Dankworld
(Pony Edition)
~Act One~
~Part One~

In your unconsciousness, you have a dream, or a vision, or a something.
You are pulled across the fields of grass , traveling away from the forest, staring up at the STARS once more. You are somewhat glad, because leaving that mess of trees was your intention anyway. You do not see who or what drags you, but hear small, familiar female voices. You hear them conversing with each other, and one of them is clearly worried about whether you are alive or not. You would say something, but you really didn't feel up to it.
The forest grows further and further away and you begin to wonder whether or not this truly was just a figment of your imagination. You know this landscape seems familiar, perhaps unbearably so, but you can't quite seem to put your finger on it. But this place... you know it cannot be real.
Yet, now that you think about it, it could be your reality. That bump on the head was no joke, and you can’t ignore the ground scraping along your back. For the first time, you are actually worried about why you're here, and where you are at all.
Your visions, whether they be a dream or not, fade to black.

This time when you awaken, you look around and find yourself inside of what you speculate is a TREEHOUSE. You are tied to the CHAIR in the center of the room, both your legs and your arms bound by ROPES. You hear two or three voices from outside of the treehouse, but you can't quite make out what they're saying. Perhaps it is time to move it move it.
>Attempt to tear ropes away from chair.
But that would be a jailbreak! You do so anyway, or at least try, only to find yourself hot in the face and the ROPES only slightly effected. Your lanky stoner figure admittedly lets you down more than you wish it does.
>Try again.
Some ropes loosen, yet there are many more to keep you down. One more yank could do it...
But damn, the front of the TREEHOUSE swings open and in trot three little ponies that barely come up to your thigh. These three are none other than the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS. One of them exclaims “Oh no, it's awake!!” and they scream in terror. You find it quite amusing.
>Break ropes.
Of course, these fillies, even as young and ignorant as they are, would never let some sort of giant, never-before-seen creature break from it's bonds. The ROPES are significantly more durable than you believed. You have seriously underestimated these ponies. Your distaste for the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS has never been so bloated.
Applebloom approaches you, looking more curious then fearful, an intense swing of emotion from your first meeting just seconds ago. You wonder if it has anything to do with your inability to free yourself. She asks if you are some sort of monster.
>”Of course not, I'm a human.”
All the fillies groan in sadness. They were sincerely hoping they would get their monster hunting CUTIE MARKS for finding and capturing you. Scootaloo shakes her head and says she has never heard of any “hue-man”, and the other ponies quickly agree. “What is a 'hue-man'?”
>”Bi-pedal homosapiens from Earth.”
The younguns clearly do not understand your fancy-speech, but you need not worry about further explanations on that topic, for Sweetie Belle bursts into the conversation. “Are you going to eat us?” she asks, more inquisitive than worried, just like the other pony.
>Insist that I will not eat anypony I meet
While two of the ponies look relieved, Scootaloo remains unconvinced. “How do we know we can trust you?” she asks in a condescending tone. If you could, you might've very well stomped her into the dust. Not only because you dislike her so greatly (as an avid watcher of the show, you've grown to love and tolerate everyone except the damn CRUSADERS), but also because these ponies are somewhat terrifying. I mean, these bitches can talk, and have huge eyes that pierce the very depths of your soul. And after all, the numero uno way to get rid of something you fear is to kill it.
Maybe not completely scary, you conclude, but at least unnerving.
>No they're not.
What?
>This isn't even slightly unnerving, and I'm offended that you consider me to be slightly scared by COLORFUL PONIES
Well, if you insist. We'll take your word for it.
Scootaloo taps her hoof, impatiently awaiting your answer.
>“Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
The ponies have a look of wonderful, stricken by awe, for this monster they have “obtained” knows their aunt Pinkie's rhyme, one they all realize is unbreakable lest you wish to face the wrath that is PINKIE PIE. While still skeptical, the ponies agree to release you, but they first must go get Applebloom’s big sister; to be safe, they say. They rush out of the room, except for the adorable white one named Sweetie Belle who was instructed to “keep an eye” on you.
While you two are alone, she apologizes for the actions of the other two, claiming it was mostly their idea to “unconsciousness-ify” you and bring you here. She removes the ropes binding both your hands and your hand legs, and you arise to your colossal height.
You feel just a smidgen better about her, now.
But only a smidgen.
>Resist punching her in the face.
Oh god, it would be so satisfying to punch this marshmallow in the fuckin’ face, returning the favor from her earlier love tap to the skull. Then you’d be free to leave without fear of any other ponies trying to harm you in any way. You clench a fist at your side, and sweat drips down your brow. It would be so easy, the filly is right there...
...but no! It would probably be morally wrong according to some religion out there, and you approve of keeping your karma at a maximum. At least that’s what you want for now. You consider again the simplicity of harming this pony, but then again, she is just a silly little bitty filly.
Good for you, not punching Sweetie Belle in the face.
(+7 karma)
>Holy shit, that was morbid.
You’re not normally like this, you swear! You’re just angry from the circumstances, you assure yourself again and again.
>I mean, that was really FUCKIN' morbid.
Yep, it looks like you're just an asshole.
A minute passes, or perhaps a few seconds that felt like a minute, and another much larger pony that sports a pumpkin orange coat clops into the room with both of the other crusaders. She at first looks uninterested in the CMC's latest finding, until she actually see's what you are. She then does a double take and yells “What in Equestria is that!”. You're not sure if you should take offense or not.
Applebloom notifies her older sister, whom she calls Applejack, that you are a being called a “hue-man” and also a hamasamopien... Or something. She then scolds Sweetie Belle for deviating from the plans regarding your release.
>Introduce myself.
In fluent Equestrian, you introduce yourself as a man named Spencer, from the gorgeous planet Earth, with you’ve no idea why you are here, or how. She is at a loss for words, her jaw essentially smashing through the floor in amazement. You continue, declaring that you awoke in a forest just hours ago and you were smashed to unconsciousness by these three rapscallions and then drug here.
Apparently, her tiny pony mind just comprehended you spoke her language, and she asks something along the lines of “how in tarnation do yuh know our language?”. She looks at you with a lot less fear and a lot more interest, now that you have proven yourself an educated and sentient creature.
>“I dunno lol.”
She doesn’t seem to understand. She raises an eyebrow, obviously incoherent of your jargon. “Pardon?”
>“This language is exactly like the one I have back on Earth.”
She cocks her head in interest and, or so you believe, pretends to understand what you have said. “Well... whutever you say, uh... Spencer.” She obviously finds you and pretty much everything regarding you to be extremely bizarre, but hey, she’s trying.
>Asks if there is someplace I could relax for a few days, to recover my bearings.
Applejack is obviously taken aback by this suggestion, not particularly interested in having a “monster” in her home or near any other pony, regardless of your show of intellect. Lucky for you, she claims to know one filly that would put her differences aside, for science and for knowledge. Her name is Twilight Sparkle, Applejack says, and she can certainly help you out.
>“So let’s go.”
Applejack hesitantly agrees, and the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS immediately ask if they can join you. “Puhleeeeeeeez”, they whine “we reeeeeaaallly waaant toooooo...” AJ quickly denies, but is obviously welcoming your opinion on the matter too.
>Have the younguns head home, it is late.
The all groan in unison, and goosestep out of the TREEHOUSE, discussing how they wish there was no school tomorrow so they can talk to Spencer more. You’re flattered, and feel slightly better about the circumstance of being taken here.
Even if your introduction was a bit... shaky.
Applejack trots over to you, her head barely reaching your chest. She was indeed a pony, the show don’t lie.
“Yuh ready tah go?” she asks, keen to get a move on.
>Gesture her to take the lead using my right hand.
She understands, and slowly canters beside you as you both exit the TREEHOUSE.
Now is the first time you’ve have had to really think about what has occurred. Apparently, you were so baked you were transported to EQUESTRIA, into a cartoon show for little girls that you enjoy. But...
Why are you here? How is it possible? Are you dreaming, or perhaps dead? Maybe someone, as you thought before, gave you some salvia or LSD or some other drug you were never keen to try. You seem to be taking it well, but... what if you can’t get back? You LIKE your old life! Or what if this was all Animus and shit and you were relieving the life of... one of your ancestors? No, that didn’t make any sense; but at this point nothing could be explained without sounding like someone with a case of insanity. You’ll file that with the rest of nonsense that explains this mess.
As you travel away from the TREEHOUSE and past SWEET APPLE ACRES, you realize there’s only one thing to do now.
>Commence shuffle
You do a little jig, Applejack can’t touch this.
Stop... human time.
Applejack stops her movement to stare at you, likely wondering if you were feeling all right. She obviously has never been exposed to this fantastic way of dancing before, and you feel a twinge of pain that some people (or ponies) have never even heard of MC Hammer.
But there is one last thing you must do.
>Go with the flow.
Go with the flow, indeed.