Author: Holy crap, I can't believe it...
Rarity: Is it almost... over?
Twilight: It feels like we've been riffing this for months! (All exchange glances.)
Pinkie Pie: But this is it! The final chapter!
Rarity: Indeed! Well, the final chapter, aside from the epilogue.
Twilight: And the two alternate endings.
Author: Hey, at least the writer didn't make a super grim dark ending, right?
Twilight: Okay, so, last time we ended we a huge battle about to start.
Rarity: And Fluttershy recruiting dragons to her cause.
Author: That was probably the best part.
Pinkie Pie: So let's get started! We've got story sign!
Twilight: Pinkie, it didn't-
(Buzzers sound.)
Twilight: Nevermind.

---

Not My Destiny

Rarity: Okay, okay, I believe you!

by Smayds

Author: ... What?
Pinkie Pie: Aren't you going to make a joke about his name?
Author: Why would I do that?
Twilight: Because- Oh, never mind.

Chapter 11 - Good Night, Goddess

Rarity: "But it's not time to go to bed yet!"
Twilight: "Princess..."
Rarity: "Just let me banish one more demon! Pleeeeeaaaase?!"

Night Mare Moon opened her mouth to speak to her sister and the remaining Bearers, but before she could enunciate a single sound, she was rudely interrupted by a rainbow-maned sky-blue pony colliding at high speed with her armoured head.

"RAINBOW DASH!" a chorous of voices shouted.

Author: "No, no, no, that was off key! Try again!"

"NIGHT MARE MOON!" a lone terrified pegasus shouted.

Night Mare Moon closed her eyes and gently screamed through tightly-clamped jaws, while the pink earth pony grabbed the terrified rainbow-blue blur and whispered urgently into her ear.

Pinkie Pie: "Once you finish getting all the ingredients, we can use Twilight as an oven to bake the cake!"

She stood up."If we have all finished?!" she said, her voice in a slightly scarier pitch than she had intended.

Twilight: 1864.65 Hz.
Pinkie Pie: Oh, that IS a scary pitch!

"Wow, Rainbow Dash! What happened?! Did you find the dragons?! Did ya?! Huh huh huh?" Pinkie Pie was leaking enthusiasm all over the cave.

Rarity: Bah, now we need to get into contact with a plumber.
Author: It's-a me!
Rarity: ... What?
Author: Nevermind...

"Sure did, Pinkie Pie! Princess Celestia! I got a really important message from Fluttershy." The speed demon stood tall on her hooves and made herself look as important as possible.

Twilight: I'd say she's about... Captain of the Guard level of importance.

"We've got dragons! They'll fight for Equestria!"

There was a fairly shocked silence following this statement. Finally, Applejack ventured forth.

"Dragons? Y'all found DRAGONS?"

"Lots'a dragons!" Rainbow dash chortled, doing a rather un-recommended aerobatic manoeuvre within the tight confines of the cave.

Author: That maneuver is not recommended by the Surgeon General.

"We've got two of them on our side, and Fluttershy thinks she can get at least one more! Oh man, that pegasus is CRAZY! I mean, seriously... Oh, you had to be there! Oh! Oh! Pinkie Pie! Fluttershy said I had to bring you back with me! She needs another, uh, I can't remember what she said. Another, uh, cowgirl, I think!"

Pinkie Pie: Oh, I'm flattered, but shouldn't Applejack be doing this?

Pinkie's expression blazed with happiness.

Twilight: It seared with joy.
Rarity: Roared with excitement.
Author: Burned with gladness.
Pinkie Pie: My face feels warm...

"Oooh! I could do that! I've always wanted to fly! Ever since I got my cutie mark, Mom always said that I kept bouncing around everywhere so fast all over the place, I shoulda been born with wings!"

Author: And lo! It is canon!

"Alright, my little ponies," Night Mare Moon said. "I believe that a plan has come to light. It seems that Twilight Sparkle can briefly contain the beast. Very briefly, mind you," she said to the suddenly surprised faces in the cave. "We shall give Twilight Sparkle what she wants. We shall present her with some of her friends, and then we will see how she reacts."

Twilight: Ah, nothing like the tried and true method of scientific experimentation.

Celestia's expression told everypony exactly what she thought of this plan.

Pinkie Pie: It's not THAT bad, is it?

Night Mare Moon seemed to have anticipated her. "We will not risk anypony. We... I... That is, I did not set out to explicitly harm a single soul in my madness of a thousand years ago. I could not do so now, as I could not do so then."

"I never doubted that you could, Little Sister," Celestia said after a brief silence.

Author: *cough* Liar. *cough*

"Please, if you have a plan, share it with us.

Twilight: "We will proceed to review it, consider it, then reject it."

If you will pardon the rather uncouth phrase, I've got buck-all to work with here."

"Rainbow Dash." The Mare of the Night stared the technicolour pegasus

Author: Good. I hate ponies in black and white.

square in the eye. "Along with your very ebullient pink friend,

please, take this message to Fluttershy." She spoke on for a few moments. "We will wait for your signal, and then Celestia will get the other ponies. Are we agreed?"

There were nods all around the cave. Rainbow Dash sat upright and saluted.

Author: Heh. Rainbow Dash stars in "Pogan's Heroes".
Pinkie Pie: Why does that reference feel old and dated?

"Sure thing, Princess!" Flapping back into the air, she picked up Pinkie Pie with her front hooves. "By the way, your Highness? You look awesome, you know!"

Twilight: Is Rainbow hitting on the Princess?
Rarity: "So, Princess Luna... Do you have anything scheduled for after the apocalypse?"
Author: Hey, don't give the shippers fuel.

Grinning, Night Mare Moon spread her enormous wings and swirled her magical mane. Every pony in the room felt a thrill of terror, which was quickly dispelled as they remembered she was fighting with them. They hoped.

"Fly jus' as fast as ya can, Rainbow Dash!" Applejack called as the pegasus whipped up the cave,

Author: Did she suddenly become Indiana Dash?
Pinkie Pie: Or Daring Dash.
Twilight: Rainbow Doo?
Rarity: Does Daring Doo even use a whip?

the delighted squeals of the pink earth pony growing rapidly faint.

Pinkie Pie: (gasps) I'm dying! Get a medical team, stat!

"Alright then, Little Sister," Celestia said. "Let's put this plan into action. The deadline has passed, and I feel nothing trying to attack the sun. I'm not really sure she could do it, but we can't risk that." As Night Mare Moon nodded, she turned to Applejack and Rarity. "Are you ready to try to save your friend?"

Rarity: If I was to say "no", would it make any difference?
________________________________________

An earthy-orange pony

Author: When did Caramel get here?
Pinkie Pie: No, silly! He's caramel colored!
Author: Oh, then I guess I have NO clue who this is.

picked her way carefully through the smashed and scattered rubble of Ponyville. The indigo-maned unicorn that followed her was somehow ignoring the dirt and dust that accumulated on her pure-white hooves.

Author: When did Sweetie Belle get here?

They rounded a ruined windmill, and saw her.

Lying on the ground before them, blood-red tears streaming from her eyes, a regal-looking alicorn

Author: When did Princess Celes-
Twilight: Stop.

writhed and thrashed in the shattered street. Her enormous horn was ablaze, her vast wings smashing into the ground so hard that they were cracking the flagstones of the road on which she lay.

Rarity: No! That flagstone was my favorite character!

"Twilight?" the earth pony asked.

"Twilight, are you alright?" the unicorn chipped in.

Rarity: Always happy to lend my negotiating skills to a conversation.

The change was immediate. The thrashing alicorn leapt bolt-upright, visibly shrinking in size as she resumed her natural form. The vast discharge of magical energy from her horn shrank to little more than a tiny glow.

Twilight: So, by normal, is that regular unicorn normal, or regular alicorn normal?

"Applejack? Rarity?"

A lavender blur caught the two ponies around their necks, pulling them into a deep embrace. "Oh, I've missed you! I've missed you! Where's everypony else?! Are they okay?!"

Author: "Please note their locations in pen on this map I have with me! You can go into their weaknesses next."

"They're fine," the earth pony said. "Twilight, what are you going to do with us?"

"What am I gonna DO with you? Oh, Applejack! I'm not going to do ANYTHING with you! It's so good to have you here! I can

Twilight: "Now test how far I can twist your head before it separates from your body!"
Rarity: That's horrible!
Twilight: Oh, come on, you don't really think she's back to normal, do you?

concentrate, I can block this thing off for as long as I want! It's in my mind but I know where it lives! I can beat it! I really can!"

"Twilight Sparkle, I am very sorry to have done this. I really am. I never intended to deceive you," the apple-marked pony said.

Rarity: That's precisely why I went and deceived you."

Twilight looked her farmer friend in the face. "What... Applejack, you don't sound like... Applejack..."

Pinkie Pie: "You didn't get a new voice actor, did you?"

Applejack and Rarity approached Twilight and Night Mare Moon's two mirages. "Twi', we're over here. Princess Luna wouldn't let us near you without makin' sure you weren't gonna just, well, you know. Just try an' attack us, like." As she spoke, "Applejack" and "Rarity" dissolved into blue smoke and dust. "But we're here now, sugarcube. And we ain't leavin'. We're here for ya, come Hell or high water."

Rarity: Or a murderous alicorn, but let's not talk about that.

"I, um." Twilight looked stunned. "I thought that you weren't, uh, you. But I know you're you now!" The small purple winged unicorn swept the real Rarity and Applejack into a powerful hug.

Author: That'd be a brilliant master stroke if she killed them with a hug of death.

"So, ah, Twilight, dear, what do we do? Well, I mean," Rarity said, "I suppose it really is you in there?" She looked thoroughly petrified.

Rarity: "Actually, I'm Steve. Twilight's out getting groceries at the moment."

"Oh, Rarity. Of course it's me! I told Luna to get my friends! My friends make me stronger! I know where It is, and I can put a barrier spell around It! But, uh," Twilight seemed to sag slightly. "It really does take it out of me. I mean, you shouldn't be here in, uh, about twenty seconds from now. If it finds you..." The lavender alicorn's eyes widened.

Pinkie Pie: She just remembered she left muffins in the oven!

"Hey! We got ourselves a plan!" Applejack said. "If we tells y'all what we're gonna do, can that thing in yer head find out about it?"

Twilight shook her head. "It only knows whats going on in the present. Like, It only sees what I see. Through my eyes. I've got It in my magic cupboard right now,"

Rarity: "Right next to my magic cinnamon and magic hazelnuts."

Twilight chuckled. "Tell me anything you want, and as long as I don't think about it too hard, It's in the dark. What I need is a distraction. If you and the rest of the girls were there, and I got REALLY distracted -"

Author: Don't even get her STARTED on those little laser pens!

"Well, alright then!" Applejack said. "Okay, we're gonna try and catch you. Like, hold ya' until we can use the Elements. And we got ourselves a real doozy of a distraction!

Twilight: It isn't Pinkie singing a horrid song, is it?

That alright with you?"

"It'll be so dangerous with you all there," Twilight said, a look of desperation coming into her face. "I might, uh, I might kill you."

Rarity: "Meh. We've been through worse."

"Oh darling! Don't you worry yourself about that! Just promise me this one thing," Rarity said.

"What? Promise you what?" Twilight's eyes were starting to dilate.

Author: What's she been smoking?
Pinkie Pie: Duh! Poison joke!
Twilight: Oh, don't even get started on that...

"Hey, uh, girls, I don't think I've got too much longer here."

"Don't worry, Twilight. Just promise me something, alright?"

"Of course!"

Rarity: She hasn't even said what thing thing was!

"When it comes, you promise me that you'll fight tooth and hoof to get yourself back. Promise me?!"

"Okay, okay! Okay, Rarity!" Twilight was starting to twitch and shudder. "I promise! I'll... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

Author: Damn it, thwack her upside the head! Seems her brain's crashed again!

"You jus' save yer strength, okay?

Twilight: Make an initial investment in the bank, that use the intrest and CD's to increase your savings over time.
Author: You kidding? In THIS economy? Not only that, but there's an obesity epidemic as well!

We'll be there to save ya!" Applejack and Rarity were backing up rapidly.

"I promise, girls! I promise! Get away! It's coming baAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Pinkie Pie: Twilight! This is no time for your sheep impression!

The earth pony and the unicorn turned tail and fled as fast as they could. Flames erupted behind them as Night Mare Flare took flight.

"WHERE ARE YOU? YOU WERE JUST HERE! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Rarity: They're only a hundred feet away or so! You should see them!

Twin white-and-gold and black-and-silver blurs smashed into the towering flaming alicorn. Celestia and Night Mare Moon together grabbed It and threw the Thing

Pinkie Pie: I guess that's easier to type than "Night Mare Flare".

as hard as they could, straight upwards. They followed on its hooves, pressing the attack. They had to get Night Mare Flare as high as they could.
________________________________________

"Wheeeeeeee! This is fun!" Pinkie Pie shouted over the roar of the wind and the tremendous beating of massive wings.

"It's not supposed to be fun, Pinkie!" Dash called back. "We're supposed to be saving Twilight! But yeah, this is fun!"

"Eyes on the prize, girls!" Fluttershy shouted. "There they are! Rainbow Dash! The signal!"

Pinkie Pie: Sounds like fun!

The multicolour-maned pegasus leaped upwards from the neck of her steed and rocketed into the sky.

Author: She has cleared the dragon, I repeat, she has cleared the dragon.

Tipping over high, high above into a dive, her wings beating so fast they were a blur, she did what she absolutely, positively did better than any other pony, because no other pony had ever done it. Her special talent, a talent as rare as Twilight's total mastery of magic, something that no other pony, ever, had been best at.

Twilight: Tiddly-Winks?

This was far from a trivial task - she'd only done this twice before, after all - but the lives of every living thing in the world were at stake, and also, more importantly to her, her friend's life was at stake.

Author: You know what I'm hungry for right now? Steak. (collective groans from other ponies)
Rarity, Please, Author, you've been merciful with the puns so far. Don't start!

In such a situation, the most loyal of friends found that the required power and speed came easily. Her light-blue wing feathers nearly caught fire as she accelerated, straight down, through the speed of sound and far beyond, passing Mach two, Mach three, Mach four...

Author: Ludicrous speed! Go!

As the blinding explosion of panchromatic light shattered the night sky above them,

Rarity: Oh bother, now we need a new one.

Fluttershy drew in a very, very deep breath. She pointed at the raging battle dead ahead and, as the rapidly-decelerating Rainbow Dash flew back to resettle herself onto her mount,

Twilight: I can't tell if that had a point or not. Did the Sonic Rainboom have a point?
Pinkie Pie: I guess we're going to find out!

let forth the loudest sound she would ever make in her life.

"CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!"

Rarity: I'd say that's in the top ten, maybe top five, but I wouldn't say the loudest.
Author: Are you kidding me? It's not loud at all! It's a word on a computer screen!

Following the Sonic Rainboom's spectrum-shattering visual shockwave all the way in, three of the most enormous dragons that Equestria had ever seen,

Rarity: I'd say that they're in the top ten, maybe-
Twilight: Stop.

complete with screaming, whooping ponies clinging to their backs, flew faster than the fastest winds towards the battle for the fate of the world.

Pinkie Pie: Am I the only one concerned about how the poor wind feels at being upstaged?!
________________________________________

Twilight knew what was going on. It was like watching a film.

Twilight: Or reading a story about yourself.

She saw herself grabbing and thrashing Celestia and Night Mare Moon, throwing them away from her, trying to hurl them to the ground far below, ripping and tearing uselessly at their indestructible flesh...

Rarity: Actually, it isn't their flesh that's indestructible. It's the massive amount of styling gel they use to maintain that wonderful shine on their coat.

She was fighting with all her might to not allow her magic to be seized and pulled from her by the other two alicorns, so as not to accidentally strengthen one of the spells she was raining on them.

Pinkie Pie: (singing) I'm singing in the spells... I'm singing in the spells...

And she was pulling as hard at their magical attacks as she could, making them far stronger, far more devastating upon her.

It wasn't going to work. She'd win.

All: Aww...
Rarity: If you just tell us the ending, it takes all the fun out of it...

She'd destroy the sun so everything slowly froze to death, and then she'd start to take the world apart piece by piece to find the Bearers.

Twilight: I don't suppose she could just kill them by letting them freeze to death, right?

A vast rippling sheet of pure rainbow blasted across the sky above her. Paying it no heed, she saw Celestia dive for the ground, moving faster than she'd ever seen the Princess move. She ignored that, too. Concentrated only on Night Mare Moon.

Author: Is this a good time to point out "Nightmare" is only one word, and Smayds brand whipped cream has been spelling not one, but two names wrong these past four or five chapters?
Rarity: I think you're a tad late.

Enormous teeth closed around her.

Dragon teeth.

Magical teeth.

She was caught, in huge, indestructible, magical teeth. They were crushing her. They might even be able to penetrate her magical hide.

Twilight: If a bit from a dragon was all it took, we should've gotten Spike in here ages ago!

Magic is as magic does...

Author: Tom Hanks in "Twilight Gump".

Vast claws were raking along her back and wings.

Rarity: "Once you're done with the leaves, just throw them all in the Everfree Forest!"

The echoes of pain shouted through her mind as she twisted, fighting back, lashing the dragon with blistering fire, allowing herself to forget that dragons were fireproof.

Author: Okay, we should get rid of these useless monarchs and just have a dragon rule Equestria.
Twilight: But wait, Fluttershy was able to command the dragon. That means...
Author: Fluttershy should control Equestria! Is brilliant!

She was thoroughly distracted.

Pinkie Pie: Wait, if she knows she's distracted, does that mean she's distracted?

Now was the moment.

NOW!

She found The Lunacy within her mind. It was there. It was right there. It could not have made its location more plain.

Twilight: It was literally holding a sign that said, "I'm the Lunacy, please exorcise me."

And it was thoroughly surprised and distracted by this development.

Oh, yes. Some star must be shining down on me. I'll ask Luna about it later.

She fumbled within her mind.

She found purchase.

Rarity: "I'd like one better fan fic please.

She grabbed it.

Squeezed it.

Twisted it.

Broke it loose...

"GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!" she screamed, in a tone far louder and far more regal, despite the profanity, than the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Twilight: As long as your screaming, it's regal.
Rarity: Not really she should have used the royal "our".

Twilight Sparkle threw the tiny ball of absolute blackness as far away from her as she could...

Author: What, like five feet?
Pinkie Pie: She should've done that at the start.

The world seemed to explode in a concussion of terror and hate.
________________________________________

She fell.

Fell through the air.

Twilight: Really? I thought she was falling through gelatin.

I'm falling...

I'm going to hit the ground and die...

She remembered that she couldn't.

Rarity: Well, there goes THAT suspenseful moment.

Wings tearing wide, she took in the view.

Author: "Wow... I really messed up Ponyville, didn't I?"

The Lunacy, visible at last as a physical entity. Night Mare Moon and the dragons were ripping into it. One dragon was hurled straight down, but they were too high for it to hit the ground before it recovered, and it flew back into the battle with jaws blazing fire.

Celestia was floating low down near the town, a thick magical bubble around herself and five other ponies. She was carrying Applejack, Rainbow Dash was carrying Rarity, and Fluttershy was holding Pinkie Pie.

They were all wearing necklaces...

Rarity: If the world's going to end, they're going to die with style.

"THE CROWN! THE CROWN!" Twilight screamed. "WHERE IS IT?! WHERE IS IT?! WHERE'S THE CROWN?!"

Rarity: The Lunacy left her, eh? I find that a little hard to believe...

Celestia reached her magic down to the small, well-hidden wooden chest she had placed in the rubble beneath her. She seized the magenta-jeweled tiara and threw it faster than a bullet towards the rapidly-approaching small lavender alicorn.

Twilight saw it coming.

Twilight: "OW! How was I supposed to catch that?!"

She grabbed it. Moved it into her flight path.

It slammed onto her head with a physical concussion of bright white light.

Author: Concussion? Did she start frothing light?
_______________________________________

The Master of Magic flexed her thaumaturgical muscles.

Author: Hey, it's Trixie!

Oh. Oh, my.

She opened her eyes. They blazed white-hot as she found her target. High above, three enormous winged beasts surrounded Night Mare Flare, snapping at it, smashing it with their great indestructible claws, blasting it with white-hot dragonfire. Night Mare Moon circled the rampaging battle, firing blasts of coloured light at the ferocious Thing at the centre of the fray. Distracting it. Blinding it to the real threat.

Pinkie Pie: The backspace key!

"GIRLS! TO ME!"

Author: "TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!"

The crown's jewel exploded with light. Celestia dropped her magical barrier as five ponies, their jewelled necklaces glowing, were telekinetically pulled up to Twilight's height.

________________________________________

The Element of Magic, wielded by the most magically-powerful being the world had ever seen.

Trixie: Trixie thinks this statement is blasphemy!
Twilight: Where did you come from?
Trixie: Trixie does not know.

Flying higher and higher, her friends following along close on her wingtips, up towards the Thing that had tricked her, manipulated her, tried to control her.

Author: Okay, if I insert names into these somewhat vague descriptions, we'll be here all day.

The dragons saw her coming. Disengaging, they flapped back out of the monster's immediate reach, leaving it to Night Mare Moon alone.

Pinkie Pie: Oh no! That must be horrible! Nopony should be left alone!

Night Mare Flare saw her coming too. A fear, a terror older than Equestria itself, blossomed wildly in the mind of The Lunacy. It saw its destruction. Powered by the vestiges of Twilight Sparkle's magic, its magical ability was immense, but it could not triumph over this. It could not stand in the face of the Elements of Harmony.

Rarity: It also has a weakness for chocolate pudding, but that's for another story.
Author: ABC presents; "Extreme Makeover, Weight Loss Addition", with special guest Nightmare Flare.

It turned and tried to flee.

Twilight snatched it, squeezed it, crushed it with her mind. It began to howl, twisting, spinning within her grip, trying to teleport away from the death it saw bearing down upon it.

Twilight: Ah, yes. Because that's what the Elements are used for; killing things.

The jewels on the elements flared suddenly, intense purple and howling yellow and searing blue and blazing orange and red.

Pinkie Pie: Poor red... He doesn't get a cool description.
Author: Seriously. The writer could've at least said something like "mediocre red" at the very least.

The other five Bearers gasped in awe as their eyes, too, suddenly flamed perfect blistering white.

Author: I guess you could say the light burned their retinas.

Twilight Sparkle, Master of Magic, Keystone of the Elements of Harmony, threw all of her magical ability into the destruction of the indestructible. Her friends started to scream as blazing rainbow-hued light began to explode from their eyes.

Twilight: Why don't I remember that happening the last time we used the Elements?

Twilight Sparkle's own eyes blazed hotter than the core of the sun as she cast her spell.

Rarity: In other news, Twilight's family mourns her passing. It seems she died when her face and skull melted.

The concussion shattered windows as far away as Phillydelphia and Manehattan.

Pinkie Pie: She pays for those damages, right? Cause that was mean of her!

A giant elemental fist of pure white light, entwined with spidery threads of all the colours of the rainbow, smashed into Night Mare Flare with the force of the Moon colliding with the world.

Author: An Eldritch demon was just defeated by being punched in the face. I love this.
Pinkie Pie: Hey, it's better than being killed by being riffed to death. Could you imagine if THAT killed a demon? (Twilight and Pinkie Pie exchange glances)

Uncountable flying white-hot sparks exploded from the Thing as the three massive dragons turned tail and fled the oncoming cataclysm.

Night Mare Flare lived up to its chosen name.

Author: Its dad wanted to name it Henry, but its mom was persistent.

With a flash of light many times brighter than the noon-day sun, illuminating all of Equestria for hundreds of miles around, the enormous fang-jawed flaming alicorn-shape shrank into an almost imperceptibly-miniscule pinprick of light,

Author: Nightmare Flare in "Honey, I Shrunk the Evil God".

shimmered and wavered for the tiniest moment, and then, with a sudden caterwauling shriek that every single living thing in the world heard clearly,

Pinkie Pie: "Hey, would you keep it down?! I'm TRYING to sleep!"

exploded into a vast blooming sheet of brightest day and deepest night, spreading rapidly to the horizons, covering all the world with speckled swirling blotches composed of equal parts light and dark, flame and smoke, day and night, before fading, softly, to nothing.

Twilight: Actually, matter cannot be created or destroyed, so it couldn't have turned into nothing. A far more likely result would be-
Rarity: Twilight?
Twilight: Yes?
Rarity: Shut up, we're almost done.

With a scream of absolute glorious elation, Night Mare Moon exploded in a shower of deep blue smoke and silver sparks. A small alicorn with a pale-blue mane shot down out of the expanding cloud of black and silver dust, shrieking with joy as billions of stars blossomed and exploded back into view in the pitch-black night sky above.

Rarity: I guess she's happy.
Author: I think she had a stargasm. (head exploded by Twilight's magic)

"It's dead! It's gone! It's gone, gone, gone! It's gone forever!" Luna shrilled, her face almost split in two by an enormous smile.

Twilight: The visit to the doctor to stitch that up is part of the sequel.

Then she noticed what was occupying Celestia's attention. As her sister raced up from far below, she folded her wings and shot into a dive after the falling unconscious ponies.

Pinkie Pie: Everyone falls and dies! Hooray!
Rarity: Finally! That was the last chapter, right?

Not My Destiny
by Smayds

Twilight: Not quite...

Epilogue: And That's How Equestria Was Saved

Author: Break! Let's stop for a break! Maybe grab a strong drink while we're at it!

---

Twilight: You know, when a story's over, I expect it to STAY over...
Rarity: Now that's not fair. Some people love all the little extras, like alternate endings.
Pinkie Pie: I know I do! (takes a swig from a cup)
Author: ... Pinkie, what are you doing?
Pinkie Pie: You said we should grab a strong drink, so I grabbed the strongest drink I could find!
Author: Ponies? Drinking? As if. You wouldn't know a strong drink if it hit you on the head!
Pinkie Pie: How would a drink hit me on the head? It doesn't have any arms, silly!
Author: Oh, shut up! Just give me that! (grabs bottle off of table)
Twilight: Author, I really don't think you should drink that! That's full of stuff even stronger than what Pinkie's drinking!
Author: (smirks) What is it? Water? (takes a swig, then smacks lips) Huh. Tastes a bit funny.
Rarity: Um, Author?
Author: Hey, stop looking at me like I've got two heads.
Rarity: Very well. I hope you don't mind if I look at you as though you're ON FIRE!
Author: Gah! I'm on fire! How does that even happen?! (looks at bottle) Hey there's a warning... "There's a slight chance you'll be infected with an evil eldritch abomination." (starts to levitate) Oh this is awesome! I can fly!
Rarity: Author! You have to fight it!
Author: What? Why? I can rule the world now as I see fit! Mold it to my image!
Pinkie Pie: But remember all the good times we've had!
Author: Hm, you're right. I thought about it. You'll die first. (creates a fireball in one hand, then roars) AND NOW PINKIE! PREPARE TO FEEL MY FIERY-
Twilight: Alright, that's enough. (Tosses bucket of water on Author, whose flames go out instantly. He fals to the ground, the impact of his head hitting the wooden floor causing a little demon to pop out of his ear and skitter away.) Shall we get on with the story.
Author: Ughh...
Twilight: That's what I thought.
(Buzzers sound.)
All: We've got story sign!

---

To claps and cheers from hundreds of ponies, Twilight Sparkle levitated the flag to the base of the pavilion's rooftop flagpole. Tying it to the halyard with her magic,

Author: I'm just going to assume "halyard" is an actual word.

she flew gently down from the roof to land beside the Princesses and her friends, folded her wings, and called "Ready?!"

Whistles and whoops and more clapping. "Okay! Here we go!" Her horn ignited, the flag moving gently to the top of the pole. Applause and cheering as the Mayor moved to the podium under the pavilion's bright bunting.

Author: I'm going to assume that word was used in the right context.
Pinkie Pie: There's a lot of assuming involved in reading stories, huh?

"Wonderful, wonderful!" the Mayor said. "That's it! Ponyville is officially rebuilt!" The cheers redoubled. "Thank you, everypony!" More cheering. "And especially to Princesses Celestia and Luna, who helped so much with the clearing and reconstruction!" The ponies went even crazier.

Rarity: Egad! The Lunacy had babies!

"But most of all, to our own Princess Twilight, head of the organisation committee and personal architect of the new Ponyville!"

The applause was deafening. Ponies everywhere, all around the town square, were clapping their front hooves, stamping their back hooves, and cheering and yelling their heads off.

Twilight: Luckily there's an emergency medical team on stand-by.

Twilight blushed furiously, wanting to put a stop to this, and point out that she was most definitely not a Princess.

"Just go with it for now, Twilight Sparkle," Luna's amused voice murmured gently into her ear. "Be a Princess for just one day. You might even grow to enjoy it!"

Rarity: "Just wait till we start figuring out the taxation rate!"
Author: "I even have an abacus you can borrow!"

After the downtown celebrations were concluded, Twilight and company walked through the early evening sunset back to the new library -

Pinkie Pie: I didn't know you could grow trees that quickly!

and, over Twilight's objections, the official royal residence of Ponyville. Twilight had used an enormously-powerful growth spell to age a sapling about eight hundred years in the blink of an eye, and the woodworkers had hollowed out and strengthened the structure in record time, aided by Celestia, Luna and Twilight herself.

Author: Alternatively they could've, I don't know, just BUILT A HOUSE.

There was one little addition to the large new balcony on top of the tree, however - a pedestal for the palace's enormous Sun Disc.

Author: It's mounted on the back of four miniature elephants, which are, in turn, standing on top of a giant tortoise.

Twilight had objected strongly, but Celestia put her hoof down. As Ponyville had missed out last year, Twilight was raising the sun right here at the upcoming Summer Sun Celebration, and Celestia was going to make sure she did it in style.

Pinkie Pie: Style? Oh! I know! You could juggle planets and stars in the sky!
Twilight: That may not be the best idea...

"Wow, Twilight, I'm beat! I've been on my feet for days! I'm gonna go have a nap." Spike trotted wearily up the stairs to his new room.

"We're going out to have a few drinks later, Spike," Twilight called after her number-one assistant. "We might not be here when you wake up."

Rarity: Does anyone else think that sounds a bit ominous?

"Okay," Spike yawned back from the landing. "Want me to save you any dinner?"

"No, we're good. Thanks for offering!" Rainbow Dash called.

Author: Geez, is he cooking enough food for seven people?!

"No problem. Have fun, you guys!" The sound of a door closing. Spike adored the fact that he had his own room.

Twilight looked around the new ground floor reading room, stocked with books from the Canterlot Royal Library, and even a few from Celestia's private bookcases.

Author: Hey, what's this book...? "Fifty Shades of Rainbow" by EQD James?!

Home.

She sat down on the couch and looked grumpy.

Pinkie Pie: Turn that frown upside down!

"What's the matter, sugarcube?" Applejack asked. "Ya' tired?"

"No, I'm not tired. I've been working all week without a break and I'm not tired at all. Alicorn thing?" she asked Celestia.

Rarity: "No. You're just a freak of nature."

The Princess nodded from her seat at the row of plush cushions along the wall.

"Well then, what's got you all grumpy?" Pinkie Pie asked around a mouthful of sprouts, coming out of the kitchen.

"I... I don't know. Let's go. I need a couple drinks, girls. Princesses?"

Author: What, is she asking if alicorns can get drunk?

"We would be honoured, Twilight Sparkle," Luna said. Celestia nodded in agreement. The two royal alicorns stood and followed the six smaller ponies back out the door and into the darkening evening.
________________________________________

The old atmosphere of the Ponyville Bar

Author: I never thought I'd ever hear this in a story. Good stuff.

was there, even though the eight ponies sitting alone were all incredibly famous - and two, possibly three of them were royalty. Though the citizens of Ponyville had seen a fair bit of Celestia since Twilight had moved here,

Rarity: The princesses are old news now.

and the Princesses themselves had gotten their hooves quite dirty during the week-long rebuild of the town,

Twilight: Right, I understand lifting things with magic can really dirty up those hooves.

a Princess was still a Princess, and nervous glances kept shooting from the other patrons all evening.

Rarity: Nervous? What do they think she's going to do, sentence them all to death for bad musical taste?

The six best friends, and two royal Princesses, all sat around the table in the bar's largest corner booth, chatting, laughing, having possibly a little too much cider, and talking about how Equestria was now safe forever with the destruction of The Lunacy.

Author: Well, till the start of next season anyway.

"I really didn't know which of my thoughts were mine and which weren't," Twilight told her friends and the Princesses. "That Thing was really good at what it did. My thoughts really weren't my own at all, just like you said, Celestia." Twilight tipped her glass at her former teacher. "I couldn't tell which were which. I started to think that I really did want to destroy the world!"

Rarity: Indeed, it did get a bit confusing.

"So how in the hay did ya' manage to beat it, Twi'?" Applejack asked.

"I out-thought it! I had these weird conflicting thoughts, but they made complete sense, like, um, oh! I believed that all I'd wanted to do for thousands of years was destroy everything. And I realized that I'm not thousands of years old. I think that unhinged it."

Twilight: Thank you for recapping what the readers already know.

"After our first battle, when you remodeled the top of Windmore Mountain?" Luna asked.

Twilight nodded. "I realized that it was doing my thinking for me. It got mad, really mad. It tried to take me over, to force me to do its bidding." Twilight smiled. "It made a bit of a mistake. I kept my head. Kept calm. I flew straight down at that mountaintop as fast as I could go. That made it furious, but I'd found out where it was hiding in my head! I could be me again. But it was so angry. Every time I let my control slip, it burst back out. I was just a passenger. A passenger in my own mind. It nearly won."

Author: Sounds like the wrap-up explanation to a Twilight Zone episode.

"I don't want to even think about that!" Rarity said, with a note of worry in her voice.

"I think it was watching me, ever since we pushed it out of Luna last year.

Twilight: I guess it didn't have anything better to do.

It saw my transformation and moved into my head, trying to make another Night Mare Moon."

"It sorta did, Twilight," Fluttershy said quietly. "How did you really stop it though? I mean," the pink-and-yellow pegasus said shyly, "what about the prediction? It almost did come true."

Author: Funny thing about that book. I think we've all figured out that the book is full of crap.

Fluttershy looked momentarily terrified at the thought, then resumed her relatively benign expression.

"Easy. The Lunacy just made a mistake. I'm not the third Eternal Sister. I'm just Twilight Sparkle."

Pinkie Pie: If she isn't the Eternal Sister, then who is?!
All: (exchange glances, then whisper) Bloomberg...

"But you ARE an alicorn, Twilight! So doesn't that make you an Eternal Sister?" Rainbow Dash pointed out.

"We think you are, Twilight," Celestia said. Luna nodded. "Remember what we saw when we looked at you with our full magical sight. And The Lunacy itself could not have known of that prediction."

Rarity: I beg to differ. Perhaps the Lunacy is big on reading?
Twilight: He probably picked up an abridged version at the library.

"Well, alright, maybe. Maybe I was destined to end the world, and I just decided not to. At least, if it isn't me, and the third Eternal Sister does show up some crazy day," Twilight said with a smile, "she won't be able to embrace The Lunacy." The smile faded. "I don't think it was expecting me to destroy it, maybe just drive it away with the Elements again. Or trap it in stone." Twilight closed her eyes for a moment. "It was still a living thing, though. Evil and twisted, with no purpose other than to cause chaos and destruction. But still a living thing. And I killed it. On purpose." She lowered her muzzle to the table sadly.

Twilight: Really? I thought you blasted it with friendship by accident.
Author: Just think; we, as the human race, drove Hitler to suicide. What monsters are we?!

"Twilight! Yer' crazy! That thing was gonna use ya' to destroy the world!"

"This is yet another reason why we think you are the third Eternal Sister, Twilight Sparkle. Your love for all living things. ALL living things," Luna emphasized.

Author: "Even Zoidberg."

"I hated The Lunacy. I hate its memory. But I, too, am sorry that it is dead." The midnight-blue alicorn looked at her sister. Celestia nodded.

"As am I. Though I do not think you made a mistake."

All: ...
Rarity: ... You know, they're just asking for another cataclysm to come along.

Twilight looked with surprise at Celestia as the large, regal-looking alicorn continued with sadness in her voice.

"The Elements of Harmony, used in anger. Used, for the very first time, to kill. If what you did would have been, well, wrong, the Elements would never have activated. If bringing true, eternal harmony to the world meant killing the thing that would have otherwise destroyed it, then so be it. Luna and myself will mourn the passing of such an ancient immortal spirit,"

Twilight: "And by mourn we mean dance on its grave."

Celestia said, "but not for very long. You will, too, I think, also for a brief time only. I am afraid that this will be something else you will need to learn." Her younger sister nodded sadly at this.

The talk turned to other things. Twilight didn't join in. She looked slightly confused about something.

Rarity: She's probably busy sorting out all the story's plot holes.

This was the same feeling she'd had back in the library, just before they all went out. She listened to her friends talking happily all around her, listened to the background din of the bar. Everypony was having the time of their lives. Glancing up, she saw Celestia looking at her glum demeanour out of the corner of her eye.

Pinkie Pie: "Hey! Stop looking at my demeanor like that!"
Author: ... Great. I now have an image in my head of a drunk Celestia hitting on Twilight's demeanor.
Twilight: Have we ever told you how random you are?
Author: (pretending to be drunk) Heeeey Demeenur.... Hows abouts we go back to mah place and get yew changed into a temperament that's a wee bit more... comfurtable..."

Eternal harmony...

Eternal...

Twilight: "That'd be a good name for a story..."

Finally, Twilight brought up the subject that she'd been trying to avoid for weeks and weeks now.

Twilight: "Uh, Princess Celestia?"
Rarity: "Yes?"
Twilight: "I didn't want to mention this, but... you have something stuck in your teeth."
Rarity: "Gah! How long has this been here?!"
Twilight: "Uh..."

"So, uh, Celestia?"

The co-ruler of all of Equestria lowered her glass to the table and looked at her very steadily. Something told Twilight that Celestia knew what she was about to ask.

Author: Freaky mind-reader...

"What's on your mind, Twilight?"

"Uh, eternity. Immortality."

The talking and laughter of her friends died down as everypony turned to look at her.

Pinkie Pie: "Geez, Twilight, you're such a buzz kill!"

The rest of the bar was still noisy enough, but those around the table heard Twilight very clearly as she whispered the thought that she'd finally been able to confront.

"I'm going to have to watch all of my friends grow old. Grow old and... and pass away."

Author: Hey, look on the bright side... You can finally make fun of them without any consequence!

The background sounds of reveling ponies seemed to die away as well. Twilight looked at the table sadly, picked up her glass of cider, put it back down again.

Twilight: Yep. That action had a point.

She was interrupted by a tremendous hug from Pinkie Pie.

"Don't you worry about that, Twilight! We've all got years and years and years of parties to throw before anything like that happens! The Princesses must have lost friends! Right, Princesses?"

Rarity: Oof... Good ol' Pinkie, ever the tactful one.

In extremely-typical Pinkie Pie fashion, the hyperactive earth pony had just unwittingly opened a very deep wound.

Celestia and Luna both nodded. Briefly, very briefly, their faces showed deep traces of sadness and sorrow.

Twilight: And glee, as they recalled that one filly from grade school who was always whining.

They must have known hundreds of ponies personally over the centuries. Thousands.

Thousands of friends... gone.

"How do you do it?" Twilight breathed.

Rarity: She breathed. That's good to note.

"It's not easy. But we cope. Part of being an alicorn is keeping a level head in a crisis, Twilight, as you know. That will extend to coping with loss." Celestia looked around the table at the sad faces, all except Pinkie Pie shocked at this obvious revelation.

Author: I can't tell if Pinkie was smart enough to already know this, or just plain stupid.

"You all have long, full, worthwhile lives ahead of you. Twilight will share in those lives.

Rarity: Just what I need, some alicorn mooching on my life force.

You will all, one day, pass away, just like every other living thing. Twilight will remember you in her heart for ever, my little ponies. And so will Luna and myself, as we remember every friend we have ever made."

Pinkie Pie: "By the way, what was your name again?"

The six best friends digested this slowly as a pegasus guardspony trotted unobtrusively up to Celestia and murmured something quietly into her ear. "Yes, yes, I suppose you're right." She looked at Luna, who nodded, then she turned to address the table at large.

Author: The guard gave them advice on who to pick for their fantasy NASCAR team.

"The other affairs of state are starting to pile up. I'm afraid we must both get back to them. It is quite a lot of work, managing the business of an entire realm, along with moving the sky around as well," Celestia smiled, getting to her hooves. "I trust we will see you all soon, though? We're having a small, private dinner this weekend. Just the eight of us, plus Spike."

Rarity: "Also, if Nightmare Flare asks to come, tell him it was cancelled. I don't really like associating with him..."

"Oooh! Formal dress?!" Rarity exclaimed, her shining eyes going wide with joy and anticipation.

"However you choose to come will be fine," Luna said, smiling happily.

All: Hmm...
Twilight: So... I can come in a sombrero?
Author: Yep.
Rarity: I can come with bananas stuffed in my ears?
Author: Indeed.
Pinkie Pie: I can show up NAKED?!
Author: Um, Pinkie, you're already- You know what? Sure. Sure you can.

"Twilight Sparkle, we will be awaiting the arrival of your friends and yourself." The two sisters bowed,

Twilight: Their heads bashing into Twilight,

which made Twilight wince. "Celestia and myself are quite looking forward to it. Imagine us, hosting a private function for a Princess!"

Twilight: Of course. It's not like they've ever held the audience of any other princess *cough* Cadance *cough*.
Author: To be fair, she hadn't been introduced yet.

Celestia and Luna chuckled. To bows and smiles from the other patrons, the Princesses, accompanied by half-a-dozen golden-armoured guards, walked gracefully out of the Ponyville Bar.

Twilight slumped her chin down on to the table. Then, she craned her head around and looked at her wings. She wiggled them. She sighed.

Rarity: They just don't wiggle like they used to...

"Twilight!" Pinkie gasped without warning. "You GOTTA come to Sugarcube Corner tomorrow at four o'clock! I just remembered!" she said in a sudden rush.

Author: "I'm making cupcakes!
Rarity and Twilight: NO!
Twilight: Don't go there!

Twilight sat up and looked at her immensely happy and expectant pink friend. "Let me guess..."

Twilight: "Are we going to riff something?"

"Shhh! Don't tell yourself this, but it's your Hey-Wow-Twilight's-Gonna-Live-Forever surprise party!" Pinkie giggled. "Everypony's invited!"

Pinkie Pie: Literally!

Twilight rolled her eyes, then smiled.

The first of many, many parties to come.

Author: Like, twenty or so.

"Wouldn't miss it, Pinkie. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Twilight: Hey, don't be so hasty!
Author: She can be as hasty as she wants. That's the end of the epilogue!
Rarity: Grand. Now we have the pleasure of reading some alternate endings.Hooray...
Pinkie Pie: Oh, the story wasn't that bad, now was it?
Twilight: Well, it started off slow...
Author: Remained slow...
Rarity: Proceeded to be slow...
Author: But at least the pace picked up towards the end. And Fluttershy plus dragon is cool. Granted, the Fluttershy sub-plot didn't end up developing too much...
Pinkie Pie: I'm so happy we're doing this riff together! I can't wait for us to do this again!
(Twilight, Rarity, and Author exchange glances.)
Twilight: I don't think that's the best ide-
(Buzzers sound.)
All: We've got break sign!

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