DETHKLOK in Equestria
Chapter 4: Lesbianklok
Previous Chapter Next ChapterDETHKLOK in Equestria
By Awesomedude17
Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna were all carrying Dethklok back to the library. Twilight decided to talk a bit.
"Thanks for helping me carry these guys back, they are heavier than they look."
"Of course, Twilight Sparkle. I did hear they were coming."
"Really Princess Luna, where?"
"Oh, um..." Luna messed up, but this was an easy mess to clean up. "I had a dream about them coming, but they were shadows in my dream."
Nathan heard shadows and slurred, "Shadow dreams, shadow dreams. Holy s***! I just got a totally metal song idea." He then fell asleep shortly afterward.
"Song?"
"They're a death metal band, Princess." Twilight tried to explain.
Luna became interested, "Death metal? What is this, 'Death Metal'?"
"Oh sister, I'll explain when we get back to Canterlot."
"Wait, Princess, You're going back?"
"Yes Twilight, even though these humans are..." Celestia saw Pickles' pants fall off his legs, revealing his underwear. "Eccentric, I have more important matters to attend to right now."
"Oh, alright Princess. I'll have the rest of the girls help me watch them."
"Very well. Oh look, we're here."
"Great, let's put them to bed and make sure they don't cause any more damage."
The two Princesses nodded and put the band in separate beds. They then went over to the center of the library, where Celestia began to talk to Twilight.
"We shall see you soon, my faithful student. But be careful."
And with a flash, the rulers of Equestria were gone. Twilight was alone with Spike and Dethklok. With a yawn, she went to bed.
I hope the girls can help me lighten my load, these guys are dangerous and incompetent.
-The Next Morning-
Skwisgaar was slowly waking up. A headache throbbed in his head and dehydration making him weary.
Ugg, the hangovers ams totally horribles, I needs aspirin.
Skwisgaar got up, and noticed that he wasn't in his luxury room in Mordhaus. He was in a library of some sort.
Where ams... oh nos. That was nots a dreams.
He fell back into bed. He was stuck in an unknown world full of talking ponies. The last thing he remembered was smashing a barstool into the head of Murderface. He was grateful that there was booze, but there would not be women. He had many strange fetishes, but he was not into bestiality at all.
"Ugg, I musts finds out where I cans finds a guitar arounds here."
Skwisgaar got up again and walked to the kitchen. He was expecting breakfast, until he saw the damages from the gas explosion last night.
"Oh, rights. Pickle."
He sat down at a table, and great timing too, Twilight just came back from the donut shop.
"Oh, Skwisgaar. I see you're up. I brought donuts."
"Thanks yous." Skwisgaar then remembered something, "Hey, where ams my guitars?"
"Oh, let me get it for you, I was keeping it safe along with the rest."
"The rest?"
"Yes, you came with a whole set of instruments."
"Huhs, weirds."
Twilight left to get the guitar, while Skwisgaar took a donut and bit into it.
"Wows, this ain'ts half-bads."
He began to eat a little more before Twilight came back with Skwisgaar's Gibson Explorer Guitar.
"Here you go."
"Thank." Skwisgaar was so happy to be reunited with his guitar. He began to do his ritual-like practices.
"You really like to play guitar, don't you?"
"Fastest guitarist alives."
Twilight smiled, but then noticed something weird, "Hey, is your guitar supposed to glow like that?"
"Like whats?" Skwisgaar looked down to see his guitar glowing a black aura. This surprised him enough to stop playing for a while.
"What just happened?"
"I don'ts know." Skwisgaar began again, causing the guitar to glow again. He was unaware that he was preforming magic, an entry level spell really, levitation. The humorous thing about it was that it was affecting Murderface. He was now floating above Nathan, more specifically, his ass above Nathan's face.
*Ptbbb~*
Nathan woke up to the smell, and...
"AHH!"
"AAHH! What the fu... holy s***! I'm floating in midair!"
"Holy s***! That's awesome, but Murderface."
"Yeah?"
Nathan proceeded to punch Murderface in the gut.
"Ahh, the hell was that for?"
"For farting in my face, f***tard."
"What ams goings on heres? Why is Murderface floatings?"
Twilight looked at Murderface, then Skwisgaar, then Murderface again. Can it be?
"Skwisgaar, stop playing for a second."
"Fines." Skwisgaar stopped, and Murderface fell on straight onto his ass.
"Ah, dammit!"
"Holy Craps! My guitars playing skill is causing peoples to floats."
"Wow!" Nathan was impressed, "That's totally brutal."
"Wow, it seems when you play music, you can cause magic." Twilight was now in full-on 'learn everything about this' mode, but they probably don't know much about this anyway.
"Wow, let me try." Nathan proceeded to sing in his trademark death growl, "I... am the cause of the end."
This made Pickles suddenly shoot up into the air and hit the roof.
"AWW F***! Whaaaaaaa... opm!" As a testament to the stupid luck Dethklok had, Pickles only got a sore body, nothing a little booze won't fix.
"Holy s***." Nathan was trying not to laugh, "My singing just launched you into the ceiling Pickles, that's f***ing hilarious."
"Aww, screw you, ya douchebag."
Toki was the last to wake up, and had the worse hangover.
"Aww, my heads."
"Toki, you're up. That's good."
"Yeah, thanks Murderface. We has crazy nights lasts night, rights? Awwwww mans..."
"Uh, yeah."
"Umm, if I may..." Twilight started off, "I'm going to get my friends now, so behave."
"Fine, no need to be a total bitch about it."
Twilight deadpanned, and simply left the five on their own.
"Wait, aren't going to get us breakfast?"
"Murderface, we've gots donut." Skwisgaar pointed out.
"Aww, f*** yeah!"
Twilight walked out the door and was met with a familiar cyan face.
"Hey Rainbow, can you get Pinkie Pie for me?"
"Why Twi? Hey that rhymes!"
"Yes it does, and we've got humans again, five of them, so get her quickly."
"What about Fluttershy and Rarity?"
"I'll get them both. Make sure to not..."
"Not to get Applejack, she is recovering. I know Twilight, I was there on every day of the Leukemia treatment."
Rainbow Dash, a very loyal pony alright. "Good to hear, get Pinkie and meet me here, okay."
"Sure!" Rainbow flew off, leaving Twilight to run off and get the other two.
Twilight had reached Fluttershy's cottage, she really needed her right now.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
A few minutes later, the door opened to reveal Fluttershy.
"Oh, hi Twilight."
"Fluttershy, there are five more humans here."
"Another five humans?"
"Yes Fluttershy, another five. I'll need you to come with me."
"Are they, umm, scary?"
"Not really, just annoying."
"Oh, okay."
"We'll get Rarity next." This made Fluttershy perk up.
"Oh sure, of course!"
"Great! Let's go!"
Rainbow was at Sugarcube Corner, looking for Pinkie Pie. It didn't take long as she found her almost immediately on the counter.
"DASHY! Are you here to buy a bunch of super, duper, luper sweets?"
"No Pinkie, there are five more humans here and Twilight needs us."
"Okie dokie lokie!"
That was easier than I expected. "Let's go!"
"Yeppers!"
And the two mares went off to the library to meet these humans.
Dethklok was just eating donuts at the table, nothing much.
"Oh man, this is the best f***ing donut I've ever eaten, in like, ever."
"Yeah Nathans, these donut are bitchin's!" Skwisgaar was using his guitar to levitate a donut to his face to take a bite out of it.
"I've been meaning to ask you Skwisgaar, how the hell are you making that donut float like that?"
"Yeah! How come I don't have anything like that?" Murderface was obviously jealous.
"I don't knows. Maybe when we plays the instruments, we makes the magics."
"Wowee! That's so cools!"
"Yeah! I knows!"
Pickles soon realized that there might be a problem, "Yeah, if that's true, then you guys at least have mobile instruments. How the hell am I going to carry my drum set around with me?"
"Well, I don't know. But I'll tell you one thing."
The rest of the band looked at Nathan.
"We can be total dicks this way. Total ass****s, and no one would know."
The band then got devious looks.
Twilight and Fluttershy were at Carousel Boutique already, so Twilight knocked on the door.
"Rarity! Rarity!"
"I'm coming Twilight!" The door opened to the white mare. She then notice Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy, Darling! What are you..."
"Rarity... five more humans."
Rarity's eyes opened at her lover's words. Five more... I hope they aren't like Nikolai, I just hope.
"Let's go!"
The other two nodded and Twilight led them to the library.
The mane six, except for a sickly Applejack, were already at the entrance of the library. Rainbow was still cautious.
"So Twilight, you think these guys want a fight?"
"Only when they're drunk."
Twilight opened the door and got a pleasant surprise, they actually behaved themselves, and Nathan was actually reading a book.
"I see you haven't caused any trouble. Good."
"Yeah, this book on this 'Discord' is brutal, he was turned to stone. That's f***ing brutal, man."
"I see that this one has a low voice."
"And you are?"
"I'm Rarity, I'm a fashion designer."
"Wow, we had hired one a few years ago, but we fired him."
"Why?"
"He was like, using human skin as a material. We were metal, but not that metal."
"Yeah, that guys ams the total dildos too."
The mares got disgusted looks, but at least these humans were smart enough to get rid of a mentally unstable man.
"Who are you?" Rarity asked.
"I ams Skwisgaar Skwigelf, checks this s***s out." Skwisgaar proceeded to preform a guitar solo, activating another spell, teleportation. He teleported to the top of the staircase.
"Wow! While I don't like the language, that was amazing!"
"Yeah, the musics here causes the magics."
"Yeah, it's totally f***ing awesome."
Twilight glared at Nathan, and said, "Right... Nathan, I'd like you to meet Rainbow Dash..."
"What's up?"
"Oh nothing, just sore from hitting the ceiling and landing on the ground." Pickles right now had low blood sugar, so he was a little irritable.
"How did..."
"Just... don't."
There came an awkward silence. Twilight decided to break it. "This is Pinkie Pie."
"Hello! Look at you, youareallmonkeymenandIwonderifyoucanbreakthefourthwalllikeme!" Pinkie squealed in joy, which Toki thought was cute.
"Wowee, thats is so cutes. But whats is the fourths wall?"
"Awww, you can't see it. Oh well!"
Twilight chuckled and shook her head, "Right, And this is Rarity and Fluttershy."
"Charmed."
"Um, hello."
"Umm, hellos." Skwisgaar was just subconsciously playing his guitar, causing magic, but it seems to just be causing a glow, not much else. "Is there anythings I would likes to know before we introduce ourself."
Rarity decided to just tell them, "Well, Fluttershy and I..." They got closer together, "Are in love." The two mares then kissed to seal that fact in concrete for the humans.
"Holy s***s! You ams the lesbian?"
"Wow, I did not see that coming." Pickles was not expecting that, but he had 'been there, done that'.
"Huh, lesbian ponies. Wow..."
The awkward silence Nathan had left behind was very... boring, so Murderface decided to talk,
"Well, I'm just gonna say this. My name is William Murderface. I'm the band's bassist."
"Band?" Rainbow wondered what music they might have played now.
"Yeah," Nathan started off, "In our world, we are a f***ing brutal death metal band, called Dethklok. We're totally famous and... stuff. I'm Nathan, by the way. Nathan Explosion. The band's frontman."
The five mares just stared at Nathan, expecting something else. Toki decided to speak up.
"Hi's, my names ams Toki Wartooth. I plays rhythms guitar."
"Nice to meetcha Toki-woki!"
"Toki-woki... pff, that's f***ing gay."
"Hey, stops being a dicks, Nathan!"
"Whatever, I'm Pickles the Drummer."
"Strange accent you got there." Rainbow pointed out.
"Who cares?"
"And Skwisgaar already introduced himself, so let's split you guys up." Twilight was ready to get rid of most of these guys.
The band expressed confusion, but Twilight assigned each human to a pony. "Okay Skwisgaar, Murderface, you two are with Fluttershy and Rarity."
"So we haves to be withs the lesbian?"
"Wow, that's... that's just, wow!"
Rarity came up to them, "Oh, pish posh. You two are going to have a fun time with us."
"Pish posh, Piss Poss!"
"I can already tell you're going to be trouble."
"Right, Toki, you're with Pinkie."
"Woohoo! Thanks Twilight! We're gonna make and eat all kinds of sweets, like cupcakes!"
"Oh, I can'ts. I haves the diabetes."
"What! Oh no. Oh well, we can still make 'em."
Toki pondered this for a few, and said, "Okays, I cans agree to this."
"Right, Rainbow."
"Yes Twi?"
"You're watching Pickles, as a matter of fact..." Twilight then cast a spell on Pickles.
"Whoa, what'd ya do to me?"
"I cast a cloudwalking spell on you."
"Cloudwalking... wait, so I can walk on clouds?"
"Yeah."
"F***ing A!"
"Oh, Pickles, you ass****!"
"I ams thinkings you ams just jealous, Murderface."
"F*** you Skwisgaar!"
"Right, Nathan, you're with me."
"Okay Twilight." Nathan had no real reason to object.
"Everyone alright with who they're with?"
There was no objections, "Great! Let's go out in our groups."
The rest agreed and the group split up into the four groups.
Meanwhile, a group of four ponies watched the humans walk away with some other ponies. This group looked at each other, and nodded. They split up, and each followed a group.
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