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Celestia's Unread (And Hopefully Forgotten) Letters.

by DearPrincessCelestia

Chapter 5: The Mathematical Equation of Friendship

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html>Celestia's Unread (And Hopefully Forgotten) Letters.

Celestia's Unread (And Hopefully Forgotten) Letters.

by DearPrincessCelestia

First published

Here are some of Celestia's letters that Spike has never burped out. After Spike's death due to a fatal magic trick, doctors found a gazillion letters from Celestia that were stuck in his kidneys! Will you be the first to read these unread

Dear Reader,
Ah, well Spike... He's always had an issue that Twilight may have never realized... Accidentally digesting some of the letters instead of burping em' out. Well, it was probably for the better. After that foolish Twilight mixed up a few words in her silly little magic trick... well... then there was a dead baby dragon. SOOO yeah, errr, since Spike signed some kind of thingy about being an organ donor, he was taken to the Ponyville laboratory. A few minutes after Dr. Saddleman and Professor Manesmith began the operation, they found a gazillion letters in Spike's kidneys! I don't even know how, but the letters managed to stay in mint condition. Go ahead, I guess I'll let you read my kinda embarrassing letters. No big deal... JUST DO IT BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND!!!

PS: Luna just asked me if mint condition letters taste like mints. She has a lot to learn.

Yours truly-ish,
Princess Celestia

I'm Too Lazy to Raise the Sun Today... Can't I Just Wait Until Tomorrow?!

My dearest, most faithful student Twilight,

Gaaaah, I'm tired. I don't think I'll raise the sun today. Here is a quick lesson why doing no work is important. Read carefully. I may use this in a test I assign you. Force equals mass times acceleration. If my acceleration is zero, and my mass is... I don't know. Thinking about it makes me feel fat. ANYWAYS, the force will equal zero. Work is equal to force times distance. If the force is zero, and the distance I've traveled is also zero (I'm still lying down in my bed, and won't be getting up anytime soon!), then the amount of work I have to do is ZERO! I know that you'll catch onto this lesson pretty quickly. However, the normal pony would not understand this intricate level of intelligence. So yeah, goodnight!

Yours truly,
Princess Celestia

How Does Everypony Know All the Lyrics to Whatever Songs I've Never Even Heard Before?

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

There's something I don't seem to understand. Maybe it's just because I'm old, and you're all so young, but... Why is it that whenever I hear some pony singing a song I've never heard before, all of the other ponies around start to join? Where have they heard the song before, and how do they have all of those lyrics memorized?! Seriously. I remember I was in Canterlot, greeting ponies before the Grand Galloping Gala. Then all of a sudden, just about everypony around me bursted into song, singing "AT THE GALAAAA, AT THE GALAAAA!!!" I didn't know what the heck was going on. I thought that maybe it was some surprise performance. BUT NO. THERE'S MORE. I remember back when it was winter. I was observing the slow but significant work being done to prepare for spring. However, at one point all of the ponies were singing something along the lines of "WINTER WRAP-UP, WINTER WRAP-UUUUUP! LET'S FINISH OUR HOLIDAY CHEER!" They sang the same notes, the same lyrics, the same rhythms... I don't get it! There is definitely something suspicious going on here. Twilight, your next assignment is to create a data base of every song that anypony in Ponyville knows. Gather all of the lyrics and give them to me. If these lyrics are kept secret from me, this will put my throne and the rest of Equestria at risk... If I look like a fool for not knowing the lyrics, disaster will strike before we know it.

I'm counting on you,
Princess Celestia

Omg, MMORPGs Are So Freaking Addicting

My fellow knight, Twilight Sparkle,

Here. take thy weapons. You have a long sword, a flail, and a long bow with 20 arrows sharpened to perfection. Ah, MMORPGs are... OMG IT'S A HUGE FUCKING DRAGON! DIE! DIE! DIE! . . . . so addicting. Seriously. I remember when Luna first showed me the computer. I was all "What? Hell no! Technology is too advanced for me!"... And then when she tried to introduce me to email: "Nononono."... and then she showed me MMORPGs... my mind raced with the adrenaline of nerdiness. I began to... OH SHIT, THERE'S A HUGE-ASS ORC CHASING ME!..... Phew. That was a close one! You know, it's true that friendship is magic. The friends that I made online always find a way to let me charge up my magic attacks during the boss fights. Not only that, but if I weren't friends with my computer, none of this would have ever been possible. Oh, I love you computer!
PS: The female characters are freaking HOT!

Yeah, yeah, I'll talk to ya later cause I'm busy kicking ass right now,
Princess C.

Luna Told Me That I Should Become A Hipster

Hey Twi-dawg,

Sup?! Ya, Princy Luna toldz me I should, like, totally become more hip, dude. Like, seriouslyyyy, I need to get back in da loop! I remember in my lil' filly yearz mai elders would be all like "YOU STUPID PONYTEEN, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT BEING ONE OF EM' REBELS." So I never did. *sigh* BUT SCREW DAT SHIZNIT! Imma free spirit! I flow with da wind! Hey, dees huge nerdy glasses actually look kinda good on me!

Chow gurl!
C-dawg

The Mathematical Equation of Friendship

My dear Twilight Sparkle,

Yeah, I think I got that whole hipster thing wrong. I think I better stop. Luna said I'd make for a good gangsta... but I don't know about that. So how's that friend-making thingy coming along? To answer your question, I didn't assign you on the mission to make friends because I thought it would help you. I've always viewed it more as a scientific experiment. In simple terms, I was testing to see if the creation of friendships would help strengthen bonds in order to multiply the effect of the Elements of Harmony. If you'd like to get more advanced, here is the equation that I have created in which I think applies to this:

6+7(4)+y(2) P+8[9+x(y+3)]
___________ + _____________

8/7( i +86)+34 7(4+2x) - 20%

So far, all the results using the equation have been screwed up due to Pinkie Pie's randomness. And of course, Applejack is an imaginary number, because we all know that Applejack can only be a main character in someone's imagination. Eh, maybe I'll give her the "Best Background Pony" award when the next Summer Sun Celebration rolls around.

Yours maybe,
Princess Celestia

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