Twilight's Answering Machine 2

Twilight's phone is on the table. All of the following are recordings from the answering machine and are voice only.

Spike: You have reached Twilight and Spike, leave a message blah blah blah.

Twilight Sparkle: (disapproving) Spike…

Spike: What!? Everypony should know how these things work.

(beep)

Mr. Davenport: Miss Sparkle, this constitutes your final warning. If you don’t remit payment of 300 bits and 12 cents for your purchase of parchments and quills, we will be forced to turn you over to “cut off your hooves” collection-style agency. Thanks and have a good day!

(beep)

Applejack: Howdy Twilight, this here Applejack callin’. I wuz just wonderin’ if you know where that dang Apple Bloom is. She was supposed to do her chores three hours ago! Those apples won’t polish themselves up! Also, I think somepony broke into my cellar and drank all those super-secret “hard” cider that I serve when we have slumber parties. I was just wonderin’ if you know anythin’ about that… So, uh…yeah.

(beep)

Spike: (slurring, chuckling throughout) Oh hey Twilight (heh heh heh)  I’m just calling because, it turns out, Applejack keeps extra cider in her cellar and (ha ha ha!) oh man, they’re better than the stuff she sold at the booth! (BWA HA HA HA) I mean, everything’s all blurry now and I feel light-headed, but WHOOPEE! Just wanted to let you know…BWA HA HA HA!

(beep)

Fluttershy: Oh hello, Twilight. I was just, um, wondering if you have Prince Albert in a can and…

Rainbow Dash: (in background) Ugh, Fluttershy! That prank won’t work on answering machines.

Fluttershy: Oh, it doesn’t? I’m so sorry.

Rainbow Dash: Geez, gimme that! (grabs phone), Miss Sparkle, this is the Queen of Eggheads calling in to let you know that you won the Biggest Egghead in the World Contest. Just stand outside wearing a giant egg costume for 12 hours, and I will totally come with the prize. (to Fluttershy) There, see? Now THAT’S how you prank call somepony.

Fluttershy: You rock, Rainbow Dash. Woo-hoo.

Rainbow Dash: C’mon, I’ll help you get it right next time.

(beep)

Big Macintosh: Good afternoon, Miss Sparkle. This is Big Macintosh. E’yup. Just wonderin’ if you know where my youngest sister is. Was supposed to do her chores hours ago. E’yup. Also, I think your dragon is drunk. He’s prancing around in the field talking to trees. E’yup, definitely drunk. Better check on the hard ciders in the cellar. E’yup.

(beep)

Cheerilee: Hello there, Twilight. It’s me, Cheerilee. I’m calling to let you know that the school board has rejected your request to teach the history of Equestria at our school. They were going to okay it, but then they looked at the lesson plan you’ve prepared and have decided that it’s too complex and ridiculously nitpicky to teach to foals. But they did say they would reconsider if you removed the lecture on Star Swirl the Bearded’s favorite breakfast. Tah-tah!

(beep)

Apple Bloom: Howdy Twilight, this here’s Apple Bloom. Listen, uh, I think somethin’s wrong with Spike. I found these extra barrels of cider in the cellar, so I got Spike to help me get some out to maybe sell ‘em, but he ended up drinking the entire barrel and he started making these weird faces and said some weird stuff about my bow. There’s nothing wrong with my bow, ain’t it? I’m so afraid of what I did to Spike that I’m hiding at Scootaloo’s house right now, and I was supposed to mah’ chores hours ago! Oh, I hope Applejack and Big Macintosh are understandin’!

(beep)

Fluttershy: Oh hello, Twilight, this is Fluttershy

Rainbow Dash: (in background) No! Don’t say your name!

Fluttershy: Oh, uh, I mean this is Book Wizard, saying uh…that uh…(quickly) YOUREANERD!

(beat)

Fluttershy: Did I do, um…good?

Rainbow Dash: …We’ll just chalk that up as a beginner’s try.

Fluttershy: Oh, I’ll never be a prank master.

(beep)

Meanwhile, at the Cutie Mark Crusaders Clubhouse, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo are looking at Spike, who is lying on the floor, looking sick. He’s holding his stomach, moaning.

Spike: Ugh.

Apple Bloom: I don’t understand. First he was happy, laughing all the time, and now he’s somehow sick.

Sweetie Belle: Maybe the princess will know what’s wrong!

Scootaloo: Yeah!

Apple Bloom: Well, we already wrote to her. We’re waiting for her to write back!

(Spike’s cheek fills up)

Spike: Hurk!

Apple Bloom: Hey, looks like she wrote back!

Spike: Blarg! (throws up on the floor)

(Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo backs up slightly, looking at the floor with a mixture of shock and disgust)

Sweetie Belle: I…don’t think that’s from the princess.

END PART 2