EPISODE 6

What a Shitty Death

the italics are words that Max's crazy ass brain says.

----------------------------------

I Was falling

how did I know I was falling?

because I was attacked by something that obviously wanted me to fall off of the balcony I was leaning on.

do I know who did it?

I sure dont.

do I want to know?

I really would like to.

what would I do to said person or pony?

I would sure like to find out.

and now, im falling.

In slow motion that is.

people say that when your about to die, you see your life flash before your eyes

thats a load of bullshit.

shit just moves in slow motion, trust me, ive been falling for like, 3 hours, im not even sure ive traveled 3 feet.

so all I have now is time.

this is shit, why cant I just die already?

well I could use this time wisely.

That wouldnt be fun, now would it?

Who the fuck was that?

Its me of course

who are you, I mean, exactly who.

I AM YOUR FATHER

get the fuck out

im serious bro

I am to, its to soon for me to go full retard.

never go full retard

you know what I mean

if course I know what you mean, im just fucking with you

then seriously, who the fuck are you?

im you, but im just crazy as fuck

Pics or it didnt happen

here you go Pictures of me flash before my eyes

fuck, you got pics.

fuck yea I have pics

why are you here?

cause your about to die, and you've accepted the fact that your going to die

Yea? why do you care?

CAUSE IM YOU, dipshit, I dont want to die, at least not yet.

why not? death is glorious.

now im pretty sure your the crazy one

Nah, im pretty sure your crazy

why do you say death is glorious, you have to deal with that 'Claus' guy

whos that?

shit, you havnt died yet have you?

Nope, still kickin here

well shit man, have a nice ride

wait what?

Then, time sped up,or returned back to normal, whatever.

branches wooshed passed me as I hit them.

I broke a few on my way down, but im pretty sure some hit me at an angle in which it impaled through my left lounge

and after the 5 second fall, my limp body hit the ground at about 120 g's.

as my body hit the ground I heard a series of "Snap" and "Crack", maybe the occasional "Pop"

"Aww shit, thats gonna leave a bruise" I said to my self as I chuckled/ spat blood out.

Time Passed

and more time passed

How the fuck am I not dead yet?

cause, your hard to kill

really, this guy agian?

yea me again

why cant I just die already?

cause, im part of you, and until your brain stops working im here

Great, how long is that going to take?

few more seconds

oh, ok

I heard some voices coming toward me

"this is the beast I was talking about twilight, I knocked it right off of your balcony" said a tomboyish voice

"oh NO!" I heard Sparks say "Thats Max, I was taking all of you to see him!"

and then

I bled out.

YOU  HAVE USED 1 LIFE, I SHALL TAKE WHAT IS MINE, THAN YOU SHALL LIVE, BUT BEWARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF DEATH

I opened my eyes, to reveal nothing but a white plane of existance

wait,I can see shit

"WOOHOO!" I yell into the endless white void

wait

Im dead though

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" I yell at the top of my lounges

wait

I look down at my left lounge to find theres a fucking hole there

"hehe, I have a new hole in my body" I say as I put my hand in and out of the hole

when im done playing with the new hole in my body, "hehe" I giggle agian, I start to look around.

"So this is death eh?" I say while looking around and walking slowly in a random direction.

I continue walking

"what a fucking boring piece of shit" I say as I continue walking.

I walk for quite a while

and I continue walking

and walking

until I get bored

"CMON!" I yell at the air.

what I hear next startles me

it sounds like a nuclear bomb falling...you know, the high pitched to low pitched

when it finally gets closer, I can see a square object in the sky

and then, as quickly as it appeared, it landed on the ground with an, anticlimactic "THUD"

I was too far away to see what it actually was, but I had a good idea.

I started sprinting toward it, to find out that it was a door, just a regular door that was labeled "LIFE"

I stopped at the door and took a deep breath, and put my hands on my knees.

I looked up at the door in front of me, and do a double take.

"well shit, it definitely does say life" I say to myself

Vell of course it does

"Woah shit!" I yell, startled bye the german voice that came out of nowhere

Vy so startled? The voice said, sounding amused

"Who the fuck are you?" I yelled up at the voice

Haha, I can be anyone you want the voice said

"Names, I need names" I said impatiently

OK, no need to be so impatient Mr.Taylor he sounded even more amused

"no, I need to get back to life, I lied, I dont want to die, matter of fact, im scared of death" I say, panicking

no need to worry, you will get back soon enough.

"soon enough eh?"  I say as I cross my arms. "I dont like the sound of that, whats the catch?"

Catch?, who said anything about a catch?

"Come on you German son of a bitch, I there's always a catch, and you know that."

Very clever, I have underestimated your intellect

"Damn right you have, now whats the catch?" I was not amused by how serious he was treating the situation

Ok, ok, all you have to do, is give me a valid reason for you to live.Simple, right?

"uuuuhhhh, yea, simple" I said, unsure of myself.

We argued about the reasons I thought up

and we argued

and argued.

"IM FUCKING TELLING YOU, FRESH BACON IS A GOOD REASON TO LIVE!" I was furious, because that was the last reason I had to live.

Ugh, when will you be able to see the better things in life?

"I am, but in case you didnt notice, I DONT CONTROL WHO LIVES AND DIES!"

ugh....maybe I can help you.

"how so?" I ask, being very interested in being alive once again.

Vell, I could take you though parts of your life, and maybe then it would remind you if whats really important.

"no, I dont want to do that....I dont want to go through that kind of pain agian.."

its the only way, I assure you

"there has to be some other way"

im afraid not

"..."

ok,get ready

and then

my life flashed before my eyes

like for real

Birth

First steps

Growing up

Going to school

getting bullied every day.

he showed me everything, even the shit I never wanted to see in the first place

my grandparents murder

my father getting gunned down

my aunt and uncle dieing in a horrible elavator accident

finding my cousin overdosed in his room

the car crash

the funeral

I thought about my life, and how I spent it, alone. every day, I would deny the chance to make some friends, I would push them away, and keep to myself.

then, when I thought it was over, it showed when me, when I found pinkie in my apartment.

me packing up.

then I as soon as I watched it happen, I knew.

"Stop, right here!"  I yelled frantically

have you finally figured it out?

"yes"

than spit it out, im already getting sick of you

"Its her!" I said as I pointed the the scene before me.

It was pinkie and I, hugging. it was one of the only hugs I had ever willingly gotten. and when I saw this memory, I knew what I had to live for.

"Shes my only friend!" I said

eeehhhh, good enough he sounded dissapointed

"Hay, bitch, this is a big moment for me, ok?"

ya ya ya, I wont steal it from you, just close your eyes, and count to five

"im not gonna argue"

I closed my eyes

1...

"by the way, whats your name?"

2...

thats not important

3...

"I just need to know"

4...

"my name is Claus"

5...

I was pulled into what seemed like the vacuum of space, and then, I just stopped.

Beep........Beep........Beep..........Beep

"By Celestia, hes alive!" I heard iron say

"Da Fuck?" I said as I opened my eyes

Beep.........Beep.......Beep.......Beep..

"Fuck!" I yelled as I tried to cover my eyes from the light.

"how is he alive, he just dead" I hear twilight say

"Who cares about how hes alive" my eyes were now adjusted to the light

"its time for a party!" I heard pinkie yell as a burst of streamers and confetti hit me in the face.

I looked around the room, only to see a room, about 10 feet by 7 feet with seafoam green wallpaper. I also see a total of 6 ponies standing around the room.

Pinkie, a purple unicorn, and a gray unicorn- WAIT WHAT!

"Im so glad to see you" pinkie yelled as she jumped up and hugged me. "ouch" I said as she landed on my wound.

Now, normally, I would not be ok with the whole "Hugging" thing, but since its pinkie, and I kinda was just dead, and she is my only friend.

"Im glad to see you too" I said as I tried to blow the pink hair our of my face.

Sparks spoke up this time "how exactly do you two know each other?" she sounded really confused

"oh" I was caught off guard by her question.

"well-" I was going to explain before pinkie pie shoved a hoof in my mouth.

"Hmmhmm, hm hmmm!" I tried to yell but her hoof stayed in my mouth

"what hes trying to say, is that I was the one who talked him into coming here!"

"Hmm Hmm?" I questioned.

Pinkies hoof tasted strangely like chocolate cake.

She took her hoof out of my mouth.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" I yell.

she got close, and whispered into my ear

"we cant let them know"

I was highly confused, but my mind set was thrown off by what I saw lying in the corner of the brightly lit room

"MY DVD COLLECTION!" I Yelled as I jumped off of the bed I was in.

there were 3 things I hadn't yet noticed.

One, that I was completely naked at the time.

Two, I had a hole in my body that was still healing

Three, Pinkie Pie was sitting on top of my chest, and by jumping off the the bed, I would be flinging her into the air.

In a small period of time, I was embarrassed beyond any amount of embarrassment ive ever experienced in my entire life.

Time went in slow motion again, which is getting really annoying. in a jumble of small movements I like to call "quick time movements" I tried to recover, but to no avail was I able to gain my composure.

Pinkie pie flew off of my chest and into the wall, while I fell to the floor and writhed in pain, screaming "KILL ME NOW!"

I was also using both of my hands to cover my love organs.

I continued to scream, and cover myself, at the same time.

"Max, are you OK!?" I heard a combination of Sparks, and Pinkie pie yell.

"Im fine" I manage to say while im in the most amount of pain ive been, well, pretty much ever.

"No your not." I heard sparks say in a worried tone.

I felt an outside force carry me from the ground where some of my blood was now dripping on to.

The bed squeaked as I landed on it with a noise that sounds like you just jumped on a squeaky beds really quickly, yea, you know that sound, its horrible.

So after I endured the hole in my stomach, and the embarrassment.

I lie still for a moment, to asses my situation, being fucked up in the gut and all.

"Well that happened" I said as I sat up

"What the buck is wrong with you max?" pinkie yelled at me.

"im sorry, I forgot you were on my lap when I saw the thing that I love more than anything else in the universe" I said as I pointed at my DVD collection.

That was my pride

I didnt see it as a possession, as much as I did a part of my soul.

I know it sounds silly, but I really care about my DVDs,

"That? A BOX!?" Pinkie sounded furious.

"Whats wrong with that?" I defended myself

"Its a BOX!" Pinkie sounded even more furious, I dont even know why, she must have some personal vendetta agianst boxes, or DVDs, but I wouldnt see any reason for that, because im quite positive that DVDs dont exist in this universe.

"Besides, its not the box in particular, but whats inside of the box." I prepared a sturdy defense for myself myself.

"Its the things inside the box that I would defend with my life."

Pinkie looked less mad, but stormed out of the room anyway.

Sparks walked, or trotted up, whatever you prefer, next to me.

"Well that was rude" she says as she glares at me

"Who was rude? Wait, ME?" I ask

"What the hell did I do?" I was stunned, I had no idea what I did wrong.

"isn't it obvious?" Sparks asked me.

"Isn't what obvious?" I had no fucking idea what she was talking about.

"you cant tell me your that clueless." sparks looked at me like that again, kinda like 'your really fucking stupid'

"I DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT, UGH!" I yelled as I threw up my hands, I winced as I felt my stitched rip a little, I gotta stop doing that.

I covered my face with both of my hands, I just wanted to know what she was talking about.

"she obviously likes you" sparks said as she put her hoof on my shoulder

"Im gonna call bullshit" I said as I stared to rub my forehead.

"Its true, she hasn't talked about anything but you since she got back, shes not really hiding it."

"I dont even know what to say about this information!" I said as I put my face into my pillow

"I need to be alone"

"are you sure?" I hear sparks ask me.

"yea"

I was dumbfounded.

pinkie barely knew me, and she liked me

well, I need some time to think.

-------

End

-------