It's been two years since I got stranded on this elf-forsaken plane. Both Celestia and Luna are married now, and utterly insufferable to be around. Luna even has a child on the way. Luckily, that has distracted both humans rather thoroughly. Anon is fawning all over Luna, giving her massages and long, loving gazes. Meanwhile, Incognito and Celestia show up late to breakfast every morning, worn out but also glowing in a way that is painful to watch. For me and Twilight, at least.

Speaking of, she has become something of a friend or perhaps an apprentice. Her mind is sharp, and she has a natural intuition about magic that is second only to my own. Because of general...conditions in the palace, I have been spending more and more time in her library. It turns out, she has a second, more secret stash, cunningly hidden in a dimensional pocket, keyed only to her thaumic signature. I was rather moved they day she keyed my thaumic signature into the access permissions. Now I can read neighponese yowie dough gin sheets. If I am completely honest, the lack of bulky, muscular stallions is something of a disappointment, but I powered through for the sake of my schlick. The more I read, the more I grow to appreciate these lithe, tender males. Then I find a comic where a mare ruts the gay stallions straight, and I am hooked.

I spend days, locked in my room, filling the air with my personal scent. It's not like I actually have to do anything, so it's fine, right? Right. And this way, I don't have to see the other princesses grossly incandescent with marital bliss. There comes a knocking at the door, Twilight, going by the thaumic signature. With a wave of my hand, I clear the scent and the mess from the room.

"Come in, Twilight."

She complies, tail between her legs and her ears folded back. I frown as she closes the door behind her and starts casting privacy spells.

"What's wrong?"

As the last spell resolves, Twilight licks her lips.

"Do you remember the spell that brought Incognito to Equestria?"

I grimace.

"Of course. What about it?"

My young friend nervously paws at the floor.

"Cadance determined that the rift is a natural resonance point in time and space for the currents of love in Equestria and a potentially infinite number of other planes."

I raise an eyebrow.

"So?"

Twilight rustles her wings.

"According to Cadance's theory, using time travel spells near it allows for the transfer of highly compatible beings from other planes. Like Anon for Luna and Incognito for Celestia."

I cross my arms.

"That's nice, but it doesn't explain why you are so stressed."

She sighs.

"We tried it again. A woman came out this time."

“Another human?"

The purple princess nods.

"Well, that would do it. Now they can have pure-strain humans instead of halfbreeds. So, do you need my help banishing her or something?"

Twilight looks at me, eyes wide in shock.

"That's not it at all! I'm just worried that I might be a lesbian and not know about it!"

I blink.

"Is that all?"

She frowns.

"I mean, if I ever get into a herd, I'm going to lend a helping hoof if needed, right? That's just being herdsisters. But only having a herdsister? I'm not sure I could do that."

I find my willingness to listen to her woes waning rapidly.

"So, you want to know if you can be a lesbian?"

Twilight chews her lip.

"Essentially."

I shrug.

"Easy enough. I'll summon a succubus for you and an incubus for me."

She leans back in alarm.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? Summoning demons..."

I scoff.

"I have done it for hundreds of years. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

I gesture to the floor and two magic circles appear.

A snap of my fingers grabs twelve eggs from the kitchen and sets them at points on each circle. Twilight has thankfully settled down as she watches me perform magic. It's kinda cute.

"Hear me, Adoraleth, Adonadek. By the life of the neverborn I give you asylum."

The eggs crack, their insides smoldering and smoking, condensing into my favorite infernals. Adoraleth raises her eyebrows at my current room, her gaze lingering on some discarded dough gin sheets laying on the floor. Adonadek smirks at you, hands on his hips.

"Hey Lowyn. Did you gain some weight since last time?"

I am equal parts mortified and furious.

"Shut up, Nads! My figure is perfect as always!"

I suck in my gut a little.

"Any ways, Dora, go help my friend Twilight here figure out if she's a lesbian or not. Nads, the usual."

Twilight is staring at Dora with wide eyes and a light blush. She'll be fine, probably. Nads clears his throat.

"About that. I'm afraid Twilight will have to cover the charge for both of our services. You're out of eggs, Lowyn."

My blood runs cold.

"That can't be, I should still have around one hundred!"

Adonadek shrugs.

"You summon a lot while drunk."

I sit down heavily on my bed. I still have millennia to go before I die, and now I won't get my bicentennial demonic pick-me-up ever again. Twilight makes that creaky noise she makes when she is trying to not freak out.

"Eggs, as in..."

Dora nods.

"Ovum. Baby batter receptacles. The besieged fortress of fertility. Spunk bucke-"

The mare is getting more and more flustered the more euphemisms are listed.

"I got it! I got it; you take eggs in payment. I'm going to decline your offer; the price is too steep for what I want."

Adoraleth pouts.

"Are you sure? I know all sorts of ways we could have fun together~"

Twilight nods.

"If I'm going to find out about how I feel about Femanon, then I should be talking to her, not summoning demons."

Dora and Nads give me an apologetic smile, then vanish in a puff of sulfur. I try to muster some passion, but my heart is not in it.

"In case you were wondering, demon dick feels amazing."

Twilight looks at me with a measure of pity I rather resent. She used to look at me in awe and with vast respect for my magical knowledge and prowess. Now, she sees a woman worn out and used up by her vices. Unlike many I have met, she sees the real me, with all my flaws and virtues.

I hate it. I teleport away, to my workroom. I have a new purpose, a new project, and it will be amazing. It has to be.

The resource gathering phase was simple enough if somewhat time consuming. Lumber, mushrooms, clay, and a frog are easily acquired in the wilderness outside of Canterlot. Finding a gem with the right length was a little more difficult, but the third mineral wholesaler had what I needed. I am whittling down the emerald when Twilight drops by again.

She sighs. I adjust the gem, rotating it slightly. Not looking up from my work, I attempt a consoling tone.

"I take it she didn't fall madly in love with you?"

"Not me, no. Turns out, Femanon has a passion for childcare and miniature wargames, so she's joining my brother's herd."

I will an absolute edge of mana to carve another facet.

"Huh."

I hear a sniffle. I pause in my work to see Twilight trying not to cry. I smile at her.

"Now you know how I feel. A little relieved because who actually wants to fuck a human? But also really frustrated because of how long it's been since you've had something between your nethers that isn't composed of mana."

She looks shocked at my incredibly accurate read of her emotional state.

"No, I- she could have been my true- I'm a virgin!"

Oh. This poor girl.

"That just makes it worse, doesn't it? I tell you what, once I'm done making this, I'll make one for you too."

Twilight seems to snap out of it, and properly looks at the emerald I am whittling.

"What are you working on?"

I grin, glad to distract her from her virginity and glad to show off.

"This is going to be the core of a boletulus, something like a more elfoid version of a timberwolf."

She frowns.

"Are you making an uncontrollable, intelligent monster that reproduces by gathering debris?"

I roll my eyes.

"I'll be its creator; it will have to listen to me. Not to mention, it doesn't need to be particularly intelligent, I just want something that will ravage me whenever I want and survive in a pocket dimension when I don't need a good, hard dicking."

Twilight blushes at my choice of language, no doubt imagining the possibility of having her own on-demand dicking dispenser golem.

"I think I will stick to inanimate objects for now, cucumbers generally don't go on rampages."

I shrug.

"Suit yourself."

She'll come around sooner or later. I finish cutting the last facet and smooth the surfaces of the emerald. A gesture banishes the shards and gem dust to a random plane nearby. Twilight ends up sitting across your worktable from me.

"Is there a purpose behind the shape?"

I smirk. Gottem. I turn the nearly cylindrical rod of emerald in my fingers.

"Each surface has a corresponding surface on the other side. The are 42 pairs, meaning that only 16% of the mana that enters escapes. And when you add mana like so,"

I flick a mote into the rod and it immediately starts vibrating.

"You get a good, scalable vibrational frequency."

Twilight furrows her brows.

"For a time keeping function?"

I shake my head at her relative innocence. How could a mare who reads that much porn be so clueless?

"This will go in the dick."

She blinks. Then I see the dawn of comprehension in her eyes, complemented nicely by the reddening of her cheeks.

"That's...a good idea? I got to go, you know, update some lists. See you later!"

I wonder if she will try to innovate on what little I've shown her or strike out for virgin territory on her quest for pleasure aids. I can't wait to see what she comes up with.

I take a moment to admire my creation. Pleasant green skin, the color of moss, of life. A bald head, perfect for stroking and occasionally using for a divinatory focus. A bulky, working man's build, strong enough to hold me down even with my best strength enhancements. A long, girthy member to fill me up completely. Now to start it up. I breathe out, infusing my breath with mana. It washes over my boletulus, seeping into its skin, then sucked into its nose with a snort. My creation opens its red eyes and furrows its brow in confusion.

"Wutz all dis?"

I grin.

"I am your master, Princess Ellowynelle, highest mage of the Silver Willow Order of Magi, mistress of all disciplines. I have created you for a great and noble purpose, to pleasure me with your body."

It blinks.

"Nah, you ain't za boss. Too tiny."

It grabs my waist with one large hand and lifts me in the air effortlessly. I am so wet right now.

"That's right! Ram me onto your dick! Assert your dominance!"

It scowls, then presses my face against the door. I can hardly wait.

"Wutz dis?"

...

No.

"I'm your creator! You must do as I say!"

It pulls me back, then bonks my head on the door.

"I said, wot iz dis?"

I slump, horribly blue beaned.

"It's a door. If you go through it, it goes to another place."

My creation takes a moment to comprehend my revelation. Then it charges right through the door, splintering it. It's trivially easy for my personal protection spells to tank the damage. I consider cutting up my creation and starting over, but I still kind of like being manhandled like this. My boletulus shoves my face into a vase, dashing it to the ground and shattering the thing.

"Heh heh, good smash."

Perhaps I should have made it a little more intelligent. Or much less.

After spooking a lot of servants, smashing 14 vases, and crashing through 3 walls, my creation meanders into the throne room. Celestia is holding court, Incognito seated in a much less ornate chair by her throne, absently petting her back. Day court comes to a halt as the boletulus stomps up to Celestia and shoves me in her general direction. I speak without prompting.

"Apologies, Princess. This is my boletulus, though I'm afraid it has escaped my control. Boletulus, this is Princess Celestia, the ruler of this land."

Celestia raises her eyebrows at me, while Incognito rolls his eyes.

"I... see. is he your friend, then?"

I glance at the mushroom lifeform and sense its neural hyphea catch up with my introductions. It glares at Celestia and takes a deep breath. Oh shining isles, it's going to yell.

"I'Z DA BIGGEST SO I'Z DA BOSS."

Celestia's mild smile disappears. She slowly stands up from her throne, her fur poofing out, her wings extending completely. The colors of her mane shift to oranges and red and her horn shines with a baleful light. I can feel the heat through all of my environmental enchantments. The Celestia starts bobbing her head in a circular motion like a weirdo. She speaks in her Royal Canterlot Voice.

"I AM BIGGER THAN YOU, STRONGER THAN YOU, AND CAN BURN YOU TO A CINDER WITH A THOUGHT. I AM THE BOSS OF ALL BOSSES."

The boletulus salutes with the hand holding me, accidentally flinging me against a pillar.

"Youz da boss! Good fires, boss!"

Celestia nods firmly.

"That's right. Now, what is your name?"

It blinks.

"Uh, dunno, boss."

Celestia sighs.

"Go sit in a corner and try to think of one."

The boletulus salutes again and lumbers over to a corner and scowls at nothing
A servant trots over to whisper to Celestia, who frowns. As I stand up, the sun princess makes her way over to me. Her disapproving look weighs more heavily on my heart than I would care to admit.

"Lowyn, you've been a decent guest, but I cannot allow this. Do not create artificial life while you are on this plane."

I nod contritely.

"You have my word."

She doesn't smile, but her frown eases a bit.

"It has also come to my attention that your experiment has caused some damage to the palace. You will be repairing all of it by yourself."

I nod again.

"I'll have everything fixed within the hour."

Celestia gives me a measuring look.

"By hand. No magic."

I pale.

“But that will take forev-"

Celestia glares.

"It will give you time to reflect in your actions and their consequences."

I hold in a sigh. There's no talking back to mo-Celestia when she is like this.

"I understand."

She doesn't look convinced, but lets it go.

I don't find out the worst part of my punishment until months later, as I finish painting over the last of the repaired walls. A servant gives me a letter from some pony named Fluttershy. She writes about how useful Krork is with helping wrestle large animals for treatment, gushes about how gentle he is when brushing her mane, and thanks me profusely for installing a vibrating function in his dick. She also promises to take responsibility and will be marrying him by the end of the year. She also includes an invitation to the wedding.

I crumple the letter and set it on fire. It's my first time being on this end of things, and now I understand why so many mothers don't like me. I spent hours designing, crafting, and breathing life into a perfect body and a perfect cock, and then some other woman who had no hand in its creation gets to enjoy getting every hole used and vibrated. It is the ultimate cuckoldry, as a wizard and as a woman. I resolve to dedicate more time to leaving this terrible place. I’m bound to find a way back to civilization sooner or later.

I hope.