Have you seen in the movies where the hero comes home and his girlfriend takes him into her arms and a whole scene where they are kissing, hugging and swinging around in a meadow before quickly turning into something a little less PG and more R? Yeah, my return to Rainbow was nothing like that. Sorry to get your hopes up. There was no meadow or swinging though there was some kissing and hugging. But to my disappointment, no rated R cutscenes. If you know what I mean. The farthest it got was some hardcore snuggling. But, I’m not going to complain.

The reason why I’m not going to complain is due to the fact that latter in the day I had to help Scumbag McGee, A.K.A. Valiant, kidnap Applejack’s cousin Braeburn. I wanted to enjoy the good parts of the end of my life before being violently dismantled by an angry cyborg. Oh well, getting a custom built sword out of it is worth it. But barely.

Valiant and I made our way through Sweet Apple Acres and found Braeburn sleeping deeply in the house. I found it odd that he was making no attempt at stealth. To my astonishment and horror, Valiant just rolled him heavily out of the bed and demanded that I carry his legs. Then we simply huffed back to town with our still unconscious ‘victim’.

“Time for science!” Valiant cheered as we entered a building and threw the cyborg onto a table. Sir Win was already there admiring his reflection in a bonesaw. The orange stallion grinned darkly at me. “Do you want to stay and watch? Or are you unable to stomach a little blood?”

Not wanting to be labeled as a coward I stayed... for a short bit. Valiant said “a little blood”. Instead, it was like watching Fargo with Valiant playing the part of the wood chipper. For all I know he was cutting off parts for the hell of it. Whenever I asked what or why he was doing something all he would say was “For science!”

When they started bolting steel plating to bone I left.

I grabbed Dash a present from a store, a limited edition Wonderbolt uniform. I knew she liked them and the clerk said that this was a rare item. It took all the money I had gained and stolen during my adventure so far. When I presented it to Dash she turned into the usual female that likes getting expensive gifts.

“I love it!” she squealed. “Only three-hundred of these were made! Thank you so much! This is so cool!”

Dash admired it for a little longer. I was such a good boyfriend... at least in my opinion.

“I don't think I told you yet,” she stated, still looking at the uniform. “But I applied to the Wonderbolts Academy and I think my odds of getting in are very good.”

“That’s great!” I knew how much this meant to her. She talked about the Wonder Bolts at least once every day. “I hope you get in”

She admired her uniform a little longer before looking up at me with a sly smile. “I think you need a present.”

I knew exactly where this was going. I could tell from the look in her eyes.

“I’ll dress up in my outfit and we’ll test how much ‘acrobatics’ this thing can really take. Hmm?” She edged closer to me. “How does that sound?”

Around this time, R rated events started to transpire.

I was in such a good mood that I broke Valiants #1 rule when entering one of his many workshops: knock. It was a good thing he was busy. Looking back on it I realised that he could have beat the crap out of me due to being indoors and unable to use my pegasi agility and ability to fly. Valiant was an idiot ass-hat, but an idiot ass-hat that knew how to fight.

I could tell that the smile on my face was annoying him, so I did the reasonable thing. I kept smiling.

“So when is that sword going to be ready?” I asked, looking over his shoulder at the red metal. My grandfather was a blacksmith and I could tell that Valiant had no idea what he was doing.

“No idea. First I have to make mine, then I'll kill the Black Twins, then I can start on yours. It would go faster if you’d leave me alone.” He continued to hammer the steel, only pausing to give me a slight irritated look.

I didn’t have time to wait. “Well I-”

He cut me off, holding his hoof up. “Stop. Hammer time.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. That was something that made knowing Valiant tolerable, even if just barely. A sense of humor and pleasant references to Earth. I could tell though that he didn’t want to be bothered any more and if I continued to press my luck I would find myself with a red hot rod of iron through my face.

I spent the rest of the evening with Rainbow Dash.

I couldn't help but feeling bad for leaving Ponyville. I was leaving without a weapon once again, though I had borrowed a map from Twilight’s library, and Dash was sad to see me go so soon. I gave her one last hug and kiss before jumping into the air. The moment I had left the ground though I felt better. I had always loved the perks of being a pegasus. So much better than being a human. It was too bad that the world depended on me finding the can... or at least that was what they told me. The details had not been expressed to me very effectively.

I was making my way to the skies over the Everfree, wondering to myself if I should stay in town a little bit longer, when a sword came hurtling towards me and over my head. I looked down to see where it came from and the sight of Valiant about to have the shit beat out of him met my eyes. The two Black Twins that Sir Win told me about loomed over him and I couldn't help but feel some satisfaction that Valiant was going to get some sort of karma for how much of an ass he was.

“Screw you, Valiant,” I chuckled to myself. “I ain’t sticking around. Have fun.”

I continued on my way before turning towards the frozen north. I still had no idea what I was doing.