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The Pointless Adventures of Guinness

by Altoid

Chapter 10: Spin Me Right Round

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I have a fear of bears. I honestly do. One of the only reasons I don’t want to move to a place far in the woods is because of them. Anything that could rip down my front door to get to the tasty human inside freaked me out. Not to mention a bear’s roar and growl were, in my opinion, one of the scariest. Yes, I know I can be a wimp. So what?

So now here I was, laying on a pile of bones mere yards away from a massive sleeping bear. I had mentally named him Mr. Fluffy to make light of the situation and to prevent myself from going into shock. My wings were still in pain and they were not helped by the cold.

When I had awoke I first waited for my headache to dissipate then I looked over at the bear to make sure it really was asleep. When I was satisfied that it was indeed unconscious I tried to slip away. Then I realised why I had been placed on top of a bone pile. A skull and two ribs tumbled as I tried to stand creating a grim avalanche.

I held my breath and watched the bear stir and look over at me with sleepy eyes.

“Hey there,” I whispered as if talking to a housecat. “Just go back to sleep, Fluffy, and have nice dreams of deer meat and berries. Okay?”

It continued to stare at me but I could tell that the drowsiness was wearing away. I quickly decided that now would probably be a better time for running instead of talking.

No sooner had I leaped out of the cave and into the canyon when a heart freezing roar echoed behind me.

“Shit!” I looked up at the sky above me and wished desperately that my wings were not injured.

I tried momentarily to spread them and fly to safety but a bolt of pain shot down my back. There was another roar behind me but it sounded further back. I dared not look back, fearing that he would be right on my tail.

“Damn you, Valiant!” If that ass had hurried up and gotten me a weapon I would’ve been able to fight the beast (with limited success of course) and prevent myself from looking like a coward.

After running for a several minutes longer, and hearing no more of the bear chasing me, I allowed myself to relax. My run became a quick canter and I risked a look back and was glad to see nothing behind me. As I was turning my head back around a hot breath landed on my cheek.

The bear loomed up before me and I couldn’t believe my luck. The canyon had gone in a circle and led directly back to the bear’s cave where he had patiently sat, waiting for me to return just in time for dinner.

“Why!” I screamed as I ducked a swipe from a paw and started to run once again. “This is beyond unfair!”

After running for another minute and hearing that the bear was still not following me I calmed down and waited. I stretched my wins again, cursed at the pain, then ate one of the rolls that the crazy mare had given me. A crunch of snow sent my heart racing again and I ran just as the bear ambled around the corner. He was in no hurry to catch me. He knew I couldn’t escape.

This carried on for nearly an hour. I would stop to catch my breath and the bear would appear behind me, or even to my front and I would have to flee once again. But every time I would stop though I would notice things. The canyon that I was trapped in had smooth walls and appeared to have been built long ago by some civilisation. This gave me hope, if someone had built this then they must have made an exit.

But as I continued on my run around around the circle I could find nothing on the walls that looked even remotely like an exit. The only hole in the otherwise flat sides was the bear’s den and I had no urge to go back inside there. Not to mention I hadn’t seen any exit in there earlier.

I had sat down against the wall exhausted and returning to hopelessness when I heard again the sound of crunching snow.
“Quit playing around and eat me already.” I was done, that damn bear had won.

“I have no urge to eat you,” a females voice chimed like a bell. “I just came down to see what Blizzard was chasing.”

I looked up and was happy yet shocked to see a, well, something staring at me curiously. It was a mix between a deer and a pony. It had long and thin legs and antlers like a deer yet the body, head and hooves were like a pony. It was a few inches shorter than a pony as well.

She continued to watch me then chuckled. “What are you?”

“I’m a hum- a pony.” Still wasn’t used to referring to myself as anything but a human. “What the heck are you?”

“I’m an equestalope, of course.” She chuckled again. “I never heard of a pony. What are they? What do they do?”

“They are, well...” It was like talking to a child. “They are, they are what I am. I don’t know how to explain it. I haven't been a pony for very long?”

“Hmm,” she looked me over for a little longer. “I wonder if my brothers can make anything of you. Come now, follow me.”

We walked to the entrance of the bear’s den and the beast lumbered out to greet us. The equestalope spoke a few indiscernible words and the bear let us pass. The creature glared down at me hungrily as we walked by but it made no move. The far wall opened revealing a twisting stairway. Two more equestalopes were coming down the steps to greet us.

They spoke to each other in some strange language and occasionally looked at me. They soon said some final words and we headed up the stairs.

“If you don’t know what a pony is then how do you know their language?” I asked.

“I read your mind,” she giggled.

The other two equestalopes laughed as well.

“Don’t read my mind,” I shot. “There’s stuff in there that I don’t want people to know about!”

They laughed and the female spoke. “We cannot see everything in your mind. Just things on the surface. Like language and if you are of a twisted mind. Be assured though, secrets and your past are hidden unless you allow us to see them.”
Their laughter though was addictive and I found myself joining in. Why? I have not the slightest idea. But these creatures reminded me of the elves in J.R.R. Tolkiens books: happy and carefree. I would have to introduce Valiant to these guys. Perhaps they could make him lighten up and enjoy life without alcohol.

It turns out that the canyon acted like a moat around an ancient castle. How I missed the castle before I fell into the canyon is a mistery to me. Perhaps it was snow in my eyes or magic. The stairs led out of the bear’s den and directly up to the front gates. I looked up at the multiple crooked towers and dark windows. The place looked evil and deserted.

“You guys live here?” I suddenly didn’t feel so eager to follow these guys.

“Shell of cold, dark and fear,” the three equestalopes sang to the door. “Open and reveal your warm heart!”

“Wha-”

The sound of a great lock unwinding cut me off and the doors swung open revealing a dazzling sight. A grand hall brightly lit by torches and a roaring fire met my eyes, nearly blinding me. Bright colors and tapestries adorned the walls while plants stretched their branches or vines across the pillars. Two spiraling stairs adorned with gold climbed up and into hidden reaches of the castle.

“Holy shit!” My mouth hung open in wonder. It really was like walking into a chapter straight out of the Silmarillion!

“I believe our guest enjoys our city?” the first eqestalope chuckled to the others.

I nodded. “This place is amazing!”

More of the castle’s inhabitants were now coming out of side rooms and down the stairs. They talked amongst themselves and watched me with the same wonder that I was showing towards their home. The female equestalop leaped lightly onto a nearby table and stood above the others who were crowding around her.

“My friends and family!” she exclaimed in her musical voice. “Today is a glorious day!

‘Wow, they take guest seriously!’ I thought to myself.

“As foretold by the prophesy one-thousand years ago,” she continued. “A king has come through the frozen wastes to sit once again upon the Ivy Throne!”

There was a great cheer from the crowd and many broke out into song I nodded slowly, taking time to fully understand what she had said. Then my eyes went wide.

“Wait, me!” I exclaimed. The female equestalope bounded back to me. “I’m the king?”

She broke out into a full laugh. “If you so wish to be, my lord. The prophecy stated that a lone being would rise from the frozen wastes and take the Ivy Throne! You must be the king from the prophecy!”

A true adventurer would have had some grand and noble remark about being told that he was going to be a king. But alas, I am no true adventurer and all that came out of my mouth was a few indiscernible squeaks and the words, “Are you shitting me!”

All I got was laughs and more singing.

Next Chapter: King for a Day, Maybe More Estimated time remaining: 13 Minutes
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