Today started as well as it could have. I slept like a baby. Actually, I’ve been sleeping well since my date with Derpy. It’s nice, I’ve had a lot more energy lately. On top of that, each of my sessions has gone swimmingly: a perfect vanilla session with Ambrosia, a surprisingly rough afternoon with Bottlecap, a lovely romantic night with Rarity.

Actually, Rarity’s session was pretty fun. She spent a large portion of the evening trying to get the inside scoop on Derpy and me. She’d heard a dozen different things from a dozen different ponies and just had to know what was going on. I teased her all night long, and gave her nothing solid; it was very enjoyable.

So yes, the business side of my life is going well and the bits are coming in. As a matter of fact, I’ve been even busier than normal. My evening out with Derpy got ponies talking, it seems. When ponies talk, ponies walk. That’s really just a cute way of saying that some new gossipy mares have become clients. They’re mostly harmless.

Today, however, was Saturday, and my first free day all week. I didn’t have a client until Derpy tomorrow and I was looking forward to a day of relaxing indoors. The snow was deep, my fire was warm, and nothing in the world sounded better than a double helping of Waffle-Bitz. Cakes of maple wonder floated atop a sea of white gold. A bowl filled doubly high with sugar treasure sat before me. It was heaven… until half-way through when it got soggy. I always forget about the downside to a double helping: you have to eat it twice as fast. You can’t savor it nearly as much. Still, I downed the maple slurry of cereal mush.

Doesn’t matter; had breakfast.

So, stomach full, I set about to loaf about. My house was clean, my schedule was clear, and I was ready to laze around the house all day. I put my bowl in the sink and promptly parked myself in front of the fire.

‘Ah, this is perfect. A warm fire, a perfect afternoon, I can do anything I want.’

An empty moment passed, nothing but the crackle of the fire.

‘I want to go hiking.’

It was snowing out and my snowshoes still hadn’t come in.

‘I want to go see Derpy. I can do that now, right?’

Maybe I could’ve, if I had any idea of what her work schedule was like, or if I had made any plans.

‘I want to go hiking with Derpy.’

I wasn’t getting anywhere.

I rubbed my temples. I had my first free day all week and had absolutely nothing to do. ‘I could… reorganize my house.’ That didn’t exactly sound like the thing to do on a self-proclaimed day off. ‘I could… read my magazines.’ That sounded like a chore more than anything; I’d already read EO, and that’s the only one I really enjoy. ‘I could… go into town.’ Did I really want to risk ruining an otherwise perfect day?

I pondered that question for a moment. On one hoof, without anything to do, this day was going to one great big nothing. On the other hoof, I didn’t want to risk running into Applejack unless I absolutely had to. This was a toughie. There was snow on the ground, but the sun was shining. No market today, but that meant fewer ponies out and about. I had a pretty full wallet at the moment and the shops were open, but there wasn’t anything I actually needed. Applejack continued to exist…

‘… but, I might run into Derpy.’

I sighed. So, I was this guy now? The guy who was always thinking about the girl? I groaned aloud and, silently accepting my fate, got my coat.

It was a nice day out, for winter: coat-worthy, but not freezing. The streets were mostly empty, save the small fraction of the population as bored as I was. I decided my first stop would be Sugarcube Corner. It’s close and I was in the mood for a post-breakfast desert. Plus, Pinkie Pie is a friend. I was sure I’d enjoy her company for a bit.

Or at least I would have, if she’d been there.

“Well, hello there. Can I get you anything, Dearie?” She was big, whoever she was. Big, and loud, and frankly a little garish. She was bright blue, with an equally bright pink mane, and was pretty thick in the hips. ‘Oh, this must be the owner,’ I realized. “Oh, a new face! Well, welcome to Sugarcube Corner. Let me know if anything looks good.”

“Yeah, hi,” I responded absently. I wasn’t exactly in the mood for an introduction. I figured I’d just buy something and get out. ‘Ooh, those tarts look good.’

“So… are you new in town?” asked the large lady. She was just trying to be friendly, but I really didn’t want to do this.

However, etiquette lessons kicked in, and so, I acquiesced. “No, I’ve been here for two years now.”

Her eyes bulged slightly. “Oh, is that right? I’m sorry, we just… must not have crossed paths.” She seemed embarrassed. Maybe she realized who I was. “Well, I’m Cup Cake, my husband and I own this little place.”

And there she went making it clear that she’s married, as though I were trying to seduce her. Yup, she definitely realized who I was.

‘Relax, Guilty, she didn’t mean anything by it.’

Deep breath. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Cake,” I said with a forced smile. That’s a little trick. People tend find you less threatening if you call them Mister or Missus; it comes in handy on occasion. “Guilty Pleasure,” I said with a slight bow.

She looked mortified. “I beg your pardon.” It appeared she thought I was propositioning her.

Impish chuckle. “My name, it’s Guilty Pleasure.”

She blushed. “Oh, I… of course. It’s a pleasure to meet you Mister… Pleasure.” She laughed at her own faux pas. “Oh my, people must say that all the time.”

‘This is agony.’

“It does happen from time to time.” I decided to just pick something and cut this little encounter as short as possible. “Can I get a couple of those plum tarts?”

“Of course, Dearie. Though, you should try them in the summer when they’re in season.” She scooped the pastries into a paper bag. “This time of year we make just make them with canned plums. It’s really not the same, you know?”

“Sure thing. I’ll be sure to do that.” I moved to grab my wallet.

She lifted a hoof. “Ah-ah! On the house, I insist.”

Surprising. “Really?”

“Oh, it’s the least I can do after I didn’t so much as say hello for two years.”

I wasn’t going to argue any more. “Well, thank you very much. Again, it was nice to meet you.”

“You too. Have a good day, now!” she called as I took my leave.

Once outside, I ran a hoof down my face. Why must every interaction take an hour and a half? In Manehattan, I wouldn’t have been in that bakery for thirty seconds. In. Out. Done. I definitely miss that.

Hmm…

Maybe I should take a trip back, soon. I could afford a couple days at a hotel, and Crook would love to see me. Maybe I could take Derpy.

There I go again. I’m like a love-struck little colt.

A hopeless romantic, I suppose the expression is.

Anyways, I decided to walk and eat. I ambled down the streets, nibbling at one of the tarts. It was all right. As I walked, I began to realize I didn’t really know where I was going.

I took a moment and tried and decide on a destination for myself, when I sort of realized… why bother? I could just wander, couldn’t I? I didn’t think I had to worry about being mugged in Ponyville.

‘Alright, I’m going to do it. I’m just going to wander aimlessly for a while.’

And so, for the first time in the two years I’d lived there, I walked around and really got to know Ponyville. It really is true, that everypony knows everypony, and I suppose it’s even begun to apply to myself. It’s not just my clients, either. I’m beginning to recognize other ponies as well.

‘There’s that stallion that’s always with Shoeshine. Her boyfriend, I think. Hmm, I’ve seen this mare around. She has a kid, right? Oh hey, there’s the guy who pulls the rickshaw.’

I suppose it can’t be helped, Ponyville is rubbing off on me.

‘That’s the creepy plum stall guy, he weirds me out. Okay, I see her coming out of town hall, a lot. She must work there. Now, that’s… oh, it’s Lily and Carrot Top.’

Sure enough, Golden Harvest and her lovely girlfriend were making their way right towards me. As the two of them walked, I saw something I’d never seen before. Carrot Top was smiling. Now, this wasn’t the fake smile she put for Derpy and her friends. This was a real smile, full of life and mirth and real happiness.

When she saw me it cracked.

It didn’t vanish or fall; it just went straight from a real smile to a fake one.

At this point Lily hadn’t yet noticed her partner’s reaction or my presence. We shared a look in that moment, Carrot Top and I. And in that look there was a mutual understanding. We were both going to pretend we hadn’t seen each other, and pray that Lily didn’t see me.

Now, I found myself with a rather curious dilemma. I had to figure out how to be as inconspicuous as possible as I walked past Lily, while simultaneously doing as much as possible to make myself unrecognizable.

‘Okay, thirty seconds tops. What’s the plan? I could just go eyes forward, and make as few movements as possible. I don’t know, on the off chance she turns she would recognize me. I need an excuse to hide my face. I could rummage around in my saddlebags, but that might draw her eye too, and I may get recognized regardless. Is there a middle ground?’

I was running out of time. If I was going to do anything, I needed to do it quickly.

‘I’ll just glance away if she turns her head, that’ll be sure to—’

“Oh, hey! It’s Mr. Pleasure.”

‘Fuck my life.’

I mustered a grin and feigned surprise as I turned to the couple. Carrot Top tensed as I responded. “Hello, Lily. Hello, Ms. Harvest.” I gave a small nod. “How are you two doing today?” It was time for another mandatory exchange of pleasantries. I prepared myself for the inevitable inanity.

Lily was, of course, the one to respond. “Oh, we’re fine. Just out for a little walk, getting out of the house, you know.” She tried to share a fond look with her lover. Carrot Top just feigned one. “What about you?”

Friendly smile. “Oh, pretty much the same, just strolling. I grabbed a couple tarts from the bakery and felt liking walking them off.” Yes, the three of us are simply out for the sake of being out. Without this exchange we might never have known for what purpose we had left our respective domiciles. Thank the sun we took this time to check in on each other’s schedules and motives, or else we might have wondered about it for years to come.

Small towns… I’ll never truly get it.

“You know, you should really get the tarts in the summer; they’re just not the same around this time of year,” Lily assured me.

“So I’m told.” Smile. Nod. Angle shoulders to indicate a desire to keep walking. “Sorry to stop you up and all, I’ll let you two get back to your—”

“Nonsense, Guilty. I stopped you. Anyways, there was something I wanted to ask you.” Carrot Top’s ears perked up, and her face betrayed her concern. I could see the gears turning, she was expecting Lily’s question to be about her. She didn’t wait to see if her fears were correct.

She grabbed Lily’s shoulder. “Come on, Lily, we don’t need to bother—”

Lily glared. “I’m not bothering, him. It’s just a question.”

She turned back to me only to be tugged away by a firm hoof. “He seems busy. Come on, Lily.”

Lily brushed said hoof off. “What has gotten into you?” she asked in a tone that reminded me a little too much of my father.

Carrot Top’s pupils shrank, as she backed away. “I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—” Poor, poor mare. She’d let baser instincts get the better of her, and fear made her act irrationally. Poor, sad Carrot Top.

As much as I would’ve enjoyed watching Lily torment my least favorite client, I decided to clear the air. It seemed the like the least messy option, at the moment.

I harrumphed. “I’m sorry, I think I’ve set you two off again.”

Lily looked mortified. “Oh, oh nonono, Guilty. You didn’t… I’m…” She sighed. “I’ve made a scene again, haven’t I?”

I shook my head. “It’s fine.”

She didn’t seem so sure. She turned to her partner with a frown. “I’m sorry, dear.”

Carrot Top just seemed happy she wasn’t being chewed out. “I-it’s fine.”

‘Okay, let’s expedite this ordeal.’ “What was it you wanted to ask me?”

Lily’s ear twitched. “Oh, I was just wondering if you and Derpy are dating now.”

Carrot appeared shocked. “Why would he be? Why would you ask that?” was her automatic response.

Lily ignored Carrot Top’s rather rude outburst. “Well, Derpy brought him to girl’s night and Primrose said she saw the two of them on a date. Not that I’m one to gossip.” She turned back to me with an eager expression. “Well?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but it took me a few seconds to realize I didn’t actually have an answer. As I stood there, slack-jawed, I tried to figure out what, exactly, I should say. Or rather, what I could say.

‘Can I… talk about this? Is this fair game? I mean… she said we’d give it a shot, but does that mean we’re… dating? Are we still in some sort of pre-date limbo? If we are, am I even allowed to talk about it? I mean it wasn’t a session, but… does that mean that it’s not private?”

These questions were rather new to me. In the past, clients were clients, and that meant everything was a secret. It was an ironclad rule. Derpy was a client, but she was… more than a client. She was a friend, maybe even a girlfriend.

Girlfriend… it still seems so surreal to think that I might have a girlfriend.

Surely we weren’t that far along, though, right?

I realized Lily was still waiting for an answer. Feeling a tad on the spot, I threw some words together. “I’m… not… sure.” I wasn’t sure how she was going to take that.

She grinned, oddly enough. “Say no more, I know how complicated things can be. You have a good day, now.” And with that, she continued on her merry way.

Carrot Top, on the other hoof, was clearly nonplussed. She’d scarcely taken notice that Lily had left, and just stared at me, mouth agape. “What?” she breathed, shock quickly turning to anger. Her scowl could strip the bark from a tree.

I took Lily’s absence as an opportunity to be a bitch. I smirked. “I know, I can hardly believe it, myself.”

The mare was livid. “What in the name of Celestia are you—?”

“Ah ah ah, Carrot Top. Don’t want to keep your girlfriend waiting. She might come back and hear us.” I stuck my tongue out at her. “Better skedaddle.”

She took a quick look at Lily. Back to me. Back to Lily. Back to me. “This isn’t over,” she huffed before chasing after her escaping lover.

I couldn’t help but give a contented sigh. ‘Who doesn’t love fuckin’ with ponies?’ I’m sure there would be hell to pay at my next session with her, but that’s alright. That confrontation was inevitable, anyways. I’d rather it be on my home turf.

So, that was that. A “fine-little-how-do-you-do”, or so the expression goes. I guess they’re a real thing after all. A truly baffling practice, but not all that unpleasant, I suppose.

Still, I had another (apparently inferior) plum tart to eat and a whole day to kill. Lacking any real direction, I decided to take a seat on a bench. So, I sat, and ate, and pony-watched, which is a polite way of saying I eavesdropped on passers-by.

That turned out to be sort of a mistake; lots of ponies were talking about me. I’d almost forgotten the effect my presence has, even after all this time.

“Oh my, is that him?”

“Oh my gosh, don’t look now, but that’s…”

“Look, it’s that stallion, the one who lives on the edge of Everfree.”

“What is he doing? Is he meeting somepony?”

“I thought his business was supposed to stay outside the town.”

“Hey, did you hear Silverspeed got chewed out by Rainbow Dash?”

‘Hang on, that one’s not about me.’ My ears perked at the mention of Rainbow Dash’s name. My little rendezvous with her had left me pretty eager to see more of that mare, and information about a potential client is never unwanted. I turned my ears to the two mares gossiping across the street. Sisters, by the look of them. Nopony I knew.

“No. What happened?” said the one with the bow.

“She skipped out on snow duty. Whitetail Woods is totally bare,” replied the one with gelled spikes.

“Shut up! She just bailed on it?”

“I dunno, but RD gave her a tongue lashing.”

“Yeah, her and every stallion in town.” The two shared a laugh at Rainbow’s expense. “But no, for real, Whitetail Woods just looks so gross right now. It’s all brown and junk.”

“I hope we don’t end up having to cover it. I hate snow duty.”

“Ugh, I know. Oh hey, speaking of snow, we should get over to Snowdrift’s. He said he wanted us to…”

The mares began to walk away, but I’d already stopped paying attention. Devious wheels were turning in my head, and I began to form a wicked smile. Apparently, lazy pegasus meant no snow. And no snow meant hiking.

I crammed what remained of my tart into my mouth and began walking. I could hardly wait. I had only just discovered my newfound hobby before the winter snowed over all my fun. I desperately needed to get a hike out of my system. The skip in my step carried me straight to the trail in Whitetail Woods. I’d been through there once or twice. It’s a nice flat walk, barely a hike, really, but still appreciated.

However, the lovely reds and oranges of my autumn walks were replaced with a dry brown palette of dead grass and skeletal trees. No birds sung, and no critters ran along the forest floor, they were either gone or asleep. The sun shone freely through the empty branches, covering the ground in the gnarly shadows of the trees’ dead limbs. The ground was dusty, mottled in patches of dying vegetation and loose twigs. It was like an old apartment building, unattended and unloved.

Still, a hike was a hike. And, truthfully, there was something eerily enchanting about the silent forest. If it weren’t in the daytime, it might’ve been jeans-shittingly spooky, but in the light of day, it was just sort of… bizarre. Everything was either gone south for winter or hibernating, so the only sounds were the shuffling of my hooves and the occasional snap of a twig. It didn’t take me long before I began to float into the usual trance of the hike.

It was a perfect little release. My muscles had been itching for a good long walk. I couldn’t help but grin as I made my way further and further into the forest. Nopony around. No eyes. No whispers. Not even the pitter-pat of animal feet. It was just the getaway I needed. I allowed my mind to wander.

‘This is lovely. I wonder what Derpy’s up to. Probably working. She works so hard. Maybe I should help her out financially, things have been good to me lately. No, that’s not my place. She’s not a charity case or anything. I should set up another date with her. I’m going to see her tomorrow, after all. Maybe we could go for a hike. Oh, wait, by then they’ll probably have snowed this back over. It’s a shame really.’

I kicked an errant stone from the path into a tree. It collided with a satisfying clack.

‘I wonder how far this is going to go. I mean, I really like this mare, but… Where does she see us in a year? In ten years? At one point she said she was trying to find a daddy for Dinky. Is that… is that me?’

I suddenly felt very nervous. My slow walk turned into a nervous trot.

‘Oh, my gosh. Am I actually going to be a father to Dinky? I’m an awful role model, it would be horribly inappropriate for me to teach her anything I know. I mean, imagine me…’

“Okay Dinky, remember. You wanna griiiiind your hips…”

“Now, a proper Mojito consists of…”

“… and always, always, always, agree on a safe word.”

‘Guh, I don’t even want to think about that. I’m sure I have some other pearls of wisdom to impart to a small child. Let me see… Oh! I’m pretty good at managing finances, I haven’t gone broke yet. I could teach her how to… hike?!’

“Okay now, you want to put one foot in front of the other. Continue ad infinitum.”

‘Okay, so there’s not much to teach on that front. What am I going to teach Dinky, I have to teach her something!’

I stopped mid-stride to take a breath.

‘Wait, who said I was becoming Dinky’s father out of nowhere?’

I silently cursed my nervous nature. I’d gone and started trying to find the solution to a problem that didn’t yet exist. I was such a ball of stress I was actually inventing things to panic about.

‘Okay, so my own personal insanities aside, there still are a lot of details to actually iron out. Are we… dating? Are we doing that? It’s been one date, does that count? Definitely something to ask. Should I charge her for sessions? I’ll… have to think on that. I’ll ask how she feels about it. Okay, this is great. Making progress. Let’s keep it up.’

A fork in the path. I went left, deeper into the woods, where the trees are thick and sturdy.

‘What else? Okay, my relationship with Dinky. I’m not gonna freak out, but what actually am I to her? I’m dating her mother, obviously, but… what does that mean? I imagine it entails little to no responsibility, but I can’t be sure. How often do Derpy and I see each other? Do we do dates during the week, or do we just have the sessions. I mean… of course we do more than that, right? Our relationship is changing. Wait, do I even call it that? What is it if it’s not a relationship? Okay, that’s a minor detail. Don’t sweat it.’

A clearing, a little sunlight plain in the midst of the woods. Perfect for a picnic; I’ll have to remember it for summer. I began to walk around the edge.

‘Okay, so, what else do I need to figure out? Do I call her Honey, or some shit? Do we have pet names now? What…’

I sighed as I realized what the big question really was. ‘What changes and what stays the same?’ That was the crux of my every worry.

I had exhausted my brain. My legs were tired, and I was sick of thinking. ‘I’ll figure all this out later.’

I decided to take a seat under a decently comfortable-looking tree. ‘Ten minutes, then I walk back.’ I took deep, calming breaths. Despite my slightly neurotic nature, it’s hard to worry about things when you’re out in the great outdoors. I laid into the rough bark and let my worries drift way for the time being. It was my own little paradise. I was almost hot in my coat, despite the season. The lack of snow had really let this place warm up.

‘This is perfect. I needed to get away. Away from Carrot Top and Applejack and even Derpy.’

I leaned my head back. The bark felt good against my scalp.

‘I can just put everything out of my mind for a bit.’

I stared into the cold grey sky above. I realize that’s a tad cliché, but it was a rather nice view. Like the forest below, it was just so perfectly still. It was nice, just a lovely, unmoving moment in time that was all mine.

And that’s when something landed on my head.

“Gah!” I shrieked, as my sight was suddenly stripped from me, and a cold, almost damp feeling splashed across my snout. A heavy blanket of some sort draped over me. I floundered, honestly. I’d been in such an awkward position that I flopped onto my chest trying to stand. I threw up panicked hooves in an attempt to free myself from some perceived threat, flailing ineffectually on the forest floor. Eventually I managed to release myself from my torment, as one of my erratic swipes removed the offending object.

It flopped pitifully onto the ground. ‘What the fuck is it? It felt like a wet towel.’ I moved to inspect the face-attacker. It was rather large and flat and… had a tail? ‘Is that what I think it is?’ Then it moved. It gave a single lazy flap of its fin. It was a mantle ray, a smaller one, only about four feet across. ‘Fuck me, it’s one of those rays. What is it doing out here?’ Another pathetic flap. It tried and failed to get off the ground. ‘Oh shit, is it just a baby?’ The ones I’d seen before had been positively massive, this was big, but not big big. I glanced into branches above me, looking for a… nest, or something. ‘It’s all alone? Where are the rest of them? There were a ton of those things.’ Derpy and I—and Carrot Top, I guess—had seen a thousand of those rays at Ghastly Gorge.

‘Should I…’ I stared for a moment at the pitiable thing. It was clearly not well. By all rights it should’ve been flying around in the air. ‘… help it?’ Was I really going to do this? Helping a poor little critter seemed like the right thing to do, but… was I really going to? ‘Okay, Guilty, if you do this it’s probably going to be a whole thing. Are you ready for that?’

I bit my lip. ‘I probably hurt it when I smacked it off my face, too.’ I groaned. That meant I was responsible.

I ponied up. “All right, little dude. It’s your lucky day. I feel sufficiently obligated to rescue you...” I took another look at the blanket of a creature. “… as soon as I figure out how to move you.” It wasn’t exactly going to fit into my saddle bag. ‘Okay, then, do I just…’ I reached over to grab it.

The ray flailed to the touch. I recoiled instinctively as the poor creature tried to flee. “Shit! Don’t freak out!” It scraped itself against the rough forest floor as it clumsily slithered away. “Ah, geez! Hold *unf* still!” I tripped over myself as I gave chase. “Yer scrapin’ yerself up, buddy!”

I caught the fleeing creature, doing my very best to be gentle. “Just… hold fuckin’ still!” I threw it onto my back, like a poncho, it was all I could think to do. “Stay put you fuckin’—” It threw itself off of me, landing heavily back on the ground. “Fuck, buddy, I’m just tryin’ to help.” Something occurred to me. ‘Maybe it doesn’t need help. Maybe it’s doing just fine.’ I shook the thought from my head. ‘No, it’s flailing helplessly. It’s just scared. I need to calm it down.’ I took a cautious step towards it. It didn’t seem to be watching me, but it was hard to tell with those eyes. Like big black pearls. “Don’t worry, guy, I’m just gonna put you on my back and take you to a vet,” I said in as calm a tone as I could manage. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure the thing had ears.

I inched closer, eventually daring to try and put a gentle hoof on it. It flinched, but didn’t flee. “Okay, I’m gonna help you. I’m just gonna hoist you up over my back, now.” It struggled, of course. I wrestled to get the thing onto my back, but it wouldn’t stay put. It kept sliding off one way or another.

Eventually, I had an idea that worked. I took of my coat and placed him directly on my back. Then, I quickly put my coat back on. It took a few tries, but eventually, I had the guy tied down. Thankfully, he didn’t struggle, once I had him. ‘Maybe he’s like a bird, cover his head, and he thinks it’s nighttime.’ Everything finally seemed to be working, except for one thing. He was freezing! ‘Oh, gross, he’s all cold and slimy!’ Okay, maybe he wasn’t slimy, but he kind of felt like it. His skin was like velvet, soft and supple. The real issue was how fucking cold he was. It was like filling my coat with snow.

Still, now I had the poor guy secured. I hurriedly marched into town with a giant fish in my coat. I may have been shivering the whole time, but I was being a good pony. I was earning positive Karma, which I would almost certainly piss away on booze and cereal for dinner.

As I returned, I began to realize that I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know where to find a vet, or even a hospital.

Holy shit, I better figure out where a hospital is. That’s important info.

Anyways, I debated where exactly I would head. ‘To Derpy? She’d know where a vet is, right? Wait, she might not, she doesn’t have a pet or anything. Who has a pet?’ I pondered. ‘Twilight? Is Spike a pet? Wait, she said she was going to do some research on these things, right? Maybe she’d be the pony to go to, anyways.’ The town came into view. Twilight’s was close. ‘Okay, time to visit my favorite librarian.’

*Knock-knock*

Spike opened the door, again. His reptilian (are dragons reptiles?) eyes blinked at me. “Oh, hey again. Uh… you okay? You look like you’ve seen better days.”

“Hey, ki- Spike.” I struggled to catch my breath. “Twilight home?”

“Yeah, but she’s studying something upstairs. She didn’t want to be interrupted.” His eyes gave me a once-over. “Is it important?”

I tiredly nodded.

“Well, come in. I’ll get her down in a sec.” He seemed sympathetic, if nothing else. I’m getting a bit better at reading him, I think. I stepped inside, incredibly thankful for the existence of fire in the universe, as I gratefully eyed a fireplace across the room. The warmth in the air began to push the cold from the tips of my ears and hooves. The ray under my coat had kind of warmed up during the journey, but it still wasn’t exactly pleasant. The sooner I was free, the better.

I heard muffled footsteps and voices from upstairs. “Who is it, Spike?”

“I forget his name. It starts with a ‘G’ I think. He’s an earth pony.”

“Goldengrape?” guessed Twilight, as she came down the stairs.

“Guilty, actually,” I said coolly. I laid on a little charm. I just wanted to see her blush. “Sorry to show up like this.”

“M-mister Pleasure! Oh my goodness.” There it was. All the way up to the ears. Spike just looked confused at Twilight’s sudden lack of composure. “Y-y-you can come any time.” Mortified expression. “I mean… you can come over any time, not…” She bit her lip. I love how awkward she can be. “It’s a library!” she sputtered. “It’s open to the public, and—”

“Twilight, could you be flustered later? This is kind of urgent.”

She promptly silenced herself as I undid my coat.

Her eyes shot wide. “Oh my gosh! You’re bleeding!” she shouted.

I inspected myself, perplexed. Sure enough, blood was dripping out of my coat. Not mine, though. “Oh, hell.” I quickly threw the coat off, revealing the creature beneath.

Twilight’s eyes grew even wider. “Oh my gosh.”

“He was floundering around on the ground in Whitetail Woods, I think he’s sick.” I took another glance at it. There wasn’t a lot of blood trickling out from under the beast, but it sure was there. “I didn’t know he was bleeding.” I cursed myself for not noticing. I wouldn’t have wasted time teasing Twilight if I’d known.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Twilight was moving. “Spike! Go get Fluttershy!” He just stared at the tableau before him. If scales could pale, I imagine Spike’s would’ve. “Spike, now!”

He jumped at the shout, and quickly gathered himself. “I’m on it!” And with that, he grabbed himself a coat and rushed out the door, a determined look on his face.

Twilight’s horn began to glow, and suddenly shit was getting done. Somewhere a closet opened and a big tarp flew out, rolling itself out in front of the fireplace. A first aid kit soon followed, as well as several old-looking rags, which folded themselves across the tarp. The ray was lifted off my back in a tingly cloud of lavender energy and placed atop the makeshift doctor’s table.

All this happened in about five seconds, for the record.

I was impressed. “Wow, that was—”

“Quick,” she interrupted me. “There’s a shower through the kitchen. Go wash that blood off you.”

I checked my coat again, there were dozens of little red stains all along my back and barrel. “Oh, uh… right.” So, off I went, while Twilight tended to the Ray.

I took as hot of a shower as I could stand. I figured if there was even the slightest chance of him having some sort of infectious disease, I wanted to get as clean as possible. I scrubbed hard, and quick, along every inch of myself. It was strange, though, this wasn’t a shower shower. This was like… an emergency shower, a shower with real purpose. A fact made even more evident but the pinkish hue of the run-off. It sort of made me feel young again.

Covered in scrapes and dirt and tears, I would wash away whatever remained from my most recent beating. It seemed like the water was always a little pink back then.

I probably shouldn’t dwell on this.

When I returned to Twilight, she was busily casting some kind of spell on the creature. She didn’t seem to notice my return, as ribbons of light flowed from her horn into the ray. “What are you casting?” I asked.

Her eyes never left the creature. “A healing spell. His underside is covered in cuts and scrapes. I’m doing what I can to close the small ones.” Purple eyes darted over the ray, as tiny slits in the creature’s surfaces glowed with a white light, only to vanish.

“And the big ones?” I wasn’t actually sure I wanted to know.

“There’s one big one I think I’m going to gauze over,” she explained.

I stepped closer to her. She looked pretty intense. “Anything I can do to help?”

She swallowed. “There’s two books with information on Mantle Rays in the library. They’re in the biology section: Creatures and Features by Manic Monday, and The Complete Monster Manual by Natural Twenty. Get them for me.” Sweat was beginning to form on her brow.

I didn’t dawdle. Twilight had this authority about her that made me move quickly. The books were easy to find, if annoying to procure. Both of them were fat fucking tomes. When I returned, Twilight had finished channeling her sorcery and had applied a styptic along one fin. The manta still wasn’t really moving, but it wasn’t scraped up anymore. “Hey, he’s not bleeding,” I said gleefully. I was genuinely happy to see the thing getting better.

“Yeah, I closed all the little cuts; and the big one wasn’t too deep,” she explained. A glass of water floated to her lips and she took a sizable gulp. She was breathing heavily, and sweating more than before. Her brow was glistening. It was kind of sexy, honestly. “That spell’s not exactly easy, though.” She smiled at me with tired eyes. “Oh good, you got the books.”

“Oh, uh, yeah.” In my admiration of sexy-sweaty-Twilight, I’d actually forgotten about the giant books I was carrying. “Big enough for you?”

She giggled. “Yeah, they’re going to be really helpful once Fluttershy gets here.” Twilight took a seat next to the ray

“Fluttershy?”

Another gulp of water. “Oh, she’s a friend. She takes care of animals. She actually lives over by Everfree, like you.”

I knew the house she was talking about. It’s the only other house as far out of town as mine is. “Oh, okay.” I put down the books and sat beside her. The ray was beginning to show telltale signs of movement, a twitch of its long skinny tail, a shift of the fin. “It looks like whatever you did helped.”

She nodded exasperatedly. The spell had taken more out of her than she let on.

I suddenly felt guilty. I’d sort of barged into her home with a wounded critter, and expected her to help. “Sorry for all this, by the way.” I bit my lip a bit. “I didn’t mean to just drop this on you. I just… didn’t know where else to go.”

Twilight tucked her legs under herself. “You made the right call. The vets in town don’t know what to do with anything that isn’t a regular pet.” She stared into the crackling fire, and sighed heavily. “I had a hard time trying to get Spike treated a while ago.”

I scowled. “But still, I was just going ask you where a vet was or something. I didn’t mean for you to go to all this trouble.”

She shook her head. “It’s no trouble, I just—”

“Just exhausted yourself,” I insisted. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Who else would’ve helped this poor guy?” She laid a hoof on the ray’s velvety skin. “I was glad to help. Especially since I’ve been trying to find one of these things since you told me about them.”

I felt my brow wrinkle. “You never found any? There were more of those things than I could count over at Ghastly Gorge.”

She shook her head. “I went there the day after you told me about them, but they were gone.”

“Huh, weird,” I remarked.

“It gets weirder,” Twilight explained. “I got in contact with a research station on Smoky Mountain. I was trying to find out if they had any research material on Mantle Rays in particular, nothing special. But when they wrote back, they said the rays disappeared from the mountain months ago. Since their disappearance , they’ve been spotted all over western Equestria.” Twilight looked around. “I have a map, somewhere, of all the sightings. It’s like a… mass exodus of some kind.”

“I take it that’s not normal.”

“Not as far as anypony knows. It might be something that comes once a generation or it might be something else entirely.” Her gaze fell back to the creature in question. “This guy might give us a little bit of insight.”

“Trippy,” was all I could really say. I needed to change the subject; I wasn’t really interested in the migration patterns of lava fish. “So, we’re just uh… waiting on this Fluttershy girl?”

“Mmhmm,” Twilight hummed. “I patched him up, but you’re right, there’s definitely something wrong with him. Fluttershy’s great with animals; I want her opinion before I do anything else.”

Another awkward silence. Part of me considered leaving. Twilight seemed to have a handle on the situation. She had an expert coming over, there wasn’t really anything left for me to do. I… I kind of wanted to stick around, though. I wanted to make sure that the mantle ray was going to be okay.

That said, I needed some kind of conversation to keep myself from getting awkwarded to death. “So, uh… how have you been, Twilight?”

Instant sulk. She smiled through it, but her brow betrayed her. “I’ve been good, you?”

“Twilight,” I intoned. “It’s me. Guilty. You don’t have to lie.”

There was the frown. She sighed, and buried her face in her hooves. “How do you do that?”

“Years of practice.” Compassionate smile. “Things not going so well with your guy?”

“Not mine anymore,” she said fighting a tear.

“You break it off?” I asked.

She just shook her head solemnly.

Calculated sigh. Pat on the shoulder. “That sucks.”

She chuckled darkly. “Yeah, it does.” She glanced back over to me. “How about you? Pinkie Pie said that you were out on a date with my mail mare.”

‘Uh-oh… Twilight knows Derpy. I hadn’t anticipated that. What do I say?’ I took a moment to curse small towns before responding. “K-kinda.” My face felt hot, and it wasn’t from the fire. “Sh-she needed some practice dating, was all. She’s a… friend, and I wanted to help.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What’s got you all worked up then?” It was such an innocent question. She wasn’t trying to pry, she just… was.

‘Do I tell her? Is that okay to talk about? Is that just between me and Derpy?’ Twilight sensed my discomfort. I’m getting sloppy, I shouldn’t have had any tells. ‘Twilight and I seem to have developed an interesting relationship. We sort of seem to serve as confidants. Hmm… okay, let’s do this.’ “This is between us, right?”

“Oh, uh… of course.”

“I asked her… if she wanted to try again… for real… and she said yes.”

“Oh, my gosh! Congratualtions!”

“Yeah, no, it’s great. It’s just…”

“Scary?”

“Yes!” I shouted. I didn’t mean to shout, it was just… nice to have someone to talk to about this, someone who understood me, no less. “Sorry, I just—”

“Don’t worry, I understand.” Twilight chuckled. “And yeah, I had a few freak-outs early on.”

I nodded. “It just… feels like a lot of pressure.”

I felt a hoof on my shoulder. “It is, and it isn’t. Any pressure you’re feeling you’re manufacturing for yourself. It’s just anxiety getting to you.”

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t make it any less…”

“Suffocating?”

I shrugged. “It’s not that bad. It’s just…” I searched for a word. “… annoying. I’m not used to worrying about this… I have so many questions and no answers. I just…”

“Want to figure out exactly how it works? A relationship I mean.”

“…yeah…” It felt a little weird, getting advice from a girl so much younger than me. I must have five years on Twilight, at least. And yet, she has more experience than me in this area.

“Well… that part gets easier. You’ll fall into a rhythm.” She gave me a little shake. “Just think about it like this: whatever happens, it won’t kill you.”

I couldn’t help but smile. It was decent advice. “Thanks.”

“Well, what are friends for?” she asked innocently. ‘Friends, huh? When did I get so many of those?’

At this point the door burst open. “I brought Fluttershy!” Spike cried. A yellow mare stepped into Twilight’s home. I knew I had seen her before, but I couldn’t place her.

“Twilight, Spike said you had an injured manta ray?” she almost whispered. ‘Oh, now I recognize her. She was that mare with Rarity at the spa. Quiet as ever, it would seem.’

“Not exactly. It’s something a little more… exotic.” Twilight turned to me. “Do you mind giving Fluttershy and I some space? We’re gonna try to figure out what’s wrong with him.”

“Oh, uh… no problem.” ‘I guess I really don’t have much to contribute.’ “I think I’ll keep Spike company or something.”

My words were lost as Twilight and her friend went to work on the creature. ‘I’m not going to be much help anyways.’ Part of me considered going home again, but… I decided to stick it out. ‘Hell of a way to spend a day off, though.’ It really wasn’t how I had seen my evening turning out.

I flipped through some books and chatted with Spike. He talked about some comic books he’d been reading lately, but I wasn’t really paying attention. Nopony else really stopped by the library while it was being used as a makeshift veterinary clinic, which was good. It meant that no one got interrupted.

Eventually Twilight and Fluttershy had something of an answer. “We’re going to throw him into the fireplace,” Twilight explained calmly.

I blinked as I looked up from the cheesy horror novel I’d been forcing myself to read. “Fuckin’ seriously?”

Twilight’s glared at my use of fuck, and indicated Spike a short distance away. I guess the 16-year-old’s precious ears were too pure. I shouldn’t judge, I’m sure Spike is like a brother to her. Whatever the case, I was more concerned about throwing the beast into the fire.

“So, the fire’s going to make him… better?” I asked. That seemed to be what she was saying, but I wanted to be sure I wasn’t going crazy.

“I think I mentioned it once before. Mantle rays are magma divers. After a little research and… a little guess work, admittedly, we’ve come to the conclusion that he’s too cold. He’s got hypothermia.”

“So, we’re sure this is a good idea?”

Her ears went down. “Let’s say eighty percent sure.”

I stood up from the comfortable little corner I’d made for myself in the next room. “All right, I wanna be there for this.”

Twilight had pulled out some sort of little grill thing and placed it over the roaring flames. It looked like they had thrown a few logs onto the fire since I’d brought him in. We all watched as Twilight lifted up the monstrous thing and placed him onto the grill. I knew it was going to happen, but that didn’t stop the scene from being surreal as hell. He didn’t quite fit, actually. His back end drooped off the end of the grill thing, and Twilight had to force him in a little more. His face ended up scrunched against the back of the hearth. We all waited for something to happen. A minute passed. Then five. Then twenty. I was about to call it a day, I was tired, it was dark, and I wanted to get some rest before my appointment tomorrow.

And then it stirred. Fluttershy noticed it first, but it was beginning to wiggle the end of its fins. Its tail then began to twitch. A few moments later, the thing actually lifted itself off the grill, and floated out of the fireplace.

It was… serene. No one said a word as it soundlessly drifted upward toward the ceiling. It circled impossibly slowly through the air above our heads. When I’d seen them before they were all moving so quickly, but this one was so slow it seemed to defy all physics. It was like the air was water, and the ray was swimming along, ever-so gently.

Spike was the first to break our silence. “Woooooaaaaah…” A truer word was never spoken.

Several more minutes passed, as the four of us stared at its white underbelly. “What now?” I asked, remembering myself.

“Oh, um…” Fluttershy, forced herself to speak. “I-I’ll take him home. I’ll keep an eye on him and make sure that he makes a full recovery.”

“Oh, awesome,” I said with a foalish grin. This was turning out great. I’d rescued a thing! It may have just been some poor little creature I found by chance, but if it weren’t for me, it might’ve frozen to death. That felt…

… kind of awesome.

As I sat there, feeling good about myself, completely ignoring my surroundings, the ray saw fit to gracefully land on my back. I shrieked rather girlishly. I hadn’t been expecting it, but the ray was so warm this time. It wasn’t the cold, slimy thing it was on the trip over. It was a hot velvety sheet of warm goodness. It was almost weightless, too. It was kind of… I’m running out of words for weird.

Fluttershy giggled at my expense. “It looks like he likes you.”

I smiled a big shit-eating grin, the kind Crook would have. “Why shouldn’t he? I rescued his floaty butt.” I would’ve said “ass” if I didn’t think Twilight would glare at me again for it.

Fluttershy managed to coerce the ray off of me and tried to get it to follow her home. It didn’t seem too keen on the prospect of going outside into the snowy winter air, but eventually was made to go. It clung desperately to Fluttershy, though. The poor guy did not like the cold.

I took my leave, too. Actually, Fluttershy’s and my house were in the same direction, so when we headed out I got to know her a little.

“So… you take care of people’s pets?”

“Oh, um… yes…” She looked away, terribly nervous.

Dealing with shy people is really tricky. You can’t force a conversation, even though your instincts will tell you too. The real trick is to get them to start one.

“Hmph… it’s funny,” I said. This is a technique that’s served me well. If you say something to make the other pony curious, there’s a good chance they’ll have no choice but to ask about it. It’s not perfect, but it works a good amount of the time.

This time included. “Um… what’s funny?”

Friendly grin. “Nothing, just… it was sort of on a whim that I decided to take the ray to Twilight. It’s just funny that she knew the perfect pony for the job.”

She blushed. “Oh… I-I wouldn’t say I was perfect for the job. I’d never even seen a mantle ray before.”

“But you fixed what ailed him. He’s like a new ray.” Compliments are good, too. Sometimes a shy pony will try to play them down, but if you’re persistent, they’ll eventually accept it.

“Well, I was the one who figured out that he was too cold. But if Twilight wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have known he could be put in the fire like that.”

“Maybe. But, without you we wouldn’t have gotten even that far.”

“I guess so…” she whimpered. Poor girl, I was making her so uncomfortable. ‘Wait, is she friends with Applejack? Maybe she’s uncomfortable because she knows who I am.’ I snuck a glance at her. She was staring into the ground, avoiding eye-contact. ‘That might be it.’

“Um… d-do you remember when we met before?”

I raised an eyebrow. I was kind of surprised she remembered me. “Yeah. At the spa, right?” She was proving hard to read. Every signal she was sending was just “nervous.”

“Um… I didn’t know who you were, then. B-but… the spa twins told me about you.” Her blush was beginning to rival Twilight’s.

‘Iiiiinteresting. Where is this going?’ “You mean about my work?”

She nodded. “A-applejack told me about you, too. She talks about you. A-a lot, sometimes.”

Begrudging smile. “Does she, now?”

Another nod. “And I… wasn’t sure who to believe. B-but... after you saved this poor helpless critter… I think I can make my own decision.”

“I’ll… take that as a compliment.”

She swallowed. “I-it is… you’re a very kind pony.”

“Hey, thanks.” Now I was the one blushing. She was just so sincere about it, it was hard not to.

“S-so… um…” Her nerves skyrocketed. Her face was a tomato, her legs were shaking to the point where she almost stopped walking. I already knew what she was going to ask. “I-if… somepony wanted to… t-to… m-make an ap-p-p-p-p-pointment with you… h-how would they…” she trailed off, unable to fight her embarrassment any more.

“Well, most of the time they write a letter. Ask for a date and a time, and just show up.”

“B-but what if you already have an appointment?”

‘She’s thinking ahead.’ “I have a little ‘do not disturb’ sign. I don’t really have to use it very often, honestly. I usually only have three or four appointments a week.”

“Oh… okay...”

‘Why do you ask?’ I almost teased her. I thought better of it, though. It took a lot of courage for her to even ask me that, and I didn’t want to make her feel judged.

So, the two of us chatted a little more as we made our way outside town. She and the ray went her way, and I went mine. My house was freezing, when I got home, but hey… Winter.

I feel… really good about today. I… saved a life. That’s just kind of awesome. Fluttershy invited me to come over and check on the thing every now and then, which I may do. So yeah, even if today was… exhausting, I’m going to call it a plus.

Anyways, my house is nice and warm now, and I’m gonna head to bed.

Author's Notes:

Once again, thanks to my editing team, aquapunkchick, coandco, BlackSkulls, Jake the army guy, and newcomer Unimpressive Vagaries.

It's been a little while, but I finally pumped out a chapter. Guilty gets to be a good pony, and I get to write more Twilight (who is best pony). So I'm pleased with it.

So comment and fave and like and all that junk. I'll love you for it.