Okay, so imagine this predicament. The Queen of England comes up to you and wants you to be the next king. She wants to leave England and spend the rest of her days in the Bahamas or something, and she doesn’t trust her kids to take over because they have turned out to be ass hats. Not a true opinion of the royal family, I need to say. This analogy is just hypothetical.

Now this is the catch. If you say yes you have to live the rest of your life in Buckingham Palace and never leave because the inhabitants of the palace think that the whole world is a frozen wasteland (or in the English case, run by Americans and the Irish) and if you left they would become lost. If you say no, you leave them and they become lost and afraid without you nonetheless.
That is mostly how it was with the equestalopes. Their king was moments away from death and had no heirs. I arrived just in time to save them from an age of darkness and terror.

Yay me!

They at least gave me time to think about it and I wandered the warm halls of the castle, enjoyed the happy company of the eqestalopes, and was fed eight meals a day. It was three days before coming up with an idea. It was just in time too, for the old king kicked the bucket the very next day.

I was walking out of the tower that served as my bedroom and was met by a large crowd of equestalopes with Gold Bough at their head. Gold Bough was the name of the first equestalpe that I had met and she was the one that actually spoke to me. The others just laughed playfully in their bubbly language.

“The King is dead, lord,” she said sadly. “Have you come to a decision?”

“Uh-yes.” I had hoped to have breakfast that morning before making decisions. “But I have some final questions to ask you before finalizing it. Okay?”

I sat at the head of the table eating uncomfortably. They had prepared a the best meal for me yet and I could tell they were trying one last attempt to win me over. I would have enjoyed it better if the entire population of the castle hadn’t circled around me with expectant eyes.

When I had eaten my fill I sat back and looked at them. “First question.”

“Yes?” Gold Bough chimed before I could continue.

“If I become king, would my say have complete power or will it be up for discussion?”

She tilted her head in slight confusion. “Of course, lord. Why would there be a need to dispute your demands?”

“There is none,” I quickly added. “Alright, next question. Would there be any action as king that would get me imprisoned or executed?”

“Again, my lord, there is no reason to challenge your decisions and actions. We would follow you until the sun sets forever.” She said this firmly but I could tell that my questions were starting to make her uneasy.

“Good-good.” I took a sip of water. “In that case, yes. I have decided that I will be king.”

I swear I almost lost my hearing with all of the laughter and cheering that filled the hall. Without hesitation I was whisked away, garbed in dazzling robes and a gold crown shaped like vines was placed on my head. I sat down on the throne and looked over my new people.

“What is the King’s first decree!” Gold Bough exclaimed.

I opened my mouth to enact my plan but decided against it. I was going to enjoy this place and it’s inhabitants a little longer.

“My first decree as king is!” I looked over their excited faces. “That there should be a three day long celebration!”

I hadn’t even taken a breath after speaking when the grandest party I had ever seen erupted throughout the castle.

I find it funny that the only individual that I talked to regularly had been trying to kill me only days before. The bear, Blizzard, or Mr. Fluffy, sat against the wall as I paced back and forth in front of him. He eyed me with a sense of understanding as I debated my decisions to him.

“This place is wonderful,” I was saying. “But I can’t stay here. I’m on a mission and I have to get back to Rainbow Dash. I already told you about her, Fluffy. But as I was saying. I can’t abandon these guys to some leaderless fate! So I must convince them that the entire world isn’t a frozen wasteland.”

I went silent and thought to myself before continuing. “This place is like a prison, now that I think about it. There is no escape from this place unless you have wings. Did their ancestors trap themselves here or did they get put here by somebody else?”

I looked over the the bear who gave me a confused growl.

“My thoughts exactly.” I sat down on a rock and thought some more.

After a while I returned to the castle. It was the last day of the celebration and most of the eqestalopes had been too caught up in the merriment that they didn’t even notice that I had left. The only one that did was Gold Bough. That girl tried to follow me everywhere.

“There you are, my king,” she sang as I wandered back into the hall.

“Hi.” I helped myself to a cup of wine. “Gather the others. I have something important to say.”

She bowed and then danced away. I sat down heavily on the throne and waited for the equestalopes to gather around me. Taking one last gulp of wine I then began to speak.

“There is something very important that I need to tell you.” I had rehearsed this speech in my head many times. “You have lived your whole lives believing that the world is nothing but a frozen wasteland and that this castle is the last warm place in the whole world. I must tell you that this is not true.”

There was a loud murmur and I held up my hoof for silence. Damn, I was a natural at this king thing!

“To the south there are lands that are warm and growing with forests and meadows. I feel it is my duty as your king to lead you to a better land where you can live free of these walls.”

They just stared at me, slowly processing this information. Suddenly I heard Gold Bough’s voice cut loudly through the silencer.

“To the southern lands! We follow the King!”

Then there was another day of celebration. Pinkie Pie would love these guys.

There isn’t much to say after that. A bridge was built over the canyon and Blizzard was let out and he followed like a guard dog. We trecked through the snow until the climate got warmer. All in all it took only five days to reach Equestria and two more days to finds some abandoned woods to establish the new equestalope kingdom. I hoped that none of the princesses frowned on me carving up a twenty mile section of forest to be their new home.

“Our new home is wonderful!” Gold Bough sang as she danced around the trees. “In a few years, and with a little help from our magic, this forest will become the most magnificent place in the world!”

“No doubt about that,” I replied.

“And with you as our king there is nothing that can hold us back!” She stared at me with eyes overflowing with admiration.

“And that, sadly, is where you are wrong.” I removed the crown from my head and looked it over absentmindedly.

“What do you mean, my king?” The confusion in her voice was painful.

I tried my best to sound kingly as I spoke. I'm sure I sounded lik any normal idiot of course. “I was only destined to be your king for a short time. You, on the other hand-hoof, have the blood of a leader in you.”

I set the crown on her head and the other equestalopes stopped to watch. Her mouth hung open in shock.

“I hereby make you queen of the equestalopes!”

No sooner had I said that when three more days of continuous celebration broke out.

I was sad to leave them. The equestalopes waved at me from the trees as I walked away. There was only one road and it skirted the edge of the forest and although my wings were healed I still didn’t feel like flying. I looked back one last time at my new friends, waved farewell, then continued on across a wide meadow. I was welcome back there but didn’t know If I was ever going to be able to return again.

I approached another woods and was saying happily to myself, “This adventure is finally taking a turn for the better!”

I just had to open my fat mouth! No sooner had I said that when an assortment of a dozen creatures emerged out of the woods and encircled me. A minotaur stepped up behind and lifted me by the tail.

I screamed a few curses and insults at him before being punched into unconsciousness.

‘Oh good,’ I thought sarcastically as my mind slipped into the dreamless dark. ‘Everything is back to normal.’