Author: Okay, so where were we?
Rarity: Twilight passed out.
Pinkie Pie: Again.
Twilight: Well, it was really only shuddering.
Author: Eh, close enough.
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We got story sign!

Not My Destiny

Rarity: If it isn’t my destiny, then why am I here?!

by Smayds

Author: Brand hotdogs.

Chapter 3 - Much More Magical

Twilight: Not My Destiny, made with thirty percent more magic.

They had her back out on the couch, still curled up, but not shaking any more. The five mortal ponies in the room cast worried glances at each other,

Rarity: The realization of how mortal one is does tend to cause such sentiments.

and at their potentially newly-immortal friend.

Author: She has to apply before becoming recognized as truly immortal.

Everypony felt uneasy about something they couldn't quite put their hooves on.

Pinkie Pie: That sun, brony. I DON’T TRUST THAT SUN!

Predictably, it was Pinkie Pie who brought up the elephant in the room, in the way that only Pinkie Pie could.

Rarity: With a party?
Twilight: A poorly placed fourth wall joke?
Author: With subtlety, right?

"Okay, we'll just have to hold off on the party until later, that's all. So tell me! Is Twilight really an alicorn?! Huh? Huh? Is she? Is she gonna help Celestia and Luna

Twilight: What would I be put in charge of raising? Or would I raise the moon and the sun part-time?

rule Equestria from the castle in Cante-"
Everypony gasped.

Rarity: Including Pinkie, who was just going along with the crowd.

Twilight gave a shudder, but then lay still again.
"Oh no," Pinkie said in a very small, very sad voice.

Pinkie Pie: “Hey! Let me out of this voice! It’s cramped in here!”

"We'll never see her again!" Rarity wailed. "Of all the things that could happen!"

Rarity: “This is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE THING!”

"Now hold on a minute!" Dash said, with heat in her voice.

Author: “YOL TOOR SHUL!”

"Twilight lives HERE. In PONYVILLE. Sure, she grew up in Canterlot, but this is her HOME."

Twilight: “Don’t you UNDERSTAND? I’m putting EMPHASIS on certain words so you’ll get the POINT.”

"We ain't lettin' her go without a fight," Applejack almost growled.

Pinkie Pie: “To arms, bronies!”
Author: “Tonight we dine in hell!”

"The Princesses can't just come and take her away! I won't let them!" Fluttershy shouted, then immediately squeaked and tried to hide behind Spike.
"Why would Celestia want to take Twilight away from Ponyville?" Spike asked. "Like Rainbow Dash said, this is her home now. Where her friends are."
"Spike!" Rarity said. "You woke up? How do you feel?"

Author: “My ass hurts for some reason. What about you?”
The Other Three: ...
Author: What? Too mean?

"Fine, now," Spike grumped. He didn't sound fine.

Pinkie Pie: I don’t think any pony who just “grumped” sounds fine!

"I just had a shock, you know? And I did run pretty hard to get you ponies here. I am just a baby dragon."
"Spike, do you know anything about what's happened to Twilight?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Author: “It’s simple. Twilight Sparkle has been taken to a place where all things are possible. She’s now in… The Twilight Zone.”

"Not a clue. They're definitely alicorn wings. They got a certain feel to the feathers.

Twilight: “Notice the leathery feel, and the slight smell of almonds.”

Right after I touched them this morning, I think I had a bit of a meltdown. I mean, come on! Twilight's gotta be an alicorn! Explains why her magic's so powerful, huh?" Spike offered.

Rarity: “I mean, it’s not like she could be that powerful naturally! Um… Twilight, what’s with the angry glare?”

"Anyway, when I came round again, Twilight was out cold herself, so I sprinted for help."

Author: “I set a new record for the “Help, My Friend’s an Alicorn” dash.”

"D-d-d-d..." Twilight murmered. Her eyes fluttered open.

Pinkie Pie: C’mon! Just say Daddy!

"Twi'?" Applejack asked, deep concern in every feature of her expression.

Rarity: Except her eyes. There was pure hatred in her eyes.

"Spike... D-definitely alicorn wings?"
Spike looked anxious. "Feel like alicorn feathers to me, Twilight." He rubbed his wrist with his other hand.
"Don't let it get you down, Twilight! We're all here for you and we'll help you and we won't let the Princesses touch one hair of your mane!" Pinkie Pie said with uncharacteristic

Author: Run-on sentences.
Pinkie Pie: Actually, that's in character!

seriousness as Twilight started to shake again. "Speaking of which, you really should brush it out. I almost can't see your pointy new horn!" Pinkie giggled, then poked a hoof at the tip.

Pinkie Pie: “OW! It’s sharp!”

BANG.

Author: “Everyone down! This is a hold-up! I’ve got a magic horn and I’m not afraid to use it!”

Wailing in pain and shock, Pinkie flew violently through the air

Pinkie Pie: I’m an alicorn now too!

and smashed into a bookcase. Everypony else shouted in surprise. Twilight leaped from the couch and moved with surprising speed

All: Ahh!
Rarity: I was surprised!

towards the smoldering pink heap that had slid down the wall to the floor.
"PINKIE!!!"

Twilight: “How dare you mess up my books!”

They all crowded around Twilight. She was shoving books off Pinkie and turning her over, rubbing her face. "Pinkie! Pinkie!"

Author: “I know this is a bad time, but could you help me look for a book I need?”

Fluttershy bent an ear to Pinkie Pie's slightly-smoking chest. "She's breathing. Her heart's beating. Oh my goodness!"
"Owie-owie-ow!" Pinkie said, shaking her head. "Oooh!"

Rarity: I think she’s in pain.

"Pinkie! You're alright!" Twilight gasped. "Are you hurt? Anything broken? Should we get you to the hospital?"

Author: On this episode of Ponyville General Hospital…

Pinkie sat up, now shaking her head violently.

Pinkie Pie: “Get back! I have a head, and I’m not afraid to use it!”

"I think I'm okay. Wowie, Twilight, what was that? That hurt! My Pinkie Sense sure didn't see that one coming!"

Author: Badum-Tish.

She looked at her hoof. There was a small black burn-mark right where she'd touched Twilight's horn. "Oochie! Lucky that's on my hoofsie! That coulda really hurt otherwise!"

Twilight: Imagine if she tried butt-stomping her.

"The party hat!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "Twilight, you didn't make it catch fire on purpose, did you?"
"What? On fire?" Twilight asked with a confused expression.

Rarity: Her wit is fast as a whip.
Twilight: Why’s Rainbow Dash so smart in this story?

"I put a party hat right over your horn and it went up in flames! I thought you were just adding a really nice touch to the decorations, but then you went and curled up," Pinkie explained.
"Wait, wait. This morning... I went to brush my hair..." Twilight said quietly.

Author: Oh no, she’s going to recap the entire story from the start!

She ignited her horn and telekinetically poked the bronze pony-head bust sitting on the centre table. It rocked back and forth. "Feels the same as ever," she said. She picked it up.
Her aura was still deep red.

Rarity: That’s what happens when you mix different auras in the wash!

She glanced up and saw the same colour surrounding her horn... But it was definitely brighter than it had ever been. Sharper. And those little motes of light...
The bust groaned.

Pinkie Pie: “Ugh… Put me down, you stupid pony!”

They all looked at it.

Twilight: “What? I don’t have a zit or something, do I?"

With a deep, metallic crunching sound, the hollow bust collapsed in on itself.

Author: She created a black hole in the bust!

Shrieks all around.

Author: My treat!

I've never been that... strong before!
Twilight swayed on the spot as the realisation threatened to overwhelm her.

Author: Luckily she had a can of mace on her, and sprayed the realization in the face.

I've never been anywhere near that powerful...
"Twilight, dear, is it correct to assume that you... did not mean to do that?" Rarity asked.
"Rarity! I've seen you levitate dozens of things at the same time! You're really good at telekinesis! Could you have... squashed this bust?" Twilight asked, waving the still-groaning piece of metal in front of her.

Pinkie Pie: “Stop that! First you collapse me, and now I’m gonna be air sick!”

"Twilight! Please! I can lift dozens of things like ribbons and fabric and needles and thread and scissors at once, and I could cheerfully lift that bust,

Rarity: “But I’d only be able to crush it begrudgingly!”

but I couldn't have CRUSHED it! It took all the effort I had to levitate you downstairs this morning!"
I'm TOO strong.

Twilight: “It’s my curse, being better than every other pony! Woe is me!”

"I couldn't have crushed it yesterday either," Twilight said. "I'd have to use a spell designed to crush it... Not just ordinary levitation.

Author: So… What you used just now wasn’t technically levitation then.

I did the same thing to my hairbrush this morning as well. Telekinesis... Telekinesis. Hmmm." She reached up and tapped the tip of her horn.
"Twilight! No!" shouted the entire room.

Pinkie Pie: The room! It speaks!
Author: I guess you could say it’s a “living room”. (Punched in the face by Twilight.)

Nothing happened. Twilight poked it a few more times. It felt a bit... warm. "It's attached to my forehead, girls. I'm sure it's only if something else comes into contact with it. Looks like I can't control my magic at the moment."

Twilight: Change to a different tense. Maybe that’ll help.

Because you've never had any reason to learn how to control this much magic before.

Pinkie Pie: Okay, who keeps talking in italics? Show yourself!

"Spike! I need 'So How Exactly Do You Control A Floodgate?'

Author: By “Wit A. Switch.”
Rarity: Front cover artwork done by “Let Mii Throo”.

It's around here somewhere!" She grabbed a book off the top shelf with her horn, and it exploded into dust.

Twilight: If I can’t control my magic, how’d I pick it up in the first place?

"Oh! Right. Spike, looks like you'd better, uh, try to find it."

Author: Oh, that Twilight!

"It's over here! Don't grab it!" Spike called, zipping down a ladder and trotting over with a book that was almost as big as he was.
"Floodgates? What in the hay?" Applejack asked.

Rarity: Do you want to know what a floodgate is, or what’s in the hay? Take your pick!

"It's a metaphor. It means how to control the amount of magic you're using. Most unicorns don't need to know how to do that," Twilight said pensively as she turned pages with a hoof, "but I did. And I can't remember how to, uh, throttle it right down.

Author: This is why you should really learn stick shift.

Aha!"
Twilight read voraciously. "I need to keep my mind off certain things at the moment, girls.

Twilight: “And so I’m reading about something that’s metaphorically related to what I’m trying not to think about! Don’t worry, you don’t need to tell me how smart I am.”

If I keep thinking about them, well... I think I'll have another breakdown. And we want to avoid that for the moment. I need to figure out how to really screw my magic down to a trickle,

Author: The mighty kitchen faucet of magic.

and then I think we're all going to go and pay Celestia a visit."
"What?!" from two or three ponies.

Rarity: You wrote the story, Smayds. You should know how many.

"No way!" from Rainbow Dash.

Twilight: “Thanks for the “No Way!”, Rainbow Dash. It’s what I’ve always wanted!

"She'll make you live in the castle and never see us again and you're our friend and I'll miss you so much and..." Pinkie trailed off.

Pinkie Pie: “I’m sorry, what were we talking?”

Twilight looked up from the page and over to her. Pinkie's face was sadder than Twilight had ever seen it.
"I'm not going anywhere, girls! I need answers! I need them fast.

Author: “Welcome to “Fast Answers”, can I take your order?

And the only pony that can give them to me is Celestia!"

Rarity: “Or Luna! But she’s not really that important”

---

Author: Alright. We made a lot of progress this chapter. And no one passed out. That's a good sign.
Twilight: What progress?
Rarity: Pinkie exploded and all the characters talked about what may or may not happen.
Pinkie Pie: Progress!
Author: True. But we've discovered that she's an alicorn.
Twilight: But we already knew that. We saw that she had both wings and a horn in chapter one.
Rarity: You know. Between all the dropping unconscious moments.
Author: Well, alright. So what did this chapter accomplish?
Pinkie Pie: We got to see things EXPLODE! Is that good enough?!
Author: I guess so. I wasn't expecting an action fic coming in, but hey, whatever works, I guess.
(Buzzer sounds)
All: We've got story sign!

Not My Destiny

Twilight: Just in case you forgot the title, it’s still here!

by Smayds

Author: Brand detergent.

Chapter 4 - Her Majesty

Twilight Sparkle stood on the ground in front of the barn at Sweet Apple Acres. It worked. She'd done it.

Rarity: She’d finally gone outside and gotten some fresh air!

Then she heard the thuds.
Five disheveled ponies were picking themselves up off the ground, while Spike, standing, fought to contain his laughter.

Twilight: He put up a good fight, too.
Author: The ol’ sand in the eyes trick worked like a charm.

Applejack actually looked like she might be sick. "Woah, Nellie," she said, standing on unsteady hooves. "Mah stomach must still be back at the library!"

Rarity: We’re here today to mourn the passing of Applejack, who died from internal bleeding.

"I didn't like that," Fluttershy said in a very small voice. "Oh, I really didn't like that."
"Really? I LOVED IT!" Dash exclaimed, doing a backflip. "Twilight, that felt like I was going about a million miles an hour!"

Author: “The cops didn’t even spot us!”

"Right, so I can levitate things safely. At last." She stifled a small sigh, thinking about her ruined furniture. "And I can teleport. And I can teleport really far. And I can teleport lots of other ponies with me,"

Twilight: Alternative sentence; “And I can teleport really far with lots of ponies with me.” Saves about ten words or so.

Twilight finished. "I don't think I'm too much of a danger to be out and about any more. Just one more test!"

Rarity: “Keep in mind, this test counts as thirty percent of your final grade.”

Fluttershy opened her mouth to say something - and then promptly fell over on the wooden floor of the library.

Author: “Mom! The connections between Fluttershy’s brain and her nervous system are all messed up again!”

"Wait, Twilight, I think I'll just... walk back. Oh."
Everypony else had arrived standing, this time. Applejack still looked a bit sick. Dash was in the air when they had left the farm, and hadn't actually re-landed yet. Pinkie Pie was crosseyed.

Pinkie Pie: That wasn’t because of the teleport. I’m just usually like that.

"Oooh, Twilight! That really is the funniest feeling!" Her eyes slid back into focus. "What next?" Pinkie, in particular, had been having the most fun out of all of them. A true party pony at heart, having hundreds of magical spells and tricks being tested around her was like letting a foal loose in a candy store.

Author: Yeah, if the candy was all laced with drugs.

Or even, like letting Pinkie herself loose in a candy store.
"Like I said, just one more test. I need to see just...

Rarity: Dramatic pause.

how far my magic can go." She trotted up the winding staircase to the highest balcony, and magicked open the doors.

Twilight: Is it really too much to just use the handle?
Author: :Ladies and gentleman, I believe we have a new verb in our midst.

Nice to be able to do that again without turning the doors into splinters.
Her friends emerged onto the balcony behind her, some, like Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, looking eager and excited. Applejack looked wary. Fluttershy looked downright terrified.

Author: The readers were looking at their clocks to see how much time they wasted reading this.

Pinkie bounced over to her and gave her an enormous hug. The terror in Fluttershy's eyes seemed to get worse.

Rarity: I suppose Pinkie Pie can be quite frightening at times.

"Now don't you worry, Fluttershy! We're doing this to help Twilight! Our best friend!

Twilight: “In case you forgot!”

She's so scared about what's happened to her that if she even thinks about it, for just ONE MEASLY SECOND, she goes all scaredy-shakey and squeezes herself into a ball! So let's just keep helping to distract her!"

Pinkie Pie: Exposition for everypony!

Thanks a bunch, Pinkie. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...
"Right. So. You know that, before Celestia and Luna, Unicorn ponies raised the sun and moon every day. And it would take hundreds and hundreds of them working together to do it?"

Author: “The pegasi tried helping too. It was fine when they tried moving the moon, but moving the sun ended up being very messy…”

"We were all in that holiday pageant, Twilight," Rarity offered. "You think you..." What she was saying hit her.

Rarity: “OW! See if I ever say you again!”

"You're going to try to move the SUN?! What if something goes wrong?!"

Twilight: “Oh, c’mon. I’m just fiddling with the sun. What could POSSIBLY happen?”

"I'm not going to try to move the sun. I'm going to try to touch it."
"Oh, no no no!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Twilight, you'll burn yourself!"

Pinkie Pie: “I don’t think we’re going to have enough burn ointment if that happens!”

"Touch it TELEKINETICALLY, Pinkie." Pinkie's blank expressions were never the same twice. "Like, with my MAGIC."
"Ohhhhhhhhh. Okie-dokie!" she grinned, then bounced up to the railing to watch the show.

Author: She wouldn’t miss an episode of “Guiding Light” for anything!

"Are you shure, Twi? I mean, ya really wanna go pokin' the sun with yer mind, like?"
"Why not, Applejack?

Twilight: Because you have absolutely no clue what you’re doing?

Celestia does it every day. And ordinary unicorns used to do it once. But a single unicorn can't possibly reach the sun on their own."

Author: I get it! To be close enough to the sun to move it, all the unicorns would stand on each other’s backs!

"Biggest test possible, huh? Well it IS you, sugarcube." All the same, Applejack still stepped back a pace or two.

Pinkie Pie: Which was it? Make up your mind, Smayds!

"Right." Twilight looked directly into the sun. The automatic reaction to squint... wasn't there?

Rarity: Don’t ask us.

I'm staring directly into the afternoon sun with my eyes wide open and I can see it perfectly and quickly before I lose my nerve...

Author: “Normally it pisses me off so much I have to look away.”

Igniting her horn, Twilight reached out.
And out.
It's SO far away!
...Oh.
Well, that feels... creepy.

Pinkie Pie: “The sun feels like a peeled grape!”

She knew that the thing she was touching with her magic was impossibly remote, impossibly hot, and impossibly... enormous. She could feel how to grab it, how to fling it around the sky, how easy it would be to...

Twilight: “Burn every pony alive, ha-ha-ha! Oh, sorry, wrong genre.”

Better not. Want to get Celestia's attention, not the attention of all of Equestria. This is the creepiest thing I've ever done.

Author: “Well, not as creepy as that one time involving the age-reversal spell and Spike…”

"Now that is CREEPY," said Rainbow Dash.
"How do you know what it feels like?" Twilight asked in alarm,

Rarity: “I was turned into an alicorn the other week. Kind of boring, actually.”

looking around. "Dash... Why are you so small?"
"Uh, no, I mean you, Twilight..."
She was looking down at all of her friends. She glanced down at the balcony. Still standing on it. So she hadn't started floating, or anything like that.
"Twilight, you're... so big! A-and your mane!" squeaked Fluttershy, clearly terrified.

Twilight: If you just look at Fluttershy you know she’s terrified.

A wisp of indigo smoke drifted over one of Twilight's eyes.
"Oh my, darling! You look... You look amazing!" Rarity cried. "You look like Princess Celestia!"

Pinkie Pie: True, but now she’s probably going to have the irresistible urge to troll.

Twilight craned her neck around and looked at her tail. Behind two enormous upraised wings, a tight, toned waist and shimmering flanks,

Author: Hey, you! Want a nice toned waist and shimmering flanks? Sign up for a membership at “Alicorn Gym” today!

a sparkling sheen of violet hues that seemed to waft there instead of hair. And she was looking at her tail down a...
...a long lavender muzzle...
Twilight released her hold on the sun in shock. The world seemed to get bigger - all of her friends shot up in height.

Author: Oh crap! She has the power to trigger puberty!

The wood under her hooves got closer. Unruly purple hair flumped down over her right eye.

Pinkie Pie: This hair doesn’t play by the rules!

Well, this is sure starting to add up to that thing that I don't want to think about because if I think about it then I start shaking and... Stop it. Stop it. Calm. Cool. Collected.
“Okay," Twilight said, turning to face her friends. The looks on their faces were almost as creepy as the feeling of holding the sun with her mind. "I know what I'm going to do. Somehow, something to do with... with whatever happened to me last night, something's letting me seem to cope with crisis.

Rarity: Darling, it’s not working too well.

And I'm getting better and better at it every time I start to get all... Well. You know I've never been very good at that before," she admitted, somewhat sheepishly.

Twilight: Good at what? Identifying what’s creepy?
Rarity: Providing narrative in italics?
Author: Pretending to be Ant Man?

"Sugarcube, when everythin's goin' peachy, yer jus' peachy yerself.

Author: If live gives you lemons, then blow it up with magic.

But we ALL know that when our good friend Twilight starts gettin' all flustered-like, we all gotta step up to the plate,"

Rarity: I think in this case they’re all swinging and missing.

Applejack said firmly. "Same as you'd do fer any'o us."

Twilight: “No I wouldn’t- I mean. Yes. Yes I would.”

“Yes, I know, I know, and I think having you here with me today is what's making me cope! I... I'm terrified." Twilight looked at her front hooves. "I really do think that I'm an alicorn. There's no doubt, really. Not any more. Not after...

Pinkie Pie: “I read the plot summary of the story.”

after that..." She looked up at her friends, couldn't hold their gaze.

Author: It was too slippery.

"I think that I'm going to have to go and help rule Equestria," she told the floor.

Rarity: “That’s nice, but when are you going to get around to sweeping me?”

Pinkie Pie let out a sob. Twilight looked up. The bubbly pink earth pony had sat down, legs akimbo,

Twilight: The usage of that word just caused me to become incredibly depressed.

and was openly weeping. "N-n-nuh-not going to let that happen."
Oh, Pinkie...

Author: “Just try and stop me, puny mortal!”

Twilight walked to her happiest, saddest friend and pulled her into a hug.

Twilight: “Get in the hug, damn it!”

Then more tears came, from Twilight, from Applejack and Rarity holding each other and bawling, soft sobs from Fluttershy, choked whimpers from Rainbow Dash who'd grabbed hold of Twilight and Pinkie, then they were all holding each other, sobbing, shaking.

Rarity: This tree-library is getting a very good watering.

Muffled words and bits of phrases came through the sobs to Twilight's ears.
"Yer not g-goin'."
"We, we love y-y-you, T-t-t-t..."

Author: “Hey, mail pony here, I’ve got a package to deliver, and I need someone to sign- Oh, bad time?”

"I CAN'T LOSE A FRIEND! I CAN'T! I CAAAAAN'T!"
Everypony was so surprised, they stopped crying. As the others backed up, Twilight lifted a choking, gasping Pinkie Pie off the floor

Pinkie Pie: CPR! STAT!

where she had just thrown herself, and into another hug.
What is this?

Author: I don’t even-

Twilight knew that Pinkie was pretty insecure about herself, and the outer veneer of joy and happiness was paper-thin.

Pinkie Pie: I am?

She valued her friends more than anything, because... Because...
Because she didn't have friends as a filly either. Just like me. And now she does, and she's... She's scared to death that she'll lose them...

Pinkie Pie: “Oh, Twilight, my only friend!”
Rarity: “What about us?”
Pinkie Pie: “Shut up, Rarity!”

Well. Maybe now I can do something about that.
Twilight looked into Pinkie's swimming eyes.

Author: They won three gold medals at the Olympics a few years back.

Pinkie must have seen something on Twilight's face, because she stopped sobbing and sat back, gazing at her.

Twilight: “Twilight. Hold very still. There’s a black widow right on your face.”

As the tears dripped off the end of Pinkie's muzzle, Twilight spoke, first to Pinkie, then looking around at the rest of her very best friends.
"But if I really am a princess, then I can do pretty much what I like, right? And if that means that what I want to do is to stay RIGHT HERE" - she stomped a hoof on each syllable –

Author: So it sounded like this; "But (stomp) if (stomp) I (stomp) real(stomp)ly (stomp) am (stomp) a (stomp) prin(stomp)cess(stomp), then (stomp) I (stomp) can (stomp) do (stomp) pre(stomp)tty (stomp) much (stomp) what (stomp) I (stomp) like (stomp), right (stomp)? And (stomp) if (stomp) that (stomp) means (stomp) that (stomp) what (stomp) I (stomp) want (stomp) to (stomp) do (stomp) is (stomp) to (stomp) stay (stomp) RIGHT (stomp) HERE (stomp)".

"then that's what I'm going to do. Even if it means telling Celestia that... that she can take her lessons and rules and everything else and just shove them! Because I am NOT leaving my friends!"

Twilight: There! Conflict solved! Is the story over?

The joy on Pinkie Pie's face told her that she'd made the right decision, whatever were to come from it.

Rarity: That’s just how you should judge your decision, based on Pinkie Pie’s reaction.
________________________________________
"Now, are ya sure? Ah mean, REALLY sure about this?" a very flustered Applejack was saying.
"Really, really sure. I've been practicing, haven't I?

Author: “If by practicing, you mean sitting in front of the TV all day and eating hay chips, then yes.”

Nothing bad happened when we went to your farm, did it?"

Pinkie Pie: “Well, all the trees DID start square dancing…”

"'Ceptin' we all fell over. Now that's all fine an' dandy, sugarcube, but Canterlot is one heck of a lot further away than Sweet Apple Acres!"
"It's not the distance. I could only teleport a hundred feet or so before. Now I could... I could probably teleport to the moon." Twilight shook off the feelings that last thought gave her.

Twilight: The feeling of asphyxiation?

"Ah'm not sayin' Ah won't do it. I'd do anythin' fer you, Twilight, you know Ah will. But is burstin' in on the princess really such a good idea?"

Rarity: Randomly breaking into the residing monarch’s bedroom? What could go wrong?

"Probably not. But this is pretty serious."
"It's an awesome idea, Twilight! I mean, she won't really be angry at us, right?" Dash asked. Twilight could tell that she was much more worried about this trip than her demeanour showed.

Pinkie Pie: Hey Rainbow Dash! Your demeanor’s showing!

"No idea. Only way to do it, though.

Rarity: Couldn’t they just knock and ask to come in?

So, are we ready?"
"Oh my goodness, no!" Rarity trilled, trotting forward with a hairbrush. "We're going to see the princess! And your mane looks like an absolute disaster area!"

Author: We’re talking radiation and everything!

"Hey, nothing touching my horn, remember!"
"But Twilight!" Pinkie sang out,

Author: Broadway presents, “Pinkie Sings!”.

bouncing right up to her. "You can turn it off now, right?"

Twilight: That’s what the on/off button is for.

"Yeah, I guess so. But nopony touch it. I'll try to turn it all-the-way off, then somepony tap it with something,"

Author: I’d tap that. (Smacked by Rarity.)

Twilight said, gesturing around at the various torn cushion covers and smashed wood from her earlier experiments with lifting the furniture. She concentrated.
Wow, this is hard.

Author: That’s what she- (Tackled to the ground by the three other ponies)

"Anything?" she asked, eyes screwed shut.

Pinkie Pie: Her ears were nailed shut.

She felt something tap the tip of her horn.
"Well, I'm not smacking into any more bookcases!" Pinkie giggled.

Rarity: She didn’t need Twilight’s help to be doing that anyway.
Pinkie Pie: Hey!

Twilight opened her eyes and saw a grinning Pinkie Pie

All: Ahh!
Author: Scary!

with a hooftip to her horn. "Pinkie!" Twilight gasped, stepping back from her quickly. The million little pinpricks of light reignited and danced around her horn.

Author: It was the most magnificent mamba any pony had ever seen.

"Well, those little sparkly things all went out, so I figured, why not!" Pinkie picked the hairbrush up in her mouth.
"Oh, really, dear, you should let me..." Rarity trailed off as Pinkie started to brush the crazy tangles out of Twilight's mane.

Rarity: And into the nearest psych ward.

"PINKIE!" Twilight yelled, quickly closing her eyes and concentrating. The little motes of light winked out. "Tell me when you're finished. This is really hard!"

Twilight: “I mean, yeah I can move the sun at will, but THIS?”

"Mmmkie-dmmkie-lmmkie!" Pinkie mumbled cheerfully around the hairbrush.

Rarity: What was that?
Author: Something about otter frocks.

Okay. I think I can hold it.

Twilight: “Whoops! Nevermind…”

"Spike?"
"Twilight?"

Twilight: “I need you to clean up the Pinkie Pie that’s now decorating the walls.

"Take a letter."
"With pleasure!" Spike whipped out a quill and scroll.

Author: Where does he keep those?

Dear Princess Celestia,
I must speak with both yourself and Princess Luna urgently.
My friends and I will be in your chambers in thirty seconds.

Rarity: Starting now or when Princess Celestia finishes reading?

]Your very, very worried student,

Pinkie Pie: “Who’s VERY worried…”

Twilight Sparkle.

Author: P.S. Could you order some pizza, cause none of us have had dinner yet.

Pinkie stepped back to admire her handiwork, just as a burst of green fire and smoke slipped out of one of the many smashed windows. "There! Now you don't look so frizzy-wizzy-headed!"

Rarity: But frizzt-wizzy-headed is in this year!

"Well, that should get her attention." Rarity sounded skeptical.
"But Twilight's mane looks just the same as always! Why would that attract attention?" Pinkie was the very picture of bewilderment.

Twilight: She turned into a photo! The horror!

"The letter, dear."
"Oh! Silly me!"

Author: Oh, that silly Pinkie Pie!

"Rarity, I don't have a choice!" Twilight's mane looked like it was about to snap back into scrunchy tangles of its own volition. "I'm going slowly crazy here, in fact I don't really know why I haven't completely snapped a hundred times today,

Rarity: Because that would be interesting to read?

I have to concentrate like mad to stop magic leaking out of me, I have wings - WINGS! - and I need answers before I completely lose it. Ready?"

All: No.

Everypony looked worried.
"Ready?"

All: We guess so…

"We're ready, Twilight. We'll do whatever we have to do," Fluttershy said. "Even that... teleport thing again." She closed her eyes and shook with terror.

Twilight: The inside of one’s eyelids ARE quite frightening.
Rarity: Maybe she’s scared of the dark.

"Yeah! We'll back you up!" Rainbow Dash vowed.
"Anything for a friend, dear," Rarity managed to say without a waver in her voice.

Rarity: She better be careful if there's no warranty then.

"Let's do this, Twi," Applejack said,

Author: “LEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY...”

a look of determination spreading across her face.
Pinkie Pie just nodded. There was more determination on her round pink face than Twilight could ever have believed her capable of.

Twilight: Okay, where’s the real Pinkie Pie, and who’s this replacement?
Pinkie Pie: I’m here, silly! Scootaloo’s my stand in!

"Alright," Twilight breathed,

Author: That’s good to note.

"just a little bit... That's about right... Now focus, Celestia's big chamber,

Author: In the highest room of the…

tallest tower..."
Glowing red energy, shot through with winking motes of light, appeared around the six ponies and one dragon.

Twilight: Unfortunately these were six ponies and one dragon from the next town over.
________________________________________
The scroll arrived in a burst of green fire. Celestia looked up in surprise,

Pinkie Pie: “A letter!? THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!”

snagging it out of the air with her magic.
"...Urgently... thirty seconds... worried? Twilight!"

Rarity: “Spike needs to work on his penmanship, I can only make out those five words!”

She walked to the door of her private chambers, pushed it open with her magic,

Author: Use the knob, you lazy bastard.

and poked her head through, her multicoloured pastel mane floating through after her. "Guards," she called to the two pegasi in ornamental armour

Author: It had Christmas ornaments, garland, and tinsel attached!

outside the door, "Is Twilight Sparkle in the castle?"
"Not that I know of, your Highness," one answered.
"I know not, your Highness," chorused the other.

Twilight: “We’re not really guards. We’re just here for decoation.”

Celestia frowned. "Very well. If she or her friends arrive, see them in at once. Please send for my sister, I wish to speak with her in my chambers."
"Yes, your Highness," this time in unison.

Pinkie Pie: They practiced all day for that!

One pegasus lifted off and streaked down the corridor, to deliver the summons to Luna.
Closing the door, Celestia was just about to reach for a scroll to send a letter back through Spike, when, with a blinding flash of deep red light,

Twilight: As opposed to shallow red light.

six ponies and one baby dragon exploded into being in the centre of the large round room.

Author: AMC presents, “The Son of the Big Bang”.

"Twilight Sparkle!" said Celestia, shocked. "You teleported here from Ponyville? With your friends? Nopony is that powerful!"

Rarity: “Well, except me, but I don’t want to brag! Say, want to see my trophy wall?”

The others were all down on bended knee, looking at their own front hooves. Twilight and Spike remained standing.

Author: Spike don’t kneel for no bitch!

"Princess," Twilight began.
"Not to mention, teleporting into a chamber protected by ancient magic against just such an intrusion!"

Author: You should get the warranty checked on that magic.

A look of beaming admiration was spreading across her face. "My most wonderful, talented student! Once again, you prove my faith in you in the most unexpected -"
Twilight unfolded her wings and raised them above her head.

Twilight: “Teacher? I have a question.”

Celestia sat down on her haunches so fast, it happened in a blur. "Oh, my," the princess whispered.

All: What did you say?

It must be the day for it. Very slowly, Celestia's beautiful magenta eyes rolled straight back into her head, and she toppled to the side.

Pinkie Pie: Twilight gets a promotion now!

Pandemonium. Twilight reached her first, Fluttershy close on her hooves.

Author: So much for the “fastest flier in all of Equestria”.

"Princess! Princess Celestia! I think she fainted!" Twilight gasped.

Rarity: “For air, since all that running was a lot of work."
Author: I knew it! SOMEONE had to pass out eventually!

"We should get some guards, or..."

Twilight: “Just sneak out quietly.”

The chamber doors opened, and a midnight-blue alicorn trotted into the room, an irritated look on her face as if she wanted to complain about something.

Author: “Celestia! Stop sending me pony porn in my email!”

The look evaporated as she caught sight of her sister,

Twilight: The look then proceeded to sublimate, condense, then rain back down onto Equestria providing nourishment to plant life.

lying awkwardly on the stone floor, surrounded by unfamiliar ponies.

Author: "Sister, you aren't in the middle of one of those clop-fics again, are you?"

The seconds stretched by. Rainbow Dash coughed. Princess Luna blinked at Twilight's wings.

Rarity: “So… Read any good books lately?”

As Twilight felt her body smash through the thick stone wall of the tower,

Pinkie Pie: That was clumsy!

the entire chamber exploded in a deafening concussion of deepest midnight.

Author: So… She was angry?
Twilight: She's not the only one...

---

Rarity: I couldn't tell, did Twilight pass out from the impact of smashing through a wall?
Twilight: From the looks of it, she's an alicorn now, so the only time she's going to pass out is if she sees her unicorn pupil grow wings.
Pinkie Pie: So, in other words, whenever she sees the plot of a dark-fic unfold?
Author: Basically.
Twilight: Come to think of it, this hasn't been too dark.
Rarity: That's because we're so used to reading the likes of Sweet Apple Acres and Rainbow Factory.
Author: This is Sesame Street in comparison.
Twilight: So far.
Pinkie Pie: Shhh! You can't talk about Rainbow Factory!
Rarity: Why not?
Pinkie Pie: Because! In the perspective of MPPT3K's continuity, that hasn't happened yet! We're still on chapter six, and that's like... chapter fifteen, or something!
Author: All of those assembled who care?
Pinkie Pie: Me!
Author: All those who don't?
Rarity, Twilight, and Author: Us!
(Buzzer sounds)
All: We've got break sign!

Next Chapter: Not My Destiny: Chapters 5 and 6 Estimated time remaining: 45 Hours, 17 Minutes