Everyday Life With Guardsmares
Chapter 90
Previous Chapter Next ChapterArtemis Sparkshower
Specialist Artemis Sparkshower, former 19D Armoured Scout, present VIP bodyguard, now on special assignment as an armored message courier!
... She wasn’t sure what service code that counted as. Maybe there wasn’t even one.
Regardless, with the Royal Engineer's calling-card in her saddlebag and his instructions memorized, she was in the air and on her way to the headquarters of the First Air Division. Unlike the Household Division that was based on the palace grounds, the First Air had its HQ out in the city proper. Their home was the tallest building in Canterlot, when measured in terms of elevation above the ground surrounding it.
The Watchtower.
Capped with a spartan 'helmet' dome instead of the more elaborate 'onion' style used for the Palace and so eagerly copied by other capital buildings, The Watchtower was a monumental fortress-spire at the outer rim of one of the city's middle tiers with a commanding view; not just of the entirety of the metropolis, but of Cloudsdale above and the surrounding countryside below. In effective vertical elevation, the structure was exceeded by several towers on the upper tier, most of them part of the Palace complex, but none of them exceeded it for sheer bulk.
The Watchtower's colossal volume had room for two full regiments of two thousand pegasi each, plus the headquarters and support units of the First Air Division. And those stalwart defenders could take off at a moment's notice to defend the capital from the three great and five lesser landing platforms that jutted out from the building, or sally forth from any of a dozen simpler portals. There were even arrow-slits for unicorn and earth pony defenders to fire missiles from, and the upper landing platform, facing away from the city, had been modernized to mount a battery of cannon as well.
Nearly a thousand years old, The Watchtower was one of the few structures included in the city's original plan, though that was not to say it was still in its original state. Wars, treason, and disasters, magical and mundane alike, had all taken their toll on the old bastion. Even today, there were still patchwork bits of scaffolding around the spire, hosting crews still hard at work repairing the extensive damage The Watchtower had suffered during the Changeling Invasion. Only the Palace itself had been more thoroughly wrecked.
Artemis knew all this not just because she’d taken a flying tour of the city, and read about the illustrious First Air Division's history in the Royal Guard archives, and walked into the small visitor's center on the ground floor in her civvies and taken photos of the mural depicting the fortress' many sieges. She knew all this because she’d thought that The Watchtower would eventually wind up being her home.
Yes, Artemis was in the VIP service now, and as thrilling and rewarding as it had been so far, she had never thought it would be a permanent assignment. Once she’d finished a tour of duty serving as a dutiful bodyguard to noble ponies, and even noble non-ponies like the Royal Engineer, and once she’d settled into Canterlot life with her faithful Huckleberry -- ‘Oh, Huck!’ -- the First Air Division was where she’d truly be headed. Not that Artemis would say 'no' if the illustrious Household Division at the Palace accepted a request for transfer, of course! She was just setting realistic goals. Those being, a posting somewhere with solid ground underhoof and job opportunities for her partner.
The pegasus would miss Berry, but it was hardly so far away that she couldn't visit. The train ride was just a couple of hours, and ran twice a day! And besides, Canterlot's city life held so much promise, so much wonder and excitement! After that eye-opening class trip five years ago, she knew she eventually wanted to end up there, regardless of where her first posting was.
Putting her personal thoughts at the back of her mind, Artemis came in to land on the uppermost of the three great oval 'balconies' that served as the mustering grounds for Canterlot's stalwart defenders. And it was also the closest pad to the actual headquarters, which she knew was just two more stories upstairs. Four lookouts and a traffic coordinator barely took notice of her, but the two pegasi at the doorway into the tower stopped her, and one of them stepped forward.
"Identification, ma'am?"
She dug out her ID card from her saddle bag and hoofed it over. "Specialist Artemis Sparkshower, Canterlot Palace Military Office, VIP Section."
Once the guard had looked it over, he lifted his head, still holding the card. "What's your business here today, Specialist?"
"Message delivery for Major General Hoofstrong."
The guard nodded and hoofed her back the ID. "HQ is two floors up. Staircase is on your left once you step inside. Ask for Lieutenant Cloudhunter." Finally, he gave her a salute, and she returned it before making her way in.
Definitely a bit more order and regulation here with these 1AD pegasi than with those diamond dogs from the Princess-Cadenza's 'Peregrines' regiment! Artemis didn’t need a repeat of that encounter at the gate… Or the mishap that had her speaking to the regimental commander instead of merely the Officer of the Watch!
Stepping inside, the pegasus trod her way upstairs, her armor clattering the whole way. There really wasn't anything else to do for it -- the tight staircase winding around the outer edge of the tower was far too narrow to risk flying in, at least while dressed in full plate. And there were no taunting griffons to follow in the hallway this time, either! Not that Artemis was against a little fun, of course... but it was nice to see the Royal Guard at its most well-drilled and brightly polished.
Then again... the First Air Wing was a part of the First Air Division. That meant Lieutenant Kilfeather, and his crony Lieutenant Joker, if they weren't both still on medical leave, were somewhere within this tower. With that sobering thought in mind, Artemis turned the corner onto the first landing up, only to bump almost straight into another soldier.
"Oh, good morning to you, Specialist!"
"Guh!"
‘Thundershowers, it's an officer!’
A captain, by the look of it.
‘Quick, the greeting of the day!’
"Good to go, I guess I don't rate a salute either, huh!?"
‘Too slow!’
Artemis quickly tried to snap a hoof up to attention. "Uh, I'm sorry, sir, good day to you. It's just that I didn't see you coming around the corner."
The officer just kept walking, though, hiking a hind hoof back towards where he came -- and where she was going. "Carry on, Specialist! You're late enough already without fumbling for excuses!"
‘Late?’
How could she be late if nopony knew she was even coming? Regardless, she broke into a sharp hustle -- and it was so loud that the captain would still hear it even if he was already two floors down. Huffing and puffing, Artemis wound her way around and up the second set of stairs. Hopefully there were no officers at the top of this one, waiting to ambush her with the requirement of a formal greeting and salute.
She nervously cleared the open doorway out of the staircase, then immediately darted across the hall to the open door labelled 'HEADQUARTERS, 1AD'. But Artemis didn’t get two galloped steps inside before a glasses-wearing sergeant sitting at the reception desk looked up from the papers he was reading and scowled at her.
"You're daggon' late, Specialist! Get your bronze-coated barrel in the briefing hall, stat!"
‘Another pony claiming I’m late!’
‘What is going on here!?’
Unwilling to argue the point further with an irate sergeant -- and a staff sergeant, at that! -- she waved a hoof-salute in his direction as she took to the air, following the direction given by his hoof-gesture.
And she didn’t forget to give him the greeting of the day on her way past.
"Good morning, Staff Sergeant!"
As Artemis headed towards the indicated briefing hall, she just barely heard him mutter angrily behind her.
"Daggon' valks, ain't got no daggon' discipline or sense o' time..."
‘Wait, what was that?’
She didn’t have time to figure it out, because by the time it fully registered in her mind, Artemis had already reached the double doors labelled 'Briefing Room,' and she found herself automatically pushing one of them open.
The scene inside, however, shocked her back to her senses.
In a long, high-ceilinged rectangular room with wood-paneled walls, what seemed like an entire battalion was seated, listening to an officer speak up on a raised stage. Suddenly self-conscious, Artemis gingerly closed the door behind her and snuck as quietly as she could up behind the final row and sat down on her haunches.
The officer on stage -- a full colonel, presumably the commanding officer of this battalion in particular -- continued as if they hadn't even noticed her late entry. "...And that concludes the assignments for this weekend's watch. Remember, soldiers, if everything goes smoothly, we'll be repeating the same thing next weekend for the Gala. Any problems with the enhanced duty roster are to be reported immediately to HQ, is that clear? Any questions?"
There was a soft murmur among the crowd, and then a forehoof went up near the front.
"... Yes, Captain?"
The inquisitive captain stood up on their hind hooves. "Sir, do we have any real information about the nature of this supposed threat to the Gala?"
That earned more murmuring from the crowd.
‘What's this about a threat to the Gala, though??’
The Colonel raised his forehooves, and the crowd went silent. "Unfortunately, Captain, no we do not." That got some more murmurs going, but the colonel spoke over them. "That is why headquarters has come up with this plan to cover all our bases. And until we do get more specific details, that's how it's going to be."
There was a further buzz of conversation, but nopony else puts up a forehoof.
"If that's all, the division commander would like to say a few words to all of us. Ma'am?"
A pegasus with a short white mane and a red coat got up from the rightmost seat at the very front row of the audience, beating her wings once to reach the stage.
‘So that's Major General Hoofstrong.’
‘She certainly strikes a distinctive figure.’
Unlike the Colonel, who was in his armor but with a hat instead of his helmet, the Major General was wearing her blue Air Service Dress jacket, sleeves down, with the standard lighter blue collared shirt underneath and a neat black tie sealing everything up. There were a considerable number of ribbons on her breast, too, all crammed in between the foreleg and the lapel, and framed with the air service badge at the top and the Air Service Cross medal, with oak-leaf clusters, beneath it. Sitting above all that, on top of her head was a blue uniform peaked cap with two rows of silver 'scrambled eggs' leaf embellishments on its black visor, and a row of silver lightning bolts around the band.
The room quickly went quiet as the Major General took her spot on the stage.
Behind her, the battalion colonel called out. "Ten...HUT!"
The whole room snapped up to attention, and the Major General saluted, while from the left side of the room, a bugler played an honor call.
Suggested background music: The United States Army Band - 'To the Color'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EsUvNz_i60
A moment after the bugle finished, Hoofstrong began to speak.
"At ease."
There was a shuffling of bodies and armor as guardsponies settled back down again, then she continued.
"Guardsponies, there's some apprehension going around about what's going to happen next week. About who we're going to have to fight, and when, and where. I don't want any of you thinking about that garbage, because none of it matters. What matters is who we are, and what we do, and when we do it."
She took a moment to look around the room. "You are here today for three reasons. First, because you are here to defend your homes and your loved ones. Second, you are here for your own self-respect, because you would not want to be anywhere else. Third, you are here because you are real pegasi, and all real pegasi like to fight."
‘They do?’
‘I do?’
‘Well, maybe.’
"When you were foals, you all admired the swiftest fliers, the best hoofball players, the big-league boffyball stars, the MXP champions. Pegasi love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Pegasi play to win all the time. That's why Equestria has never lost and will never lose a war, because the very thought of losing is hateful to us pegasi."
It was true that Equestria had never lost a war. As valuable as the Guard had been, though, Artemis had always sort of pinned things on individual heroes -- famous soldiers & generals, powerful mages -- that sort of pony. Her Majesty the Princess of the Sun being foremost among them. But, even growing up in an overwhelmingly Earth-Pony town like Berry, Artemis had to admit that what Major General said hit home for her. She’d always felt that way about sports and games, always looking up to the champions.
Including herself when her hoofball team had won the annual cup.
Or when she’d come first in the Hark County Aerial Marathon!
Up on stage, Hoofstrong continued. "Now, we have the finest equipment, the best spirit, and the best soldiers in the world. You know, by Tartarus, I actually pity any poor bastards who come up against us, by Tartarus I do."
‘She cursed!’
‘Are officers allowed to curse?’
‘Maybe it's because she's a mustang?’
The Major General took a step forward. "Whoever dares to strike at our nation's capital, we're not just going to spear the bastards, we're going to cut out their living guts and give 'em to the earth ponies to fertilize the fields. We're going to murder the bastards by the bushel, until it rains blood down on the soil below."
‘Gosh, that's an awfully visceral image.’
‘Almost worse than the foul language earlier.’
"Now, there's another thing I want you to remember: I don't want to get any messages sent to HQ saying that we are holding The Watchtower. The Watchtower has never, in the history of Equestria, fallen to an enemy force. You don't need to hold The Watchtower. Let the enemy try to do that; they'll fail. We are advancing through the city and through the sky and we're not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto them by their snouts and we're going to buck them in the plot. We're going to kick the Tartarus out of them all the time and we're going to go through them like crap through a goose."
That last vulgar line drew a few chuckles from the audience.
"Some of you foals and fillies, I know, especially the ones who weren't around here last year, are wondering whether or not you'll Breezie out if a real invasion comes. I can assure you that you will all do your duty."
'Last year' would be referring to the Changeling Invasion...
The First Air Division lost a lot of good soldiers that day; all of the units defending the Canterlot sector did. The Major General had good reason to want to pump up the confidence of the fresh recruits who hadn't been tested in that epic battle.
Artemis herself felt a moment of pride to have kept her head during the border skirmish that was her experience of the war.
"One day, thirty years from now -- you may thank Celestia for it, thirty years from now -- you're going to be sitting around your stable with your grandfoal by your flank, and they ask you, 'What did you do during the Battle of the Gala?', you won't have to say, 'Well, I shoved around clouds in Cloudsdale.'"
Artemis suppressed a gasp.
‘Was she putting down the Airborne Weather And Climate Service, the AWACS?’
‘That was every pegasus' duty to perform!’
Swearing, grotesque imagery, and now outright sacrilege? This was not the kind of behaviour Artemis had expected from a modern major-general!
"No, sir, you can look them straight in the eyes and say, 'Grandfoal, I flew with the great First Air Division and that foal-of-a-nag named Georgia Hoofstrong!"
‘Foal-of-a-nag!’
‘Well, she said it, not me.’
The Major General nodded. "All right, now, you foals-of-nags, you know how I feel. Oh... I will be proud to lead you wonderful foals & fillies into battle anytime, anywhere. That's all."
With that, the Major General gave another salute, and, as the colonel called the room to attention once more, she glided off the stage and, joined from behind by another pony who was sitting in the front row -- her Aide-de-Camp, most likely -- together they strode down the central aisle towards the rear doors.
‘Oh, hurricanes!’
Artemis couldn’t be seen by them, or else it would make delivering the message pretty awkward!
Making sure to respectfully salute with her eyes forward and her chest puffed out, she inched her way forward to try to blend in with the soldiers in the row in front of her. Except it's not exactly ideal camouflage, because none of them were in heavy armor like Artemis was.
When the Major General's sharp hoofsteps passed her by, she held her breath.
But as she heard them continue their trot all the way to the door, Artemis sighed in relief.
Once the general was out of the room, the colonel dismissed the troop, and guardsponies started to file out, the buzz of discussions filling the air. Artemis let a bunch of soldiers pass ahead of her, before clustering up with a crowd of fellow heavily-armored pegasi, the better to blend in.
Trowal, delivering messages sure was complicated! Armored Recon ponies were just supposed to skirmish along the front and drive off enemy scouts, not operate commando-style behind enemy lines like this!
And all this from having to let an officer (and a desk sergeant) boss her around.
Which, to be fair, was their job, but they didn't have the faintest clue who she was or what she was doing! She didn't even report to them!
As Artemis headed out the door at the back of a herd of similarly-attired guardsponies, she silently resolved not to let anypony else distract her until she had done her duty. If there was a complaint, they could take it up with Lieutenant Violetta and the CPMO!
That's when she felt a pair of hooves clasp her on the shoulder.
"That's far enough, soldier."
‘Tornadoes!’
The Major General's aide-de-camp, a lieutenant, stood before her, with a gruff sergeant holding her beside.
"Come this way."
Suggested background music: Basil Poledouris - 'Rasczak's Roughnecks', from 'Starship Troopers' [1997]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkBGjLfVbIY
The ADC turned on his heels and the sergeant released the specialist, brusquely motioning for Artemis to follow after the lieutenant. The two pegasi led her deeper into the headquarters office, away from the bulk of the Royal Guardsponies who were making for the stairs.
She passed desk after desk full of weary-looking divisional staff, their tables covered with what seemed to be personnel files. From what Artemis heard, it was an awful lot of paperwork, managing a division properly. At the back, huge rows of cabinets flanked a pair of double doors, which a private opened ahead of the Lieutenant, saluting as the ADC passed by.
‘Hailstorms, what have I gotten myself into?’
Past what was clearly the First AD's Equine Resources department, Artemis headed into what was equally clearly the strategic planning office. The room was dominated by an enormous raised table on which sat a miniature representation of the Canterlot Air Sector.
‘Gosh, it's even got Canterlot Mountain to scale!’
And Cloudsdale was hanging in the air, suspended by wires from the ceiling, too! Artemis could think of more than a few Hyperspace HyperWars players back in Berry who would love to set their miniatures up on this board! Not that they'd get a chance, however -- dozens of pegasi in service uniforms were buzzing around the room like bees, moving markers and updating charts on the walls. With organization like this, it was little wonder that The Watchtower had never fallen...
Unfortunately, Artemis couldn’t stop and watch -- the lieutenant and his surly sergeant led her around the table and to another pair of double doors at the back. The lieutenant pulled the door open himself, and inside she saw a big, brown wooden desk.
And behind it sat Major General Hoofstrong herself.
‘Well…’
‘This is one way to deliver a calling card, all right.’
It just wasn’t necessarily the best way.
The sergeant pulled the doors shut behind the specialist, and she noticed that there was another pony in the room as well. Unlike the others, she wasn’t in a service uniform, but instead was armored from head to hooves in heavy bronze plate, almost identical to Artemis’, with the notable exception that her helmet had a pair of decorative wings attached at the temples.
‘Hurricanes, thunderstorms, and hailstorms!’
‘It's an actual Valkyrie!’
Hoofstrong glanced at Artemis, then looked at the Valkyrie. "Well, Growler, is this the one?"
The armored figure nodded. "Yes, General; she snuck in at the end."
‘That's not fair!’
Considering the noise her armor made, she could hardly be said to have snuck in.
The General looked in her direction again. "Stand at attention, soldier."
Artemis snapped into a salute. Georgia Hoofstrong stepped around her table to sit in front of it, crossing her forelegs in front of her chest. "You're not one of my Valkyries. Who are you, and what were you doing in my briefing hall?"
"Specialist Artemis Sparkshower, Canterlot Palace Military Office, VIP section, ma'am! I'm here to deliver a message, and I was directed there by mistake."
The Valkyrie scoffed, but went silent when the Major General shot her a glance. Then she turned her eyes back onto Artemis again.
"Are you making an accusation against a member of my staff, Specialist?"
‘Oh, Celestia, I’ve got to be awfully careful about how I word this.’
"No, ma'am, but... Given my attire, I believe the desk clerk may have mistaken me for a tardy Valkyrie late to the briefing. A captain in the staircase just before that may have done so as well."
One of the Major General's white eyebrows lifted up. "A tardy Valkyrie? Now there's a thought. Who could possibly have cause to accuse a Valkyrie of tardiness?"
There was a funny tone to her voice, but it was when the actual honest-to-Celestia Valkyrie in the room straightened up in her armor and opened her mouth to speak that Artemis got the impression that Hoofstrong may have been speaking sarcastically.
"General, I-"
The division commander lifted a hoof. "Don't interrupt, Growler; I'm asking the questions here. Now, why are you in heavy armor, Specialist? Was it your intention to be misidentified?"
Artemis shook her head. "No, ma'am. This is my standard combat outfit; I'm a 19D Armored Scout originally from the Third Pegasus Regiment."
The general licked her lips and shook her head, sighing. "All right, I've heard enough."
She nodded at the Valkyrie, Growler. "Major, take better care that your troops show up to meetings on-time and maybe random guardsmares in heavy armor won't be mistaken for one of them."
As the general turned back to the specialist, Major Growler frowned, and Artemis could tell the frown was directed her way as well.
"As for you, Specialist, go on and deliver your message. Sergeant, please direct the specialist where she needs to go."
The general waved a hoof and then began to step back behind her desk.
‘Whew.’
But before the sergeant moved forward to come up beside her, Artemis spoke up, maintaining her salute. "Ma'am, with respect, the message I'm carrying is actually intended for you."
Hoofstrong paused and looked up, curious. "Oh, is it? And what does the CPMO VIP section want with the 1st A-D? No, no, don't tell me, let me guess..." She took a deep breath and, stretching her wings out slightly, sat up in her chair, then leaned forward, placing her forehooves together and her elbows on the table. "... This is about the unauthorized aerial training exercise on the palace grounds two days ago, isn't it?"
‘Celestia, she's sharper than a January cold front.’
Artemis nodded. "Yes, ma'am. The Royal Engineer of Equestria sends his apologies, and his calling-card."
Major General Hoofstrong nodded and swept out a hoof, motioning for Artemis to continue. Dropping out of her salute, she pulled Anonymous' card out of the small letter-pocket in her saddle bag and hoofed it over to the Major General, who pulled the card forward across the desk with one hoof, before flipping it over to look at the back.
The specialist continued. "He would like to arrange a meeting at your earliest convenience to present his apologies in person, and also to obtain an authorization to resume the aerial training exercise in question as soon as possible. He's available at your discretion."
Hoofstrong leaned back in her chair and exchanged an exhausted glance with her ADC. "Now? Really? The Royal Engineer wants to conduct live-fire exercises on the palace grounds a week before the Grand Galloping Gala?"
Artemis shook her head. "With respect, ma'am, it wasn't live-fire. I was being shot at by practice rounds only."
That raised eyebrows all around the room.
‘Well, what?’
‘You were!’
The Valkyrie, Major Growler, grumbled out a question before anypony else. "You were serving as a living target yourself? You weren't just towing one in the air?"
"I was the target, ma'am. I was performing mock strafing runs against an armed mobile ground unit."
Growler scrunched up her snout. "Armed? Armed with what, a cannon?"
"No, ma'am. An anti-air unicorn member of my quaternion; a Centurion of the Ram."
Her answer just confused the Valkyrie, and she fell silent.
Major General Hoofstrong leaned forward again. "Specialist Sparkshower, what exactly were you testing out on Her Majesty's Royal Eastern Cottage racetrack?"
"The Royal Engineer's new Self-Propelled Air Defence Weapon, ma'am. It's an awfully clever machine."
Her answer only seems to have confused the two-star general of the Royal Guard, so she pressed on. "I'm not too familiar with the workings of it, but I'm sure the Royal Engineer would be happy to tell you all about it himself, General. He says it's going to revolutionize Equestrian warfare."
Hoofstrong frowned and looked back down at the calling-card for a moment, then began to shake her head. "Specialist, I've got almost the entire First Air Division working double shifts patrolling the Canterlot airspace between now and the Gala, and my headquarters staff is waiting on the tips of their hooves for any new information about the supposed threat that Intelligence has signalled. It's really not the best time."
Sighing, she pulled the card off the edge of the table and into her hoof, holding it up. "...But, let me see if I find a spot in my calendar for your VIP. Return to the Royal Engineer and tell him I'll send a messenger of my own with the meeting time later today. Got that?"
Artemis saluted once more. "Yes, ma'am!"
With a grin, Hoofstrong nodded at the Valkyrie. "And if anypony else mistakes you for a tardy Valkyrie in the Watchtower, blow them off and tell them to bring it up with Major Growler, understand?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Right. Dismissed."
With a final salute, Artemis turned around and found the sergeant had already opened the door for her.
‘Well, sunshine and rainbows, that wasn't too hard in the end!’
‘Though it certainly looked stormy at the beginning…’
Artemis hoped the eventual meeting with the Royal Engineer went just as well...
Suggested watching: Opening scene from 'Patton,' [1970]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCA6uxQE-bw
