"Ugh."

Hi, I'm Fifty-Seven and I'm a brony. Not a very good one at that either, I can't draw, write or make music. So when I got sucked into Equestria for an adventure, I thought, as anyone would in this situation.

"What a naff, contrived, un-inspired, way to start a piece of horrible fan-fiction."

Little did I know, I was absolutely right.

"Where am I?" I asked to no-one in-particular. "Ponyville. Great. It's like we're getting right into the clichés, good to know."

I got to my hooves, unsurprised that I was now in fact a horse. I was a grey unicorn with a similar build to Braeburn and black mane which had a single purple stripe through it. My cutie-mark was the roman numerals for 57, which I thought uninspired and whoever was writing this human-in-Equestria story was obviously a bigger idiot than I first thought. Then I realised it was probably me, so I shut up.

And I do mean shut up, I had in fact been examining my new pony body, out loud and it would seem my listing of bland OC delights had caught quite a crowd of background ponies. This made me feel kind of special until I realised how nonchalant your average background could be in their selection of which events are worthwhile (many of them will in fact turn up several times simultaneously to even the most mundane of occasions).

I looked around for ponies I recognised but alas, no mane six, no CMC, no Lyra, Bon-Bon, Berry Punch, Dr Hooves or Derpy. I decided that I should commend the author of the fan-fic I was in for not being predictable in that fashion, but then I realised how dull this human in Equestria story would get if no recognisable ponies appeared.

Pushing through the crowd of generally boring background ponies, I decided I should head to the closest recognisable landmark, Sugarcube corner.

"Hello, dearie," I heard Mrs Cake call. "New in town?"

"Yes, actually I was looking for Pinkie Pie." I immediately regretted this; everyone knows the only thing worse than bad human-in-Equestria fan-fiction was bad comedy human-in-Equestria fan fiction.

"I haven't seen her all day," Mrs Cake replied. "Sorry."

"Okay, thanks." I said  disappointed , despite my pride.

I wandered aimlessly for a bit, "well I guess I’m going to have to make my mind up, am I going to be a willing participant in this... thing, or am I going to be cynical about everything." It was a tough decision, on the one hand I guess I was living the dream, on the other hand I do love to complain.

Eventually I decided to try and enjoy myself and headed back to Ponyville; only to find twilight's library shut, sweet apple acres locked and rarity's boutique closed.

"Well Dashie's out of the question for obvious reasons, I guess that leaves Fluttershy," I felt a twinge of guilt, I didn't want to impose on Fluttershy, I saw how she was to twilight in Episode 1 so how would she be to a colt? I decided to concentrate on happier things, like the fact I was lost in Ponyville. Wait, what? Lost. In Ponyville? But it's so small isn’t it? I looked around for familiar landmarks, but there was nothing recognisable to be found.

"This is ridiculous," my hind slumped to the ground out of weariness. "Actually, that was a long paragraph, I’m surprised whoever was writing this rubbish had that long of an attent-"

My 4th wall breaking musings were rudely interrupted by being stabbed in the back however.

"Oh, I’m so sorry," My would-be assassin apologised, flicking her minty mane out of her golden yellow eyes. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I’m fine," I eventually replied after several seconds of stunned silence, "I'm just glad unicorn horns are relatively blunt."

The pony, now in front of me, chuckled. "Are you new in town? I've never seen you before."

"Yeah, I'm Fifty-Seven."

"That's a bit of a strange name." I'm sure Lyra wanted to say un-inspired, I certainly did. "My names Heartstrings, I’ll see you around Fifty-Seven."

"See you."

I watched the unicorn walk away, and then it hit me.

"Damn, I didn't ask her the way to Fluttershy's house."