I was currently sitting in a coffee shop with my head down on the table and only one of my friends being here, That being Church, and me in a hell of a rut.

“Well...... That ended nicely.” I said sarcastically.

“... Sure did...” Church said leaning his head against the back of the booth.

“.... Can you tell me what happened? I was seeing red that entire time.” I finally said taking my head off the table and looking at Church.

“Seeing red? …. Oh yeah you popped a blood vessel.” Church said sarcasticly.

“That’s not what I meant. You know... I flipped my shit and that’s where I blanked out.” I said leaning back against the booth as well.

“And popped a blood vessel, got it.” Church said again. I just sighed and looked at the ceiling.

“Can you PLEASE... Just tell me what happened?” I asked.

“Okay.... If you so want to hear it, this is what happened.” Church started.

“Hey mister I never got your na-!....” Carla said as she walked back over.

“Fuck....” Slayer quietly swore. Church just put on a ‘You don’t say’ face before slowly backing away.

“Slayer? Its that you?” Carla said walking towards him. Slayer on the other hand looked as if he was about to go kill something.

“Wish I wasn’t... But yes. It is.” Slayer said putting on his ‘This is so awkward face.’. Church kept slowly backing away hoping that Carla would not notice him and scold him for well, lying straight up in her face.... He also had spun around and tried to tiptoe his way out of there.

“Wait you know this guy?” Carla said pointing to Church. Slayer just sighed and facepalmed. Church tensed up before slowly continuing.

“Well I should. He is one of my friends.” Slayer said without thinking. Church tensed up again, and muttered something before facepalming. “Aaaaaand... I just fucked him over now. Great.”

“Wait..... He does know you!” Carla said glaring at Church. “How come you didn’t tell me anything!?”

“Shit.” Was all that was heard from Church before he some what started dancing.

“Church.... What are you doing?” Slayer said sounding tired.

“Can’t you see the fuck’s I don’t give?” Church said dancing even more.

“Nope.” Slayer said before he turned and began to walk away.

“Where are you goin’ !?” Carla yelled at him. Slayer just held up his right hand with his middle finger at full attention.

“Away from you!” He said with the tiredness creeping back into his voice. Meanwhile Church was just standing there looking confused, before Carla faced him again. He just shrugged and asked.

“What are you looking at?”

“Why didn’t you tell me anything!?” Carla yelled angrily. Church just shrugged again and muttered.

“I dunno.” He muttered quietly, like a child.

“What do you mean ‘I dunno’!?” Carla yelled again. Church again just shrugged before looking around.

“Didn’t feel like telling you.” He said looking around. “I guess.” he added quickly and quietly.

“Oh that is just super!” Carla said sarcastically. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me he has a new girlfriend while you’re at it?!” Church just put on a stoic face and looked at her.

Carla just looked back for a few seconds before realizing something.

“He does doesn’t he.” She said a bit quietly.

“I never said that.” Church said looking at her. “I never did... I swear!”

“....” She just remained quiet before saying. “Who is she?”

“Who is who?” Church asked looking confused.

“Oh don’t play stupid.” She said glaring at Church whom just remained unfazed and confused at the sudden glare.

“Bu-” Church started before he got cut off. Slayer came back with a glare in his eyes as he looked to Carla.

“Okay that is fucking it.” He said getting in front of her. “Look Carla. I left you a long, long, LONG, fucking time ago and I always thought that I had done something bad. But when you started to get more obsessive, I realized that WHY I left you! YOU. ARE. A. CRAZY. BITCH.”

Slayer got out of her face and stepped back. “I Told you to move on the first time you came back and thought nothing of it. But when I started to go back out and date.... YOU had to come and fuck everything up! I tried to move on, but it’s like you wouldn’t fucking let me!!!”

Slayer’s expression had gone from a simple ‘I am only slightly pissed off’ to ‘TOTAL RAGE’. “I let that one go. I thought that it was just some petty excuse for revenge, but you had to just keep on doing it!!!” He walked over to her and continued to glare while holding up his hand with all five fingers held out. “Five different relationships, Carla. FIVE. YOU RUINED FIVE OF THEM JUST TO GET BACK AT ME.... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU CRAZY BITCH!?”

“AND YOU CALL ME PISSED OFF! CALM DOWN!” Church all of a sudden yelled with a face that screamed ‘NOPE!’

“I Will not calm down until I have said what I wanted to say for three years!” Slayer snapped at Church before turning back to Carla. “You are obsessive, annoying, aggravating, and worst of all... YOU WON’T FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE. SO GO THE FUCK BACK HOME TO EARTH. GO! I AM NOT GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU... EVER!”

Slayer finally finished his tirade and stepped back panting a bit while Carla just looked like she just got hit with a train full of feels. Carla then just turned around before walking away slowly then eventually just running away. Slayer though was still panting with that same, almost evil, glare in his eyes.

“That.... That was harsh....” Church muttered for himself. Unfortunately, their little group of friends had come out to see what all the yelling was about and were standing in the cold behind Church.

Church sighed and looked at Slayer. “Sorry to ask, but did you have to be so harsh?”

Slayer sighed and stopped glaring in Carla’s direction. “To be honest... No... I don’t think I did.”

Church at the moment was blissfully ignorant of his surroundings and didn’t notice that someone was standing next to him. “Well... All I have to say is …. What a twist!” Church said rubbing his forehead.

“Dude... What caused that?” Brony said from behind Church.

Church of course jumped and screamed like a little girl, in mid air he turned around to look at the others. You could hear his heart beating from a good 10 feet away. “DON’T DO THAT!”

“Sorry.” Brony said sheepishly. “But seriously what was that about?”

Church just looked at Brony before realizing he and the group were there. Church just put a hand on his chin before saying. “.... What a twist.”

Slayer just looked back and frowned at the fact that he probably just raged in front of his friends. And worst of all, in front Luna. Before anyone could say anything, said mare walked away before stuttering out.

“U-um.. W-we have to go.” and with that she teleported away.

“.... What a twist.” Church said after a few minutes of silence throwing his arms out.

Slayer just sighed and walked back to the cafe before walking in and going back to his booth. Brony and the others just looked to each other before hank said.

“Should we... Uh. Leave him be or something?”

Church looked at Slayer, then Hank.... Then brony.... Then Sita, whom just sat there wagging her tail in blissful ignorance and was looking as happy as ever. He kept his eyes on Sita for a few seconds before looking at Lyra, who looked confused as fuck.

“Yes.” Church said slowly nodding. “Let’s all leave him be and let him get sad.” Church said sarcastically.

“Your way with words still astounds me.” Lyra said rolling her eyes.

Church quietly added. “You know you love it.”

“Why don’t we have one of us go talk to him?” Lyra suggested.

“Don’t you dare suggest me.” Church said before everyone then looked at Church.

“No, I hate you all.” Church said looking at them before pointing at Lyra. “I hate you the most.”

“Love you too! Now get in there! We will go back to the hotel and wait for you there.” Lyra said as she walked towards the hotel with Brony and Hank following. Church just stared at Lyra’s fl-... I mean Lyra as she walked away before he ran after her with his arms stretched out in front of him.

When he got to her he quickly picked her up and brought her up to his face giving her a glare. Then Lyra said the one thing running through everyone’s mind.

“You mad bro?” With a smile too.

“Phone, wallet and my money.” Church replied holding the glare. Lyra rolled her eyes and levitated his stuff up.

“Fine... Here you go.” She said. Church quickly took em out of the air and placed them in their rightful pockets, before rushing off to deep snow with a devilish smile.

“Hey Lyra... Can you swim?” Church asked before she slowly nodded her head. “Good, because.... Let’s go swimming in deep snow!”

As Church said that he threw her out into the snow quite far too. As she landed, she didn’t come up for a few seconds before popping her head out.

“C-C-C-COLD!!” Lyra yelled out before frantically going back to the shallow snow. Church just laughed as he walked away, before adding. “Consider us even!”

He quickly made his way back to the cafe where Sita still was sitting, surprisingly enough. he glanced over his shoulder and saw that Hank and Brony was helping Lyra get dried up again.

“Wow...... That’s harsh.” I said looking at Church with disbelief. “I really said all that?”

“It was not!” Church said before adding “Wait what...?”

“All those things I said... Not the Lyra being tossed in the snow, I would have probably done the same.” I said shrugging.

“Haha! I thought it was the right course of action.” Church said sounding victorious... and a bit stupid.

I sighed before leaning back. “Maybe... That was a bit harsh. Great. Now I feel like a asshole.” I said.

Church just repeated his throwing out his arms a bit before saying.

“.... What a twist!” He said sarcasticly.

“Will you stop saying that!” I snapped at him playfully. Church faked a gasp before again saying the same thing, but in a lighter tone.

“.... What a twist!” He said laughing a bit too. I joined into the laughter as well before getting a single thought in my head.

“Wonder what Luna is doing...” I slumped and put a hand on my chin.

Luna had just arrived back and was seeking her sister so that she may have someone to talk to. Recent events had left her feeling unsure of somethings.

“Oooh. Tia, where are you!?” Luna said frustrated. She continued looking around the castle until she finally came upon the throne room. “Okay... Either she is here.... Or eating cake again.”

Luna opened the throne room doors to find Tia sitting on her throne. She was whistling a tune and repeating the same words over and over again.

“This is boring, this is boooring. This is extra booring.” She kept chanting, changing small things.

“Tia!” Luna said as she ran in.

“No?” She said looking at her with surprise. Luna tiltied her head and sat on her haunches.

“No?.... What?” Luna said scratching her head in confusion.

“What are you talking about? Stop talking about silly things, you are drunk Luna. Go to bed.” Tia said looking at her sister.

“But... What? Tia stop being silly! I need to talk to you!” Luna said worriedly. Celestia just sighed before saying.

“Ugh... Fine, what do you want to talk about?” She said in a gentle voice.

“Well... We were at the cafe in ponyville and we saw Slayer kinda... Well. He freaked out.” Luna said rubbing her right foreleg. Tia looked at Luna with a ‘Are you kidding me?’ face.

“Is this really all you want to talk about?” Tia said.

“Tia this is serious! We have never seen him that angry before!” Luna whined a bit.

“It’s not like I was doing anything productive anyhow.” Tia said before she got off the throne. “Alright tell me what’s brothering you.”

“Well we are worried about Slayer mostly... And Kinda scared.” Luna said as she shifted a bit.

“So it was not the sex?” Celestia said with a eyebrow raised.

“What!? No!!” Luna said blushing.

“You really sure it was not the sex?” She said with a both. eyebrow raised.

“No! Just Him freaking out! Why would it be the sex?” Luna said still blushing like crazy.

“Well... Um, he was a virgin....” Tia said looking at her sister. “Keyword... Was....”

Luna simply blinked before saying. “He was? SO that means... WHY DOES NO ONE EVER TELL US THESE THINGS!?”

“Wait were you not a virgin too?” Tia asked. Luna simply shifted from place to place where she was sitting.

“Well we were!” Luna said looking to Tia.

“Hot, passionate virgin sex? … And I missed it? Darn it.” Tia said. Luna jsut blushed again and groaned.

“I believe Church has awakened your perverted side again.” Luna said rubbing her head.

“No.” Tia said quickly.

“Yes.” Luna said smiling and poking her sister’s side with a hoof.

“No...” Tia said.

“Yeeees.” Luna said with a singsong voice and poking her sister once more.

“No... No way.” Tia said looking away with a small blush. “Maybe I should just kiss you and take you right here and now if I’m so perverted.”

“Oh here we go with the Molestia jokes.” Luna said rolling her eyes. “I thought those rumors died a hundred years ago.”

“They did.... Don’t you dare start them again.” Tia said looking at Luna.

“How did some of them go?” Luna said tapping a hoof against her chin. “Oh yes!”

“What?”

“Ssssshhheeee is climbing in your windows!” Luna began to sing. “Snatching your ponies up!”

Tia walked up and got right in the face of Luna and glared in her eyes. “So you started that?”

“Trying to molest them so you better hide your foals! Hide your wives! Hide your foals! HIde you wives! Cause she is snatching everypony up!” Luna continued smiling. “No. We just made that song that ponies started singing.”

“Really?” Tia said looking at Luna with a bit of disdain.

“Yup! We do know of the pony that did start those rumors though.” Luna said coyly before getting up. “We are going to go back to Ponyville and see if we can find Slayer. Wish to join us?”

“Uh.... Sure?” Tia asked in confusion.

“Well then put your disguise on and let us leave!” Luna said happily as she shrunk herself again and put on the hoodie Slayer had given her. “We are burning daylight!

“Ha ha. Very funny.” Tia said sarcastically.

“We thought so.” Luna said smirking. “I will tell the guards we are leaving then we shall leave?”

“Yes! … I mean yes do that.” Celestia said a bit too excited. Luna simply laughed and went to the guards before telling them they would be gone for a little while.

“Alright. Are you ready?” Luna asked Tia who had changed into a white pegasus with a Pink mane and a clouded sun cutie-mark. She nodded eagerly before they both teleported away.

“Eh... I don’t think I have anything to worry about.” I said leaning back. “Luna is pretty understanding.”

“Ya sure?” Church said looking at me before I felt something wet connect to my face.

“Son of a... Sita!” I said wiping my face off. Church just sat there with a huge trollface.

“I feel as if you are trying to destroy me with puppy love.” I said looking at Sita and gently scratching her head.

“Best tactic ever.” Church said before adding. “Don’t you agree?”

“Well... She does have a way of cheering everyone up huh?” I said grinning and petting Sita some more. That was when we both heard a faint ‘Crack’. “Wonder what that was.”

“It was your mental health escaping its bonds.” Church said before whistling a bit which caused Sita to shoot up and walk over to his side of the booth.

“The sad thing is I believe you.” I said rubbing my forehead with my hand. Then the doors opened and two familiar mares walked in. “Hey look who’s here!”

“Mmm, Bacon with extra butter sauce would be great right now... For some reason.” Church said randomly.

“Oh... Kay?” I said not sure how to respond. Then Luna and Tia walked over and took their seats next to us. Luna next to me and Tia next to Church. And that monster he calls Sita.

“Soo... Tia I thought you had work or something.” I said awkwardly.

“Well.... You see, I took care of that since a while back.” Tia explained. “And I thought you knew that my sister was a virgin.”

This caused Church to violently spit out the coffee combined with a energy drink that he was drinking and my jaw to drop. Even Sita stopped panting and looked at Tia with a ‘Da Fuq you talking about?’ face.

“What!?” I yelled out before getting many stares. I chuckled nervously before saying it again quietly. “What?”

“Why don’t you ask her.” Tia said pointing at Luna before guiding Church face towards hers and started eating away at it. She stopped quickly to say this. “By the way, keyword... Was.”
Before continuing.
My jaw had somehow dropped again before I used my hand to close it. I gently turned to Luna and said.

“Well then.... That is new.” Luna shifted a bit before saying.

“Yeah well... Why did you tell me you were a virgin!” She asked.

“I thought that was common knowledge by now!” I defended. “Besides it’s not that big of a deal anyway....”

I looked to Tia and Church for a moment before asking. “Since when did Tia become so perverted?”

Tia promptly pushed down Church before climbing on top of him. “Talk about libido. Have you not had sex in like thirty years or something?” I said. Luna slowly looked at me before leaning in and whispered.

“More like fifty.” Luna said with my eyes widening.

“Damn.” Was all I could reply. “Okay you two. Stop. We are in a public place.”

Tia head shot up before looking at me. “No.” She said in a childish voice before continuing.

“Yup... Church is definitely rubbing off on her.” I said leaning back. Then Luna looked at me weirdly.

“Why are you-.. OH GOD!” I said slamming my head against the table. “Oh god the images.”

I just sat there for a moment before sitting back up and looking back to Tia. “Okay enough Sunny. Let him breath.”

She looked up from Church again before looking at me and Luna. “Nooo! Churchy is mine.” She said hugging him tightly.

“Just ease up until we get back to the hotel.” I said leaning back. “At least let him drink his coffee. Which reminds me... Where did he get that?”

“Uh somewhere over there... By our waiter.” Church responded pointing at the end of the table, and sure enough there was a waiter standing there with a blush on her face.

“Oh... Um.. Could I get a coffee as well?” I say as she nods and quickly pours me a cup of coffee before hurriedly walking off. “.... Well then.”

“She was nice...” Church said before a small thunk was heard. “Ow! What the heck Sunshine?”

“Don’t compliment her, compliment me instead... Who is currently on top of you.” Tia said with the last part being very sultry.

“Ti-..... Suuuuunny.” I said in mock warning. “Stop.”

“No.” She repiled quickly and childishly.

“Sunny. I will take you off of him.” I said.

“No! Mine!” Sunny said hugging him tightly.

“Sunny you’re killing him with your love.” I said pointing to Church who looked slightly purple.

“Oops.....” She said before letting him go a bit.

“Maybe we should just go back to the hotel before anyone dies.” I said sitting up a bit. “Uh waiter? Check please.”

“Sooo... Church. Where are the others?” Luna asked looking around.

“On a lonely road.” Church randomly answered back.

“Oh.. Kay?” Luna said unsure.

“Then we have Hank who has his Power quest, for cheese.” He again randomly said.

“Sister I believe you have broken Church.” Luna said looking to Tia. Who awnsered back.

“Nonsense. Hes perfectly fine.” Tia said.

“Slayer has something to do with the gates of hell.” Church mumbled loud enough for Slayer to hear.

“Wait what about me and the gates of hell?” I said.

“Yeah... You broke him dear sister.” Luna said.

“Oh and uh.... Brony and Lyra is Bunk buddies... In the sexual waaay. They do the Rhythm of love in beed.” Church randomly spewed out.

“I thought that... Oh I don’t know anymore.” I said throwing my hands in the air.

“Yes yes... He is most certainly broke.” Luna stated.

“No he is not Sister! He’s perfectly fine.” Tia argued. “In fact he’s my treasure, no way he can be broke.”

“LUNA IS A PIRATE!” Church yelled out for some strange reason as he said that I had the strangest image in my head.

“Yeah Sunny, Church is definitely broken.” I agreed with Luna as I continued to think about the image that just popped into my head. “Also I have got to stop letting Church infest my mind with his humor.”

“Have you heard the tales of singing pipes?” Church randomly asked.

“Sunny your love has broke Church.” I said chuckling. Church closed his eyes for a minute before they shot open.

“What just happened?” Church asked us all.

“Sunny broke you with love.” Luna said smiling.

“Thats... Thats a new one.” Church said to himself. “By the way Slayer, we need to plan when we are going to Earth. But not here.”

“Why not here?” I asked finally sipping at my coffee.

“Who knows who might be listening!” Church said with a raised voice. There were some sky blue feathers that were slowly falling down from the air in the booth next to us. And a small dust cloud.

“See she is a bit to nosey sometimes.” Church said.

“Who..... Who was that?” I said looked at the booth.

“It was either Rainbow Dash, or a fan-mare I met one day ago.” Church said Sitting up straight and gently guiding tia of him.

“Speaking of fans..... I don’t think we will be needing that Bodyguard... Unless Carla tries something.” I said shuddering a bit. “Anywho..... Why would someone be spying on us? Or more specifically... You.”

“Let’s just say, you aren’t the only one with obsessive followers.” Church answered.

“Bit of a low blow there dude. But I see your point. A even better question is why?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” Church said as Sita jumped in his lap and licked his face, he just ignored it and kept looking at me.

“Just wondering why you are being followed.” I said shrugging.

“Some want my body.... Not kidding and other just want to get auto graphs... Some even want me to get together with them....”

“That doesn’t answer my questions of ‘Why?’ though.” I said.

Church coughed fake coughs and adding in between them “Famous DJ named Alpha?”

“.... Your subtly is soooooo amazing.” I said rolling my eyes. “So you’re a famous DJ named Alpha. Big whoop.” I said twirling one of my fingers in the air.

“SSH!” Church franticly tried to hush me up but alas, there were some hooves that were coming this way. “Oh great. Look what you have done!”

“You’d know what would happen if I said you were dating that piece of sunny side up?” I said nodding towards Tia.

“A whole lot of fucking shit.” Church said a bit scared.

“Precisely. So count your prayers. Besides. It’s a few fans. Just give them autographs and tell them to be quiet.” I said shrugging. “Worked when I was helping this other guy out.”

“Ugh I hate dealing with fans sometimes...” Church complained.

“Want me to do it?” I said leaning onto the table. “Dealt with plently of fans before. No, I was never famous if that is what you’re thinking.”

“How the heck could you have fans then?” Church asked as he looked around the booth corner and saw that the fans were getting closer.

“I was a bodyguard, rodey, and a manger for a little bit when I was looking for jobs.” I said smirking. “Also I have helped Luna out a bit every now and again.”

Church just nodded with a ‘Not bad’ bad. “Sure, knock yourself out, but I just wish to give them some autographs and probably some pictures.”

“Kay.. First thing is first. Gimme your sunglasses.” I said holding out my hand.

“What why?” Church said with despair on his face.

“I am not taking them. I just need them for this to work.” I said.

“Okay... be careful with them though they cost a lot.” Church said as he handed them over.

“Alright.” I took them before taking my glasses off and replacing them with the sunglasses. Then I popped the color of my jacket and pulled out my phone. “Okay Now Luna go sit on the other side of Church.”

“What?” Luna asked. I just sighed and gestured for her to do it. She just sighed before getting up and sitting next to Church.

“Okay. Now Church. Go along with this alright?” I said putting my phone to my ear.

“Oookay... What are you planing?” Church asked. I simply smirked as the mares entered view and oddly, one stallion.

“Okay okay I get it! You want him at the platinum cassino! Just give me the info over the computer ya big dunce. Yea yea...” I said into the phone as if I was talking to someone. I ‘Hung up’ and looked to Church. “Boy-Oh I tell ya, you get any bigger in this world you are gonna start having people and ponies begging at your doorstep for some action.”
Church looked at me for a few seconds before mouthing ‘you ass!’ to me. I just grinned and winked through his glasses. Then I turned to see the ponies.

“See what I mean?” I said in a ‘new yorker’ accent. “It’s already happenin’!”

I stood up and greet the ponies with a handshake. “Hey you two. I am Slaya Brohan and I am this certain DJ’s manager. How may I help ya?”

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!” One of the fan mares squealed.

“Oi! Now calm down little lady! What’s your name?” I said in my yorker accent.

“Leaf Darling!” She practically yelled, but managed to calm herself down abit. She was a earth pony with a green coat and a lighter shade of brown on her mane.

“That’s a pretty name. Hear that?” I said turning to Church. “This little lass’s name is Leaf Darling!” I turned back to the mare before continuing. “Now what is it that my client can help you with?”

“Could... Could... Could Alpha sign this for me?” She gushed barely making out the words right. She held out a picture of Church in a hoodie, that strangely resembled one of his friends trimmings and style, wearing a rather scary looking metal mask over his face. I gently grabbed it and looked at it for a moment.

“Well I don’t know.” I turned to Church with the picture in my hand. “Can he sign this?”

“Sure. Anything for a fan.” Church said as he took the picture. He looked at it for a while before remembering something. “Hey Leaf.”

Leaf Darling almost fainted hearing her name being uttered out by celebrity. “Yes?”

“Do you got a pen?” Church asked.

“Do you have pen?” I said with disbelief. “Since when does the mare killer not have pen?” I just fake a few grumbles before pulling a pen out of my pocket and handing to him. “Doesn’t have a pen. Pfft.”

“Well thank you Brohan.” Church said accepting the pen I was giving him for the moment, he signed the picture in the corner with quite big letters. To Leaf Darling, from The Alpha. He then handed the picture back to me. I then handed it to Leaf who took it with shaky hooves.

She merely whispered a “Thank you.” Before staring at the picture and trotting of somewhere. “When I said he was a mare killer I meant it.” I said more to myself than anyone else.

I looked at the mare that was approaching, she was swaying her flank a little more that you should. Causing even Church to look what was going on, her eyes were half lidded and trained on Church the whole time. As she got to the table I kept my eyes to hers as to not only not stare, but not incur Luna’s wrath.

“Now how may I help you?” I said to the mare in front of me.

“The name is Emerald Charmer, and I want Alpha... In my bed, Now.” Emerald said. I let out a small, low whistle before turning back to Church.

“Well... I am sorry missy. But I am afraid he has his hands full as of the moment. I would suggest tryin’ some other time.” I said stepping in front of her a bit. She quickly sidestepped and jumped up on the table and faced Church.

“Why don’t you and I hit the road and go home to me?” Emerald said with a sultry voice. I looked to Celestia and Luna, Luna of which was glaring at me and Tia who was glaring at Emerald, and then to the pony. I sighed and wrapped an arm around her middle and made she to grab her wings.

“Come on now. Can’t have you taking him away from his current suitors now can I?” I said pulled her off the table. “Now like I said. He has already got two mares on his arms. He don’t need a third around his waist.”

“But I want his Babies!” Emerald whined.

“Not genetically possible.” I said putting her on the ground. “Now go on. I don’t want to have to evict ya forcefully.”

“I feel strangely seduced by that.” Church muttered. The pony gave me one nasty glare and a seductive smile to Church before she trotted away. After that two ponies trotted up to me. One was a Deep sea blue pegasus, which happened to be a Stallion, whilst the other one was tan with a Red mane.

“Why hello there you two. How can I be of assistance?” I said smiling.

“Um... We would like it if Alpha could find it in his heart to sign these for us?” The stallion said.

“It isn’t a foal is it?” Church whispered to me. I looked and they had two pictures one with Alpha backstage with some other DJ’s and one where the couple in front of me were taken in a picture with him. I leaned back and shook my head.

“Just a picture of you with them that you probably didn’t have time to sign.” I said shrugging and taking the pictures before showing him.

“Oh hey! If it isn’t Storm Flicker and Peach Petal!” Church said in a more cheery voice.

“Oh my gosh he recognizes us.” The mare named Peach Petal said quietly.

“I’d gladly sign these for you.” Church said signing the pictures with To the best couple around. Signed by The Alpha for Peach Petal and Storm Flicker. He handed them back to me before I read them.

“Well ain’t that sweet!” I said smiling like an idiot. I handed them back to the ponies and quietly added. “Now can we keep how he is here under wraps? You know. Is on vacation and all that.”

“Ah yes...” Peach Petal said as she nodded with a huge smile.

“Then have a nice day then! Chao!” I said before Church said.

“Wait! Give them this too. It’s my phone number, I’d love to hang out sometime again.” Church said with a goofy smile on his face. I chuckled and took the napkin he had written on before handing it to the happy couple.

“I would wait till you’re out of the cafe before you open this.” I said smiling. “Cause I know you’re gonna like it.” The both looked weirdly at the folded up napkin. The just nodded then took it waving goodbye before trotting out. When they got out, I was pretty sure it took them a half minute before Peach screamed in positive delight.

“Well....” I looked around and saw no more fans. I sat down and took the glasses off and re-did my collar before sighing. “That.... Was exhausting.”

“Was going to invite you as a bouncer in the backstage area, but I guess a job that pays 100 bits per hour isn’t worth your time.” Church said waving dismissive hand.

“Oh so you already got a manager huh?” I said jokingly.

“Well....” Church said putting a hand to his chin. “Nope.” He said laughing a bit.

“How... How do you get famous without someone helping you out with shows and all that?” I asked as Luna got up and sat next to me.

“Got invited to a event called Monstercat Tour.” Church said. “Everything took off from there.”

“Ah....” I said rubbing my head. “Still though. Kinda impressive.”

Church just chuckled a bit before saying. “It was on a tour, I believe my second one here in Equestria, when I met a crazy fan mare like Emerald... They are somewhat funny to meet with a body guard, but she had me stuck in my own little lounge.”

“And she had her way with you and you just let her.” I finished.

“No... Well was contemplating on it as I had to dodge her for ten minutes straight.” Church said with a chuckle.

“Well.... I think I see what you’re getting at, but I have to tell ya I ain’t that good for a bouncer.” I said rubbing the back of my head. “In fact... Kinda how I lost my job.”

“Slept with the managers daughter?” Church joked.

“Close but no.” I said seriously.

“Huh... Then what happened?” Church asked with a tilted head.

“Eeeh... Odd story actually....” I said.

“Drink your coffee and talk in the meantime? Oh and lets soon get back to the hotel before another small group of even more crazy fans comes.” Church said.

“Yeah yeah.” I finished off my coffee and stood up with Luna. “Shall we?”

“Want to get arrested? We still haven’t paid the check.” Church said looking at me.

I just pulled out about twenty bits and put them on the table. “That should do it. Now. Shall we?”

“Wait time to be generous!” Church said as he pulled out eighty bits in tip and left a small card that said The Alpha was here.

“And you just keep on making trouble for yourself.” I said chuckling and walking with him out.

“They won’t know who!” Church said with another goofy smile. “Since I usually wear that mask.”

“You know... You’re just making trouble for me you know that right?” I said looking to him with a serious face..

Church just started to laugh maniacally before somewhat saying this evilly. “It was my plan all along!” And adding a evil mastermind laugh.

I simply smacked him lightly on the back of his head before chuckling. “If I am gonna protect ya from crazy mares then you have to not make them want to attack ya.” I said.

“Aww...” Church said pretending to be sad.

After much chatter, me finally telling the story of how I was fired from being a bouncer, and bumping into a few more fans, we finally arrived back at the hotel.

“So yeah I got fired because the person I was guarding got drunk and tried sleep with me.” I finished. Church did not attempt to hide it he just laughed like a madman at me.

“Best way to be fired.” Church said.

“Got even worse when the manager found me with her in that certain position.” I said chuckling. “I swear... I have never seen a pony THAT angry before!”

“I believe you, heh.” Church said looking at me as we stepped into the elevator. Of course this was after we had walked down the hall to the elevator. he pressed a button and the doors closed.

“Soo... Want to hear how I got fired from being a rodey?” I said smiling.

“Sure, but before that, want to hear about Peach and Storm?” Church said with a smile.

“Yeah. I was wondering about those two. They seemed to know you pretty well. As much as a fan could anyway.” I said.

“Yeah, Storm and Peach actually managed to not only sneak past security, but also into backstage. It sounds pretty stupid since backstage was pretty fucking smacked with security, It actually sounds like something I would do.” Church said as he laughed a bit before continuing. “I found them as I was grabbing my hoodie. They were hiding behind some stuff, but hell it was my first time so I let it slide. I’m glad I did, Those two reminded me of us... Somehow.”

“We do get into some pretty crazy shit sometimes huh?” I said looking back on all our crazy deeds.

“Hell yeah... I’m lucky that we met them today, I mean, they are a really nice couple and they are crazy like us... I hope they get engaged soon.” Church said.

“Hmmmm. Engaged you say?” I said putting a hand on my chin. “Who is thinking of asking who? do you know?”

“No... But when I first met them they had been dating for two years.” Church said.

“Hmmm very interesting.” I said as my ‘Thinking’ grin formed.

“What are you planing now?” Church said as the world.... or Elevator if you wish came to a stop.

“Ooooh, Nothing. Just that I need a shave.” I said feeling a 5 o’clock shadow. Church just laughed at me. Before stepping out and walking towards the rooms. He stopped and faced me. “Shave then come to room 100 I’ve got my Xbox Hooked up there. And I brought shit ton of games with me.”

“I... I want to say I am surprised, but I am not.” I said deadpanning. Luna on the other hand, which I am ashamed to say I had kinda forget about, squee’d and bolted past both of us into Church’s room. “Aaaaand that is why I love that girl.”

“Uh... what?” Church looked confused before starting to walk in. He stopped halfway and let celly through before walking towards me. “Lets go get you shaved and we need to plan Earth thingy alone.”

“Eh.... I don’t really want to shave. That was just my clever way of saying ‘Drop it’.” I said shrugging. “But yeah... Sure. Wait we aren’t staying here to play videogames?”

“But then everyone else can hear our plans and ask why we are visiting and such and if they can follow! I just want to be bros and go there as just us two!”

“Dude... You’re being paranoid.” I said plainly. “No one is going to watch you in your own room.”

“Ssh!” Church said as he turned around. He looked at the door for a few seconds before pushing me towards my room. “You can never be too sure.”

“Eh... Whatever. Look the more you back a big deal out of it the more suspicious you look. Trust me on this.” I said putting a hand on his shoulder. “If you just keep calm. We won’t attract attention.”

“Yeah yeah yeah whatever. Go go!” Church said opening the door and pushing me inside. He turned around before pulling out something, it looked like a detonator.

“Aaaand why do you have that?” I said sighing.

“Itching powder stuck to the roof. Oh and all my gaming stuff is here.” Church said pointing at the xbox hooked up to the T.V. “All the other’s are back up with different shells.” Church said as he pressed the button and a small ‘Boop’ sound was heard.

“Wait.... Why is it all in my room?” I said confused.

“So I could lure everyone else in to My, Celly’s and Brony’s room... Remember we are sharing, but everyone seems to gather in my room for some reason.”

“Ah.... That explains why there was a controller hidden under the pillow last night.” I said scratching my head.

“Yeah... Ran out of places to hide it.... And room service hooked it up whilst we were gone, but not the scratching powder. I did that.”

“I... Don’t even want to know. Okay let’s start playing so we can discuss this already.” I said sitting down and grabbing a remote.

Church threw himself over a couch and took up all the space. Precisely every freaking seating space were taken by him and his laziness. Until there was a frantic whining and scratching on the door.

“Shit.” I heard Church say muffled by a pillow. “Would you be so kind?”

“But what if... They got to Sita!?” I said in a mock panicky voice. Then I got up. “Yeah sure.”

“Thanks man, would hate if she had to sleep in the corridor cause I’m stupid enough not to let her in”

“Yeah yeah...” I said as I opened the door and let Sita in to attack Church. “Also I have been wondering something. Why are you goin’ to school if you’re a DJ?”

“Cause, better to know shit, than to be clueless.” Church said as Sita jumped up on the couch joining him in laziness.

“Eh... Makes sense. Now, done to the metaphorical business.” I said walking over and reclining in the recliner. “What are we doing about going to Earth?”

“I would rather just say we are going to visit some relative instead some sort of trip that you and I are taking, because then people want to join in too.” Church said.

“Soooo.... It’s like a expensive camping trip without all the camping.” I said plainly as the game on the Xbox started.

“Well if you say it like that, it just sounds bad.... Plus we have one unknown factor....”

“And that is.... What?” I asked.
Church coughed some before saying. “Both our families and Yoruic-” he coughed again. “And no more than that.”

“Well.... My family already saw me so they wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t there with them... So that just leaves Yoru and your family... Wait why are you coughin’?” I said looking to Church.

“Hair! Dog Hair everywhere!” He said coughing even more. “Help!” he said as Sita put a paw on his face and then kept snuggling into him.

“I would.... But Sita seems to be happy. So I will just let this one slide.” I said smiling.

“Nooo!” Church said being dramatic before sitting up bit and spitting out dog hair. “Oh well.... Why did I ask Yoru to keep us there a whole week?” Church asked himself.

“Because you tried to avoid the subject of you dating Celestia.” I said smirking.

Church just looked at me. “What?” he said with a stoic face before playing

“Oh don’t be so coy.” I said. “Besides... Who is this Yoru chick anyway? I know she is your Ex, but what is she like?”

“Very playful, when it comes to gaming utterly serious, Shes smart witty... Handsomely Intelligent.. Uh... Sexy... Cute eyes....” Church talked but before he could continue I cut him off.

“Oi... You do have a girlfriend. Don’t start infatuating with someone else.” I said leaning back. “Cause if you do it just makes my job harder.”

“What job?” He said looking at me with Mischief in his eyes.

“Yeah yeah... The job of keeping your ass from getting raped by over zealous, horny fans.” I said pointing a finger at him.

“Oh.... Fine be that way grumpy.” Church said going back to the game. “But seriously this is why I wanted to talk to you, I’m having second thoughts about me and Celestia’s relationship.”

“Really now.... That doesn’t sound too good.” I said looking to Church.

“Yeah... I’m not sure right now how I feel... I’m not really sure if I want to stay with her or break up...” Church said a bit quietly.

“Is it a relationship problem? I mean like fights or anything? Cause all I have seen is that pony give you more love than I care to mention.” I said.

“That’s uh... The problem... We rarely have fights... In fact, we never had a fight... All she keeps giving is love, and without the tiniest bit of hate or bad feelings inside there... It just feels all wrong.” Church said.

“And that is a reason to question the relationship why?” I said.

“What?” Church asked confused looking away from the T.V. quickly.

“Well I am just saying that it sounds kinda silly.” I stated looking to Church. “I mean say it out loud. ‘My relationship sucks cause we have no fights!’. Not that you said it like that, but you get my point.”

“It does sound kinda silly, but I feel all empty inside, like something is missing.”

“Is this the time I must quote someone?” I asked.

“I quote; A wise man once said. ‘No.’” Church said looking amused.

“Too bad.” I said clearing my throat. “ ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.’. Einstein... And Vaas form Far Cry 3.”

“Really? Einstein?” Church asked.

“Yes... Einstein. Now does that help at all or do I need to quote someone else?” I said smirking.

“I quote; I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.” Church said. “Guess who.”

“Someone I probably don’t know.” I said.

“Albert Einstein.” Church said.

“Hey I was right!” I said with a stupid grin on my face. Church just smiled and rolled his eyes.

“So how is this going to play out?” Church asked sniping me in the game as he distracted me.

“Well.... Many things can happen. The two most likely are either one: Tia goes into a depression and will take a hell of a lot of support to get her out.... Or two: She gets VERY angry and attempts to kill us both.” I said back stabbing Church in the game.

“Again, A quote; Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” Church said with a sheepish smile.

I just deadpanned at Church. “I don’t know if you’re trying to insult or compliment me. Or both.”

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” Church said shrugging, with a disturbing grin on his face.

“That was very odd.... But all I am saying I guess is if you do go ahead and break up with Tia, just be gentle about it. Unlike me.” I said frowning. Church dropped his smile and frowned too. Before there was banging on the door, with a very angry sounding Lyra on the other side.

“I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE! BOTH OF YOU!” Lyra yelled.

“WHAT DID I DO!?” I yelled.

“Oh yes... I might have set up that several things of yours fell out of the bags that, well got poofed opened... Making you look like a criminal too!” Church said with a huge smile.

“Auhg.... Next time a horny fan comes to your door step I am just letting them walk on in.” I said sighing.

“I’m just going to take a dive.” Church said walking over to one of the windows and opening it.

“Noooooo Church.” I said walking over and grabbing his collar.

“But! I have my Bathing clothes on!” Church said as he still had his jacket and such on.

“Nope.” I said dragging him back and closing the window.

“B-But!” Church said almost whining.

“Noooooo.” I said.

“But slaaaaaayer I want to dive! I waaaant to!” Church whined.

“Do you want ice cream?” I said randomly.

“Ye-” He began before the door was randomly unlocked. Both of us looked at the door and saw a infuriated Lyra standing there with a screw driver and a bobby pin in her magical grasp.

“Told you not to let her play Fallout.” I said looking to Church.

“Well.... Let go now?” Church said as he looked towards Lyra.

“How about we both jump out the window and run away as fast as we can?” I asked. Church then picked up a rock and threw it at the window before saying. “Better than actually jumping through the window.”

“Where did you get a rock?” I asked as I looked at the now broken window.

Church untangled himself and rushed towards the window before diving through it. Sita followed directly after. “You coming?!”

I looked at it for a moment before rushing and diving out and falling face first into the snow. Thanks to it being deep snow I didn’t break my neck. “Owww.....”

Church on the other hand literally swimming through the snow, I have no idea how. “Hah! That was awesome! Oh wait....” Church said as he looked to me, who was buried face first in the snow.

“Might want to move..... Lyra is jumping out too....” Church said as he stopped swimming and got up.

“Pain....” I said standing up and sighing. I walked over as I heard a ‘THUMP Oof’ behind me. THen I just straight up ran and grabbed Church before running like a madman away. “RUN AWAY!!!!”

“BWAHAHA!” Church laughed like a madman when we runned away, with a mint green infuriated pony after us.

“Wait what got her got her pissed off again?!” I yelled.

“Shit ton of itching powder, and a microwaved rubber duck!” Church yelled back.

“You devised a bomb using a superheated polycarbonate toy, itching powder and my suitcase!?” I yelled.

“Hell yes!” Church yelled with a devilish smile, he then looked over his shoulder and positively increased his speed by five hundred percent. “YOU AIN’T CATCHING ME!”

“Oh fuck this...” I said stopping and letting Lyra speed by me. Then I simply walked away. “That... Actually worked.” A few seconds later I felt something grab my arm and started to drag me in the opposite direction. “Oh bollocks.”

“Care to explain where Churchy is going?” Lyra asked with venom dripping of her words.

“If I knew I would probably be back at the hotel.” I said shrugging.

“I don’t believe you.” Lyra said glaring at me.

“Yeah I thought that would be the case soooooo....” I pulled out a feather out of my coat and began to mercilessly tickle Lyra.

“W-What! St-Stop that!” She managed to get out in between laughs.

“That depends... Can I leave?” I said stopping for a few seconds before beginning again.

“Y-Yes! Ju-... Just stop!” Lyra said laughing really hard.

“Okie dokie!” I said stopping and standing back up. “All I know is he ran that way.”

I pointed down the street and smiled. All of a sudden Church turned a corner and ran past me, making a “Wrooom!” sound.

“Never mind... He went that way.” I said pointing without even looking. And I pointed at the hotel. “Ah..... Welp. I am off to go tickle Luna because... I can.”

“Think of the context!” Lyra said from my side.

“I have... And you are a dirty, dirty mare for thinking like that.” I said giving her a mock scolding.

“Oh you love it.” She said as she bumped her flank into my leg before swaying her hips a bit in front of me with a seductive smile.

“Yes, but I have royal flank awaiting me upstairs at the hotel. I will not be swayed by you.” I said smiling.

“Ha!” Lyra laughed at me before walking normally and smiling at me. Before sprinting of towards the hotel. “Cya there slow poke!”

“You just hope I don’t catch you!” I said twirling the feather in my fingers and running towards the hotel. I entered the hotel and began to look around until I heard someone screaming upstairs. I sighed and walked over to the elavator. “I am starting to regret taking that bodyguard job.”

Author's Notes:

Chapter 20! Yay!!!!!
Hurray!