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Deadpool Vs. Equestria

by Live Light

Chapter 11: Issue #9: A Moment of Random Proportions

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Deadpool Vs Equestria

Issue #9

A Moment of Random Proportions.

Last time...

Deadpool met Weasel, the friend who built the portal that sent Deadpool into the world of Equestria. After having been deemed dangerous by Princess Celestia, he now spends his days in Ponyville learning how to behave. Now, he pays a visit to Twilight Sparkle...


__________________________________________________________________________________

Deadpool and Pinkie walked over to Twilight's house. IT'S A TREE! OKAY.

*Knock Knock Knock*

After a while, Stephenie Meyer opened the door.

"Duodenum!" Deadpool said.

Twilight stared at him with widened eyes of surprise.

"...What about the duodenum?" She asked.

"I thought the fans wanted one after all this time."

[I know I did.]

{Anyone read more of 6 yet?}

"Not now, White Box. Anyway. Hi, Twilight. Pinkie and I are visiting the ponies that walk around like zombified brainy people. Which is the same way humans do, but these ones walk on all fours. As do I. IT'S WEIRD!"

"Not for us, Deadpool," Twilight replied, "In fact, for us, we find real-living humans, walking on their hind legs to be strange."

"That's offensive to me."

"Maybe your 'weird four-leg zombies' comment was offensive."

"The question is, was it? And if so, was that exactly what I said?"

"Yes, I found it offensive, as you called us zombies. We already have zombies."

"I never called you zombies. I said the way in which civilizations of all sorts walk is that of a brainy zombie."

"...Right."

"Well, nice treehouse." Deadpool said. "Can we come in?"

"I'm not so sure about letting you do that, Deadpool." Twilight replied.

"I am." Deadpool said, before teleporting inside. Twilight blinked, looked behind her to see Deadpool looking around the place. She looked back at the door for Pinkie, to find she wasn't there. Looking back at Deadpool, Pinkie was right next to him. One spontaneous crazy is enough, we don't need Deadpool killing us all... thought Twilight.

"I wonder if I should star in another Gangnam Style video, set in here... bit like last time, except brony friendly!" Deadpool commented.

"Wait, that doesn't make you one right now, does it?" Pinkie asked.

"Not really, it probably just makes me a character if I'm in the show right now." Wade replied.

"Oh, good. Just saying. You'd probably be one of those weird bronies who feels the need to write untrue fan-fictions about us being evil, and get this... some even cl-"

{Anyone read 6 yet?}

"Shush, White Box, we're speaking about important matters."

{No you're not. I'm trying to be happily confused for once, and you're freakin' ignoring me.}

[FINE, I'LL GIVE IT A READ, IF IT'LL GET YOU TO SHUT UP!]

{Cool.}

[Wait... Author... Pennywise? YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID OF CLOWNS!]

...No... actually, I don't... how can you be a coulrophobe if Wade and White Box aren't?

[BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY!]

Are you just trying to make yourself seem funny by being overly meta?

[Yes.]

Just read 6. Now.

[Fine.]

"I wonder how one performs the Gangnam dance as a pony..." Deadpool wondered out loud.

"Deadpool," Began Twilight, "Do you mind if I use this as an oppurtunity to ask you some questions?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"...Well, sorry, but unless another human fell through the portal with you, you'll have to d-"

"I can get Weasel!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Who?" Twilight asked.

"He's a friend of Wadey's who came here a lot later than he did, he's talking to Fluttershy right now, so, if you want, you can go visit him! He has glasses, and he's totally smart."

"Really? Well, I guess he'll be more useful that Deadpool." Twilight commented.

"Yes." Wade responded shallowly.

"Well... I'll be right back... see you in a moment, Pinkie." Twilight said, before turning to Deadpool. "I've got my eye on you..." she said with a bit of coldness in her voice, before teleporting into a purple flash of light.

{This would be a brilliant time to bring in Spike.}

I can't be bothered. Plus, I already included him in The Recluse.

{You included the animal characters.}

They're fun!

[...]

{Finished reading?}

[Yes.]

{Not so much Gusta now, hm?}

[Shaddap.]

{While I'm still shocked, I'm satisfied.}

[SHADDAAAAAAAP!]

"So... she teleports too?" Deadpool asked.

"Yup! She's magic!" Pinkie answered.

"Ah. Right." Deadpool said. He looked around as an awkward silence settled in.

"You don't... have any cows in Equestria, do ya?" He asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"... ... ... ... ...No reason."

"Alright!"

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"So... High Moon Studios, huh?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Yeah. High Moon Studios. I hope they make my game a success. There'll be hell to pay if it sucks." Deadpool answered.

"Uh huh."

...

...

...

...

"What kind of evil fan-fictions?" Deadpool asked.

"Well, there's the one we knew about at Fluttershy's. Then, there's Rainbow Factory, Cheerilee's Garden... list goes on."

"Uh huh." Deadpool responded.

"Do you still wanna leave?" Pinkie asked.

"Yeah. I don't fit in with colourful ponies as much as I did when they were hallucinations."

"Aww... You're really fun to have around!" Pinkie said.

"...Really?" Deadpool asked, feeling rather curious.

"Yup!"

"How?"

"You're really weird, you say funny things, and it's always fun to compare you to Deathstroke!" She explained.

"Huh. Well, thanks."

"Plus, Fluttershy's right, you can be really nice. You risked your life which wasn't going to be at risk anyway to save me from some psycho lady who thought I wronged her. I would never do that. Heck, I don't even like breaking mirrors!"

"Hmm... I did do that, didn't I..." He said.

...

...

...

...

[Ask her out.]

Oh, not this again.

{Ask her out.}

What the buck... now they're both against me... AUTHOR, HELP ME!

No.

But... this is too early, right!?

Not really. This may be the 9th issue, but it's the 11th chapter.

At least... make me used to horse-species dating?

No.

Come ooon.

No.

Come oooon!

No.

OHH, COME AAWWWN!

No.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixey1pXAakM

Not... convinced...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu_RmSJxtUE

Agh, damnit. Fine. I'll make you used to this. But make this the first of a 'grant me three wishes' of meta thingies.

Akay.

BY THE POWER OF... THE POWER!

... ... ...Anyway.

"Err... Pinkie Pie..." Wade began.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"I was wondering... would you... like to... .... ... Blueberry Muffins..." Deadpool facehoofed.

"Uhh... I haven't cooked those before, but err... I have a better idea."

"What?"

"...Wanna go on a date?"

[Oh, wow.]

{I wonder if the undead sorcerer expected this.}

He's not undead, Deadpool just didn't shoot him in the head right.

HEY!

"Err... yeah."

"Really? I mean, uh, cool! Yeah! Uh... when?"

{Hour.}

[Hour.]

Hour.

(Hour.)

Shut up.

"Hour?"

Pinkie thinks for a moment, looking slightly nervous, before deciding...

"Okie-dokie-lokie!"

"Alright, let's get ready at meet at err... Town hall?" Wade suggested.

"Okay. See ya soon!"

The two ran off in separate directions. Twilight teleported just as they left. She looked around. When she saw nopony in the house, she just shrugged, and went upstairs to study.

-----

Deadpool ran over to Weasel, who was walking over to Sugarcube Corner after his interview with Twilight. Deadpool tackled him to the ground.

"Agh! Wade, what're you doing!?" He yelled.

"I need the bag, bye." Deadpool said, before trying to teleport away with his teleport device, before getting an electric shock. It's back on the fritz. Using it 3 times is apparently bad luck... oh well.

"Curses... foiled again." Deadpool commented, before running to his Guest Room in Sugarcube Corner. Weasel decided to walk over just so he can get his back.

_______________________________________________________________________

To be continued in the next issue!

...

...

...

Well, say something.

{I got smooched by Pink Box in 6, I guess?}

Meh, good for you.

Next Chapter: Issue #10: The Joys of Dating Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 59 Minutes
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