“Let’s see,” said Pinkie Pie, squinting at the chalkboard. Her gaze roamed from a crude picture of Celestia with a huge grin on her face to one of an infatuated Twilight surrounded by hearts popping like bubbles. She connected the two images by drawing an arrow with her chalk.

“We’ve got Celestia and Twilight. Or if you want to shorten it, ‘Twilestia.’ And then...” As Pinkie continued, she gestured to two more crude sketches. One was a bored Rainbow Dash, and the other depicted an upright, disembodied wing. “Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have been going out for a couple months now. Hence the codename: RainbowShy.”

Pinkie Pie spun around to meet her audience. “Any questions?”

The recreation room was almost empty. The only one watching Pinkie was Princess Luna.

“Do you seek a lover of your own? Tell me Pinkie Pie, what do you find attractive in a mare?”

“An up-beat personality! Good question, glad to see you’ve been paying attention! Now... where was I?”

She returned to the blackboard with a nod, motioning to images of Applejack and Rarity. “I only have two left to confirm. If what I fear is true... then it’s a disaster.”

“Pinkie...” said Luna, rising to her hooves. “Does it worry you that your friends have begun to mature?”

“Of course! I’ve got to do something before they decide I’m too foalish for them!”

“Endurance is the mark of true friendship. Yours is a precious bond. We suggest not to trouble yourself with this.”

“Don’t trouble?” Don’t trouble?!" Pinkie leapt up to Luna and took ahold of her face, staring deep into her eyes. She thought she saw shapeless forms moving in the princess’s eldritch irises, so she made a silly face hoping something would come out and play. Luna looked frightened, shivering and was blushing, but Pinkie couldn’t imagine why.

“Did you know that last week, Gummy and I were the only ones to show up to Pony-Pet Play Day? Do you know it’s been over a week since I’ve had any fun with any of them? Do you know how long it’s been since there was,” she gasped, “a party?”

Pinkie spun away from Luna and stood on her hind legs. “Two months! It was the Rainbow-Dash-got-a-girlfriend party!”

Luna remained motionless, staring at Pinkie with the weight of ages. “Is that not normal enough?”

“And do you see them now? I thought finally we could all have fun at camp together, but nopony is having any fun!”

Luna sighed and approached her on the side, the princess’s tall frame leaning lightly against her side. “It’s time for your morning assembly with your friends. We will speak of this later.”

*****

Soon the recreation room was filled with all of Pinkie’s friends, the princesses included. As soon as they had settled in, Celestia began the lesson of the second day.

“Despite its obvious disadvantages,” said Celestia as she stood before them, “being a heterosexual mare can be very enjoyable. One of the best things a straight mare can have is a beautiful friendship without any of the sexual tension.”

“Excuse me,” said Pinkie Pie as she tilted her head and frowned, “but we don’t really have any problems with that.”

“Umm... yeah,” said Fluttershy softly. “We’re really just ordinary friends.”

“Heck,” said Applejack, “Ah don’t even think the subject’s ever come up ‘til now.”

Surprise briefly graced Princess Celestia’s features. “So you’ve never spontaneously decided to make out? Not even once in a while?”

“Nope,” answered Applejack somberly.

“You never feel each other up while you’re sleeping?”

“Definitely not on purpose,” said Fluttershy, eyes lowered as she blushed.

“Well what do you do?”

“We like to go on picnics,” said Twilight.

“And have parties!” cried Pinkie Pie, whipping out a noisemaker and blowing it for emphasis.

“And ya know, we help out each other with work, go to town events, and just sorta hang out,” said Applejack. “Really, it’s great, ah don’ see what the trouble is.”

“We haven’t done that stuff in a while,” muttered Pinkie Pie. She hadn’t intended for anypony to hear her, but Twilight had.

“Sure we have,” said Twilight perkily as she levitated her planner before her. “Take a look. Just last week I... no... then I was touching up my shrine to Celestia. But before then... we had to cancel because of Rainbow’s date with ‘Shy... and uhh... here Rarity was being sulky...” she sighed and closed her book. “Well, it doesn’t matter, I’m sure we’ll get back on track in no time.”

Celestia struck each of them with a look. “You are six of the most beautiful mares of your generation (that are not rulers of Equestria), you spend all your time with each other, and nothing of... interest happens on the side?”

“Nah, not really,” said Rainbow Dash.

“By me,” said Celestia in astonishment. “You’re all doing it wrong!”

“How?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“That isn’t the subject of today’s session. Instead Twilight and I will demonstrate how to conduct a platonic and normal friendship between two mares, even though that is what you have all apparently wasted all these months together doing. Twilight, would you assist me in this role play?”

“R-role play? But princess, shouldn’t we... oh, yes, ROLE PLAY! Of course.”

“Thank you Twilight. The scenario is this: You are walking down the street of Ponyville having completed your morning errands, when you bump into your dear friend, played by me. Your schedule is pretty clear, so you offer to spend some time with me. Go!”

“Why hello Princess Celestia,” said Twilight, in character. “I was just coming back from the market. After I drop these things off at the library, would you like to go out of town and pick some wildflowers?”

“Well,” said Celestia deviously, “there is one flower I’ve always wanted to pick.” With that, Twilight was lifted off the air with the princess’s magic. “And it seems I don’t even have to go anywhere to pluck it.” Leaning in, Celestia ran her teeth along Twilight’s neck as the unicorn flushed and went limp.

At the last moment, Celestia pulled away and dumped the unicorn on the floor. “Does anypony else want a demonstration?”

Pinkie Pie saw Twilight glaring at them from behind Celestia, and she and her friends all shook their heads as one.

“As you wish. However I hope that this has demonstrated my point. You see, little ponies, I’ve been a heterosexual for a long time. And that means that it is alright if I cheat. And I want that for you as well. I want you to be so secure in your heteronormal lives that you can make out with your friends without feeling any doubt for the righteous path you have chosen.”

“So,” Applejack hesitated, “are we gonna do exercises to help us feel secure about ourselves?”

“If by that you mean that you are all going to make out with each other, then yes.”

Pinkie began eyeing her friends, but noticed several of them balking.

Princess Celestia smiled. “This exercise is optional of course, if any of you are not comfortable with it. But I for one would certainly like to see you bond in such a close manner. It would truly warm my heart. Take the day to decide whether or not you want to participate, and if so with whom. Twilight and I will be about the campus if you have any questions, or if you cannot find another partner.”

That seemed to conclude the morning. Pinkie Pie saw Rarity and Applejack heading off together, and decided it was time to verify her suspicions once and for all. It took only moments for her to zip off and change into her spy-suit and night vision goggles. The goggles were useless during the day, but still an essential part of the costume.

*****

They led her to a picnic table by the lake. Lake Crystal? Pinkie hadn’t wondered where they were until now, but perhaps Ponyville wasn’t so far away after all. Climbing atop a branch in a nearby tree, Pinkie began watching her targets. Just as she saw the two leaning toward each other, a large dark head lowered itself into her field of vision.

Pinkie opened her mouth in preparation to shriek, but a hoof clamped over her face before she could make a noise.

“Will you be quiet, or must we kiss you?”

Pinkie shook her head and Luna released her, though the princess looked disappointed. Did she like knocking ponies unconscious?

“Observing your friends I see,” noted Luna in a silky whisper that Pinkie could feel through her bones.

The princess took a seat next to Pinkie.

“Nah, I’m spying on them,” said Pinkie. “Like I was saying before, it’s essential that I discover whether or not they’re involved in a romance or not!”

Luna lifted her chin and turned her eyes on Rarity and Applejack. Pinkie did the same thing.

They were locked in a vital embrace, kissing each other passionately.

“This seems somehow relevant to my investigation,” murmured Pinkie as her eyes looked for a hiding space that would bring her closer to the heated pair.

However she was foiled by the shadows along Luna’s mane that spread and dragged her away, releasing her next to the princess where they couldn’t be seen by their prey.

“On the contrary, it seems they deserve some privacy,” said Luna.

Soon Rarity and Applejack were passing their place of concealment.

“Thanks for lettin’ me blow off some steam, Rare. Ya still umm... feelin’ okay about this arrangement?”

“Absolutely,” said Rarity, not looking at her.

“Good, real good. I don’ want you feelin’ bad or nothin’, but what I really need is a coltfriend. This deal’s just for practice, seein’ as I’m straight.”

“Right. Applejack, you do know what ‘straight’ means, right?”

“A ‘course!”

“Good, do me a favor and never ask anypony about it or look it up in dictionaries.”

“Ah that’s no trouble. Granny Smith always says if anypony needs a dictionary, they’re usin’ too many syllables in the first place. Then when I asked what a syllable was she sent me to mah room. Haven’t looked it up ta this day.”

Applejack trotted off, leaving Rarity alone. She sniffed away a tear and moved over to buck a tree, connecting her hoof to the bark in a dainty little tap that wouldn’t risk a chip.

Pinkie observed Rarity carefully. “I think I need a second opinion? Are they in a relationship?”

“Do you not wish to talk to her?” Luna turned away from Rarity’s distress and bore her gaze into Pinkie.

“Nah,” said Pinkie, staring right back with hardly a blink. “I think she’s sad about something, I don’t want to bother her with this now.”

“I see,” said Luna, expression growing curious. “Then I suppose we shall speak with Rarity. But first, a confession.”

Luna looked away, lips curled tightly. “I must admit I sought you out, not to interfere with this mission of yours, but to... this never gets easy. Pinkie, your friends have each woven themselves into strange webs. Joining them will not do anypony good, but if you are truly curious about what tale two mares can weave together then... I myself have found myself growing attracted to you, and if you wished we could perhaps spend some time together, and learn more about each other.”

Pinkie smiled apologetically. “Sorry Luna, but if everyponie’s caught in a web, I’ve got to help them. Twilight’s secretly afraid of spiders, and Rainbow Dash hates it when her wings get sticky! We’ll have to tell tales later”

“No, what I meant—”

“And anyway,” cried Pinkie as she dashed off. “I’ve got romance to do!”

*****

“He needs this,” said Iron Will hoarsely as he hunched beside Lord Fancypants.

“I must admit,” said Fancypants to the minotaur, “I am not certain that I am entirely comfortable with this exercise.”

The others were all there, watching the exchange in silence. Spike was crouched before Fancypants, waiting patiently.

Iron Will sighed and rose to his full height. “Do you want to help Spike or not? He may go his entire life without ever understanding what this is about, if not for your actions!”

Fancypants grumbled but gave in. “Fine, but let us not take this in a way it wasn’t meant to be construed, Sir Spike. Are we understood? There are no hard feelings whatever the outcome.”

With a hoof, Fancypants reached towards the dragon and touched him on the shoulder.

“Poke.”

Fancypants reached out again, this time tapping Spike’s rounded belly. “Poke again.”

He continued harassing the baby dragon in the most oblique way possible. “Are you not annoyed, Sir Spike?”

Iron Will held up a hand and nodded. “Alright, that should be adequate. Spike, how do you feel?”

“Uhh... largely nonplussed,” said Spike, staring up at Iron Will.

“No Spike! That stallion was poking you against your will! Are you just going to take it?!”

“Y-yeah, I kind of was.”

“Wrong answer. How would you describe his actions?”

“Kinda weird?”

“He was being a PAIN Spike. Are you just going to let him do whatever he wants?”

“Maybe I could go somewhere else?”

Iron Will put a hand on his face and sighed. “Does Iron Will need to say it again?”

“I...” Spike looked at the ground. “Uhh... yeah. I need you to say it again.”

“It’s fine Spike, you did well.” Iron Will stepped over to a black tarp upon a white sheet, turning to the entire group.

“When someponies being a pain..."

He seized a fistful of the dark material and dramatically wrenched it away. Underneath were rifles, semi-automatic and fully automatic pistols, revolvers, and shotguns, all in many different sizes and makes.

“...BEGIN A MILITARY CAMPAIGN!”

"Each weapon has been lovingly calibrated to fire balls of messy paint," said Iron Will.

Nothing else needed to be said. Iron Will and the boys began donning their protective gear, choosing their weapons, and sorting themselves into teams.

*****

As Pinkie bounced towards the Princess’s office, she caught a glimpse of white out of the corner of her eye. When she turned to look, she decided the form receding into the deeper forest had to be Princess Celestia and immediately gave chase.

Pinkie’s agility was sublime; she leapt over thick growth and weaved around trees without losing any speed. The princess could maneuver just as well, and though she stayed close to ground level, she didn’t shy from using her impressive wings for assistance. Anypony else would have concluded she had no chance of catching up, but Pinkie was a believer of positive thinking.

She need only keep trying.

Her persistence paid off. Though far away, she could see the princess slowing. Pinkie broke into an all-out gallop, zipping past trees as she drew closer. Ahead the princess moved barely at a canter.

By the time she realized that Celestia had come to a complete stop, Pinkie no longer had any control over her speed. Her chase ended abruptly when her face smashed into the hardest substance known to ponykind: Princess Celestia’s flank.

Her vision wobbled and divided into many images as the shock of the impact reverberated through her body. Pinkie vaguely became aware of the princess looking back at her and smiling cheekily.

“Oh my, I did not see you there. If you insist, worshipping hours do not begin until midnight, at my office. Though I do not blame you for wanting to start early.”

While Pinkie reeled, the princess took off again. There was nothing for her to do but recover and try to get her target back in sight.

*****

“This is Bravo Llama Alpha Maribelle, do you have a visual Flying Sierra?” barked Iron Will on his radio as he trekked through the thickest part of the forest.

“I’m uhh... I’m actually right here,” said Soarin as he alit in the brush beside Fancypants.

“Well yeah, you are, Iron Will just...” Iron Will fidgeted as Soarin waited for a reply. “Iron Will likes using the radio better, y’know?”

Soarin sighed and spoke into his radio. “Just got back from the run ‘Maribelle.’ Caught a glimpse of red and then retreated as ordered. It had to be Big Mac. Enemy is en route to a defensive location at coordinates 111, 47 NW.”

Iron Will nodded and hefted up a light anti-tank paint gun in both hands. “Good. After your scout’s made a pass, PUT A CAP IN THEIR—”

*****

On the other side of the clearing, Spike lowered a pair of binoculars. “Soarin landed,” he reported.

Shining Armor nodded, his glowing horn fading to its normal hue. “My tracer spell is complete. I’ve got them pinpointed, and it looks like they just started moving. Ready Big Mac?”

“Eeyup,” said Big Mac as he hefted a long barrel paint-shotgun in both hooves.

The two teams set out on a course to intercept each other, their eyes alert and their nerves high. When they were no more than ten meters from clashing, both opposing teams spotted a bright pastel color moving out in the open.

There is a split in between the time the primitive mind processes danger, and the rational mind can analyze it. In that moment, each soldier heard a voice in their transmitters.

“Fire,” said that regal female voice.

And in the next moment, Pinkie Pie was obliterated.

*****

Without any real warning, Pinkie Pie’s search for Princess Celestia was interrupted when she found herself being splattered with all manner of prismatic, high-velocity glop.

“All players, hold fire!” with all the paint in her eye, Pinkie couldn’t see where the rumbling voice had come from.

“We’ve got a civilian in the theatre.”

“Pinkie! Are you okay?”

Then the air grew warm and she felt a large presence land nearby. Pinkie wiped the paint from her eye so she could see again, and found herself facing Princess Celestia.

“Pinkie Pie,” said the princess, “if you want to play with the boys, you really need the proper protection.” She nodded towards the assembled teams, whose members were wearing protective visors and thick vests.

Celestia’s horn began to glow and a white towel materialized into existence, which she offered to the splattered pony.

Pinkie brought the towel up to her face and dragged it along her snout and brow. She immediately felt a thick residue fixing itself on her coat. When she turned, confused, back to the princess, Celestia offered a mirror to the earth pony.

Her face was covered in white, gooey bleach. Celestia could no longer contain her giggles and simply let them loose. Not to be outdone, Pinkie quickly joined in on the laughter.

As soon as Celestia’s guard was down, Pinkie threw the bleach-soaked towel directly into the royal’s face. It had no effect on the princess’s pure white coat, but she took the assault in stride and simply laughed harder.

“Princess,” said Pinkie as they wound down. “I need to speak to you about something very important. Also, I need a shower.”

Celestia nodded calmly as she withdrew the last of her mirth into herself. “See to your shower first, Pinkie Pie. When you finish I shall be in my office.”

*****

The princess’s office had become covered with books since Pinkie’s last visit. Their disorganized stacks formed a labyrinth through the room, but none managed to eclipse Celestia’s tall and majestic form behind her desk.

Pinkie leapt over several piles of books in her attempt to reach the desk as quickly as possible. She had managed to remove the paint covering her body, but the bleach had washed the pink on her face into a discolored grey.

“So,” said Celestia, setting aside a thick and untitled tome. “I understand you wish to speak with me about something.”

“Yep,” said Pinkie, barely able to form spaces between her words. “I need the ultimate cosmic power over reality itself!”

“I see,” said Celestia, unfazed at the request. Slowly, she began to grin. “Perhaps you need to give Rainbow Dash another chase? Or does somepony need to learn about the importance of keeping promises?”

“Oh no,” said Pinkie, barely able to keep the hysteria from her voice. “This time it’s serious! You see, I need to get all my friends together and—”

Celestia silenced Pinkie with a delicate raise of her hoof. “Pinkie, I need no explanation for what you plan to do with your untold power. Just do nothing with it that I would not.”

Celestia’s horn began to glow, and Pinkie was greeted with the familiar sensation of incredible might. Once again reality itself would be forced to lower its head and become Pinkie’s brood mare.

Pinkie leapt behind a narrow stack of books and vanished entirely. In another moment her head lowered from... not the ceiling, but something. Any attempts to look up to see what her body was suspended from forced her eyes to slide away, blurring her vision and muddling her thoughts.

She looked at Celestia in the eye from her upside-down position, their faces inches apart. “Great,” she chirped. “Looks like it’s working perfectly!”

She reached over to Celestia’s mane and pulled out a disembodied blob of pink color, which she added to her own muzzle. The damage the bleach had done to her coat was now gone.

Pinkie’s face vanished back into whatever untold ethers that contained her, and in another moment she emerged from behind the desk where Celestia sat, her arrival heralded by a disembodied warp sound.

“Then it appears as though you are all set,” said Celestia warmly. “Off you go, and do not be shy about asking if your powers should wane again. Teehee!”

“Thanks! See ya later, princessgator!” Remembering her ultimate purpose, Pinkie darted out of the office.

With Pinkie gone, Twilight emerged from the clutter, levitating a book in front of her face. She looked up at Celestia.

“Was that Pinkie Pie?”

“Indeed it was Twilight Sparkle.”

“What were the two of you talking about?”

“Wonderful news in fact. You see, Pinkie Pie wanted to let me know that the therapy has done its job and she is ready to identify herself as a heterosexual! Are you as proud of her as I am?”

*****

Pinkie found Rainbow Dash in the showers, watching the water splash against the acrylic floor. As she approached, she felt stray flecks of cold liquid speckling her face. Only after Pinkie had reached up and switched the faucet off did Rainbow react to her presence.

Eventually Rainbow looked up and met Pinkie’s gaze. “Hey Pinkie,” she said softly. “Was just takin’ a shower.”

“You could catch a cold that way,” said Pinkie. “And then you’d miss out on all the fun we’re having at camp!”

“Didn’t notice the hot water had run out,” said Rainbow as she watched the last of the liquid trickle down the drain. “Can I talk to you about something serious?”


“Ooh, serious? Me first, me first! See, you’re all my special friends, but I’ve always thought you were my extra special friend, and I didn’t even know it for the longest time until that one time when Gilda came to Ponyville and took up all of your time, so like then I realized that I wanted you all for myself and I was jealous because I’m actually in love with you!”

Rainbow Dash didn’t seem to hear. It quickly occurred to Pinkie that she had been talking too fast.

“You’ve got to keep this a secret Pinkie. If you tell anypony, it’s going to wreck me.”

Straightening up, Pinkie mimed zipping her mouth closed, then locking it, and then building two structures, putting the imaginary key in one of them, and then furiously writing.

“What’s that mean?”

“Well duh! First I zipped my mouth shut and locked it, then I built a mysterious underground bunker with no apparent purpose and maximum security, letting young ponies and daredevils attempt to infiltrate it without success for decades, while simultaneously leaking information to conspiracy theorists and fringe cultists about the location and origins of the key so that when they reported their findings mainstream society would discount them without question. And the whole time the key was really just in a security deposit box in a bank in canterlot, where no one ever suspected! Uhh... isn’t that what you do when you want to hide something?”

“Usually I just toss it in the back of my closet or something.”

“Woah, good idea! I’m gonna try that next time!”

Rainbow scraped the floor with her hoof. “I think uhh... I think Princess Celestia turned me straight.”

Pinkie laughed. “Oh silly, don’t worry about that. She’s just messin’ around with us.”

Rainbow Dash leapt forward and seized Pinkie, eyes wild. “That’s what I thought at first too. There was no way I was buying all those horseapples coming out of her mouth. But this place... it must have changed me somehow. I... kissed Soarin.”

“A lot?”

Rainbow’s cheeks flushed. “Yeah, a lot. I don’t even know what came over me! One moment I felt his sleek, toned, stallion body pressed against mine, and our sweat was mingling and the whole thing was totally disgusting, and then all the sudden I felt all hot and before I even knew what was happening I was totally kissing him. I think I would have even gone farther, but I had mentioned that I had a marefriend so he stopped me.”

“So, is he going to be your special somepony now?”

“Wh- no! I’ve got to talk to Fluttershy, somehow I’ve got to find the words that- agh, who am I kidding?! There are no words. I’ve got to handle this without her, keep her from getting hurt. Maybe I can find some unicorn in Canterlot to break whatever spell is on me.”

“We could just make out,” said Pinkie.

Rainbow stared deadpan at the earth pony.

“You know, remember that one time when we forgot our friendships and everything that made us happy, and Twilight used that memory spell that didn’t really cure us, but reminded us of all the happy times we had together and let us break the curse on our own.”

“Yeah but, the problem isn’t with me forgetting how awesome I—”

“Well, if we kissed a bunch and got all romancy-wancy then maybe it would help remind you how much you like being a lesbian and break the curse you’re under!”

Rainbow turned away and sighed.

“I think it’s our best option,” she said when she spoke at last.

*****

Pinkie found Applejack in the kitchen of their boardings, making sandwiches with mechanical efficiency and heaping them onto a plate. The cowpony hummed a little tune as she worked.

“Help yourself to some vittles,” she said without turning around to look at Pinkie. “All ah ask is that ya take ‘em outside for a picnic, I don’t want you gettin’ crumbs everywhere, bein’ that I’ll be the one cleanin’ ‘em up.”

“Actually Applejack, I’m not hungry,” said Pinkie.

Applejack paused as she stacked lettuce atop bread, but only for a moment. She resumed the task, and after she completed the sandwich she set aside her spreading knife and placed the rest of the ingredients in storage. “Get that pitcher,” she said, glancing at a clear jug filled with lemonade on the counter. She grabbed the plate of sandwiches and carried them to the living room, placing them on the table where the others would be sure to find them.

Pinkie followed along with the jug’s handle in her mouth, and set it beside the plate.

Applejack nodded towards the sandwiches. “Ah reckon even Rainbow can fix somethin’ up if this ain’t enough for everypony. So, not hungry? That means it’s important, huh?”

Pinkie nodded.

“Alright, spill it.”

“Well Applejack, I’ve always admired you as a pony—”

“Nope.”

“Applejack?”

“Nope, I ain’t gonna lend you money. It ain’t my call to make, Big Mac’s the only one in our family who’s delved into the unknowable arcana known as ‘interest rates.’ Ya gotta go through him.”

“It’s not about money, but that might be a good way to pay for Gummy’s dental operation now that you mention it.”

“What’s he need a dental operation for? Your gator don’t have teeth.”

“Yeah, turns out that’s considered a terminal illness among large carnivorous reptiles. Who would have thought? But that’s not what I need to talk to you about!”

“It ain’t? Shoot. Sorry, that’s just what most ponies want when they preempt an allegedly important talk with a compliment. Was just tryin’ to save us both time. Why don’t you start over?”

“Well Applejack, I’ve always admired you as a pony. You’re strong, dependable, and pretty much the exact opposite of a silly-filly like me! And you’re all my best friends, but with me and you I always wondered if ‘we’ could be something more. I wondered if you would ever want to be my special somepony.”

Applejack opened her mouth but said nothing.

Pinkie leaned in. “Is this the part where we kiss?”

Applejack jerked back and shook her head. “No! I mean... shucks, hear me out.”

She took a deep breath. “First of all, yer timin’ ain’t so great. I’ve got this... thing I don’t rightly have a label for with Rarity. And ah ain’t even gay, it just started when I wanted some practice with kissin’ and she offered to help. But sometimes ah think ya just meet a mare and it doesn’t matter who ya are, because you’ll just fall for her. That’s true of her, and that’s true of how I feel about you Pinkie. You’re gorgeous, you liven up each of my days every day, and I’m awfully fond of ya.”

“So do we kiss now?”

“Hold on a sec! Whatever happens between us, ah still love her. Can ya even deal with that?”

Pinkie thought about it for a moment, but no longer. “Yep,” she said, and leaned towards Applejack, who stopped her with a hoof.

“Hey,” said Pinkie, pulling Applejack’s hoof down. “Why don’t we bring her in on this? We can be Rarijack Pie!”

Applejack chuckled and shook her head. “Ah don’t think she’d care much for that idea. And the truth is, she got here first. So... I gotta put her first. But I can’t give her what she wants from me, even with you out of the picture. So what I’m gonna do is, I’m gonna tie things up with her, and maybe it’ll take a few weeks, or even a few months, and if you’re still interested by then, you can just let me know.”

“But I wanna kiss and be your special somepony and have fun and parties!”

“If you want it badly enough, you’re just gonna have to wait for it.”

“Can we at least date in the meantime?”

“Pinkie—”

“We can have a friend date! Isn’t it alright if we’re just friends?”

“I guess.”

“Tonight by the river?”

“No kissing?”


“Okie-smokey! Since it’s just a friend date, can I invite the others?”

*****

Pinkie spotted Fluttershy near the cabin, talking to somepony. She turned her head around, looking at the rest of the glade. There wasn’t anypony else there.

The conversation grew audible as Pinkie drew closer.

“Oh my Mr. Bluejay. I hope he didn’t get too upset.”

The bird in question threw his wings up in frustration, and rattled out a staccato whistle.

Fluttershy threw some more seeds onto the ground. “Goodness! Is he alright?”

“Did you want to feed the birds too, Pinkie?”

“Sure, and there’s something I wanted to talk about.”

“Of course, I’m listening.”

“I like you.”

Fluttershy froze. “I... like you too Pinkie. You’re a wonderful friend, and I’m always grateful to have you...”

“Great! So will you be my special somepony?”

Fluttershy’s hoof stilled and her bag of seeds lie forgotten. The birds, the clearing, the pegasus; All grew still.

Pinkie’s tail shook with anticipation. “Because I’ve always felt like we might have something special Fluttershy. You’re so kind and sweet, and you make my heart all fluttery-wuttery! And I want to know if you feel the same way, and if so, then maybe we can be marefriends!”

Fluttershy looked away. “If I said yes, would it make you happy?”

“It would make me super-duper happy!”

“Then yes.”

“Yippy!” Pinkie pounced and squeezed Fluttershy in a big hug. She felt her friend rub softly against her.

“I guess it’s for the best,” said Fluttershy staring at the ground. “I’ve been trying so hard to make Rainbow happy, but nothing I do is good enough. So if I can just make you happy, then that’s alright.”

“How many times should we go on dates?”

Pinkie heard Fluttershy’s hoof dragging across the ground. “Twice a month?”

“How about twice a week? What do you want your pet name to be?”

“Um—”

“Flutter-wutters! It’s so sappy it’s perfect!”

“Yeah...”

“What’s my pet name going to be?”

“Can I get back to you—?”

“Princess Gloomdread the third! I love it!”

“What—”

“But be sure to come up with a new one every day. Don’t worry, you’re doing great so far.” Pinkie reached out and gave fluttershy’s pale cheeks a squeeze.

“...Thanks.”

“Our first date can be a picnic by the riverside! Oh, unless you want to do something else! I’ve heard that the two most important things in a relationship are communication and compromise!”

“...A Picnic sounds...nice.”

“Yippee!” Pinkie shoved Fluttershy away and leapt into the air. “Compromise is fun and easy!” she cried.

*****

The mirror’s surface contained the most beautiful mare Pinkie’s eyes had ever laid eyes on.

Trapped within the full-body mirror stood Rarity, running a comb through her gleaming mane. At the same time, the unicorn's perfect lashes curled from each tease of the eyelash separator. The mascara brush floated nearby, awaiting its turn to paint her eyelids the color of tulips.

The tools hovered about the alabaster reflection with surgical precision, sculpting perfection.

Her thoughts poured like a torrent through her brain and dashed themselves against her mouth again and again, eager to form into words and find Rarity’s ears. To do anything but heap praise and devotion upon the flawless unicorn was unthinkable.

“Rarity...” she breathed. She couldn’t manage another word.

With her magic, Rarity ran a comb through her gleaming mane. At the same time the unicorn’s eyelash separator was just finishing its work, leaving her lashes plumped and ready for the mascara brush to swoop in and do its job.

Pinkie’s eyes, beyond her own volition, drifted down Rarity’s sleek barrel and along her svelte flank, eyes resting at her dock where her expertly curled tail lay. Pinkie spent a moment taking in the view before reluctantly dragging her vision back to Rarity’s large eyes where she found only indifference. In another moment Rarity returned her focus completely to the task at hand, and Pinkie could not find her reflection in those cerulean eyes.

“You were saying...?” said Rarity, long after the silence had become awkward.

The dam broke.

“I was just saying that I’ve always admired you Rarity, even if we’re really different from each other. And wow, are we ever! I mean you’re absolutely gorgeous; I know no one would say it to my face but I’m kind of a plainy Jany! But it’s the inside that I find the most beautiful. You’re so giving and caring of others, not to mention sophisticated!”

“I’m not going to—”

“It’s not about money! I want you to be my very special—”

“Pinkie...”

“Somepony. Oh gee, I don’t even know if you like mares, but I already feel like you’ve captured my heart! You’re like the white mare of my dreams, the diamond of my eye, and if you feel the same way, even a little—”

“Pinkie!”

“Then I hope you can find it somewhere in your heart to just give us a chance! Even if it’s only one date!”

“Pinkie Pie, I—”

“And if you do give us a chance, we should start with two dates a week. Don’t worry your pretty little head, we can always work our way up to a date every single day. And Pinkie Pie-eye will do for today, but if in the future you could put a teeny-weeny bit more effort into my pet names, that’d be great! Oh, and since dressmaking’s your thing, my measurements are—”

“I already know your measurements but—”

—but expect the flank to get wider in the future, I’m a growing girl! Cider season is coming up and Applejack promised me lots of apple cupcakes. They’re just like regular cupcakes, but with apples. We should name one of our foals after an apple! Like Big Macintosh— No wait! That’s already taken. On the other hand, if we have any fillies, I’d like to name them after our friends but if they’re colts—”

“PINKIE PIE!”

Pinkie Pie blinked. Rarity had set aside her facial products and was staring intently into the earth ponies eyes.

“Don’t shout!” shouted Pinkie, her own eyes peeled wide. “Remember, communication is the most important part of a relationship!”

“Pinkie, I diet.”

The chill did not crawl through Pinkie’s bones. It bounded. “You diet... once in a while?”

“As a matter of fact, I am dieting right now.”

Pinkie’s eyes ran over Rarity’s body again as her heart quickened. Her barrel was narrow indeed. As Rarity shifted her weight Pinkie Pie could have sworn that she had glimpsed a bit of rib. She studied Rarity’s snow white flank. Svelte didn’t seem an appropriate term for it any longer. Bony was much more fitting.

Pinkie briefly considered breaking out into laughter, and then decided it wouldn’t help.

“Wow... that was super-silly of me! Hey, I’ve got an idea. Could you be a pal and very quickly forget everything I just said? Because I don’t think we’d work together at all, ha ha...”

“Pinkie,” said Rarity warmly, “I’m very flattered that you thought of me in that way... for all of fifteen seconds, but I think the two of us work just marvelously as friends.” She pulled Pinkie’s shoulders into a warm embrace only to retreat when Pinkie’s muscles stiffened beneath her hooves.

“What’s the matter darling?”

“Diet cooties..” whispered Pinkie.

“Those aren’t real. They’re probably something you made up on the spot.”

Pinkie pressed her snout against Rarity’s and their eyes very nearly touched. “That’s never been proven,” she hissed.

*****

As Pinkie doubled back to the office, Twilight and Princess Celestia had just walked out the door. She hailed the two and bounded over.

“So in the end,” said Celestia, “it was fortunate indeed that I had ratified and in part rejected Starswirl’s law of temporal immutability before Discord’s arrival. And that’s the story of how Luna became a mare.”

“That is... absolutely fascinating,” said Twilight before she spoke to Pinkie Pie. “Oh, Pinkie Pie. You sure weren’t gone long. Did you forget something?”

“Duh,” said Pinkie with a cheerful snort. “I totally forgot that I needed to tell you something super duper important Twilight!”

Celestia raised a brow and her ephemeral grin vanished. She stepped closer to Pinkie and lowered her voice. “Pinkie Pie, I hope you aren’t planning on—”

“Don’t worry,” said Pinkie with full sincerity. “I won’t do anything to Twilight that you wouldn’t.”

Twilight stepped closer as well. “Huh?” Nopony answered her.

Celestia continued to stare at Pinkie in silence, and then smiled again. “Something urgent has come up in Canterlot. Luna has already left for the city, and now I must follow. Until one of us returns I am leaving Twilight in charge.”

Twilight nodded. “I”ll keep things under wraps, no problem.”

Celestia gave Twilight’s brow a little nuzzle, but to Pinkie it seemed there wasn’t very much heart in it. And in another moment the princess spread her wings and was airborne.

“Thank goodness you’re here,” said Twilight when they were alone. “I know there was something you wanted to talk to me about... but can it wait? I actually need your help.”

Pinkie thought about it for a moment and found no objection. “Sure it can wait, what do you need?”


Twilight grinned. “Really? You’re not just bursting to tell me everything right away? Well if you’re sure...”

“It’s fine, you go first!”

“I want to talk to my brother, can you help me sneak over to the boy’s side?” She glanced down at her bare skin. “Can you get us costumes for this?”


Pinkie was already wearing her spysuit. In her hooves she offered a spare suit fitted perfectly for Twilight.

“Great! Although black nylon isn’t really what we need in the daytime.”

Pinkie procured a green paint brush from her mane and colored each of their garments with a camouflage pattern in mere seconds.

“...Right. Let’s go.”

Being limited by the abilities of a mortal pony, it took Twilight a lot longer to change. Pinkie helped fit the sleek uniform around the pony’s purple form, and then they headed off.

They took the open trail to the other side where rumor placed the male camp, frequently stopping to make use of cover. Pinkie took the lead, vanishing behind hoof-width trees and blinking over meters of open ground in microseconds. Twilight did her best, but did not have the ability to distort space and time. Furthermore, she was slightly less graceful.

When they arrived they found no one. Pinkie Pie mentioned the paintball game and so they concealed themselves and waited. Neither spoke in the meantime: Twilight was too intent on watching for the arrival of her brother, and Pinkie knew better than to make noise during a shadow operation.

Eventually their patience paid off and they heard the males filing back. Iron Will led from the front, his fur and protective armor splattered in paint. The rest were similarly abused.

“Hit the showers,” said the minotaur and the group began to disperse.

“I’ve got to get his attention,” murmured Twilight from Pinkie’s left. The unicorn’s horn glowed to life, and then shot a brilliant flare into the air.

Everypony turned to look.

“Oh no, everyone saw it!” hissed Twilight.

“I say what was that?” asked Fancypants.

“Iron Will isn’t sure. Hang on, we’d better—”

“It’s fine,” said Shining Armor abruptly. “That’s my sister’s magic, I taught her that spell in case she ever got lost and needed my help.”

“Oh,” said Iron Will, relaxing. “So what, she’s just—”

“Yeah, she’s probably hiding in the bushes over here. Can I take care of this?”

“Of course! We’ll be in the lounge when you’re done.”

While the others left, Shining Armor lifted Spike up with a bout of telekinesis and tossed the little dragon on his back. Then he trotted towards Pinkie and Twilight’s vantage point.

“Twilight!” Spike leapt off Shining’s back and gave Twilight a hug around the neck, receiving a nuzzle in turn.

“Hey, Twiley, what’s up?” Shining Armor tussled his sister’s mane.

“I haven’t seen you since the wedding! Is your new life working out? I haven’t even seen your new house.”

Pinkie perked at that. “House-warming party?”

Shining Armor smiled sheepishly. “It’s kind of old news now.”

“Aww.”

“Big brother,” said Twilight, eyes wide and lips slightly curled. “What’s going on? Why aren’t you with your wife? Why are you here with that monster? What’s going on with your marriage?”

Shining Armor raised a brow. “Cadence is fine. Iron Will’s a decent guy.”

“Yeah!” said Spike excitedly. “He lets me burp when we’re watching the television!”

Twilight spun to Spike and gasped. “He what?!”

“I think his fragile innocence will find some way to survive,” said Shining Armor.

“Right.” Twilight, pulled the worried look away from her face. “I guess... the princess wasn’t telling the truth after all. But why would she say those things? She told me you were gay and going to pony hell!”

Shining Armor looked aside, his gaze briefly assessing Pinkie before stopping on Spike. “Hit the showers bud.”

“But I barely got the chance to visit with Twilight!”

“She’ll be back tomorrow. Nothing’s happening to her.”


“I guess so...” Spike shrugged it off and waddled away.

“Should I go too?” asked Pinkie.

“Oh not at all,” said Shining Armor quickly. “I find in these situations it helps to have an off-the-wall, unfazeable pony nearby to lighten the mood and act as a calming influence.” He smiled quickly at Pinkie before looking back at Twilight and clearing his throat. “I... thought you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“That I was gay.”

Twilight’s lips trembled. Her eyes narrowed. And then a tear fell from her eye. “How could you? How could you possibly do this to her? To me?!”

Twilight turned and began to run away, lighting her horn even as she did. Her body began to fade as her teleportation progressed, but Shining Armor’s own magic had a grip on her long before she could flash away. Abruptly a clear cube of force surrounded her, forcing her back into solid existence.

Twilight turned and glared at Shining Armor as the cube disappeared. “How dare you cancel my teleportation?” She tried again but this time Armor tackled her and forced her into the dirt.

“What’s the big deal?” he asked between a gasp for air. “You’re gay too!”

“That doesn’t matter! I’m not living a lie in some sham marriage that’s going to break your wife’s heart and send you to pony hell!”

Slowly Shining Armor let her up. “She knows,” he said taking a deep breath.

“You’re lying,” Twilight quietly said as she wiped at her eyes. “Why would she go through with it?”

“Let me put it—”

“Why,” said Twilight speaking over him, “would she dedicate her entire life to propping up some coward who’s too ashamed to just admit what he is?! Don’t you think I’ve had to face hate and discrimination? I didn’t like it, but I did face it!”

Pinkie watched the sibling’s emotions escalate with ever growing horror. Abruptly she recalled the reason she had been asked to stay. Slipping through the bonds of space, she popped up between the two and looped her forelegs around both their shoulders.

“Hey Shiny,” she said.

Shining Armor blinked. “Uhh... what is it Pinkie?”

“How am I doing as a calming influence? Do I need to step it up a notch?”

A snort escaped Shining Armor despite the stallion’s best attempts to hold it back. Even Twilight grinned briefly before slaying it.

“You’re doing just fine,” he said.  Then he looked at Twilight and frowned. “This is for her benefit Twilight, not mine.”

“What does—”

“Hear me out for five seconds! Princess Cadence is a matchmaker. She lives for it. She helps lovers reconcile, parents bond with their children, foals and adults make best friends, and the only reason she does it is because she wants to see other ponies smile.”

Shining Armor paused and took a breath, as if daring Twilight to interrupt. She didn’t.

“She’s a beautiful mare, and all the time, sometimes several times a day, ponies ask her out to breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, walks in the park. And she turns them down. She says she can’t give them what they want from her. The only love she needs for herself is the love of friendship and family. But she’s had to crush them every time. More mares and stallions than she can count. And every time she does it, her own heart breaks.

“So I suggested the arrangement. She was worried about tying me down at first, but in all honesty, I’m already married to my uniform. I’m not giving up all that much. Maybe one day one of our situations will change and we’ll have to rethink this, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon.”

Twilight blinked a few times and sat on her haunches. “But... that time you beat Chrysalis...”

“Yeah? You saved Equestria through the love you had for five mares that you had barely known for a day. I had an advantage, I’ve known Princess Cadence for much longer than that.” Shining Armor got a goofy grin on his face. “And, heh, sorry to sound sappy but I think I love her more than I could ever love another stallion.”

“And on your wedding night...”

“We baked brownies and watched Mill and Race.”

“Oh. I...” Twilight was crying again. “I can’t believe I thought the worst of you.”

Shining lay his neck atop Twilight’s and calmed her down. “Shh, listen Twilight. I know it’s weird. I don’t even expect you to understand all of it at once. But if you take anything out of this at all, then let it be this: There are a lot of ponies in this world. Your mind is so organized and analytical, and you want to figure everypony out. But there are things you haven’t yet gotten. You don’t understand everything about me. And you don’t understand everything about Princess Celestia either.”

“What do you mean?” Twilight said in a hushed voice.

“You think I’m going to pony hell?”


Twilight looked away “No, I don’t. Princess Celestia told me you were though, so I must be wrong.”

“When you come across a new fact, didn’t she teach you to verify it independently of the source whenever possible?”

“Of course. But I’m not just going to go against her!”

“Loyalty is a commendable trait. But you’re falling into an old habit Twilight. I never tried to hide who I was from you. But you insisted on seeing me as some knightly prince destined to sweep the princess off her hooves. There’s more to me than that. You keep looking at ponies and seeing what you want. Honestly, it’s one of your more endearing traits. But sometimes it keeps you from seeing what you need to see.”

Twilight said nothing.

“Think about it. Listen,” he looked over his paint-stained fur. “I’d like to hit the showers. Catch you later?”

“Sure.” Twilight gave her brother a peck on the cheek and he left.

Twilight and Pinkie began the journey back to their camp, not speaking until they were back on the path.

“Thanks for being here with me,” she said at last. “I wish you hadn’t seen us fight but... it was better than having to face him alone, oddly enough.”

Pinkie wondered if now was a good time to confess her feelings. Surely there wasn’t a bad time to confess them, but even she felt this was an awkward segue.

“Hey,” said Twilight glancing over at her. “I forgot in all the excitement that you wanted to tell me something.”

That was all the invitation Pinkie Pie needed. “I want to be your special somepony,” she said cheerfully.

Twilight stopped and stared at her. “Huh?”

“I don’t just love you,” she said, looking Twilight in the eye. “I’m in love with you!”

“I had no idea,” said Twilight, mouth hanging open. “I mean I thought when you kissed Fluttershy—”

“I was thinking of you when I kissed her!” That was true. She was thinking of Twilight, and Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. And whether or not Fluttershy’s tongue tasted more like bananas or caramel.

Twilight flushed immediately. “R-really? I’ve never really thought of you in that way.”

Pinkie Pie grinned from ear to ear. “So can we date? Please?”

Twilight looked away. “I’ve been carrying a torch for Princess Celestia as long as I can remember.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And if this keeps up, I have a feeling I’m going to die alone. I’ve thought about what Shining Armor told me. There are so many different kinds of love. And all I’ve been doing is holding on to a foal’s dream with fantasies about the princess. She’s my teacher, and I will always be her student. And that’s a beautiful thing. I’m done wasting away hoping to change our relationship into something that it’s not.”

Pinkie Pie felt Twilight’s flank and shoulder brushing against hers. “It’s too early to say if I can feel the same way about you, Pinkie Pie. But I think I owe it to both of us to give you a chance. So we’ll... see how this goes?” Twilight giggled. “I’ve never gone out with another pony before. You’ll have to tell me what you want to do.”

******

“Watch this!” cried Dash as she did a forward flip in the air followed by a perfect loop.

“That’s great Dashie, do it again!” Pinkie squealed and clapped her hooves.

Dashie did not.

"...Rainbow?"

Dash squinted off into the distance and then landed by Pinkie’s side. “Uhh... Pinkie Pie? I thought I saw something really weird over that hill. It looked like a mare who looks just like you...”

Pinkie leaned forward. "Really?"

"Yeah. She had her forearms around—"

“Applejack? Are you okay?” asked Pinkie.

“Ah’m fine sugarcube, head’s just a bit muddled is all.”

They trotted along in silence, coming down from the crest of a hill towards the nearby riverbed. The water distorted theri reflections, and Applejack spoke first.

"To tell ya the truth," she said, as she watched her watery counterpart, "I am a bit concerned about Dash and—"

“Fluttershy? You’re not talking very much,” said Pinkie, leaning over and giving the pegasus’s neck a nuzzle as they stood up.

“Sorry Pinkie. I guess I’m just worried that we haven’t seen very much of—”

“Twilight!” called Rarity as she galloped over to Pinkie and her new girlfriend. “There you are, thank goodness! I don’t mean to alarm you, but a few hours ago I was talking with Pinkie Pie and I just realized what she told me. It really should have set off more of a warning and... and... Twilight?”

Twilight wasn’t looking at her. She was looking at Applejack, who was walking down the riverside with Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy, who was also walking towards them in the opposite direction with Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash, who was peeking up from a tall bed of grass where she was just kissing Pinkie Pie.

“Surprise!” said Pinkie Pie beside Twilight.

“Oh sweet Celestia,” whispered Rarity. “I’m too late.”

They all gathered together, looking at Pinkie Pie’s various incarnations. Pinkie realized that she was the only one smiling. Didn’t they understand?

Pinkie Pie pulled her chart out of nowhere. “See, I just realized that with Fluttershy and Dashie together, and the rest too, I was the only one left out! But you girls are my best friends and I know you’d never want to leave me out on purpose, so I—”

“So ya what?” said Applejack, voice thick and fierce. “Just told me whatever ya please?”

“Umm, Applejack,” murmured Fluttershy, stepping away from her Pinkie Pie and towards Pinkie Pie. “I don’t think—”


“Not now Shy!” Applejack choked back a sob. “I gotta be somewhere else right now.” Applejack kicked off to a gallop and ran up the incline leading back to camp.

“Wait,” whispered Fluttershy.

Pinkie Pie felt her shoulders going numb. What was Applejack angry about? Didn’t she want to be friends anymore? She wanted to run after her to find out what the problem was, but hesitated in fear of what else her orange friend might say.

“Girls,” she said weakly. “Why is she—”

Rainbow Dash was in her face in an instant. “What the hay were you doing with Fluttershy anyway? I thought I could trust you.”

Dashie was angry. Too angry. Pinkie closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to see. Her space-distortion doubles faded away without the cheer and positive energy she needed to ignore the natural laws that said such things were impossible. Even with her eyes closed she could still hear her friends voices, speaking all at once.

“Pinkie Pie, am I to understand that you were,” Rarity cleared her throat, “two-timing our friends? I should hardly have to explain to you that such behavior is unacceptable for a lady.”

Pinkie folded all four of her legs beneath her, trying to shrink into nothing.

“And what have I told you about the superposition principle? It only applies to electrons! Ponies can’t exist in more than one place at a time!”

“I was counting on you to help me out of a bind, and then you go and—”

“STOP IT! CAN’T YOU SEE SHE DOESN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE DID WAS WRONG?”

Everypony stopped. Pinkie opened one eye to see who had spoken. It was Fluttershy.

“Actually,” said Twilight. “I really don’t understand what she did either. I mean not even a unicorn spell can allow a pony to exist in four—”

“Twilight...”

“Not what you meant. Sorry!”

“What I mean,” Fluttershy said as Pinkie felt her wing falling over her back, “Is that I think it would be more productive if you maybe just explained to her how she upset you and why she shouldn’t do that anymore. If you feel like it.”

Pinkie felt a soft snout brushing against her closed eyes, wiping away the tears that were forming. “There there,” cooed Fluttershy. “Your friends didn’t mean to scare you.”

Pinkie felt a separate pair of hooves around her back. Then a second set, followed almost immediately by a third.

“We’re sorry we overreacted,” said Twilight. “Let’s go back to the dorm and discuss this.”

“Where’s Applejack?” asked Pinkie, finally gaining the nerve to speak. “I don’t want to lose her as a friend forever.”

“You won’t,” said Rainbow Dash, giving Pinkie’s head a rub. “She just needs a chance to cool down and understand what happened.”

“I’ll track her down,” said Rarity, and galloped off.

The rest of the group began the walk back to the lodging house. Pinkie stuck close to Fluttershy, trotting in silence under the comfort of her warm wing.

“Fluttershy,” announced Rainbow Dash abruptly, trying not to choke. “I cheated on you.”

“Umm... yes, I know. So did I. I’m awfully sorry about that...”

“Not that,” said Rainbow Dash. “Yesterday afternoon I met up with Soarin. I wasn’t even thinking about what I was doing, I just kissed him.”

It took Fluttershy a while to reply. “I’m sorry,” she said at last.

“Fluttershy? No, I’m the one that needs to apologize!”

Fluttershy shook her head. “You’re the Element of Loyalty. I know you would have never done that if I wasn’t such a terrible girlfriend. I’ll try harder if you’re still interested Rainbow Dash. And if you’re not, that’s okay too.”

“It’s not you,” said Dash, biting her lip.

Fluttershy had no response.

When they arrived at the cabin a tea kettle was already whistling out a jet of steam. As Pinkie took a seat on a wool blanket and waited, Twilight removed the boiling water from the heat and floated out six cups and accompanied by bags of orange spice.

“What have I done,” the purple unicorn moaned out loud suddenly as she prepared the mixtures. “My heart belongs to the princess, how could I have given up so easily?”

The door opened, and they were joined by Rarity and Applejack. The latter sat across from Pinkie on her own blanket. Twilight was the last one to join the circle, after serving everypony a cup.

Nopony spoke for several moments, waiting for their drinks to cool and sipping them experimentally. Pinkie’s eyes wandered over each of her friends. None of them were paying any particular attention to her.

None of them were smiling.

Pinkie realized that she liked them better when they were all shouting at her. She became aware of a growing weariness.

“Alright,” said Rarity breaking the silence. “Applejack would like to explain why she feels upset. Is that okay Pinkie?”

Pinkie took a long drink and nodded, blinking the fatigue away.

“Good,” said Rarity, stacking her own empty cup with the others and setting them aside. “Whenever you’re ready Applejack.”

Applejack took a quick swig of her drink. “Pinkie,” she said very calmly.


“Yes Applejack?”

“Ah think somepony drugged the tea.”

“Oh wow, you’re right...” Pinkie managed before she slumped to the ground and allowed sleep to subdue her.