Three years into my exile, and I think I am finally making progress. I moved my workshop to Manehattan, to distance myself from all the sickeningly sweet matrimony in Canterlot. I have a small army of mares scrying through the dimensions, yielding some interesting finds. A plane of elemental water, for instance. Now I can drink pure, slightly magically charged water whenever I want. I even found a promisingly open stretch of planes in the direction of the Prime.

One even has elves! Primitive, inbred, and spouting some nonsense about destroying the world to wake the dreamer, but elves! I make a note to come back to them in 50 years or so and reign over them as a wrathful queen goddess. Hopefully, they will have figured out cleaning spells by then. No respectable queen goddess cleans her pleasure slaves herself, after all. I am roused from my idle fantasy by my ward pinging with a familiar thaumic signature. I warp to the door and open it.

“Princess Twilight, it's good to see you again."

My...friend, maybe best friend shifts nervously. She clears her throat.

"It's good to see you too, Lowyn. Could I come in? I have some news for you."

I raise my eyebrows, but nod. I lead her into one of my favorite sitting rooms where a servant has prepared fresh tea. I sit down and take a cup, and Twilight does the same. For some reason she is looking downward more often than usual. I gesture with my cup to her.

"So, what is this news that has you so nervous?"

She sips her tea to wet her mouth.

"You remember when we summoned Femanon?"

I nod, suppressing a grimace at the memories of that time. Twilight continues, "We've refined the spell some, and well. I believe I summoned my soulmate."

I feel a faint pang in my heart, but I smile at her.

"Congratulations! I must confess, I am rather curious what they are like. Will I be meeting them soon?"

My friend ruffles her wings.

"There's more. He's, well, an elf."

I feel like I am struck by lightning without wards. I surge to my feet, my tea spilling.

"Is he from the Prime? Does he have a way back?"

Twilight leans back in surprise, then laughs weakly.

"He is from the Prime, but he's as stuck as you are."

I drift back to my seat, heart light with relief. An actual civilized elf! Then a thought occurs to me. Twilight wouldn't be this nervous if she was just letting me know she got a boyfriend. I swallow. I look into her eyes.

"Are you here to invite me to herd with you?"

If he is good enough to be her soulmate, he can't be too bad. Twilight looks a little sick at the thought.

"No! That's, I mean you and he..."

Some of the hurt I am feeling must have shown on my face, because she climbs into the chair with me and wraps a wing around my back.

"I would never ask you to herd with your brother. It wouldn't be right."

I blink.

"My what?"

A figure erupts from Twilight's shadow. Despite that nostalgic signature, I throw a firebolt at it. Lellmaeo snuffs it out with his hand and grins.

"It's good to see you too, sister!"

I try to scowl at him, the idiot is still wearing his skimpy drow costume, but it's no use. I practically tackle him and cling to him with all my strength as sobs escape my throat. I feel him tense.

"Woah, there there. Um."

I sniffle, the cosmetic enchantment banishing my tears and snot as I hold onto an achingly familiar piece of home. My brother hesitantly wraps me in a loose embrace and rubs my back. I breathe deep, inhaling the scent of mushrooms and artfully musky male elf scent. Then I feel myself melt down there, and I hurriedly push myself away from him. I stare at his bewildered expression and blush at losing my dignity to such a degree.

"It is good to see you, Maeo."

He smooths down his husbandbeaten top awkwardly.

"I take it you've had a hard time out here? I haven't seen too much of the plane, but it seems... minimalistic."

I glance at Twilight, who is rolling her eyes at my brother.

"Let's just say I've had more than a few setbacks. At least I've been able to make a friend."

Lellmaeo sits down in a spare chair.

"You too, huh? I guess the curse did affect the whole family."

I blink.

"We've been cursed?"

Maeo shrugs.

"Remember four or five years ago, when Father made an eclipse because he was hungover? Turns out Lumena, Goddess of Light, took offense to that."

I facepalm.

"Dad..."

My brother chuckles.

"Yeah, so our family was cursed with bad luck. Then she sent some human archmage as her champion, who promptly seduced Father's advisors and deposed him. Last I heard, he is living in exile with an orc mistress."

I can't help but laugh.

"Dad, of all people, race mixing?"

Lellmaeo shrugs.

"He didn't have much of a choice, at least at first. By the time the binding on his magic wore off, he didn't want to leave what's her name."

Twilight pales.

"That's horrible! I am so sorry for your family!"

I exchange a glance with my brother.

"It's not so bad, Twilight. If dad really didn't want to be an orc's sex slave, he'd just kill her. At least it's easier on the royal funds than a drow mistress."

Lellmaeo blushes. Twilight stares at him.

"...do I want to know?"

He smiles sheepishly.

"We never did anything, since she was there for Father, but she showed me some training exercises and gave me a few books."

Twilight glances at me. I smirk.

"It was rather cute, like a duckling following a dragon. Glamour your fur black and your mane white and he'll be putty in your hooves."

Twilight looks at Lellmaeo thoughtfully.

"I'll have to try that."

His blush deepens. I blink.

"What about mom?"

Maeo takes a deep breath.

"Well, when the Champion of Lumena deposed Father, he sorta...took her as his chief concubine."

He visibly braces for my reaction.I frown.

"Is she...happy?"

Lellmaeo looks at me in surprise.

"Uh, yes, actually."

I stare at him.

"She actually said that?"

He shrugs.

"Apparently, every night is like a sleepover with the other concubines, the human cuddles after...and uh, he has a big d-"

I clap my hands over my ears.

"Enough! I really don't need to know about that. At least she is happy."

Maeo laughs, and Twilight is smiling. I let out a weary chuckle.

"So when are you two getting married or whatever?"

My brother looks at Twilight. She puffs up her tuft and looks me straight in the eyes.

"As the oldest reachable mare in his family, I am asking you for his hand in marriage."

Oh, right. I straighten up and assume a stern expression.

"Do you promise to take care of him when he is being an idiot, and to cherish him despite his weird fetishes and obsession with drow culture?"

Maeo squawks in protest, but Twilight nods gravely.

"I swear by my horn and heart, I will rein him in when needed and I always wanted a big testes goth coltfriend."

I lay a firm hand on her withers.

"Then I grant you my blessing to marry him, just don't come running to me about your sex life."

Twilight hugs me, nuzzling against my cheek.

"Thank you, this means a lot to me."

I give her a quick hug, then let her go.

"You're welcome."

Lellmaeo smiles fondly at me.

"The rural life agrees with you, sister. You are far more relaxed than I have ever seen you."

I shrug.

"It's not all bad out here. Once I find a way back, I think I will live here semi-permanently, just to escape the public eye if nothing else."

In the following month, I met with Cadance a few times, memorizing the spell matrix for summoning a soulmate from across the planes. I find it fascinating, the way it slips in and out of the four dimensions, incorporating familiar and utterly alien components. At long last, I am ready. I prepare an isolated room with cushions, snacks, alcohol of various types, and three different flavors of ice cream in a cold enchanted box. I open a portal to the patch of forest and cast the spell. At once, a roiling rift of pink plasma opens in the air, and I see shadows of countless figures flicker around it.

I stare anxiously for something, anything, to appear. Nothing. Not for the next five minutes, or the ten after that. I retreat to a luxurious chair and start sipping a wine that is half as old as I am.

An hour later, I have started in on the snacks, only keeping the rift in the corner of my eye. Three hours after that, the sun is beginning to set, and nothing has come out of the rift for me. I refuse to name the fear in my heart. When the moon rises, I haven't fully given up, but I am eating ice cream and reading neighponese comics by the pink light of the rift.

I wake up the next morning, not remembering when I fell asleep. I look around to find myself completely alone, the rift and portal having closed when I lost consciousness. My heart sinks. Across a nearly infinite number of planes, is there not one soul to complement mine? Am I still cursed, even though everyone else in my family has found happiness? Am I completely unlovable? Something inside me breaks.

I fall back on a cushion and tremble as tears are banished by my cosmetic enchantment. In a fit of pique, I dispel the enchantment. The warm, wet feeling of tears streaming down my face is oddly satisfying. I conjure a mirror and stare at it. I turn my head to the right and the left, admiring the glistening trails on my face. I am objectively beautiful; of that I am absolutely sure.

"I am beautiful. I have friends and family that care for me. I am powerful. I am brilliant. I am sexy."

Even as I say the words, they are as hollow as they are true. I dismiss the mirror, suddenly sick of seeing my face. I lay back on the cushion and close my eyes.

That is how Lellmaeo and Twilight find me an hour later. My brother zaps me with a sobering spell, which does almost nothing except make me sigh. Twilight looks at me in concern.

"I know you don't really deal well with seeing other ponies happy, but we still would love to see you at our wedding. You mean a lot to us, Lowyn."

Maeo nods seriously.

"We really need someone to spike the punch and harass the waitstaff, and you're the best woman for the job. Come on, put those years of apprenticeship under uncle Mordy to use."

I chuckle at that and slowly get up. I banish whatever residue accumulated on my skin overnight and summon my bridesmaid dress directly onto my body.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go."

I put on a smile that has a smidgeon of sincere emotion behind it. Twilight and Maeo exchange a glance, then give me a big hug. I sigh again, but with less ennui. When they let go, I give them a genuine smile, then teleport the three of us to the venue. The sooner I am done with this, the better.

After walking my brother down the aisle, the ceremony was pleasant, if boring. At the reception, I make sure to avoid the humans and my sto- liberated creation. For their part, they are happy to do the same, starting an arm and/or hoof wrestling tournament off to the side. Celestia is the first to come my way, her face a careful mask in front of all the nobility mingling around.

"I do believe this is the first Equestrian wedding you have attended. What do you think so far?"

Is that a hint of censure? It's impossible to tell, Celestia has too much practice in statecraft. I smile faintly.

"Every bit as tedious as elven ceremonies, though less ornate."

Celestia nods.

"...It's good to see you being social again. I had worried...well, perhaps we can meet for tea sometime and catch up."

I smile fondly at the old mare. She is far too much like my mother for her own good. I put a hand on her withers.

"I would like that. Maybe sometime next week? I'll have my secretary meet with yours."

Celestia looks at me in surprise, then with a subtle undercurrent of joy.

"I'm looking forward to it."

At that moment, I hear splintering wood, and Celestia sighs.

"I should go and tend to my husband's bruised hand and ego. See you next week."

I give her a pat on the neck.

"Until then. Good luck."

Moving on, I find Luna watching Krork suspiciously as Anon steps to the newly repaired table. I sidle up to her.

"There's no shame in losing to a golem in a test of strength."

Luna snorts.

"I am aware. But I suspect Krork is taunting them."

I nod.

"I have noticed humans can be... easily provoked."

She sighs.

"I suppose that is the price I pay for a husband so eager in the bedroom."

I'd rather she not expand on that sentiment, so I subtly lead her to the refreshments, which just so happens to have a punch bowl. I look at Luna with a gleam in my eye.

"Shall we see how refreshing the offerings truly are?"

I subtly flash a vial of 150 proof rum in the palm of my hand. Luna smirks, producing a hip flask from the pit of her wing. I cast an illusion to obscure my movements and pour my contribution into the bowl while Luna does the same with her booze. I take the ladle and stir the punch. Luna coughs.

"Sister is coming this way, act natural."

I drop the illusion and banish the vial. I idly wonder if the debris I scatter to random planes will seed them with life. Maybe I should do so more deliberately, so that future generations will benefit from more interesting wildlife to harvest. By the time I decide it would be too much trouble, Celestia is eyeing me and Luna with suspicion from across the table.

"Having fun?"

I am so glad my cosmetic enchantment banishes my nervous sweat.

"So far. Have you tried the cake?"

Luna snorts. Celestia shoots her a look.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I have. I would definitely recommend it."

Then Celestia picks up the ladle with her magic and pours the punch into her cup. Luna's legs are tensed to run, and I can practically taste the charge running under the surface of her horn. I’m not much better; I have my teleportation spell primed and ready. Celestia takes a sip and her eyebrows rise.

"This is quite good."

Then she winks at me and strolls away. I let out a long, slow breath as the adrenaline drains from my body. Luna chuckles ruefully.

"I'll get her next time."

I pat her neck.

“I'll be rooting for you."

The reception is markedly more enjoyable with most of the guests stumbling around drunkenly. Twilight and Maeo give me a grateful wave as they slip out in the confusion. I decide to follow their lead and head out. Canterlot at night is fairly pleasant, and I take a moment or two to admire Luna's work. If I am being quite honest with myself, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

But when I lower my eyes from the night sky, I still feel that emptiness in my heart. My eyes fall on a bar called "Rolls and Barrels" and I go inside to check it out. True to the name, the scent of alcohol and baked goods suffuses the barroom. As I walk inside, I vaguely recognize an earthpony stallion at the bar. I think I remember him from one of the families of Twilght's friends.

Compared to the rest of the bar, this island of familiarity felt a little more comfortable, so I sit by him and order a scotch whiskey. He glances at me as the bartender places the glass in front of me. I make a small gesture and reach into a rift to drop two ice cubes of elemental water into my drink. Gratifyingly, the stallion is visibly impressed. I smirk at him.

"I am Princess Ellowynelle, highest mage of the Silver Willow Order of Magi, mistress of all disciplines. Who might you be?"

He blushes and looks down at his martini.

"I am Caramel, your royal highness. I make confections in Ponyville."

Looking at him, he's not that bad. Lithe around the barrel, with a candy-maker’s thick thighs. Stars, all those dough gin sheets have warped my tastes in males.
Fuck it. I don't have a soulmate, so there's nothing wrong with playing around a little.

"A sweet name for a sweet stallion. Do you like seeing magic?"

He looks at me sidelong, trying to be coy.

"I may be an earthpony, but I live close enough to Canterlot that ordinary spells won't impress me."

I grin and spin a spell circle in the air and blow into it. My breath is converted into a swarm of multicolored glowing butterflies, swirling around him, and settling on his face before dissolving into motes of light. When the last fades, he stares at me in wonder.

"That was beautiful, I've never seen magic like that before!"

I preen a little at the compliment.

"Thank you, I composed the spell myself."

Caramel shifts a little on his stool.

"I'd love to see more, if you have the time."

I knock back my whiskey and stand up.

"Come on, I can't show you my best spells indoors."

As I lay on the grass beside Caramel, I set the sparks to gently rain down on the two of us. It's a nice break from the gouts of fire and shards of ice I was throwing around artfully, not to mention my other flashier spells. Caramel sighs happily.

"I don't think I'll ever forget this night. "

I wonder if he’d let me squeeze his butt now. He licks his lips.

"I don't think I told you why I like seeing spells like this, did I?"

I blink and try to pay attention.

“No, you haven't."

"Mom left when I was born, and Dad had to hire a babysitter for me while he worked. He was a unicorn, and he would practice spells while he babysat me. Little things like making my teddy bear dance or writing my name in glowing lines."

Caramel smiles fondly, staring into the night sky.

"He once spent an entire month working on a spell to make shadow puppets perform my bedtime story."

Then Caramel sighs.

"And when I turned ten, his family moved back to Canterlot. Dad said I was old enough to take care of myself, and I was. But that didn't make home any less lonely."

I reach over and hold his forehoof. I say, "I know a little of what that was like. My parents were too busy ruling the kingdom to take care of me when I was young, so I was raised by the servants until Uncle Mordy took me on as his apprentice. Maybe that's why..."

Why I am too broken to have a soulmate. Caramel turns to me and squeezes my hand with his hoof-grabby-field.

"I think we turned out alright. I'm a successful business stallion,"

“And I'm stranded far from home because I got drunk while showing off."

He reaches over and boops my nose.

"And you're the personal friend of the princesses, not to mention your thriving divination business. You should be proud of yourself."

I blink.

“I should be proud of myself, shouldn't I."

Caramel nods firmly. I smile at him and rub my thumb over the soft flesh of his hoof
He shivers, and not from the cold of night. I turn over and put my hands on either side of his head. He stares up at me, blushing demurely. I lean down and kiss his lips, long buried hopes and emotions rising like a tide within me. He tastes sweet, his clever tongue brazenly meeting mine for a passionate dance. I place a hand on his firm barrel, feeling his warmth and his racing heartbeat as he loses himself in the kiss. Eventually, I break the kiss and lean down to whisper in his ear.

"Shall I teleport you to my place? I have all sorts of spells I just know you want to...experience."

Something bumps against my elbow. I glance down to see he is out of his sheath. Caramel whimpers longingly.

"Take me."

I grin and teleport the two of us directly to my bed. I’m going to have fun

I wake up the next morning sticky all over, sore in a pleasant sort of way that I have missed these three long years. I glance over at my bedmate and give him a kiss on the nose. He scrunches in his sleep but doesn't stir. Adorable.

I really wore him out, didn't I? I gracefully shuffle out of bed and clean the worst of it off my body with a simple spell. Then I conjure hot, lavender scented water into the wide tub and ease myself in. I feel at one with the heat, utterly relaxed, practically melting. Then a ward pings, and I wave to let the auditory projection through.

"Good Morning, Cadence. I trust the wedding wrapped up well?"

"No thanks to you."

I can hear the amusement in her voice. She continues,

"Speaking of which, I had wanted to talk to you. I noticed you cast the Amore Infinitum spell last night, but you came to the wedding without a date. Why didn't you bring your destined mate?"

I groan and sink a little deeper in the water.

"Didn't work."

"...The spell fizzled?"

I sigh.

"No, it did everything it was supposed to do, except fetch me someone to love from across the multiverse. Apparently, I don't have a soulmate."

"Lowyn, what are you talking about? If no one came through the rift, that just means your mate is on this plane. Besides, I can feel your bond from here, you already consummated with your destiny."

What-

That-

I actually-

I start trembling, my mind whirling at the revelation.

"Lowyn? Are you alright?"

I laugh shakily.

"I met him in a bar. My soulmate."

"Well, that's how about half of ponies do it nowadays, yes. You should bring him over to the palace, I'm sure the girls and I would love to see you two together."

I rub my face.

"Sure, sure, I'll see you later. And thanks, Cadance. I...had sort of lost hope."

"You are more than welcome. There's nothing better than helping my friends and family find love."

The projection dissipates, and I lay my head back. A few minutes later, I hear the clopping of hooves on tiles.

"Mind if I join you?"

I wave absently, and feel the waters rise as Caramel slides into the bath. I raise my head to look at him, memorizing his contented face. I won't have as much time to spend looking for a way back home, but that's alright. I have a perfectly good home right here, with all I have ever truly wanted.