The sun was setting in the distance and I was covered in small welts and bruises from the AirSoft fight I participated in with my brother and friends. I sighed and looked around before taking my Paintball/AirSoft mask off and looking behind me to see everyone coming out of the ‘Ponyville AirSoft Arena’. I smiled and sat down in the snow before realizing that my ass was now wet.

“God damn it... Snow... It will always ruin the mood.” I muttered before getting up and swiping the snow from my backside. “Hey everyone! Is there anyplace I can... Aw shit! Forgot that I didn’t come here with a change of clothes....”

“Don’t worry, I got like four pair of random clothes, you can borrow some.” Church said as he was inspecting his AirSoft sniper rifle.

“Alright then... That leads to a new problem.... Where the hell is a hotel I can rent a room in?” I said stretching a bit and slightly wincing from the bruises, which I mostly got for trying to pull some videogame stunts.

“Well, there is like two spare beds at Spurkle’s house... Then just down the road there is a four star hotel, I’ve fixed us some rooms, but incase you want to sleep now you can just take one of the spare beds at Spurkle’s house.” Church said lifting his mask off his face.

“Huh..... Okay be honest how long have you been planning this?” I asked turning to him with a smile.

“Got the Idea when you said double date.” Church replied truthfully before looking over his shoulder and saw Celly, he flashed a grin before turning back to me.

“Huh... Least you stopped all that ‘One night stand’ crap. IT was driving me crazy.” I said turning back and beginning to walk again.

“Still had more sex than you.” Church said as he looked at me he then turned to brony “Hey, brony!” I just sighed and shook my head.

“Yeah?” Brony yelled back as he did a quick inventory check on his things.

“You probably have done a ‘One night stand’ right? Or gotten laid in simple terms.” Church yelled before grabbing my arm and dragging me over towards him and Hank. ‘I think that Church is attempting to destroy me with the idea of getting laid.’

“Well... Yeah.” Brony said looking up and taking his mask off. “Why?”

“Well you see... Slayer here.” He said gesturing me. “Is still a virgin, Oh and how about you Hank? Gotten laid yet?” he said looking at Hank who almost was armed to the teeth.

“Well... Maybe.” He said sounding more unsure than nervous. “I went to a frat party by accident and one thing lead to another....” He shrugged and took off his mask.

Church let go of my arm and walked closer towards Hank and Brony before whispering something in their ears.

“Okay commence running in.” I turned and almost took off. “3... 2... 1... RUN AWAY!” I yelled attempting to put distance between me and my plotting friends.

But my attempts were soon foiled by a monster by the name of Slobberpuss. “AW damn it! Foiled again!... You enjoy torturing me don’t you Sita?” I said turning my head to see the offending animal.

Her eyes had that devilish shine to them. I could see that the edges of her mouth were curved upwards and that she was wagging her tail happily.

“I love this dog.” Church said as he walked over and scratched Sita behind the ears.

“Your dog is going to shove me off a bridge one day.” I said putting my face into the snow. And immediately regretting the idea. “Ah! Cold!”

Church just laughed at me and Sita barked a happy bark at my misfortune, as I got up I saw that Brony and Hank were walking towards the hotel.

“Okay Church.... Story time. What are you two plotting? You’re not gonna end up taking me to a strip club are ya?” I said as I stood up.

Church threw up his arms in the air “Oh no, how did you figure my master plan out?” Church asked with a monotone voice

“Oh har har... What are you planning?” I asked as I started to follow Brony and Hank to the hotel.

“Nothing, you need to change by the way... Same for me, lets use the library for now.” Church said

“If I end up being chloroformed then I am blaming you and hunting you down.” I said playfully and nudging him.

“Ha, ha. Let’s go I’m both freezing and feeling sweaty right now.” Church said walking towards the library.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Luna and Tia?” I asked following him.

“Tia went with Luna to the hotel room’s let’s just change and borrow the shower over there.” Church said as he kept walking

“Um kay......... Wait Mrs. Sparkle is just letting you use the library?” I asked as he opened the door to the Library.

“Yeah how else do you think i spent my whole night yesterday? Oh and i was not building the platform... “ Church said looking at me.

“Ri~ght.... Hey does this town have a pizza place? I could go for some hotwings.” I said walking in with him.

“Yeah yeah I’ll show you around after a shower, I’ll go first” Church said as he Threw his bag of stuff down on a bed and picked out some extra clothes both for me and him. Before walking in to the shower.

“Uh huh.... Don’t use all the hot water!” I yelled before taking off my soaked coat and hanging it over the stair railing. “By the way... Does Mrs. Sparkle live with anyone?” I yelled again.

“Not that I know of.” Church yelled from the bathroom

“Alright then!” I yelled back and slumped against the railing. “God I am cold..... Hope I don’t get sick.”

With nothing else to do but wait, I walked around and looked at what Mrs. Sparkle had in her home, but dared not touch anything. With her OCD with everything, I would not like to get my ears boxed again. I saw a few pictures of her family and smiled at the happy pictures. But one photo caught my eye.

It was a picture of her and Shining Armor. Both of them were smiling and there were two other ponies in the background. I looked at it for a few minutes before resolving to ask Shining about it when I saw him again.

All of a sudden the bathroom door flung open to reveal Church standing there.... What? Naked? Are you crazy? He is fully dressed. Perverts.

He was scratching his head looking at me before asking. “Why are you looking at me with that funny look on your face?”

“Hmm? Oh nothing I was just looking at some happy pictures.” I said still smiling. Then I noticed something. “Since when did they make triangular front pockets on jeans?”

“Hmm?” Church hummed as he looked down at his jeans. “God damn it, I should not get dressed whilst texting.” Church said as he turned around and went back into the bathroom.

A few seconds later he came out with his pants the right way. He was engrossed with typing a text to someone. ‘Maybe I should snatch his phone away from him.’

“Hey Church...” I said walking over and towards the bathroom. “.. Guess what?”

“Hmm?” He hummed without looking up from the phone. “What?”

“YOINK!” I yelled as I grabbed his phone and bolted into the bathroom before locking it.

“The hell?!” Church yelled as he now began banging on the door. “What are you doing?! Give my phone back!”

“Okay! Just a moment!” I said turning his phone on again and looking at who the hell he was texting. “Okay Church.... Let’s see what your up to.”

I looked around on his phone seeing random apps, pictures, and other things, until I finally found the texts he had sent recently. As I was looking around his files, A text showed up from a person that I didn’t know. The phone said that it was from somewhere back on earth, which was surprising to say the least.

[Hey Church! ;) Wha’cha doing?] The phone said it was from someone named Yoruichi.

I blinked and briefly looked to the door, almost expecting Church to be there, and then back to the phone. I began to text back.

[Sup? Church ain’t here right now, but I would be glad to answer your questions on what he is currently doing.] I texted back simply.

[Oh? So who have his phone then? :o And uh, what is he doing?] Yoruichi texted back.

I turned and yelled through the door. “Hey Church what are you doing right now?”

“Oh nothing special! Just trying to find a crowbar so I can break open the door before taking your spine as a trophy.” He yelled back.

“Oh! That’s nice!” I yelled back as I began to text the person back.

[Hi! I am Slayer one of his many friends over here. He is currently trying to find a crowbar to break the door down and take my spine as a trophy. :)] I sent it with a smile growing on my face.

[Heh, that sounds like Church alright! So Slayer tell me, how did you manage to get a hold of his phone? No one in his old school, including me could lay a finger on it.] Yoruichi texted back

[BY BREAKING DOWN THE DOOR AND TAZ- Naw I just swiped it when he was so engrossed in a certain text. I was trying to figure out if he was plotting my downfall or not, then you showed up! :P] I texted.

[It was that easy to take his phone away? :o After 2 years of being his girlfriend, I actually never could get a hold of his phone. I congratulate you, Slayer.... For doing the impossible.] She texted back.

[Well thank you!........ Wait a minute... Your if old girlfriend? O.O OMFG WTF!?.... I am gonna die by Church aren’t I?] I texted back

[Well that depends, If you are quick enough you might be able to sneak out.] She texted back before I had the chance to text back myself I received another text message.

[Oh and uh, don’t scroll up the received text’s plz... :)?] the text said... inocently.

[Normally, I would just say yea and do it anyway.... But just tell me. Was it like dirty talk or something?] I texted back feeling a blush creeping onto my face.

[Well.... Maybe.... It was... Uh, um... A few pictures, not nude thank god for that. But yes very dirty.] She texted back, after a minute.

[Okay. I promise not to look. Okay don’t freak out but has he told you about his new GF?] I texted back curious.

[... What?] ‘Uh oh..... I just signed my own death warrant.’

[Um nothing. Nothing at all. Wrong person. Sry. ;)] I texted back quickly.

[You are joking right?] She texted back extremely quickly before adding [Right?]

I looked to the door and back to the phone. Then said. [Yeah.... Yeah I am. Sorry that was a mean joke. I am really sorry. :(]

The text line went dead for a few minutes afterwards. I sat there looking at the phone for a while before another text came.

[PFFT HAHAH! x’D I totally got you! I’m his Ex numb nuts. Have you not seen the description under my name?] She texted back.

I blinked and looked down before facepalming. “I am such a moron.”

[Oh thank god.... Give me a heart attack why don’t ya!..... So... Got any embarrassing stories about Church?] I texted back hopefully.

[Oh yeeeah! I hope you can hide well, because this is going to take long.]

[I am in a unicorn’s bathroom.... I have time.] I texted back knowing how much Mrs. Sparkle enjoyed her privacy.

‘Asswipe stole my phone. Asswipe stole my phone. Asswh-’ My train of thought got interupted by me feeling something sharp. I lifted my hand out of the box and saw that I had a small splinter stuck in my hand.

“The fuck?” I muttered looking down at the object... Which happened to be a iron pipe. I lifted my hands and hovered the over my head asking myself “how the fuck did this happen?”

Before continuing to look for something useful. After a few minutes I found bobby pin, although it was very far away from the tool box since I gave up looking for something there long time ago. As I continued looking, I heard someone laughing from the bathroom almost hysterically.

“Crush. Kill. Swag. Destroy.” I said before blinking twice. “Swag? What the fuck? I’m not secretly gay...”

I got up and walked over to the bathroom door and putting my ear against it. I could faintly hear more snickering then more laughter.

“HE DID WHAT!?” I heard Slayer yell before his laughter carried on more.

I looked around the room for anything... I mean anything to use against the door. “Son of a bitch...” I muttered before turning my ear back towards the door.

“WHAT THE FUCK!! THAT IS RIDICULOUS!” Slayer yelled again as his laughter died out for a second before picking back up.

I went down the basement and looked around, but only found random lab equipment. “Fucking egghead.” I muttered before spotting something on the wall. A fire axe. “Well hello...”

I walked over and picked it up before quickly running up the stairs and preparing to swing at the door but as I swung it back, the dust on the handle caused it to slip out of my grip and got stuck in the roof. “Fuck. My. Life.” I said with a small pout. I looked around for another object and had problems finding anything that could be used to open the door.

“Well... Fuck.” I said walking back to the kitchen where I spotted the bobby pin, as I entered the room I walked directly to my right and grabbed the pin on the counter. I then walked over and picked up a small flat screwdriver.

“I’m going to kill slayer.” I said before walking back to the bathroom door. Just as I walk up to the door I noticed the a phone on a shelf next to the door. “What the fuck?”

I picked up my phone after setting down the tools on the shelf I walked over to the couch and sat down. I unlocked my phone and saw that it still was in the messages section. I skimmed over the messages to see if there was any type of tampering. After finding none, I went back down to the bottom where a certain message poked out. Right below a message from Yoruichi... My ex.

It read out. [And now I know. :3] and it was sent.

‘Slayer. What the fuck have you done?’ I thought. The shower upstairs stopped and after a few minutes, Slayer stepped out and stretched.

“Well... I feel better!” He said with a smile. “Wet clothes are worst clothes.”

I quickly typed in a message in my phone.

[Yoru, what have Slayer told you?] I texted. After that I glared at Slayer. “What have you been doing?”

“Nothing! I took your phone and when you left, I put it outside. What you have been doing for the past 10 minutes?” He said walking over and sitting in a chair.

I felt my hands vibrate from the phone and looked down at the text.

[Oh hey Church ;) He told me nothing... Except how sexy you are <3] I sighed deeply before looking at Slayer. I rubbed my forehead in frustration.

“Alright, mind telling me what Yoruichi told you? Or more specifically what you told her.”

“Oh not much. I told her my name... Who I was. And she just told me you were her ex. That’s about it.” Slayer said smiling.

“You are holding back, I know it.” I said narrowing my eyes at him.

“Naw! I would never hold back! Unlike you when you and Yoru played Halo and got your arse kicked.” He said mumbling the last part with a snicker.

“I’m totally contemplating if I should punch you or not... Oh and please do refer Yoruichi by her full name... At least when she’s around, she hates being called pet names. Hence Yoru.”

“Yeah yeah... Hey I got a question for you.” He said leaning forward and folding his fingers like he was contemplating something. “How many headshot did Yoru get off on you before you got one kill off her?” He said grinning.

I flipped him off cursing under my breath, I then felt my hand vibrate again. I unlocked it and saw another message from Yoru.

[Hey! Stop ignoring me! :c … I miss you, ya’ know.] she had texted. I sighed deeply and started typing back to her.

[I miss you too, it is quite empty without you sometimes.] I texted back.

“Oh tell Yoru I said hi!” Slayer said looking around.

I sighed yet again before looking at him. “We should go back to Earth some time.” I said out of the blue.

Slayer looked off for a moment before sighing and nodding with a smile. “Would be nice to breath in that unclean air again.” He said snickering.

I could not help to snicker with him. “Earth is one funky place.” I said with a grin on my face.

“Oh hey I have been meaning to tell you this... You know that movie ‘The Thing’?” He said looking to me.

“The one with a clown thats named ‘Pennywise’?” I asked

“Maybe... I don’t remember the names. But they made a remake of that movie with a pony/human cast! Heard it’s still REALLY bloody.”

“That would be shit ton of fun to watch!” I said laughing.

“They also did a season of the Big Bang Theory with ponies introduced!” Slayer said almost bursting into laughter.

I put my phone in my pocket before it vibrated. I took it out again and unlocked it, and again it was from my Ex.

[I love you. <3] I sighed deeply before typing back a message.

[I love you too, you big cat. <3 Anyhow, me and Slayer are thinking of maybe going to Earth sometime. If we do can we borrow your guest room for some time? Slayer says hi btw.] I texted back before thinking ‘Free loading for the win.’

Slayer looked at me with a grin. “So.... You tell her about Celly yet?” He said.

I sighed like for the hundredth time and said “No... I’m not sure if I want too... I mean I told her that I have a new girlfriend, and she took it better than I expected... But she won’t really let me go.”

Then Slayer said something that was either really close to what we were talking about or just his craziness talking. “I wonder if ponies have herds.”

I looked at him with confusion written all over my face. “Wh- … W-.... Wha?” I said tilting my head before I received another text message.

[Sure! Then I’ll have you for myself again! ^^ <3] She texted back, I read it with the most serious face I could put on and showed the text to Slayer.

“Look, she still writes hearts.” I said hoping to snap him out of his crazy talk.

“Oh that’s nice! But honestly do you think they practice polygamy here?” Slayer said looking back at me.

“How the fuck should I know?” I said shrugging “I mean its not like I ask or anything....”

‘Wait a minute.... Does Polywhatever Slayer said count, for Me, Celly and Yoru.... Ahh... Fuck my life.’

Then Slayer said something quite.... Odd. “I wonder if Yoru would share with Tia.” He said looking off in the distance.

I lost all expression on my face and looked at him. Before losing a bit of my sanity and breaking down and laughing my ass off. “And they called me crazy.” He said before randomly joining the laughter. “What’s so funny!? Hehehe...”

As i continued laughing someone called. I kept laughing as I answered the phone. “Yeah?” I said in between laughs.

“We are done at the hotel.... Just bring Slayer when ready.” Brony said in the phone. I kept laughing but managed to get a “Okay we are on our way” out before I rolled off the couch in laughter.

“I don’t know why I am laughing!” Slayer said as he laughed more and looked to me on the floor.
“Hey... *Snicker* Who was that?”

“Yes... Just celly wondering where we are.” I said lying but laughter covered it up.

“Oh alright!” He said before calming down a bit. “I still want to know why we were laughing.”

“No idea!” I said laughing even more.

I finally calmed down from our random laugh attack and helped Church off the floor as we made our way to the door.’Heh heh. Rhymes.’

“Okay Church where to?” I asked as we walked out and closed up the library.

“This way!” Church said pointing in one direction. I nodded and walked with him towards... Wherever we were going. We continued to walk until we found ourselves at the hotel. Church wasn’t kidding when he said he got a four star hotel, because this place was nice.

“So this is the place you got.... So where to now?” I asked as we walked in.

“Yep.” Church said as he walked up to the receptionist desk and turned around, I then saw Brony and Hank sitt in some chair’s here in the lobby.

“Oh hey guys!” I said waving over at them. They soon walked over. Church nodded to them before motioning us to walk with him.

“I’ll take a guess and say the rooms are 100 and 101.” Church said with a small grin. which looked suspicious.

“I think... I might just go look for that pizza place now.” I said contemplating running away. But before i had the chance both brony and hank grabbed me by the arms and started to drag me towards the room. “Aw snickerdoodle...”

As we arrived at the door 101, Church opened the door and said “Welcome to getting laid class. I’m your teacher, Church and this is class 101: The friggin’ basics.”

“Aw fuck this.” I said trying to backpedal and run but failing miserably. The room in fact was filled with candles, a table which was nicely done for two people some champagne. A nice scent to it. You know all that stuff. Church leaned in and whispered. “The condoms are under the pillow.”

I gave him a “WHAT THE FUCK!?” Face before sighing and slumping. “There is absolutely no way to get out of this is there.” I more or less stated.

“Nope.” All three of them said in unison. “Alright first things first, we’ve set the mood. And the rest is up to you and your romancing skills.”

“And whom am I exactly ‘romancing’?” I said sounding more irritated than anything.

They pushed me inside and closed the door, a few minutes later after I had tried to get out. The door flung opened and Luna walked inside, before it gently closed. She came over and handed me a note.

“Tia said to give you this.” Luna said handing me the note with her magic. I raised a eyebrow before taking the note and opening it up. It read.

‘This is who you are romancing!

P.S; paid for dinner it arrives in two minutes, make some small talk and such.’

“Those sons, and daughter, of a bitch.” I said sighing and sitting on the bed.

“What?” Luna said looking at me with a tilted head. “What is it sweetheart?”

“Oh nothing. Just contemplating how to destroy Brony, hank, Church, and possibly prank your sister.” I said running a hand through my hair.

Luna sighed before moving a bit closer to me. “What did they do now?”

“Well.... For one they won’t leave me alone about something, and two your sister is part of it.” I said looking to her.

She moved a bit closer to me before wrapping her two front hooves around my neck she leaned in and whispered in my ear. “We love what you have done with the place.”

I blinked before remembering where I was. ‘Should I?..... Aw why the hell not?’ I thought and smiled. “W-well.... I did do it for you.” I said hugging her back.

She pulled her head back before saying “That’s so sweet of you.” And planting her lips on mine.

I was slightly surprised at first, but leaned into the kiss myself. Before anything else could happen, sadly, there was a knock on the door. I slightly groaned and pulled away. “Two seconds.” I said getting up and going to the door.

Luna simply nodded while I went to the door and opened it up. “Herro?” I said looking out the door.

There was a pony in a red jacket with something on his head. “Room service!” he said.

“Oh... Well thank you! Um... Come in!” I said as I opened the door a bit more for him. He pushed a cart in that was filled with loads of silver ware... which presumably had dinner in it. He stopped the cart next to the table before walking out again.”Um.. Thank you!” I yelled at him as he left.

Shrugging a bit at his reaction, I went over to the cart and opened up one of the covers of food. I was surprised to say the least when I saw a rather nice looking steak on the plate. ‘Must have been awkward to cook this if the cook is a pony.’ I thought. I opened the other cover and saw a very gussied up salad. By gussied up, I mean that it was dressed in EVERYTHING you would find in a salad. Croutons, carrots, onion or whatever... Point is it was a fancy salad.

I turned to Luna and smiled, half sheepishly, quarter nervous as hell, and the final bit trying to be smooth. “Um... Dinner is served?” I said more questioningly than anything.

She just looked at me with a smile before taking a seat. As I brought the food over, I noticed one thing was oddly different, other than the obvious. ‘Am I wearing a suit?’ I thought as I looked at myself as I set Luna’s food down. ‘Son of a bitch I am............... Just how far did he plan this?’

I saw that there was another note on the cart. Which I picked up with a eyebrow raised. The note read.

‘So yeah, you got to the whole night... Since I’m guessing 6 condoms should be enough till around 2 in the morning. Leaving you all tired n’ shit.

P.S Food costed a shit ton.... Did not expect that.
P.P.S. You are sharing room with Lyra and Hank, Brony is forever alone in Me and Cellys room.... He can have Sita.’

I shook my head at the note and placed it back down before grabbing my own food and going to the table. Luna was waiting politely for me to set down my food before starting to eat her own food. As I sat down she smiled at me with a heartwarming smile. I smiled back trying to mimic the action before beginning to eat my meal.

I cut the steak up a bit before taking a bite and damn near screaming with joy at how well it tasted. ‘HOLY FUCK.... I just took a bite out of the food god.’

By the looks of it Luna was having the same reaction, after a few minutes of eating this in comfortable silence, Luna decided to break it.

“Soo.... How’s life?” She said with a smile. I gave a small chuckle to the words she chose and sighed.

“Um... Better! I guess. Me and Church are thinking about going back to Earth sometime to fool around for a bit.” I said taking another bite of steak. ‘Still amazing.’

“Oh. That sounds nice, how long are you planning on staying?” Luna asked with curiosity in her voice.

“Oh a few days... Maybe a week at most.” I said shrugging. “How about you? What were you doing with Tia?”

“Just simply looking around. Not very much. Looked in a few stores here and there. She acted a bit weird at times and wouldn’t stop smiling. We feel as if she is plotting something.” Luna said tapping her chin with a hoof before continuing to eat.

“Ah...” ‘I think I know why.’ “.. Well it’s nice to know you two are still hanging out. Even with me and Church interfering all the time.” I said playfully.

She looked at me with half lidded eyes. “Oh, so is that what you want?” she said even more playful than me.

I swallow the bite I was eating a bit harder than I would have liked. “U-um.. Wh-what do you mean?” I said smiling.

“Oh... Don’t be so shy.” she said smiling before continuing to eat. After swallowing she motioned with her head towards the bedroom. “Something you do in there... Most of the time.”

“Sleeping?” I said smiling.

Luna sighed before looking at me. “Don’t play dumb. You know what we mean.”

I again swallowed hard and did the old ‘Pull the collar cause it’s hot in here’ move and sighing. “Uh... Yeah. I do.” ‘Now I know why people are always drinking wine when they are out.’

“Thinking back quickly... I remember the battle you and Church had over the top score in that airsoft game.” She said putting a hoof to her chin. “You were so hot when you were out there.”

I just blushed like crazy and cleared my throat. “U-um... Wh-what do you mean? I-I didn’t do much.”

“Oh I know what you did... When you flanked the corner behind me... Sneaking views of our plot.” She said in a sultry voice.

If I blushed anymore then I would be a volcano. “Y-you saw that huh?” I said a bit quietly.

“You’ve got to watch your six... Even if we let you do it.” She said winking at me.

“Still got pegged between the eyes by Hank....” I mumbled a bit.

She giggled before saying. “Not mentioning the times you got sniped by Church.”

“I made up for it though!” I defended. “I actually did something awesome, and did a vault over the cover and taking out Brony and Hank!.... Before getting riddled with BBs from my bro and Church.”

“Hehe, yeah... Did you see that CQB fight Church and Hank had?”

“Yeah... Didn’t know hank could lift some one two feet off the ground by their mask.” I said thinking back.

“Not to mention that, Church never got a hit landed on him. Until he got picked up.”

“Well it is kinda easy to dodge someone who is nearly covered head to toe in weapons.” I said eating a bit more. “Though I think Church shat himself when Hank did pick him up.” I said snickering.

Luna giggled. And looked at my plate. “Still not finished we see.” She said sticking her tongue out at me.

I just looked down and saw I was about ¾’s done with my food before I looked back to her to see her plate completely finished. “How did you...” I began. “How did you eat that fast?”

“It tasted good, what else can we say?” she said tillting her head a bit.

I shrugged and began to finish off my food. As I finished I put my silverware back onto the plate and sighed. “That... Was a damn fine meal.” I said leaning back a bit.

Luna just nodded with me before saying. “You know, we still think it was pretty unfair how Church knew how to sneak in from behind and get everyone single handily when we all played Search and Destroy.

“Campers be hatin’.” I said shrugging. “Also... Never.. EVER. Give me control over that BB turret... I had a bit too much fun with it.”

“What we hated the most was that sound that Church made ever so often.... What was it again?” Luna said holding a h

“Boom headshot?” I said thinking back.

“Yes... But did he not play up a song too at the end of a round?”

“Yes... Yes he did. I believe it was... ‘One click headshot’ by Feed Me.” I said remembering. “Better than that stupid dance I did at the end of the last round.”

Luna started laughing at it before quickly hushing up to a giggle. She then smiled sheepishly at me.

“No no. It’s alright. Go ahead.” I said gesturing for her to get it out of her system. She then collapsed with laughter and fell of her chair. In case you’re wondering...This is how I was dancing. Only imagine it me with a BB gun in my hands and a paintball mask on my face. With some kevlar too.

“Are you quite finished?” I said in a mock posh accent.

Luna again smiled at me with a sheepish smile before noticing the cake on the cart. “There is cake...” She said in disbelief “But tis a lie...”

“More of a lie than the fact that there is a toy portal gun on the side of it?” I said pointing to said object. “I fear that Tia is glados or that that cake is laced with something if Tia hasn’t taken some of it.”

I got up and walked over before noticing something. I just sighed and picked up the cake before showing her a rather large piece was missing with a note saying ‘Sorry!’. “I think your sister has a mild addiction.”

“Heh, that might be true.” Luna said looking at the cake, she almost started drooling.

“Um... Want some Cake for that drool?” I said teasingly and picking up the cake knife.

Instead of a proper answer, Luna stood up and walked over to me before using a hoof to steer my face towards hers and kissing me passionately. After she broke the kiss I dumbly smiled before saying.

“Uh... What was that for?” I said not really caring for the reason.

“Because we love you.” Luna said with a heartwarming smile.

“Good 'nuff for me.” I said still smiling like an idiot. I practically tore myself from Luna’s beauty, so that I would not cut off my finger while I was holding a sharp object. I carefully cut the cake and placed them perfectly on the plates before handing Luna one and picking up a fork for myself.

I took a bite of the cake..... I swear I had a mental orgasm. I would have probably moaned in delight if I was not completely stunned by the food. I noticed that the cake tasted somewhat off but thats probably because of the steak I recently had. After finishing up my cake, I saw that Luna was finished and was looking at me in a rather....

Lustful way.

“Um... Luna? You feeling alright?” I said feeling A LOT more nervous than I was before.

“We’re feeling more than alright.... We’re feeling... Loving.” She said with a sultry voice in the end. “We want to try the bedsprings now.... Come on.” She said as she moved closer to me.

“U-u-uh... O-okay.” I said smiling VERY nervously. She grabbed my hand with her magic and dragged me into the bedroom, as the door was flung open I was shoved inside and the door was slammed shut. Before I had any chance to voice my displeasure, I was thrown down on the bed and feeling someone climbing on top of me.

“Ready for some Fun?” She said in a very sultry voice. ‘Welp..... Now or never.’

I walked towards the room I had locked Slayer in and just let me say.... I had the biggest victory grin I had ever had in my life. As I neared the door, I felt that grin turn into a smile before I knocked on the door. There was a groan from the other side of the door before someone yelled.

“WHO IS IT!?” Sounding quite annoyed actually.

I laughed before saying “Why else but your friendly neighborhood troll Church-man?” with extra dramatic effect.

There was some shuffling before the door was opened revealing..... A fully dressed Slayer. In the suit I left him in.... All spruced up and everything. Just the way I left him last night. “You look nice.”

“Well yeah... Why wouldn't I?” He said looking over himself.

“Cause your face is damn ugly.” I said with a evil smile before laughing.

“And you lost a game of Halo 60 to 2 to a girl who never played before.” He retorted.

“Never played before? What the fuck are you talking about? She played for one of the top clans in the world.” I said looking at Slayer confused

“I was referring to her friend Veronica.” He said smiling. He gently smacked my nose with his finger and said. “Tsk tsk. Church. Baaaaad Church.”

“God damn it. Yoruichi.” I said rubbing my forehead In frustration. “I’ll have to talk to her later...”

“Yeah well don’t do it here. Luna is still sleeping.” He said walking out and closing the door. “Last night was great by the way. Thanks for askin’.”

“You forgot to fix your hair, so... I did not need to ask.” I said looking at his hair.

“Yeah... If you waited before you shoved me in the room, you would have seen my hat was still on my head. Plus it got messed up.” He said running a hand through it and fixing it.

“No shit shelock, you literally fucked a princess.”

“What are you talking about? Nothing happened.” He said with either a perfect poker face or he was serious.

I rolled my eyes. “Explain the moans then.”

“The food. It was freaking awesome! Thanks by the way.” He said smiling.

“Don’t mention it, So you are saying the name screaming and the heavy panting with the rocking of a bed. Was all because of food?” I said with a eyebrow raised.

“Oh no of course not!-” He began.

“Not to mention the fact that I actually managed to sneak in and do the dishes and take the cart back to the kitchen.” I said jerking a thumb at the door.

“That was Luna freaking out over a game!” He said cheerily. I sighed in annoyance before saying.

“You are one fucking odd job.” I said rubbing my eyes.

“You just noticing this?” He said still smiling. “By the way... What was in the cake? It tasted kinda funny.”

“Laced it with Pheromone enhancers. Basically, If you feel a certain way about a person, or pony in your case, it amplifies the effect.” I explained.

“And you did that..... Why?” He asked tilting his head.

“Because you would never take the leap.” I said looking amused.

“Still didn’t too. Got cold feet near the end.” He said looking away and rubbing the back of his head.

“Whatever, I’ll just be heading back to my bed then.” I said as i turned on my heels and Started to walk away.

“Oh I might want to do that if I were you.” He said walking up behind me. He leaned in and whispered. “I might have used it.”

Then with a massive grin on his face he walked down the hall and to the elevator. He gave me a two fingered salute before waking in and pressing a button.

“What?” I looked at him in confusion. I shrugged before walking over to my door and opening it out came Slobberpuss, my ever faithful companion. “Come on girl, let’s take a walk.”

I walked in and grabbed my phone which was on charge when I noticed the bed. I instantly got what Slayer was meaning and had unamused face.

“Well, He still don’t know about the time I used his bed back in the dorm.” I muttered before walking out with Sita. “Time to do random shit around here.” I said as I walked past the lobby through the main doors.

As I walked through, I was bumped into by some women hurriedly walking in.

“Shit sorry!” I said as I threw my hands up defensively.

“Oh it’s okay! I was in a rush. Just looking for someone.” She said righting herself. She was a smaller than me, about 5ft 9in if I had to guess, had brunette hair and was wearing a purple hoodie and blue jeans. She had a small black purse on her shoulder and seemed to look everywhere at once when she wasn’t talking. “Speaking of someone... Could you answer something for me?”

‘This chick rubs me the wrong way.... I’m going to see what I can do to stall her just for fun.’

“Maybe, depending on the question.” I said crossing my arms.

“I am looking for someone who attends the private school in Canterlot, but he wasn’t there so I am looking for someone who has possibly seen him.” She said brushing her hair out of her face.

“I might have, what’s it to you? And what’s is his name anyway?”

“Well... His name is Slayer Broman and I am his girl.” She said smiling.

My eyes widened at the statement. I mean what the fuck would you do if you don’t know that your best friend actually has a girlfriend then you go and hook him up with another girl which will cause a massive shitstorm to be summoned.... Anyhow this is what I did.

“No sorry ma’am I have not met him, nor ever spoken to him. But now if you excuse me I need to take my dog for a walk.” I said gesturing to Slobberpuss.

“Oh alright.... If you see him please tell him that I was looking for him!” She said almost pleadingly.

“Will do.” I said as I gave a friendly wave before walking out and turning to the right, after walking around the corner into an alley, I quickly whipped out a phone and texted Slayer.

[Dude, What the fuck?! I thought you didn’t have any girls before this!]

[What are you talking about? I had plently before I came here! They all just kinda... Had one small problem.] Slayer texted back.

[Say that to the girl who’s looking for you in the hotel lobby and she’s saying she is your girlfriend.]

Slayer didn’t respond for a moment until he message popped up. [WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SOONER!?]

[I JUST FUCKING FOUND OUT! Hang on. I’ll call you instead.] I texted and waited for a few seconds before pulling up the phone book and calling Slayer. He picked up and I said.

“Don’t fucking blame me! I just ran into her when I was taking out Sita!” I said into the phone.

“OH COME ON!... Son of a bitch EVERY FUCKING TIME.” He shout angrily.

“What? WHAT?!” I yelled back to him.

“What do you mean what?!” He yelled back.

“Christ where the fuck are you?” I said sounding annoyed.

“The cafe with breakfast where else! I need something stimulating to kick me into overdrive since I was up till 4 fu-” He said angrily before I cut him off.

“You could have ordered room service, Oh and I have used your dorm bed in more ways than you have.” I said before adding. “I’ll see you in a few you, asswipe.”

“I am going to hur-” He began before I hung up. ‘Fucking christ, this morning went to hell.’

I began my walk towards the cafe when I noticed that Sita had her ears folded back and was looking sad.

“Oh god no! I was not angry at you girl!” I said kneeling down before hugging her. “Is just that Slayer is a big dumbass sometimes so this tends to happen.”

I hugged her for another minute before releasing her and saying “I could never be angry with you. You are one of my best friends and will be forever. Got it?” She nodded before resuming her original happy panting. We closed in on the cafe when I saw someone familiar.

Slayer walked out with a coffee cup and one hell of a bad mood face. You know. The one were you look like you about to kill someone.

“You look like you’re in a great mood.” I said with a extremely sarcastic tone.

“Yeah fuck you too.” He said monotone before sipping at his drink.

“Who the fuck jabbed a twelve inch dildo up your ass?” I asked a bit annoyed.

“That bitch in the purple hoodie! THAT'S WHO!” He said angrily and partially crushing his cup.

“THEN DON’T FUCKING TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON ME JACKASS.” I shouted back, getting pissed off.

“I’m not! If I was, someone would be dead right now! And I would be missing my knife.” He said sighing. “Sorry, sorry... It’s just... That woman.” He ground his teeth and almost made a growling like noise.

“What’s with her?” I asked looking at him I then looked at Sita who was a bit scared.

“That.. Woman ruins everything for me. One of the reasons I moved here.” He said taking a drink from his cup. “She literally makes me so mad I don’t even notice when I hurt myself. Like How I just gulped down boiling hot coffee.”

“And you also didn’t noticed that my dog is scared out of her fuckin' life.” I said as I again kneeled down to her level before embracing her.

“Sorry... Here. This help?” He pulled out a small muffin and held it out for Sita. “It’s blueberry. Only kind they had.”

“Yeah should help...” I said grabbing the muffin and tearing of a bit before scooting back and giving her a bit. “She at least stopped shaking, but her mood is not improving...”

“Yeah... I have found dogs to be very empathetic.” He said sighing. “Dude I don’t mean to be this way. Carla... She just. Man she pushes all my wrong buttons.”

“It’s okay...” I sighed... Why can’t Slayer and I ever have a civil conversation?

“Why can’t we have a civil, normal conversation for once?” I asked no one in particular and got answered by a lick to the face.

“I think that sums it up pretty well.” Slayer said slightly smiling. “Okay tell you what. How about we go in there, get some breakfast, and I will explain everything.”

“That... That sound’s actually pretty good.” I said for once agreeing with Slayer on something in a long time. as we walked towards the cafe I got a text from who else but my Ex. God what is with this day? Its like its the day of the Ex’es.

[Morning Honey <3 How are you?] Yoruichi texted. “She always had a bad sense of timing” I muttered to myself.

“Come on answer while we walk.” Slayer said gesturing to the cafe. “And don’t worry. They allow dogs in to the place.”

“Good. Don’t want Sita to freeze her ass off whilst we sit inside. In the warmth.”

[I’m good... Just having a bad start of a day... How about you? <3] I texted back with a sigh. “So where are we sitting?”

Instead of answering. Slayer just smirked and said. “Anywhere I am not in a window or facing the door.”

I looked around before I found a corner booth “How about there?” I said pointing at the booth.

“Perfect.” He said almost sounding exhausted. FOR A DIFFERENT REASON... Jeez some people. We walked over and Slayer sat in the corner facing away from the door, and constantly looked around.

I sat On the side with Sita next to me I was holding the menu looking though what they had. “So when are you going to start explaining? Stop being so extremely paranoid.” I said groaning a bit.

Slayer just sighed and looked at me. “Well... While I was back on Earth, I wasn’t exactly what you would call a social person. So I kept to myself most of the time. One day while I was hanging out with my friends, this girl just came out of nowhere and asked me out. I, of course, said yes and things just climbed the ladder from there.”

I sat there with my mouth slightly agape. “Who in their right mind asks out someone you don’t know?” I asked before looking back at the menu.

“Well she knew me. I didn’t know her though.” He said leaning back. “Anyway things were going great until she started to get...... Clingy. She would constantly ask me to come with her to places that didn’t even make sense, she was always dropping by my house uninvited, and almost every time I went out with my friends she fell into a depression. I couldn’t fucking take it anymore! I went to her one day when she asked me to come over to her place and I dumped her there and then.”

“Better that than getting suffocated...” I said with a sigh before looking at Sita. “Why can’t girls be like Sita?” I said with a smile on my lips.

“Yeah... Loyal, adorable, and easy to please.” Slayer said smiling. “Anyway... She went fucking nuts. I mean REALLY freaked out. She threw at fucking a knife at my car window! Needless to say I went out and got a my a large knife before almost never walking alone. From then on, whenever I would get into a relationship, Carla would just somehow swoop in and mess everything up. She practically sabotaged my love life back on earth.”

“Well, then you had not met one guy called Lenoard. But likes to be called Church, He and his loyal dog shall keep her from fucking up your love life.”

“I don’t think you can! She did it while I was on a double date once... I tried to get a restraining order, but I was-” he began.

“Shh! I’ll fix this, with some mental pliers.” I said before taking out my phone and calling Matt. After a few short seconds he picked up sounding annoyed.

“Bloody hell who calls me at this time. Hello?”

“Yeah Matt it’s me, Church. I need a restraining order against a...” I put a hand over the microphone “What’s her name again?”

“Carla Whiten.” Slayer said raising an eyebrow.

“A Carla Whiten” I said before getting a response.

“JANET! …. JANET FOR FUCK SAKE! I KNOW YOU ARE AWAKE.” Matt yelled so Slayer could hear. I just shrugged with a smirk on my face. All of a sudden a girl with a british accent picked up “Yes? Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I need a restraining order against a Carla Whiten. And a bodyguard or bouncer, which ever works for the next two days.” I said before hearing someone frantically pressing keyboard buttons.

“There... Should be set all set up now, But why do you need a restraining order?” Janet asked. “Well It’s not for me but for a buddie. Here explain to her.” I said giving Slayer the phone.

“Um Hey... I am Slayer. The bitch is obsessive, crazy, and is destroying my love life. Please help me.” He said before handing the phone back.

“Good enough reason for me. Alright the Order has been sent, Its undergoing approval It should take less than twenty-four hours. And Bruce is on his way to... Where did you say you were again?” Janet said.

“I never did. I’m currently in a cafe in Ponyville... I’m staying at the hotel, room numbers 100, and 101.” I said with a serious tone

“Got it. I’ll hear from you later Church.” Janet said back a bit more cheery before hanging up.

I exhaled a breath that I’ve been holding in for some reason and said. “Does that help?”

“Well.... If it means getting Carla off my back for good then yes. Yes it does!” he said almost more full of life than he has ever been.

“Oh man, That got me extremely hungry... What are you getting?” I asked trying to get my mind off the subject

“Muffins... Lots and lots of muffins.” Slayer said leaning back and sighing with a massive smile on his face.

“I have no clue what to get.... Hey wait... Spaghetti and meat sauce? Sounds tasty...” I said before a happy bark agreed with me.

“Actually I tried that when I first walked in here.... Not that great.” Slayer said making a small look of disgust.

“Damn it... Anything else you could recommend? Otherwise I’m taking the meatloaf.

“The muffins. They are freaking amazing.” Slayer said smiling. “Don’t know why. They are honestly the best things I have ever tasted. Not even that cake stands up to these. Weird part is they are made by a pegasus.”

“Huh... I’ll take one then... What will you have Sita?” I asked before three barks came. “They have chicken?” I said scouring through the menu.

“You speak dog?” Slayer said with the same confusion as me.

“How else do you think I’ve been spying on you?” I said with small sarcasm.

“It also explains why Arrowhead and Sita ‘talk’ to each other.” Slayer said doing the finger quotations.

“Yeah... Speaking of which, I think Arrowhead is in your room. Oh and I’ll just take two chickens and one coke then.... With a muffin on the side with coffee I guess...” I said looking through the menu.

“Actually... I found him last night... He is next to your hand.” Slayer said pointing to the mint green snake coiled on the table.

I wanted to freak out there but I kept my calm, lifted my hand, and pushed him a bit away from my hand. Slayer gave a small whistle and he slither over before resting in front of Slayer, coiling up again.

I looked towards the door and saw that Brony and Hank were coming through. With Lyra and Luna. I took out my Phone and saw that It would take least Bruce about half an hour to get here.

“Son of a bitch.”

“Hmm?” Slayer hummed as he scratched Arrow’s head with his index finger.

“Carla fucked up your love lifes right?… Your current one is incoming and I hope that we can hide long enough for Bruce to get here.” I said.

“Actually.... I might have a small advantage here.” Slayer said picking up Arrowhead. “Carla.... Is absolutely terrified of snakes, one of the many reasons I love them, and won’t even come near me when there is one. Believe me, I know from experience. Although..... I have never tested that theory when I was on a date.”

“Let’s hope it works because if she comes in here, when Luna and the others sit here with us... I have a feeling a major shitstorm would happen.”

“To be honest... I am more worried of what Luna will do.” He said slightly shuddering at the thought.

“Well, I’m worried what I might do...” I said as I looked at Hank who pointed to us, before walking over with the group. I scooted closer to Slayer before whispering. “Let’s be on our best behavior no?”

“Whhhhy?” Slayer almost whined. ‘That’s a first. Usually I do that.’

I just burst out laughing. “Oh my god that was priceless. To actually have you whine! Something completely new!” I said through laughs.

“But Chuuuuuuuurch!” He whined again this time flailing his arms a bit. “I don’t wanna be on my best behavior! Tooo tired for it.”

I just kept laughing until I tipped over and kept laughing lying on the booth which belonged to the corner booth. “Sooo.” I laughed some more “Priceless!”

The group finally came over while I was spilling my guts out with laughter. Slayer scooted over so that Luna was next to him and Lyra sat next to her. Hank and brony just scooted in next to me and rest while Sita laid across my lap.

“What have you two been up too?” Luna said as she leaned on Slayer who just put an arm around her and gave her a sideways hug.

“Doing random shit.” I told her lying her straight up her up in the face... Which feels incredibly bad.

“Oh.... Well then. Anyway, what are you guys getting?” She said looking at the menu.

“Shall I tell them or you?” Slayer said.

“Chicken, two plates one for me one for Stia.” I said. “I really don’t want to explain since I’ve got some Text’s I need to answer.”

“MUFFINS!” Slayer said throwing his arms in the air and smiling widely.

I sighed before pulling out my phone and opening the latest text from Yoru. But before I had the chance to read it, Someone yanked away my phone. “Not this again.”

“Helloooooo. Whom is this?” Lyra said holding my phone in her hooves. “Oooh. A girl I see!”

“Lyra.... Please give me back my phone.” I said tiredly.

“Nah. I think I will... Woah. What is going on here?” Lyra said as she looked at the texts. “That.... That is a lot of blanked out words.”

“Yeah... Like I said... Please, give me it back.”

“Naw... I think I will keep reading.” Lyra said smirking. “Besides... Who is this girl anyway?”

“No one.” I lied again... Feeling like shit.

“Oh malarkey and pthbtthtbtbhtbb.” Slayer said blowing a raspberry.

“Just stop with the reading and give it back!” I said Standing up a bit. “I mean it!”

“And what if I did this?” Lyra’s horn light up and the phone went ‘Poof’. Literally. Poof.

My eye twitched involuntarily. I took deep breaths, before just slumping back down.

“Hey Church... Want to hear a secret?” Lyra said leaning over.

“What?” I hissed. ‘God a smoke would be perfect right now.’ Lyra just leaned over and whispered.

“Check... Your... Pocket.” She whispered before returning to her seat.

“Bitch.” I muttered under my breath before feeling my pockets. When I found what I was looking for I stood up and started to walk out.

“Hey! Where you goin’?” Slayer whined. Again.

I just whipped out my Lucky strike pack and held it in the air before I walked out of the door. When I got out I took out one cigarette before lighting it. I did a drag before saying.

“Shit this is... Well was really needed.” I muttered to myself before looking down at the ground kicking some loose snow. “Stupid school causing me to get a bad habit.”

“You’re preaching to the choir sister.” Slayer said suddenly next to me while I flinched slightly at his sudden appearance.

“The heck?” I said looking to my side. “What are you doing here?”

“What? Guy can’t enjoy the view of a town bustling with life with his best friend without a reason?” Slayer said looking to me with a smile.

“That sounded a tiny bit of gay, but sure. Whatever works for you.” I said looking at him before taking another drag of the cigarette. “Can’t believe I got such a bad headache that i had to resort to this.”

“Better than what I do.” Slayer said shrugging. “I bang my head against something until it goes away or I pass out.”

“Well. That does not sound smart... Nor does smoking.” I said painfully as took another drag before blowing it out.

“I was kidding. Knew a guy who huffed Expo markers whenever he was around people though... He is currently without a right lung.” Slayer said frowning.

I sighed before taking another drag. I noticed that the sun along with the sky looked pinkish “Will you look at that... it’s like it’s dawn all over again.”

“Hey speaking of dawn... Where is that big ol’ cake hungry ray of sunshine?” Slayer said looking around.

“She had political business... Sad to say its better if she puts the country first instead of me.” I said a bit saddened

“Hey she ain’t doing it because she wants too.” Slayer nudged me. “It’s because if she doesn't do it then I won’t get any time with Luna.” He said snickering.

I could not help but to just snicker with him. But as we kept snickering it grew into a small laugh from there it became a normal one until it escalated to a maniacal laughter.

“Is it just me... Or can I hit your funny bone pretty damn good.” Slayer asked.

“It’s just a shitty day, which is going painfully slow. And I rather laugh it away than sulk around.” I said with a rather half sad mood.

“Well... That is always a good way to look at things. Anyway.. Lyra wanted me to tell you to check your left pocket.” Slayer said. “She said she put your phone there.”

I one last drag of the cigarette and throwing it away, before picking up my phone. From my left pocket. “What had she done with it?” I asked.

“One of her many prank spells. Another makes you swap mane/hair with someone.” He said snickering. “I wonder what Luna would look like with black hair?” He looked off for a moment in thought.

I looked to my right and saw something I did not want to see “Aww son of a...” I muttered under my breath. “Slayer you might want to get back inside.”

“She.... Is right over there isn’t she?” He said nodding his head to the right.

“Yeeaah....” I said painfully.

“Do I have at least five minutes?” He said stiffly.

“Three minutes tops if she don’t walk around asking ponies and people.” I said looking at him.

“Welp... “He took off his jacket and handed it to me. “.. Nice day for a run.”

That is when he moved quicker than I have ever seen. Like someone oiled the floor and put soap on his feet. He was gone around the corner as soon as Carla got over to me.

“Oh. Hello again! Any word of that person I am looking for?” She asked hopefully.

“Sad to say no, but If I see him I’ll tell you.” I said giving her false hope.

“Oh... Did her perchance go into the coffee shop?” She said looking behind me.

“I have no clue.” I said innocently. Looking away for a bit.

“Oh... Okay. Well if you see him you know who to call!” She said before walking off in the direction Slayer went. As soon as she was out of sight Slayer run up next to me slightly panting.

“Sup?” He said a bit winded.

“Not much just do-”

“Hey mister I never got your na-”

‘Well... Fuck.’

Author's Notes:

Yeah..... I'll give you a hint as to the next chapter.

"ENEMY SHIT STORM INBOUND! TAKE COVER!"

Yeah........ Anyway. On a light note, I got Far Cry 3! Great game. Killed over 100 people in the 20 minutes I played. yay!
Oh well.... Goodnight, morning, afternoon, or midnight!

CCCCCCCCYA!