A/N: For continuity's sake, this takes place after Vinyl Crosses Abbey Road (if I ever finish it, because I'm at a complete writer's block right now in terms of that). So here's a parody of a little gem I found.

It was actually kind of a shock. Rarity was a changeling and wasn't feeling any kind of shock and/or horror towards it. It was almost like this was a clopf- oh wait.

So, instead of going to try and find help or wondering what caused it, the white-mare who always looked light brown in her own damn house continued to cycle through her various disguises. It was simple: Just think of a pony and BOOM, there you were. They were perfect, except for the occasional moment where she forgot an eye... Or a pancreas... Or that one disguise when she couldn't face right.

And sure, she could have panicked, but, as she returned to her normal self (as normal as Lil' Miss Sadistic Rarity could be), she had a much bigger thought on hand... Er, hoof...

Who was she gonna bang first? Yeah, you read that right. Somewhere, in the vast and weird reaches of My Little Pony fanwork, Kinky Pie is very confused by Rarity's new goal.

"Hello, anypony home? Sweetie kicked me out and I REALLY need to use the bathroom!"

"I don't have a bathroom, FRIEND, but you can come in anyways..."

Rarity nodded and quickly came in. Twilight was reading through a book Rainbow had accidentally left behind that last time she was there.

"Wow, I can really see why this is stupid," Twilight said to herself. She looked up and saw Rarity. "Oh, hey Rarity, my FRIEND, I didn't recognize you until I saw you."

"Of course," Rarity mumbled with an eye roll. She followed this by asking, "Hey, darling, is Spike here? Considering how I'm always paired with him-"

"Actually," Twilight butted in, "FRIEND, Spike went to Pinkie's for some odd reason. She said her oven is on the fritz. But knocking her, Spike's probably DEAD..." and she went into a deranged ramble.

Only barely listening, Rarity went in a little further and quickly used her magic to lock the door.

Twilight jerked her head up. "Y u lok dor?" she enquired. Her eye twitched (no relevance).

"What me?" Rarity asked, blinking innocently and stepping back slightly. "But I can't tell you anyways, it's confidential."

"Confidential my purple flank..." Twilight muttered. She MAGICKED a drink over and drank from it.

"Anyways, how is you sex life?"

There was water and saliva covering the floor.

"WHAT?" Twilight exclaimed.

"It was just a question!" Rarity said quickly. "Just... what would be your perfect stallion... No deeper meaning, just wondering... In full detail please. Height, weight, age, year of birth, nationality, if he can face right, etc."

"W-well, since you asked..." Twilight stammered, starting to file away some fanfiction. "I-I never really though about it... Seeing as how my FRIENDSHIP is more important... But anypony who's smart, I-I guess. Maybe somepony who cares about FRIENDSHIP as much as I do... Somepony who likes BDSM- Wait, that's Fluttershy."

Fluttershy likes BDSM? Well, I already knew that... Mmm... Rarity thought about the moment where that BDSM thing was brought into their minds and laughed and shuddered at the same time.

"Yeah, that was a weird day..." Twilight commented. "Especially with the rubber band..."

"Agreed!" Rarity, guess what, agreed in a singsong voice. "But I also meant physically. What about physically? All I care about is the physics, even though we seem to lack it sometimes!"

Twilight looked around, dropping a copy of My Little Dashie into the trash back accident. "What's g-going on, Rarity? W-w-why are you a-asking t-this?"

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to sell you anything you wouldn't want," Rarity quoted in reply. "I'm just a questionnaire..."

"What?"

"You shouldn't care," Rarity said. She drew in a long, long, long breath and then continued, "I just wanna know... Say, for, example a random fancharacter... MALE, mind you... Comes in, what does he look like? Asks for sex? HARD sex? LONG, hard, DIRTY sex? Sex The Room would be ashamed to have? Tell me, does he look like Pinkie Pie with Celestia mane?"

Twilight quickly looked around and tried very hard to push all sexual fantasies and/or/maybe a fetish(s) out her mind. She got a blush so hard, it made Mario look grey by comparison. And, of course, she continued to stammer some more: "W-well, I-I... I'm more concerned about FRIENDSHIP. I never spent any time thinking about that... And about P-Pinkie, NO! J... Just no!"

"Oh thank Luna... For a second there, I thought you were WEIRD..." Rarity breathed a sigh of relief. "But, back to the topic, maybe that fancharacter looks like your brother? The big, strong, powerful, no-d!ck type? Are you incest? Long, hard, dirty incest? If you really like the fanart-

"Rarity, how much acid did you take? NO I've never thought about my brother like that! Well, not in public anyways..."

"..."

"Sometimes..."

"...3, 2, 1..."

"Whenever I pass by that one bench where somepony carved his name into it."

"I thought so. Ooo! Ooo! What if he looks like some kind of hybrid of Slash and Flea? An awesome top hat, some nice bling and maybe he acts nice... Knowing what I've read in your fanfiction archives... Oh my! And he still has no d!ck. But, hey, he has a top hat."

"A top hat!? Well, now that you mention it..."

"Shut up, I'm still speaking. Hmm... Or what if, just maybe, he was kind of a mixture of both? Like, y'know, Big Mac with a top hat? I've heard a lot OCs go after him... But not as many as Rainbow Dash."

"Why her?"

"I dunno. She's blind, so it doesn't matter."

"Look, I don't know why, people consider her ga- Whaaaaaa?" Twilight finally turned around (yes she never turned around once, go figure) and saw who was standing her. Instead of Rarity, it was a white unicorn with three scars over the left eye, some kind of diamond thing over the right, diamonds for a Cutie Mark, a purple mane. Did I mention said unicorn had an awesome top hat and he looked an awful lot like Shining Armour?... In terms of structure. And Cutie Mark, maybe; I haven't seen him in quite a while.

"Wha- I- Who- FRIENDSHIP~... Rarity... Where... You... Different... Paragraph... WHA?..."

"Stop being paranoid, I'll change to something else... Grambi, you're picky..."

A curtain came out nowhere and covered the stallion who came in from nowhere. A green explosion came from behind it and the curtain was raised. Now some stupid looking red stallion stood there with blonde hair... And the same Cutie Mark.

"When did I have that installed?" And then she put two and two together. "Spike must have done it without my permission, per usual."

"Well, there's that... And..."

"And what? Tell me! Or I will personally have you be in ANOTHER Human In Equestria fanfiction! You're risking FRIENDSHIP..."

"I'm kind of a..."

"What was that? You're like a virgin?"

"Yes. Yes you are. But that's besides the point. I'm a changeling now and I can make green curtains appear out of nowhere!"

"My... How? There's a major plothole here! And I'm stealing Pinkie's schtick!"

"I dunno, I woke up like this. I also heard somepony woke up with Vinyl's sitting on him."

"I-"

"His FACE."

"...That's nasty! But, getting back to FRIENDSHIP, we need to get you some help! You need somepony..."

"Help? Twilight, the health care here is horrible!" Rarity randomly decided to rapidly change her appearance. The curtain gave up after a while. "And besides, I can look like anypony I want! Think of all the rich parties I can get into! All the stuff I can loot! But, don't worry, aside from my new OOC-ness, I'm still myself, aside from the fact that under my fur I'm black and holey." By this point, Rarity had gone through almost half of the Rainbow Factory victims, except Dashie for obvious reason, and Twilight was shocked by the ones who couldn't look left. Noticing this, Rarity started going through the town's stallions. "I'm just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really - you get the point - horny. I'm like Ebony if she had a brain cell or two! I know this isn't what Chrysalis means by 'feeding on emotions', but, come in, we're on a clopfic! Cut me some slack." She cycled through Big Mac, Rolling Songstone and Shining Armour (who wasn't a town resident, so Rarity was running out ideas). Twilight was dumbfound, not by who Rarity was turning into, but by her idiotic logic.

"And, saying this in a completely different paragraph for no damn reason, you can have anypony you like Twilight! As long as they're blue. And I'll do it right here, right now, anywhere, anytime. As long as it's blue. And I know you're still a virgin (although how I know, I'll be pondering forever), so I might go easy on you..."

"As long as it's blue?"

"That wasn't funny."

"Oh... Hey, I-I'm not a v-virgin!... FRIEND..."

Rarity let out a laugh that ringed in the ears of Bronies everywhere. The mating call of the wild Rarity that became a meme like everything else in the show.

"BULL. Wait, do you like mares then? Ooo, then the fan videos ARE true!" Rarity then started turning into all the mares she could think of, starting with the mayor. THAT was a major turn off. "What about Celestia?! Then the BLOGS must be true!" She towered over Twilight for the a minute or two, going through the various incarnations of the ruler of the land. "Luna! There's always her! I heard some rumours on forums about you and her!" And then she went through all the various incarnations of the lunar princess. Yes, even Woona. A blue spotlight came down all of a sudden and illuminated Twilight's face, making Rarity think she was turning into Sonic. "Come on, anypony you like! Pick a pony, anypony! An- WAIT. It's Nyx, right?" Twilight shook her head rapidly and Rarity changed to something else. "Just think of the sex! Think of the SEX! It's all that matters! Where ever I may roam!" Rarity turned back into herself, looking really dang f[BUY SOME APPLES]g tired. She went to Twilight and lightly wiped some chocolate off her face.

Twilight stood there, her mind leaking out her ears and burning holes in the floor. She was trying way too hard to think about it. But, as a paranoid, virgin, nerd, she had no choice but to give in. Or she could be in-character and refuse, but, you know, clopfic and all...

"All right. I know who I want."

"Yes?"

"You sure you can handle it?"

"Yes."

"Get a pen and paper and right this down."

"Why can't you?"

"Just listen."

"Fine, fine, fine..."

"I want..."

A very long pause came forth and slapped both Rarity and Twilight in the face.

"Rainbow Dash's body, Fluttershy's mane, Luna's mane colour, Pinkie's body colour, Applejack's hat, your eyes, Celestia's size, Vinyl's horn with powers, Derpy's tail, Octavia's Cutie Mark, Carrot Top's tongue, Photo Finish's glasses, Dr. Whooves's bowtie, Applebloom's bow-tie, Shining Armour's d!ck-" deep breath "-with pickles on the side!"

Rarity picked her jaw up from the floor. "Good Grambi, girl, you're damn specific!"

Twilight nodded.

"But, since you ordered it, I have to comply." So she turned into the pastiched pony and chuckled for no reason. Maybe a shudder snuck in. "I mean, DAMN, did you read Veil of Thoughts? Well, you did help write it... Man, that was a weird week..." Rarity tried to push her new mane out of the way (it seemed like it was permanently stuck on the side of her face) and approached Twilight.

"Y u no stallion?"

she quickly turned into a stallion!. "Sorry, forgot." So, now a stallion!, Twilight quickly surveyed him/her/it. She tried to hide her excitement, except for the wet spot growing larger by the second, and just thought to herself in a different paragraph for the third time this fiction:

Suck it, Trebek.

Meanwhile, outside the library and nowhere near the pentagon, Chrysalis was waiting on a cloud dyed pink disguised as a pegasus, apparently Derpy as revealed in the next chapter... Um, spoilers? Back to the topic at hand, she was bored out of her cheese-grated skull. How long did it take to change somepony into a changeling? Well, she knew, but she had selective-short-term memory loss. The Lord Of The Rings took less time then this! Writing, reading, scripting, casting, filming and watching. UNCUT.

Just as she was about to to start messing with these two ponies she saw below her, creaking of wood, breaking of things and insanely horny moans came from inside the tree. Finally! It took enough filler.

She quickly flew the window, smashing into it, but not breaking it. After recovering, she looked inside, hoping to see green cocoons and fis- hoofcuffs. However, she took notice of the extreme rape going, but not the kind she wanted. A tenth of the way through watching the spectacle, she got a pen and paper out of nowhere and started ticking off the various positions that the two inside did.

After the 127th, she just put hoof-2-face, but continued watching nevertheless. After the 272th one, her head was nearly bashed in from banging against the wall, conveniently in time with the banging going on inside. And, hot damn, was there some banging on! In every position, imaginable, from the top and bottom, from any volume reachable and various other factors, like length and time. Especially time, since this had been going on for six hours ON END.

"This is probably the worst thing I've ever done aside from think of it..."

Eventually, a damn month later it seemed like, Rarity finally left the building, sweating, panting, limping, missing a leg, missing some fur and chunks of her head.

"Oh my... That was probably the BEST! POSSIBLE! THING!... Except for a few other times I've been done. I should probably turn back to normal, but that would be convenient. I dunno why everypony's staring. Maybe I should go for Fluttershy next, then Rainbow Dash. I've always wanted to do a blind pony. Vinyl could probably be on my list, but I hate paedophilia... Don't leave any comments or reviews about, it will explained later."

After also stealing Pinkie Pie's schtick, Rarity wandered off in the general opposite direction of Fluttershy's place. Chrysalis stared all bored like at Rarity, then at the exhausted and bleeding Twilight. A couple sheets of Lunaughty were lying around, although I don't know how she could tell.

"I should have planned this out better. And I swear, if I end up being done within the ten hours, I'm gonna eat puppies... FOR BRUNCH."

A/N: Yeah... Nothing much to say about this. It's just Rarity wanting to bang ponies. And, apparently, Clever here also wrote Think Pink!, which I plan to parody some day, and some kind of other fiction where Pinkie's a changeling. And that's not a parody, so yeah.