Our hero awoke to find himself in a cold, dirty cell, accompanied by a beaten and battered Fluttershy, who was sniveling in the corner, curled up a ball.

Spiderman would say it was cute, but quite honestly, he didn't give much of a fuck what was cute and what wasn't.

"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen," Spiderman sang in an unusually deep voice, which got Fluttershy's attention, causing her the peak her head up and look at our hero, "Nobody knows but Jesus..."

"Who's Jesus?" Fluttershy asked in her innocence.

"Err..." Spiderman began to answer, thinking back to his misadventures with Black Jesus.

"Charge!" Swiper the Fox exclaimed as he rushed forward, shouldering his MP5 and firing off a burst into the closest enemy diamond dog, as it attempted to blow Swiper's brains out. Two members of the 101st Pegasi Division landed beside him, shouldering their SCAR's and unloading on the diamond dogs that were surrounding them.

It was the final stand of the Equestrian forces in Manehattan, as Black Jesus, 60's Era Spiderman, and Swiper the Fox led the remnants of the 101st Pegasi Division and the 1st Lunar Marine Unit in a valiant fight against an army of griffons and diamond dogs.

Only, they were hopelessly outnumbered, outgunned, and were completely surrounded.

"What are we gonna do?!" a nearby Marine asked our hero, as they sat in a trench together.

"Lawl I dunno, and I don't give a fuck." Spiderman said, as he climbed out of the trench and swung over to where Black Jesus was, who was charging at a group of griffons with his trademark weapon in hand, a Covenant energy sword. The griffons trained their rifles on him and fired everything they could at the messiah, but, thanks to the power of Old Spice, Black Jesus was practically bullet proof. As he closed the distance, Black Jesus went to work, slicing and dicing through the enemies, until the last corpse fell to the ground in a bloodied heap.

"Lawl do it again." Spiderman commented.

Black Jesus turned towards our hero and smiled wearily. "Hello, my friend."

"Hay." our hero responded.

Black Jesus sighed and looked down the street that they were standing on, where a fierce battle was raging between a few squads of the 101st Pegasi Division and what appeared to be an entire battalion of diamond dogs. "My friend, these are trying times that we live in."

"No shit sherclop." Spiderman commented.

Black Jesus ignored our hero. "I do know we will be victorious in the end, but to win, we must get help from other sources. Spiderman, I want you to go back to Badly Animated New York City and gain the friendship of your enemies, so they will agree to help us."

"Lawl k." Spiderman said.

With a snap of his fingers, a large portal opened up in front of our hero. "Go through the portal, my friend. The fate of Equestria rests in your hands." the messiah said.

"Lawl I don't give a fuck." Spiderman said, before he swooshed into the portal.

After a few moments, Black Jesus heard someone walking up behind him. He turned around and spotted Princess Luna standing there, clad in the Equestrian military's standard uniform, carbine in hoof.

"Do you really think he'll succeed?" she asked.

"No." Black Jesus said with a sigh, "but it better if we have him out of our hair. Now come on, those dogs won't kill themselves."

"Great." the princess said, as she and Black Jesus started sprinting down the street, where the 101st Pegasi Division was awaiting some much needed backup.

"Black Jesus is the son of God. And he is my friend." Spiderman answered, as he pulled his Old Spice Champion out of his non-existent pockets and pulled off his Spidey suit's top, showing off his awe inspiring 8 pack abs. He then applied the Champion to his armpits, then drew a cross on his chest using the Old Spice.

"He taught me, as well as many others, to believe on our smelf, as well as each other and in the power of Old Spice." Spiderman went on as he threw his Spidey suit's top back on, "truly, he is the greatest man to ever exist."

"Really?" Fluttershy asked in awe.

"Lawl I dunno." Spiderman answered.

Suddenly, the door leading to the dungeon (that's what Spiderman guessed he was in; not like he gave a fuck, though) creaked open as a familiar Royal Guard walked in.

This familiar Royal Guard walked up towards the cell and smacked our hero in the face.

"What the hell?! It was HER idea... not mine!" our hero exclaimed, as Fluttershy just looked sadly up at the Guard.

"Shut up!" the Guard spat angrily, "Because of you, I've been demoted to a measly Guard."

"Wait... I know I've seen you before... you're that faggot at the Mcdonalds! Who got slapped the fuck out by Luna!"

"I'm not a faggot! I've got a wife!" Shining Armor shouted at our hero angrily.

"Lawl it's time to come out of the closet, faggot." our hero said.

Shining Armor's eye twitched as he pulled a revolver out of its holster and put it to Spiderman's head. "That's it! I'm going to fucking kill you!"

"Oh look! This faggot thinks he's tough shit!" Spiderman exclaimed.

As Shining Armor began to pull back on the trigger, he felt the gun ripped from his grasp. He looked towards the door and found a very pissed off Princess Luna standing in the doorway, aiming his gun at him.

"You're fired." she said, before putting a bullet in his head.