"HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH THE BILLY MAYS MINUTE. I HAVE BEEN PLACED IN CHARGE OF UPDATING THE READERS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS'S WITH CURRENT CHARACTERS. LET'S GET STARTED." Billy Mays stated.

"YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS WITH FLUTTERSHY HAS BEEN MAXED OUT, AND YOU HAVE BEEN FRIENDZONED BY HER. TURNS OUT SHE LIKES LIZARD DICK. THAT SUCKS, BRO."

"YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS WITH LUNA HAS IMPROVED. SHE CONSIDERS YOU ONE OF THE ONLY LIVING BEINGS SHE CAN CALL A FRIEND. KEEP IT UP, AND SHE MIGHT THAT SPIDEY DICK!"

"YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH CHEERILEE HAS IMPROVED. KEEP IT UP, AND YOU MIGHT JUST GET THAT BOOTY."

"YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH RAINBOW DASH HAS IMPROVED DRAMATICALLY EVER SINCE YOU GOT THAT CASE OF TROLLS REMORSE. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'D PERSONALLY WANT TO HAVE A HOT, GEEKY, AND PROBABLY KINKY AS FUCK LIBRARIAN CRAVING THE DICK."

"YOUR STANDING WITH FLUFFLES IS ONLY SLIGHTLY BETTER THAN NEUTRAL. HE'S A BRO, AND HE'S YOUR SERVANT. THAT'S AS FAR AS IT GOES."

"EVERYONE ELSE IS ABOUT NEUTRAL. WANT TO MAKE IT BETTER? VOTE. REMEMBER CERTAIN CHOICES MAY CAUSE NEGATIVE EFFECTS ON OTHER RELATIONSHIPS, AS WELL AS POSITIVE ONES. CHOOSE WISELY."

"ALSO, INTRODUCING THE 60'S ERA SPIDERMAN GOES TO EQUESTRIA SEASON 1 BOXSET. IT INCLUDES EVERY SINGLE SPIDERMAN EPISODE AND WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE COMPLETE. ACT NOW AND WE'LL THROW IN THE OLD SPICE GUYS INVADE EQUESTRIA ON TOP OF IT. ALL FOR ONLY 19.95! ACT NOW!"