Rainbow sat alone in a booth at the all night diner. A cup of coffee steamed on the table as she whittled away the last of her latest Rock Slide book. A light rain pattered on the cobblestone outside just as prescribed by the office.

The nice thing about working on the weather team was that it afforded a lot of on-the-clock free time if you got an easy schedule or were just good at it. If Rainbow set up the conditions right, it took minimal maintenance to keep the forecast on track through her entire shift. The rest of the time she could just read in the diner or color.

She closed her book and sipped her coffee. That was a pretty good one, she thought. Rainbow's evaluation of books in recent weeks was less about quality and more about how well they made her forget. These stories always had a bad guy who foiled the protagonist's plans and made their lives hell. Sometimes the hero had bad luck but most misfortune came from a nasty plot. Rainbow's life was in ruins but there was no antagonist in her story.

Rainbow closed her eyes and sniffed the edge of the book, gestating morbidly on the staleness of the old pages. She didn't like the smell but she always inexplicably did it with books she thought would smell old.

She looked out the window into the darkness and rain and saw a blurry reflection of herself sitting in an identical booth in an identical diner.

"I'm the bad guy in my own story,” she whispered to herself.

Rainbow smoothed out the collar of her Wonderbolts uniform and then slammed her locker shut.

“Crash,” called Spitfire from the open door. “Doc wants to see you about your physical results.”

Rainbow looked back and blinked in surprise. “She does?”

“Yeah, go get it straightened out before practice.”

“What's it about?”

Spitfire shrugged. “I dunno. Confidential. At least for now.” The captain disappeared from the doorway to go join the rest of the team at practice.

Rainbow frowned but nodded compliantly before leaving the locker room.

This was weird and a bit ominous, she thought. She couldn't remember ever having a follow-up for a routine physical. Typically they just passed you and no one gave it another thought. Unless she didn't pass… But that didn't make sense. She was perfectly healthy. Why wouldn't she pass? She wasn't on any banned substances either; Thunderlane was though. Her brain began to churn with far reaching theories. Was there such a thing as cross contamination with PEDs or could it be sexually transmitted? She was going to get kicked out of the Wonderbolts because of her stupid coltfriend. No. Stop. Stop, she told herself. You're just spiraling again and jumping to conclusions. It's going to be a big nothing.

If Thunderlane beat the tests, she certainly would too if it was even possible to get in your system without using. Maybe they just have to redo something or need an information update. That was a lot more likely. Rainbow tried to dwell on that positive thought as she pushed the door open to medical.

The nurse had her in an exam room immediately but still no hint of an explanation. She sat in the regular chair in the corner, doubtful that there would be another examination. Rainbow practically jumped as the door latch clicked.

“Hello, Rainbow,” greeted the doctor with a cordial but indecipherable demeanor. She stepped in with a clipboard tucked under her wing and closed the door. “Are you wondering why you're here right now?” she asked, sitting down in the other chair

“Yeah, I am actually,” she nodded slowly.

“Okay, well you’re healthy, you passed the screens but the reason we called you back is that you had a positive pregnancy test.”

Rainbow froze solid with abject terror.

The doctor’s lips continued to move as the explained but no sound was coming out.

Rainbow jawed back at her, trying to object to her claim but it felt like her throat had been paved over with cement. “I'm sorry, what?”

The doctor adjusted her glasses as if it were her natural reset button. “Because of insurance purposes, pregnant mares can not be active on the Wonderbolts team. In accordance with academy policies you have to be benched until your pregnancy ends and you can clear a new physical.”

“I'm not pregnant,” she squeaked weakly. “I- I can't be.”

“Well… your test said otherwise. If you truly think there's been a mistake, I can order your new physical right now.”

Rainbow was at a loss for words, her brain utterly paralyzed, shut down, overwhelmed like a rat buried under an avalanche buried under another avalanche. She'd lost control of everything.

The sound had evaporated again as the doctor hoofed Rainbow a brochure. Her eyes rested on it but nothing about it registered in her brain except a few arbitrary words. Crisis. Food bank. Wellness.

Unable to articulate any questions, she left the exam room with no clue what to do except prove that this was all just a horrifying mistake. She didn't show up for practice, even to spin an explanation to Thunderlane or the captain. She didn't even speak with anyone else either, simply stuffed her uniform back in the locker and fled the scene.

The part of the day between when she left the academy and found herself staring at a positive home pregnancy test simply didn't exist.

Rainbow flipped back the wall calendar on her kitchen table, doing the math in her head and trying to remember as best she could. She'd only had sex without birth control once in recent memory but that didn't mean necessarily that that was the time, she told herself. Nothing she used was a hundred percent effective after all. As she zeroed in on what had to be the week of conception, her worst fears cratered her resolve. The only below the belt action she had that week was on Rumble and Scootaloo’s date night at the Nightmare Fair.

A now too familiar sensation of falling and being swallowed up by the earth assailed her. She closed her eyes and pounded her head softly on the table. It was Rumble's. It had to be. What the hell was she supposed to do now? She was still reeling from the first round of fallout and now she was staring down the bore of a worst case scenario.

This couldn't happen. How could she even begin to explain this to anyone? Not even Rumble could know about this. She couldn't tell him he was going to have a kid. He was still just a kid himself. But what if… The foal could likely easily pass for Thunderlane's but then she'd have to tell Thunderlane that he knocked her up and then what? He'd either ditch her immediately or agree to help raise a foal that he wrongfully thought was his.

She waded into the dismal quagmire that was imagining unplanned parenthood with her coltfriend. She'd move into their house probably. Cohabitating with a new baby, their fighting would magnify three fold. She'd be a stay at home mom, out of the Wonderbolts for two or three years starting now, or maybe she'd never come back. Rumble could babysit sometimes.

She shook her head. That whole scenario seemed so wrong, to lie to him and Rumble and the foal and everyone else forever. Not only that, it was another secret that she'd have to swallow completely alone for the rest of her life.

No, none of that, none of that was an option. She couldn't be a mother, at least not now… like this.

Rainbow slid the brochure to herself. It appeared to be as general as it could get, covering all the bases from wanted pregnancies to unwanted pregnancies and all the resources in between them. Clinics, shelters, food programs, safe surrender locations and even termination.

She suddenly recalled the ambiguous language the doctor had used, ‘benched until your pregnancy ends.’

Rainbow flinched at a loud knock at the door. Only one pony knocks that unapologetically, she thought. She quickly swept the brochure under a stack of books and tossed the positive test and its packaging in the trash, shoving them deep down to the bottom.

She pulled open the door to find Thunderlane radiating heat and worry.

“Hey, why'd you ditch practice? You didn't even say bye to me.”

She looked down at his forehooves with listless shame. “I… don't feel good. You were in the middle of drills so I just went home. Sorry.”

Thunderlane walked in, allowing her to shut the door. “Drink too much last night?” he posed.

“No,” she swallowed.

He sat down on the couch with a creak. “You catch something?”

“I… I don't know. Maybe.”

Her jaw set uncomfortably. He always did this anytime anything went amiss. His natural paranoia and neediness meant he was always looking for something to be upset over.

“Did something happen?”

Those were the pointed words she didn't want to hear but knew were coming. They made her feel exposed and panicky like watching someone poke around on the spot where you hid the body.

“No,” she grunted, becoming agitated but making a point to look him in the eyes this time.

“You're acting kind of weird.”

“I told you, I don't feel good. I'm just trying to take it easy before work tonight.”

This didn't feel so much like a concerned welfare check as it did a galling interrogation.

“Okay,” he finally relented. “How is your new old job anyway?”

Rainbow shrugged “The hours are weird and it's not glamorous but I can practically do it in my sleep so I guess I can't complain too much.”

Her immediate instinct was to bring up the physical and ask him if he was finished or if he was already thoughtlessly slamming juice again but that was probably a no win scenario. She should probably give up on that; she should probably give up on a lot of things. - - -

Rainbow pushed clouds together that night to make a rainstorm on a cold front. It was bigger than the last one. As the downpour reached its peak she landed on the outskirts of town to assess her work from the ground. She looked forlornly into the darkened sky, the hush of water drops drowning out everything and sending her into a trance.

The rain was piercing cold on her skin. It felt like little needles but it did nothing to move her. It wasn't until she felt the tickle of water going from her chin to her neck that she came back out of her mind and realized how heavy her mane had become. The weather was adequate. It was to rain all night.

She flew into town, landing under the eve of the night diner where she shook like a dog and wrung out her soaked mane. Nothing to do now but sit around for another four hours with a slow coffee IV and an old adventure book to escape reality with.

She sat in the corner booth and opened her damp satchel to retrieve her reading material. She fished out the book and then noticed the brochure underneath it. Escapism first or responsibility? She needed to make a decision and have a cohesive plan and she needed to have it soon.

She was about to pull out the brochure too but instead reflexively flipped her satchel shut when she felt the waitress looming over her.

“What are you having?”

“Uh, just… coffee for now. Thanks.” - - -

Rainbow went to practice the next day but of course didn't participate. She went for Thundelane’s moral support, hoping not to have to interact with any of the rest of the Wonderbolts. She sat in the bleachers while her coltfriend and teammates did their warm up routine.

Captain Spitfire started them out but soon left the team to their own devices and flew over to Rainbow instead. She sat on the same bench only one seat apart from her.

“So… I saw your physical,” she began in a low voice, eyes still on the team.

Rainbow sighed with an exhausted sort of dread.

“Look, I know it’s none of my business but I was just wondering when I might expect you back in the lineup.”

“Wow,” Rainbow droned in annoyance. “You came over here just to ask me what my reproductive plans are?”

Spitfire rubbed her face in frustration. “No. I just… don't know how to start this conversation.”

“We don't need to have a conversation,” scoffed Rainbow, her hind leg twitching anxiously.

“Have you told the father yet?”

Rainbow glared back at her.

"I know, I know. Listen. I just thought if I knew a little about your situation, I could help you."

"Why do you think you can help me?"

Spitfire bowed her head and ran a hoof over the grooves in the aluminum bench in front of them. “Because… once upon a time, I was a newbie on the Wonderbolts in the same situation.”

The captain's words felt like a gut punch. She'd never heard anything about this before.

“Did you tell the father?” countered Rainbow, not sure if she was trying to be snarky or desperately fishing for guidance.

“I didn’t tell a soul and I regret nothing… But I’m not you and for once I'm not going to tell you what to do. You need to make the best decision for you. You don’t have to tell me shit about anything but I just thought I could make things easier."

The Wonderbolts were flying laps now. After reaching out to her with a big secret like that, Rainbow felt like she owed her an explanation but she just couldn't.

"Are you scared?”

“Yep,” she swallowed. That was one admission she felt comfortable making.

“I could be wrong here but I don’t think there’s a guy on this team that would turn tail and run, if that’s something that's worrying you.”

This was a weird conversation. Spitfire knew she was with Thunderlane but she was still making noncommittal comments about the bio dad's identity in a kind of offensive but completely correct implication that things were more complicated than they looked. But the captain's meddlesome probing also showed a tenderness that she'd never seen in her before.

“I really appreciate your concern. I just… need time to think about all this first.”

“You can’t take too long,” cautioned Spitfire. “Everyone’s going to wonder why it looks like you’re benched and you can tell them whatever you want for a while; I'll even back up your story and say you have a doctor's note if you want but obviously we have to be on the same page for that to work.”

Again, she was stricken with paralysis. There were two starkly divergent paths here: Never have to tell anyone ever and be back on the track within one to two weeks or just let it all collapse and field the balls as they came. That didn't sound like a viable option at all but… could absolute devastation maybe be liberating?

“Thanks, captain,” she whispered absently.

Been a while since I updated this story but I made myself some time and now I'm finally going to sit down and finish it before my next commission. There are probably about three chapters left to write.