Discord and Searing popped into existence in. . . Somewhere. It was a very strange place. "Discord?" Searing asked with an edge to her voice.

"Yes, little unicorn?"

Searing calmly reached out with her telekinesis and grabbed a random thing to hold at Discord. "Where. Are. We. Now?"

"If you'll just put down that chainsaw and listen to me-" Discord gently pushed the power tool down and out of Searing's magical grasp. "-It's time for us to join in the fight."

"What?" Searing caught a shotgun Discord tossed her. "What fight?"

Discord turned Searing to face the enemy. "That's the enemy."

Searing became confused. "That's a car."

"It's not just a car. . ." Discord conspiratorially whispered. "It's an eeeeeeeviiiil car."

"Why?"

"It's full. . . Of bedbugs."

Searing was not amused. She dropped the shotgun, picked Discord up, and put him in the car. "I'll let them bite you."

As Discord panicked in the car, child safety locks engaged, Searing turned around and saw a chicken coop that wasn't there a minute ago. A post fell from the sky and embedded itself in the ground in front of her. On the post, undisturbed by the landing, was a clipboard and basket. The clipboard had two tasks: collect all the eggs with the basket and count the chickens before they hatch.

"Chickens don't hatch," Searing said as she walked away into the forest. She started looking around, and was distracted enough that she didn't notice the stand in front of her until she walked into it. "Oof!" She stumbled and fell to the ground. From her position, she saw that she was behind the stall.

"Azcuse moi?" A Prench accented chaotic voice asked from the other side of the stall. When Searing got to her hooves, she saw Discord dressed up as a waiter. "I am in need of zome wine. Do you have any?"

"You can take my entire stock, Discord." As Searing left, Discord picked up the stall and ran off laughing in Prench. "What is with this place?"

A short distance from where the stall was, an intense itch came over one of Searing's foreleg, forcing her to stop and scratch it. Just as the itch was relieved, a pile of Charmin fell in front of her. Additionally, there was a sign that said, "Mr. Whimpole is not around."

She looked to her side and saw a kitchen counter with a microwave on it. She opened the microwave and saw Discord's head there. "Can't a guy get a tan in peace?" He asked.

Searing closed the microwave and looked around again. Not far away were two stallions that looked like they were from ancient Roam playing Chinese Checkers while a gold and silver robot T. Rex with a crown walked past. "Discord?"

"Yesh, Shearing?" Discord said around a mouthful of ramen noodles.

"Is this the Warp?"

"Nuh." Discord brought the bowl up to take a bite of it, and accidentally bit off part of his lion paw, though he didn't seem to notice. He seemed to consider something for a moment as he tried to chew what he'd bitten off, then tossed Searing a pouch.

Inside the pouch were a bunch of wooden nickels and a note telling Searing to look for a Mr. Goodbar. Searing, already beyond fed up with the weirdness, swung the bag of wooden nickels up at Discord's lower jaw. "DISCORD, WHAT IS THIS PLACE?!"

Discord rubbed his chin from the impact. "I could retaliate, but I'll turn the other cheek this time."

"Huh?"

"Fine, I'll give it up. Here. Take it." He gave Searing a ship in a bottle. "Oh, I had a bunch of really good sushi recently. Let me tell you, it was good, and the service was spectacular."

"Did you leave a tip?"

"Ah - no, I forgot to do that."

Searing shook her head to get the encroaching Stupid out. "What am I doing?"

"Relax and go with it, Searing," Discord said as he slid up next to her. "It's easy, and it's alright." He put a lime sherbet ice cream cone on her horn. "We can be stupid all night!" It suddenly turned dark and both of them got traffic cone hats. "Let's go!"

Searing tried to ignore the ever-shifting weirdly colored polygonal path Discord was dancing along with her in tow, the cones on her head falling off on the way. Eventually, some degree of normalcy returned in the environment when it became a lab setting, Discord making her human and putting a small clod of dirt in her hands. "What now?"

"It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill, my volunteer!" Discord pulled a growth beam cannon from the ceiling and pointed it at the molehill on the dirt.

"No." Searing threw the dirt at the machine, causing both to explode and turn into cold milk. "What?" A sad violin came from Discord's direction. He had a mug of beer and was crying into it. "Are you crying over the milk?"

"No, the time for that is over," Discord said between sobs. "But enough of that! Scene change!" Discord threw down a smoke bomb and everything changed to a normal living room. Searing was alone in it with cardboard cutouts of Yang and two kids. In one of her hands was a letter from a PTA. In the other hand was a receipt for a pair of Sensible Shoe brand shoes and the paperwork for a new Chevrolet, whatever that was.

"I need a drink." Searing tossed the papers aside, changed back to her unicorn form, went through a door, and found herself in a tabletop game store. None of the people cared that she was a unicorn. She shrugged. "Eh, good enough."

What followed was a very nerdy party, filled with cards, dice, miniatures, and Searing discovering she had a credit card. She did the only thing she could think of with it: buy everything for everyone. Then, after a few hours and who knows how much unreal currency, she was broke. At the same time, animal control showed up and, after a brief fight, ended with her tranquilized and being dragged away.

She wasn't taken far before they released her deep in the wilderness at the edge of a lake. On the shore next to her was a stranded fish. Dazed and confused as she was, she easily gave in to the urge to spit on the fish. Her spit happened to contain a lot of her confusion (somehow), and the fish became a confused fish.

She left the lakeside and quickly found Discord with two hammers and a bucket of nails by a tree. "What are you doing now?"

He put a rough brown piece of something on the tree and nailed it on. "Isn't it obvious? I'm barking up a tree."

"That's not what the expression means."

"Come on, Searing. If a dog can bark up a tree, so can I. Oh, you won't believe this, but one of these hammers was free. I did have to buy one so I could get one free, but hey, two hammers!"

Searing turned and walked away. A few minutes later, she came across a candle store. On display in the window were an assortment of candles, all mounted sideways, all lit on both ends.

After a moment of looking at them, Searing heard some discussion nearby and looked over there. There were two guys and a horse with a bow on its head. One of the guys was looking in the horse's mouth for some reason.

"Hey, do you want to be my friend?" A bubbling voice asked.

Searing looked to the side and saw a mound of mashed potatoes as tall as she was. "What?"

"Come on, we can play all kinds of games," the sapient mass of mashed potatoes said.

Searing ran away, going into a high speed gallop immediately and weaving through the trees until she was on pavement, and even then, she did not stop. She passed house after house, and only stopped when she stepped on a banana peel on an oil slick over a patch of ice. In all defiance of physics and a continued defiance of logic, she went sideways at high speed and was launched through a window, only to land on a couch next to another cardboard cutout of Yang and the real Discord.

Unbeknownst to Searing, on a shelf right above where she landed, was a coffee trophy. On the base of the trophy was a plaque that read, "Best cappuccino espresso brewer," and to each side was an arrow pointing down to her.

"Ah, you're just in time," Discord said as he turned the TV on. "The show's about to begin."

"What show?" Searing asked, still dizzy from the launch.

"Leave It To Beaver." A black and white show came on seconds later.

A minute later, Searing was bored, but couldn't get up from the couch. It had spontaneously grown a safety harness around her the moment she tried to get away. Changing to her human form didn't help, so she stayed in her unicorn form. Resigned to her fate, she closed her eyes.

"Hey, Searing," Discord said during a commercial break. "What are your plans for the future?"

"A nap," Searing answered without opening her eyes.

Discord decided that a napping Searing was no fun, but the things to do were done, so he reclined, using her as a pillow, and snapped them out before she could object.

Author's Notes:

This chapter is stupid, amazing, stupidly amazing, and amazingly stupid.