The room exploded into motion. Rarity shrieked and flung herself backward, her chair tipping onto its back legs and overbalancing. Fluttershy scrambled further away from the melee, smacking into the table's pedestal and rattling all the glasses and bottles. Pinkie leaped up and dove at Dash from behind. Twilight froze, heart stopping. Applejack fluidly stepped inside the swing, throwing her forelegs around Dash's barrel. Rainbow windmilled backward, colliding with Pinkie Pie. The three of them went down in a heap.

"Nggaah!" Rainbow tried to thrash free, but Applejack pulled her fores tighter and flung Dash sideways, slamming her on her back and sitting on Dash's flailing wings and forelegs. Pinkie scrambled over and threw herself atop Dash's hinds. Rainbow struggled ineffectually, then lay still, wheezing for breath.

Rarity, who had somersaulted backward onto the floor when her chair went down, staggered up onto unsteady hooves. Twilight shook off her paralysis and galloped over to the scene of the fight. Under the table, Fluttershy whimpered.

"We all calm now?" Applejack asked.

"Ahuhh," Dash gasped, scrunching her eyes closed, tears pooling and spilling. "How dare you, Gilda. Ahuh. After everything I did for you … to tell me I wasn't good enough."

Applejack shifted her weight, then cautiously got off Rainbow's chest. "Dash?" she asked, confused.

Dash sobbed. "Who am I kidding? I'm such a fuckup. I did ruin it. Come back. Please."

Applejack looked around helplessly. Twilight's eyes widened in recognition. "The letter," she whispered. "Miss Hooves said she got a letter from overseas this morning."

AJ nodded slowly. "Gilda ain't here, sugarcube," she said, stroking Dash's shoulder. "She ain't been for a while. But your friends are. Can you take a nice, deep breath for us?"

"Ahuh. Ahuuh." Dash lay limply, eyelids fluttering.

Pinkie gently rolled Dash over onto her side, then looked up, the curls of her mane wilting. "New rule. Nopony mentions you-know-who for the rest of the party."

Rarity righted her chair with a hornburst and sat down heavily. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought her up."

"You couldn't have known. None of us could," Twilight said. "Is Dash going to be okay?"

Applejack looked up. "Come to think of it, she's been drinkin' awful heavy all night — about half our moonshine. That ain't healthy."

Twilight sighed. "There are some sobriety charms in Dusk Shine's Compendium of Household Magic. I'm going to go get it. We're friends here, and I need to get things back under control before somepony ends up regretting tonight."

"I'll be fine," Dash mumbled. " 'Msorry."

"It's alright, Rainbow. Just lie there. I'll be right back."

"No. 'M ruining things again. I'll jus get back to my chair, an the party …" Rainbow sat up, swaying unsteadily. "I … I dnn feel so good. Hrrk." Her body wracked with a spasm, and vomit sprayed out onto the floor.

"Eeerrgh!" Twilight said, backpedaling.

Applejack sighed. "Ah, haybales. I'll get 'er to the bathroom. There's gonna be more where that came from."

Dash's body lit up in a pale blue glow and lifted off the floor. AJ looked up, surprised. "… Rare?"

"Come on, Rainbow Dash." Rarity walked over and nodded at Applejack. "I shall take care of it."

"Um, no offense, Rare," Applejack said, "but it's gonna be a mite messy. Sit back. I've done this before."

Rarity winced, but stood firm. "Applejack, she is my friend too, and I feel as though this is my fault. It's something I need to do."

"Suit yourself." AJ looked around and grabbed a towel. "I'll clean."

Fluttershy crept out from under the table toward Applejack. "Um, I can help. It won't bother me. I deal with lots of messes when my animals get sick."

"I'll, uh, go get that spell," Twilight said, and retreated.

Between Applejack and Fluttershy, the mess was quickly sopped up from the hardwood floor. The muffled sound of retching echoed in from the bathroom. The other ponies stopped to listen, expecting shrieks to follow it, but all they heard was some tender shushing and quiet sobbing.

Applejack sighed. "Well, that coulda gone better. She … uh …" Her attention was drawn to Pinkie, who was sitting quietly on her chair, hair deflated. "You alright, sugarcube?"

Pinkie's head snapped up. "Oh! AJ." She gave Applejack a sad smile. "Poor Dashie. It's hard seeing her like this, you know?"

"She's havin' a rough night."

"It's … not just tonight." Pinkie's voice was subdued. "I'm trying to make her happy, trying really hard, and I know she likes it and it feels really good when she lets herself go and enjoys me, even if she doesn't want to go beyond kisses, which is fine because really what's important is being with her, and rutting's just another way to have fun …" Pinkie's smile relaxed, but she let out a wistful sigh. "But sometimes it feels like she's doing it all for me. Like … I'm not actually making her happy but she enjoys me too much to say no." Pinkie paused at Applejack's expression. "Does that sound weird?"

"No," Twilight and Fluttershy chorused.

"Say the saltheads," Applejack muttered. She rested a hoof on Pinkie's shoulder. "I promise you, Pinkie, it ain't anything to do with you. I don't think Dash knows what she wants right now … and that letter ain't helping things. We can talk with her tomorrow after everypony's had a chance to sleep things off. Right now I think she just needs a good cry, and if she can do that on Rare's shoulder, then how she feels about you don't have to get tangled up more with the whole Gilda mess."

Pinkie gave Applejack a genuine smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling and her hair poofing back out. "Thanks, Jackie." She leaned forward and slipped forehooves around her shoulders in a hug, nuzzling into her neck. "You're a good friend."

"That's what we're here for," Applejack said, smiling back.

A few minutes later, they'd regathered around the couch, where Dash was laid out, pale and damp, smelling of apples and a cloying sweetness.

"You sure about that spell of yours?" Applejack asked Twilight. "She looks sicker'n when you started."

"That's the alcohol sweating out through her skin. This spell pulls it out bit by bit and brings her down gently." Twilight shifted uncomfortably. "There's a Stone Cold Sober version too, but the book says it's awfully unpleasant."

"It's helping," Dash said quietly. "I'm … hrm. 'Better' would be the wrong word. A little less drunk."

"Aw," Pinkie said, leaning over the arm of the sofa with her face above Rainbow's. "A little less kisses."

"Heh." Dash smiled despite herself. "I'll owe you some, okay? I'm pretty sure I remember some swearing that you didn't get me for."

"Deal!" Pinkie said, and gave her a quick peck on the nose.

Dash turned her head to glance around her other friends. "Would it help the rest of you," she said quietly, "if I apologized?"

"It would help if you promised to talk to us about you-know-who," Applejack said, putting a hoof on Dash's leg. "We're your friends, Dash. You're supposed to be able to come to us when things hurt, not take swings at our faces."

"I know," Dash said, not able to meet her gaze. "I was way out of line. There's no excuse. I just … she's the last thing I wanted to think about, tonight."

"It's alright, darling." Rarity put her hoof next to Applejack's on Dash's leg. "We're here for you, even when you do things that some of us may regret. For instance, I'll thank you not to vomit on my legs again … but no matter what, we are your friends. Isn't that right, Twilight?"

Twilight nodded. "Well put."

Dash laughed humorlessly. "You must be my friends, if you can forgive me for fucking tonight up so royally."

"You said it again," Pinkie said, leaning down, brushing her nose against Dash's, her pink mane framing the pegasus' face.

"Are you still counting those? I'm gonna have a lot of kisses to make up for tomorrow. Wanna cash them in at … hmm. Two o'clock at Miller's Pond?"

"It's a date!"

Dash grinned. "Great! Then: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck."

"That's starting to not even sound like a real word," Twilight said as Pinkie giggled.