyone at being better than them as well as being right. However self righteousness does not equate to good character, let alone a good friendship. All it leads to is an inflated ego that ends up getting you into trouble with the Everfree Police for being a fraud as well as somehow committing fraud in an election as well. I’m not sure how the election fraud fits into here, all I know is that I found out about an election in the Everfree Free and that it was tampered with by no other than a pony named Harry, who turned out to be a Douchebag. And that is why you shouldn’t be a Douchebag as you’ll just end up having the name Douchebag and potentially being raped in prison by a giant bear. Oh and uhh, don’t be a douchebag because no friends want a Douchebag in their group.

Sincerely,

Knight

P.S. Send me more bits because Wolf keeps fucking wasting it all. I’ll promise to never pay you back.

And that was the letter that I wrote. I then silently gave it to Wolf, he took it, breathed the little green fire and sent it to Celestia, and yes, that’s all the fire does, send shit to her. And after a few seconds of silence between the two of us as the crickets were chirping in the background and the other guys were just staring at the two of us.

Wolf then asked me, “So you think the Universe will have Celestia see that or…”

I then said to him, “The Universe is going to let Celestia see what it wants Celestia to see. Doesn’t hurt to try though, even though you know you die on the inside because of it. Sometimes it’s just better to embrace the struggle instead of resisting it Wolf, you’ll go out better that way when the day that sweet, sweet death comes for you.”

And then we stood there in silence for a few more seconds. And then out of nowhere those three ponies from the 80’s came from out of nowhere, with the other guys not really reacting much to it, although Forrest did have wide eyes so it wasn’t just me who saw them. Anyways, the three ponies that looked like they were from the 80’s showed up. They all surrounded me.

The one that looked less hot and was near me from before said to me, “I knew you could do it Knight.”

Then the stallion one said to me, “Yeah way to go bud!”

And then the hot looking one that was near Douchebag from earlier then said to me as she was trying to come on to me, “I don’t care about HIM anymore. I want to date you instead.”

I was not amused and instead had a very cynical look on my face as I just said to all of the guys, “I’m going to fucking bed now.”

And with that being said, I walked off, and there was only a few seconds. But not before Mac was doing something in the background when I wasn’t looking as he had made another hoof to tape to the other one that he had on his left hoof.

He then yelled out in eagerness as he raised his left arm as the others looked over, with a weirded out look on their face, “Look at me now guys, I’m holding up three hooves now and five hooves in my asshole! Woo Hoo!”

And that was the end of that little bit Yup, that was it, and I fucking knew it would. Wolf and I even betted on it, which means I fucking win, and he would owe me 20 bits.

Seriously, earlier while we were high, we betted on how the day would end, and I was right. I mean I wish I wasn’t sometimes, but I was right… although he never gave me those 20 bits… but he would though if he could be trusted with money. Well, that was it, until next time… The End…

………………

Oh and before I forget, I should mention what happened with Arrell. You see while this was all going on back in town, Arrell was still stuck up in the tree, hanging upside down. And he was starting to lose it after being upside down for a bit.

It was in the middle of the night and Arrell was just swaying a bit side to side like, and he said he as he was trying to stay up and not die to being upside down for so long, “Uhhh… Knight!? Neon!? Forrest!? Jack!? Mac? Anypony there? Anypony out there! Ohhh… I’m starting to feel a little woozie. Quick… Asshat, try to let go and find some help for me… please…”

And Asshat, who was still clinging on and was hanging upside down with Arrell this entire time, fell off and hit the ground flat on his face like a dead weight. Granted he was still alive and breathing, but was just knocked out unconscious.

And so that made Arrell say, “Fuck.”

And that was that. I mean eventually he got down of course, but who cares.