"Your... What?" Fluttershy and Big Macintosh asked in disbelief.

"My... What?" I tried to specify the Master's statement.

"Oh, come on, sweetheart, you don't need to be shy. Those are your friends, after all. They have the right to know," the beige earth pony said with a wink, putting a comforting hoof on my shoulder. At the time it felt like a thousand razor blades cutting into my flesh. Though the original intent was to comfort me, no doubt.

"I... Yes..." I began, looking at Fluttershy, and tried to make my best I'm not lying, really! impression. "I... I was going to tell you long ago... Master and I are dating," I finished the speech and patted the Time Lord on the back, vigorously trying to resist breaking a rib or two in process.

"Oh, so you're... gay?" Fluttershy mumbled, turning red.

I sighed in relief; though, I tried to make it a sigh of sorrow.

"Yes, Fluttershy, unfortunately I am," I replied with another fake sigh. "No need to worry though - you will always remain in my heart as a friend," I assured the yellow mare.

"Oh... I see..." Fluttershy said so sadly that I almost felt bad for her.

Almost. No pity for beautiful mares!

Still, Big Macintosh wasn't helping in the slightest. He was dumbly sitting at table, blinking every few seconds or so. Sure, maybe some mares liked the quiet ones, but not the silent ones!

"So... how did you two fall in love?" she wondered carefully.

Ah, but of course. Those mares are always so into gossip and stuff! We stallions are far better in that way!

...You do remember I'm not actually gay, right? Keep that in mind, you!

"Oh, it's a lovely story~" the Master cooed, making me mentally groan. When it came down to imagination, nopony could outshine my fellow Time Lord.

"When we were foals, we actually used to argue and fight a lot," the beige pony began with the classical introduction.

5/10, in my view. Not the best one he could come up with.

"Until, on one fateful day; or, to be more exact, evening," the Master faked a satisfied smile (or did he?) and closed his eyes, making Fluttershy blush and Big Mac frown. I was totally on the farmer's side at that moment. "...the Doctor confessed his feelings to me-"

"-oh, really?" I interrupted him. That was going way too out of hoof. "I thought you did," I stated firmly and glared at my... Ahem, "partner".

And that. foals, is how you make a grave mistake.

You know what makes a party weak? And I'm not talking about the Pinkie-Pie-ish "party" in the meaning of "celebration".

Hey, you can't use it in other ways, dummy! It's a Comedy story, not some War-based-grimdark-ish fic!

Wha?.. How did she...

Oh, but there's the "Traitor" arc, anyway... Oh, I should've quoted the "the", like this: "The Traitor". There! All better! Cheers!

... ... ... ... ...I refuse to understand this.

...Anyway, most... groups of allies (lest she should come back...) are made weak by a good old Time Lords' rule, which we tend to forget: Divide et impera. And no, that's not the Romans' creation. That was us. Just don't tell anypony, okay? Oh, but you totally can't, being dead and all. Sorry, no offence intended

So, as I was saying, discord had set itself between Master and me, so our perfect (was it perfect in the first place?) plan was slowly coming to a ruin.

"Oh, silly," the Master addressed me with a stupid grin on his face, "I have always been the submissive one, remember?"

"Oh I do..." I hissed, squinting my eyes. "I ever so do..." I muttered under my breath.

The silence was thick enough to be cut with a knife, put on a fine slice of bread and eaten on the spot. Which reminds me, I still hadn't had breakfast by that time...

"Well, when you kissed me, I wouldn't have said you were... um... gay," Fluttershy mumbled with an uneasy smile.

The Master shifted and threw an angry glance towards me.

"Honey? What does that mean?" he asked disapprovingly.

"What's there ta understand? Ya all heard what Miss Fluttershy here said," Bug Mac hissed angrily, casting a warning glance at the beige Time Lord.

"Hey, big one, you're not the one I'm talking to. Go woo your lady or something," the Master replied without actually turning round.

As I saw smoke erupting from the red earth pony's nostrils, I felt it was high time we used the secret weapon of all Time Lords.

It was about time we ran away.

I tried to wink at the Master but at that exact minute he found it better to face Big Macintosh instead. Another grave mistake of his.

"Ah s'pose ya'll should apologise ta Miss Fluttershy immediately," the farmer stated, gradually rising from the table.

"Oh, um... I'm really not offended, Mac, really..." the yellow mare began, gently touching the stallion on the shoulder.

Big Macintosh just shrugged and tossed a smile towards the pegasus.

"No, Miss Fluttershy, this brat right here needs ta learn how to speak ta a fine mare like yourself," he replied firmly, making Fluttershy blush.

"Hey, you earth worm, whom have you just called a 'brat'? Go and talk to your yellow whorse!" the Master yelled angrily, glaring at Big Macintosh.

I didn't tell you how easy it was to offend my dearest Time Lord friend, did I? Well, it was twice as easy to offend Big Macintosh. Especially when Fluttershy was mentioned... in a bad light, so to speak.

I knew where this was going very well so, as a wise Time Lord, I quickly retreated from my place and ran out of the cottage, the noise of pony flesh hitting pony flesh following me all the way till I reached the town square and placed myself near the fountain.

The plan was perfect indeed...

***

"But Master, it all turned out well, right?"

"I don't want to talk to you, you traitor."

The conversation wasn't one of the most heartwarming ones we had had with the Master before. A few days after the aforementioned events, we sat near the fountain in the main square, the Master being bandaged and all. After all, Big Mac surely knew how to develop a good kick.

"I don't want to be a pony anymore," the beige Time Lord whined quietly. "Being a pony sucks horse dicks. No, it sucks pony dicks," he specified angrily.

Suddenly, a red figure appeared in the street, making my fellow friend hide behind my back. It was, no doubt, Big Macintosh, approaching us.

As the farmer pony came up to us closely, I could see a big smile plastered upon his face.

"It worked, Doc! It all worked! Flutty and Ah are now in a relationship!" he said happily as he shook my hoof. "Ah hope Ah didn't hurt you so bad, Mister Master? Ya'll were jes' playin' your role so well that Ah believed for a second that ya really wanted to offend Flutty!" he addressed the Master, shaking his almost lifeless hoof.

"Wha-" the dumbfounded beige stallion began but I quickly shoved a hoof in his mouth, making him cough.

"Thank-you-very-much-Big-Mac-but-we-really-have-to-go-BYE!" I yelled and, grabbing my fellow Time Lord by the hoof, escaped in the direction of the Everfree Forest.

"Those Time Lords are weird..." Big Mac mused and went back to Fluttershy's cottage to spend some more time with his loved one.

***

"So... you're telling me you told Big Mac I was just putting on an act?" the Master wondered.

"Yep," I replied.

"Still, you dragged me in all of this in the first place," he continued.

"Yep," I replied.

"And you got me out of this mess as well," he concluded.

"Yep," I replied with a slight nod.

The Master sighed.

"You're a really good friend, Doctor, although a strange one," he said.

"I know," I replied.

The birds were singing about the forest, making our ears filled with delight. The fresh air enveloped out lungs from the inside, granting invigoration for the rest of the day.

The Master sighed again.

"Totally going to kill you next time we meet, Doctor," he said.

"I know," I replied with a smile. "A cup of tea?" I offered.

"What British stallion refuses a cup of tea?" the Master said.

We rose and walked towards the nearest cafe.

Everything was back to normal.

***

Author's note.

And that concludes this arc. This was the positively worst story arc I've written and I am very, very disappointed in it. Now I need to climb some Holy Summit and draw inspiration from the sound of absolute silence. Till then, I'm leaving to you the right to comment on the whole arc and tell me how bad it was.

Peace.