Out at sea, in the mess hall of the Prickly Biter, Captain Chris turned to Searing. "Lass, I think it's time for ye to do ye trick."

"Alright." Searing got up and went over to the rug by the entrance to the mess hall. "Everyone, may I have your attention?" In a moment, she had everyone's attention. "I'll keep this brief." She turned into her unicorn form. "I am a unicorn, and I can use magic." The only sound that could be heard was the creaking of the ship as they crossed the waves. "Are there any questions?"

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" Jabberwock asked.

"Have you ever tried to walk on this ship barefoot? Same thing with hooves, but worse. Also, I didn't know how you would react, especially considering my first encounter on this ship." A sideways glare was directed at Dizzy, who acted perfectly innocent.

Jabberwock was about to counter, then thought better of it. "I think I got it. So what can you do?"

"I'm very good with fire, and I'm also very good at winning with fire." She turned back to her human form. "I also have an array of basic spells." She pulled a cut of Jabberwock's beef to her with a display of levitation.

"Can ye undo curses?" Captain Chris asked.

"I doubt it. You would need a more educated unicorn for that. No more questions."

The two weeks of sailing that followed had Searing's idle time filled with questions from the crew, or Captain Chris presenting treasures for her to analyze. Searing couldn't tell much beyond whether something was benign, benevolent, or malevolent, though. Her analysis of the crystal coconut's enchantments: incredibly benevolent.

Finally, they found a place to drop anchor and head ashore. Searing was more than happy to go with them. "What are we looking for again?" She asked as their rowboat made landfall.

"A stash of Spanish gold," Pick Rickle, the chosen head of the expedition, said. Dizzy, for whatever reason, had decided to perch on his shoulder. "The Mayans took it from them and put it in one of their tombs many years ago, so the story goes."

"Are we going to have to fight them?"

"Hopefully not, but we do have The Red Mist."

"Yeah, you do."

The trek through the forest was neither particularly easy, nor particularly difficult. After a couple hours of slogging through the greenery, they came across their goal: a lone Mayan tomb, complete with guards. Lots of guards. "Okay, what now?" Searing asked.

"Hmm. . ." Pick looked over the scene before drinking some beer. "Think you can turn them into red mist, Searing?"

Searing looked the guards over. "Not easily. It looks like they have wooden armor, and the whole Red Mist thing is better for cloth. We should be stealthy. And no, I'm not going to set them on fire."

"What if you seduce them?"

Searing punched Pick in the gut just hard enough for him to get the message without blowing their cover. "No."

"I think we'll have to fight them," a crew member said. "They're in the way of our treasure, we have the advantage of surprise, and we have Searing."

"Hey, the Red Mist thing-"

"Can work on their legs. No armor there."

Searing looked at the guards again and gave a quiet sigh. "We're going to use brute force, aren't we?"

"Yep."

"And I'm the one best suited for it, aren't I?"

"Yep."

After a few minutes of quiet debate, Searing trotted out of the forest in her unicorn form and stopped a distance from the guards. "Neigh," she flatly said.

The myriad of Mayan guards had no idea what to make of her, and were distracted. They were not distracted enough to not notice the rest of the crew running up to them with their swords drawn, and were able to get their axes up in defense. They could not, however, stop the flintlock pistols, and went down after a few rounds each.

"Whoo, we got past the guards. Yey." Searing levitated the bodies out of the way when she approached. "Let's get this over with."

The party made their way up the tomb, and at a plateau halfway to the top, a muscular Mayan, sporting heavily decorated heavy armor and hefting a heavy turquoise bladed axe came out of an opening. With a mighty battlecry, he charged at the group, causing them to scatter. When he swung the axe, it left arcs of electricity in its wake, and Searing could feel the power radiating from it. She wanted it.

When she had an opening, she went human, drew Sharkbite, and engaged the muscular Mayan. Instead of the hit and run tactic, she stayed close in order to get as many charged teeth into the armor as possible. Once her sword had only a couple teeth left on it, both near the tip of the blade, she quickly disengaged and let the explosions go off.

A mighty battlecry came through the smoke cloud and the warrior came out of it, his armor cracked, fractured, and broken, but still hanging on. The crew, being no slouches, capitalized on this and brought their swords and pistols up, stopping him with their blades before firing point blank at his head.

"Well, there goes my plan for a spectacular slice move," Searing said as the warrior fell to the ground and she sheathed her sword. She picked up the heavy axe and felt the power in it. "I'm keeping this."

"But can you use it?" Pick asked.

Searing didn't answer, going back to unicorn form and discovering that holding something didn't count as wearing it. With a sigh and an eye roll, she floated the weapon to the side and cast a light spell, illuminating the hall the warrior had come out of. It was very plain and unadorned.

At the end of the trapless hallway stood a stone door with a myriad of carvings on it, including a serpentine one that Searing had to do a double take at. It made her look between the carving and Dizzy a few times. The bird whistled an innocent tune under her glare.

Pick pulled out a chisel and hammer, went up to the door, and started working on breaking through it. Searing reluctantly stayed by him as everyone else meandered back to the entrance.

A few hours, three chisels, and one wave of warriors later, the door was finally opened. Well, it was more like it fell backwards and onto a bunch of stairs where it crumbled apart. Searing got rid of the rubble and the crew went down.

The worst hazard was the darkness as the stairs went down, down, down, down further than the base of the tomb. It took quite a few minutes to reach the bottom, and what they found was rather underwhelming: plain stone caskets. "You're sure we got the right place, Pick?" A crew member asked. "This is a little less than I was expecting."

"Of course it's the right place!" Pick proclaimed.

Searing went forward with her light, and the crew followed, not wanting to be left in the dark. After a few rows of plain stone caskets, they found something else: a large treasure chest in the clutches of a strange skeleton. Some of the men went ahead to get it, but stopped when the skeleton asked, "and what, pray tell, are you doing here?"

The men backed off. Searing did not. "What are you doing here, Discord?"

"Ah, Searing. I would say it's good to see you, but I'm just a skeleton right now. No eyes."

"Then how can you hear me without ears?"

Discord was about to answer, then realized he had no answer. The dust around his skeleton moved back into place and he was his draconequus self again. "Fine, you win. What would you like?"

"I want to go home."

Discord put a monocle on and looked her over with a magnifying glass. "Hmmm . . . No can do. You still have BPS."

"Ragh!" Searing pulled him into a chokehold and seethed out "How. Much. Longer?"

Discord shrugged. "Dunno."

Searing's temper got the better of her and she started pummeling Discord for all he was worth, until he was a much smaller size, then opened the chest and put him in it. "Let's go."

None of the crew, not even Pick, objected.

Captain Chris welcomed them back. "Ah, I see ye found the treasure." He then noticed everyone's moods. "Somethin' happen?"

Pick delivered the report. "There was a weird skeleton holding the treasure chest, and Searing apparently recognized it. Called it Discord. Then the thing came back to life, they talked, she beat him up and stuffed him in the chest. Seems there's some history between them."

Captain Chris looked over Pick's shoulder and saw Searing in her human form wrestling Discord, getting him down and very forcefully rubbing his face on the deck boards. "Looks like it."

"-And if you cause any trouble on this ship, I will personally keelhaul you like the landlubber you are!" Searing proclaimed as she stood up over Discord, who's serpentine body was tied up in a knot and his tail fluff was tied around his deer antler. "And I'll sell tickets to the crew so they can participate."

"Okay, I yield!" Discord proclaimed.

Captain Chris wiped a single manly tear of pride from his eye. "She's come so far."

Spyglass walked up to the captain. "Oy, Captain? You get the feeling she might be a wee bit too much into being a pirate?"

"What are you talking about?"

Later that night, as the Prickly Biter sailed northwards, Searing found herself sitting across from Captain Chris in the captain's quarters. "Lass, I need to talk to ye."

Searing shrunk a bit at the tone of voice. "D-did I do something wrong?"

"Nae, ye haven't. Spyglass voiced a concern he has about ye to me. Ye seem to have a bit much bloodlust and temper for a lass who's only been on the seas for a couple months."

"But. . . I'm a unico-"

"Lass, I don't care what ye are! Ye have a temper, ye have a deep bloodlust, and as the captain, I have to discuss this with ye before it gets out of hand!" Searing found that all the wind had vanished from her sails. "Ye be a valuable crew member, make no mistake, but I need to look out for everyone, as I always have. I'm not askin' ye to not be The Red Mist, but maybe ye could start leavin' Sharkbite in ye cabin a bit more."

Searing found her hand resting on the sword. "But. . . What if the Royal Navy ambushes us?"

"Out here in the open sea? Impossible. We got Spyglass. Close to shore? Maybe. If ye just leave ye sword and coat in ye cabin during the day out at sea, that should be fine."

"Alright."

Captain Chris figured it was time for a new topic. "So what's the deal with ye and that chimera?"

"What chimera?" Searing was now slightly confused.

"The one ye beat up and stuffed in the treasure chest. The one that's been entertainin' the crew. Colors like Dizzy, ye threatened to keelhaul him. . ."

"Oh, Discord? Yeah, we have some. . . History. Travelling. . . Kind of. He can tell you more. I'm not."

Searing's hat suddenly went up, and a pair of mismatched legs filled her vision. "Hello, captain," Discord said from his seat on Searing's head, her hat now on his.

"Discord!"

The chaos spirit gently pat Searing's head, freezing her in place. "Hush, Searing. The adults are talking." He turned to the captain. "If it pleases you, I'll tell you a bit about Searing."

"I'll listen," Captain Chris warily said.

"You see, she's fought quite a bit in her past. Why, she was fighting minotaur calves and beating them before she was five years old. It was when she started burning them with her magic and she found her talent that they started having some beef with her." A groan could be heard from Searing. "After they quite literally threw her out, well, she had to survive on her own. She grew up fighting, and she eventually found herself in military boot camps."

"Military?"

"She got kicked out of every single one after a few weeks for her jumpiness." Discord took a bit of joy in her worthless struggle to shout him down. "After one in particular, she met a person of importance by throwing her against the dirt. She bore no ill will towards Searing, and even offered a hand to her when she got booted from the camp. It wasn't long after that when she became almost unnoticeable, except to me. Since then, we've been on an adventure while she heals from the magical disease she caught. Don't worry, it won't affect you or anyone else here."

"I hope not. Now both of ye get goin'."

"Aye aye, captain!" Discord pulled Searing's hat back down onto her head and disappeared.

Searing shuddered for a moment when she was unfrozen. "Yes, captain." She got up and left the captain's quarters. It was going to be an early night for her.

The next day, Searing went without her jacket and Sharkbite. She felt more exposed without them, but at the same time, she also felt unburdened. She also wasn't getting as hot as fast, which was good too.

Discord had secured himself a position in the crew by determining exactly what the enchanted treasures they had could do. The crystal coconut was overflowing with good luck, the magic from it having permeated the ship and her crew over the years. It was a treasure worth defending.

After just over a week, they found themselves near land again and dropped anchor close to where a river met the waves. Nobody wanted to go exploring it, though. It looked like a swamp and there were crocodiles on the beach. They decided instead to stay for a bit.

A couple days later, some other pirates showed up, stopping within shouting distance of the Prickly Biter. "Ahoy!" The other ship's captain shouted. "Are you here for the treasure in the swamp too?"

Captain Chris stepped up to talk with them, but had to stop himself from laughing at the sight of their ship. Discord, meanwhile, slid up to Searing, who was having an even harder time trying to contain her laughter. "Hey, do you want to insult their ship?" He asked as Captain Chris started talking.

"W-Why?"

"I know of a song that's perfect for this." Without asking, he started talking with the crew, a simple enough task.

After talking with Captain Chris, Discord went back to Searing. "You'll feel the music in a few seconds."

A few seconds later, the crew, with Discord's help, sang a very insulting song.

Once the song was over, the other ship's crew was flustered and had no response. The captain did, though. "You dare insult my ship? Fire the cannons!" The cannons fired, the shots going just shy of twenty feet before falling harmlessly into the water. "We'll get even with you for this. Men, onwards! Treasure awaits!" The Prickly Biter's crew watched them pull anchor and sail upstream into the swamp. The other ship hadn't made it far when zombies came out of the water and started eating the ship.

"Captain?" Searing asked.

"Yes, Searing?" Captain Chris asked back.

"I want to leave, but I don't want to stop watching this either."

"Ye ain't the only one, lass."

Salty eventually chimed in. "Why, oh why, did he jump into the swamp?"

Pick followed it up. "He got mauled to death by alligators."

Discord finished the lines. "All singing chomp chomp chomp."

Silence reigned as everyone watched the zombies eat the ship while the big death lizards ate the crew. Once the crow's nest was gone, there was an unspoken agreement that it was time to leave and find somewhere a bit safer.

Two plunderings of Royal Navy ships and a few weeks later, the Prickly Biter pulled into port at Tortuga again, just as the sun was coming up. Searing was awoken by Discord after the ship stopped. "Gooood morning, Searing!"

Searing slammed her hand on his head. "Five more minutes," she sleepily said.

"Four."

"Three."

"Two."

"One hundred."

"Now that's just not fair."

"Shut up, Discord."

"Today's your last day here."

Searing was awake. "Wait, what?"

"We're moving on. New adventures await, after all. We leave this golden age of piracy at sunset, so you'd better make your announcement and get one more party in."

"Alright. How's my BPS, by the way?"

"Oh, that?" Discord snapped on a doctor's outfit and clipboard, then read the attached paper that was supposedly on the clipboard. "Let's see, you've progressed to a new stage, doing better, getting over it, blah dee blah dee blah, whatever, who cares?"

"Seriously?"

"I am not this Sirius Lee person you speak of. I am Discord. See?" He gestured to his nametag that read, "Dr. Discord (of theoretical heresy)".

Searing rolled her eyes. "I'll go get some breakfast."

As Searing went about her day on the ship, clad in her coat and carrying Sharkbite, she spread the news of her upcoming departure. It didn't take long for the news of her leaving with Discord to spread like wildfire.

Hours and hours later, but still ahead of sundown, Searing made her way to Nancy's tavern. Captain Chris hadn't exactly been subtle about it, and she strongly suspected it was a farewell party for her.

Her suspicions were proven correct the moment she stepped foot in the underground tavern. The whole crew was there, and they let out a raucous cheer upon her arrival. It wasn't long before the festivities and feasting began, the atmosphere one of both cheer and sorrow.

Later on at the pier, Searing found her ride: a small one seat pirate ship shaped pod thing attached to a wooden jet ski. Discord was already sitting on the jet ski and was wearing a disgustingly bright neon green life jacket. "Time to set sail, Searing."

"Are you ever going to give me a more. . . dignified ride?" Searing asked as she stepped into the pod and went unicorn.

"Yes? No? Mayyyybe?"

Searing sighed before turning to the crew. "It's been fun, guys. Good luck."

Captain Chris wove through the crew. "Ye forgot this, lass." He held out the turquoise axe from the tomb raid.

Searing considered it for a moment. "Keep it. Consider it a memento."

"Well, if ye say so."

A clear plexiglass dome suddenly appeared over Searing's pod, sealing her in. "Discord!"

"Ciao!" Discord throttled the jet ski and took off with Searing in tow.

Searing resigned herself to her fate. "Is there going to be more fighting wherever we're going next?"

"Who am I to say?"

"Fair enough, I suppose." Searing settled in for the ride and closed her eyes for a nap.

Author's Notes:

I wanted to work in a Pirates of Penzance reference, specifically the song With Catlike Tread, but that idea came after this was done. Maybe I'll use it in the future.