I woke up with a terrible stomach ache. I guess I deserved it, as I had eaten way too many stolen gems the previous night. Krug and the others had congratulated me for stealing such a big quantity and had allowed me to eat with them, as they couldn’t eat them all anyways. When we were done we were too full and sleepy to do anything, and it was already late into the night, so we decided it was time to sleep. I’m not dealing with this shit. I left the cave we were in after checking they were still sleeping, then I changed to draconequus and made the pain go away with magic. I noticed with satisfaction that my mana bar was recovering from my fight against Black assHole, which meant the dragons were a good enough source of chaos, especially if I took into account the magic I spent hiding from the pink dragoness in the volcanic clouds.

If my life was a movie, now would be the time in which there’s a montage which summarizes the days in which nothing interesting happens, like in Rocky when he trains to beat his opponent, so I’m going to do that:
I spent a week with the teen dragons. We played games which were uncannily similar to Earth ones, crushed phoenix eggs (fuck morality, it was awesome), tried to get laid (and failed, they were even worse than ME at talking to ladies (and dragoness were a bunch of prudes, so I never got a chance to score with a dragon (which makes me mad, as I had toyed with the idea of having sex with all the rational species in Equestria, ( ))))

… Fucking Screwball...

Where was I?

Oh, yes, the montage. We played, we didn’t get laid, we fought against each other for shits and giggles, we ate gems, we didn’t get laid, we slept at unusual hours, we joked, we didn’t get laid... Yeah, that pretty much sums the week up.
One afternoon, while Krug attempted yet again to hit on a certain red dragoness that he obviously had a crush on, even if (especially because) he punched us in the face if we dared to say it aloud, a group of dragons approached him (while we were totally not spying Krug and betting on how long would it be until the dragoness rejected him again). They were four black male dragons, all of them older and bigger than us. We were too far away to understand what they were saying, but it didn’t take a genius to figure things were about to get ugly. It’s time to kick dragon ass or chew bubblegum, and I’m all outta gum. After an exchange of looks and a quick nod, the four of us flew towards them to help Krug if things escalated.

“You have balls, facing us like that,” I heard one of the black dragons say as we came closer, “I respect that, so I’ll let you leave while I talk to this lady.”

“What’s going on, Krug?” I asked as we landed next to him.

“Buzz off, idiots, and take him with you” said one of the black dragons while pointing at Krug, “or else.”

They were a scary group, those four dragons. Two of them were probably twins, as they looked exactly the same. The only differences between the two aggresive looking dragons were that one of them had a scar that crossed his face, while the other lacked one of the two curved horns he was supposed to have. The twins didn’t talk at all, they just stood there, trying to intimidate us with their presence. The dragon who was doing all the talking was the biggest of them, he seemed to be at the end of his teen years and about to reach adulthood. He was twice my size, his neck was longer, but not as long as an adult’s, and his body’s build was, in general, midway between teen and adult. Oh, and he also had a ridiculous moustache, which looked really weird on his dragon face. The last dragon was the weirdest of the bunch. He wasn’t as big as the others, but he was always looking from side to side, his eyes twitching and his body spasming. His spikes were abnormally long, and his scales were slightly pointed outwards, so anyone who tried to stroke him would probably end up with a bleeding hand. He also growled from time to time and showed his uncanny shark teeth. I decided I wouldn’t like to find myself alone with that guy.

“Or else what?” asked Caedmon.

The dragon with the moustache grinned with malice as he turned to the sharkdragon (what? he kind of looked like a shark) and whispered to him.

“Rake, attack,” what kind of name is Rake? It’s like-OHSHIT!

The sharkdragon jumped on Caedmon the moment the other dragon said those words. Before we could react he was atop Caedmon, clawing and punching at his face like a rabid animal. Krug spat fire on Rake, forcing him to jump away. I turned to face the others, only for one of the twins, the one with the scar, to punch me in the stomach. The blow knocked the wind out of me, and the surprise almost returned me to my original form. I ducked just in time to dodge the hook he threw to my face, then I lunged at him. I tried to breath fire on his face while I was sitting on him, but he quickly pushed me to the ground. We rolled on the floor while trying to bite each other throat’s off, until he managed to pin me down. I breathed fire on him, forcing him to move sideways to dodge it. I pushed him in the direction he moved and managed to thrown him off of me. We both got up at the same time and began circling each other. He was bigger, his scales were tougher and he had more experience in fighting, and it showed. He barely had a scratch on him, while I sported many nasty bruises and small wounds from our struggling. I would totally exchange my moose transformation for being a black dragon instead of a brown one.
I quickly checked how the others were doing. Gehenna and Caedmon were fighting Rake at the same time, but they were losing to his brutal and vicious attacks. Brimrock was fighting the other twin, and they seemed to have reached a stalemate, as they were more or less the same size and Brimrock’s considerable strength compensated the black’s superior scales and age. Krug and moustache dragon had taken their fight to the air, and, to my surprise, I saw the dragoness fighting alongside Krug.
If only I could turn to draconequus without fucking everything up, I would wipe the floor with these idiots. I could try that thing, but I don’t want to do it without testing it in a safe environment, I am not the protagonist of a story, so the power-up that should kill me will probably kill me instead of making me win. “That thing” was an idea I had a few days after joining the dragons. I had been pondering on how to make my transformations stronger with magic, without using too much to avoid reversing to draconequus. Increasing my strength, like I did against Krug when we tail wrestled, wasn’t really effective, as I could only increase it a 25% or so before reaching the transformation limit. I had thought that maybe I could enter a “bullet time” of sorts by increasing the adrenaline in my blood or something like that, but the idea of doing weird shit to my body wasn’t very appealing, as I didn’t know the side effects I would suffer afterwards.

Alright, I’m just going to double the adrenaline levels in my blood, that shouldn’t be too much, right? Fortunately, it wasn’t too much. I took the initiative and breathed fire on my enemy, but he did the same and our flames joined in a huge ascending pillar of fire, like when you put two lighters together. He ran towards me, and he seemed to move slower than before, so I guessed the adrenaline was doing its work. I jumped and performed a flying kick, which is really easy when you have wings. Unfortunately, the legs of a teen dragon are proportionally short when compared with a human’s. So short, in fact, that my enemy’s arms were longer than my legs, so he just punched me in the scales that covered my balls. AAUAUAUAUAAGH! PAIN, A WORLD OF PAIN!!!!

I could see my opponent leaving me to help moustache dragon. I used my magic to avoid feeling as much pain as I could. That, and the adrenaline rush were enough to allow me to abandon my crouching position and get up. The twin who had beaten me fought against Krug, allowing moustache dragon to take the dragoness as a hostage. He whistled and the rest of his gang stopped fighting and joined him.

“So long suckers!” he shouted at us as they flew away, the twins taking the dragoness, who was still trying to free herself when I lost sight of them.

None of us chased them, as we were all injured and tired.

“Do you know those idiots?” I asked Krug when he landed next to us.

“The one with the stupid moustache is Morg, he was a friend of my brother until they got in a fight," he replied.

“You have a brother?” Is he going to pull a Shining Scale out of fucking nowhere, Twilight style?

“Yeah, he’s napping. We won’t be seeing him in the next ninety years so I didn’t tell you about him,” he explained. “Morg... He should be napping too, but he seems to enjoy younger girls too much. He knows he will be too big for them when he wakes up, so he’s delaying it as long as possible.”

“You mean he’s going to-” I began.

“Yes,” he interrupted me.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s beat his pedo ass!” I exclaimed.

“Yes, because that worked so well a minute ago,” he said, his tone so thick with sarcasm I could have spread it on a toast.

“So, you are going to let him cream your girlfriend’s pie? What kind of coward are you?” he frowned, so I continued talking before he decided to hit me to release his frustration. “I say we sneak into their hideout in the dark of night, we use the surprise factor to beat the shit out of them and we leave with the girl.” I didn’t care for the girl at all (what with having turned into something short of a sociopath since I am a draconequus), but I was still angry because one of them had punched me in the balls.

“You realize you are talking about beating four black dragons, who are older than us and have already proven they are stronger?” said Caedmon, who was caressing one of his wings.

“We could also bring more people. I’m sure there must be some dragons around willing to give Morg a piece of their mind.”

“I know a few guys who have been bullied by him before,” said Gehenna, “I can ask them to join us.”

“We could ask the dragoness,” said Brimrock, “they may help us to avoid being his next victims.”

“Yeah, and they will be all over us if we give Morg a lesson,” I added.

“Alright, here’s the plan,” said Krug, excited, and he proceeded to explain it to us.

A few hours of looking for people, tending to our injuries and scheduling later we were gathered in a small volcano crater relatively close to Morg’s cave. The sun was setting, and the ten of us were busy making sure everyone would do his or her job. We were an odd bunch. There was Likan, a very young and effeminate pink dragon who wanted to make Morg pay for his insults to his manliness. Morg’s ex, Emver, a black dragoness that hated him because he left her to pursue younger girls. She was also the biggest of us, just a head shorter than Morg, mainly because her neck hadn’t grown as much as his. A purple dragoness, named Spyrette, who had been captured by him and wanted to make sure he never forced another girl to do dirty things with him. A bland orange dragon whose name I don’t remember that had been beaten to near death by the twins months ago, because he “looked at them funny”. Last, but not least, was a brutally ripped red dragon, who had joined us because we promised him we would let him fight one on one against whoever he chose. He was a glorious musclebeast called Nig’Gar (yes, I know it sounds like the N word), who reminded me of the steroids pegasus from Hurricane Shy, mainly because his wings were also too small for his body. I had to resist the urge to scream “YEEEEEEEEAH!” the moment I first saw him.

Emver had quickly taken the role of leader from Krug after we convinced her to help us. She had lived for a few months in Morg’s cave, so she knew the layout and was really helpful during our planning. We put our plan into motion when the Sun was replaced by the Moon in the sky, and not a moment later to avoid increasing the chances of Shimmer or Glitter (or whatever the kidnapped dragoness’ name was) being already raped when we arrived. The orange dragon and Likan started with the distraction: throwing phoenix eggs to Morg’s cave. The thing with phoenix eggs is that they explode when you break them, acting like frag grenades for anything that wasn’t covered in dragon scales.

The twins came out of the cave and immediately tried to catch the ones who dared to disturb them, as Emver predicted they would. Our allies flew away to the place where Brimrock, Gehenna, Caedmon and Spyrette were ready to ambush the black dragons. The rest of us ran into the cave as soon as the twins left, ready to beat the shit out of Morg. We came just in time to interrupt a very disturbing scene. Rake was lying on his back on a small gem hoard. He had the dragon girl lying on his belly, and he was holding her arms with his own and her legs with his tail, with his legs crossed over her stomach. Immobilized as she was, she could do nothing to stop Morg, who was licking something shiny off of her belly. Ermahger, that is so kinky it belongs to 4chan! I could smell molten gold, so I guessed THAT was what he was pouring on her and licking off.

“MORG!!!” screamed Emver as she flew towards him, “I WILL END YOU!!!”

“The one without moustache is mine,” said Nig’Gar as we charged after Emver.

The three of them looked at us, too shocked to react. Finally, something clicked in Morg’s brain and he turned to face us. I managed not to freak out when I saw Morg’s erect dick. Fortunately, his member quickly returned to its hiding place between his lower scales, sparing my eyes from a new bleach treatment.

“Rake! Kill them!” he shouted, and Rake reacted instantly like last time, knocking the dragoness unconscious with a quick karate chop and jumping towards us while roaring.

Nig’Gar and Rake collided against each other, and soon they were fighting with brutality. I forgot about them and focused on Morg. His size became his disadvantage, as we could surround him and attack at the same time with ease. However, his scales were too hard for me, scratching and punching him was as painful and useless as hitting plate armor bare handed. I decided to change tactics and try to tank him so the others could dps him down... Did I just say that? I think I played too much World of Warcraft when I was still human. Anyways, I attacked his weak spots, trying to tear the vulnerable hide of his wings and breathing fire on his head to blind him while flying around him. I knew I was being reckless, as I would be forced to use my draconequus powers to survive if he managed to grab me.

“You are all so dead!” he shouted when his ex bit him in the leg.

He landed a lucky blow on me with the back of his hand, which broke my right wing. I crashed into the ground and quickly rolled to dodge him as he tried to stomp on my head. He forgot about me and focused on his two remaining foes. Right then I noticed a big amount of magic energy being released. I took a quick glance towards Nig’Gar and Rake as I took in as much energy as I could, and I didn’t like what I saw. OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT! Well, more like I totally freaked out. I saw Rake beating Nig’Gar’s body with his own severed head. I would have screamed like a girl, but I developed a great tolerance to fucked up shit when I spent two months in the woods before going to Ponyville (mainly because I was the one doing most of the fucked up shit back then). Thanks to that, I managed to keep my cool even if I was totally terrified. Oh shit he’s seen me! Rake dropped the severed head and ran towards me, covered in Nig’Gar’s blood and screaming like a banshee. If I try fighting him like this I’m dead. I ran away from him, trying to lure him out of the cave so I could use my draconequus powers against him where only he could see me.

“You think you can catch me?! Good luck, you idiot!” I shouted, trying to anger him so he wouldn’t focus on the rest of my team.

He caught me in the middle of the corridor that led to the exit, as he flew much faster than I ran. When I turned to face him I was already wielding my hammer.

“Surprise, motherfucker!” I shouted as I swang it, hitting him in the head. The impact was brutal, as he was flying very fast, and he was propelled backwards many meters by it. HOMERUN!

He surprised me by doing a backflip mid air and landing on all fours, then running towards me again. I tried to crush his head with the hammer, but he dodged and tried to tackle me. I was faster and teleported out of his way, turning back to draconequus at the same time. He turned around and looked at me funny for half a second before trying to kill me again. I altered his depth perception, so when he tried to slit my throat with his claws he missed, leaving himself exposed to my attacks. I hit him with the hammer on his side, and I heard a rib cracking. He seemed to feel no pain at all, as he managed to grab my hammer before I could pull it back. He pulled it away from my hands and threw it behind him, then he jumped towards me again. I teleported behind him, but he must have been expecting it as he turned mid air and flew towards me. He was too fast for me to dodge, and in a fraction of a second I was lying on my back and he was about to bite me in the neck. I breathed pepper spray on him, and he jumped back, shaking his head in pain. Dragons can withstand lava, but not pepper spray, fuck logic. I gathered energy and summoned an electric guitar.

“Prepare to suffer!” I said, and I did a metal cover of the worst song ever. Thanks to my chaos powers, I could perform the entire song without problems even though I had never played a guitar before in my life and I didn’t know the lyrics.

“
<Insert shitty lyrics here>
baby, baby, baby, oh
Like baby, baby, baby, no
<Insert more shitty lyrics here>
”

Rake had been rolling on the floor in agony since I started playing the song, if that can be called a song at all. Around the fifth “baby baby baby oh” he had left the cave, yelping like a dog. I vomited pure liquid faggotry (no, it wasn’t rainbow colored) all over the place as soon as I finished the song so I wouldn’t become a woman or a belieber or something like that. I turned to dragon as soon as I stopped puking and returned to the place where the others were fighting. Oh shit my wing, it hurts! I will just heal it and say Morg didn’t break it when he hit me.
I found Morg lying on the floor and trying to cover his head with his arms while Emver and Krug kicked him. They must have been at it for some time before I arrived, as Morg was very battered and half-unconscious.

“Guys,” I called them, but they didn’t react, “guys, guys! GUYS!”

“What?!” they both said, not bothering to look at me.

“While you were having fun beating his ass, I had to face the psycho that killed Nig’Gar by myself! Not cool!”

“Oh shit!” Krug said, panicking, “where is he?”

“He’s gone, I was running away from him and suddenly he panicked and left the cave for no reason.”

“That dragon is crazy as fuck, I hope he left for good,” said Krug with relief, “can you fly?”

“I think so.”

“Then go find the others. I don’t want them to be surprised by Rake or something.”

“Try to leave something for the rest of us,” I said, pointing at Morg.

As I flew towards the place where the rest of our group should have ambushed the twins, I realized all the dragons I had met had something seriously wrong with their minds, by humans’ standards. What made it ironic was that I was also seriously fucked up in the head, as I had thought it was normal to have your chick kidnapped by a rapist, gather a gang to go to his house and beat the shit out of him, having one of your guys killed by a crazy dragon, and all the shit that would happen afterwards. I thought Equestria was a place full of happiness and peace (and lesbianism), not a shithole full of sociopaths! I decided I should leave as soon as I could, and maybe return to Ponyville to face Screwball once and for all. I had been putting that off because I was sure I was less powerful than her, but for all I knew her powers could be growing faster than mine in Ponyville, with all the chaos and shit that always happens in that place.
I found the rest of the team soon enough, and was relieved to find that none of them had been harmed. Even the twins were just a bit bruised.

“Everything alright?” I asked as I landed next to them.

“Yeah, those two gave up when they noticed we outnumbered them,” said Caedmon, “what are you doing here?”

“Krug and Emver have beaten Morg, they are waiting for us in the cave. Rake killed Nig’Gar and fled, so we should hurry or he might come back and give them trouble.”

“That’s ridiculous”, said the scarred twin, “Rake never leaves Morg’s side!”

“Then we must hurry before he comes back and gives them trouble!” said the pink dragon, and we all flew towards the cave, making sure the twins were always surrounded so they wouldn’t try to escape.

The twin with the scar had overestimated Rake’s loyalty, so we found Krug and Emver exactly where I left them, the only difference was that they were no longer kicking Morg.

“Wow cousin, you gave him a serious beating,” commented the non-scarred twin.

“Cousin?” I asked. Is that a slang term or something?

“I should beat you two, too,” muttered Emver, “really! Why in Tartarus would you stay with him after we broke up?!”

“We tried to leave, but he told Rake to attack us!” said the scarred one.

“That freak was just too strong for us,” said the other twin, “he broke my horn and scarred him before Morg ordered him to stop. He said he wouldn’t stop Rake if we tried to betray him again.”

“Do you believe them?” Krug asked Emver.

“Yeah, it sounds like something Morg would do,” she answered after a few seconds of hesitation, “I think my cousins deserve a second chance, don’t you agree?”

What she really meant was: “If any of you does not agree, I will rip his entrails out with my bare claws, understood?”, so we all agreed. Even the orange dragon, who had joined us only to take revenge on the twins, had to resign himself to let them go free.

“Is Spyrette alright?” I asked, as she was still unconscious atop the small hoard.

“Who?” asked Krug, and after a moment something clicked in his mind, “oh shit! I forgot about her!”

The rest of us, save for the two unconscious dragons and the dead one, facepalmed.

Author's Notes:

So yeah I removed the lyrics just in case. I like to play by the rules and all of that.