The hiss of the showerhead rang in my ears. Once again, I sat beside Derpy as the water washed away our sweat and fatigue, cleansing us of our shared pleasure. The sex had been as enjoyable as it ever was. We’d done what we always do; we fucked like rabbits from the moment she walked in the door until we could no longer continue. It was great… honestly. It always is.

I was somehow… disappointed, though.

I guess… I was expecting it to be… different?

I ran a hoof over my face. ‘I’m such a colt, expecting everything to change just because I’m… seeing somepony… kind of.’

“What’s wrong, Guilty?” Derpy asked. I hadn’t been expecting her to say anything to me. She’s usually deep inside her head when we’re in the shower.

“Nothing,” I responded without thinking. “I was just...” I swallowed. “Why do you ask?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. You just looked kinda upset.” She placed a gentle hoof on my shoulder and leaned into me. “What’s up?”

I had been planning to try and clear some stuff up. I guessed this was as good a moment as any. I took a breath. “What…” I’d been planning on asking her about this for some time and I’d scripted dozens of potential scenarios. I had spent a good part of my morning cementing a casual, yet direct, means of addressing my concerns.

“What are we?” I asked, sounding more than a little panicked.

‘I astound myself.’

She cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

“Well I just…” I scrambled for words. “I don’t know what to tell people if they ask what's going on with us. Are we ‘dating’? Are we ‘seeing each other’? I just—” A warm nuzzle both calmed my nerves and silenced my rambling.

“Does it matter?” she asked.

She allowed the question to stew for a moment. I don’t know if she was waiting for a response, but I didn’t quite have one.

“We’re still figuring it out, I think. We haven’t even gone on a date yet. I mean, not a real one.” Her brow furrowed. “Why do you ask? Did somepony say something?”

I sighed. “No… well, yes… I ran into Lily. She was just curious, but I… I don’t know. I felt bad when I didn’t have an answer.”

She shrugged. “It’s okay.” She pressed herself firmly into me. Her body was so warm, even warmer than the water running down her skin. This was new. She never cuddles me in the shower. “Like I said, we’re still figuring it out.”

I didn’t let her see me frown. I appreciated her effort, but it didn’t make my life any easier. I wanted to know what we were. If I knew what we were I’d have a better idea of what steps to take. I needed a role.

“What are you doing on Wednesday night?” she asked without warning.

“Oh, uh…” I checked my mental calendar: no appointments. “Nothing, I think. Why? Have something in mind?”

“No, nothing in particular, just… I want to see you. We should do something.” Her delivery was forced. In that moment I realized that she must’ve been feeling a little awkward about this too.

When she said that, though, it… it felt amazing. My frown vanished, and I couldn’t have stopped smiling if I wanted to. “Yeah, um… you could come over,” I offered. “I could cook dinner or… we could go out again or…”

“Your place sounds good. You wouldn’t mind?” She smiled.

“No, that…” I could feel my grin growing. “That sounds really nice.”

“Great.” Suddenly she took her weight off of me and opened the shower door. “Come on, Guilty. I brought corn muffins today.”

I almost tripped over myself while getting out of the shower. Derpy’s corn muffins are amazing.

So we got dried off and I prepared the tea. There were no words as small yellow food-stuffs were consumed with prejudice. Moist as ever. Strong in flavor. Laden with delicious butter. The world melted away into a muffiny haze, as explosive flavor overwhelmed my senses. I was lost… lost in an endless sky of pastry. Fields of golden corn lay before me as I flew through the buttery sky.

Muffins… what would the world be without them?

Derpy’s voice plucked me from my flavor-induced daydream. We hadn't spoken since muffins were mentioned. “These came out pretty good, huh?”

I swallowed my last bite, sad to see it go. “They always do.” I wiped the crumbs from my face. “Your muffins are fit for royalty, Derpy.”

She rolled her eyes at my flattery. “They’re just muffins, Guilty.”

‘Sacrilege!’

“So anyways…” Derpy wiped crumbs from her mouth. “How is everything, Guilty? Applejack hasn’t given you any trouble lately, has she?” Such concern.

“No, I haven’t seen her since that day.” I groaned aloud. “I’m not going to enjoy that inevitable encounter.”

“Aw… I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

I shot her a look. “Really?”

She shrugged sheepishly and her ears drooped. “Maybe…”

“Meh, it doesn’t matter.” I could feel myself beginning to sulk.

‘Change the subject.’

“How are the girls? Ms. Harvest and them, I mean.”

Derpy perked up. “Everypony’s doing good. Lily’s sister’s birthday was the other day. We had a party. Lyra got drunk. It was silly.”

‘Sounds like Lyra.’

“So, you guys had fun?”

“Yeah, it was nice.” She rested her head in her hooves.

I grinned, as ponies often do during pleasant conversation. I was enjoying our little chatter over muffins. It was exactly like it had always been. Which is likely why a slightly uncomfortable thought occurred to me once again.

‘Should things be different now?’

It weighed on my mind, evidently. Our relationship was changing. Wasn't everything else supposed to change with it? I decided that this wasn't the best time to fret, however, and I continued enjoying her company. I guess I've just… got a lot of stress in regards to this whole thing. Twilight and I talked about it, but… it’s still kinda… scary. I’m just in uncharted territory and in desperate need of a map.

I came back to reality, realizing it was my turn to speak again. “So how’s Dinky? School going okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah. She’s doing really well. She hasn't gotten into any more fights, either.” She took a deep breath. “It’s been nice. One less thing to worry over.”

'I could use one less thing to worry over right now.' “That’s good.”

And then, the conversation stopped. Nothing had happened, for the record. We weren’t interrupted and it wasn’t some awkward silence. We were just sort of... smiling at each other. I caught myself staring but… I didn’t stop. I allowed myself to stare at her, to take in every detail I could. The shape of her chin, the crook of her eyes, the way her mane moved just so. She did the same. I followed her gaze as best I could: my eyes, my shoulders, my jawline, I think. She was just as eager to drink in my features as I was hers.

I changed my mind. Things were definitely a little different.

“So I should probably get going.”

“Tragedy.”

She giggled. “You’re so silly, Guilty.”

“Well, it’s just that the rest of my day is downhill from here.”

She rolled her eyes and laughed. “You’re such a dork sometimes.”

“Well aren't you rude,” I teased.

“Not listening!” she joked. “Anyways, I stayed a little late today so I’ll pay for the third hour.”

‘Has it really been that long?’ I checked the clock. ‘Ten past one, I’ll be damned. Sessions with Derpy fly by faster than ever these days.’

I cleared my throat. “Don’t sweat the extra hour, Derpy. It’s not a big deal.”

“No, you’ve got your rule. I’ll pay for it,” she insisted.

“Derpy, I’m serious. You don’t need to pay for three hours. I probably shouldn’t even be charging you for any.” I hadn’t meant to say that. It just sort of came out.

Derpy cocked her head. “Why?”

“Well because… you know.” I waited for her to catch on. She didn’t. “Because of… us.”

She shook her head, determined. “Mm-mmm. No way. I’m not going to stop paying for sessions, Guilty. I pay Goldy for carrots. I pay Bon Bon for candy. And I’m going to pay Guilty for sex...” She gathered up her basket and saddlebags. “…on Sundays.”

She smirked, and her meaning became clear.

I smirked back.

She removed three hours’ worth of bits from her bags and made for the door. She was paying for that hour regardless of my opinion. “So… Wednesday?”

I nodded. “Wednesday. Seven?”

She nodded back. “Seven.”

“Bye, Derpy.”

“Bye, Guilty.”

Exit.

Twenty paces.

Turn.

Wave.

Leave.

With a click, the latch on my door snapped into place, and once again I had my house to myself. With more than twenty four hours till my next appointment, I wasn’t exactly sure what to do with my time. ‘I’m just sort of living from one Derpy encounter to another. Aren’t I?’

I rubbed tiredness from my eyes. I was already dreading the inevitable emptiness of my evening.

So, I tidied. Sheets. Dishes. I reorganized my music collection. Threw out some old magazines. After that, I just sort of… waited. Okay, that’s not entirely true.

I masturbated… a couple times.

Probably not the smartest thing to do, given the circumstances. I was going to need full testes tomorrow. Still, I kept thinking about that dream I had, the one with Derpy in the stable. It’s been making for good masturbation fodder lately. It was such a warm dream. I sort of keep hoping I have it again.

Sadly, I didn't.

The next morning I journeyed into town again. After all, I’d just agreed to cook dinner for Derpy, I was going to need something to cook. I’d been thinking about stir-fry, but that idea died once I got into town. There was no market that day; the weather had gotten cold enough to keep most sane ponies indoors. As such, I’d have to see what was available at the local grocery store.

I made it to Barnyard Bargains without incident. No unfortunate encounters, no glares, not even so much as a whisper behind my back. I’d even remembered how cold it got inside, and packed an extra coat accordingly. Things were going well. I meandered a bit, hoping to be inspired by the selection.

Bags of frozen veggies, instant noodles of all kinds, less than appetizing “fresh” produce, it wasn’t much to work with.

‘There’s pasta. No, not feeling it. Brownie mix? Nah, I don’t think I want to make dessert. Ugh, that bread looks as stale as anything.' The crusty little loaves caught my attention. Wait a second… ‘

I got a wicked idea. Stale bread, frozen vegetables, they had eggs, too. I have everything I needed to make a nice veggieloaf.

‘What do I need... onion, celery, some ketchup? I have milk at home, and plenty of spices. I need a good base, though… Oh, they have oats, perfect. Yeah, I’m doing this.’

I gathered up everything I needed. I hadn’t made veggieloaf in quite some time, not since I moved to Ponyville. Crook always loved my veggieloaf, I used to make it for him pretty often. Cooking lessons were part of my escort training, and I always enjoyed them. This was probably because I got to eat something after every lesson. It wasn’t always good, but an extra meal was an extra meal.

‘What else, though? I need a side dish or two. Potatoes of some kind wouldn’t be bad. Maybe in a salad? I think I saw some decent looking spuds back over fuck my life, Applejack!’

She noticed me only a fraction of a second before I saw her. She had stopped mid reach, her hoof wrapping around a large bag of brown sugar. I was equally frozen, still just holding my cart of vegetables.

I waited for the inevitable. The encounter I’d been dreading was coming to pass. Here she was, my tormentor, no Derpy to defend me, no Crook to protect me, just Applejack. I swallowed as her eyebrows slowly turned down. Her lips twisted into a frown. This was it, this was my comeuppance.

And then she walked away. She grabbed her sugar, tossed it over her back, and walked straight past me.

I was dumbfounded. This was Applejack. The Applejack. She never needed a reason to hassle me, and today she had a good one. But here she was, pretending nothing had ever happened.

My next move was, admittedly, stupid. In my disbelief I swung around to confirm she was, in fact, just going to walk on by. “Is that it?” I blurted.

On she walked. Clearly choosing not to hear me. Stunned, I watched her trot off, and ultimately disappear around a corner.

“Okay then,” I said to no one in particular. I turned back around and grabbed my cart. It still took me a few moments to get my bearings. Once I convinced myself that that had actually just happened I continued with my chores.

Eventually I had my whole meal planned. Veggieloaf, mashed potatoes, and some asparagus. I also grabbed a bottle of cheap wine, and some more of that brown ale for myself. Once again, my submissive client rang me up. She managed to do so without an embarrassing faux pas, this time.

I took my leave, still trying to comprehend Applejack’s actions. ‘Am I… being ignored?’ I considered that maybe this was all some elaborate ruse. She was lulling me into a false sense of security. That theory didn’t hold a lot of water, though. Applejack wasn’t a schemer, she was a confronter. She wasn’t a delicate tool, she was a sledgehammer. A Crook, not a Guilty.

I think it’s the next evolution of her harassment: the cold shoulder. She’s going to act like I don’t exist to my face. Shunning, I think it’s called. Truthfully, I’m perfectly fine with that; I don’t need any interaction from her. I’m used to being ignored, being just a face in the crowd. In her mind it must be more of an insult, but to me it’s just about the most I could’ve asked for.

I got home swiftly; the weather looked like it was taking a turn. I hadn’t checked the weather schedule that morning, but It looked like there was going to be snow today. Once I got my groceries away, I began to… steel myself for upcoming appointment.

I had taken an appointment that… well… I wouldn’t normally take.

So, I got a reference from a client of mine, Berry. She’s a drinker. Luckily she brings her own wine, so I’m never paying for it, but that’s neither here nor there. Apparently a friend of hers owns a bar, and was looking for a good time with me. I was more than happy than happy to oblige. From Berry’s Description she seemed like a fun client. I was eager as ever get a new client until…

… Berry mentioned the husband.

Now, I’m no stranger to a Devil’s Threesome. I just… wasn’t sure I wanted to take a male client. Still, I humored her. I asked some questions. I acted like I was a little bit interested. They sounded like a nice enough couple: Earth Pony mare, Unicorn stallion, business owners. They moved here from some town called Caerfilly. In the end, I told Berry that my schedule was pretty full. She understood, and took her leave.

A few months later, Berry brought it up again in, wondering if my schedule was free. Once again, I managed to get myself out of it fairly easily.

Now, however, I was intrigued. Call it idle curiosity, but I decided to pay the two of them a visit.

The Ebol Bychan is a pub in town. I’d never been, but apparently it was owned by the couple in question. Truthfully it was a great little place. It had a nice stock, and looked like a lovely little pub. It wasn’t crowded, but hey, it was the middle of the day: just myself, a few regulars, and the mare behind the bar.

And what a mare she was. She was easily Quake’s height, though not quite as stocky. A slate grey coat. A navy blue mane. She was a massive sexy beast. The lovely lady made conversation with regulars in a thick Trottingham accent, pouring drinks and cracking jokes. I’ll admit it; I wanted her as a client.

I lurked in the background for a while, observing. Keeping to yourself is perfectly acceptable in a bar or pub, and no one made a point of pestering me. Nopony had really recognized me yet. I was just another weary patron, drinking away his time. I waited, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mare’s lesser half.

And lesser, he surely was. He stepped in the front door and promptly made his way behind the bar, standing a full head below his beloved. “Hello, wife,” he said. His voice was high and joyous.

“There you are.” She gave him a quick peck on the forehead. “Take over, I need teh set for a spell.”

“Yes love,” he replied, perhaps a tad whipped.

He was a yellow fellow. (Heh heh.) A dirty blonde mane with a little goatee and a bit on the thin side, he deftly filled the role that his wife was playing. A friendly smile, a jovial attitude, he was very… non-threatening. I suppose that’s why I was here, really. I was trying to… make myself okay with this.

I mean… I don’t want to turn down a client just because a stallion will be there, I just… I don’t know.

I mean… I do know. I’m not gay, or even bi. That’s what it really comes down to. I just don’t… enjoy being with stallions. It isn’t pleasant to me. When I was working the stable it was kind of like… eating your vegetables. Sure, it wasn’t fun, but it was necessary.

Now, though, it isn’t. I don’t have to take male clients. I don’t have to pretend I enjoy it. I don’t have to buckle down and take jobs that I don’t want to take. I’m in charge now, and I don’t have to do that. I don’t want to do that.

Lost in my head, I failed to notice that I’d made eye contact with the object of my worry. He smiled and waved, unaware of the alarms ringing in my head.

‘What have you done, Guilty? What have you done?! He’s walking over here! Quick, prepare an act!’ I had to think fast. No time to create a character, I would just have to keep my identity vague. ‘Be surly, be reserved, you’re his customer, you make the rules.’

“I ‘Aven’t seen ‘ou round ‘ere before.” I hadn’t noticed from afar, but his accent was hard to pin down. Almost like Trottingham, but… off.

I bowed my head and sighed heavily. “Just… looking for a quiet corner to drink.” ‘Appear annoyed, best thing you can do to make him leave.’

“Well, let me get ch’ou another one, yeh?” ‘Thick bastard.’

“You’ve got other customers. Get them a drink.” ‘Okay Guilty, don’t take it too far, you want to be forgotten. Be dismissive, not rude.’

“Well, I juss filled up Rusty, and I’ve got ‘alf a mind to cut off the Colonel. Juss leaves you.” He smiled. It was a genuine smile, no ill intent. He hadn’t been fazed by my overt lack of manners. I inspected my glass, it was getting pretty empty.

I acquiesced. I slid my mug to him. His magic lifted it off the table, and he made for the bar. ‘Now hang on, Guilty. Let’s not let this opportunity pass by. This stallion is your present obstacle. Get a feel for him, try and figure out what kind of pony he is. The more you know, the less you have to fear.’

When the Barkeep returned, I put on an apologetic mask. He my placed my beer back in front of me. “Thanks, um…” Scratch at back of head. “Sorry for being short with you. Just… having a rough day.”

He frowned. “Iss barely noon. Far too airly to be ‘avin’ a bad day.” His accent was so thick, it was almost hard to follow. I’ve known foreigners who spoke clearer Equestrian.

‘Keep things vague. Don’t commit to a story when you don’t have to.’ “Yeah, well…” I trailed off and took a sip of my beer. “… shit happens.”

“Sorry to hear. ‘Ou want somethin’ a little stronger?” he offered.

I just shook my head.

“You shoe-er?” It took me several seconds to figure out that he was asking if I was sure.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I thrust an open hoof to the stallion. “Pumpkin Bread,” I stated, my default pseudonym.

He took my hoof and shook it hard as he could… which honestly wasn’t very hard. “Dai Thunderhoof, that’s D-A-I.” he offered back. “But I mostly go by Greenhoof.”

My brow furrowed a bit. “I can see why. That’s an interesting name.” He grabbed the back of the chair opposite me, waiting for my approval. I nodded, and he sat.

“Yeh, well… It’s not Equestrian.” He said no more on the subject.

‘Have I touched a nerve? Change the subject.’ “Why Greenhoof, though? I mean you’re… so very yellow,” I laughed a little.

“Yes, well… comes with the territory, I suppose.”

“As a barkeep?” I asked.

“As a gardener,” he replied. “I grow the veggies and such for the food on the menu. What about ch’ourself.”

“Baker.” The response was automatic. Pumpkin Bread is an old character of mine. I know his history front and back.

“Oh, thass gotta be tough, bein’ in the same town as Sugarcube Corner.”

I found a quick response. “Well, that place is more about pastries. I mostly do breads.”

“Oh, well thass nice. Everypony needs bread.” His face was plastered with a big friendly smile.

“That they do.” ‘Okay Guilty, start probing. What kind of pony is he?’ I pondered my first maneuver. ‘A jealousy test,’ I decided.

See, sometimes in my line of work, a couple will come in to see me, it’s far from unheard of. However, once we’re in the act, the guy might decide that he’s not okay with the whole “threesome” thing. Ofttimes the stallion will just explain that he’s uncomfortable, and everything comes to a close. Other times however, these stallions can get… confrontational. It’s no fun having a livid boyfriend literally pry you off of his significant other.

“So working here must be nice, huh? Get to stare at that big grey ass all day, right?” Chuckle luridly. “I would not mind a piece of her pie.” Sleazy smile.

His reaction was not to be expected; he grinned. “Yeah? I’ll let her know you said so.”

For a moment I doubted myself. ‘Do I have the wrong stallion?’ No, he fit Berry’s description to a T. ‘This is his wife I’m talking about, and he didn’t even blink at that. He all but offered her up on a platter. His face betrayed no ill intent, or anything disingenuous. He meant what he said, at least.’ Remembering myself, I responded. “Thanks.” ‘Okay, I am intrigued.’

“So, no girlfriend, I take it?” he asked. He was on the offensive.

“I’ve… got a girl… kind of.” I am hating this question more and more.

His grin grew wider. “And here ‘ou are, talkin’ aboat the barmaid. Naughty Naughty.”

I grinned back. “Just about as naughty as the stallion who just agreed to help me court his wife.”

His gaze narrowed. “How’d ‘ou know she was my wife?”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Well, you did call her ‘wife’ when you walked in. Kind of a giveaway.”

“Oh, I suppose I did. Wait, ‘ang on. That means ‘ou knew she was my wife when you were hittin’ on her.”

“I suppose I did.” I took a long sip of beer, waiting for some reaction from him. None came. “You really don’t mind if I fuck your wife?”

“No,” he said simply. Not a lie. No hesitation. He was even a little bit excited at the prospect. ‘Okay, he passes the jealousy test. What’s your next move?’

I cradled my chin in my hooves, trying my hardest not to stare. ‘Does he have a temper?’ A risky strategy occurred to me. ‘Okay, you can do this, but it’s not going to be fun.’

I curled my lips into a sadistic smile and prepared myself for an unpleasant act. “Well, that makes sense I guess.”

His brow furrowed. He’d been trying to get a reaction out of me, and I hadn’t given one. “Oh yeah? How’sat?”

I tried not to wince at the foul flavor of my words. “Well she’s like a nine, and you’re like a… six. You’ve got some kind of arrangement, right? Just the price of dating above yourself, I guess.”

His eyes bulged. He could not believe his ears, just as intended. How somepony reacts an insult is very telling. The thing is, some ponies will just take the high road if they feel themselves being called out. Disguise an insult as something else, and you tend to get a better read on them.

“Wow,” was all he could muster. ‘Scan his features for signs of anger. They can be subtle, but you’re good at this. This is what your special talent was made for.’ A slight tensing of the jaw muscles, he was angry, but not immensely so. His brow seemed normal, nothing going on there. His eyes… they were just shocked, couldn’t do much with that. I waited for the anger to build, searched for some buildup of emotion in his body.

And then nothing happened. The tensing in his jaw relaxed, his eyes returned to normal, and his lips even returned to a smile. “Enjoy your drink,” was all he said as he removed himself from his seat. It was a perfectly mature reaction, choosing to ignore somepony so venomous. He didn’t even get all that mad at me, just decided I wasn’t worth talking to.

In that moment I decided I’d learned all I needed to. “What’s a good day for you?” I called after him.

He turned around, uncomprehending. “Sorry, wot?”

I smiled. “I figure a weekday would be best. The bar’s probably busy at night, so during the day would be best, right? How’s Tuesday for you?”

The poor stallion was desperately trying to catch up. “What are you on about?”

I grinned and motioned for him to sit again. I love when I get to do this. “Allow me to explain. My name is not, in fact, Pumpkin Bread. My name is Guilty Pleasure and I am, to be blunt, the town whore.”

Once again, the poor stallion could not believe his ears. Before he could inquire further I continued. “I came here today to determine whether or not I would take you on as clients. In light of your mature reaction to my brazen behavior and your genuine willingness to share your wife with another stallion, I have decided that a session with the three of us would be perfectly acceptable.”

He opened his mouth to interject but I pressed on, smirking all the while.

“See normally, I don’t take stallions on as clients, not even ones with lovely wives. I had to make sure that you weren’t a short tempered, jealous husband who might ruin an otherwise lovely session. Since I’ve determined that you’re a decent fellow, I’ll ask again: Are you free Tuesday afternoon?”

The poor stallion looked dumbstruck. “Wot… juss ‘appened?”

A few minutes later I was sitting down with the couple, ironing out a time and a session. Coaldust, the wife, seemed pleased with the situation. Apparently she’d practically given up on becoming a client. I was happy to defy her expectations.

Tuesday morning, there was a heavy knock at my door. They were three minutes late. We’d spent a good amount of time discussing what a session would entail, and I had a decent script for the whole evening. Still, things rarely go according to plan, so I was prepared for anything.

‘Alright, Guilty. Music on, kettle boiling, bedroom arranged, conversation prepared. You are ready for this.’ I reach for the doorknob, only slightly hesitating. “Coaldust, Greenhoof, come on in.”

Their eyes were already scanning my home. “This is a lovely place ‘ou’ve got here,” spoke the giantess. I exaggerate, but she’s pretty fucking huge. For the record, that’s a plus in my book. Big mares have big assets.

“Well, thank you. Let me take your coats, have a seat.” The eager couple obliged, and the two of them sat at my table. There was an excited energy about them. The two of them were clearly ready and raring to go. However, I didn’t want this session to come to a climax too quickly. I had to cool them off before I could heat things up.

I joined them at the table. “So, I have the kettle on. Let’s just wait for that tea.”

The two of them were almost panting. “Sorry if we’re a little… worked up. This is all juss ‘appening so fast,” said Greenhoof.

“I’ll say. It ‘asn’t even been a day.” Coaldust’s voice was low, almost husky. “I juss mentioned it teh Berry off hoof, and then the next day me husband tells me that the Escort’s come to see us. And now, ‘ere we are!”

Amused chuckle. “Oh please, it’s hardly the royal palace.” Cradle chin in hooves. “It does serve its purpose, though.” Warm smile. Deliberate stare. “It’s just a little… business-cum-residence. There seems to be a lot of those in Ponyville.”

And just like that, conversation had begun. “The Bychan’s the same. Downstairs is the pub, and upstairs is home,” spoke Greenhoof.

“So how long have you lived there?” Friendly smile. These two were clearly not Ponyville natives. Any tiny sliver of something in common is grounds for bonding.

“Oh, we both moved ‘ere from Caerfilly some five years ago,” said Coaldust.

“Yeah? Friends in town, or…?”

“Family for me,” answered Greenhoof. “A relative owned a farm in town. That farm is now the Bychan.”

“Mmhmm. When I met him, I helped him fix it up,” explained the mare.

“Oh, so you two met here?”

Coaldust nodded. “When I’d heard the new pony in town was from Caerfilly, I had to meet him. Turned out to be the best day of my life. Months later we were married with a pub.”

Cute story. “Well, it’s a lovely little place,” I complimented.

Coaldust smiled proudly. “Thank you, I designed it meself. Built it, too.”

Impressed expression. “Well, you’re quite the architect.”

“Aye, that she is.” The couple shared a look. It one of those… weirdly alienating looks, like Lyra and Bon Bon shared. I felt like I was intruding on their moment. I wanted to say something and move the conversation forward, but it seemed like I would’ve been interrupting.

Thankfully, I was rescued by a whistling kettle. “I’ll just get that.” ‘Okay Guilty, let’s see what the lovely couple has to say when you’re out of the room.’ As I made my way to the kitchen, I kept an ear pointed toward my clients.

“So… excited?” asked Greenhoof.

“O’ course, I am. Are you?”

“O’ course. Been a while since we got you in bed with another stallion.”

‘Well, they’re no strangers to guests in the bedroom. That’s a good sign.’

“Far too long, if you ask me,” teased the wife.

“Careful now, I may juss get jealous,” joked the husband. The two of them chuckled.

There was a moment of silence as I turned the stove off.

The stallion broke the silence. “So, what do you think of him?”

‘Oh hey, they’re talking about me.’

“He’s very handsome. Reminds me o’ you.”

He laughed. “I’m serious.”

“I’m bein’ serious. He’s small for an earth pony. Reminds me of my frail little unicorn husband,” she teased again.

“Alright, alright. That’s enough o’ that.”

‘It’s been long enough. Time to return.’

I entered the living room once more, placing my tea tray onto the table. “I prepared some lovely green tea. I hope that’s okay.” I took my seat again. “We’ll just give it a bit.” I started a mental countdown for two and a half minutes. “So, Caerfilly’s near Trottingham, right? How’s the tea there?” Trottingham ponies can always talk about tea.

“Oh, we get great tea back home,” explained Greenhoof. He went on to explain about teas, and then the conversation just began to flow. We talked about tea, then liquor, then their pub. At one point we even started talking about where we grew up.

As our chat proceeded, I began to… notice something. The way the two of them carried on was… intriguing. They talked and spoke and behaved in a way that, at times, made them appear as a single being. They would tell a story and each one would know just where to pick up when the other left off. They would even speak in unison at times. They were so familiar with each other that they could… function for each other.

It’s not as though they were of one mind, though. They were just… so intimately familiar that they could anticipate one another’s actions with impeccable accuracy. ‘Is this what being a couple is like? The only pony in the world I’m that familiar with is Crook, and he’s basically a brother. Is it like gaining a sibling? That can’t possibly be right.’

After our tea was finished and our small talk began to lull, I decided to ask my all important question. “So, what exactly can I do for you today?”

The two of them perked up. It seemed they’d almost forgotten about the crux of the visit. “Well…” Coaldust began. “… I just wanted to put on a show for my naughty little husband.”

“Oh so I’m the naughty one?” asked Greenhoof in mock anger.

She tapped him on the nose. “Yes.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Sounds like fun,” I responded. Rising, I turned to the bedroom. “Shall we?

Truthfully, that made me feel a little better. If Greenhoof was just going to watch, I wouldn’t feel too put off. Then again, nothing was exactly set in stone. If Greenhoof wanted to join in at some point… things were going to get complicated.

We entered the bedroom, which I had rearranged slightly. I’d anticipated Coaldust’s request for a show and brought an extra floor cushion for the husband.

“So, a couple rules before we begin,” I said as I downed my potion. Receiving no reply, I continued. “If at any point anyone, myself included, says stop, everything stops. No exceptions.” I may have hammered that rule a tad harder than normal. “Second, no kissing on the lips. Well… you two can, just not with me, I mean.”

“Sounds good,” said the mare. Excitement was apparent in her voice.

And with that, I dove into my act. Sexy smile. Seductive Tenor. “Excellent.” Slow purposeful removal of jeans. “Let’s begin.” I offered her a hoof, which she took, and I led her to the bed. Without instruction Greenhoof found the cushion and took a seat. A little planning goes a long way.

Practiced hooves guided the large lady onto her back. She yelped as I placed myself on top of her. “I’ve been looking forward to this,” I admitted.

“You’re not the only one,” she said with a hungry grin.

I traced a hoof along her side, eliciting a small gasp and a blush. I worked my way down, kissing her neck and barrel, running my hooves along her hips and legs. She twitched and moaned in delight as I worked my magic. My lips came closer and closer to where she needed the most attention. I could feel her need. Her muscles tensed as I teased her, approaching her lips with painstaking patience. She was in no mood. “Juss’ do it fer fuck’s sake!” she begged, equal parts desperation and annoyance.

Not wet yet, but we’d moved pretty quickly. I remedied that. “Oooooooooh, yes yes yes yes yes,” she crooned as my tongue began to travel along her marehood. “Oh my goodness, yes.” There’s something about dark coats that makes a mare’s lips seem so much more pink. Her little slit peeked proudly through the fuzz.

As her pleasure began to build, so did her movements. I dove deep, clinging to her thick corded haunches as her hips began to gyrate.

Not an uncommon reaction to head, but a troublesome one. You just have to stick to your guns and follow the pussy where it goes.

Her flavor began emerge, and I eagerly licked it up. By now her lips were blushing and soaked. Wet flesh. Mingling fluids. Pumping hormones. This is my happy place.

Quite suddenly my happy place got… smaller. My world shrank as Coaldust’s hind legs wrapped themselves around my skull. “Oh my goodness don’t stop.”

‘I wasn’t planning on it.’ A little cramped, but not uncomfortably so. My muzzle was forced firmly into her lips, and my tongue began to explore deeper into her entrance. I let her scent wash over me as she inched closer and closer to climax. ‘Any minute now…’

Moments later she cried out. “Oh my goodness, I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come!” She gasped deeply as I pushed her over the peak into orgasm. In that moment, my world shrank again. Her legs squeezed hard on my head. ‘Holy shit, she’s strong. That is pain.’

I tapped furiously at any part of her, cries muffled by her flesh. “Oh gosh. Sorry.” Her legs spread wide, and I was set free. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

‘Yeah, kinda.’ “Not at all, Just got a little cramped down there.”

“Don’t kill ‘im, it was just getting good,” teased the husband. I’d almost forgotten he was there.

“Hey now,” warned the wife.

The husband just chuckled. “How was he?” he asked.

She just let out a low whistle in response. She ran her hooves through her sweaty mane and turned her attention back to me. “My turn!” she declared with a devilish grin.

Before I realized it I was on my back, my hooves pinned at my sides. Her weight was impressive. She licked her lips as her eyes traveled over my body, feasting on the sight of me. Ever downward her gaze fell, until it reached its inevitable destination. She chuckled.

That never feels very good, but it does happen.

“He’s your size,” she said to Dai. A large smile began to emerge on her face.

“Yeah?” he asked, amused.

“Yeah.” The weight on top of me was removed as she slid her body down to nuzzle my erection. She placed a small peck on my shaft as a hoof brushed gently against my testes. I was surprised at how gentle she could be. “It’s wonderful,” she said.

Okay, that felt good.

Without pause, she wrapped her lips around me. Her gentleness left as soon as it arrived. I was completely enveloped in an instant. “Ho geez,” I sputtered. Her head bobbed vigorously on my member. “You sure don’t waste time do you?”

“She sure doesn’t,” agreed Dai.

The great mare’s hooves found their way between her legs, and soft wet noises began to pervade the room. She lifted her tail high, giving her husband an excellent view of her self-pleasure. She was clearly no stranger to putting on a show. I ran a hoof through her mane, and placed it firmly at the back of her head, guiding her bobs a little deeper.

The familiar *Glk Glk Glk* of a deep-throating mare began to ring out. I kept her pace slow and even, no need to finish so quickly. She moaned in pleasure, dining on the flavor and scent of my cock.

I couldn’t see Dai from my position, but I could hear him. He’d begun pleasuring himself, and he was not really a quiet masturbator. Heavy breaths and some small, frankly girlish, moans. It was kind of adorable, to be honest. A rugged mare and a dainty stallion, they made a cute couple.

“I’m close,” I managed to say after several minutes. She popped me out of her mouth and wrapped a hoof around me. She pumped with vigor as my climax came. Pangs of pleasure shook my body and my testes clenched. Ribbons of warm cum spilled onto my chest, each pump of her hoof adding another strand of white to my coat. I sat up, and smile tiredly at Coaldust.

“Having fun?” she inquired.

“You have to ask?”

She chuckled before giving my now-soft member a tender nuzzle. “How about you, husband? Having fun?”

“Yes, wife,” came a tired reply. His chest sweaty, his hoof cum-drenched, he was having fun. Coaldust rolled off me, giving Dai a proper view of my equipment. “Oh, lookit that. He is my size.” I, admittedly, took a glance myself. Our sizes certainly were certainly comparable. I wasn’t exactly going to break out a ruler, but we both shared a smaller than average fate.

“Ready for more?” asked the eager mare, eyes half-lidded.

“I think I… we…” I indicated her husband. “… might need to take five.”

“Hmm, too bad,” she whined. “I’ll just have to finish myself off.” Ever eager, she decided to give the two of us a show. She rolled onto her back and spread her legs wide. A delicate hoof reached down and began to rub her glistening lips. Her head rolled back and a moan escaped her throat.

“She always knows how to get my blood flowin’ again.” Dai sighed contentedly.

“Well, if I didn’t, ‘ou’d just stop after one,” she said, increasing her pace.

He laughed at that. “Maybe so.”

I decided to chime in. “I was actually going to say something. She must do this a lot; she’s good at it.”

“Yes she is,” Dai agreed.

She giggled through her ecstasy. “Well, thank you.”

Her legs went stiff, and lifted her hips of the bed. Her hoof shook like mad across her stiff little clit. “Almost… almost…” Without realizing it, I’d begun to run my hoof across my sensitive member. It was already at half-mast. She let out a long yell as she came. Her powerful legs buckled, and she collapsed back onto the bed. She brought her slimy hoof up to her face, and without hesitating began to hungrily lap up her juices.

That was all it took. Something about a mare delighting that much in her own body, devouring her own pleasure like that, it was… for lack of a better word… hot. So very, very hot.

Wordlessly, I crawled over to the mare. She ran a hoof across my cheek as I guided her onto her stomach. She yelped slightly as my hooves lifted her hips off the mattress. “Yes… oh yes,” she panted. Her legs opened wide, lowering her entrance . She knew how to fuck a stallion shorter than herself. That much was clear. I lifted her tail, taking in the view of her shining, juicy entrance.

I thrust myself into her. She was so warm, almost hot, and absolutely dripping. I didn’t bother starting slow, she was so ready. I started at a quick pace. Each thrust of my own was met with a powerful, almost hip-crushing thrust from Coaldust.

The stallion, apparently, had the same renewed vigor as myself. I could see him furiously pleasuring himself out of the corner of my eye. Looking back, I feel like it was the kind of thing that should’ve made me start think about stallions, but in the moment it didn’t bother me.

As the pace of things increased, Coaldust’s thrusts became more forceful. She lifted her chest off the bed, angling her body downward. I leaned back to compensate, putting us into a fun position for which I never really learned a name. It’s really just doggy style at an angle, so the mare is slightly on top. If I extended my legs beneath her, we’d be in reverse cowgirl.

But, I digress.

Coaldust’s powerful body bounced onto me, faster and faster. I’d given up trying to thrust myself; I was just throwing off her pace. She came with force. As climax gripped her, her hips fell onto mine. She collapsed forward, just in time for me to spill myself all over her backside. She relished her orgasm, her entrance still gaping, her muscles still twitching.

“Mmmmmmmm...” She toppled onto her side, contented. “It’s so warm,” she said. I wished I could see her expression, but a seed-covered ass was a fine view too.

“I hate to interrupt…” came the husband’s voice. I turned, and immediately had to stifle a laugh.

One spunk-covered eye squinted on his face. “… do you have a towel, or…” one large splatter of jism coated half his face. Despite my sense of professionalism, I actually chuckled a little.

Misfires are always funny.

“Sure, let me just get a few.” I climbed off the bed, my stallionhood dangling limply beneath me.

I decided we could all use a towel, so I sauntered over to a chest and pulled out three medium ones. I tossed one to my blinded client, and threw another onto the bed, which was mostly ignored. Coaldust leisurely rolled to face her husband. “Had fun?” she inquired sweetly.

“Yes,” he said, removing the towel from his now-clean(ish) face. “I don’t have to ask if you did.” He lifted himself from the cushion, trotted over to his wife. She stretched herself upward, and the two shared a small peck.

And there was that gaze again, that gaze that made me feel out of place. It felt so intimate, more intimate than the sex we’d just had. And then something peculiar happened.

“I love you,” they said. They. In perfect unison. Without any indication or signal, the two of them shared a perfect moment of mutual understanding. Then, I knew. I knew that I was looking at what it meant to be a couple.

Just because I was looking at it, though, didn’t mean I understood it. It seemed… impossible. They knew more about each other than they should be able to. It was… daunting.

The two shared a kiss and a quick nuzzle. I had to say something, anything before this moment dragged on any further. I’d frozen up before, but this time I refused to writhe in this again. “Look at you lovebirds.” Not my best work.

They blushed. “Aye, look at us, indeed,” said Greenhoof.

I’m not sure why I said what I said next. “I hope I have that with somepony someday.” Maybe it wasn’t just some random line to fill the conversation. Maybe it was true.

“Oh, I’m shoe-er there’s somepony out there for you,” said Coaldust in a tone that made me feel slightly pitied. “Especially bein’ as good as you are in bed.” Her husband chuckled as her took her hoof and helped her off the bed. “I meant to ask earlier, what is this bed made of? Is it floating?”

“It’s cloud. And yes, it’s floating.”

“It’s heavenly. Husband, buy me one of these,” she said jokingly.

“Yes wife,” he responded lovingly. I felt bad for the poor stallion. He was in for a nasty surprise should he ever look up a price.

“I have a shower if you’d like. Big enough for two ponies,” I tempted.

They took my offer, leaving me time to clean while they bathed. I had just begun loading my washing machine, when I heard... further activities from upstairs. Apparently, five orgasms between them wasn’t enough. Still, that’s what my big shower is for, really. Plus, it’s fun to get paid for other people having sex.

I was able to get everything cleaned up while the couple enjoyed my facilities. When they came downstairs, they were hanging off each other. Manes still damp, nuzzling like teenagers, they were quite darling.

“I trust you enjoyed the shower,” I said with a smirk.

The couple just giggled to themselves.

“Well, I’ve prepared some more tea if you care to join me for another drink.”

The couple shared a look. “Maybe just one, but after that, we better go. We're about to hit our third hour,” said Coaldust.

I nodded in understanding. "Please, sit." I poured three final cups as we all took out seats again. "So, I hope you enjoyed our session. If you did, you're always welcome back."

Greenhoof blew on his levitating teacup while his wife answered. "Oh, we'll definitely be back at some point." She took a sip before resting her elbow on the table. "That was so much fun."

"Aye, it was," agreed Dai. He leaned in to rest his head on her shoulder, and she placed her head on top of his.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "You two are so cute," I said.

They both laughed. "What makes you say that?" asked Coaldust.

"We'll you're both... so suited to your roles. You compliment each other so well. It's just sort of...darling."

Greenhoof raised an eyebrow. "How do you mean?"

"I just mean... all the things you do. You finish sentences for each other. You rest your heads together like that. You even share a desire for extra-marital intimacy. You just seem... to perfect together." As I spoke, I began to hear a hint of envy leak into my voice. "It's... just nice to see."

"Oh, well... thank you," he responded, turning slightly red. "It... just comes natural anymore."

"Aye it does," agreed the wife. "Over time, we just sort of... molded to fit together."

'How much time?' I wanted to inquire more. I wanted to ask them how their relationship got to this point. I wanted to ask them more about all the cute little things they do. I wanted to find out what I needed to do to get to that point. I wanted to know how to get what they had that made them so perfect for eachother.

"So how about you? Got a girl o' your own?" asked Dai.

I could feel myself blanch. "Well, it's... complicated. We're still figuring things out" 'Careful not to drop your act. You don't want to start gushing to brand new clients.'

Coaldust nodded before finishing a sip of tea. "I can imagine."

The husband polished of his cup and placed it gently onto the table. "That was lovely tea."

"Almost done, love," said the wife.

"Take your time, dear," he said with a grin.

Coaldust grinned back, and took another sip. "If you don't mind me sayin', Guilty, you're little lady is a lucky mare." With a loud clack, she set her cup onto the table. "I wish Dai could make tea this good."

Greenhoof feigned offense as the two rose. "We should get going, now."

I nodded. I would’ve loved to spend more time with them, but they were clients. I didn’t want them paying more than they intended. From his hanging coat, Greenhoof produced a medium sac of bits, and hoofed it to me.

I placed the sack onto my table. “Well, unless there’s anything else I can do…”

Coaldust laughed luridly. “Oh, you did plenty.”

“Well then… next time?”

“Next time,” they said. They again.

With a small farewell, they took their leave, neck-in-neck.

I was left with… a lot to think about.

Was that… was that the eventual path I would take with Derpy? Was I, in fact, getting a glimpse of my own relationship further down the line? Would I really have what those two have some day? Would I have to be that connected with Derpy? That trusting? That close? In some ways, the prospect is sort of... scary.

I suppose it’s not a good habit to compare yourself to others.

Not an easy habit to break, though. I can’t help but feel like… I’m failing somehow. I’m failing to be as loving as those two are.

I should probably get ready for bed. I have to bake a veggieloaf tomorrow.

Author's Notes:

FINALLY!

So much has been happening, I've been missing writing. Hopefully the next chapter won't take this long.

Once again thanks to my lovely editing staff: aquapunkchick, Blackskulls, coandco, Jake the Army Guy, and Unimpressive Vagaries.

And a special thanks to coaldust, for providing the OC couple for this chapter.