Morg might have been cruel, a pedophile and a rapist, but I don’t think he deserved what Emver, Krug and everyone else did to him that night. I think no one deserves such treatment (well, maybe Justin Bieber (and Black Hole!)). I felt sick after the first minutes of torture, so I offered myself to watch over the entrance just in case Rake came back, but even there I could hear Morg’s cries of pain. Fuck them, and fuck their fucked up shit. I’m leaving! It was too much for me, so I flew away, not bothering to look back.
Beating someone was fine with me. Heck, killing someone for a good reason was OK to me! But torturing someone until killing him? That’s too much (now that I think of it, I didn’t stay to see him die so he may be still alive, but I doubt it). I had spent a week with Krug and the others, and they had never displayed such violence. It was disproportionated and evil, so much I decided I didn’t want to have anything to do with dragons anymore.

After a few minutes of flying in a straight line I began thinking about what to do next. What do I do now? I don’t want to infiltrate another diamond dog settlement, they are kind of boring. Dragons are dangerous and cruel and I don’t want to be near them anymore... I think it’s time to face Screwball. Maybe I can convince the mane six to help me if I play my cards right... Yes, that might work. I could say I am a good draconequus that wants to undo all the evils Discord has done, and that I’ve found a pony corrupted by him. We beat her, then I say I want to meet Celestia so I can ask her to let me check that Discord is really trapped. Then I ask her to send me back to Earth because I am a human! Alright, where was Ponyville?

I decided to fly South until I returned to Equestria after a few seconds of indecision, hoping to find Ponyville afterwards. I soared above the volcanic clouds for hours, lost in my own thoughts. I could see the end of the badlands in the distance when I heard another set of wings flapping behind me. I turned back and my jaw hit the floor. Yes, it hit the floor while I was flying, like, 4000 meters above it. Shit, it’s her again! The adult pink dragoness whose hoard I had stolen had somehow found me, and she was chasing me with an evil smirk. She was much faster than me, what with being 10 times my size.

“You are dead!” she shouted.

“Leave me alone, bitch!” I shouted back at her.

I’m not dealing with this shit today, I told myself, and I changed to draconequus. Then I made a jetpack appear on my back and it propelled me way faster than the dragoness. I can’t believe it’s working, this is stupid. The jetpack made me fly so fast the wind was making my lips cover my eyes and my tree arm leave a trail of leaves behind me. I could hear her cries of frustration growing weaker as the distance between us increased, until I heard the jetpack make many weird noises. My own device betrayed me, and suddenly it was propelling me in random directions as the silly noises continued.

“Oh come on!” I shouted. Fucking chaos magic, why don’t you work?

My mental rant continued for the next ten minutes, in which I discarded the jetpack and flew as fast as I could until the dragoness grabbed me by the tail with one of her claws. I made a not so masculine “eep!” sound when she caught me, but in my defense I’ll say it feels weird when someone pulls your tail.

“Can we talk about it over a cup of tea and some biscuits?” I asked as she grabbed my body with her spare claw.

“Do you even know how many tea bags would you need for someone my size? Killing you will be easier and faster.”

“You have a point, but I don’t want to die.” I need to hurt her somehow so she can’t chase me again... But dragon scales are so hard! I would need, like, adamantium to really harm her! Wait, adamantium...

I raised my right arm, which hadn’t been trapped under her grip, and I turned it into a chainsaw. This is awesome. An adamantium chainsaw. This is the most awesomest thing ever in the history of everything! I brought it down on her thumb, and it managed to reach the bone before she released me. Ignoring her cries of pain and rage, I tried to do the vacuum thing that Drogur had used to kill that green dragon who attacked the den, but soon I discovered I couldn’t do it. It was like trying to stop a river with my hands: the air went around my magic barrier, and I never managed to make it airtight. I’m sure an unicorn could do it, fucking chaos magic, why you so imprecise? I gave up trying to suffocate her, and decided to damage her wings so she couldn’t fly. I tricked her into seeing me trying to harm her right wing while I went after her left one. I opened a huge tear in her wing and flew away, dodging her flailing limbs and fire breath while making a woop woop woop noise (what?! I was under stress and I probably have some lobster DNA in this eldritch amalgam of creatures I call my body). Oh shit, my magic! I quickly returned my right arm to its normal state, but I had already consumed a huge amount of magic. Turning my flesh into a complex mechanism made of an indestructible material had burned my mana reserves faster than anything I had done before. I have wasted in a few seconds the chaos I gained after a week working with the slaves in the mines, AAARGH!

An hour later, I finally went out of the dragon lands and I found myself in a cold land covered in snow. There was a snowstorm so powerful I couldn’t fly safely, so I landed and began walking.

“Wait, how come the volcanic and hot land is next to the snowy and frozen land?” I asked aloud, “this is stupid.”

My draconequus body was ill-suited to low temperatures, what with being neither hot-blooded nor cold-blooded. My dragon body wouldn’t freeze due to the inner fire magic whatever, but I felt like freezing anyways, so I changed to moose (at last!) and continued walking South. So much snow... Is it Christmas or something? Hm... I’ve been like three months in Equestria, and I came here on October... Yeah, close enough, it’s not like seasons happen simultaneously on both places, right? I should have an impromptu song, it will be chaotic enough to compensate that I am just walking. Something related to the snow and shit... Yeah, that will do the trick.

“Oh the weather outside is freaking cold
and I forgot the lyrics of this fucking song,
And since I've no place to go
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!"

I kept singing my masterpiece, whose lyrics I don't really care about so it's not like I'm going to sing them now. The thing is, I was near the end when...

"But as long as you love me so
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAVES!”

Wait, what?! I turned back and saw a huge living shadow surrounding me.

“Black Hole? I thought I killed you last time!” I exclaimed, “wait... You are not Black Hole...”

I saw a pair of green eyes appear in the shadows, which emitted a trail of purple smoke.

“What are you?” I asked, trying not to sound as scared as I was.

The shadows around the eyes formed a fanged black face and a red curved horn. Wait, I have seen that face on Derpibooru, it’s...

“King Sombra? I have run into the third season’s villain?” I asked myself. Shit! If he’s nearly as strong as Nightmare Moon or Discord I’m a goner.

King Sombra growled menacingly as his shadows surrounded me.

“Your majesty, I don’t want to fight you. Let me go, fighting will be a waste of time for both of us,” I said as I turned to draconequus, “I’m sure you have a lot of evil plans in your agenda, and so do I. Let’s ignore each other, OK?”

He disregarded my arguments and threw himself at me from all sides. I created a magical barrier in the last second to protect myself, but I knew it wouldn’t last long when I noticed how much it took to maintain it under his assault. This is the worst time to have critically low levels of mana.

“You want things the hard way? ALRIGHT, YOU ARE JUST A BAD OC MADE CANON ANYWAYS!”

I teleported out of the shadow circle, but his magic somehow reverted my spell, teleporting me back to my original location. I roared in anger and breathed fire on him, but his shadowy body just moved around my flames without taking any damage. Then I tried to attack him physically, but when my left arm touched the shadows I felt a cold pain and something like black crystals grew over it. The black crystal seemed to block magic, so I couldn’t cast spells with (or on) my left hand. I found an opening and left the circle of shadows. Alright, he’s made of shadows. How can I hurt him? Shadows... Does that count as Ghost type or Dark type? Fucking Pokemons... Fighting is super effective against Dark and has no effect on Ghost. Hitting him had no effect, so he’s Ghost type... Ghost and Dark are super-effective against Ghost... How the fuck do I attack him like that?
I remembered that licking someone was a Ghost-type attack in Pokemon, so I tried licking him. I should have thought it twice before doing it, because as soon as my tongue touched the shadows it was covered in those dark crystals and I couldn’t talk or close my mouth anymore.

I tried to shout “die faggot!”, but the crystal turned it into “dgl fglg”, then I tried to attack him with black fire, but it didn’t work, either. Note to self: stop trying to apply Pokemon logic. Also, making the fire black with magic doesn’t give it special properties; giving it special properties with magic makes it black like the one Black Hole used... I decided to try a light spell, and run like a coward if that didn’t work. I hope holy magic and light magic are the same, I don’t even know how to cast a sanctus spell or anything like that. I surrounded by right hand’s index finger in light and released it as a beam. He just dodged it like he did with the fire so I flew away from him, forcing him to stay back with my free hand by attacking the tendrils of darkness that came from his body and tried to touch me. That worked for a while, but my magic reserves would disappear soon, and then I would be at his mercy. He seemed to reach the same conclusion, as his body started to send more and more tendrils of darkness towards me. One of them managed to touch my left wing and cover it with dark crystals, rendering it useless and forcing me to land and run. I tried to turn into a cheetah, only to feel a terrible pain coming from the parts covered by the dark crystals. My main body is very bad at running, so Sombra surrounded me again after a few seconds.

Well, universe. You hate me, and I hate you, but you owe me one for all the times you’ve screwed up with me. Save me now and I will forgive you for making the pink dragoness AND King Sombra find and attack me today.

I am seriously considering that the universe is sentient and can hear me since that moment, because just after I finished thinking that a barrage of pink beams made an opening in Sombra’s body, which I quickly crossed. Then I found myself face to face with a white coated and blue maned unicorn that wore a black scarf and some sort of black snow goggles that covered his eyes.

“What in Tartarus?! A mad ruler is enough! I don’t need a crazy draconequus in the mix!” he exclaimed when he saw me.

I couldn’t talk with the dark crystals covering my tongue, so I fired another light beam towards Sombra. Then I tried to tell the unicorn with a series of gestures that we should team up to beat Sombra, while hoping ponies knew the saying “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”. He seemed to know it, as he created a pink barrier around us that Sombra couldn’t cross.

“The barrier won’t last long, show me I can trust you right now or I’ll kick you out and escape while Sombra is busy with you,” he said, trying not to sound strained as Sombra tried to break the barrier.

“Flglgl mgfmmfm,” I mumbled, pointing at the crystals that didn’t let me talk.

“I don’t know how to break those crystals, you’ll have to do something else,” he replied.

If I can’t use my tongue, you idiot, how am I supposed to... Fuck you brain, that is an awful idea. I was sure it was indeed an awful idea, but I did it nevertheless. I poked my tongue out until all the crystals were out of my mouth, then I bit it off. The pain was so much I feared I would pass out, but I managed to use my mind manipulation powers on myself to make me ignore the pain just in time. I grew a new tongue immediately after, spending almost all the energy I still had. The fact that the unicorn didn’t release any chaos energy didn’t help. How can anyone think that biting my own tongue off is normal?!

“Thanks goodness that worked,” I said with my new, crystal free tongue, “you saved me from that thing! My hero!” I added, then I tried to kiss him. He pushed my face away with a hoof, but at least I gained some chaos energy from his reaction. Well, he’s not some kind of robot pony.

“Stay away, monster!”

“Dude, there’s a huge shadow pony thing out there trying to kill us. I am not the monster here. My name is Havoc, who are you?”

“I’m Shining Armor, and I still don’t trust you.” Oh God Shining Armor! What are the chances of this happening?!

“There’s no time to build our mutual trust, Shining,” I said when I overcame the initial shock. “I know why you fear me, Discord has managed to give us a terrible reputation, but he’s just one bad apple. I am not like him at all. Believe me or not, I don’t care; I’m injured, tired and scared, so let’s focus on surviving. Do you know how to escape from that thing?”

“The Crystal Empire is protected by a barrier that keeps Sombra out, you should go there,” he said, then he pointed to a blue magic dome in the distance that I hadn’t noticed before. “I need to go somewhere else. If we split up he’ll be forced to follow one of us, and the other will have more chances of survival.”

“Alright. Have you tried illusion spells against him? Maybe I can trick him into following a fake copy of us.”

“I don’t think that will work. Sombra is a very powerful being, but try it if you think-” he stopped when Sombra collided again against his barrier, “I can’t hold it anymore! We run to the count of three! One! Two! Three!”

We ran as fast as we could. I tried to manipulate Sombra’s senses, but I found an unbreakable magic barrier that didn’t let me enter his mind. I had never tried an illusion spell before, as I had always relied on mind manipulation. Due to that, I decided to save my last reserves of energy instead of wasting them on a spell I had yet to master (and by mastering I mean doing it once or twice just to check that it works, how much energy it takes and how specific do I have to be for the illusion to look realistic). I managed to cross most of the distance to the blue barrier in a few seconds, too focused on sprinting without tripping to check on Sombra. I was just a few meters away from the barrier when a huge dark crystal blocked the way. I tried to surround it, but I slipped on the ice and hit the crystal sideways. I looked up and found Sombra’s face just above me. He laughed as he used his magic to stick me to the crystal with my limbs spread. Then the crystals grew like shackles around my seven limbs and my neck, binding me to the big crystal. I struggled against the crystals with all my strenght, but my efforts were fruitless. I could only stare as Sombra’s head descended upon me with a dark grin.

“Wait! Are you sure we can’t talk about it over a cup of tea and some biscuits?!” I asked for the second time in that day. Sombra stopped and looked pensive for a few seconds. He’s actually considering it? I can’t believe he’s considering it.

“Wait here,” he growled at me, then he left.

Wat

“Did he just make a joke?” I asked aloud a minute later, when my mind started working again.

I spent the next ten or so minutes struggling against the crystal while the snow covered me, but it was too strong for me. Only when the snow reached my waist did I realize I was freezing. I managed to keep myself warm with my magic, but that would only work until I emptied my mana reserves, which would happen in a few minutes. I was beginning to consider the viability of using all the magic I still had to blow up my own head and have a quick death when I saw the mane six, Spike and Shining Armor running away from King Sombra. Run you fools! Oh my God, they are so cute, even when they are scared shitless. I watched with interest as Sombra chased them, and I realized he would surround them before they reached the barrier. It was an odd feeling, watching them as if I was watching an episode from the show but being there in person at the same time. I forgot about how dire my situation was as I watched how Shining Armor turned to face Sombra, attacking him with his pink magic and giving his sister and friends enough time to cross the barrier. Now Shining will be saved somehow, because this is a show for little girl and characters can’t die. Sombra’s body surrounded Shining. Yes, any second now... A few crystals grew over the unicorn’s horn, blocking his magic. Uh... Wait, DOES Shining appear in season’s 3 episode 1 at all? … I shouldn’t have filtered out those spoiler images on Derpibooru, for all I know neither he nor Cadance appear again in the series because he dies here and now. I can’t let that happen, he’s Twilight’s bro! I managed to focus all the magic the mana restriction allowed me to use and shoved Shining into the barrier with it. Ha! Take that Meghan McCarthy! I have changed the canon! Hahahahahahaha! Sombra frowned and turned his head to face me. Haha... Ha... Ha... My laugh slowly turned into a scared face. I’m going to die. AGAIN. King Sombra’s dark form surrounded me, and I abandoned all hope of getting out of that situation alive.

“I regret nothing!” I screamed as his head flew towards me.

I had the silly idea of staring at him until he killed me, but I chickened out and closed my eyes in the last second. That last second seemed to be way longer than usual, so I opened my left eye and found Sombra staring into the distance. What is going on?

“I am going on,” said a female voice in my head, which I recognized as Shay Nimrod’s voice.

A female draconequus appeared between Sombra and me. Her body build was just like Discord’s, but that was where the similarities ended. Her long and flexible body was covered in scales, each scale of a different color, and she had a dolphin’s tail. She had a yellow monkey’s left arm, (if monkeys had eight fingers on each hand) and a black right arm that looked just like those of a xenomorph (you know, the aliens in Aliens). Her left leg was made of living lava partially covered by stones, and her right leg was a camel’s leg. She had two dragonfly left wings and a grey feathered right wing that looked like those of a vulture. Her head was vaguely pony-like, like Discord’s and mine, but her muzzle was much shorter and her facial features were more delicate and feminine. Her face’s fur was a light blue, but her eyes were red with yellow sclera like Discord’s. She had a ram’s horn and an orange horn that was shaped like a sickle pointed upwards and that reminded me of Homestuck’s trolls and the URSS at the same time.

Both her and Sombra seemed to be in the middle of a telepathic argument, so I stood still like a good pet until they finished. I didn’t have to wait for long, as Shay soon turned around to face me while Sombra left to do... Whatever that guy did when there was nothing to attack.

“You disappoint me,” she said, frowning. Her voice was regal and powerful.

”I have gifted you with enough power to rival the gods, and what do you do? You hide yourself, either avoiding society or with transformations. You avoid battles, and when you DO fight you use your inferior human reason to wield MY chaos with HARMONY and ORDER,” she basically spat those words. “Credits were its due, sometimes you come up with interesting uses for your powers, but the only fight you fought like a real draconequus was against a madmare and you LOST. Your only goal seems to be going back to your homeworld, and the occasional sex with females of any species you come across. I should strip you of the power to change forms to force you to act, but your incompetence would get you killed without them. I thought you would be the kind of human that only questions why he is in Equestria for a few days before assuming it and enjoying the benefits of his new situation, but it seems I was wrong. Your mind still screams “someone explain this to me!”. I’m going to explain everything to you, and I’m going to do it with a song from a G rated human movie, as if this was one of those awful fanfictions you read instead of your life.”

‘Wat.’

“Now my dark purpose will be fulfilled and the last of my enemies will DIE!”

Why is she singing with a dude’s voice?!

“In the dark of the night I was tossing and turning
And the nightmare I had was as bad as can be --

She managed to make the voice of the lead singer and the chorus all by herself somehow. She also must have spent a lot of time working on that song, because the adaptation to her situation was flawless. She even managed to keep the rhymes! From what I understood at the time, Discord and some other draconequus which she called "newborns" had betrayed her and taken away her power, but she had managed to take revenge on all of them save for Discord. When the song was near its end, she broke the dark crystal with a snap of her fingers and levitated me in front of her.

“Come my minion,
Rise for your master,
Let your chaos shine!
Find him now,
Yes, fly ever faster

In the dark of the night...
In the dark of the night...
In the dark of the night...

He'll be mine!”

I waited for a few seconds, just in case the song wasn’t finished yet or she wanted to start another one.

"Eh... Alright... Discord betrayed you and you want revenge, that I understand. But what does it have to do with me? You sang about me finding him, you do know he is posing as a statue in Canterlot, right? Also, why did you protect me from Sombra?”

“Alright, the song didn’t explain what I really need you to know. Listen to me, I am a player in a game of gods, and you are my piece. Your goal is to make me win the game, but I can’t guide you or tell you what to do. I can only give you very basic advice: don’t die, be more chaotic, stop trying to find a way back Earth and be wary of any other piece you may encounter. They are humans like you, many are so powerful it’s stupid and some of them won’t mind killing you to satisfy their gods. Regarding your return to Earth: it’s impossible. I killed you myself, then we threw your corpse in the middle of the sea and wrote a fake suicide note. If you try to return there by the same means you came here, your soul won’t have a body waiting for her and will be forever lost in the void between the dimensions. Now win this game or I’ll take your soul for myself and punish you until the end of time.”

“... Can I have a mental breakdown now and ask questions later?”

Loading fitofrage.exe
10%

“I can’t stay here anymore, there are rules I have to follow to play this game, but here’s my number, so call me maybe,” she said as she gave me an Iphone that only had a big button where the screen should be. “Drink this, too. I don’t want you to freeze,” she added before disappearing with a loud CRACK, leaving a can of coke behind her.

40%

I walked towards the barrier while drinking from the can, which was filled with hot soup. I don’t remember how it tasted, but it increased my magic reserves to the levels I had before facing Sombra. When I tried to cross the barrier it didn’t let me pass, but at least I had one arm in front of me so I didn’t hit it with the face.

80%

“That’s racist,” I muttered, then I took a last sip from the can.

100%

I crushed the can and threw it to the barrier, it crossed without problems.

“FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR BARRIER, FUCK SHAY’S PAST, FUCK DISCORD, FUCK THE GAME, FUCK SOMBRA, FUCK LAUREN FAUST, FUCK EVERYTHING!”

I banged my fists against the force field while I kept on cursing everything I could think of. Most of what Shay had told me were either bad or terrible news, so I guess it’s understandable that I lost my temper. When I finally cooled down, I drew a huge pony dick on the snow while trying to puts my thoughts in order and make a list of questions for Shay. Then I remembered what she said about being more chaotic and decided to just phone her, so I pressed the button on the fake Iphone.

“Hello?” said a male voice with a British accent a few seconds later.

“This is Havoc, is Shay home?” I had a feeling that I had to play along or I would never get my answers.

“Hold the line,” he said, then I heard him shouting in some weird guttural language. I could hear another voice replying in another unknown language that sounded like someone was having seizures.

“Havoc?” Shay asked after a minute.

"Yes, I feel better now. Are you going to answer my questions?"

“Alright, shoot. I have recently decided that being secretive and mysterious is too common and boring, so I’ll tell you all I can. I might change my mind later, like in ten minutes or so, you know how chaos works, so take this chance.”

“First, what’s your real name? You called yourself Disharmony in that song.”

“That’s my real name. Shay Nimrod is an anagram, just in case you haven’t realized it yet.”

“Alright... You said you can’t help me win the game, so why did you save me from Sombra?”

“That pony is another player. Players can’t kill pieces. That is why I could intervene. But be careful, he can't kill you but he can and will make your life harder if you bother him.”

“Why don’t I have a dick in my draconequus body? I miss it sometimes.”

“Draconequi minor aren’t an animal race, your body is a magical construct created by me. Like a golem, made of flesh and magic. Due to that, completely depleting your magic will turn you off like any machine, but you are similar enough to living beings to die permanently if that happens. The answer to your question is that in your real body you have complete control over your magic, and you can modify your nervous system either to multiply the amount of pleasure you gain from orgasm so much your brain will fry itself or to make that pleasure last for as long as you want. All the draconequi minor with the capacity of having orgasms end up killing themselves shortly after they discover that. No exceptions. That is why I created you without a built-in self destruction system.”

“You do real-”

“Yes,” she interrupted me, “I do realize you are going to change into another form and test how much you can enhance your orgasm with your limited access to your magic. I would love to see that: a fight between the terrible cold out there and your raging lust. Next question.”

“Is Rainbow Dash a lesbian?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. I have decided to steer clear of the Elements of Harmony. You know, Disharmony, Harmony, we aren’t compatible at all.”

“Is there a limit to how much energy I can store in my body?”

“No, but interesting things will happen if you have too much chaos in yourself.”

“Like what?”

“Like ANYTHING. That’s what chaos does.”

“... Wait, you said you created me without a dick. Isn’t that a plan, and thus something not chaotic?”

“That’s not how this works. If I had to explain real chaos to you, it would take me ten times your human lifespan.”

“Really?”

“No, it would take 5 minutes of direct mental communication between us and your mortal mind couldn’t comprehend most of it. Follow your instinct and you will be chaotic enough. Really, I designed your instinct myself, I know what I am talking about.”

“What’s the deal with Screwball?”

“She’s more similar to you than you may think, even if she’s not a piece. I can’t tell you more without getting angry stares from the other gods.”

“I want to know more about your species. Are you gods or something like that?”

“There’s not much to say. We live in the void between the universes, from where we can access to all of them. Most of us are happy spending our eternal lives watching the universes and feeding from them. However, some of us, like D̡̛i͜s͟c̵̀ò͜r̕͘d, prefer to take an active role. You could say we are gods. We have no culture, no language, we aren’t a nation, all those things are for lesser beings. We are born in chaos and rejoice in it. I don’t feel poetic right now, ask something else.”

“What happened between you and Discord?”

“Oh, can you hear that? It’s the sound of your phone turning into a chicken. You’ll see me again.”

Then the phone turned into a chicken.

“Scootaloo!” it shouted, then it jumped out of my hand and crossed the magic barrier.

“... That joke stopped being funny a long time ago.”

Author's Notes:

Some people write more during holidays. I don't :-/

I think I need to stop putting so many links in the chapters.