Rainbow’s tentatively adopted plan of conferencing with Rumble wasn't going to happen naturally, neither was the courage she needed to follow through with what would amount to character suicide, possibly on a national scale. She used to pride herself on being brave. Only now looking back did she realize just how cartoonishly simple her notion of bravery was. She did not feel brave, not anymore. Every time she felt like she could do it, she thought a little bit more and decided that she couldn't.

Nightmare Night was coming fast and for the first time the holiday was all but locked away in the dark closet of Rainbow's gloomy brain. She went with Thunderlane to the annual Wonderbolt Academy costume party, trying to outwardly return to form. This was after all a place that her problems in Ponyville were largely unknown and didn't have to loom over her in every conversation if she didn't let them.

Rainbow went wrapped like a cursed mummy as illustrated on the cover of her favorite Daring Doo novel. Thunderlane dressed as a timberwolf.

“Hey,” greeted Fleetfoot with a smile. “I was wondering where you two were.”

“We're not that late,” shrugged Rainbow.

“C'mon, drinks are over here.”

The gymnasium strobed with colored lights as dance music pounded over a pop-up dance floor where dozens of animals and monsters were already tearing it up.

Fleetfoot passed two hard ciders to the pair from the beverage table.

Rainbow reluctantly received the bottle. Drinking was what was normal, or rather, it was what was expected of her. She didn't like it anymore but she'd do it for the purpose of keeping up appearances.

Thunderlane took a swig immediately while Rainbow just clutched hers for the moment.

“Hey, Thunderlane, what's your costume?” asked Soarin, appearing at their side with a cup of pretzels.

“I'm a timberwolf.”

“What's a timberwolf?” he shrugged quizzically.

“It's a big apex predator that lives in the forest; see, you'd probably know this shit if you got off the cloud once in a while.”

“Well, can you blame me for not visiting if there are timberwolves down there?”

Everyone laughed. Even Rainbow smiled.

“Did Thunderlane help wrap you?” asked Soarin, pointing at Rainbow’s gauze bandages.

“Oh, yeah.”

“It took like half an hour,” he added. “But I made it worth the trouble.”

“Oh, so that's why you were late,” smirked Fleetfoot.

“Hey, Thunderlane, congrats on breaking the 5k slalom,” yelled Firebolt as she walked by.

“Thanks,” he replied, raising his drink in recognition.

Rainbow scoffed but it was lost under the loud music. He got a record with performance enhancing drugs; what a load of shit. Half of her almost wanted him to get caught if only to preserve the integrity of Wonderbolt history.

“What are you doing for Nightmare Night?” Fleetfoot asked Rainbow.

“Uh… I dunno. Probably terrorize the town. You know me.”

She eyed the still full bottle in Rainbow's wingtip. “Are you gonna drink that or do you want a to-go box?” she quipped.

“Yeah, C’mon, Rainbow,” added Thunderlane impatiently. “Drink it or put it down so we can dance.”

Rainbow glanced at her drink. “Oh yeah,” she laughed awkwardly. “Just forgot, I guess. She brought the opening to her lips.

The cider washed over her tongue with sickeningly sweet recollection and suddenly she was back on that ride, tasting the apples on her own hot breath as she rubbed herself on Rumble's lap. Her stomach revolted.

Rainbow turned away, retching and coughing. Her favorite drink had been ruined.

“Are you okay?” asked Thunderlane.

“Go down the wrong pipe?” added Soarin.

Rainbow spat on the floor, then swallowed with a grimace. “I guess I’m not feeling well.” - - -

---

Nightmare Night Day arrived seemingly from out of the mist and Rainbow didn't know what to do with it.

“Seriously?” scoffed Thunderlane in annoyance, slamming his locker.

“I got nothing,” she breathed listlessly. Nothing sounded thrilling and she was at a loss coming up with alternative activities that didn't feel like they were squandering the occasion.

“You're always on cloud nine for this. You've been acting so weird.” He almost sounded accusatory.

Rainbow shrugged weakly, trying to think of some way to change the subject.

“Whatever,” grumbled the stallion. ‘We can just walk behind the kids while they trick or treat. Wanna do that?”

His suggestion had a sarcastic edge but to her it sounded at least mildly interesting. “Yeah,” Rainbow nodded, following him out to the hall. “Can we?” It was an easy, lowkey solution for how to spend the evening, nothing like what she was used to doing but it still felt appropriate in the spirit. She’d lost her appetite for mischief the same way she'd lost her appetite for cider. But at least she could still enjoy looking at decorations and watching ponies in costumes.

---

As night was falling and ponies lit up their houses with ghoulish decor, Rainbow settled into something resembling enjoyment. It was the most comfortable with the two brothers she'd been since going to the Nightmare Fair. They met up with Scootaloo and the Cutie Mark Crusaders and started through a bustling neighborhood of streets blanketed with red and yellow leaves.

Everything glowed with a dreamlike moodiness and it was nice seeing the foals frolic excitedly from house to house, living for the next big score.

“You're not walking all the way back home in the dark tonight, are you?” Rainbow asked Apple Bloom as they returned to the sidewalk with a bounty of two full sized candy bars each.

“Nope, we're havin’ a sleepover at Sweetie Belle's after this.” The filly had made the modifications to her costume that Rainbow had suggested weeks ago, opting to be a non-traditional zombie with a bloody sickle through her brain.

The kids galloped onward to the next house, candy buckets bobbling from around their necks and saddle bags shifting on their back. Thunderlane and Rainbow walked slowly together, hanging back behind the group, content to just watch and absorb the ambiance while wet leaves hitched rides on their fetlocks.

Scootaloo stayed at Rumble’s side, the adults’ little analogue relationship, like looking into a mirror… not really. The biggest thing their relationships had in common was the untold truth rotting under the foundation. Everyone could smell it but only Rainbow and Rumble knew what it was.

Rainbow frowned as she watched the uncomfortable dynamic play out from door to door. Scootaloo was head over hooves all over him while he seemed more aloof, reciprocating with noticeably less vigor. Maybe she was reading too much into it and it was just their different personalities more than the stench. It could be a lot of things for that matter, the large audience or the cumberness of their candy burden. It didn't have to be standoffishness derived from guilt but that was exactly what she was thinking about when she felt Thunderlane's hoof caressing her flank.

The excursion only stopped when the foals’ packs were bulging and their buckets overflowing.

Rumble and Scootaloo nuzzled awkwardly to the sounds of Sweetie and Apple Bloom's irreverent hooting.

“Shut up,” hissed Scootaloo indignantly as she joined them. The Cutie Mark Crusaders headed for Carousel Boutique, plotting to take stock of their haul and get sick before sunrise.

Rumble removed his ninja headband. He rejoined the adults and they continued on toward his and Thunderlane's house.

“I've never gotten this much candy before,” mused Rumble, sifting through his bucket. “You can have my licorice if you want.” He looked at Rainbow and held out a stem of red licorice in his wing tip as they walked. “It's your favorite, right? Well, you at least like it more than I do.”

Rainbow felt an unexpected fluttering in her chest at the thoughtful gesture. “Thanks,” she murmured, receiving the treat.

“There's probably more; I'll save it for you for later.”

Rainbow bit off a chunk of the soft cherry candy she’d liked ever since she could remember.

The house was in sight now, prompting Thunderlane to turn to his brother.

“I'm gonna walk Rainbow home. I'll be back soon. Don't eat too much candy.”

“Okay.” Rumble's eyes flicked over to hers with a strange sadness in them, the kind ponies get when they stop telling a story because no one was listening.

Rainbow messed up his mane as tradition dictated. “See ya,” she breathed. - - -

---

Rainbow muffled her impassioned screams into her pillow as Thunderlane's thighs clapped rapidly into her hindquarters. Her front end laid on the mattress as her back end stood on the floor under her coltfriend’s weight. She cried out in pain, her head jerking back as he yanked her mane roughly with his teeth. The sharp sting in her scalp with the pleasure in her loins was what finally pushed her over the edge. Her thoughts melted in her head and for a few glorious moments, even standing right at the crossroads of malignant cowardice and moral failure, she was free.

Eyes closed, mouth open, Rainbow's body shook in ecstasy. Her brain flickered back on about the time Thunderlane was on his final thrusts. He drove home deep inside her with a growl of finality. He squeezed tightly around her barrel until the trembling in his hips subsided and his tense body relaxed atop hers.

“Happy Nightmare Night,” he grunted, pulling out of her. He exhaled in satisfaction and then flopped on her bed with a creak.

Rainbow held her position, waiting for her post orgasmic daze to ebb away before joining him on the mattress. That was borderline too rough… or was it? She came hard enough that it seemed more a feature than a flaw and thus it wasn't even worth mentioning the discomfort. In itself, that was more evidence that sex was the thickest link in the chain that kept them tethered.

She had a theory that the drugs made him more aggressive in bed. Then again, he was also more aggressive if it had been more than a few days.

His foreleg wrapped around her in what they knew would be a short lived embrace.

“Are you clean now?” she mumbled.

“Yeah. Have to be,” he sighed into her twitching ear.

“For good?”

Thunderlane was silent.

“Thunderlane?”

“What? Why do you care?” he grumbled.

“It’s dishonest and it makes your body more fragile and eventually it's going to catch up with you,” she scoffed.

“They make me a better flier and even got me in the record book.”

"Okay, well I'm gonna make a point to knock down every record you set while on PEDs."

“Ugh.” He yanked his foreleg from her with livid indignation. "What the fuck, Rainbow?"

She rolled over to face him defiantly. "If you don't like it, then stop using and go legit."

"Easy for you to say. You don't even have to be at the top of your game to stay in. You'll still be on the team when you're fifty."

"You're not in danger of being cut,” she retorted. “That's bullshit. You're just looking for some kind of cheap notoriety."

"Well excuse me for wanting to leave a mark at the academy."

"Your records don't mean shit if you're juicing and you know it. What's it gonna get you that's so great? A legacy built on a lie just for attention? That's pathetic and you don't need it."

Thunderlane rolled off of the bed with a huff and stormed for the door.

“Well, you know what? Some of us don't have parents that worship the cloud we walk on just for using up oxygen,” he spat.

The door slammed behind him and Rainbow was left alone with the soft buzzing between her legs and an upset heart. Yeah, well I fucked your brother, she imagined herself saying. That would shut him up. She grinded her teeth and pummeled her pillow in angry frustration.

Asshole. Am I the only one you're not trying to impress?

This fight was long overdue and would have happened inevitably but couldn't she have just shut the fuck this time just to have one nice moment together? Even while every act of affection now had a tinge of cynical phoniness to it? The results would have been different if she'd been less combative about it, if she had any interpersonal tools in her box other than dynamite and a sledgehammer. It was impossible to deny that their shortcomings had a certain synergy that brought out their worst.

Rainbow snuffed out the candle and laid in the dark, replaying all the needlessly incendiary things she'd said, convinced she had a compulsion to sabotage her relationship and that her pattern of efforts was also nothing new.

A whiff of smoke filled her nostrils and she rolled over, seething at Thunderlane but also herself.

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