Chapter 9: the Birthday Problem.

(note: I really do apologize for this chapter.)

Ok now, this chapter or part of the story, will be non- cannon. Ok, so if you neither remember when Twilight finally fucking figured out that they never celebrated a birthday for me, nor did they ever had an age on me? Well, Twilight took this to princess Celestia.

I was just surprised that didn’t notice they never had a file on me at all while they were on the subject, because it was related to it.

Let me explain.

When I mean a file on me, I mean by a file on which I am and all that other shit. It also shows whom I’m related to and all that good shit, but since they never had a file on me, I didn’t have to worry about pretty much everything.

In addition, to let you know, I will come back to talk about the file thing, because there is something shocking about that file. Let just say, you will wonder whom the fuck I am after you hear it, however, that won’t be till the future. If you want to know, you just have to be patient.

Now, back to the story. As I was saying, Twilight took this up to Celestia, and she too had a little worried look on her face.
She then sent me a letter, asking about my birthday, age, and shit. The thing is, she felt bad for me, not having a single birthday, nor knowing my age.

The thing is, I don’t give a flaming fuck about my age. I mean, I sometimes lose track of my age.

Now, I was about over fifty five-thousand years old. Now, I know at the beginning of the story, I was over fifty thousand years, but trust me. I spend a lot of time outside of the universe then you think.

Well, after I told how I don’t give a fuck, the following day, I was ordered to go to Cantorlot to see Celestia and Twilight.

They were going to verify my age, although I don’t know how it was going to work, because I was basically over fifty five-thousand years old at this point, but my appearance looked about 21 years of age.

When I entered the castle, I was then gestured to take a seat on a pillow. Well, after I took a seat, Celestia ordered the doctors to come in and look at me.

Well, I was afraid of that. You want to know why? It’s because those off the grid powers. That syringe that I put in my blood vessels. That off the frid powers was in my blood stream.

However, fortunately enough, since pony anatomy, or at least in this universe, they don’t need to take a sample of my blood, because that’s not how checkups work in this universe. They took an x-ray picture of my bones and shit. When they were finished, they told me and Celestia I was 21 years old.

Good.

They even told me that my bones were about the right age for 22, and was surprisingly about to turn on the fourth anniversary mark when Celestia first found me out in the Everfree.

Well, Celestia then told me I could leave. I then had a feeling inside me that they felt bad for me not having a birthday at all, and they were going to throw me a surprise birthday party for me. I was even sure that Pinkie Pie was going to be making it happen. All I hoped was not to have trans-dimensional monsters and beings, due to pinkie pie breaking every law of physics, which means she could also go to other dimensions, and still not wonder where the fuck she is. Well, I was mostly right.

The party was at Cantorlot, and it wasn’t thrown by Pinkie. Although, it made me a little disappointed, because I do have to admit, that Pinkie Pie parties are pretty fun, along as no laws of physics are broken that would kill any normal, sane pony won’t happen, I love Pinkie Pie parties.

Now, before the party, I was smoking weed, while Wolf was getting drunk off his ass, or his wooden ass, which ever you prefer.

Well, my friend, Classy Jack and Forest Fire came to me to bring me to Cantorlot.

Heres what happened.

Celestia, planned this, along with Twilight of course, and sent letters to my friends, but surprisingly they were smart, because they noticed I never mentioned my age.

Heres what I mean. I explained the story, of how I met Celestia and Twilight, and explained all the things they ever did for me, although, I don’t know why I mentioned that, but moving on. The guys even asked me about my age and I had no answer for it. Therefore, it was quite fucking obvious for them that I didn’t even have a fucking birthday.

Well, I then went to Cantorlot, and It was in that ballroom, like in episode 9 season 2 where Twilight had her birthday at. They just jumped out from the darkness, or turned the lights on, and said surprise, and we had a birthday party.

Now I do know there isn’t much to talk about here, and there isn’t even a point to write this part of my life, but you’ll see why I had to write this down.

Heres the thing.

I was opening gifts.

Rainbow gave me a dumbbell, while applejack and Mac gave me some apples. (those fuckers.) In addition, of course, Twilight gave me a fucking book, but I gave it to her, because it seemed like she wanted the book as well.

Now the big thing here is Pinkie had a present for me, and it was in a separate room. Well, I went into the room, and there were monsters and other beings from other universes and Trans- dimensions.

Fuck.

In addition, I then asked Pinkie where she got them, and she said that she saw me go through the portals, or off the grid portals. Apparently, she saw, me, and went into other universes.

Now, the question is, how did she get through the other universes, because I don’t recognize any of the creatures.
Besides, if you remember one of the universal rules, that you have to open a patrol to a universe, with 117.

By the way, I also, which I know this has nothing to do with anything, but might as well, because, it is somewhat important.

Ok, so, if you recall one of the universal rules. That if you go to a universes, where the dominate species are different then what you are already, you’ll somewhat change into that species. Two things you might want to note, especially when we go into the future of the story.

One, there is an expectation to that rule, because sometimes, you will change into a different form of a creature, or stay the same. It just somehow happens at complete random.

Second, you know I’m a human, right? If you recall, that I was human before I entered the official MLP universe, and then came on the other side as a pony, right? Well, heres the thing. After I went through the portal, just one time, the next time I went through it, which was after TK found me. That when I ever wanted to go off the grid, I didn’t turn back to a human! I was still in my pony form, no matter what. I was only human when I ever went to an Earth universe. But everywhere else (that was a new universe I entered or just simply being off the grid.), I was in pony form.

Now, you might question that, and might try to figure out behind this mystery. Well, I already know the answer to why I was still in pony form, however, that would be spoiling it. Saying, you guys just have to guess until whenever I tell you why and how. Trust me, this makes it more fun for you, because it’ll make you think of what it could be and you might just have fun with it altogether.

Anyway, I was then shocked to find out that Pinkie knew about off the grid. I mean, she could know about it, it’s just that she and the others weren’t ready to be told. Although, I’m pretty sure it’s obvious how pinkie went through the other universes without using 117.

Pinkie Pie physics.

Well, I then told wolf to get over here, and he did. I then told him how Pinkie knows and the only thing we could do was call in TK and Factory Dash. With Doctor Whooves, well, he was busy doing The Doctor shit.

Therefore, however, I couldn’t contact TK or Factory Dash, because they weren’t picking up the call. By the way, when I mean the call, I mean by a device that I made myself, where it’s on my left foreleg and its basically a data/communication/etc. machine.

Anyways, I had to go back to the portal, and because I had to leave, that means Pinkie could leave anytime, possibly open up a portal to off the grid, or let the monsters outside, or simply spill the beans to everyone. I told Wolf to keep an eye on things while I was going. I then teleported to the portal, and to just let you know. I teleported by using my magic.

My magic has gotten quiet good during that time period.

I then went off the grid, and went to TK. I went into his universe, or Hell to be exact. He had his demon guards and people being tortured, but since I knew TK, I was simply not a bother at all, and was also greeted as a friend by the demons.

Trust me, it does sound weird, but it’s the truth since TK is the new Devil of this universe.

I found him in his lair, where he was a conference room, talking with God as in the christen God. Yea, heres the thing. TK had a good relationship with that god, but only because he was using the devil powers fairly and respectively, that he and god of that universe are on good terms.

Therefore, I came in, and I told TK what happened. He told god of that universe he had to postpone the meeting until he got back.

TK and I then headed off to get Factory Dash.

I went through the portal, and just like the demons, the guards here also greeted us like regulars. We had a hard time finding Factory Dash, because she was at work.

Of course, while we were trying to find her, we saw all the useless pegasi and other ponies that were being killed and turned into rainbows. Yea, were saw plenty of gore and blood and heard plenty of screams.

The way I do it was not to just stand there and just look horrified of what I was seeing, but just ignore it. That, and I was used to it.

Anyway, we eventually found her, killing a pony.

We told her to come, and she came when she finished killing the pony. We then all headed back to the official MLP universe, and what do you know when we get back?

We found Pinkie Pie released the monsters upon my friends and opened a portal to off the grid, and everybody went through it.

I fucking knew it. In addition, Wolf was knocked unconscious. I told TK and Factory Dash to take care of it, while I tried to bring wolf back to conscious.

When I did, he just stayed there until I finished the job. When I went through, hell’s gates were released upon every pony there.

That, and Pinkie and Neon were smiling away, while breaking laws of physics.

God, I will never fucking understand them.

Well, I then told TK and Factory dash what I had planned after we fought off these creatures. After I did that, we then fought off the creatures, or in other words, kill them. Of course, the others guys were surprised about this, and when we got them back to their universe, they had shocked faces.

I then told wolf how much how I still don’t understand pinkie got to open up a universal hold to get off the grid.

Then Celestia asked how I knew about the place. To which I then said, “sure, let me just… now!!!”

TK, Factory Dash, wolf, and I all put on gas masks, well except for TK, since he was a Devil, and still has the knight suit on of course.

Anyway, we put on the gas masks, and released a sleeping gas; thet would knock out someone, and make them forget the last 24 hours.

Everypony just collapsed to the floor. I then went and grabbed a machine, and connected to the bodies. I put a fake memory in their minds, so when they wake up, they have something to remember.

I then told TK to clean up the damage, Wolf to pick up the dead bodies, and Factory Dash to go around and make sure there were no witnesses. If there were, I told her she could keep them, and use them for her rainbows.

What?

I really don’t give a fuck about the snobby which people. Besides, this universe has enough snobby people with the snobby French. They did that, while I try to make it look like they had the fake memory I gave them.

I also have to comment, that day, was completely random. I mean, it reminds me of that power thirst 3 video I saw on YouTube.

It was completely random. Speaking of videos, I wonder how I still remember those effil65 songs, or for any videos for that matter.

Well, I don’t know why I just wrote that in here, but whatever. When I got back home, I just got drunk off my ass and smoked weed before falling asleep.

heres the videos what i was talking about. i don't if it'll help, but here it is anyway.

as i said before, i do aplogize for this chapter. however, if you didn't see this chapter as bad as i saw it, then thats your opinion, not mine, and i still feel bad for this chapter.

NOTE: After looking back on this 5 and a half years later...I just want to go back in time and punch myself my past self because this was retarded...what was I thinking?...