Rarity: Alright, so Twilight just got hurled through a wall. I suppose that was pretty exciting.
Twilight: A little bit.
Pinkie Pie: Oh! Don't forget how Celestia passed out!
Author: Ah, yes. Let's see if that motif continues in these next two chapters.
Twilight: It took four chapters explaining that Twilight was most likely an alicorn to get to this point. They didn't actually CONFIRM it. They just suggested it's extremely likely.
Pinkie Pie: Twilight should have just saved time and read the story description!
Author: I don't think-
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We've got story sign!

---

Not My Destiny

Rarity: I'm sorry to break this to you...

by Smayds

Author: Brand insecticide.

Chapter 5: Lunacy
(Alternate Title: My Little Expositionary Chapter)

Pinkie Pie: Hey!
Author: We're the ones that are supposed to be making fun of the story!

Falling.
Twisting.
Screaming.
Huge chunks of stone all around her, battering her, smashing her.

Twilight: "Mom! The stones are picking on me again!"

The most violent wind she had ever felt, tearing at every inch of her body.

Author: I guess that means her "feet" were safe! (Punched in the mouth by Rarity.)

I'm dead... I must be dead... I can't even feel the pain.

Hooves. Cool, strong hooves. Around her waist.

I really am dead.

Twilight: The cool strong hooves gave it away.

The stones had fallen away to thunder down the mountainside. The wind wasn't screaming in her ears any more,

Rarity: "That darn wind is always yelling at me to do something!"

but something had replaced it. Something with a voice.

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE! NO! NO! PLEASE! NO! NOOOOOO!"

Pinkie Pie: I think I prefer having the wind scream at me.

Hot tears were splashing onto her face.

Author: "AHH! THEY BURN!"

I'm not dead?

She opened her eyes.

Princess Luna was holding Twilight in a tight embrace, sparkling silver tears leaking freely from between the lids of her own tightly-closed eyes.

Author: "So, you know how I threw you though a wall? Sorry 'bout that. You wanna get some nachos, or something?"

They were floating close to the tallest castle tower, jerking higher and higher with every beat of Luna's enormous midnight-blue wings.

"I'm sorry, don't move, I'm s-sorry, please don't be dead, I hurt you, please don't try to move..."

Author: "I can't help it! The music is flowing through me!"

"P-princess?"

A gasp. Twilight felt the grip around her slacken.

Pinkie Pie: "Whoops! I dropped Twilight!"

"You're conscious? You should be dead!"

Rarity: "The nerve of some ponies, refusing to die properly..."

Wait until you see my next trick...

Twilight: "I'll make a horribly contrived story disappear!"
All: ...
Rarity: It didn't work.

A flash of blazing red. Luna released Twilight in shock - and Twilight dropped lightly back onto the floor of Celestia's private chamber.

Luna fell out of the air and hit the floor herself.

Twilight: Great, she passed out mid-flight...

She had been teleported. By somepony else. She was gaping at Twilight as her sister's first and only student galloped across to where Celestia was getting back to her hooves, surrounded by those other ponies... It took Luna a moment to realise that they weren't strangers at all.

Pinkie Pie: "Aren't you the ponies that come in and move the furniture?"

In an instant, Luna was by her older sister's side. "Big Sister! You're alright! I was... I thought... Twilight Sparkle! I thought I'd killed her! But she's..."

Rarity: "Turned into an alicorn,much to every readers' chagrin."

Celestia was shaking her head slowly.

Twilight: "No, no, no, this story won't do at all!"

She opened her eyes and looked at Luna.

"Why is there a hole in the wall, Little Sister?"

Author: Don't you remember? You were selected as contestants for that one game show.

"I... I don't know why, Big Sister. My magic... It leaped out of control."

Pinkie Pie: That's why you should always have a leash, silly!

Celestia closed her eyes and drew a very slow, deep breath.

Rarity: Did she use crayon or marker?

Twilight, standing with her friends, could never remember the princess ever looking so much as slightly flustered. But for this single instant, she really did look thousands of years old.

Author: My brain fizzled as it tried to create that mental image.

"Did you use magic on Twilight Sparkle, Little Sister?"

Luna nodded. "I came into the chamber and saw you on the floor. I simply couldn't believe it. I went to push the other ponies away from you with my horn so I could get to you, but..." Luna looked worried. "Something happened with my spell. It latched onto Twilight Sparkle and... and a surge of power unlike anything I've ever felt before... unbidden. My spell darkened the whole chamber,

Rarity: Or maybe the guards were fiddling with the lights again?

and then she just... She flew at the wall with enough force to smash right through it! As if I'd thrown her with all of the strength I could muster! And... she doesn't even have a scratch."

Twilight: It's a wall, not a cat.

Luna hung her head. "I thought I'd harmed a pony. I thought... Dear Starshine, I actually thought I had killed a pony."

Author: Okay, who's Starshine?

One lone silver tear dripped from Luna's cheek to the floor as Celestia nuzzled her little sister.

Pinkie Pie: If she kept crying silver, Equestria would be rich!

Celestia looked around at the others in the room. Everypony seemed perfectly fine, though the looks of worry and shock on their faces were unsettling. Twilight herself didn't have a feather out of place,

Rarity: Except for feather number 289 on the left wing.

but was wearing a look that demanded answers. And Celestia was going to give her those answers... Whatever the price.

Author: That'll be $3.28, with 72 cents as your change.

"Little Sister, my faithful subjects, my dear Twilight," Celestia began. "I have just undergone the greatest shock that I have received in all of my long life.

Twilight: "Including that time involving the bean-dip and Caramel."

I know what has happened to Twilight, though I never thought it would happen at all, to anypony. And certainly not to one that I know so well, and care so much for. If you would like to please sit down, we have quite a lot to discuss."

Pinkie Pie: "You're pregnant!"
Author: "And Bakura's the father!"

"Us too? Ah, heh, I mean, us too, your Highness?" asked Rarity.

"Of course. You are all her very best friends, and she will need all of your friendship if she is to survive."

"Survive?!" Pinkie Pie shrieked.

Pinkie Pie: "I don't want her to do THAT!"

Twilight looked around at all of her friends. Their expressions were ashen.

Author: It seems some ponies were playing with the flamethrower again.

"Please, please. Let us all sit. Guards," Celestia added, opening the door with her magic.

Rarity: "Arrest them."

The two pegasus guardsmen were cowering in fear against the opposite wall. "Oh! Please, you have nothing to worry about. A small spell mishap. Everypony is fine." They stood up shakily and bowed low. "As you see," Celestia said, gesturing with a gold-shod hoof, "Part of my wall is now at the bottom of the mountain.

Twilight: Don't you just hate it when that happens?

Please, send a team of strong pegasus movers to clean up and recover the stones. And you may leave your post. We do not need any... guarding for the moment."

"Y-y-y-y-yes, y-y-your H-h-h-h-h..." The guards stammered as they fairly rocketed down the corridor and out of earshot.

Author: Fairly rocketed? As opposed to cheating down the hallway?

Celestia closed the door again and walked to the circle of cushions by her fireplace. The others followed, Luna taking a cushion next to her sister, Twilight sitting in the cushion Celestia indicated, directly facing her. Spike sat down next to Twilight.

"So," Celestia began. "Firstly, I must congratulate you. The first new alicorn that the world has seen for six thousand years."

Luna's head snapped around so fast that the wind of its passage was audible. "WHAT?" she thundered.

Rarity: "I COULDN'T QUITE HEAR YOU!"

"Little Sister, think about what you see before you. You know there is no possible magic to give a pony feathered wings.

Pinkie Pie: "Butterfly wings? Completely different!

Of the three kindred, feathered flight belongs only to the pegasi."

"I... I suppose I really should have studied more lore, Big Sister." Luna turned her head forwards again. "Twilight Sparkle. Do you mind?"

Twilight: "I need to borrow a book on lore.

"Uh, Princess Luna, I... huh?"

Luna stood up and stepped towards Twilight. "Hold out your wings."

Author: This isn't some weird fetish now, is it?

Twilight gingerly opened her wings. Luna took a quick, sharp breath, and then sat back down, hard. "Alicorn feathers." A few non-alicorn feathers had been ejected from her cushion.

Rarity: Well. I'm glad that cleared everything up.

"I don't see any difference!"

Everypony looked at Rainbow Dash. "What?! I don't! They look just like pegasus feathers, which look just like bird feathers, which look just like any other kind of feather!

Twilight: "Not My Destiny": Where logic goes to die.

Yeah, sure, when she puts 'em up like this" - she arched her own wings high above her back - "they look just like the Princesses' wings. But they're just feathers!"

"They don't look like pegasus feathers to me," Rarity said quietly.

Rarity: "They look like cookies glued together. But I also had something to drink earlier, so don't mind me."

"Very succinct," Celestia said to the suddenly awkward-looking unicorn. "Tell me, what do you see?"

Author: (Singing) One of these things is not like the others...

"Well, I, uh, where to begin? They do look like just any other feather when she has them folded up," Rarity explained. "But when she puts those lovely wings into the air, they just... Oh my. They just... shimmer! They glow! And they're... they're moving, like in a breeze that isn't there!"

Pinkie Pie: Rarity took a class on Wing Fundamentals last year.

"No they're not! They're completely ordinary feathers!" Dash protested.

Author: She had picket signs and everything.

Celestia chuckled. "I wonder who else can see one of the glories of Twilight's beautiful plumage?" Nopony offered, and Twilight re-folded her wings. "Alright then. What makes Miss Rarity different from the rest of you?"

Twilight: She isn't racist?

"She's got a really good eye for fashion?" Fluttershy offered, as Rarity blushed furiously at being called "Miss" by the princess.

Rarity: I dare not even THINK of how I'll react if she refers to me as madam!
Author: Yes, perish the thought...

Suddenly, Fluttershy squeaked with the realisation that she'd spoken aloud, and immediately tried to do her very best impression of being completely invisible.

Pinkie Pie: t was pretty good, too!
Twilight: She managed to become translucent.

"She's afraid a' gettin' her hooves dirty?" That earned Applejack a truly magnificent scowl.

Author: I give the scowl a nine out of ten. Excellent execution.

"Oh! I know! She's the most beauti-" Spike sat back down and started pointedly looking away from everypony. His little scaly face was nearly as red as Rarity's had been.

"Not even close, my little ponies. And my little dragon." Celestia smiled at Spike. "Think about it," she prodded.

Author: "OW!"

Silence. Then, finally, rolling her eyes, Pinkie Pie let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh, come ON, girls! It's OBVIOUS! She can do MAGIC! DUH!"

"Absolutely correct, Miss Pinkie.

Rarity: Did Pinkie Pie blush?

Magic is as magic does, as they say. You must have known magic in order to see magic's traces.

Author: Likewise, it takes a knowledge of stupidity to see stupidity's traces.

Tell me, Twilight. What do you see?"

Twilight looked back at her new feathered appendages. "They're just feathers."

"Open them."

Twilight: She had her eyes closed.

Twilight stretched her left wing out and forward, holding it out in front of her face. "Oh. Ohhh... They almost look like they're made out of crystal, or... or, I don't know. Frozen smoke? I've never seen anything like them before. They don't look like your feathers, Princess. They look, like, ordinary I guess, until they're stretched out. Then they don't look like normal feathers."

Author: So let me get this straight; we have established that Twilight's wings are, indeed, not normal.
Rarity: And we spent the last dozen paragraphs or so proving that fact.
Twilight: Does that mean we can PLEASE get on with the story?

She folded her wing back against her side, a frown creasing her forehead.

Rainbow Dash grumbled quietly over that particular use of "ordinary" and "normal".

Pinkie Pie: She hadn't gotten a degree in English for nothing!

"Do they look like these?" Luna offered. Her magnificent plumage swept a high, graceful arc, as Celestia's followed suit.

Twilight reeled her jaw back in.

Twilight: She caught a huge mouth!

"...Oh. Yeah. Um, yeah. Wow. Your wings... never looked like that before," she said.

"You've never been able to see them properly before," Celestia said.

Author: And Rarity could?

"It wasn't your wings that made my heart stop, Twilight Sparkle. It was

Rarity: My cholesterol levels.

your feathers. Alicorn feathers. They look unique, to an eye that can see them. The thought that you were an alicorn was the most profound shock I have ever received. Not in many thousands of years have I ever... Well. Passed out."

Pinkie Pie: The last time was when I walked in on Luna when she was having an affair with a sock. We don't talk about that.

"There's been a lot of that today," Twilight said.

All: NO KIDDING!

"It nearly gave me a heart attack, seeing you fall. I mean, princess, you're... you're, well, you're you!"

Celestia smiled. "Luna and myself may have ruled Equestria for thousands of years," she began with a glance at her frowning sister, "but that does not make us infallable. Far, far from it. I have made mistakes, as has Luna. I regret my mistakes bitterly.

Pinkie Pie: "ESPECIALLY that one time with the earthquake."

You must learn to cope with such bitterness, Twilight. You will have to hold it within yourself forever, and not let it destroy you from within."

Rarity: "No pressure."

Luna nodded. "Twilight Sparkle, this is the gravest thing that I will ever say. Alicorns must, MUST contain their emotions. You must learn to deal with them. I could not do so, and a thousand years ago, I paid the price for my... my weakness.

Author: Jail-time. A life sentence.

Do not, ever, allow yourself to be consumed by hate, greed, anger, vengeance, or fear. Or jealousy," she added, looking down at the floor.

Twilight: That floor knows EXACTLY what she's talking about.

"I... I'll try. I'll really try. I mean, we don't want another..." Twilight hesitated. "Another Night Mare Moon."

Luna blinked sadly. "No. Not ever."

Author: "... But you've gotta admit, the whole permanent night thing was kind of funny."

Celestia sighed. "And yet, this is what I fear will happen."

A few gasps, and then silence.

Pinkie Pie: "Line?"

Twilight found herself on her hooves. "Hey! We're not just going to sit by and watch me be consumed by some evil negative emotion!

Twilight: "We'll stand!"

We're going to do every single thing that could possibly be done to prevent anything like Night Mare Moon from ever happening again! Right?!"

Celestia looked ancient beyond count of years for a heartbeat. She looked at Twilight for a long moment, then said "Well, we'll certainly do everything we can to prevent that. Please. We're getting ahead of ourselves."

Rarity: "Let's start with banishing you to the moon and see where we go from there."

She shifted on her cushion. "Twilight, apart from your new feathered limbs, what else have you noticed that has changed about yourself?"

Twilight considered. "Lots of things. My magic. My... I don't know,

Twilight: That truly was a lot of things.

my personality? I seem to be able to keep my head better.

Pinkie Pie: "Before it was just rolling all over the place!

I, uh, wasn't very good at that at all, was I?" A sheepish grin.

"Although it was thoroughly embarassing for them at the time, the citizens of Ponyville will be laughing about that incident with the doll for years to come," Celestia said,

Rarity: And the readers will be crying as they think back to this story for years to come.

with more than her usual measure of amusement playing about her lips. "Keeping calm in a crisis. A very central part of being an alicorn. Good. What of your magic?"

"My magic is a lot stronger. I don't know how strong, exactly.

Author: 30 Kilowatts?

I had trouble controlling it, at first. Pinkie almost got badly burned when she touched my horn.

Pinkie Pie: And I was kind of flung into a wall. But that wasn't important!

But I read the section in 'So How Exactly Do You Control A Floodgate?' about how to throttle everything right down to zero, and I worked up from there.

Twilight: "It turns out there's a little floodgate in everyone's head, and you just need to let the little pony workers inside to shut off the magic.

I practiced levitating my furniture... I, ah, um. Oh yeah. Heh heh, I might need an advance on next month's stipend for the repairs..." Celestia giggled.

Pinkie Pie: "We don't pay you, silly!"

"Anyway. I teleported my friends here with practically no effort at all. And I... I reached out and touched the sun today. I didn't move it, but I think I could."

Celestia tilted her head towards the small pile of rubble surmounted by a gaping hole. "Why don't you try now?"

Rarity: "Just give me a moment to flee to my shelter."

"Really?" Twilight was flabbergasted.

Author: Every story needs to use that word once.

"Of course. See what you can do."

Twilight stood up. "It'll be surprising. I, uh... I don't look the same when I do it."

Celestia and Luna looked at each other for a moment. Finally, Celestia said, "I think we would very much like to see that."

All: We wouldn't.

Twilight trotted towards the hole in the wall, the other ponies following, staring at the slowly lowering sun.

It is SO WEIRD to look straight at the sun and not have to squint. Alright. You asked for it, Princesses.

Pinkie Pie: "Alright, sun! Staring match, GO!"

A finger of magic exploded out of her horn and streaked off

Twilight: A magic finger exploded out of my horn. I'm scared.

to the unimaginably far-away ball of white-hot energy. She grabbed it. Tested its weight.

Author: Two times ten to the thirtieth kilograms.

Man, that is SO creepy. How can something so heavy be so LIGHT?

Rarity: Is this a trick question?

Rolling her eyes at the unintentional pun, she pushed it below the horizon, extinguishing the day.

Twilight: An alternative method is with a giant fire extinguisher.

No more effort than raising an eyebrow.

How strange to see a night sky so completely devoid of stars.

Rarity: How strange! It's almost similar to the rare event known as a cloudy night!

She pulled it back to where it should be at this time of day.

Well, I hope that didn't creep too many ponies out.

Twilight: "Five is an exceptable number."

And then, the tall, slender

Author: Mane.

, graceful lavender alicorn turned around to face her audience.

Her friends were beaming at her. Spike, who hadn't witnessed her earlier transformation, had his mouth open in a perfect "O",

Author: Let's see what the judges say.
Twilight: I give it a ten.
Rarity: Ten.
Pinkie Pie: SUPER ten!
Author: You heard it, folks, the mouth gets a perfect thirty.

his rapt eyes shining with tears.

"Twilight," he breathed.

Rarity: That's good to note.

"That's amazing."

Twilight barely noticed. Her attention was focused almost entirely on the two other immortal beings in the room.

Pinkie Pie: Which ones?

Celestia and Luna were blazing orbs of sunlight and moonlight. Twilight released her grasp on the heavenly body, and their normal forms reappeared. They looked... impressed.

"I've got a question," Twilight said.

I'm being so bold. That sounded like I just snapped at them. Am I more assertive now too?

Author: Damn it, Twilight, the only thing you said was that you had a question! Just chill!

"Go ahead." Celestia bowed her beautiful head.

Twilight: Um... Thanks for letting us know she has a nice head.

"What did I look like to you?"

"You looked as we look," Luna replied.

Rarity: "Very round and fat."

"Once you grow, you will be a truly beautiful alicorn, Twilight Sparkle."

"Oh," Twilight replied. "It's just, you looked like the full moon. And Princess Celestia looked like the noonday sun."

Author: Oh, I WONDER WHY?!

Realisation seemed to dawn on the two princesses. Without a word, both alicorn sisters began to glow faintly. Twilight guessed that they were both using their most powerful magic, reaching for the sun and the moon.

It must change your awareness. Magic is as magic does, I guess...

Author: "Run, Twilight, run!"

In unison, Celestia and Luna gasped. They stopped glowing and stared at Twilight.

"Well," Celestia began, "that clears that up."

Luna just looked shocked. "That clears WHAT up, Big Sister?"

Twilight: "A fungal infection I've had. Some divine light always does the trick."

"What did you see?" Twilight asked.

"Please, everypony, sit down. Now I know that my fears are not misguided. I will explain as best I can."

Pinkie Pie: "Allow to inform you that YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE! Thank you."

"Wait, what did you see, princess?" Twilight sat down next to Spike again, confusion on her face.

"We'll come to that in a moment," Celestia said, with uncharacteristic brusqueness.

Rarity: Isn't that nice. The story is pointing out when ponies are going out of character.

"I fear for you, Twilight Sparkle. I fear for the future of my land, I fear for my beloved subjects. I fear for my sister. And I fear... I fear for myself."

Author: Bloody narcissist.

Luna's stare at her sister could have shattered solid rock.

Pinkie Pie: It's a good thing the Princess isn't made of rocks, right?

"You know something here that I do not." It was not a question.

Twilight: That's why the period's there and not a question mark.

Celestia looked out the large hole in her wall at the early evening sun, hanging just above the horizon, right where Twilight had left it.

Rarity: It was a few millimeters off.

After a moment, she stood up. "Please excuse me. I will be right back."

Pinkie Pie: "I have to go to the little alicorn's room."
Author: I guess she 's off to sit on her "throne" then! (Smacked by Rarity.)

Trotting over to the doors, she opened one, went through, and closed it behind her.

Twilight shifted uncomfortably. Luna was giving her a very odd look. It was half-sympathetic, half-fearful.

Luna is... afraid of me?

Author: It's a bird! It's a plane! No it's... SUPER SUE! Managing to be superior to everyone else with ease!

"So, Twi'," Applejack began, then coughed. She tried again.

Twilight: The first cough was unsuccessful.

"Twi', you alright? Really alright? 'Scuse me, Princess, but I ain't had a chance ta talk to ma friend since she went fer that little tumble."

Rarity: So you haven't talked in, what? Ten minutes? I think you'll live.

"I'm fine, Applejack. Perfectly fine. Princess Luna, what did you see?"

"Please, Twilight Sparkle. I cannot answer that. Not yet. As soon as Celestia returns, we may be able to... ah, address that issue."

Nopony spoke. Twilight glared at Luna.

Pinkie Pie: "Staring contest! GO!

"I want to know."

Author: "I want an Oompa-Loompa noooooooooooooooooow!"

Luna didn't answer.

"I said -"

"I heard what you said, Twilight Sparkle." Luna's voice was trembling. Twilight's friends had all gasped at her affrontery.

Rarity: Wait, Twilight's being a prick, and everypony is shocked by LUNA?
Author: Uh oh! Looks like the logic train has flown right off the rails!

"I cannot give you the answer to your question. Please! We must wait for my sister! I do not truly know what the vision means!"

Twilight: Luna isn't being very helpful.

"Oh... Oh, I'm so sorry," Twilight said. She felt terrible.

Pinkie Pie: That peace of pumpkin pie was not sitting well with her!

She got up, walked over to Luna's sitting form, and bowed. "I'm sorry for speaking to you like that, your Highness. I, uh..." Twilight stood up again. "I really don't know what has gotten into me!"

Rarity: Bad writing?

Did I just talk to a princess like that?!

Twilight: Uh... Yeah. How dare you apologize. You monster.

Luna smiled. "You do not need to refer to me by title, Twilight Sparkle.

Author: Call me Ishmael.

And please, do not bow. Such things are beneath you. You, too, are royalty now."

Twilight shook her head. "No thanks, Princess. I'm not royalty. To tell you the truth, that's really why I'm here. My friends and I came to tell Celestia that I want to stay in Ponyville, and just keep on leading my perfectly normal life. I'm a perfectly normal pony and that's how I want it to stay. Perfectly normal."

Rarity: "Completely normal, except for being able to move the sun."

Amidst nods of agreement and encouragement from her friends, Twilight sat back down on her cushion and nodded proudly at herself.

Author: That'll do, Twi. That'll do.

"I admire your spirit, Twilight Sparkle. If this is what you wish, then I shall see that it is done. My sister will agree, I am sure."

"Really?!" Twilight had bounded back onto all four hooves. "Oh, Princess! That's all I want! Thank you!" She bounded forward and gave an astonished Luna a hug.

Pinkie Pie: Oh no! All this was leading up to a Twi/Luna shipping!
Author: Stealth shipping, my old foe, we meet again!

"That's what we all want!" put in Pinkie Pie. "We're not gonna lose our friend just because she's all -"

The door opened, and Princess Celestia strode in, a grimy, crusty box floating in her wake.

Author: I think the expiration date for those Fruit Loops is long gone.

There was dirt on her golden shoes. Twilight released a now-blushing Luna and sat back down quickly.

"Little Sister, this was left to me by Mother." Luna gaped. "I know Father may have left certain items to you also. I will never ask you about them."

Twilight: "By the way, what are they?"

Luna had rapidly composed herself. "Of course. The Safeguards are there for a good reason."

Rarity: To keep them safe?

Everypony else in the room just looked bewildered, and a little frightened.

Celestia settled herself back onto her regal cushion and lowered the box to the ground. The top opened, and a very small, impossibly-ancient book

Pinkie Pie: So how old is it?! Five years?! TEN?!

floated out and rested at Celestia's hooves.

Twilight: The poor book. It needs a nap.

Twilight wondered if there had ever been such a profound silence in the entire history of the world.

Author: In 2007, at the national Shh competition, there was a ferocious battle of silence between world champion Fluttershy and newcomer Angel.

"A little family history. Twilight Sparkle, six thousand years ago, with my mortal birth, I became the first alicorn. Three years later, Luna was born, and she, too, had this power."

What?

Rarity: Our reaction exactly.

"You will find this in no history book. Six thousand years is too long to remember, for books at least. Facts become legends, and legends become myths. And myths are scoffed at."

Author: And that's terrible.

Twilight and her friends were barely breathing.

Author: Well, crap. When did GLaDOS start releasing the neuro-toxins?

"Our parents were unicorns. We never knew how, but they could perform the most profound magic. They could see beyond the mortal world, to all the mysteries of the universe. They wrote volumes. They lectured us."

Pinkie Pie: "And we spat spitballs. Good times."

Luna chimed in. "They had guessed that we would be immortal. Indestructable. Ever-lasting. They told us to wait for the founding of Equestria, and to offer our services in raising the sun and moon. We did. We were

Twilight: "Paid $8.00 an hour. It was a part time job, you see."

worshipped as gods." She scoffed. "Perhaps we are gods. I do not know. We shunned such worship and put ourselves into the service of all living things. In time, we became royalty. The descendents of the original founders became royalty alongside us."

Rarity: "Moochers, the whole lot of them."

"Our mother, Starshine, left me this book," Celestia continued. "This foretells of all the things that the universe had told her would come to be." Celestia magicked the grimy box out of the way and bent low.

Author: She went through all that trouble getting the box, and she just gets rid of it!

She touched the tip of her horn to the book.

The book expanded. It was huge, five feet long, two feet wide, and nearly a foot thick.

Author: That's almost as big as a Stephen King novel!

"The last words my mother spoke to me were

Twilight: "Help me! I think I'm about to die!"

" - everypony's mane stood on end as Celestia rumbled something incomprehensible.

Rarity: Rumbled? What is she doing, speaking volcano?

Spike curled into a ball. "A very ancient tongue. What it means is -"

Author: "Eat at Joe's."

"In here you will find the horrors to come. Take heed and avert them, or let them pass untended. The choice will be yours."

Author: "The power is YOURS!"

Every face, except Spike's, was turned toward Twilight. Celestia and Luna looked like they had both just been slapped.

"I understood what you said. And... No, I didn't understand the words. I understood the meaning." Twilight felt her face colouring.

Rarity: Figures. Give a face a box of crayons, and what does it start doing?

"That is exactly what the words meant. I never opened it. I let things happen that I could have prevented, but felt that if this was the way the future must be, I should not interfere. Until... One day I... shall we just say that I have studied this book cover-to-cover for a little short of a thousand years."

Twilight: "It was a light read."

Celestia glanced at her sister. Luna was staring at the book with astonishment.

"You could have... you could have known about... you could have prevented... The Night Mare?"

All: The what?

Luna's voice was fainter than the most insubstantial whisper.

Twilight: But she was louder than the nearly non-existent muttering.

"The past has passed. The future is before us.

Pinkie Pie: "And that present is now a present! Happy birthday!"

I am sorry, Little Sister." A single golden tear tracing down her cheek,

Author: Considering I know of only one other place where gold-colored liquid comes out of the body, I think Celestia should visit her general doctor.

Celestia opened the tome with her horn, flicking to a page about halfway through. "Twilight, can you read this?" The book spun around to face the newest alicorn, and Celestia indicated a short passage in impossibly-small incomprehensible script with a hoof.

Author: The book is written in wingdings.

"Jealousy will allow The Lunacy to claim the younger Eternal Sister. Night will conquer Day, but balance will be restored. A thousand years of sorrow await the bringer of the night, until the friends of the Master of Magic help to redeem her frozen heart to the shepherd of the day." Twilight looked up. "Well, that's kinda explicit. That's about... about my friends and I... bringing Luna back. Back to Celestia." Luna hung her head.

Rarity: Out to dry.

If I'm going to live forever, I'd better learn to deal with my sorrow, too.

Pinkie Pie: Sorrow?! Just think of all the birthday parties you'll have!

"My friends and I are in this book?" Twilight asked, slightly overwhelmed.

Twilight: "Of course! Fluttershy was asked to write the foreword!"

"They are always referred to as 'the friends of the Master of Magic'. And yes, Twilight, you are the Master of Magic herself.

Author: I believe the real Master of Magic is Richard Garfield.

You are all scattered throughout this enormous collection of future history," Celestia finished.

Twilight sat back and allowed her imagination to run riot.

Rarity: The local police were called in to put a stop to things.

Get your head back in the game.

Author: "It's the fourth quarter and I'll be damned if we lose!"

"What's 'The Lunacy'," asked a by-now-thoroughly-confused Rarity.

Twilight: "A plot device."

Luna stood up. Her eyes were closed. She gave a small shiver, opened her eyes, and looked at Rarity.

Rarity: "Sorry, but do you feel a draft in here?"

"The modern term is named after me, Miss Rarity. Lunacy. Moonstruck. The stories of the full moon driving wild creatures mad, and later being applied to ponies that lose their grip on sanity. The original, however, simply means something like 'insanity'. The closest modern word is, indeed, 'lunacy'. There is no reference to me in the ancient word 'sharaheng'."

Pinkie Pie: Well, there's an an A, and an N, so there's half your name right there.

Twilight heard Luna say 'sharaheng', but understood her to be saying 'lunacy'. She stopped breathing as Luna looked straight into her eyes.

Pinkie Pie: Staring contest! GO!

"The Lunacy, Sharaheng Zus, is a spirit of chaos. Not like Discord," she said, as everypony gave a start. "Not external chaos. Internal chaos. We don't know what it is,

All: IT'S INTERNAL CHAOS!
Author: You just said it!

we don't know where it resides when it's not... doing what it does best.

Pinkie Pie: Making pancakes?

But it took me in my jealous rage and it transformed me into The Night Mare. It feeds on the vast stores of emotions that must live within an alicorn forever. Hate, rage, anger... jealousy. It overcomes the will, it..."

Author: "Makes you post silly things on your Twitter!"
Pinkie Pie: "Hey everypony! I'm on the moon again today!"

Luna sat down. "I cannot speak more of this." She looked at Celestia. "I begin to understand, Big Sister. It's in there, isn't it?" She pointed a silver-shod hoof at the enormous book.

Celestia closed her eyes and nodded slowly. Her horn ignited

Twilight: That's what she gets for using gasoline as a horn cleaner.

and the pages began to flip in reverse order, one after another, like a

Author: Boss.

torrent. They stopped at the very first page of the ancient volume. There was only one single line, right in the very centre of the enormous page.

Twilight: Quick! What's its slope?!

"Twilight Sparkle," Celestia said, very quietly, "would you please read the very first line that my mother wrote into this book?" Her eyes were still closed.

Rarity: "I can't read it myself, since I glued my eyes shut by accident."

She's trembling.

Fear. A hot, violent, burning fear, rising up in Twilight's throat. She tried to force it down. She couldn't.

Pinkie Pie: Try a glass of water, that always helps!

Just read it. There's nothing that the princesses can't do. Especially now that I'm here as well. Whatever it is, it's not the end of the world. Calm. Calm.

Her fear subsided just as fast as it had arisen.

Really nice thing, being an alicorn. I can calm down just so easily.

She leaned forward and looked at the very first line of the oldest book in the world,

Author: The second oldest was porn. Go figure.

a line written in a tiny, completely illegible script that she could still understand perfectly.

Rarity: I believe that would make it almost-completely illegible script.

She cleared her throat and read aloud:

"The third Eternal Sister will embrace The Lunacy and destroy the world."

That was it. There was nothing else. There was no "and this will be prevented via steps A, B and C." Just one simple statement.

Twilight: At least Celestia's mom got straight to the point.

Twilight sat back on her haunches and looked around the wide, circular room. Fluttershy looked as if she was about to faint.

Author: As if that's worth noting.

Pinkie Pie was crying. Rainbow Dash had her eyes closed and her hooves over her ears. Rarity seemed to have passed out.

All: GAH!

Applejack looked like someone had just kicked her square in the muzzle. Spike was curled into a ball so tight, it was perfectly spherical.

Author: Spikeus Aran in morph ball form.

Twilight looked towards the princesses. They were both shaking.

Open fear. The princesses - THE PRINCESSES - are both completely terrified. And they're showing it.

Twilight: Remember when we said that Twilight had become the ultimate Mary Sue before?
Rarity: I think the Mary Sue test has just burst into flames.

"What did you see? What did you see when you looked at me?"

Neither sister answered.

Twilight got to her hooves and drew in a very deep breath. "WHAT DID YOU SEE?!"

Rarity: No need to shout!

Both royal alicorns hung their heads in unison. Again, for a fleeting instant, Celestia looked every day of her six thousand years. And for the first time, Twilight noticed, so did Luna.

What is this what is this what is this what is this

Author: A fragmented sentence?

They both looked up. They looked at each other. They looked at Twilight.

Pinkie Pie: They looked for the readers, who'd run off long ago.

Celestia started to speak. No sound came out. Luna spoke for her.

"We saw the world in flames, Twilight Sparkle."

Rarity: I'm sure she means that in the best poosible way.
Author: Chapter break. Let's take a moment to recover.

---

Pinkie Pie: He writer was right! This IS the expositionary chapter!
Twilight: Joy...
Author: So, that was curious. I never knew that Celestia and Luna had a regular, non-immortal mom.
Rarity: I don't think any of us knew that.
Twilight: Hey, Pinkie Pie, any chance we could get Princess Celestia to talk to us over the monitor?
Pinkie Pie: I'll see what I can do! (To the TV) Hey Rainbow!
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) I heard her. Let me try putting her on screen...
(TV turns to static for a moment, before screen displays a new image. The riffers can only see Celestia's wings, as she has her back to the screen and seems to be hunched over in front of a computer screen.)
Celestia: (From TV) Let's see... Then, after the chapter with Fluttershy, I'll have Twilight and me have a showdown in a clearing, with Luna and Trixie ready to activate their trap, using Twilight as bait... (Begins typing rapidly) Yes, that's DELICIOUS...
Rarity: Um... Your highness? (Celestia's sits up in surprise, and begins looking frantically around for the origin of the voice. Turning off the computer monitor, she spins around, finally noticing the TV.)
Celestia: (From TV) Oh, uh, Twilight Sparkle! My most prized student! To what do I have the honor of your call?
Twilight: Sorry to bother you, but we were just wondering about your, um, your origins, you see.
Author: We were reading some story, and we learned that you and Luna had a mortal mother, about six thousand years ago or so.
Celestia: (From TV) I did?
Rarity: Apparently.
Celestia: (From TV) I don't seem to recall any of that.
Twilight: Maybe you just have a lapse in your memory?
Celestia: (From TV) It was a long, LONG time ago, I can guarantee that. My memory is a little fuzzy. I do remember something about a unicron. And fire. Lots of fire.
(The riffers exchange glances.)
Author: Alright, I think I'm regretting this immensely...
Twilight: Um, Princess? I think we should go.
Celestia: (From TV) Wait! Don't you want to know about my early childhood? What about when I went through puberty?
Author: Ah! Uh, the signals breaking up!
Pinkie Pie: Yeah, uh, shtzzzzzzz!
Celestia: (From TV) What are you talking about? My end is perfectly- (Rarity unplugs TV)
All: ...
Twilight: On with the story then?
Rarity: On with the story.

---

Not My Destiny

Twilight: I’m starting to develop a suspicion about the contrary.

by Smayds

Author: Brand ketchup.

Chapter 6 - Terminal Velocity

Rarity: The means the story isn’t going to get any better…

"Come ON, Twilight! It's the easiest thing in the world!" the blue pegasus shouted down from fifty feet in the air.

Pinkie Pie: “I can touch my nose with my tongue EASY!”

Twilight shifted her hooves nervously. This wasn't like her balloon.

Pinkie Pie: She stole my balloon!

And it wasn't at all like a pegasus chariot. SHE would be doing the flying, and if she stopped flapping her wings, she'd fall out of the sky.

Author: Give this pony a medal, she’s a physics genius!

So then I could just teleport down to the ground. Or I could probably just hit the ground at a hundred miles an hour and not feel a thing.

Twilight: “Who would’ve thought being a god would make everything so boring!”

Maybe not a good idea. I might hit something important.

Rarity: "Like one of the few remaining readers."

She shook her head slowly and exhaled, her nostrils flaring wide. Something vaguely rainbow-coloured was moving about in her field of vision.

I am doing the right thing.

...Right?

Pinkie Pie: What, flapping your wings? If you want to fly, then yes!

Friends. She needed to spend time with her friends.

Because soon they'll just be memories along with everypony else...

Stop that. That won't happen.

Author: Um... Yes it will. That's the thing about being immortal. Suck it up.

"I SAID, ARE YOU READY TO TAKE OFF YET?"

Twilight blinked. Rainbow Dash had been flapping up and down barely three inches from the end of her muzzle, and she hadn't noticed. "Huh?"

"Jeez, Twilight." Dash dropped to the ground. "You're, like, a million miles away."

Twilight: "Okay, so it's more like three inches, but still...

"A million... huh?"

"You got a lot on your mind. I know. But come ON, Twilight! You're starting to cut into my nap time!"

Rarity: And then Twilight zapped Rainbow with her horn. The end.

The corners of Twilight's mouth twitched. Then, the first grin she'd worn in days hitched itself onto her face. "Cutting into your nap time? It's ALWAYS your nap time, Rainbow Dash!"

Author: Oh! Burn!

Laughing, Dash flapped her wings and hovered about a foot off the ground. "Heh heh, yeah. That's about right... You gonna at least try flapping your wings or something though? See what it feels like? Because," she finished with a wink, "I could be napping."

Author: Um... Counter burn?

Twilight smiled. She could concentrate on anything she wanted to now, she supposed. She could stop concentrating about that... that other thing.

Pinkie Pie: She kept thinking she left the oven on!

Stop. Flying lesson.

Twilight stretched her wings out to her sides and gave them a few slow experimental flaps. "So, most of this is going to be balance, right?"

Author: You need about 20% more balance.

"You read 'Elementary Flight Control', didn't you?" The singular circumstance of Twilight borrowing a book from Rainbow Dash was probably going to be a talking point for years.

Twilight: Wow, we really don't have that much to talk about, do we?

There might not be years...

STOP. IT. Flying lesson!

"Cover to cover. I've got it memorised."

Rarity: "Very well. Repeat it back to me."

"Great! I'll catch you if you fall, just keep your head up, and keep beating your wings. You'll find your rhythm.

Author: To the tune of "Canvas Bags", by Tim Minchin.

Jump when you take off, it makes it easier. You need to find your balance more than anything. Ready?"

Twilight nodded. She tensed her legs to spring, then lifted her wings high for that first powerful downstroke.

Woah. Woah. Hey, now, this, I like...

She was two hundred feet in the air -

Author: But how did she solve the icing problems?

"Hey! You're supposed to just be doing circles around the meadow, not trying to set some new altitude record on your first flight!" Rainbow Dash complained.

Rarity: Because two hundred feet is SO high!

She was about ten feet off to Twilight's right, her wings moving faster than Twilight's slow, easy beats - but then, while extended, Twilight's wings were nearly twice as large as the pegasus pony's own.

"Rainbow Dash! I love this! I LOVE THIS!"

Author: Ugh. I think Twilight's going to have a flygasm or something.
Rarity: Twilight/Wind clop-fic.
Pinkie Pie: If a brony can write one about Rainbow Dash and a cloud, they can do this, too!

Twilight closed her eyes and just kept flapping, the glorious, refreshing wind blowing her mane and tail, seeming to take more and more of her terrible worries for the future away with every gust. She opened her eyes and beamed at Dash.

This is flying? No wonder Dash is hardly ever on the ground. This is great!

Yeah, now you can just fly happily along and watch the world burn beneath you...

Twilight: "Mind, you take the fun out of everything!"
Author: "Sorry, I can't help it."

Her wingbeats faltered for the tiniest instant.

No. NO. Stop that. FLYING.

Rarity: Twilight isn't going to let something as silly as the plot stop her from flying.

"Twilight, you're just flying straight up. You need to be going forwards!"

Author: "Take the parking break off!"

Twilight leaned forward at the right part of her stroke, just like the book showed. Her head went down, her tail went up, and she flipped onto her back.

Author: This is the only time I'm ever going to say this, but DON'T do a barrel roll!

A flash of red. She stood on the ground, shaking slightly. Looking up for Rainbow Dash, she saw the cyan pony streaking back towards the ground.

All: Ahh!
Author: Put some clothes on!
Twilight: Wait... We don't wear clothes, why are we disgusted?
Rarity: It's the principle of the thing.

She was yelling something.

Well, best to just get back up in the saddle, I guess.

Twilight: Considering everybody is ponies, that is the weirdest analogy I've ever heard.
Author: I guess Twilight Sparkle wants to "mount" another pony!
Rarity: ... You're disgusting.

Beating her wings again, she leaped lightly from the grass of the meadow into the air. Slower this time. Ten feet. Twenty feet. Thirty feet. She met Rainbow Dash at forty.

Pinkie Pie: "Knock knock!"
Twilight: "Who's there?"

"That."

Twilight looked at Dash. "That what?"

Pinkie Pie: "Oh, you messed up the joke!"

"That. That was..."

"What?!"

"AWESOME! Twilight, that was TOTALLY awesome! You're never gonna get a dopey nickname if you can just teleport yourself out of a crash!

Author: I can think of a few...

Oh man. I wish I could do that!" Dash looked so impressed that Twilight couldn't resist.

"So, are you saying that you're NOT the most awesome pony in all of Equestria?"

"'Course I'm still the most awesome pony in all Equestria. Nothing changed there!"

"So..."

"Twilight. You are HARDLY just a pony any more. You're royalty. That doesn't count." Twilight coloured,

Rarity: No! Not on the wall, I just cleaned it!

and Dash added "But don't you think I'm gonna start bowing and scraping and saying 'Ooooh your highness can I please please kiss your hooves' or anything like that. You're Twilight. You're my pal. And Celestia said you don't need to take the titles anyway."

Twilight: "That's right, Rainbow! Oh, and before I forget, prepare me a royal sandwich, knave!

Twilight felt a bit better. Her friends, at least, would never consider her royalty. Oh, they joked about it, but never anything serious. They all wanted Twilight to stay in Ponyville too.

"Let's just keep flying, uh, straight up for a while, Rainbow. I like this."

All: We could tell.
Pinkie Pie: I hope she doesn't pass out from the excitement.

"Yeah, we're not really that high. When you start to feel chilly, we'll head back down and work on manoeuvres."

Not to say that actually managing to stay in Ponyville was proving particularly easy at the moment... The only alicorns that anypony even knew about - well, at least until a week ago - were Celestia and Luna, and it seemed that everypony's immediate reaction to an alicorn was to assume they were royalty.

Twilight: "Now everypony is calling me Princess! It's UNBEARABLE! How will I survive?!"

Well... You didn't even know there have only ever been two winged unicorns either, until last week. If a strange alicorn turned up in town, you'd have thought she was a princess. A relative of Celestia's. You would have bowed.

Now, I guess, you'd just try to suck them dry of magic, just like you did to Luna...

Author: ... What.

Stop that. That's not even true and you know it.

How strange that an alicorn's kneejerk reaction to a spell being used on them was to pull all of the spellcaster's magic out through their horn.

Author: "If you have a horn full of magic, and I have a horn full of magic, and I'm an alicorn. And my magic reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to suck up your magic... I... suck... your... magic! (Makes a sucking sound.) I suck it up!"

You had to suppress the urge to do so, if you didn't want to knock the unfortunate unicorn out, or worse. Admittedly, a fairly useful ability to have, especially in Equestria's earlier days of assassination attempts and the like.

Rarity: Is that canon?

Luna, of course, was far too magically powerful to be harmed in this manner, and the result of Twilight's subconscious yank on Luna's spell had just massively increased the force, in Twilight's direction, of the gentle shove Luna was giving to everypony. No, you couldn't do this to an alicorn. But as far as unicorns were concerned...

Thank goodness I was out cold when Rarity levitated me downstairs that first morning. If I'd been awake, I could have subconsciously killed her.

Rarity: That would have been most unfortunate.

I wonder what it'll be like to consciously kill her?

Twilight: Um... What a twist?

Squeezing her eyes tight for a moment, Twilight smiled over at Rainbow Dash, who really did look impressed. This was only her second flight, after all, even though they were just flapping lazily upwards. Twilight directed her thoughts back to some of the stranger reactions she'd experienced in Ponyville over the last week.

Pinkie Pie: "That one reaction where a stallion walked smack into a pole was priceless!"

Mrs. Cake just couldn't stop herself from addressing Twilight with "Your Highness." Pinkie, bless her crazy heart, had told Mrs. Cake that Twilight wasn't a princess, but then, giggling a pink streak, had gone on to say that Twilight would throw anypony who called her a princess into the royal dungeon. So it was Her Highness at Sugarcube Corner for the present.

Rarity: It was FAR too much effort for Twilight to actually tell the Cakes they could just call her Twilight.

Sigh.

What will you force the screaming masses to call you as you burn them alive?

Author: Trollestia is already taken, so I guess they'd call you "Twoll".

Stop. It. Think about flying.

"Hang on. This balance thing."

"Yeah?"

"The best thing is practice, right?

Author: And steroids.

And the higher you are, the longer you can fall, and that means you have more time in a single fall to practice balance and poise and centre-of-gravity?"

"Yup. Just remember, it's not the fall that kills you."

Pinkie Pie: "It's the horrible embarrassment you get from everypony laughing at you!"

"The sudden stop at the bottom can't really kill me either, Rainbow Dash."

"Yeah. That's gotta be the weirdest thing, right?"

Twilight: Teleporting is awesome. But I guess being immortal is just a bit odd.

"This is going to be weirder. Wait here, I'll be right back."

Twilight teleported herself ten thousand feet straight up.

This is HIGH.

Rarity: Brilliant deduction!

Her eyes slammed shut as panic roared in her ears.

Pinkie Pie: It sounded like a tiger, RAWR!

You can teleport yourself safely to the ground any time you want. You can probably survive a fall from this height without even a single bent feather. You just flew, on your own, for the first time in your life. And you loved it.

Twilight: Thank you for the recap of the chapter.

So. Open your eyes. You have to do this. You KNOW how to do this - you have that whole book memorised. It just takes...

"PRACTICE!" Twilight's eyes flicked open. She wasn't level. She stopped flapping, holding her wings straight out. She dropped like a rock, the wind howling through her ears.

Stay. Calm. You. Can't. Possibly. Fall. To. Your. Death. So. BALANCE!

Rarity: You. Can. Over. Use. Periods. However.

She shifted her body's centre of gravity by moving her legs. Then she started rolling her body underneath her wings.

Heyyyyyyy...

All: Hey!
Pinkie Pie: How's it going?

She was pointing nose-first at the ground, plummeting downwards. She banked to the left, accidentally rolling completely around once before getting that back under control. The wind in her face was exhilarating, the pure rushing speed was almost a drug.

Author: I wonder if she can hook me up with a good dealer.
Twilight: She said ALMOST a drug.
Author: Does that mean I can get it over the counter?

I've never felt anything like this in my entire life...

Pinkie Pie: "Except for that one time with the helium balloon, but that doesn't count!

She pitched back a little. She could see the meadow far below, just to the southeast of Ponyville. There was a tiny blue speck...

Twilight grinned. She aimed.

Author: Bam!

The tiny blue speck grew into an anxious-looking blue pegasus with an unruly shock of multicoloured mane. She was circling at about fifty feet, looking up and down, obviously trying to see where Twilight had got to. She didn't see the rapidly-approaching lavender blur until it passed under her at a distance of three feet, and a speed of about two hundred miles per hour.

Rarity: I hope she's good at stopping.

Rainbow's shriek filled Twilight's ears as she flared her wingtips up very sharply and rocketed back into the sky. At the top of her brief climb, she flipped over backwards and began to flap again, rolling level, slowing herself down, and approaching the stunned pony standing in the middle of the meadow.

Twilight: Well, I seemed to have mastered flight in the course of a few paragraphs. I'm sure all the pegasi who work their whole lives to achieve such brilliance won't be annoyed at all!

As Twilight came in to land, wings beating up dust and leaves,

Pinkie Pie: Hey! Pick on someone your own size!

she took one look at Rainbow Dash's face and knew that every single prank that this particular pegasus had played on her had been worth it. Disappearing ink, itching powder, whoopee cushions, hoof-buzzers, super-spicy cupcakes, everything. They had all been worth it for that look.

Author: "This is the tower. You have clearance to land.

Twilight's hooves touched down. She ruffled her wings and folded them neatly against her sides. She grinned at Rainbow Dash.

Dash's expression was priceless.

Rarity: In that case, try taking it to an auction.

Her mane was blown every which-way, her feathers were rumpled, and her tail was stuck straight out in awe.

Author: Is that normally how ponies express awe?

Finally, she managed to make her jaw move. She mumbled a bit.

"Well?" Twilight asked proudly. "How'd I do? On the Rainbow-Dash-And-Pinkie-Pie Prankometer, where do I score?"

Pinkie Pie: I'd give it a 3.8. There wasn't enough planning involved to really say "prank", and overall there was a pretty lukewarm reaction in terms of laughs from both the pranker and the prankee. And there was no rubber chicken involved!

Dash shook her head. "We need another scale. That was so far off the chart, that was, like, like..." She couldn't seem to find the words. "I'll never prank you again. I could never top that!"

Twilight: Being better then Rainbow at both flying and pranking... check.
Rarity: What's that?
Twilight: My Mary Sue checklist.
Author: Oh really? What's checked off?
Twilight: Better question; What isn't checked off?

"You should see your mane," Twilight smirked.

"You should see yours! If you're gonna do those kindsa speeds, you'd better get a style like mine! Neatly-brushed fringes do not go well with that much speed!"

Rarity: My industrial-strength hairgel would like to disagree.

They were still laughing an hour later when they flew to the town square for smoothies. Last week, Twilight would have just walked. Yesterday, she would have teleported. Today, she was going to fly.

Author: Tomorrow, she was thinking of taking the bus.

Not only was this the best feeling in the world, she'd also managed to pull one of the biggest pranks ever on one of the biggest pranksters around. And the elation she got when soaring that fast pushed almost all of the very dark thoughts straight out of her mind.

Twilight: It seems like I'm trying to forget the plot.
Rarity: SO are we, but it isn't working.

Almost all.

Author: There was still that one about the application of coals on another pony's face.

She didn't tell Rainbow Dash that she couldn't decide whether to loop underneath the hovering pegasus, or smash straight into her back, impaling her most loyal friend upon her rapier-sharp horn, until she had only been about ten feet away.

All: ... WHY?!
Author: This is killing me! WHY is she suddenly getting murderous thoughts?! I know there was that prophecy and all...
Rarity: And those thoughts about what it would be like to consciously murder somepony...
Twilight: But that doesn't explain why she's following through instead of going out of her way to not do it!
Pinkie Pie: You all are looking for explanations? Silly ponies! You won't find any here!
Author: Oh well, at least some bronies could clop to the wingasm that Twilight had...
Twilight: You will never talk about that ever. Again.
Author: But...
Twilight: EVER.
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We've got break sign!

Next Chapter: Not My Destiny: Chapters 7 and 8 Estimated time remaining: 44 Hours, 38 Minutes