There was something magically healing about going to bed angry. The problems were still there when she woke up but the emotions were always put back in their boxes.

The visibility was good outside so Rainbow went for an early morning fly. It came to an early pause however. Three columns of gray smoke at the fairgrounds caught her eye and curiosity got the better of her. She touched down on the cracked asphalt to see the Nightmare Fair in late stages of teardown.

The stalls were stripped, the temporary ones disassembled entirely. Banners, lights and decorations were packed away in crates. Workers were up on scaffolding, taking down all the thematic elements for the roller coaster. It must have taken a team of ponies working through the night because there was nary a clue left of Nightmare Night.

Just like that, it was gone. It really underscored the fleeting nature of holidays that she’d always hated. The big holidays were so much fun but always seemed to leave a hole inside once they left. Everyone spent a month hyping them up, decorating and preparing for that one day and then it came and it was over in just a few hours.

Once winter came, the fairgrounds would be a Hearth's Warming village but until then, it was nothing.

Rainbow walked somberly toward a bonfire where trash and leftover materials lay burning in a heap. Through the smoke she recognized the naked building where the funhouse ride was, the place where she'd forced herself on Rumble and screwed up everything. She felt a chill, and a belated shot of adrenaline like her body was telling her that she needed to do something, change something, just one thing. Say you can't go. Stop at two drinks. Don't get on the ride. The thoughts were as worthless now as they were tormenting.

Her hoof slipped on something glossy and paper thin. When she looked down she saw dozens of ride photos that had spilled on the ground before making it to the fire. They were all from the rollercoaster, Dark Flight. Her eyes bounced between groups of strangers caught on camera, screaming in fear and delight on the big drop. The images were a modest 5x7 in size, each car of riders framed by a cheesy bat border graphic with the ride’s name at the top.

Rainbow's eyes landed on a picture of herself sitting behind Rumble and Scootaloo who had her eyes clenched shut. Her mouth dropped open. It was the photo that they never claimed. She picked up the image with her wing and looked closer. This was the last documentation of a happy, normal life, not ideal but not an alien abyss.

She closed her eyes, trying to wish herself back into that moment, back into that life. If things had gone differently, she would have been excited to keep this momento but as it was, all it did was remind her of how she failed Scootaloo and everyone else. She opened her eyes and flicked the photo into the fire. If the fair had to leave, it should at least take that memory with it.

Rainbow bathed in the warmth of the flames as she watched her own face turn to ash. - - -

---

Rainbow felt the G’s in her stomach as she hit the hairpin and made a tight u-turn through the hoop gate. She poured on the speed in the straightaway, making the most conservative s-turns she could get away with to clear the remaining gates. She made a wide, lazy turn after the finish and touched down on the tarmac near her instructor. She stretched her wings as she waited to keep them from cramping.

“Twenty-eight twenty-two,” barked Spitfire. “You shaved three quarters of a second off your best time. If you tighten your form on turns six and seven, you could be in record territory.”

Hearing this sent a much needed jolt of egotism through her brain and she glanced around with smug validation, wishing Thunderlane was in earshot. They hadn't spoken today even though they'd seen each other before practice. She was still angry and embarrassed about the way they'd ended their night together but didn't know how to reconcile their differences in a healthy way, neither of them did.

Rainbow had more speed than anyone. The whole academy knew that. Control and accuracy were the areas she was always practicing in. Glory for her was only a matter of muscle memory and execution. It was nice to have something working out. Despite her issues in Ponyville, she still had things going for her in Cloudsdale. She still had prestige, an identity and a future. That wasn't to say that she didn't care about being the Element of Loyalty and was ready to let go.

After a battery of drills with no chatter and only exchanging a few neutral glances with her coltfriend, Rainbow went to the locker room alone and slipped out of her uniform.

It seemed Thunderlane had been waiting for this moment to approach her.

“Rainbow, you did good in practice today,” he began awkwardly. “I um, found something for you at the store this morning.”

Rainbow turned from her locker to see him, still in his suit and humbly holding out a Daring Doo novel. It was a rare sight to see and predictably She ate it up every time. But even though she appreciated the offering it somehow didn't feel as nice as getting that licorice from Rumble.

She already had this title but her copy was admittedly much more beat up. Did he know that? Did it matter? She accepted the book with one hoof and looked back up at him. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

Thunderlane paused for a moment and then leaned in tentatively. Rainbow closed her eyes, conceding on the matter over a desire for stability and simplicity, even if this ritual was just toxic and immature. Their lips met with expectedly more passion than a typical greeting or goodbye, excited by renewed acceptance.

As usual they changed nothing. He didn't acknowledge being out of line or her valid concerns and she let him get away with it, opting instead to just sweep it back under the rug, have mind-blowing make-up sex and then fight about the same thing again next week. - - -

---

It just so happened that Pinkie Pie and Starlight Glimmer's journey back from their weeks-long friendship mission ended that day. Knowing this, Rainbow returned to Ponyville for the welcome back and subsequent map room meeting.

“I can't believe I missed Nightmare Night,” moaned Pinkie as the group walked into the castle. “I was on a stupid train and they didn't have nearly enough candy for a mobile celebration.”

“Yeah, that must suck,” scoffed Rainbow, bitterly wallowing in her own desire to just not be a tagalong fixture at another gathering. It was always embarrassing and no one really knew what to do about it. She wasn't sure how long she could keep doing it.

“Didn't really matter to me,” she heard Starlight mutter candidly to Twilight.

The group filed into the map room on autopilot and took their places for the semi-formal debriefing.

Twilight let the girls chatter happily for a while until Pinkie Pie interrupted.

“Look,” she exclaimed, her eyes getting huge.

“What is it?” asked Rarity, her eyes darting about in confusion.

Pinkie pointed at the Throne of Loyalty and the whole room gasped.

There on the top of the backrest, Rainbow's cutie mark had vanished, replaced with Starlight Glimmer's.

“How strange.”

“Does that mean what I think it means?” whispered Spike.

“Try to sit in it,” prodded Pinkie breathlessly.

Starlight gritted her teeth and shot a wary glance at Rainbow who looked like she'd just been bucked in the stomach. “Ugh, well do- do I have to right now?”

“Well, hold on,” cautioned Twilight, wanting to diffuse the difficult situation. “This isn't really what we're doing right-”

“It's fine, Twilight,” Rainbow interrupted, grim heaviness in her voice. Her eyes fell to the floor. “Might as well. The sooner we figure this out, the better.”

Twilight shrugged at Starlight who turned to the now infamous chair. She approached it hesitantly and placed a hoof on the seat without incident. The girls exchanged shocked expressions. Then she slid woodenly into the chair and looked back at everyone, laughing nervously.

The girls murmured in amazement, never having witnessed such a mysterious phenomenon.

Rainbow bowed her head dejectedly. It was official. It wasn't hers anymore and she wasn't part of this group. It felt like she was losing her place all over again but this time it was for good. Just when she thought she was all done crying over this. It was hard not to see the chair as a gauge for how well she was doing, how worthy she was, how good of a pony she was and she'd finally washed out and been replaced.

The group gave a mortified Starlight tepid congratulations, trying to walk a tightrope between loss and happiness but there was no salvaging the moment for anyone.

Rainbow swallowed before giving a pained smile to the room. “Well, guess there's no reason for me to be here anymore. See ya… everyone.” She waved, turned around and fluttered out the door.

“Rainbow,” called Twilight.

“I'll- I'll talk to you later,” Replied Rainbow shakily as she hurried for the exit. - - -

---

It was a detail that went strangely unnoticed by her but most of the time Rainbow only walked when she was sad. She always flew and even when it would be appropriate to simply stand, she stayed in the air and idled in place. Ponies who knew her for a long time could easily recognize her gloomy mood even if they weren't quite sure why.

She left the Castle of Friendship and loped along toward the edge of town, watching the ground beneath her hooves as it became cracked and unkempt with weeds. She stopped abruptly as a pair of smooth metal rails scrolled into view and her hoof bumped an array of old wooden planks.

Her eyes fixated on a railroad spike that was sticking high out of its hole like it had been shaken loose from heavy vibration. A strange, almost imperceptible metallic ringing tickled her ears. Then a whistle sounded from far away and she looked to see the mirage of a train engine in the distance. For a time she forgot what she was doing and just stood upon the tracks, watching it crawl closer, a column of smoke towering higher and higher with each spin of the wheels.

Rainbow was frozen with apathy at the sight as she tried to get her thoughts straight. She turned away and saw the little ramshackle office building nestled in the heart of the bad part of town. That was what she was looking for. Slowly she moved along and left the tracks behind.

A help wanted sign graced the grimy window but it had never once moved from that spot as far back as she could remember. Rainbow pushed the door open with a squeak.

An older bespectacled pegasus stallion looked up from a collection of charts and blinked in surprise. “Well, look who it is,” he chuckled. “Come by to say hi?”

She smiled weakly. “Not exactly,” she mumbled. “I wanted to know if you had a job for me.”

Weathervane frowned with concern, showing his age in forehead wrinkles. “Something happen?”

Rainbow sighed as she came to the desk. “You can say that, I guess. Let's just say I have some free time.”

His eyebrows suddenly went up. “You didn't leave the Wonderbolts did you?”

“No.”

Confounded by her ambiguity, he paused for a moment as if trying to figure it out himself before shrugging in defeat. “Well, we got an opening but only one available shift, four to midnight. It's late, it's lonely, it's boring but at least it's not graveyard so you don't have to sleep like a bat pony.”

“I'll take it,” she answered without any thought.

“Alright,” he nodded. “Can you start tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” she breathed.

“Great to have you back, Rainbow. Need all the help we can get for storm season and no one could make a storm like you.”

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