Be a Human Day

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfiction by Andrew J Talon

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based parody. MLP:FiM is the property of Hasbro and Lauren Faust. Please support the official release.

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One incredibly enjoyable session of cornholing a politician later, I walked out of the mayor’s office. Ivory Scroll was laying on her desk, not quite unconscious, but wasn’t going to be getting any work done for the rest of the day.

Her secretary gave me an appreciative look, as I quickly made my exit.

Even if she hadn’t heard all the commotion, I’m sure I stank. I was covered with the juices of two different mares as well as a fair amount of my own semen. And I didn’t have magic to get me clean, either.

I contemplated running home and changing clothes, but my feet had already led me to Sugarcube Corner. I doubted Ivory was lying, so Twilight was probably either here, at Rarity’s boutique, or possible Applejack’s farm? Pinkie’s workplace was closest, and we needed to have words about what acceptable surprises could consist of, anyway.

I stormed into Sugarcube Corner. Plenty of ponies-turned-human were all about, eating and drinking coffee and hot cocoa. All naked, of course. I looked around, carefully scanning about for Pinkie Pie. She could strike from anywhere, at any time, like a deadly pink cobra!

“HI SHEPHERD!”

Speak of the pink devil now. I sighed and turned around, far too used to her ability to pop out of nowhere to freak out.

“Pinkamenia Diane Pie,” I began… And faltered as I was crushed into a wonderful titty hug. Pinkie had kept her long, wild pink hair and gorgeous blue eyes, of course. Her smile was the same- No other being in the multiverse could have it.

“Hey! So! How’s my human form, huh? Huh? It’s like I’m in a big, bouncy castle!” She giggled, rubbing herself up and down my front like an aroused cat. She was wearing nothing but a bright pink apron, which did nothing to conceal the fact that she was thick. All those sweets had made her nice and cuddly, but not fat- She had muscle underneath her generous breasts and wide child bearing hips. She was a rock farm girl, after all.

“So are you enjoying today? Huh? I tried baking in my human form without the apron but then I spilled hot syrup on my front and I tried to get Rainbow Dash to lick it off but she didn’t want to because it was ‘super gay’ and I thought if I added whipped cream and sprinkles she’d go for it but she said that made it worse so I-!”

I reached down and covered her mouth. I counted to ten mentally as she mumbled in slight dismay.

“I’m going to remove my hand,” I began slowly, “and when I do, you’re going to calmly tell me why you and Twilight decided to spring this on me without asking. Okay?”

“Mmhm! Mmhm!” Pinkie mumbled, nodding happily.

Look, I love the pink pony to death. She is happiness and sunshine and has made it her life’s mission to make everyone smile. She welcomed me to Ponyville with cake and hugs when most other ponies were afraid of me! I would die to save her life!

It’s just that she does sometimes have issues with when to stop.

I slowly removed my hand. Pinkie licked her lips, still smiling.

“We noticed you were super bummed about that portal to the other world not leading to your Earth! And we wanted to make you feel better! And who hasn’t wanted to be an alien? Or a bird? Or a kumquat? Maybe that’s just me…”

“I appreciate your intentions,” I said slowly, “but asking if I’d be okay with it would have been nice.”

“Then it wouldn’t have been a surprise!” Pinkie cried.

“Some surprises are not good ones, Pinkie,” I grumbled. Pinkie sniffed me significantly, and her grin turned saucy as I blushed.

“Oooh… I think you’re enjoying some surprises today~,” she teased. “I thought you looked like you had been put away wet, who’s been riding you so hard?”

“I-No-That’s another thing!” I cried. I saw several ponies turned humans look our way, and I lowered my voice.

“Pinkie, you guys go into estrus cycles, right?”

“Yeah huh!” Pinkie said with a nod. “That’s the only time we’re fertile! But we can have sex other times, too!”

“Yeah well, humans are basically fertile and able to have kids any time,” I stated. “Why do you think all human women have swollen breasts all the time?”

“Well mine can be awful swollen when I’m nursemaid for the Cake Twins,” Pinkie pointed out. “But then I use a magic potion for that-”

“Not the point!” I interrupted, and I tolerated her pout. “Don’t you think that turning the entire town into a bunch of horny apes might lead to disaster? I already banged Starlight and the Mayor!”

“Did they have fuu~n?” She asked with a grin.

“I- yes? I’m pretty sure they- that’s not the point! Neither of them were acting normally. I don’t think ponies are used to human hormones. I’m guessing it’s kind of like being in estrus continuously?”

Pinkie Pie shook her head, and patted me on the shoulder.

“Shepherd, Shepherd, Shepherd… Your name is fun to say three times. But I digress!” She poked her finger into my chest, giggling at the sensation. “Do you know how long a stallion lasts in sexual congress with a mare before orgasm?”

“Why in the hell would I ever-”

“They average about 30 seconds to a minute,” Pinkie Pie stated, poking me harder. “Now, during that time, they fill a girl out like an application, let me tell you, but that doesn’t last long.”

I blinked, and absorbed that.

“Sooo, when Twilight offered the town the chance to experience the wonders of hands,” Pinkie Pie continued, making jazz hands with a giggle, “and I mentioned how that humans, being primates, last really, really long in sex, they decided to make a holiday out of it!” She beamed. “And now you’re not the only human around! For one day! Isn’t that worth being a little embarrassed and weirded out?”

I sighed. “So this really isn’t about me, is it?”

Pinkie smiled. “Well, it’s not not about you. But there’s a lot of very happy couples who will think fondly of you for what you’ve allowed to have happened. And if you have a ‘good time’ as well? Bonus!”

“What about the children?” I asked.

“Well, nobody under legal age got transformed. Ya know, liabilities and possibility of spell mishaps,” she said. She rubbed her large breasts up against my chest, beaming up at me. “Also, the spell lasts a day. If anypony gets pregnant, they’ll have ponies. But only if they're ponies. We’re not quite ready for more humans running around.”

“That’s… Suspiciously well thought out and argued,” I stated.

“Cadence helped Twilight with the spell work,” Pinkie said as if that explained it all. Which it did.

I sighed. Damnit, I had a full head of steam… Well, half a head. I wanted to yell at Twilight! Or at least scold her really good.

“So where are the masterminds of this crazy scheme?” I asked.

“All over the place! You should check with Rarity first though!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “Oh, before you go though, you really do look tired. And like you need a shower. I’ve got some cupcakes upstairs for you after you get cleaned up!”

“How did you- No, don’t tell me,” I groaned, “your ‘Pinkie Sense’ again?”

The formerly pink pony grinned.

“It can be very useful!” She said.

“At least tell me if you’re… I don’t know, getting information from your future self? Like a time loop?” I asked.

Pinkie Pie giggled happily, and snuggled up against my chest.

“Nah. That would take all the fun out of life!” She said. “Besides, I can only see certain possibility branches of potentiality before the wavefunction collapses!”

“What?” I asked.

“What?” She asked.

I sighed. As much as I might want to delve into the mind bending possibilities of Pinkie Pie’s true nature and go mad from the revelations, I did need a shower. I hadn’t had breakfast yet, either. I patted her on the top of her head.

“Thanks Pinkie,” I sighed. She beamed.

“You wanna bend me over and make me a cream Pie~?” She asked.

“Really? … Fine, but later,” I said, stroking her hair. It really was very soft. As was the rest of her. “I’m sure Twilight will cast the spell for you again if you ask nicely.”

“Heehee! Just wait until tonight~,” she said cheerfully, skipping off. I blinked.

“Huh? That’s not ominous at all...”

I headed upstairs, trying not to think too hard about Pinkie Sense, tonight, or how ‘in demand’ I was amongst the general town’s population. The shower called to me, and my stomach was finally making its demands for food known.

Once inside Pinkie’s room, I quickly stripped and headed into the bathroom, glancing at a platter of cupcakes, donuts, and muffins on the bed that looked exceedingly tempting. I did have some willpower though, and managed to walk past them long enough to get the shower running, and the water to get nice and hot. Thankfully, no streamers burst out of the showerhead.

Pinkie Pie can forget where she puts her traps.

I had managed to get myself soaped up when the curtain slid aside. I froze, and slowly looked over my shoulder.

Oh boy.

“Hello Maud,” I said, as calmly as I could.

Maud Pie was Pinkie Pie’s sister, and was her polar opposite in nearly every way. Where Pinkie was loud, Maud was quiet. Where Pinkie was bright pink and bouncy, Maud was gray and taciturn. Where Pinkie was a professional party planner who had precognitive powers, Maud was a geological scientist who could shatter rocks with a single hoof blow.

They were both good ponies though. Maud and I enjoyed talking about science. Sure, she was a little weird: She always talked in a monotone and she kept a pet rock named Boulder. She also had a wicked sense of humor, very deadpan and snarky.

The eldest Pie sister regarded me silently, the same implacable expression on her face as always. Admittedly said expression was on a human face, and attached to a human body. A gorgeous human body. Large, perfectly formed breasts, firm round ass, and strong, healthy thighs seem to run in the Pie family. She also had abs you could grind meat on, and well defined muscles in her arms and legs.

“Uh… Hey Maud,” I began. “What’s up?”

She stared at me, still silent.

“Is there...something you wanted to talk about?” I tried.

Maud blinked slowly. The motion drawing attention to her heavily made up eyes and long eyelashes.

“Oh dear,” she said in her usual monotone, “I seem to have wandered into the shower while you were using it by accident. How embarrassing.”

“... It’s no big deal,” I replied. “We could share it if you need to rinse off.”

After Pinkie’s talk, I could already see where this was going. And if Maud wanted this… why not?

Maud stared at me intently, her expression unchanged.

“I prefer being direct in seduction,” she said.

“I appreciate that,” I said.

“I like your directness. It is something we have in common,” she intoned.

She then stepped into the shower fully. She extended her arms and wrapped them around me. My own went back around her, and pulled her tight against me. Our lips met under the hot water spray.

Despite her incredible strength, she was very gentle. I hugged back tightly, and ran my hands down her sleek, strong back. Right down to her rock hard bottom. I squeezed her cheeks hard, just enough give in them to send a twitch down to my dick.

“Mm… please bite my neck,” she murmured. I bent my mouth down to the junction of her neck and shoulder, and bit down hard. She didn’t respond, save for taking deeper breaths.

My hands slid back up, over her mouth watering hips and sides, to her large, firm breasts. I buried my face in her tits, squeezing them around my face. I latched onto a nipple and suckled eagerly, my tongue sliding around her areola. I slid my hands down under her heavy breasts, and massaged the sensitive undersides.

She was breathing faster, and her heart was beating hard. She smelled amazing, and her skin was so smooth and warm. Her strong hands were surprisingly soft, as she stroked all over my upper body.

Hot, frantic and hard sex was nice, but pleasuring a beautiful woman was nice. Also restful, especially under the hot water.

I knelt down and pushed her up against the cool wall of the shower. She reached down and spread her lower lips. I gripped her buttocks and began lapping eagerly at her lower lips. She let out a soft sigh.

“Very few stallions… Want to go down on mares,” she said, “I wanted to know what it would be like… As a human…”

She was still completely monotone as she said all this. I didn’t really care that much though, as she was so warm and tasted amazing. Like salty rock candy. I found her pussy hole and slid my tongue in eagerly. More juices leaked all over my tongue, and I groaned eagerly.

Damnit, I really should have eaten out Starlight and the Mayor. Eh, I could do it later.

Maud took deeper, faster breaths. I thrust my tongue in deeper, and her strong muscles squeezed around it. Her hands found their way into my hair, and gripped my head tightly. I reached up and pulled back, just enough to look up into her eyes.

Save for the bright red blush on her face, she was just staring at me intently. Her mouth was open as she panted softly. I moved my hand up and slid a single finger into her clenching hole, spreading her as I sought out her G-spot. I curled my finger inside her hot vagina, and ground hard against the upper part of her sex. I rubbed my thumb up against her U-spot, staying away from her clitoris.

Her eyes were locked on mine, as she panted faster. I dug my thumb into her U-spot and then extended my lips. I wrapped them around her clit, and sucked as hard as I could.

Maud slowly closed her eyes and let out the softest sigh. Her pussy convulsed around my finger, so tight my digit almost hurt. She gushed all over my chin and upper chest, again and again. My other hand, as though moving by its own volition, spanked her ass. She sucked in a deep breath and then closed her mouth tightly as she squirted another salvo of ejaculate all over me.

Her knees trembled. I leaned back, sitting on the cold shower floor. I reached up and gripped her hips, pulling her down onto my lap. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, and pressed her face against mine as she continued to pant.

“I am… Extremely aroused,” she murmured, still monotone. She settled on her knees and reached down to grip my dick. It was nice and hard, but not quite there. I groaned softly.

“I shouldn’t have taken a second run at the Mayor’s holes,” I groaned. Oh shit, maybe I shouldn’t have said that in front of Maud.

She just stared at me briefly, before she produced a small gemstone. Maud then slid it into my mouth.

“Bite down,” she said softly. I hesitated for a moment-Maud Pie was strong enough she could crack rubies with her teeth. She just kept staring, and I mentally shrugged. I bit down, and thankfully the stone broke like a Jolly Rancher.

It tasted like lightning and blueberries mixed together, and my entire body was filled with energy. My cock was as hard as… Well, a rock, to the point I almost felt lightheaded.

Maud nuzzled my cheek, and breathed in my ear.

“I want you to impregnate me,” Maud mumbled.

“You just… Want to do that because of the human form,” I murmured back. “Besides, the spell doesn’t let that happen.”

“It’s my fantasy,” she replied, as she seized hold of my dick and rubbed it up against her pussy lips. She pushed herself down hard, her tight pussy engulfing my length slowly. She let out a low, soft sigh, and I groaned as she slid down onto my lap. I grabbed her hips, new energy flowing through my body.

“You’re so tight,” I whispered.

“I exercise regularly,” Maud deadpanned.

Maud slowly rose up, and slid down as she rolled her hips. I groaned in bliss, and pushed myself up on the balls of my feet. Her eyes slid shut tight, as she began to bounce up and down.

I rammed my hips up into her, slow but strong, as she rode me like a pony. Appropriate, really. Her breasts bounced enticingly, and I pushed my face into her tits. She rested her chin atop my head, as I thrust up into her and she rammed herself down.

“Please… Shepherd,” she gasped, still in a monotone, “please fill me up. Fill my womb with your semen. Make me a mother. Daddy.”

I nearly laughed, but then her pussy squeezed me like a juicer. I bit down on her neck, as her nails dug into my back. She let out a deep sigh, and despite the warm water raining down on us, I felt her orgasmic juices soak my lower body. I held her tightly as my rejuvenated penis erupted inside her like a volcano. I think my eyes crossed as she milked me for every last drop.

My spine cracked as she embraced me like an industrial crushing machine. I let her neck go as I gasped loudly. She echoed my gasp, and trembled hard. Her pussy gushed again, as she held me tightly inside and out. My hand began to stroke the elegant curve of her back, as I kissed her throat. She lazily nuzzled my neck.

The water was getting cold, so I slowly reached up and turned the faucet off. On shaky legs, I managed to get up. Maud kept holding onto me tightly, wrapping her legs around my waist to hang on. I staggered out of the bathtub and walked slowly, out into Pinkie’s bedroom. I made it to the bed, and fell down onto it as she held onto me. I breathed hard, as she snuggled against me. I reached for one of the plates of cupcakes, and pulled them to my mouth.

I just started gobbling them down, my starved body desperate for calories. One cupcake, two, three, four-And now I was losing track. I think I mixed in a danish and a muffin as well.

Maud finally caught her breath and looked up at me with her same, intense yet neutral stare.

It may have been the fact we’d just had sex but I thought I could see true warmth in her eyes. I grabbed another cupcake and began chewing it eagerly.

“I have done a great deal of sexual experimentation since I entered the university,” Maud said, “but this is the best experience I have ever had.”

“What was in that rock, anyway?” I asked, my mouth slightly full.

“A sexual aid for primates my professor discovered while on expedition to the southern Jungles,” Maud said. “I helped Pinkie Pie cook it into all of her pastries.”

I stopped chewing, and slowly gulped.

“All of… These?” I asked. “What’s the lethal dosage?”

“I do not know,” she stated. “However, in the laboratory trials, sexual activity prevented death.” Maud nuzzled me. “We should have more sex, just in case you have an adverse reaction.”

I sighed. “You and Pinkie are crazy ponies. Completely insane.”

“You can punish us both as much as you like,” Maud suggested.

My dick was rock hard, because it didn’t know any better. As I rolled her onto her back, it was clear that I didn’t either.

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