Nightmares In Paradise
Chapter 5: Coming into Contact with The Common Cunt
Previous Chapter Next ChapterJust as soon as Damian, Kit, and Tate had fled the scene, they were pulled back to reality just as quickly. Well, actually, wrangled back to reality with Applejack's random rope that she seems to pull out in the most need-able experiences. Applejack lassoed the three adolescents and tied them to a tree. While they squirmed with all of their might, no amount of Steroids could break a rope handled by Applejack.
"Sorry ta be so rough with ya, ummm....Whatever the hay ya are!" Yelled Applejack. "But I needed ta get you in position....."
"Po-Position?" Said Kit, obviously terrified. He didn't know what these Ponies were capable of.
"Yes," replied Twilight. "We have some......Questions to ask you...." Everypony else nodded.
"I'll start...." Said Pinkie with a serious expression, but it quickly turned into a big smile. "Would you like some CUPCAKES?"
"Cupcakes?" Said Kit, confused like a 10 year old should be. Pinkie nodded.
"You mean, you DON'T wanna eat us?" Said Damian, shivering. At this, Pinkie hung her head as she started to think about....The nightmare. A nightmare which she will NOT talk about.
"I thought I was over that.... "Thought Pinkie.
"If you didn't know, ponies don't eat meat. We are herbivores." Twilight said with a smirk
"You're a nerd is what ya are!" Replied Tate. Twilight scowled at this.....Uh oh.....
"SHUT UP, DUDE!" Screamed Damian, somehow elbowing Tate the slightest bit. "They'll EAT us!"
"We aren't gonna eat you." Said Rainbow Dash. "We just want to know.....Who made that noise?"
"You mean the REALLY loud noise?" Asked Kit. Everypony nodded. "Our dad and his friends."
"Can you please take us to your father? What a horrible father he must be...." Said Rarity with a scoff. "Letting you run off like some wild animals! I'll have to give him a piece of my mind!" Rarity stomped her hooves in disgust.
With this, the 3 boys got an evil Grin on their face.
"Before you do that....." said Damian. "Now it's our turn to ask YOU some questions!"
Applejack glared at the boys. "They're good....." she thought. "What'do ya need ta know?" She asked.
"Where are WE? And how are you talking to us?!" Asked the confused Tate. Everyone looked at the boy with the same look he had.
"What do you mean?" Asked Twilight. "Have you....Never seen talking Ponies before?" All the boys shook their head no. Everypony gasped.
"Just where are YOU guys from?" Asked Rainbow Dash.
"Yes," said Rarity. "There certainly isn't anything that looks like you 3 here in Ponyille!"
"That information is top secret." Said Kit with a grin. His brother chuckled. "We don't trust you Ponies...."
"YEAH!" Said Tate. "Especially TALKING ponies!"
"Well," explained Twilight. "We are able to talk....Because....Because....Yes!"
Spike snickered. "Good explanation, Lufisto." He said. Twilight just glared at him.
"Well.....OKAY!" Said Damian. "We'll take you to the scene of the noise." With that, Applejack untangled the rope, and the 3 boys we're free.
"And if ya'll even THINK about runnin' away, I'll have ta ride you like a Bull." Said Applejack. The boys cringed. They still didn't trust these Ponies, especially the Pink one. They didn't want any friggen cupcakes!
"Follow us!" Said Tate. And with that, the Mane 6, the Main Dragon, and the Main Morons were off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of-Oh shit, wrong type of Entertainment entirely!
Meanwhile.....
Pyro-Zi was now closer to town than before. Behind his current observatory, A.K.A, a bush, he spotted Freddie's children, six ponies, and one baby Dragon walking in the Distance.
"What in the? Computer!" Pyro-Zi quietly yelled. Then, all of a sudden, a medium sized Computer unwinded at Pyro-Zi's command. The computer could tell Pyro-Zi about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Even about different towns lying in the Heart's of different dimensions.
"Yes, Emperor?" Asked the Robotic voice. "How may I assist you?"
"Where.....Am I?!" Yelled Pyro-Zi, not believing what he had just seen.
"Calculating....." Said the computer loading data. "You are in a town known as Ponyville, which resides in the continent of Equestria."
"Hmmmm.....Excellent! That will do for now, computer."
"Thank you for using me." And with that, the computer was off for the Moment.
"Ponyville? That would explain the Ponies....But the dragon? Hmmm....There must be a wide variety of species here. Like that bird-like monstrosity I encountered! I will need to keep a close eye on those Ponies, and their little dragon too!" With that, Pyro-Zi channeled his inner-Spy and cloaked himself. He would now be invisible until he was bored. "Swell......Now to investigate!" Pyro-Zi said with an evil cackle.
Random mothafucking Field......
Freddie was not happy. He never said he was a good parent. The proof is in the pudding, for pancake's sake, he Brought his kids to his line of Work EVERYDAY! And it was NOT a safe work Environment, either. But now.....They had run off, and god knows to where they even were. No one wanted to help look, they just wanted peace. And at the moment, Freddie was looking for his children QUIETLY, so he would not disturb the Zen place of his fellow Employees.
Ryback was still sitting idly by the Tree. He was surprised how quiet and peaceful this place was. He enjoyed peace, even though he was a juggernaut.
Nova and Ze were, of all things, playing Patty Cake with eachother. They tried to play quietly, though, so they wouldn't harm the Peace freely flowing through the air.
Austin Ross was surveying the Area. If he had his Gun with him, he could practice for WWE Fortress. He did have survival instincts, after all. But this damn Eye-Patch was getting on his nerves! He, of course, had his ignorant nephew to blame for It.
CM Punk had never drank a drop of Alcohol in his life, but right now, he REALLY needed some. He was stuck somewhere that he didn't even know. He just tried to think Positive, as he normally did.
Marcus Sims was being grumpy as usual. He wondered how CM Punk could be WWE Champion. Marcus knew he was better than Punk at everything, and, if given the opportunity, he could EASILY take his title. Then, he realized, he didn't even have his own title with Him at the Moment. This made him pissed, so he started kicking random Trees. Ryback got up and glared at Marcus, his peace being destroyed.
"Sorry..." Was all the terrified Marcus could say. With that, he sat down and just thought about where he was. Ryback grumbled.
What else would Zane and Nathan be doing, then Watching My Little Pony. With their headphones on, of course. They had a third Pair available for Freddie, but they didn't want to ask because they knew he was busy. About what, they didn't know, but they knew it must've been serious.
Freddie had had enough. He figured it was too dangerous to go into town, but he ran out of Options. He loved his children, and didn't want anything bad to happen to them. So, he decided he would be journeying off into Ponyville.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Screamed Freddie at the top of his lungs. Everyone stopped what they were doing immediately. Even Zane and Nathan heard it, so they took of their headphones.
"What the hell's your problem?" Asked Marcus, as he was obviously annoyed.
"BE BACK LATER GUYS, I GOTTA GO FIND MY KIDS-" But before he could finish his sentence, he heard the all so Familiar voice of Damian.
"DAD!" Then, Freddie saw his sons approach up the Mountain. They ran to him.
"Oh thank GOD!" Yelled an excited Freddie, hugging his sons as embarrassment fell on their face. "Where did you go? Don't EVER leave me again! You have no idea how worried I wa-"
"DAD!" Yelled Kit as loudly as he could. Freddie shut the fuck up.
"We......Found some people who want to see you guys." Explained Tate.
"What? Are we famous already?" Asked Punk with a smirk.
And then, they saw it. 6 ponies, one Dragon, walking intently down to where they were. On sight of, Freddie, Nathan and Zane's jaws dropped in awe.
"Can-Can it BEEEEEEE?" Said Zane with an exciting hint in his voice.
"IT-IT IIIIISSSSSS....." Nathan said slowly. Taking this all in.
"Hey, look." Said Nova. "Some animals escaped from the Zoo." With that comment, Zane kicked Nova in the nuts. Nova groaned loudly.
Ze laughed. "Ze thinks that is most funny!"
"Ummm......Dad? Guys?" Said Damian. "These are....."
At the same time, Zane and Nathan said it with enough electricity to power the town of Detroit. "THE MANE 6!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Who?" Asked Marcus. "No. They're just some damn ponies." Zane and Nathan shot him a glare.
All the Mane 6 and Spike could do was stare. There were.....MORE are them. Whatever they were, they looked quite odd.
In no instant, Zane and Nathan ran right up to the unsuspecting Ponies and Dragon, and stared at that with the creepiest smile ever known to Man....Or even Dolphin.
"Yup...." Said Applejack. "Told ya they were Jumping mutant graham-crackers. Only jumping mutant graham-crackers would have looks like that on their face....."
"Please, Applejack. Be nice." Said Twilight. "Hello, my name is-"
"TWILIGHT SPARKLE." said Zane and Nathan at the same Time. Freddie just chuckled. This was gonna be funny.
"Ummmm....." Said Twilight, not knowing what to think. "Yes.....And these are my Friends-"
"APPLEJACK, RAINBOW DASH, FLUTTERSHY, PINKIE PIE, RARITY, AND SPIKE!"
The Mane 6 and Spike just stared with their jaws agape. These people didn't look like they were from around here. But they certainly knew who they were.
"How did-How did you-" Twilight tried to ask.
"Shut up you two." Said Freddie, gesturing to Nathan and Zane. The two pouted. They couldn't believe they were in Ponyville! In front of their IDOLS! It was by far, the greatest day in their lives! "It's.....Kind of hard to explain....." He said, scratching the back of his neck.
"Spill the beans....." Said Rainbow Dash. She was pissed that whoever these people were had showed up instead of Sniper.
"Well......What would you like to know?" Freddie asked.
"EVERYTHING." said Twilight, not wasting anytime to get answers from these freaks.
And so Freddie told them EVERYTHING. About where they were from, about My Little Pony, about Television, about internet, everything they wanted to Know.
"WHOA." Said Twilight, halting the constant speaking. "Did you say you were.....HUMANS?" Freddie nodded. At this, Twilight got a creepy grin on her face that could rival Zane and Nathan's. Twilight started salivating at the word HUMAN.
"That pony has Rabies!" Yelled Marcus. "KILL IT BEFORE IT BITES US!" This earned him another glare from Zane and Nathan. Marcus just shrugged.
"I've been waiting for a Human to show up here for a WEEK....." Said Twilight, slowly approaching Freddie. "Would you all mind.....COMING TO MY LAB?!"
Everyone just stared at her, except Zane and Nathan, who smiled widely.
"Do you wish to experiment on us?" Asked Nathan. Twilight nodded while grinning evilly.
"This is a discovery of EPIC proportions!" Twilight explained. "Once word gets out that Humans are back in Ponyville.....And when I tell everyone that I discovered them....I'll be the most sought after Ponyville in all of Equestria!" Twilight then laughed an evil laugh.
"I take it that Humans don't show up here too Often." Austin asked.
"ONLY A HANDFUL, HOW LUCKY ARE YOU ALL?" Twilight's eyes started to spin. "AND WHEN MY EXPERIMENTS ARE DONE....I CAN MAKE A WHOLE ARMY OF HUMANS! I WILL BE THE MOST INTELLIGENT PONY OF ALL TIME!"
Applejack had had enough, she mule-kicked Twilight right in the face. Twilight was stunned, but quickly regained her composure.
"Ouch...." Twilight said, rubbing her head. "Sorry about that. That was Maniacal Twilight. She only shows up once in a while." Everyone just blinked at her.
"WAIT!" Rarity said. "So, since we have our own "Television Show"....Does that mean we are FAMOUS?!"
"YOU ARE THE MOST FAMOUS PONIES IN THE HISTORY OF PONIES!" Nathan and Zane said.
"Somebody catch me....." Rarity said, putting a hoof to her head. In a jiffy, Nathan and Zane had the white Pony in their arms.
"Ah don't mean to sound like a Bad Apple to ya'll.....But this is just WEIRD."
"You're telling me...." Said Punk. Rarity saw the 20 pounds of Gold on Punk's shoulder, and squealed.
"THAT-THAT MAGNIFICENT PIECE OF JEWELRY! Wherever did you get it?!"
Punk was confused, but looked at his Shoulder. "This? I won this." He said, proudly displaying it up in the Air.
"Showoff...." Marcus growled.
"May-May I.....HAVE IT?" Asked Rarity, begging.
Punk laughed out loud. "Are you SERIOUS?! Why would I give my Title to a fluffy marshmallow like You?!" Everyone else laughed.
"Hmph...." Scoffed Rarity. "Very well, then.....I guess I will have to use CHARM......" Rarity smirked, and gave Punk the look she always gave colts when she Wanted something. "May I PLEASE have that truly SPECTACULAR piece of Jewelry on your Shoulder?" She batted her eyes.
Again, all Punk could do was laugh. Rarity couldn't believe it! The look worked on everypony! "I think Freddie forgot to tell you Ponies something.....On Earth, we DO NOT mingle with Ponies. We are involved with our own Kind. But I thank you for making me laugh...."
"WHAT?!" Screamed Rarity. "Well, what role do ponies play where you are From?"
"They wallow in their own shit as stupid kids Pet their filthy coats." Everypony gasped. "They eat carrots all day, then eat the shit that carried the bits of carrots. It's quite entertaining to watch, actually." Marcus smirked at his Bold answer.
"Is that some kind of.....Cruel joke?" Said Rainbow Dash, mad at how these people lived. "Can they talk, at least?"
"Nope." Replied Sims, Rainbow Dash grew an angry Expression. "But, apparently here in ass-backwards land, they Do! How fucking great!?" Sims crossed his arms.
"You really should watch your language...." Twilight warned. "This is a peaceful place, and we don't need your insulting words."
"Ooooooohhhhhhhhh...." Sims said sarcastically. "My apologies, Ms. Purple Nurple......Who made you queen of this shit?!"
"Let me at him, Twilight!" Yelled Rainbow Dash. "I'll knock him back to Earth!"
"I can't let you do that, Rainbow Dash." Twilight replied. "But.....I have a backup Plan....."
Suddenly, Magic Tape covered Sims' mouth. He tried to rip it off, but only got zapped by it in the process.
"HOLY SHIT! SHE CAN USE MAGIC?!" Sims thought. Duh, dumbass.....
"Sorry about him....." Freddie apologized. "He just has.....A bit of a Temper." Everypony nodded.
"There anything else you incredible Things would like to know?" Zane asked, and Nathan nodded.
"Yes." Said Twilight. "But first....A suggestion...."
Zane and Nathan fell to their knees and bowed to their Queen, Queen Sparkle, the purple and loony. "Why, anything.....Your majesty!" The fan-boys said.
"I understand we are of great Importance where you are from," Twilight said. "But please, treat us as Equals." Twilight smiled.
"IMPOSSIBLE!" Nathan said. "WE LOVE YOU GIRLS AND WILL TREAT YOU AS GODDESSES"
Rarity blushed. "I say let them!" Everypony glared at her. "What? We have fans, darlings! We should capitalize!"
"Do ya want me to get mah Rope, Twi?" Applejack asked. With that, Zane and Nathan backed off.
"Nevermind!" Nathan said with fear. "Perhaps another time." Rarity frowned.
"Well, hey!" Pinkie said, finally getting in on the conversation. "So, what is all of your names? Are they cool names? I bet they are, ya know, since you're Humans and all! And, humans seem pretty cool, so, I was just wondering....."
"PINKIE!" Twilight screamed. "Let them talk." Pinkie nodded silently.
"Well," Nathan said. "My name is Nathan Bougeno, and this is my best Friend, Zane Dotson." They both smiled hugely.
"My name is Freddie Hediger. B.I.T." Freddie smirked.
"B.I.T.?" Applejack asked.
"Brony in Training." Freddie answered. Nathan and Zane nodded.
"What is a "Brony"?" Twilight asked.
"It's just what the Fans of My Little Pony are called." Zane answered quickly.
"I see...." Twilight replied.
"Ze believes at birth, that his name was announced to be Stephen Viking, but you can call Ze....Ze!" Ze said, confusing Pinkie Pie.
"Wow! Ze, you should meet our friend Trixie!" Rainbow Dash said. "She talks in third person...Like you!"
"Is she hot?" Nova asked. Ze facepalmed.
"Last time Ze checked, Ze noticed Ponies are NOT hot." Ze answered.
"Except Rarity...." Nathan mumbled, but Rarity heard, and started Blushing.
"She's......Charming, at best." Twilight answered and chuckled awkwardly.
"HE'S IN!" Nova answered for Ze. "See, bro? Told ya I'd score you a knockout!" Nova smirked at his accomplishment, even though he hadn't done shit.
"Ummmm.....Thanks?" Ze answered.
"My name's Austin Ross." Austin said, waving.
"Wow. Ya look an awful lot like Demoman." Applejack said, reminiscing.
"Wait...." Freddie said. "You guys know Demoman?!"
Applejack nodded. "They just left here last week. Mighty odd bunch of people, kind of like ya'll. But a hoot to hang around with, non-the-less."
"Whoa...." Nova said. "Team RED was here?!"
"Actually," Twilight said. "It was Team BLU, but Team RED came here too, to bring them home."
"Were they Ponies when they came here?" Austin asked.
"Yup!" Pinkie answered. "They were AWESOME! They saved Ponvyille like, EIGHT times!"
"Wow!" Freddie said, surprised. "Can't believe we missed them...."
Twilight smiled. "Well, hopefully the SECOND batch of humans will be more....Helpful in my quest to learn all I can about the species. I did not get much in the way of knowledge of your kind from Team BLU." She frowned.
"Ze believes you should've been more apprehensive. Yell at them to give them the information you desire, of you would turn crazy, like you did earlier, and PROBE them all!" Ze said boldly. Twilight just stared at him. "Ze is sorry for giving stupid ideas...." He then apologized.
"I wonder why they were Turned Ponies....But we WEREN'T?" Punk said.
"Not sure.....But I'm sure I can find out!" Twilight said, smiling.
"Anyway," Nova said. "My name is James Wilson, but I go by Nova. GOT IT?"
"Ummm...." Twilight said. "I'm pretty sure."
"GOOD." Nova said, giving the Ponies the stink Eye.
"Ya'll are mighty weird." Applejack stated the obvious.
"Well, if I may. You are all talking Ponies......" Austin stated.
"Yeh." Applejack said. "But we're used to that. Ya'll are just.....Out of this World!"
"Literally." Twilight said. Applejack nodded.
"My name is Phillip Brooks. But you can call me, C.M. Punk!" Punk said, Smirking.
"Why do ya'll have a real Name, AND a nickname?" Applejack said, curious.
"We'll explain later." Punk replied, not answering anything until he could trust these Ponies.
"Excuse me, Phillip?" Rarity said, getting used to the name. "Do you mind if I call you C.M. Gem?" Rarity suggested, still staring at Punk's title.
"Do you want me to pawn this Title off?" Punk said.
"OH NO! THAT WOULD BE A CRIME AGAINST JEWELRY!" Rarity yelled. Punk smirked.
"And these are my Children," Freddie said. "Damian, Kit, and Tate"
"Dad," Kit said. "Why are you telling these Ponies all of this?"
"Yeah!" Tate said. "How can we trust Them?!"
"Trust us." Twilight said. "We are the most Trustworthy Ponies you have ever met."
"We'll see about that....." Damian said. The ponies Gulped. What the hell where they gonna do?
"Boys," Freddie said. "........SHUT UP." With that, the 3 brats sat down and crossed their Arms. Pinkie giggled.
"And that grouch over, there," Punk said, gesturing to Marcus. "Is Marcus Sims." All Sims could do was flip Punk off.
"Hi, Marcus!" Pinkie said, hopping over. "Would you like a Cupcake?" Then, she started to Snicker. "Oh....I'm sorry...You're a little too shocked at the moment!" Pinkie busted up laughing, until Marcus grabbed her tail. Pinkie yelped, and that was all Ryback needed to come out of the Shadows.
Ryback grabbed Sims by the throat, and pressed him up against the Tree, slowly forcing the Life out of him.
What Sims was saying was muffled between the choking and the Tape, but Ryback suggested it was a very sincere "I'm sorry!" So he put him down Roughly.
"THAT. WAS. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Rainbow Dash. All Ryback could do was smile under his long black Hair.
"Oh, yes!" Said Punk. "I almost forgot, this is our big Homie, Ryback. He'll keep Marcus in line if he tries to hurt any of you."
"Oh," Pinkie explained. "He didn't hurt me, I was just surprised!"
"As long as Ryback gets to hurt Marcus, he doesn't care!" Freddie said while laughing.
"Ya'll seem like an odd Bunch." Applejack said, once again stating the obvious. "Mind if we try to get to know ya'll a little bit?"
"Sure." Austin said. "It seems as though Nathan, Zane and Freddie already know your names. But the rest of us don't watch the Show. So could you maybe....?"
"Ah," Twilight said. "Of course. My name, is Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia's number 1 student."
"I'm Rainbow Dash!" Dash said. "The fastest flier in all of Equestria.
"I'm Rarity," Rarity said, shaking her mane. "Fashion designer extraordinaire!" Punk snickered. "And may I say, Freddie....You have some eloquent hair!" Rarity said, noticing Freddie's purple fauxhawk.
"Oh? This? I look like a friggen rooster!" Freddie said. Everyone laughed.
"I think it looks WONDERFUL!" Rarity said. "Would you mind, later, if you show me how you get such a Hairstyle?"
"Of course!" Freddie said enthusiastically.
"I'm Applejack." The hick said. "Proud owner of one Quarter of Sweet Apple Acres!"
"I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie said, jumping up and down. Soon, Nathan and Zane joined her in jumping. Everyone else facepalmed. "I'm Ponvyille's official Party planner!"
"WE WANT A PARTY!" Nathan and Zane shouted.
"OKAY! But it may take a while to plan, sooooo....Keep your horseshoes on." Pinkie said with a wink.
"I'm Spike!" The baby dragon said. "I'm Twilight's....."
"He is my assistant." Twilight answered with a Smirk.
"Uhhh, yeah....." Spike said.
"WHOA! Dragons can talk here, too?!" Nova said, amazed.
"Why, yes. Almost all species in Equestria can talk." Twilight answered.
"ZE'S JAW HAS BEEN DROPPED." Ze said. Nova took his hand a punched it back into place. Ze yelped in Pain.
"And who are you?" Punk said, gesturing at Fluttershy, who hadn't said a Word since they got here.
"Fluttershy....." The kind Pony said ever so softly. "I mean, if that's okay with you..." Fluttershy cowered.
"She's shy." Zane said. Nathan nodded. Ryback noticed Fluttershy's shyness, and walked up to her. Fluttershy cowered in fear.
"Hey, big guy, leave her al-" Rainbow Dash tried to say.
"Shhh...." Austin said. "He's just being friendly."
And it looks like the ever rare species known as the Rybackus, is slowly trying to get inside the pants of the extremely shy species known as the Fluttershisis. SHIT! The Rybackus has figured out, that the Fluttershisis, attains no pair of pants.....It would appear that the great Rybackus' plan to be horny, has all but failed....
Austin was right. All Ryback did was pet Fluttershy's flowing Pink mane. Fluttershy instantly felt better, and even gave Ryback a smile.
"Wow...." Fluttershy said, amazed. "For someone so BIG.....You are so kind." Ryback just smiled. He then petted all of the Other ponies, except he had a bit of trouble with Rainbow Dash.
"Ummm..." Dash said, embarrassed. "That's okay." Ryback just shrugged.
"Okay," Freddie said. "Now that we've gotten all of that out of the way. Let's get to know eachother." Freddie smiled.
"Well...." Twilight thought. "Where to start?"
Next Chapter: Roommates Estimated time remaining: 6 Hours, 43 Minutes