Deadpool vs. Equestria

Issue #10

The Joys of Dating

Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...

Deadpool met Weasel, the friend who built the portal that sent Deadpool into the world of Equestria. After having been deemed dangerous by Princess Celestia, he now spends his days in Ponyville learning how to behave. After paying Twilight Sparkle a visit, Pinkie Pie asks him out on a date when he fails to ask her out. And now, he gets ready...

{I'd just like to get this joke out of the way, so we'll not have to deal with it for the rest of the chapter, it really is god-awful.}

[AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE! DISLIKE!]

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"Why are dates always so hard to get ready for!?" Deadpool asked himself.

{Either pressure, or more pressure because you're both horses.}

"It's still hard."

{Just get your fricking flank organized for the party, you have to look presentable!}

"WOW. What's making you go hulk-mode on me?"

{I don't wanna talk about it.}

[Hay.]

{What.}

[Anyone read 6 yet?]

{You bastard.}

[Dude, I'm mad about it too.]

"I told you, you should have become George Lopez." Deadpool told White Box.

{And you were well informed there was no point trying.}

"So wait... if you two are broken up with her... does that mean she's my girlfriend?" He asks, a bit confused.

{No, because whenever you're there in person, she's a voice in your head, and you can't romance a non-physical entity unless you are also a similar entity, and whenever she's there in person, you're a freaking head voice too!}

[You know, it's probable that she's your girlfriend in this fic.]

"I'm still uncomfortable."

{Get used to it. You might be here for a long time.}

"All done."

{You're a horse.}

"Oh, right..."

I don't know a picture of you as a horse doing that pose, sorry.

"Buck. Well, we better go meet her at Town Hall now."

Okaybye.

-----

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um14E3t5WO0

Deadpool trotted out of Sugarcube Corner. Lyra and Bon-Bon looked at him as he left.

"Hm. Looks like John Tracolta." Bon-Bon commented.

"Or John Travolta, where he comes from..." Lyra added.

Deadpool began his walk to the Town Hall.

{What if your hormones change so you start liking the horses here...it'll be easier for ya.}

[Yeah, but then he might still have that preference when he gets back.]

{Only if they're colourful.}

"Agh, stop being creepy..." Deadpool said.

{NEVAH!}

[Aaaand we're here.]

Deadpool arrived at Town Hall, and examined it for a moment, before looking around the place.

"Hm. No sign of Pinkie..."

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie.

"Hi!" She exclaimed.

{I speculated this might happen.}

"AGHHHHi, Pinkie..." Deadpool said, dragging the last part of Pinkie's name as he looked her over.

Although a Ponyvillian would probably expect her most formal dress to be one decorated with various comfort food related decorations, right now, she was wearing a blue dress, a simple blue dress. Deadpool narrowed one of his eyes. Something about this made him feel kinda weirdly happy.

{Yep. Your hormones are shifted to horsies now.}

[This would never have happened if you traveled to other dimensions with her.]

{He kinda did. In another fic.}

[We discuss other fiction versions of us LATAH.]

"Err... you look nice tonight, Pinkie?" Deadpool said, mostly unfamiliar with normal dates.

"You don't look too bad yourself, Wadey!" She replied.

Heh-heh... I was complimented. I wish I had a drill to go underground.

[You'll get used to it.]

"Anyway, I found a good restaurant we can go to!" She continued, then dragging him by the hoof, "Come on!"

"...Coming, milady?"

-----

Deadpool and Pinkie were sitting in a restaurant, at tables Pinkie had reserved. Deadpool nervously looked around. There was a stallion who brought his chicken with him. He can't remember if he's afraid of chickens or not. And... besides that... he isn't too sure how to act in this restaurant. The wrong move could ruin everything, and make Pinkie mad at him.

{Act natural.}

You always say that.

{And I mean it.}

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w39ntIJmQFs&feature=relmfu

"Err... I... really like your mane?" Wade said. This was sort of the truth, but he wasn't sure if he should mention it.

"Thanks! I like your lack of a tail!" She responded.

[...How did we not notice that after all these issues?]

"So... how you enjoyin' Ponyville so far?" She asked.

"I haven't gotten a chance to blow shhhh..... Manure up yet." He responded.

"Yeah, you'll have to get used to it. Not sure if you've noticed, but Ponyville is probably one of the most peaceful towns in Equestria."

"Is there a... Pony equivalent of New York?" He asked.

"Well, there's Manehattan. That's about it."

"I'll have to get there, surely my Marvel buddies have found themselves in here. Somehow. Maybe just... exist over there..."

"Look on the bright side. At least you get to say all the weird things you want, and around me, it just looks like you're a twin brother of mine with an identical personality!" She said.

"Ah huh... cool..." Deadpool said.

"Orders, Miss?" A waiter asked Pinkie.

"Got any tacos?" Pinkie asked.

"I believe we can organize that, yes. How about you, sir?" He said, looking to Wade.

"Same for me." He answered.

[Tacos. Cool.]

As the waiter left to get the tacos, Wade's mind raced.

It lost the race against the brain cells.

Damnit. I still haven't figured out how this works yet.

Pinkie was now looking around the restaurant. Wade looked around too. He stared awkwardly at Pinkie for a moment.

[This isn't part of dating, by the way. You don't stare at people awkwardly.]

Pinkie looked back at him staring. She looked thoughtful for a moment, before silently engaging in a staring contest.

...

...

...

...

...

...

{You blinked.}

"We were having a staring contest?" Deadpool asked.

"Yeah, why else were you staring at me like you were a vampire hungry for blood?" She asked.

"...Well... I don't know." He said.

The Waiter arrived with their tacos. They ate in awkward silence.

[This isn't going very well, is it...]

-----

The two left the restaurant. They were going to a park for the remainder of their date. After walking through a path on some fields, they found a secluded bench, and decided to sit there. They looked around the place. It was a lot darker now.

"I'm not usually up at this time unless I'm partying," Pinkie commented.

"I'm up at this time whenever I have a job that stretches out for a long time." Deadpool responded.

Pinkie smiled. "Did you enjoy your old job?" She asked.

"Well, yeah. I mean, first, it started out as a way to get money. Now it's a way to get money and have adventures. Mainly for the money, still." He replied.

"Huh. I wouldn't be comfortable with continually killing people. That's just me, I guess." Pinkie said, shrugging.

"You obviously haven't seen how comfy my suit is." Wade said.

{What does that have to do with it?}

[Really comfy, though.]

"It makes the killing relaxing." He said to his head voices.

"I'll hold you to that." Pinkie said.

Deadpool blinked. He wasn't quite sure what she was replying to.

"Huh?"

"I'd like to see how comfy your suit is someday. I think I'd look real sexy in that."

{Does not compute. Original not sexy in suit.}

"Everyone looks sexy in my suit... although, I bet you could pull it off nicely." Deadpool responded. Before using his brain.

Wait-wait-wait-wait... what did I just say?

{We told you. Your hormones are horsified... ... I don't like that word.}

[Ponyfied?]

{That's exactly what I said... it sounds better now... I'll use it!}

[You stole my stolen idea. Gonnae no dae that.]

{How?}

[Just... gonnae no...]

Pinkie giggled, then shifted a bit closer to him on the bench. Wade inhaled sharply, in a bit of surprise. He looked to her, and she looked to him.

"I always wondered... why do you hide your face?" Pinkie asked.

"...Err... well..." He began.

{...}

[...]

{...}

[...]

{...}

[...]

{...}

[...]

{...}

[...]

{The tension is killing me. Tell her, before I leave the story for good.}

"Well... basically... the reason I can heal is because, in my world, I'd gotten cancer, and I let myself get experimented on so it could get cured. Well, they gave me a healing factor, but it didn't do much good for my manly face." He explained.

{Was it even manly?}

Yes, of course.

"So now, I don't take it off much. Still, I think I have a bit of charm with that look. But I don't think a town of peaceful bores want to see the scars belonging to the most exciting male they'll ever meet."

"Hey, Ponyville isn't a town of bores," Pinkie said, "They certainly know how to party."

"Hmmmmmaybe I can see that for myself, the next time ya throw a party."

"Probably."

...

...

...

...

...

{Haven't we used this to signify awkward silences enough?}

[No.]

"And this is the point where dates usually end..." Pinkie said. "I was really enjoying it too..."

"To be honest," Wade began, "So.. did I..."

{And now you're saying that like it's alien to you. Remember the time you had that date in the zombie universe?}

[Well, to be fair, she did turn into a zombie later.]

{Meh.}

"It's not all bad, though..." Pinkie said, giving him a sort of suggestive look... "This is also the part where I do this..." She finished, before pulling him in and kissing him full on the mask. At the mouth part, of course.

[Err. This is new.]

{*Munch* *Munch* Hm? I'm eating right now. Leave a mes- oh, right.}

She breaks away from the kiss.

"Hmm... your mask tastes like spandex. You're lucky it was awesome spandex."

"Uhhhhh..." Deadpool said, still a bit shocked.

"Well, I'm off to bed. See ya tomorrow, Wadey!" She said, before winking, and bouncing off.

"Uhhhhh..."

{...Err... does she 'like' like us or not?}

"Uhhhhh..."

[I guess we should wait till morning.]

"Uhhhhh..."

{Stop that.}

"Uh uhhhhh..."

[Well, guess you can't argue with refusal.]

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To be continued in the next issue!

{OTP?}

Oh, The Pain?

{Err... no. OTP as in, Shipping OTP. One True Pairing. Shipping. You might have just become a shipper now.}

I don't have a boat...

{*Facepalm* Where did the term Shipping come from anyway...}

The last four words of relationship?

{Probably. I thought you were an idiot.}

I don't know the word, 'Thought.'

{... I hate you.}

It's not that bad, I just thought of a mini-story idea!

{...Four stories to simultaneously work on? Really?}

OTP! OTP!