After a morning with nothing interesting to report, our hero found himself with Fluttershy and Fluffles watching TV on in the living room. There was a Burn Notice marathon on-

-Unf-

-And he intended on watching it.

Then, suddenly, Burn Notice turned off, and the face of some filthy noble came up on the screen. "Hello there, I'm the president of TV, and I'm here with an important message for you, the viewers."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!" Spiderman demanded.

"Child obesity rates have skyrocketed in the past. Here's a picture of one of these many obese foals."

As he said this, his face momentarily replaced by a picture of an extremely fat kid.

"I mean, look at him," the president of TV said as his face reappeared, "he's such a disgusting fat fuck. Tell me you would look at him and say, damn, that kid needs to lose some fucking weight."

"So, in the interest of forcing your fat asses to go outside and get some fucking exercise, I'm cutting all networks until obesity rates rise. Internet in Equestria has also been cut off."

Then the president was replaced by a smiley face, with the message 'go outside and get some exercise you fat fucks' displayed over the smile face.

"HOLY SHIT!" Fluttershy exclaimed.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" our hero demanded.

Fluttershy picked up the remote and started flipping through channels.

"It's all the same! What the hell- oh wait, I found some- oh, that's that stupid Oprah channel. Guess we're fucked." Fluttershy said.

"What now? Lawl." our hero asked.

"You could go read a book." his raptor companion suggested.

"I can't read lawl."

"...you just read the Poop That Took a Pee to some schoolchildren yesterday, you dipshit." Fluttershy said, glancing at our hero strangely.

Our hero held out his hands to the yellow pegasus. "What do you see in this hand?"

"Nothing." she responded.

"Huh, that's funny. I thought I had a fuck there. Oh wait! That's right! I don't give a fuck! Lawl." our hero said.

Books weren't fun. They were boring as fuck. Except for porno mags. Those were the shit. However, all this talk of reading gave our hero a great idea for what he could do till the TV returned either later in the chapter or next chapter.

The town's librarian, Rainbow Dash, was ignorant of the fact that the president of television decided to temporarily shut down every single television network. She rarely watched television. She preferred the feel of a book in her hooves and using her imagination. Besides, even if she did watch TV, she was only just getting up from another long night of reading.

With a cute yawn, she rolled out of her bed and ran into the nearby bathroom. After relieving herself, she made her way into the shower.

Flinching under the temporary torrent of freezing cold water, she smiled warmly as the water began to heat up. Her messy bed mane quickly fell to her shoulders as it gradually more and more drenched.

"I'm walking on sunshine~" she sang as she applied shampoo to her mane, "Wooooooah~"

"I'm walking on sunshine~" Twilight sang along with her as she joined the rainbow maned librarian in the shower, "Wooooooooooooooah~"

"Twilight? What are you doing?" Rainbow Dash inquired, shrinking slightly and covering herself unnecessarily.

"Saving some damn water. My military pension pays the bills." the Marine officer responded as she applied Old Spice body wash, a gift of Spidermans, to her body.

The librarian shrugged it off and awkwardly went back to showering.

"Psst... hey..." a voice whispered from above the two.

"Don't drop the soap..."

"AHH!" the two shouted in surprise and turned around to see Spiderman hanging from the ceiling.

"Hay. Lawl." he greeted.

"SPIDERMAN?! WHAT THE FUCK?!" Twilight bellowed at the Spiderman.

"Trololololol~" he sang as he swung out of the room.

"Ugh..." Rainbow Dash groaned.

"Meh. Celestia did that all the time." Twilight stated as rinsed off and got out of the shower.

After drying off and tying her mane up into a neat bun, Rainbow Dash cautiously exited the bathroom and walked towards her nightstand to grab her-

!

"Twilight?!" she called out.

"Yeah?!" she responded from downstairs.

"Have you seen my glasses?!" she inquired.

"They should be where you left them! I'm heading out! Peace!" she shouted. She heard the front door slam close seconds later.

"...laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawl..." she heard some lawl from underneath her bed.

"Spiderman...?" she asked cautiously as she peaked under the bed.

There was nothing there.

"HEY, RAINBOW DASH!" someone shouted from above.

"Huh?!" she exclaimed in surprise as she glanced up, spotting our hero hanging from the ceiling with a familiar looking run down cardboard box.

"I FOUND YOUR BOX OF COCKS!" he said as he opened it, causing a couple dozen dildos in a variety of sizes and colors to rain down on the rainbow maned pegasus.

The rainbow maned pegasus continued to stare up at our hero, before slowly turning her gaze to the sea of dildos surrounding her.

"Lawl I got you." Spiderman said.

There was no response from the light cerulean pegasus.

"Lawl. Jew mad, Rainbow Dash?" he asked.

The librarian sniffled. A single tear ran down her cheek and fell to the floor.

Suddenly, the rainbow maned pegasus bolted out of the room, crying hysterically.

"Lawl she mad." Spiderman said.

As our hero fell to the floor and casually kicked a few of the dildos around, our hero felt something unfamiliar in his heart. Something he had never felt before. It made him feel sick to his stomach.

"Aw shit... trolls remorse." our hero said.

Our hero stealthily made his way down the stairs and climbed on top of a bookcase unseen. Nearby sat Spike, whom was playing Modern Warfare 3 like a filthy casual.

"Psst... Spike..." our hero whispered.

"Huh?" he asked, pausing his game and glancing up, "Oh, hey Spiderman."

"Where's Rainbow Dash?" he asked.

"Down in the basement. I think I heard her crying. Can't be too sure, she was pretty fast."

"Lawl k." Spiderman said as climbed down from the bookcase, "and Spike?"

"Hmm?" he asked, unpausing his game and continuing to play it.

"Get off that casual shit and either get some pussy or play some Halo or Battlefield. SMH." he said as he made his way down to the basement. He slowly descended into the dark and damp basement, which was filled with ancient and dust covered computers and scientific devices.

In the farthest corner of the room sat Rainbow Dash, curled up in a ball and facing the wall, crying lightly.

Spiderman prayed to Black Jesus that she didn't turn into a witch.

Climbing up the wall, our hero positioned himself over the crying librarian and slowly but stealthily started to descend towards his oblivious prey.

However, instead of sucker punching her for being a pussy like he was originally planning to as he descended the basement stairs, he placed his palm behind her head and gently started to scratch behind her ears.

She immediately tensed up.

"Relax. I'm not going to rape you. Lawl." he said as he continued to scratch behind ears.

"Fuck off Spider-"

"FUCK YOU, I'M BATMAN!" he shouted.

"What-"

Spiderman used his spare hand to start rubbing at the pegasus's tummy.

"Stop! That tickles!" she protested, squirming under his touch.

"I don't give a fuck lawl."

After a few moments, our hero tired himself out and fell to the floor like a retard, then picked himself up and sat against the wall beside the cerulean pegasus.

"I like where this is going." our hero commented.

Rainbow Dash rolled his eyes at him. "Why are you down here?"

"I dunno lawl. Trolls remorse, I guess."

"You sure? You're sort of an asshole."

The two sat in silence for several minutes, though each passing second felt like an eternity. The only thing that could be heard was their breathing.

"I'm not getting an apology, am I?"

"Lawl no." our hero responded.

"I guess I can live with this." Rainbow Dash said with a shrug.

After a few moments, Spiderman rose from his seated position. "If you ever tell anyone about this..."

"I'll fucking kill you."

Rainbow Dash could tell he was serious, so she nodded in assent.

That night, the president of television lay in his bed, satisfied with what he had done today. Even if all that happened was outrage and several riots that resulted in dozens of deaths, Equestria would learn that what he did today was for the good of-

"Hello there, ole' chap." he heard someone say. Seconds later, he felt the barrel of a gun get pressed up against his head.

"Don't scream, or talk. Or I will kill you." he said.

"You will turn the TV networks back on, or I'll come back. And rip your dick off and feed it to your dog."

The gun's barrel was removed from the president's head and he heard the window open. He glanced up to see a dragon dressed like Batmane leering back at him.

"I kill all your guards, by the way. It's a pity you'll need to replace them. Good day." the dragon said as he jumped out of the window and landed on the roof of a nearby house.

CHOOSE YOUR PATH, PONY FUCKER!

()Go out clubbing with the talking velociraptor gentleman and Lyra

()Go chill with Discord and his bitch

()Go to the new bar in town with Twilight and get drunk

()Bake with Pinkie Pie. Acquire money and pot brownies

()Smoke weed with Luna then play some Haylo with her

()Smoke weed with Applejack and help her take down some rival dealers

()Play video games with Spike

()Teach Fluffles the meaning of friendship

()Teach Fluttershy how to french kiss THEN GET FRIENDZONED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T DO THIS FIRST

()Volunteer at a cripple pony school with Fluttershy and attempt to score

()Take the CMC and Luna skydiving. What could possibly go wrong? (CMC STORYLINE UNLOCKED)

()Teach Sex Ed at the Ponyville Schoolhouse with the help of your gentlemanly talking velociraptor companion (SCHOOLHOUSE TIER 2 UNLOCKED)