It's Two-Star Tuesday! What the buck does that mean, you may ask. In order to take care of a large bulk request I received, every Tuesday ("Isn't it a little after Tuesday?" Shut up, reader!) I'm going to head on over to Equestria Daily and find one of the poor, poor fics that somehow managed to get through the pre-readers' radar. If the story has under a three star rating, then it shall receive a healthy dose a riffing! Today's story is an odd one, which you can read here without the commentary. Though the author of the story says its rated R, the fic hardly lives up to that, and unless a druggie (more like drunk) Twilight and poor story structure highly offends you, you'll be just fine. In my opinion, the idea, in theory, could be hilarious if done right, but here... Well, you'll see for yourself. Let's begin!

---

Author: ... Okay, did anybody see you two come here?
Twilight: No. I don't think Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash has a clue we're at the studio.
Rarity: Somehow, I just know she'll find a way...
Author: Don't be so paranoid. It's not like she has Pinkie-senses or... anything... (facepalm) Well, shoot.
(Doors swing shut and lock)
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Hey, no guns in the writing studio! You could shoot a fictional eye out, silly!
Twilight: Pinkie-sense?
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) Pinkie-sense.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) It's a weird one, too! My mane starts rippling, I give two stomps with my left hoof, my stomach does a back flip, and my eyes roll!
Author: And that's every time it's time to do an MPPT?
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) No, that's just my "Twilight, Rarity, and author are all in the writing studio" sign! When I'm there too, I stomp with my right hoof and also blink a few times, and when Twilight and Rarity aren't there but me and-
Rarity: I think we get the point.
Pinkie Pie: Hooray! Because I have about a few hundred different combinations that I did NOT want to go through! Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow Dash: (From TV, clears throat) You're awesome prank for today is a bit of a joke. And by joke, I mean Poison Joke. Twilight-
Twilight: WHY AM I ALWAYS THE MAIN CHARACTER!?
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) Twilight pretty much spends the story stoned because she smoked poison joke. And what happens afterwards.
Twilight: Wait... aren't we already in the middle of MPPTing something!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Nope! Definitely not "Not My Destiny"!
Author: "Snake, you've created a time paradox..."
(Buzzer goes off)
All: We've got story sign!

---

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Episode 420: Twi-dye Sparkle

Author: I'm sorry, did I miss a few episodes?

[Rated R: Drug use, some language, nopony under the age of 17 should read without parental/guardian supervision]

Author: I'd rate that PG-13 at most.

“Hey Twilight! Where ya goin?” asked Spike as Twilight threw her saddle bags

Rarity: At him.

on, weighed down by a healthy collection of books.

Twilight: The sick books she left on the shelf.

“I’m just heading over to Froggy Bottom Bog to meet Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.” Twilight replied, sliding the last book in with her magic,” They told me that they were Joking and asked if I would want to join them. I’m so excited! I’ve got all the books about comedy in my bags.”

Rarity: "Every. Single. One.

Spike’s eyes widened as he said,” Jokes! I have a ton of them!

Author: "They're all about Cupcakes!"

Twilight, pleaaaaaase let me go with you! I can knock them dead with my ‘Chariot Food’ routine.”

Author: Hey, it's Jerry Spikefeld.

As he posed with a pencil, held like a microphone while pointing to an imaginary audience. Twilight, with a lighter tone,

Twilight: The tone had been on a diet.

said,” I would of invited you Spike, but aren’t you helping Rarity pack her dresses for Hoity Toity today?” Spike jumped, clasped his head in his claws and groaned,” Oh crud! I almost forgot about that!”

Rarity: Oh, that language! This story deserves that R rating!

He runs towards the doorway, turns briefly and yells,

Author: "WHAT'S UP WITH THESE TENSES?!"

” Have fun with Dash and Pinkie!” and just like that, he was off to goggle at Rarity, yet again.

Rarity: Glad to know he spends time with me for the plot.

Twilight rolled her eyes. Oh Spike, barely out of the egg and already making fillies swoon.

Twilight: I think you mean creeped out.

Twilight steps outside into the warm air, the sun was shining bright just over the eastern horizon.

Author: But all was quiet on the Western Front.

Closing the door behind her she takes a deep breath and sighs happily,” Looks like Rainbow Dash got up especially early to clear the sky, this is going to be an excellent day!”

Rarity: "Too bad the same can't be said about this story."

She trots down the street, towards Froggy Bottom Bog.

Author: I wonder how it got that name. Was it insulted about its butt while in high school, or something?

While on the road, she sees the turnoff towards Sweet Apple

Twilight: MASSACRE!
Author and Rarity: AHH!
Rarity: Don't do that!
Author: Never mention that ever again!

Acres where Applejack is rounding up a herd of cattle.

Twilight: Does she round to the nearest tenths place or hundredths place?

“Good morning Applejack! Lovely day isn’t it?” Twilight greeted the young workhorse. Applejack looked to see who said that and saw Twilight. With a smile, Applejack said,” Howdy Sugarcube! Shoot it’s a fine morning

Author: Okay. Bang!

if I ever did see one. Perfect weather to take these mooin’ nellies out to pasture!”

Rarity: I'm hesitant to believe that anypony has actually called cows by that name.

She looks at the cattle and some of them were wandering off, Winona barking at them to keep them in line. A cow in the middle of the group moo’ed, “ Oh stop with that barking! You’re causing a rattle in my ears, don’cha know!”

Author: They're Canadian!

Applejack, looking hurried, said back to Twilight,” I’d like to chat more, but

Rarity: "But this is kind of unrelated to the plot, so we should really be moving things along."

these ol’ heffers are more than a hoof full to deal with!” Twilight opened her mouth to say something, but

Twilight: But then realized it would just be a waste of words.

just like that Applejack was off. Twilight yelled,” Don’t work too hard now, Bye!” With that last statement, Twilight trotted down the road, whistling Winter Wrap Up softly as she continued on.

Author: That... feels weird to read.

Twilight could feel her coat becoming sweaty in the humidity as she entered into the low curling trees of Froggy Bottom Bog. She looked all around at the trees, the birds, and the interesting looking plants and creatures in the bog. She heard all around her the croaks of toads,

Author: (Singing) "Why are there so many, songs about rainbows, and what's on the other side?" (Yes I know he's a frog, so SHUT UP!)

chirps of many strange and beautiful birds, and the sound of the wind brushing against the willow branches with a low rustling.

Author: Considering where the story is going, I'd say it was a "high" rustling!
Rarity and Twilight: (groans)

However, the sound that intrigued her most was a high pitched laughter.

Twilight: And by intrigued, we mean she wanted to GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW.

Pinkie Pie is already having fun I see, Twilight thought to herself as she walked in the direction of the laughter.

Rarity: Forty six degrees west of north.

When she got closer, she heard what sounded like Rainbow Dash coughing and laughing hysterically. “Come on Dash! I thought you were a tough Pegasus, you silly wimpy dimpy fillie!”

Twilight: Dimpy?

Pinkie Pie said, she hiccupped and made a wheezy laugh.

Rarity: She was a laughing craftsman, you see.

The Pegasus retorted,” Hey! I didn’t see you take more than a single hit

Author: "In the face."

and…” Rainbow Dash looked up and saw a worried eyed Twilight enter their midst,” Hey Twilight! What’s up?”

Author: "Or I should say what's high? And you can guess the answer to that!"

Twilight coughed as she got closer to her friends in a blue gray haze that surrounded them.

Author: Great, the fog from Lost is also here for a smoke.

Her eyes watered up and blurred everything.

Rarity: Why does her eyes have to go and ruin everything!?

”Wha *cough* What is goin*cough* on here! Is there a fi*cough* fire here?!”

Twilight: Did she cough, or just say "cough"?

Twilight barely said, she could hardly breathe without the feeling of hacking up a lung.

Author: Don't worry, you have two.

Pinkie Pie giggled while rolling on the ground, hiccupping every few seconds. Rainbow Dash walked close to Twilight, staggering a little bit. Twilight, still wiping her eyes,

Rarity: Was she wiping them before?

looked up at Dash and nearly jumped back.

Twilight: But then she thought better of it.

Her eyes were blue! “OH MY CELESTIA!

Rarity: Don't speak the reigning monarch's name in vain!

Are you okay Dash!?” Twilight yelled as she took the rainbow colored mare’s head in her hooves, she looks over at Pinkie and yells,

Twilight: "WHAT'S WITH THESE TENSES!?"

” What happened to Dash?” Pinkie stopped rolling around and said in a slurred tone,” Dash?” “YES DASH! WHAT HAPPENED?!” Twilight yelled.

Rarity: Paragraph breaks... need... paragraph breaks...

Pinkie then says,” Dash is not here man.”

Author: Pinkie Pie just referenced Cheech and Chong. My brain has exploded.

Pinkie looks up at Twilight and giggles. Twilight can’t believe it! Pinkies eyes were blue too! “You two wait here, I’ll go get help!”

Twilight: From an editor, I hope.

Twilight shouted in an alarmed voice. “Relax Rarity… I mean Twilight” Rainbow Dash chortled,” Nothing’s wrong here, we’re just Joking.”

All:...
Author: I get it.

Pinkie stood up, wobbly nodding her head,” Yeah Twilight! You came for some Jokey Mc’Smokies right?”

Rarity: That's the most adorable name for a drug I've ever heard.
Author: The people who smoke that must be the bronies of the drug world.

Twilight looked at Pinkie Pie, then at Rainbow Dash. “Are you sure you are alright?” Twilight questioned, worried for the two ponies,” I came here for some comedy, I brought all the books I could find

Twilight: Literally.

and-“ “You don’t *cough* need those books” Dash interrupted with,

Rarity: Well? With what?!

“Twilight. The jokes we’re talking about are right over there!” Dash pointed to a bag made of a rough material,

Twilight: Sand paper?
Rarity: Steel wool?
Author: Rocks?

colored in a light pastel blue that matched Rainbows coat. Pinkie swaggered to the bag, lifted the flap, and pulled out a pad of white papers

Author: That's for writing down all things we could've done instead of reading this crap.

and a bag of a familiar blue plant.

Twilight: "Now where do I remember seeing... Oh, Jeffery! Remember me? We met at that singles bar the other day!

“Girls! That’s poison joke! Remember the last time we touched that stuff?

Rarity: I don't think they can remember anything right now.

Throw it away right now!” Twilight demanded of the pink pony.

Author: She's so demanding.

Pinkie replied,” Well duh! We know what it does when you touch it, you fuddy duddy!”

Rarity: Fuddy?

With that last remark, she stuck her nose into the blue tote bag again, pulling out a pair of tongs in her teeth. “Wbb Smbbbck thbb stuppp”

Author: What's she saying?
Twilight: I think it was something about jeweled circlets.

Pinkie mumbled with the tongs in her teeth. She opens the baggie of Poison Joke, grabs a small bunch of leaves, and places it in the middle of one of the papers. She then rolls the paper around the poison joke and licks the paper to keep it in place. Pinkie reaches in the bag again and pulls out a lighter, Rainbow Dash takes the lighter while Pinkie puts the joint in her mouth, Dash lights it up and Pinkie breathes in, causing the other end to glow bright blue.

Author: Teamwork at its finest!

Pinkies eyes widened with that breath and she holds it for ten seconds before breathing smoke from her pink nosey wosey.

Rarity: Great, now the narrator is using baby talk!

” Here try some!” Pinkie said, handing the joint over to Dash. Rainbow Dash takes a hit and pushes it towards Twilight.”Yeah try some, or are you chick- *hack* chicken.”

Twilight: "CHICKEN?! ... Give me all of it."
Rarity: "But..."
Twilight: "ALL OF IT!"

Dash choked out the last couple of words.
Twilight was visibly shaken by her friends’ request. This seems so wrong, but I don’t want to offend them. Besides they say it’s fun, she thought to herself.

Author: My Little PSA: Drugs aren't Cool, Dog.

Using her magic she lifts the joint into the air in front of her face. She gazes back and forth between the two mares, both cheering her on,” Do it! Do it! Do it!” She licks her lips and brings it closer to her mouth. It feels so wrong! Twilight puts the joint between her lips. Here goes nothing!

Twilight: Except the quality of the story.
Rarity: Darling, I don't think it could get much worse.

Twilight closes her eyes and she inhales deeply.
She hacks and coughs loudly, she felt like her throat would rip out of her!

Author: Marvel's latest hero, Wolverthroat.

She opens her eyes and everything went into a blur. The sky melted into the trees

Author: I can't believe it's not butter.

and became a full rainbow of colors, the flowers seemed to explode into miniature stars made of glitter and sunshine, time slowed down in the middle of her eyes while her peripheral vision sped into different centuries,

Author: "Oh crap, it's the Timecops! Don't let them know we're high!"

she saw worlds begin and end and existence blink out and in. All sound washed together into a symphony as the imagery danced to its tune. Twilight never before had felt like this, she was not sure of anything but certain of everything.

Rarity: I'm getting the feeling that the author wrote the previous three lines, thought they were really good, and decided to make a story around them.

Pinkie and Rainbow looked at her with big grins on their faces as they saw Twilight hack up her first hit. When she recovered and her eyes opened, they saw her pupils were fully dilated and the whites of her eyes were a robin egg’s blue.

Rarity: That's no good, it doesn't match her coat!

“Don’t ya feel super duper happy now, Twilight?! Huh, huh, do ya, do ya?” Pinkie exclaimed as she bounced up and down. Twilight’s eyes circled in opposing directions for a few seconds before she said,” It feels like*cough* the ground* hack* lifted down away *cough*from me*wheeze*”

Twilight: And I feel like I'm reading a poorly written sentence, but hey, it's not like I'm complaining or anything...

“That’s not how the ground lifts from under you silly! This is how it does that!” Pinkie said. Suddenly she shoots up into the sky, going higher and higher until she was just a pink dot in the big blue expanse. “Duuuuuuuuuuuude….. she’s goin’ higher than you ever did, Rainbow!” Twilight mumbled to Dash. “OH YOU WANT TO SEE HIGH?! I’ll go as high as possible,

Twilight: You're already there.

and uh….” Dash scratched her head trying to think then said,” Oh yeah, I’m gonna do a Sonic Rainboom, and you’re gonna be all like,’ Oh my Celestia that’s so cool, Dash! Take me right now, my body is ready’” “What?” Twilight asked.

Rarity: Same with all the readers.

Blushing, Rainbow Dash said,” Um… nevermind. Just watch!”
Dash leaps up in the air and shoots up towards the sky, going higher and higher but waving back and forth when her wings didn’t coordinate properly.

Twilight: "I told you we needed more practice! We'll never be in synch at this rate!"

Twilight looked up, and then fell backwards. “Hehe, too high… up… dash…. Mustache!” She looked around and saw a frog no more than five feet away.

Author: And no less than two.

She closed her eyes and imagined the frog with a mustache. Suddenly hair sprang from the frogs face, scaring it and making it hop away into the trees.

Rarity: That must have been a horrid mustache!

“Oh my gosh! What happened to you Mr. Froggy?”

Twilight: "I got caught up in a bad fanfic, that's what!"

a small voice said outside of Twilights vision. Twilight rolled onto her stomach and got up on her feet. “Fluttershy? You out there?” Twilight slurred. Fluttershy floats into the open,

Rarity: "Do you like my new blimp?"

Twilight blinks momentarily, she does look like a butterfly! “Oh Twilight! I didn’t see you there… um would you happen to know what happened to Mr. Froggy? I mean, if you don’t know then I’ll leave you alone… but um…” Fluttershy said in that shy voice,

Author: Oh, not THAT shy voice!
Twilight: Can't she use that OTHER shy voice?

looking at the ground. Fluttershy glances up at Twilight’s eyes and gasps,” Oh my, what happened? Why are your eyes blue?” She floats closer to Twilight. Twilight giggles and says while chuckling,

Rarity: Impressive. She can giggle AND chuckle at the same time!
Twilight: While also talking.

” Hey ya big ole butterfly! What kinda cocoon did you hatch from?”

Author: Um... Burn?

She laughs out loud, Fluttershy looks nervously around,

Twilight: "Damn it, how did you know!?

” I… what?” Twilight gains control of her laughter and says,” Ya know what you can use, Ms. Butterfly?” she giggles a little “A mustache!”

Author: You know what would be better than a story where Twilight gets high? A story where Fluttershy grows a mustache.

Twilight closes her eyes momentarily. Suddenly a large brush style mustache burst out from Fluttershy’s face. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Fluttershy screamed

Rarity: "You monster! It's a handlebar!"

as she flew back into the woods. Twilight just smiled, eyes shut half-way, and walked down the road back into Ponyville, with the joint still floating near her.

Twilight: I think you mean the "Jokey McSmokies", right?

Flying higher and higher, Rainbow Dash already ate two or three bugs

Author: A grasshopper and two stinkbugs.

on the way to the highest point she can muster. “Jeeze! How in Equestria did Pinkie Pie get up here!”

Rarity: Fabulous, they share the exact same hallucinations.

Rainbow whispers to herself. Dash forgets to flap her wings for a second and falls slightly.

Author: Physics! Congratulations on remembering it exists!

“Okay, settle down girl! Now to dive and do a…. um……

Author: A cannon ball?

sonic rainboom! That’s right, and teach little Miss Know-it-all that I can beat that Pinkie Pie any day!” Rainbow Dash looks down, the ground is swirling underneath her. She rubs her eyes, but the world is still spinning.

Twilight: Yeah, it kinda does that.

Suddenly, two large eyes and a mouth appear from the ground. Rainbow Dash screams,” Don’t you create faces at me, Equestria!

Author: (laughing) Holy crap, that line just made my day!

I’m going to do a rainboom and nothing is gonna stop me!” The planetary face opens it mouth, spewing the largest rainbow that Dash had ever seen in her life.

Author: "That's the second biggest rainbow I've ever seen!"

“FOR POOOOONNNNNYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!” Rainbow screams as she rockets downward, a blue missile aimed directly for the rainbow. Faster and faster she goes, the air stinging her blue veiny eyes as the rainbow get’s closer and closer. *BOOOOOM* the sound rippled through the air as Rainbow Dash busted through the large heavenly rainbow ring above her, trailing the visible light spectrum behind her.

Rarity: I think we've just learned the true secret to making a sonic rainboom.

The rainbow she was diving for disappeared and behind it was the lake in the Bog. She didn’t stop and she hit the water with extreme

Author: Prejudice.

force.
Applejack was rounding the cattle into a meadow; she peered over a small mole hill and saw Froggy Bottom Bog.

Rarity: That's exactly where i would keep my cattle, right next to a bog with horrible flesh-eating monsters.

“Awright Winona! This is a good place to stop, bring it in!” Applejack shouted at her dog that was rounding up the last bovine into the open. Winona runs towards Applejack, but then looks to her left and starts barking.

Twilight: "What is it, girl? You say there's another silly plot line just down the road?"

Applejack shouted again,” Consarnit Winona! What are you barkin’ up a storm for.” She looks where Winona is barking, and she sees Twilight stumbling down the road. “Oh my, maybe I should go see what’s wrong wi-“ Suddenly, Twilight appeared right in front of her.

All: Ahh!
Author: Don't do that!

Cockeyed and blue eyed, she had the largest and dumbest grin that Applejack has ever seen.

Twilight: Second place was Derpy after she ate a muffin.

“Twi, are you feelin’ alright? C’mon I can send you home in a jiffy!”

Author: "Just bought it from my cousin last week. He works at a used car dealership.

Applejack said, worrying for her friend. Twilight only said,” Mustache!”

Rarity: I have a feeling this is going to be a running theme.

She closed her eyes, and then a thick handlebar mustache appears on Applejacks face. “What the? How didja? GET THIS RATTY EYESORE OFF MY FACE!”

Twilight: "I only like beards!"

Applejack demanded, but Twilight closed her eyes and disappeared in a flash.

Author: What, the jiffy wasn't good enough for you?

Applejack reached for her face, touching the curly lock from under her snout, she groaned,” How am I gonna get this off?!

All: ...
Author: Yeah, Sherlock Holmes you aren't.

Uuuuuuugh! I’ll have to get Big Macintosh’s shears to get this thing off.”

Author: (evil grin) With a rusty knife, perchance?
Rarity and Twilight: (shiver)

Applejack looks up and see’s a blue blur flying towards the ground,” What the, is that Rainbow Dash…” The blur exploded

Author: "Nope, just a bomb. Better duck into the shelter."

into a ring of rainbow colors, with a streak of rainbow following it. “Boy Howdy! She dun did it again! YEE HAW!” Applejack cheered until she heard a loud THWACK from where the Dash hit the Bog.

Rarity: Does hitting water usually make a "thwack" noise?

“Dash…” Applejack whimpered. In a matter of seconds, a giant wall of water rises from the bog. Applejack stares for a moment in shock,

Twilight: Water plus electricity. This could end poorly.

then rounds on Winona and yells,” Move em’ back! Hurry!”
After walking into three houses unannounced, Twilight was effectively shooed away

Rarity: They all had "Druggie-B-Gone" spray.

by each resident when she gave them a mustache. She finally stumbled into town, everything she saw looked like marshmallows and sugar beams.

Author: "Whoa, dude... Why's everything look like Rarity?"

A young Pegasus was making her rounds to each mailbox, stuffing the mail in them, usually in the wrong end. “HEY DERPY!” Twilight yelled at the gray Pegasus.

Author: Remember how Derpy was an amusing character to the fandom? Well, it was fun while it lasted...

Derpy looked down and saw Twilight and a squirrel. She flies to the squirrel and asks,” Muffin?” “Over here, Herpaderp! I got something you might like.” Twilight said,

Rarity: Twilight just said "herpaderp". I've officially seen everything.

trying to entice Derpy. Derpy trotted

Twilight: In the air?

towards Twilight with a sidelong wall-eyed stare.

Author: ... The hell is that supposed to mean?

Before she could say anything, Twilight stuck the poison joke joint into her mouth. Twilight saw Derpy’s eyes spin around, and then change shape and color like a slot machine in Las Pegasus.

Author: Alright, where can I get me some of this shit? I want it just for that last sentence alone.

Derpy’s eyes stopped spinning, both pointing forward and face disgruntled. “Twilight, I cannot begin to contemplate how in Equestria you were able to come across such a foul and ridiculous habit?” Derpy questioned Twilight,

Rarity: Gah! It was a statement but also... a question?
Twilight: Don't think too much about it, you'll sprain your brain.

straightening her posture. She pulls out a top hat and monocle from her mailbag and continues to say,” If you will excuse me, I am late for my meeting with the Mayor. I will have a droll time explaining how my day was almost ruined by a Ms. Twilight Sparkle and her filthy poison joke cigarette.” She dons the hat and monocle,” Good day to you, Mam!” Derpy flies away towards the Mayor’s Office, leaving Twilight standing there wondering, “What the hell just happened?”

All: AGREED!

She takes another hit of the poison joke joint, and then trots towards town while enjoying the dancing and singing trees.

Author: Hold on! STOP! We're taking a break, NOW!
Twilight: What? Is something wrong?
Author: BREAK! NOW!

---

Author: Let me get this straight... So when Derpy does the drug, she receives the joke effect of turning smart, along with being high off her ass?
Rarity: Um... Yes, I suppose so.
Author: So why the HELL did none of the other characters suffer from the joke effects?! Twilight shouldn't be able to cast any magic, and Rainbow Dash shouldn't be able to fly more than five feet without crashing into anything! The bog is the exception! And Pinkie Pie shouldn't be able to even say anything! GAH!
Twilight: Take it easy!
Rarity: Admittedly, logical fallacies can be quite frustrating. But you can't give up now!
Author: You're right, maybe I should actually experience it for myself before actually making judgments.
Rarity: Is that...?!
Author: I wrote some into existence a second ago. I'll just take a small whiff. (Inhales)
Twilight: ... Well?
Author: ... Besides the ostrich sitting on your head, everything seams ohkey.
Rarity: Um... Author?
Author: It's knot lich aye'm feeling weird, oar maybe since aye'm stoned aye Kent tail.
Twilight: I... can't understand him.
Rarity: Try sounding it out phonetically.
Author: Weight... Aye thing thee affect is wearing off...
(Buzzer goes off)
All: We got story sign!
Author: Oh... My head...

---

Spike was loading another crate onto the closest chariot parked outside the Carousel Boutique, grunting while lifting it onto the open bed.

Author: Spike must not have had that much luck with the ladies that night.

Rarity was magically floating another couple into a similar chariot next to it, she looks over to Spike and says,”

Twilight: "Faster, slave!"

Thank you again for helping me with all this work. Manual labor is no task for a lady, and I would of simply died if I had to do this myself.”

Rarity: "Literally."

“Ooooh, my pleasure!” Spike said, voice cracking from being near his one true love,

Author: I guess you could say the atmosphere was really "charged"! (Twilight smacks him)

” Anything to help my swe- I mean I would do this for anypony!” Hoity Toity walked next to Rarity,” This is simply fabulous work. All the dresses are accounted for. It would have been done sooner if it wasn’t for each and every one of my ‘workers’ didn’t have the same excuse of some weirdo yellow unicorn making them sick.

Author: Aptly named "Yellow Sunshine."

The nerve of some ponies!” Rarity, blushing, said,” It was no problem, Mr. Toity. Anything for one of the most handsome and debonair ponies in Cant- OWWW!” Something pulled sharply at her tail; she rounds herself to see a familiar looking yellow unicorn. “You, Scoundrel! My tail is not a piece of biscotti you could just enjoy with tea!”

Author: Badum-Tish.
Rarity: I, for one, thought that joke was smashing!

The yellow unicorn spits out Rarity’s tail, looks up with blue eyes and says,” Sorry Celestia. I just wanted… food and *hack* that purple bush looked so tasty and…” Spike looks at the unicorn.” Twilight, is that you? What happened to you? Why are you yellow?”

Rarity: "Because that color looks FABULOUS on you!
Twilight: Psst... Rarity! Spike's the one talking, not you!
Rarity: What?! Well, maybe if the author would actually create a new paragraph for each pony speaking...
Author: And dragon.
Rarity: Shut up!

Spike asked, walking around Twilight, feeling her fur and tail to see if it was really a dye that turned her yellow. “Oh Spike, you’re crazy, just like oatmeal…

Author: Hey, don't kid like that. A psychotic oatmeal killed my father.

friggin mooch, taking my money! Stupid oatmeal! But *hiccup* on another note, I de*hiccup* deci* hiccup*

Twilight: I think you're getting "stoned" and "drunk" confused.

decided that each and everypony here deserves a present!” A yellow Twilight stumbled and closed her eyes, showing strain. A bright light flashed for half a second.

Rarity: They had a stopwatch for that.

Rarity, Hoity Toity, and Spike opened their eyes and their jaws all fell.

Author: Right off.

They each had a thick, bushy, mustache hanging off of their faces. Rarity’s eyes bugged out as she screamed,” OH CELESTIA! CELESTIA!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FACE!”

Rarity: Just asking because IT'S GORGEOUS!

Her eyes rolled in the back of her head

Twilight: How'd they get back there?

and she fainted right on the spot. Spike stroked his mustache,” Way to go Twilight! I missed my fuzzy facial friend.”

Author: "Although we did keep in touch on Facebook". (Rarity slaps him)

He petted the stache,” Who’s a good mustache, you are! Yes you are so sweet!” Hoity, simply frazzled, took out a pocket mirror and shrieked like a little filly.” Why did you do this?! I haven’t worn a mustache since I was in band, Village Stable, as the police officer!”

Rarity: Look at that, an attempt at a comedic one liner. Too bad I have no clue what it means.
Author: I guess he played the baton.

He said in a whiny voice, he put the mirror back in his coat pocket and sighed,” Oh well, at least with these dresses, we will set the fashion world on Fire!”

Author: "Hoity Toity was arrested today on charges of arson."

Twilight’s eyes spun around a little then yelled,” I bring fire, Cavepony!” She closed her eyes, a flash of light appeared, and the crates burst into flames. Hoity screamed,” Oh My! Fire, Fire! Somepony please help! My dresses, my dresses!”
As the crates grew brighter and the smoke rose higher, the ground started to shake. Hoity Toity looking shocked, trying to see what was causing the earth to shake,

Twilight: Same here.

while Twilight was trying to spin on her horn. They see a plume of dust rise from Froggy Bottom Bog, in front was a herd of stampeding cows. Applejack, and her thick glorious mustache, was galloping alongside them when she see’s everypony and yells,” TIDAL WAVE! EVERYPONY RUN FOR THE HILLS!”

Rarity: "And not that molehill I was peeking over earlier, although that could... You know what? Just run!

and she was off towards the other side of the town. Spike, Hoity Toity, and Twilight look again and see a massive wall of water rush towards them.

Author: The other team is trying to blitz them!

Spike and Hoity turn to run; the pegasus’ pulling the chariots loosened their harnesses and flew upward, away from the wave. Before anypony got far enough, the water crashed into them, flipping the chariots and breaking a few of the windows of the boutique.

Author: "Stop! You've violated the law! Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence!"

Twilight was flung into the side of the building, knocking the wind out of her; the poison joke joint was washed away.

Twilight: But the fire's put out. Fashion is saved!
Rarity: Not quite, they were dry-clean only.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake were kind as always to Zecora by giving her an extra cookie in her batch.

Twilight: I'm sorry, I seem to have stumbled into a different story.

“Come again soon!” they said as she walked towards the door. “Come to this store I always will, when visiting your Ponyville!” Zecora said gratefully as she walked outside.

Rarity: I just want to know what she bought.
Author: Probably just a few batches of cupcakes.

She steps off of the deck when her hoof makes a SQUISH! She looks around, her eyes widen as she said,” Why does water soak this lane, when there wasn’t a drop of rain?”

Twilight: Is that a trick question?

She gallops through the town and reaches the Carousel Boutique. Several chariots were overturned; partially burnt dresses and crates littered the place.

Author: Give a hoot, don't pollute!

She sees a dragon and a fancy pony in a tree, both completely soaked. On the roof, she spies Rarity screaming,” Please won’t somepony help?! I don’t want to die with a musta-a-a-ache! Muahahahahaha!”

Rarity: Can we do another take on that cry? That was more an evil laugh.

She cries on her own boutique. “How did this happen to this place? If someone is at fault, they must show their face!” Zecora yelled. Down the muddy street,

Author: I guess that's where the band "Puddle of Mud" lives! (slapped by both Rarity and Twilight)

an orange Pegasus is walking towards them. Zecora squints her eyes to focus on her; she was wet, her mane tangled, and her eyes cockeyed and blue. The orange Pegasus tripped on her way over. “Don’t worry! It’s just me, Dainbow Rash,

Twilight: "Greatest scratcher in all of Equestria!"

I mean…” Rainbow Dash fell over before she could finish her sentence. Zecora sighed,” I’m aghast, but no surprise. I see poison joke in her eyes.” Dash lifted her head and said,” Heck yeah! I would offer you some, but it got washed away. Oh… um…. Sorry ‘bout that, but it did make a wicked Sonic Rainboom!” Twilight got up and staggered towards Zecora, shaking her head as she said,” Uuugh! What happened, I *hic*… ooooooh! My head hurts!” Grasping her head in her hooves, Zecora stood over her and spoke down to her,” Of the once blue now orange pony I can see, but with you how can it possibly be? A better head on your shoulders you spoke, never once did I think you toke.”

Author: (laughing) Okay, that line has also just made my day!
Rarity: "Never once did I think you toke..."
Twilight: "Or even that you'd go and smoke."
Author: "Next time, I suggest some coke.

Zecora puts a hoof around one of Twilights yellow soaking wet locks and explained,” Poison Joke is easy to a trained eye. The coat changes into a different dye. While touching the plants have unclear ends. Inhaling poison joke makes certain trends.”

Rarity: Trends? What?

A herd of ponies, many still wet and shaken, entered the area around the Carousel Boutique. The mayor at the head walks up to Zecora and asks,” What happened, we all were going about our daily routines when suddenly, SPLOOSH!

Rarity: "I don't understand why it's me you ask. Is it because I'm a zebra, you racist bas-"
Author: Stop.
Rarity: But...
Author: It wouldn't have even partially rhymed if I'd let you continue.

The whole town is soaked, plants and wagons are upturned everywhere! We were just lucky that everypony survived!”

Author: It's a drug PSA. No one ever dies in one.

A low murmur exuded from the crowd, a wall of worried faces looking between each other. Zecora faced the mayor and said,” It is my most unfortunate shame, to show these two are to blame.” She pointed to the yellow Twilight and orange Rainbow Dash.

Twilight: They're so out of character, they've changed color.
Rarity: Just like when Discord was messing with our personalities!
Twilight: I get it! The author must have planned this all along! He or she's brilliant!
Author: They're so out of character, they're out of "coloracter"! (neck snapped by Twilight, but he's okay since this no one can die in a PSA)

” When poison joke is there to inhale, only madness and chaos will prevail.” The mayor scowled as she looked at the two doomed mares and bellowed,” This is completely unacceptable! Not only did you smoke Poison Joke, against the law I might add,

Author: You have to be twenty one or older.

but you almost destroyed the town because of it.” She raised her hoof,” As mayor of Ponyville, I will see you go to court! This crime is punishable by community service for-“

Author: OBJECTION!

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie’s head bursts out of the ground. Her head is now a cool greenish blue and she growls,” FOREVER!”

Rarity: Did Pinkie Pie just riff the story she was in?
Twilight: It's not the first time.

The mayor rolls her eyes and says,” Not forever. I was about to say ‘until your coat changes back to its normal color.” Pinkie Pie said,” Oh, woopsie doopsie! Hahahahahaha” The mayor then places a hoof on her face.

Author: I've been wanting to do that all story. Except with my fist. And a lot harder.

The next morning, Spike is running through a sea of zombie ponies.

Twilight: Anyone up for a swim?

A double barrel shotgun

Author: "This is my boomstick!"

in one claw and a frightened Rarity clinging onto another.” Oh Spike, they are everywhere! What are we ever to do?” She places a hoof on her head. Spike grabs onto her shoulders and says,” Whatever happens here tonight, babe, I won’t let them take you away. We will get away if I have to put a slug in each and every undead scum of a mule here!” Rarity blushes and says softly,” Kiss me you fool!” He bends down slowly, about to kiss her beautiful lips.

Author: You know what? This is awesome. I don't care if the writer just jumped into a completely different story, this looks so bad ass! I want to see where this story goes!

*CRASH* Spike falls onto the floor next to his bed. He gets up, clasps his head, and groans.

Author: (sighs) Nevermind...

He opens his eyes and sees a yellow and purple swirled pony standing above him. “Are you okay Spike?” Twilight asked as she put an icepack on his head with her magic. The sky was still pitch black through the windows;

Rarity: It seems SOME alicorn hasn't been doing their job.

the time on the clock was 4:30 A.M. “Better than you, I should say. Look at you, Twi-dye Sparkle” Spike chuckled,” If I was you, I would totally keep that fur pattern! Maybe you can form a drum circle with Fluttershy and Angel.”

Author: That... Actually sounds kind of interesting. More interesting THAN THIS BLOODY STORY! GAH!
Rarity: Author! Language!
Author: Oh, c'mon, this story is rated R for language, and there's BARELY BEEN ANY! SO I'LL CURSE RIGHT NOW! (takes deep breath) BUCK!
Twilight: Wow. Don't over do it now. Drama queen...

He laughed even harder. Twilight rolled her eyes and said,” While it does look neat, only when it’s gone can I stop doing community service.” She groaned in her shame muttering,” How can I let myself do something so dumb, Spike? I knew that it felt wrong, but I just let them tell me what to do.”

Author: "If only had some totally radical mascot to tell a young thang like me what to say when faced with peer pressure!

With that she perked her head up, she said in a more authoritative tone,” Spike, take a letter!”

Rarity: But ask permission, first.

Spike grumbled and walked over to the table, he picked up a piece of parchment and a feather pen,” Alright I’m all ears.”

Twilight. "Literally."

Dear Princess Celestia,

I learned that while doing activities with your friends is a fun and worthwhile endeavor, one must know what is right and wrong.

Rarity: Everything is black and white in Equestria!

If something your friends are doing feels wrong to you and maybe hurting themselves or others, then you should put your hoof down and say no. Making your friends mad is no fun,

Author: "But making them high is hilarious!"

but falling into peer pressure can be harmful to yourself and others around you, and that is no fun at all. A true friend will respect your decisions and listen to your opinions and, in the end, both of you will be happier and better for it. Having self confidence and doing what is right instead of following the crowd is hard, but is a sign of true wisdom and courage. In the end, ponies will respect you for your bravery.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle

Author: P.S. If you're looking for a good dealer, try behind Sugar Cube Corner at 3 AM.

“Did you get all that?” Twilight asked. Spike nodded his head,

Rarity: "Nope!"

” Yup!” “Great.” Twilight said as she put on her reflective orange vest.

Author: She's working for the department of transportation?

Spike tried to stifle a laugh, a tie dye purple and yellow unicorn wearing a shiny orange vest is very hard not to laugh at.

Rarity: It. Is. ON!

Twilight sighed,” Well, I’m off to do my duties. I have to clean off all the houses that were hit by the wave yesterday.” With her head lowered, she walked out of the house, into the shadows of the early morning darkness. With the letter in hand, Spike had an excellent idea.

Author: He's going to draw dicks all over it before sending the letter off.

He goes to a dresser next to the bookshelves, pulls it away to reveal a hole in the wall.

Author: If you can fit through the cutout, you can win the grand prize!

He reaches into the hole and pulls out a small bag. He upturns the bag onto the freshly written note, a fresh wad of mashed up poison joke. He burns the note, sending it off to Celestia, and giggles hard to himself as he walks back to his little bed.

Twilight: Spike. You are officially the stupidest individual I know.

On the platform overlooking the valley, Luna focuses her magic on the moon. The giant silver sphere blinks out of existence as the night comes to an end. “All done, Sister. Let the night end and the day begin.” She smiled at Celestia as she walked away into the castle. Celestia smiled back at Luna,” Well done, I’m so pleased that you are happy and well.”

Rarity: That was so forced.
Author: You can just tell they hate each others guts.

She turns to walk up on the platform when suddenly a burst of green flame sprouted in front of her. A note appeared in a thick blue haze of smoke. Celestia hacked and coughed when she breathed in that smoke in shock.

Author: This is why you higher security to pre-screen your letters. Could you imagine if there was ammonia in there?

She used a wing to blow the excess smoke away to nothing, and then she just stood there. Her eyes widened, her smile grew, and all throughout Canterlot, her giddy high pitched laughter filled the air.

Rarity: Oh my...

She tiptoed over on the platform and closed her eyes. The sun shot up in the sky and glowed in many different colors. In the center was a huge goofy looking smiley face. “Sun soooooo pretty!” Celestia mumbled as the sun danced in the sky.

Twilight: And the apocalypse is here.
Author: Everyone burns to death or freezes. Happy days.

The End.

Rarity: By far the best two words in the entire story.
Twilight: Seconded.
Author: Thirded.

---

Author: I'm curious now as to what else can make ponies high.
Twilight: We... don't really talk about it in Equestria.
Rarity: You may find this difficult to believe, but drug problems are quite rare.
Author: I wonder why?
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) They do exist! Not many kinds, but there's been some stuff in the cities. Like, I remember this one stallion tried selling me some "Sonic Rainbooms".
Rarity: There's also "Gem Rocks".
Twilight Sparkle: I'll admit, I had a small problem with "Parchment Powder" when I was younger, but I'm clean now.
Author: Although I have a feeling you've suffered a relapse or two...
Twilight: What was that?
Author: Nothing!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) That's nothing! I remember when I used to be hooked on this thing called "Sugar"!
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) Pinkie Pie? I think you're still hooked on that stuff.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) What? Don't be silly!
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) It's what you use in all your ingredients! It's not even a drug, just something you like to eat!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Oh, uh... That's right! Sorry!
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) The things I put up with for pranks...
(Rainbow Dash presses the button, and the TV turns off with a blip)

Next Chapter: Rainbow Factory Estimated time remaining: 42 Hours, 29 Minutes