Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ewo8hMA7u05wrbysAxERXKtSJaolwC9UCFTR4KaE030/edit

We have a Discord here: https://discord.gg/fyynyfQ
They're working on art for a physical book copy now, if anyone's interested in joining the project. There are other people there who just chill and talk.

“So, what’s the truth about Pinkie?” Fleur immediately asked.

Twilight and I shared a glance. After a second, she rubbed her shoulder and looked back at Fleur. “It really is best not to discuss her. Just think of it all as a lie. You’re better off that way.”

“Agreed,” I said. “Just put her out of your mind and hope you can avoid her in the future.”

“You’re making it more and more difficult for me to just look the other way, but alright,” Fleur said. “Now that our business is finished, I have other things I should attend to. I’ll call on you again soon, my lady.”

“I might not be here, but I’ll definitely see you soon.”

Fleur jumped up to kiss me. I kissed her back, which made Twilight a little bit antsy. When Fleur pulled away, she nuzzled me for a moment before stepping back. “Stay safe, Navi. I know some unsavory types have been watching your house.”

“It’ll take a lot to get through my defenses, and even if I do get captured, Flo and Darya can track me.”

“I’ll never allow anyone to sully our lady,” Kat said. “So you need not worry.”

“Right, of course…” With that, Kat went to let Fleur out.

Before Kat could return, Doppel joined us and bowed. “You have a guest, my lady. She’s in the sun room.”

“I’ll talk to her. Has Taya left yet?”

“She has, I’m afraid. Did you run into trouble at Ponyville?”

“Twilight was being difficult, so it took a little longer than expected.” The named mare huffed at me, but that was fine. “I guess I’ll go talk to this guest, then.” Doppel bowed and Twilight and I walked into the next room.

The first thing I saw was the mare from the tower who lost her horn. She was sitting directly across from the door so she could see me as soon as I came downstairs. At the moment, however, she was staring down at the table, tears leaking down her eyes.

God dammit, I don’t wanna deal with this. Before I could turn around, Twilight butted around me and entered the room. Her stupidly loud hooves made the mare look up. The look on her face when she saw me was very… desperate. I considered walking away even though she had seen me, but internally sighed and followed Twilight to the mare.

While walking, I took a look around the room. Watcher, Sentinel, and some of their soldiers were surrounding a table. Luna was chilling at a table all by herself. So was Silver Quill, who apparently returned from her journey abroad.

I really didn’t want the mare from the tower to get too close to me, so I stopped at the far side of the table and said, “So, how can I help you?”

“I have… lost everything, Nav—er, my lady. With my horn went my position in the tower. With my position gone, I have no place to go. Without magic, I have no useful skills.”

“Nice sob story,” I said. “Now what do you want.”

Twilight swished me with her tail. “Nav, be nice!”

“Hey, this was her own fault,” I said. “If they had listened to us, none of this would have happened.”

“I am not here to blame you,” the mare said. “It was our arrogance that led to our fall. Our tower is now wracked with internal conflict. I am here with a warning and an offer.”

“Alright, I’m listening,” I said.

“I know that you had nothing to do with our dilemma, but there are many who believe you did. It is possible that some might pay you a visit.”

“The tower heads are against it, though,” I said. “Taya’s really enjoying her classes. Is this something we need to worry about?”

“She will be safe,” the mare immediately said. “All of the factions agreed that Taya is to be completely left alone. She is there to be educated, not used as a pawn. Her potential is too great to squander in such a way.”

“Forgive me if that doesn’t make me feel better.”

“Well, that is part of why I am here,” she said. “Despite my lack of magic, my breadth of knowledge is vast. I also still have all of my old possessions, including every edition of every magic book the mage’s tower has ever known.”

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere,” I said, grinning. I reached forward and pulled a seat out so I could sit. I scooched back in and leaned forward onto the table. “That sounds like just the beginning, to me!”

She grinned and finally used a tissue to clean off her face. It was obvious she was awkward with her hooves. I suppose a lifetime of only using magic would do that to you. “I would like to tutor your daughter,” she said. “Here, in your own house. She is gifted, my lady. With my personal attention dedicated solely to her, I could teach her volumes!”

“Uh huh. Twilight, thoughts?”

She joined me at the table, but she didn’t lean in. “That’s not too terrible of an offer, Nav. It makes sure that Taya is safe from the tower. And it gives this one a chance to atone for what she did.”

“And I get a stable livelihood again,” the mare said with the barest hints of a grin.

“So, question,” I said. “Well, first… Twilight, anti-lying, please?”

“Already done,” she said with a grin.

“Good, just checking. Now, on a scale of, I don’t know, one to ten, how much loyalty do you feel toward the tower now?”

“You have no need to mistrust me, my lady, though I do understand. I like to think of myself as a very honest mare. And after what happened in the book… a very humbled one. The fact that you endured that book without any preparation at all… is astounding. Truth be told, a part of me also wanted to study your abilities. You are like nothing the ponies have ever seen before!”

“I know, right?” Twilight said. “She’s so fascinating! And her behaviors are adorable!”

The mare’s smile immediately disappeared. “Well, I’m afraid we disagree there. The point is, I have no intention of ever lying to you. I do not know if I would survive the attempt.”

Holy shit, she’s completely horrified. Man, I’m awesome. “Alright, so answer the question. How loyal are you to the tower?”

Her gaze hardened and her lips tightened slightly. “They cast me aside after years of service. It’s like my opinion no longer even matters. I knew our arrogance was bad, but I never realized how bad it was until now. We have become blinded by our perceived power. Now that I have had a glimpse of how weak we truly are, they no longer desire my presence. They had no loyalty to me, so I have no loyalty to them. I no longer have a place in this world, my lady.”

“Alright, cool. Give me just a moment with Twilight, here.” Twilight used a wall of magic to cover the mare’s head. “Can you give her a horn with necromancy?”

“Oh yeah, that’s super easy. I was actually gonna suggest it soon.”

“Alright, cool. Can you propose that to her in a way that doesn’t seem super illegal or forbidden?”

“Yep, totally. You wanna do this?” I nodded and we both looked back to the mare. “What did Vilustuminen say to King Sombra before the final deathblow?”

The mare and I stared at Twilight for a few long seconds. “What did you just say?” I asked.

The mare finally blinked and shivered. “I give you a prophecy most dire, great warrior. Though you kill me, it will be your undoing. Rejoice now. Darkness lies ahead.”

“Good,” Twilight said with a nod. “I can use necromancy to restore your horn.”

“Wait, what?” I asked. “What just happened?”

“It’s a test, Nav,” Twilight said. “It’s used by the tower’s necromantic cultists to tell if someone is a member.”

“You joined a fucking cult?” I asked. “Why didn’t you tell me? That’s badass!”

She rolled her eyes. “I didn’t, Nav. I just know their code phrase. It was written in Celestia’s notes on Sombra’s spellbook.”

“Celestia knows about the cult?!” the mare said with a gasp.

“Yeah, and she has a list of all the members there, too. You’re not on it, though. I just had a feeling you knew about it too.”

“All of the seven do,” she said with a nod. “The alchemy courses are designed to slowly pick out who is fit for necromancy and who was not. Those who were ended up in special courses. Those who were not took normal classes.”

“Well, that’s creepy,” I said. “And none of them offered to return your horn?”

“Their base of knowledge is very limited,” she said. “We’ve managed to save very few necromantic books. Most are burned as soon as they are discovered.”

“And I have Grogar’s own magic book, along with all of Celestia’s notes on the subject,” Twilight said. “Plus a few books Athena gave me so I would leave her alone.”

“And… you can give me back my horn?” the mare asked.

“Well, you know… kinda. I mean, if we had your horn, we could absolutely reattach it with no issues. But without it, we can give you a horn.”

“…What do you mean, a horn? Why can’t you just regrow mine?”

“Oh, you misunderstand,” Twilight said. “This is not a healing spell. This is death magic. If you don’t have the original horn, any option you take is going to be cursed. It’s really just a matter of how much magic is worth to you.”

She stared at Twilight for a few long seconds before sighing and looking down. “Without magic, I am a nobody. I could bear any curse for the ability to use magic again.”

“Excellent, then this will be easy. So, now you have a few options. With option one, we use a blood gem to fashion you a horn. This will give you normal magic power for as long as the soul in the crystal has energy. Its level of energy will depend entirely upon how powerful the soul used to power it is. A squirrel could probably last you a few days. A dog, maybe a week. A normal pony would last a few months. A powerful mage could last years. A dragon could last you decades.”

“Oh, hey, I know where we can get dragon blood gems,” I said.

“You what?!” Twilight gasped. “And you didn’t tell me?!”

“It’s in Iceland! How are you supposed to get them?”

“Uh, magic? Duh. Between me and Taya, we can teleport our way through there with no problem. With the elementals to sneak us in, we should have no problems at all.”

“We’re gonna talk about that later, but this is option one. What’s option two?”

She shrugged. “We find another horn. Or build another horn, if we have to. Finding one would be much easier. Any graveyard would do.”

“What?” the mare gasped.

“What? You said you’d bear any curse,” Twilight said. “Because I wouldn’t be the one out there grave robbing. You want it so bad, you go get it. Of course, you would have to relearn magic with any new horn.”

The mare stared at Twilight in disbelief for an uncomfortable amount of time before sighing and looking down again. “And what about making a horn?”

“That’ll be very difficult. We’ll need several incredibly rare ingredients, including ground alicorn from at least fifty horns. However, your magic would be much more powerful and there are considerably fewer downsides.”

“That’s… awful,” the mare sighed.

“Hey, you asked,” Twilight said with a shrug. “If Nav allows us to get the gems, I would be willing to give you enough to craft a single horn. That will give you enough time to decide on if magic is worth enough to you to do the unforgivable.”

The mare seemed slightly stunned by that. To be fair, so was I. “That was so sexy,” I said, leaning in to hug her.

“Naaav, you’re ruining it!”

“I know. That was mean.” I let her go and looked back to the mare. “We have access to other gems, too. They aren’t blood gems yet, but that can be changed. I happen to own a gem mine. I can work something out with the changelings there and get us some.”

Twilight quickly cleared her throat. “Um, Nav… Make sure they don’t use drones.”

“…Thank you for reminding me. I really hate their culture. Anyway, yeah. I’m founding a university near the Everfree, which is also a project you could take part in. One of the classes I’d like to be taught is monster hunting. If they capture monsters, we can ship them to the changeling mines to be converted into blood gems.”

“That sounds like… quite the project,” the mare quietly said. “I suppose this is some form of natural justice. I have committed dire sins. Now I must sink deeper into darkness to regain any hope of being what I once was…”

“Yeah, my people call that karma,” I said. “If you do bad things, bad things happen to you. If you do good things, good things happen to you. Some places have whole religions based around it.”

“What are… religions?” she slowly asked.

Twilight giggled with glee. “Humans are just so fascinating! I’ll explain it to you later, but you’re gonna love it!”

I cleared my throat loudly. “Anyway, stop being dramatic. In the meantime, stack up all your books in the moon room on the second story. We’ll get some bookshelves set up so anyone can read them.”

The mare stared at me blankly for a moment before blinking. “You want…. You want these books out in the open?”

“I believe in freedom of information.”

“Another cute little human habit,” Twilight said with a giggle. “It makes Celestia so angry!”

“I can understand why,” the mare slowly said. “So can I have access to any of your knowledge as well?”

“Mine, sure,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t know much of jack shit, though.”

“That’s a lie,” Twilight said. “You know more mythology than anyone I know. You always seem to know what a monster is and how to take it down. That’s why you’ve survived for so long!”

“Alright, fair enough,” I said with a shrug. “Would you be willing to help put together a university? I think Celestia is also recommending some staff.”

“Most of my knowledge is relegated to magic. I can teach plenty of magic theory without a horn, but I can’t teach anything practical.”

“Magic theory is fine, since it probably ties in well with runecrafting. Speaking of which, do you know any runes?”

“I know a few basic runes, but I don’t have any specific knowledge. I do, however, have a copy of every book the tower has about runecrafting. That includes the very rare books about the creation of the floating structure above the tower.”

“Good. We have a minotaur runesmith working now to create all kinds of fun things, like golems, weapons, and appliances. He already has a bunch of ancient knowledge, but more information to fill in gaps is always good. We should get them to him quickly.”

“The ship has currently stopped to pick up resources, so there’s an active teleport circle,” Watcher said from where he was sitting. “We can get things to him for the next few hours.”

“That sounds like an interesting project,” the mare said, leaning forward. “It seems you have more fun than the mages at the tower!”

“No offense, but most of the tower mages need to get out more. Most of the ones I’ve met have been needlessly arrogant and overall rude.”

“Given my experience in the book, I’d have to agree,” the mare said with a sigh. “I guess if you need those books quickly, I’ll go have them brought here. Is there some room where I can store my other things? I don’t have much aside from my books, to be honest.”

“Kat.” She instantly appeared at my side, of course. “Take her to the second or third floor to find a room for her. And show her where to put the books when she gets back.”

“As you wish, my lady,” Kat replied with a curtsy. The mare stood and let Kat lead her away.

When they were gone, my shoulders sagged. “You think I should have asked her name? They never did tell me.”

“It would be rude, at this point,” Twilight said. “Just avoid getting in a position where you need to say it.” Way to support my bad habits.

“Impressive as ever, my lady,” Watcher said. “You managed to recruit a new retainer without even knowing her name!”

“That’s just how amazing I am,” I smugly replied. Unfortunately, Luna sat next to me moments later and leaned in fairly close. “Good morning.”

“You smell delicious, my lady,” Luna replied, sniffing deeply and licking her lips a little.

“I just got back from a bakery, so that’s not too surprising. While you’re here, I wanted to ask how your conversation with your tree sister friend went.”

“It went well.” She was so close I could feel her breath on my face. At least it didn’t smell bad. “She would like one of your seeds, but there’s no real hurry.”

“What’s gonna happen when I give her one? And why are you so close to me?”

“She’ll use that to give herself a new body. She’ll take on some of your tree sister characteristics, but none of your human parts. And… because you smell delicious.”

“Back up.” She did so, but made a point to pout about it. “What’s she gonna do once she gets a body?”

“First, she wants to learn more about the world as it is now. What happens after that will depend on what she discovers, but she’s already promised to do nothing to purposefully impede us.”

“Then I don’t see any reason not to give her one. It’ll be a day and a half, though.”

“Understood,” Luna said. “Forgive the selfishness of the request, my lady.”

“It’s forgiven,” I replied, booping her on the nose. “Are you heading out to the bunker soon?”

“I wanted to ask if you needed someone to take you to the warehouse with the objects recovered from the bunker,” she said. “It’s in a restricted military zone, so most ponies wouldn’t know the way. I can teleport you there instantly.”

“Well, that’s one of the important things I needed to do, so sure.” We all stood back up. “You going too, Twilight?”

“I’ve already looked over them, but I’d like to hear what you have to say about everything,” she said.

“Cool. Watcher, tell Kat I should be back soon. I don’t want her freaking out.”

“She might freak out before I get the chance to tell her, if you just disappear. Shouldn’t you take her with you?”

“We’re going straight to a military warehouse and then back. I can’t imagine needing guards.”

Of course, I didn’t have the chance to keep complaining. Kat was already turning the corner and power-walking back, a big smile on her face. “I heard we were going on a trip, my lady,” she sweetly said when she was closer. By the time she finished speaking, she was latched onto an arm again. Her entire very comfy body was pressed against my own.

“Did you already find a room for that mare?”

“Yes, of course. Aurora and one of the guards up front will use the wagon to help ferry her things back. W-were you going to l-leave me behind?” Her lower lip quivered and everything.

“Why are you even trying anymore?” I asked with a sigh.

“Because it’s fun!” she happily replied.

Your water elemental needs to get her shit together. “Whatever. Luna, let’s go.”

Her horn lit up and the four of us teleported off. We appeared right in front of a section of the palace I had never visited before. The two guards in front of the large gate jumped when we arrived, but calmed down fairly quickly. Then they realized who they were staring at and they tensed right back up.

“Lady Navarone would like to view the artifacts recovered from the bunker,” Luna said.

“One moment, please,” one of the guards said, the unicorn of the pair. The other was a pegasus. The unicorn’s horn lit up and a golden light scanned all of us. “You’re cleared. Go right on through.”

The pegasus pressed one of his hooves in a slot on the wall and the gate lifted open for us. “Please don’t take anything without notifying the quartermaster in charge of the warehouse. We need to make sure everything is accounted for.”

“Got it,” I said. Luna led the way in, so we followed her. Kat was eerily good at following me perfectly, of course.

When we got through the gate, everyone but Luna froze. “Was that a portal door?” Twilight asked as we looked around. From the other side of the gate, it looked like we were walking into more of the same palace hallways. As soon as we stepped through, we were a very well-lit cavern. It was large enough that several buildings fit inside, presumably the warehouses. Several guards were walking around and most of them noticed us as soon as we walked in.

“It was,” Luna said, finally stopping to look back at us. “When Celestia thought about where to put a large number of very rare items that she didn’t want anyone else seeing, she decided nowhere in Canterlot itself would be safe. So she hooked up a portal to the caverns under Canterlot, where Chrysalis sent you and Cadance. The guards constructed a few basic buildings. Most of the items are from the fortress surrounding the bunker. A single warehouse has been set aside for the items found inside the bunker itself.”

“The fortress had a few gems that I wouldn’t mind displaying,” I said. “That heart was awesome. But my main interest is what came out of the bunker. Flo said there wasn’t anything I’d particularly care about, but I doubt that’s true.”

“You do get sentimental over weird things sometimes,” Twilight said. “Gourd told me about the letter you sent at the North Pole.”

“Luna, lead the way,” I said.

“Yes, my lady.” She wasted no more time and started walking. As we went, all the soldiers were whispering like crazy. For one, I was a very famous hero. Two, I had a super sexy Kat draped on my arm. Three, I was ordering an ex-princess around, the same one who admitted to raping me. And four, they probably all knew I was the reason they were stuck guarding a big cave.

I ignored them, of course.

Luna led us straight to the second warehouse on the left. There didn’t seem to be any guards in front of the building itself, so she just pushed the door open and we let ourselves in. Four long rows of tables spread from one wall to another, with various things sitting a single meter apart. Three guards were walking around the tables, making notes on clipboards. A fourth guard was filling out forms at a desk right next to the door. She didn’t even look up as we walked in. I idly noticed that she was using one of the more rare click pens that I reinvented a while back.

“Is it okay if we look around?” I asked, taking a step closer to her desk.

“Yes, of course,” the mare said without looking up. “Just remember that all of this technically belongs to Lady Navarone, not us. She might well flay us alive if we break anything, so keep your hooves to yourself.”

“Hear that, Luna?” I said with a grin. The mare’s ears twitched when she heard that name. “Don’t touch anything. You too, Twilight. I might flay you alive if you use your hooves.”

I could see the mare’s face slowly turning bright red. It was going all the way up to her ears, after all. After a few painfully long seconds, her eyes darted up for just a moment. They widened and then shot back down. A second or two later, she groaned and her head hit the desk with a loud thunk.

“I’ll be back if I decide to take anything,” I said, not even trying to hide my giggle. She groaned again.

“Don’t be mean, Nav,” Twilight said.

“At least I’m not mean enough to flay someone alive,” I said. “I’ve only threatened to do that to a few people. I’m surprised to hear the guards repeating it.”

“You screamed it at the princess while she was in the middle of an incredibly important state meeting with another member of royalty,” Twilight said. “That was when you got angry about her trying to manipulate Taya behind your back. I mean, did you think that wouldn’t spread around?”

“Did I say that? I kinda sorta vaguely remember something like that.”

“...One of the guards on duty peed himself when he heard you say that,” the mare at the desk whispered.

“That’s the second or third time one of Celestia’s guards has wet himself in front of me,” I said, shaking my head. “One of those was definitely Celestia’s fault, though. Still, do you guys have any kind of training at all? Surely you have better self control than that.”

“That’s what happens when you dictate guard assignments off pedigrees instead of ability,” Luna said.

“No comment,” the mare said.

“I don’t mind commenting in your stead,” I said. “Most nobles I’ve run into are weak-willed trash. Some of them aren’t. Anyway, I’m gonna start browsing.”

The mare finally lifted her head off the table to look at me, though her face was still bright red. “If you happen to know any information about the objects, can you add it to the sheets?” she asked. “In front of each object is a clipboard with what we know about it so far.”

“Either I can do it, or I can dictate to Twilight so she can,” I said, poking my purple horse a few times. “She was curious to see what I knew about everything here, too. From a quick look around, I do at least recognize a lot of the stuff here. It looks like a lot of sporting equipment, though…”

“I noticed that,” the mare said, looking around. “Isn’t it so strange how similar they are to what we use?”

“Yeah, it threw me off when I first got here, too,” I said. “You’d think two civilizations would evolve completely differently given the species involved had different body shapes. But nope, you could find a third of the stuff down here in any gym…”

“We lined up the first table with objects we clearly recognized,” the mare said. “Things like baseball bats and trophies. We can’t read the writing without magic, but the words have already been copied. Objects we had some clue about are on the middle table, but we aren’t sure about some of the features or functions. The last table is for objects we don’t recognize the purpose of at all.”

“That sounds fun, so we’ll start there,” I said. “I already see two things I want from here. I don’t know what Flo was talking about.” This time, Kat and I led the way to the table. The first thing on that table was a miniaturized version of the Rosetta stone. “Twilight, what do you think this is?”

“It’s some manner of religious or government decree written in three languages. The decree itself didn’t seem overly important, so I was curious about why this was considered a cultural artifact.”

“This is called the Rosetta stone,” I said. Twilight lifted the clipboard and began to write. “These three languages are all fairly important, but two of them were forgotten in time. This stone is famous because we were able to use the third language to translate the other two. As you said, the decree itself isn’t important, but the knowledge we gained from translating it allowed us to learn a lot more.”

“I noted that on the clipboard here,” Twilight said. “With the extra context, I do understand the point of this artifact.”

The next item on the list was just as interesting, but I’m somewhat surprised it ended up on this table instead of the second one. “Luna, this is something you’d be interested in,” I said. “What do you think it is?”

“Some manner of nude… Wait a moment…” Her eyes narrowed and she looked closer. “Is this a very basic guide to humanity?”

“Bingo,” I said. “This is called the Pioneer Plaque. Copies of this were sent deep, deep into space, far outside the solar system. They were sent out in case they ever encountered living beings outside this planet. These two circles up here represent a hydrogen atom, which is the most plentiful substance in the galaxy. These circles at the bottom represent the planets and the sun, along with their orbit around the sun. These lines near the center represent nearabout where our solar system is in the galaxy as a whole.”

“...Humans were really thinking toward the future, weren’t they?” Twilight quietly said. She had been writing all of that for me, as well.

“Some of us. I’ll be taking this one.” We walked on to the next item, a little silver box. After a second or two of thought, I nodded. “This is a music box. If I’m right…” I reached down and poked around until I got a key to pop out. When I used that to wind the box, it started playing Jingle Bells. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling sadly.

“There’s no magic in this, right?” Kat asked, looking at the box in wonder.

“It’s all mechanical gears,” I quietly said. “The song is called Jingle Bells, played during Christmas. If I take it, I’d be too tempted to sell it so it can be reverse-engineered. I’ll let the museum keep this one. It’ll need to be climate controlled, though. The metal inside might rust otherwise.”

“Christmas, huh?” Twilight said. “...If you feel like you need to take a break, let us know and we can go back.”

“I’m fine for now,” I said, talking on to the next one. It was something that made my eyebrows lift. “Well now, a golden record? Someone was obviously a fan of space.”

“Was this also catapulted into the heavens?” Luna asked.

“Yep, it’s like the Pioneer Plaque. It’s called The Sounds of Earth. This one is a record with a bunch of sounds and images on it that we sent into space. I’d love to hear it play once, but I’d like to donate it to the museum in the end.”

“Why keep the plaque but donate the record?” Twilight asked.

“That record is as close to living history as we can get. I’d be honored to have it play in a museum. The plaque is only something you can appreciate if you know what it is. Also, it blatantly goes against Celestia’s geocentric view of the universe since it has information about the orbit of the planets.”

“Oh right, that could be a problem,” Twilight said.

“Next up, the three masks,” I said. “I recognize two right away. One is a mask from a movie called V for Vendetta and later popularized by rebels and hackers everywhere. Another is a mask of a famous ogre-type monster called an oni, which was used in war to scare the enemy and in plays to scare children. My first guess is that the last one is some kind of Hindu mask, but I’m not completely sure. If so, it would have been used in religious ceremonies.”

“Rebels with masks are annoying to deal with,” Luna said. “There was a time we had a law banning all facial coverings because of it. And you say this red mask was used in war?”

“Different warriors would style their equipment in all manner of ways. Masks weren’t incredibly uncommon, but things like that were mostly relegated to plays. I don’t know much about the purpose of the last mask, but it was probably used in important religious events.”

“You said Hindu before,” Twilight said. “Is that different from the religion you’re most familiar with?”

“Yes. I honestly don’t know much about Hinduism. It was mostly practiced in the land between where the dogs live and where the sheep live, which was on the other side of the globe from me. This mask was probably based off one of their gods, but I don’t know which.”

“You want to try one on?” Kat asked, picking up the oni mask.

“I’m not dumb enough to put on a mask that came out of a haunted hellhouse. That’s just asking to get possessed. Put that thing down.”

“We checked all of these items for ghostly influences,” Luna said. “I detected nothing.”

“Celestia didn’t detect anything on my cursed armor, either. Put the mask down.” Kat reluctantly did so.

“Do you want to keep these?” Twilight asked, looking down at the clipboard she was using to take notes.

“No. Let’s move on.” We walked to the next set of objects, which were all flags folded into triangular boxes. “Did you guys not even try to open these?”

“We left everything sealed,” Luna said. “Do you know what these are?”

“They’re flags.” I picked one of the boxes out, gently opened it, and unfolded the famous red, white, and blue. “This is the flag of my nation, the United States of America. It was called the Star Spangled Banner. The thirteen lines represent the original territories. The… wait, that’s a lot more than fifty stars. Oh, I bet we finally annexed Mexico or Canada. Well, the stars represent the number of territories in the nation. I’d really like to keep this one, but it would be rude to Celestia for me to have around the flag of a nation that once resided where we’re standing.”

“I don’t think she would care about something like that,” Twilight said.

“It doesn’t matter if she cares about it or not. It would still be rude.” I carefully folded the flag and put it back in the box. “From a quick look at the other four… This one is the Union Jack from the United Kingdom, one of the islands north of the Europe continent. This is from China, where the dogs currently reside. This is from Russia, north of China and east of Europe. And this last one is from Japan, an island off the coast of the land where the dogs live. In my time, the UK and Japan were allies, China was hostile, and Russia was mostly neutral as long as someone was watching.”

“Why are you so worried about whether having that flag is rude or not?” Kat asked.

“Appearances are important. At the moment, I’m one of Celestia’s vassals. I can’t go around displaying another country’s flag. My old country was a great place, but at the end of the day, it was just a place to live.” Texas wasn’t the best, but it sure was better than Equestria. “Let’s move on.”

“Is that an arm and a leg?” Kat asked.

“It sure is,” I said, picking up one of the prosthetics and looking it over. It was surprisingly light. “These are fake limbs. In fact, these are very high dollar fake limbs. Flo, take a peek inside.”

A sliver of water seeped out of my fingers and darted into the arm I was holding. A second later, it started waving at us. She followed that by groping me. The water slid back out of the hand and through my dress so it could enter my flesh. The hand lost all life a moment later and limply released me.

“Yeah, it looks like these things were capable of interfacing with nanomachines to replace a fake limb with a full range of motions. They might have even been capable of simulating actual feeling.”

“That’s incredible!” Twilight said, her eyes wide. “Creating life itself was impressive enough, but being able to replace lost limbs that effectively? That’s something it takes a whole host of powerful unicorns to even attempt!”

“It took a whole host of humans to attempt it, too,” I said. “But once they were done, they were able to market things like this so a lot more people have access to them.”

“There is necromancy for similar effects, but the results are less than perfect,” Luna said. “Machine replacements seem better.”

“Agreed,” I said, finally putting the arm back on the table. “I have no use for these. If I lose an arm, I’ll borrow Blaze, drop him in some lava, and regrow the thing in a flash.” I stepped on down to the next large group of objects. “These here are computers. After seeing the devastation in the other bunker, I didn’t expect to see any of these things whole.” I grabbed the closest one and popped it open. Twilight jumped in closer to watch as I fiddled around for a few moments before pulling the hard drive out. “Flo, you wanna show off your leet hacking skills?”

“There’s nothing on them,” Flo replied in my head. “From the looks of it, all the information was stored on a server. The hard drives themselves existed solely to host the operating system, drivers, and a few basic programs that had their databases on a server. We haven’t found any servers yet, unfortunately.”

“I see. Twilight, can you bring me a screwdriver?”

“Yes, of course,” she said. Her horn lit up and both types of screwdrivers appeared. I set them on the table and started taking components out of the computer and explaining their uses to the onlookers. At this point, the three patrolling soldiers also gathered around for the lesson. Some things had changed since my time, but most of it was the same. I imagine the higher end servers and computers would probably have more parts I wouldn’t recognize, but there’s no telling if I’d run into one.

The basic explanation of all the parts took about fifteen minutes. When all was said and done, the guards laid out all the individual pieces with their own small descriptions. They started fiddling with one of the other computers while we moved on to the next object.

“I bet you can guess what this one is,” I said, looking at it with a grin.

“It’s like your gun, is it not?” Luna said.

“Correct,” I replied, picking it up. “This is a gun called a rifle. Let’s see…” I popped open the bolt action chamber to take a peek inside. It was clear of rounds, but there was a small tag with information about the gun. “Looks like a 6.5. The scope is decent. The coat is… Wait a second… Surely not… No way!” I looked at the rifle in my hands with a mix of reverence and fear. “H-how did they even get this?”

“Is this model special?” Twilight asked.

“You know how I said my nation didn’t have kings, but instead had something called a president, right? I’m pretty sure this rifle was used to assassinate one of them. This is supposedly the gun that killed John F. Kennedy. This was about forty or so years before I was born. I thought the government owned this gun. Maybe this is just a replica?”

“Can we shoot it?” Luna asked. “I want to see how different it is.”

“No, I don’t have any bullets,” I said, holding it up so they could see the chamber. “This is where a bullet would go. Then you would slide this closed like so.” I closed the bolt. “Some guns have something called a safety, where you can’t just pull the trigger. You have to disengage it to do so. Once you do, you can fire.” The gun loudly clicked as I pulled the trigger. “I’m absolutely keeping this, at least until we can find an armory with more and better weaponry. I can carefully break this thing down and let Jak duplicate it. I’m pretty sure we can find a way to propel spikes with runes. We can use this as the basis for a new magitech rifle.”

“Are you really sure you want to try reproducing weapons like this?” Twilight asked.

“Sword fighting is fun and all, but nothing beats trampling all over basic human rights by eliminating an entire enemy army with a massive technological advantage. How are we supposed to imperialize the fuck out of Tartarus if we don’t have a huge edge over the demons? If we aren’t careful, we might be the ones who get culturally enriched.”

“...I’m not entirely sure what you just said, but I’m pretty sure I should be offended by it,” Twilight slowly said.

“I understood it perfectly, and it’s nothing to be offended over,” Luna said with a grin. “Our lady is correct. We must prepare adequately for our invasion, lest we fail and get counter-invaded.”

“Let’s move on to the next one,” I said, walking to the next group of items.

“These three came as a set, but we don’t know their purpose,” Twilight said.

“It’s called the Baghdad Battery, but this isn’t the original. Put the copper inside the pot, put the iron inside the copper, and fill it with the right liquid, probably a kind of acid, and you’d get a small amount of power. It’s supposedly enough for electroplating. Basically, it’s a very primitive battery, though we don’t know if that was actually its intended purpose.”

Twilight had me spell out a few of those words for her, then we moved on without fuss.

“This next object was very interesting,” Luna said. “It looks like a very tiny skull, does it not?”

“It does,” I confirmed. “I’m not sure why they decided to preserve something like this, but it’s called an Aztec Death Whistle.” I picked it up and rubbed it off on Kat’s dress before looking around. “Hey everyone, listen up! I’m about to make a horrifying noise. Don’t wet yourselves, please!” The guards glared at me right up until I blew from the whistle. Their glares immediately turned into stares of horror. For reference, the whistle sounds like a loud, high pitched war cry.

“You said it’s a death whistle,” Luna said when the noise stopped echoing. “Is it cursed?”

“I sure hope not,” I replied, putting it back down. “Between this continent and the continent with the spiders, there’s a thin landmass connecting the two. The Aztecs lived there a few thousand years before I was born. Their culture was very warlike and their religion demanded live human sacrifices. Because of that, their main goal in battle was to capture people alive. They accomplished this in three ways. First, before starting battle, all their warriors blow on whistles like this one to scare the enemy. Then, when the battle starts, their warriors use brutal weapons covered in obsidian to tear the front ranks of the enemy apart, further lowering morale. Then when the enemies start breaking, they switch to less lethal weapons like clubs and nets.”

“That’s… awful,” Twilight whispered.

“I’ll be keeping that whistle,” I said as I continued walking. The next object made me freeze in place, though. “Oh…”

“That looks like another gun,” Luna said. “A much smaller one.”

I carefully picked the revolver up and hefted it in my hand. “This is my grandfather’s revolver,” I whispered.

“Are you serious?” Twilight asked.

“It’s a family heirloom. I knew it as soon as I saw it.” In a flash, I broke it open and checked. As expected, it was empty. I eased it shut with a snap and looked down at it. Despite being an heirloom, it honestly wasn’t that fancy. The only thing of note on it was the heavy ivory grip. That and the fact that it had been in the family since the Civil War, apparently.

“Well, the other you did live there,” Twilight said. “So I guess it’s not that big of a surprise… But what an amazing find!”

“Flo, why did you say there was nothing important here?” I asked.

“This wasn’t here the last time I visited,” she replied.

“I’m not sure where this even came from,” Kat said. “I don’t remember seeing it in the loot storage area of the bunker.”

“I don’t remember it either,” Luna said. “And I go down with more than half of the teams that pull artifacts out. It must have just come in today.”

“I’ll be taking this one with me when we leave,” I said, setting it back on the table.

“I’d be happy to carry it for you now,” Kat said.

“...Seeing it here truly does make it sink in,” I said. “Anonymous is dead. I’m just an echo. A part of me doesn’t want to let this thing out of my sight, but another part of me wants nothing more than to get away from it as fast as possible. No one but me is fit to wield this thing, but do I really count as family?”

“Your memories are real, my lady,” Luna said. “That is all that matters. You should be happy that you found something capable of evoking such strong emotions, especially since it’s an heirloom you thought long lost.”

“I’m definitely grateful and happy to see it again,” I said. “And I’ll definitely see what I can do about getting some bullets made for it. I bet they could be made with magic if I can find the right craftsmen.”

“I’d offer, but I don’t have that kind of ability,” Twilight said. “I’m sure one of the ponies on the ship with Jak could do it, given the correct materials.”

“I’m sure Jonathan can find everything we need. Let’s move on.”

The next item was a book encased in some kind of vacuum sealed container. It was genetically locked, but that was nothing for the elementals. “We decided to wait to unseal things until you were around,” Twilight said. “All we can see of this is the front cover, but we have no idea what the book itself is.”

I placed my hand right in front of the lock. “Darya, would you do the honors?” A moment later, the lock quietly chimed and the container hissed as the seal released.

When I pulled the book out, everything inside of it transferred to my head. “You’re welcome,” Flo said. “It’s the Gutenberg Bible.”

Jealousy is unbecoming of a lady. Let me use Darya as I please. “This is called the Gutenberg Bible,” I said. At the moment, I was still mentally digesting the huge dump of words Flo pushed on me, but that didn’t stop me from talking. “When the printing press was first invented and mass production of books became possible, this is one of the first things spread. It’s a sign of humanity’s dedication to the spreading of knowledge.”

“Is a religious text really a sign of knowledge, though?” Kat asked. “From what you’ve explained of religion, isn’t it mostly emotional?”

“There is wisdom to be had in religion,” I said. “Twilight, would you be interested in explaining, or should I?”

“I don’t have the chance of explaining?” Luna asked. “I actually helped build one, according to you!”

“I’d be happy to,” Twilight said, ignoring Luna. “There are several similarities in the religion Princess Celestia built and the religion described in the Bible Nav holds. Some of those similarities hold the key. Christianity’s fruits of the spirit go hand in hand with Celestia’s magic of friendship. The core message is harmony, the opposite of discord. In essence, it’s the answer to saving the world.”

“In Christianity, the core messages are love of your neighbor, forgiving others, and being humble,” I added. “Those also happen to be several very good ways of making and keeping friends. If you can keep kindness in your heart, you can make the world a better place for everyone. That said, now that I know the truth about the lakes of magic that spawned powerful humans, I no longer believe in gods. Especially since I’ve met a few. The beings worshipped in religions were all likely just powerful creatures, either human or magical. Anyway, I’m not interested in keeping this one.”

I set it back in the box, but didn’t seal it again. The ponies would need to analyze it later and they might have issues opening the lock.

“The next items are of particular interest to me,” Luna said. “Tell me, what are these?”

“Before I answer that, I want to know why you’re interested,” I replied, looking down at the item on the table before me.

“There’s a very peculiar kind of magic in them.”

“Wait, there is?” Twilight asked, narrowing her eyes at the deck. “What kind?”

“One of the most difficult there is to master,” Luna said. “Fate magic.”

“Are you kidding me?” I asked. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“It’s faint, but it’s there,” she said. “Apparently humans did possess some form of magic, though using an artifact this weak would be difficult without fine magical control. At best, you’d get things you’d predict with perfect accuracy about a fifth of the time, assuming no proficiency at all. You’d probably get partial accuracy two fifths of the time. The other two fifths would be completely inaccurate. But to one with training, the accuracy would go much higher. My lady, do you know what this relic is?”

“They’re called Tarot cards,” I said with a sigh. “This seems to be a high quality set of metal cards, at that. There are two uses for cards like these. The first is for card games. The second is for divination. Or as Luna calls it, fate reading. All this time, I thought it was complete nonsense. And yet…”

“Fate is magic, like anything else,” Luna replied, smiling. “That means it requires belief. The fact that humans believed it worked is what gave it the power it had. If you put these cards in my hooves, I will learn to use them very effectively.”

“Then we’ll keep them,” I said. “But I’m iffy about messing with fate, so only inform me if something bad is about to happen. I can look up the meanings of all the cards later on my laptop.”

“Understood. I will make you proud, my lady.”

“Good.” Though I’m slightly worried about the implications. I recognized the next object immediately. “This is a marble chess board. Let me see…” After poking around, I found I could open the top. Several very intricately decorated black and white marble chess pieces were inside.

“These are beautiful,” Twilight said, floating up the white knight for a closer look. “I figured it was some kind of game, but I haven’t had the time to learn the human ones you reinvented.”

“Chess is a marvelous game,” Luna said. “When Shining Armor reported it to Celestia, she immediately showed it to me. Once we both knew the rules, we spent a few nights playing in our dreams.”

“I’m not a fan, personally,” I said. “Luna, you want this set as a present? Playing with others in the house might be a good way of getting closer to them, as long as you aren’t too mean about winning all the time.”

“...I’m hardly worthy, but I’ll happily accept,” she replied with a small grin.

“I’m definitely willing to learn,” Twilight said, setting the piece back into the case. “Well, if I ever get time away from research, adventuring, and writing…”

“I would say you need to make time to relax, but you probably do find all of those relaxing,” I said. With that, I set the lid back down. “Still, though, it would be good for you to find time to just shut down for a bit. A chess game is a decent enough way of doing that. You’re smart enough that you could probably pick it up quickly. You could easily get good enough to beat your brother. Then you could rub it in his face that you’re better than him in yet another field.”

“You’re not exactly making me excited to play,” she sighed, hanging her head. “It’s not like I’m trying to be better than him… Being a prodigy can be hard, you know? I mean, he’s a prince now, right? That’s something to be proud of, isn’t it?”

“Blueblood was a prince, too,” Luna said. “So I’m not sure the title really carries any pride with it anymore.”

“It’s okay,” I softly said, gently patting Twilight on the head. “Shiny’s come to understand his inferiority. Unfortunately, that understanding may have come with some strange fetishization.”

“...Did you really learn anything from that Coma?” Twilight quietly asked, finally looking up to cast a very dubious stare my way.

“Of course.” I said everything quietly enough that the guards couldn’t hear.

After a moment, she looked over at the guards who were still happily pulling the computer apart, completely none the wiser. That made her sigh. “I would really appreciate if you wouldn’t mention my brother in a sexual context around me,” Twilight said. “Please.”

“I’ll do my best, but those comments really do just slip out.”

“Like Cadance’s strap-on?” Luna happily asked.

“I wasn’t the one who said it, so stop glaring at me!” I said. To be fair, Twilight was probably glaring because of the smug smile I was wearing, but it still didn’t seem very fair. It’s not like I secretly used Darya to tell Luna what to say or anything…

“Shall we move on?” my precious Twiggles asked through gritted teeth.

“Let’s,” I said with a nod. We moved on to the next one, which I stared at for a few long moments. “Hm. A big circle made of rock… Angry face in the middle… Points like a compass… Intricate and spooky all around, so probably south or central American or African. Flo?”

“It’s an Aztec calendar,” she said.

“Ah. This was made by the same people who made that whistle. This culture had some very advanced calendars for their time. This is one of them, an Aztec calendar. I have no idea what any of these symbols mean, though. I’ll use my new Flo brand printer to spit out more info if the museum is interested.”

“This thing is eerie,” Kat said. “That culture was awfully violent.”

“Yeah, I don’t think too many people were shedding tears when they got race war’d out of existence,” I said. The next object beckoned, so on we went. “This is a shield. I guess it would make sense that ponies wouldn’t be able to use this, but… I’ve seen dog mercenaries in Canterlot with shields. Do the guards seriously do no cross-racial training at all?”

“Of course not, my sister wanted them weak,” Luna said. “Most of the guards exist almost entirely to keep ponies honest. They do a little to deter serious criminals, but Celestia has special units she uses for things like that. People like you, for example.”

“Celestia has other pawns like me?”

“You’re a lot more powerful than one of her pawns now, Nav,” Luna said.

“It’s time to start using that power for something. I need to kick the guards into shape. Anyway, this shield is incredibly detailed. It has some Christian imagery like crosses and whatnot, so it was probably some European king’s ceremonial shield. I don’t know enough to be able to say which, though. This looks pretty, but I don’t really have a use for it. The museum can have it.”

“Say… does this count as grave robbing?” Twilight asked.

“No, it’s past the statute of limitations,” I said. “This is archeology. Let’s move on to those cell phones.”

“What are cell phones?” Kat asked. “And why have we found at least one in every expedition?”

“The answer to that might be a little long,” I said. Twilight used magic to summon more paper and got ready to write. “First, a phone is a communication device that you can use to speak to another person anywhere else on the planet, as long as you have a connection to them. This connection can come in the form of wires that directly connect devices to each other, a tower that broadcasts a wireless signal, or even a satellite in orbit around the planet that can beam the signal from one location to another. In the beginning, phones were rooted to one spot and connected only by wires. Eventually, they transformed into portable versions that used signals sent out from towers. Those were cell phones. Devices that you can keep in your pocket to pull out at any moment and contact any other person on the planet.”

“That certainly seems like an important tool,” Luna said. “Why wasn’t it heavily restricted?”

“Because there was a metric fuckton of money to be made from selling them, of course. And later on, something else was invented, something called the internet. It’s extremely difficult to explain without spending several hours, but essentially it was a huge warehouse of all the information on the planet. And I do mean literally everything, but there were restrictions on a lot of it. And this warehouse did not exist in physical form, but in the form of data stored on things like those computers over there. Eventually, it became possible to access the internet on those same cell phones. Suddenly, every human with a cell phone had access to all of the information on the planet at their fingertips at every moment. In my country, almost every family could afford at least one, and most had several.”

“That’s incredible!” Twilight shouted. “Surely this led to amazing achievements!”

“Yep. And since all of this data was virtual, meaning it was limitless, there was an infinite room for growth. There were all kinds of services on the internet. I could pull out my phone, go to the internet, place an order for almost anything legal I wanted, pay through a banking service that was also hosted entirely online, and have it delivered to my door within two days. This led to two things. First, an incredibly convenient lifestyle where you could get basically whatever content you wanted whenever you wanted, as long as you had the means to consume it. Second, a theoretically infinite economy since the internet could both make and consume money. Its advent changed everything and society was still struggling to deal with those changes when my memories end. I mean, some kids were showing signs of addiction by visiting some sites. It was a huge mess. A whole lotta fun, though…”

“Is that something you think you’d want to recreate here?” Twilight asked.

“...I wonder. It enabled an incredibly convenient lifestyle. It caused a huge amount of problems. It also solved a huge amount of problems. I guess the issue with the internet is that absolutely everybody was on it, from all walks of life. That meant there was a whole lot of head clashing going on. I would like having access to it again, but I’d need to have a long talk with Celestia before deciding how it would be implemented. That’s the kind of thing that can make or break a society. Literally. In my time, revolutions had been organized and led online, since tracking data can be really hard. And since there was a lot of money to be made, there was also a lot of money to be stolen. But I think that’s enough about the internet, at least for now. Do you understand what a cell phone is, Kat?”

“You say they use signals from towers. What kind of signals?”

“Did you see the radio on the ship in action?” I asked.

“Indeed. Do cell phones use the same waves as radios?”

“No, but they’re similar. To be honest, I don’t know all the particulars, but you can think of it as invisible data just drifting in the air.”

“That’s not a very helpful description, not gonna lie,” Twilight said. “Data can be a lot of things.”

“Well, get over it. In my time, cell phones had batteries as power sources that needed to be plugged in to charge.” I picked one of the phones on the table up and looked it over. “It doesn’t look like this has anything similar. I don’t see any ports on it at all, actually. These probably either charged wirelessly or just didn’t ever die. Flo, were you able to recover any information?”

“Nothing but personal data,” she said. “Anything useful was kept on the servers.”

“Oh well.” I set the phone back down and moved on to the last group of objects. These were all rings of various makes, each very beautiful. “These are rings.”

“That… does make sense,” Luna said. “I figured they probably were, but pony rings are much larger.”

“I’m not a jeweler, so I can’t appraise them. And I’m not a fan of jewelry, to be honest. Luna, would it be easier to make a new magic ring or make an older ring into a magical ring?”

“It’s easier to make a new one. Different magical effects work better with different metals. If you want a specific effect, you can build the ring from the ground up with that in mind.”

“Then I have no use for these,” I said. “Let’s move to the second table. This first object is… a Roman gladiator helmet. Rome is a country that started where Ponitaly is now. Eventually, it covered most of Europe, a lot of north Africa, and a large chunk of the middle east where the sheep are now. They had coliseums where gladiators could fight to prove who was best and to make money. Some fights were to the death, some weren’t. There were also periods where they would force slaves to fight to the death for their amusement. This helmet would have been worn by someone who won an important tournament.”

“...They had enough paws to force slaves to fight to the death simply for amusement?” Kat asked, her claws extending just a little.

“Think how much territory that is,” I said. “The Romans had a warrior culture and their nation was built on conquering other lands, turning everyone who didn’t resist into Romans, and turning all the dissenters into slaves. Obviously, there were a whole lot of dissenters. There were also people who became slaves because of debt.”

“Humans were geniuses,” Luna said, her eyes aglitter with joy. “Monetizing the suffering of their own kind! Ah, if only my sister and I had thought of it… We always just killed our prisoners! Oh, what a waste… Oh, the possibilities!”

“Blaze, do your job.” Luna continued being happy, but did so silently. “Let’s see… Oh, next up is a coin collection.” There were hundreds of them spread out across the table in no particular order. Most were coins I recognized, things like quarters, nickels, and dimes. However, there was also a single piece of a ton of foreign currencies from various places and time periods. “This is… pretty extensive. Wow. Twilight, if I show you a few coins, can you use magic to group all of those together?”

“I can, but it’ll take a few seconds longer than Rarity.”

“Well, you won’t complain as much about it, so I’m happy to wait those few seconds. First, this is a quarter.” I picked one up and she gathered together all of those, though some had different faces and shapes on the back. “Each one of these is one fourth of a dollar. Next, dimes, which are a tenth.” Twilight quickly gathered all of those up. “Then nickels, which are a twentieth of a dollar.” Those gathered together even faster. “Finally… there’s only five pennies. Oh, I bet they finally stopped making them. Pennies were a hundredth of a dollar, but they cost more to make than they were worth and most people didn’t use them anyway. There are a few dollar coins in here, and a few half dollars, too.” I pushed all of those to the American money side. “Everything else is foreign, from various time periods. Flo can give more info later, if anyone’s interested.”

“Were dollars the human equivalent of a bit?” Twilight asked.

“Essentially. Gold is heavy. Carrying a bag of it around everywhere sucks. Dollars are paper, so it’s much easier on the pocket. Originally, the value of the dollar was tied to the value of gold in a country. That was called the gold standard. At that time, you could still use gold in place of dollars at most places. Eventually, the gold standard went away. In my time, each nation’s currency value was roughly equivalent to their level of world and economic power, with some notable exceptions. And instead of carrying actual paper currency, you could carry a card that was tied to a bank account. Whenever you bought something, you could pay with the card and the money would come out of your account.”

“...I’m understanding more and more why you were so depressed to end up here,” Twilight said. “Our society and culture must have been so boring and inconvenient after living in a world like that.”

“There’s a reason I didn’t forcefully stop Rarity from spreading manga. While it’s not to my personal tastes, after spending a few years in your library, I learned that most pony books are boring. The main characters win with no issues, everything’s always warm and fuzzy, and the bad guy usually just learns a lesson and gets away with no consequences after suddenly becoming good. It’s the same reason I started translating books. This time period is woefully lacking in fun distractions. I guess that’s just a side effect of the strangely low population. I mean, even human cities in the Aztec nation had more people than Canterlot. You guys seriously need to start getting it on more.”

“My sister wanted to keep the population stable, since she could barely keep things under control without my assistance,” Luna said. “She didn’t do anything evil, but she definitely did something to stymie the general population growth of our country.”

“Then it’s time to teach her delegation. Anyway, let’s move on.”

The next set of objects we found were crosses. There were only four, but all were very nice. One was a heavy plain silver cross. One was a heavily ornamented gold cross with a diamond in the middle and rubies on all four ends. One was made of marble and had a thorny crown of metal embedded in the top. The last one was made of some very heavy see-through glass.

“These are all religious symbols, right?” Twilight asked.

“Yep, they’re crosses from Christianity. Luna, do you detect any magic? A lot of humans had faith in symbols like these.”

“None, no,” she replied, shaking her head. “Magic is only imbued into artifacts that have been used and empowered by belief. Most of these items are ornamental. The cards actually appear to have been used.”

“I’d hate to be the guy using Tarot cards right before the apocalypse,” I said. “Anyway, I don’t need a cross.” The next object was a set of three heavy metal bowls, one large, one slightly smaller, and one just a wee bit smaller than that. Each one was painted with very intricate flowing lines. “I wanna say these are… instruments?”

“Instruments?” Twilight asked, tilting her head a little. “Aren’t those just bowls?”

Flo, do you know how to play music bowls?

“It won’t take me long to figure it out. Ask Luna to add some water to each.”

“Luna, fill each one up to about half with water.” Her horn lit up and water started flowing into the three bowls. “I don’t think you actually have to use water for this, but it’ll probably help Flo figure out how to play them. I only barely recognized them, so I’m not surprised you thought they were just bowls. Flo, do your thing.”

She took over my hands and used my knuckles to tap the outside of the smallest bowl. It made a dull ring, somewhat like a bell. A few moments later, a small leather mallet appeared in my hand with a pop.

“Wait, where did that come from?” Kat asked.

“I borrowed Celestia’s magic for a moment,” Flo said with my mouth. “Listen.” With that, she used the mallet to play the bowls. It wasn’t the ideal tool for it, but it got the job done. Soon enough, she was playing Jingle Bells. The goldshirt guards apparently got bored of the computer and crowded around to listen instead.

When the song was done, she set the mallet down and returned control to me. “They can definitely be used as bowls, but that’s not their actual purpose. These were called singing bowls. There were larger versions that were called standing bells.”

“Did humans have other cool instruments like these?” one of the guards asked.

“We did. Wherever you found people, you found music. And wherever you found music, you found pioneers inventing new ways to enjoy it. Lately, there’s been a massive resurgence in pony music, which has definitely been nice.”

“Didn’t you have a hand in that?” Luna asked.

“I shared human music with a ton of pony musicians a while back. They couldn’t understand the lyrics without magic, but just hearing new ways of doing things was enough to inspire them. I haven’t really kept up with much of it, but Silver mentioned something about some very hefty royalty checks that I’ve apparently been getting, so it’s obviously going well. If I remember right, the ideal way to play singing bowls is with a long stick with an end covered in something softer than this, preferably suede.”

“...What’s suede, again?” Twilight asked, looking up from her notes.

“It’s leather from a certain part of an animal that’s been prepared a certain way. I guess that’s not really something commonly available in Equestria. The griffins might have something similar, but the name is probably super punny.”

“Can you refine the sound further by changing the amount of water?” Kat asked.

“Yes. You can also do it without the water at all. It would probably be better to wait for Flo before trying to tune them. She can use her body to figure out the ideal amount of water, after all.”

“You said before that you barely recognized these,” Twilight said. “Are they uncommon?”

“Where I’m from, yes. They’re from another culture across the sea. I only recognize them because of the internet, but I don’t know much about them.”

“They certainly sound nice,” Kat said. “I bet Spider could play these pretty easily. May we keep them, my lady?”

“Sure. Let’s move on.”

To be quite honest, there was a whole bunch of stuff in that room. Going through all of it took a while and got pretty boring by the time we finished up with the second table. In the end, we didn’t bother to keep anything else. Most of the stuff was neat, but I really didn’t need more junk lying around my house.

Once we got done, Twilight floated over my revolver. “We’ll need to tell the quartermaster we’re taking this,” she said.

“I know.” We walked back over to the mare sitting at the desk by the door. She had definitely been watching us most of the time, since her stack of paperwork hadn’t shifted in the slightest. “We left notes on the cards of the items we want to keep. However, this item is of particular interest to me. I’d like to take it with me.”

“You seemed to know a lot about the relics we found, my lady,” the mare said. “To be honest… We have no idea what we’re dealing with. We know it’s some kind of archeology, but nopony’s told us who the ruins belonged to…”

“Wait, seriously?” I took a quick look at the three girls standing with me. “No one’s explained to the guards what we’re doing?”

“The guards don’t talk to me,” Luna said.

“Me either,” Kat added.

“And I’ve been too busy working on other things, so I don’t really know,” Twilight finished with a shrug.

“...Alright, I guess.” I looked back down to the mare, who was staring up at me expectantly. I don’t have any reason to answer to you, peasant. “You know what race I am, right?”

“A human, correct?”

“Yep. And all of these relics are human relics. Those are human ruins you’re delving into. My race lived a very, very long time ago.”

“...Oh. Well, I guess you learn something new every day, huh? Will you tell me why that item in particular is of interest? If it’s going to be taken from here before a more thorough investigation can be done, I’d like to have something to tell my superiors.”

“Because it belonged to my grandfather. It’s a family heirloom. I’d rather have it close.”

“What a lucky find! Very well, my lady. The rest of the items will be delivered to your mansion once they’ve been better documented.”

“Thanks.” With that, I turned back to the others. “So, can we teleport out from here?”

“The magic resistance in the rock around us would make doing so unpleasant,” Luna said. “We’re better off going back through the stable portal, then teleporting home.”

“Then that’s just what we’ll do.”

It was all going really well, right up until I led the way through the portal. As soon as my feet were on the other side, my body was enveloped by white wings and I was firmly pressed into a squishy sun horse. “Good afternoon, Navi,” Celestia warmly said. “I was just heading to lunch when I saw you appear!” By the point, the other three had joined us on this side of the portal.

“You were clearly waiting here to ambush us,” Luna said. “Guards, how long has this worthless princess been standing here waiting?” Both of the guards refused to meet her eyes, their ears twitching. “Tch, of course. And just how long do you intend to cling to my lady?”

“At least until she hugs me back, for sure,” Celestia replied, snuggling me closer. “She’s so comfy!” I sighed and finally hugged Celestia back. “You still haven’t joined me for breakfast yet, Navi…”

“It’s literally my first morning back, and I got dragged to do stuff out in Ponyville and then kidnapped by your test subjects.”

“Well, I’d be fine with you joining me for lunch, instead…”

Not even concerned with the fact that I got kidnapped? I see how it is. “My kidnappers force-fed me until I could barely move,” I said. “It’s only been a couple of hours since then. Do you truly want me to suffer so?”

“You’re just looking for an excuse not to hang out with me, aren’t you?” Celestia asked, finally releasing me from her stranglehold. “You know, if you’re around me, I certainly wouldn’t allow any kidnappers to get you… Unlike your vassals, apparently.”

Would Celestia be able to stop Pinkie? I wonder… “Isn’t it a little early for lunch?”

“I have a busy schedule today, so I decided to take it early. Are you sure you won’t join me, Navi?”

“Luna was the only one who didn’t get stuffed. She might be interested.”

“I’d certainly be happy to have her,” Celestia said, turning hopeful eyes toward her ex-sister.

“I must return to my duties,” Luna said. “I can eat at the bunker.”

“You can take some time away,” I said. “You said the current bottleneck was Zecora, anyway. Surely that means you can take half a day away from the front.”

“If you command it, I will eat with this mare,” Luna said, looking down. That made Celestia look pretty depressed for just a moment, but she hid it quickly.

“...I can’t order you to make friends. I guess I’ll join the princess, even if I don’t feel like eating at the moment. There are things we need to talk about anyway. Luna, take Kat and the revolver back to the house before you return to the bunker. I’ll have Celestia teleport me home when we’re done talking. Twilight, what about you?”

“No offense to the princess, but even the smell of more food might make me nauseous right now,” Twilight said, patting her tummy with a hoof. “Pinkie really knows how to pile it on. I still can’t believe you ate as much as you did.”

“Must I return?” Kat asked, clinging to my arm again.

“I’m not going to need a guard while talking to Celestia. Take some time to manicure your nails or something. We do have a pageant coming up, after all…”

“...As you wish,” she said, pulling back with a curtsy. Thankfully, she wasn’t wasting my time with her fake tears.

“Farewell for now, my lady,” Luna said. Her horn lit up and the two of them vanished.

“After that breakfast, I need to get some writing done,” Twilight said. “I’ll stop by later, Nav.”

“See you then,” I said, scritching one of her ears. She beamed for a moment before teleporting off.

“So now I have you all to myself,” Celestia said, looming closer.

“Yep. Shall we head to the dining room?”

“Let’s!” And so I was led off by a very happy Celestia. I really didn’t want to go with her, but I also really didn’t want her to get lonely enough to turn evil again. “You know, you’re welcome to play with my ears, too!”

“Are you going to use your hair to assault me if I do?”

“...No, of course not,” she replied after a moment.

“I consider tickling to count as assault,” I said.

“Oh. Then yes, I will.”

“I’m not really interested in getting tickled, so I’ll hold off on rubbing the princess’s precious ears. After all, far be it for me, a lowly vassal, to touch the body of the great Princess Celestia herself.”

“It’s like you’re just begging to be cuddled,” Celestia said, giggling. “If I promise to keep my hair to myself, will you play with my ears?”

“Yes.”

A few long seconds passed as we continued to walk in silence. Finally, she looked at me and lifted an eyebrow. “Well?”

“Where’s your promise?”

“Oh, so you did learn something from your coma! So be it. I promise I won’t use my hair against you if you touch my ears in this instance.”

With that, I started toying with her long, slightly fluffy ears. The servants and guards we passed stared at us awkwardly, but nobody said anything.

When we got to her dining room, I realized my main reason for coming here was moot: Spike was waiting for us inside, so there’s no way Celestia would have gotten lonely. He was definitely surprised to see me, too. “Nav? What are you doing here?”

“I got ambushed and kidnapped by a princess while I was in the palace for business. There was talk of using her hair against me, so I was forced to rub her ears to keep her at bay.”

“That’s quite the interpretation of events,” Celestia proclaimed as she took her seat at the head of the table. Spike was sitting on the other side of the table, so I took the place opposite of him. “I happened to bump into Nav while I was on my way to lunch and invited her.”

“You were waiting directly on the other side of the portal with your wings outstretched to nab me the instant I appeared.”

“That does sound a lot like an ambush,” Spike said, staring at his pseudo-mother suspiciously.

“We’ll have to agree to disagree, I’m afraid,” Celestia said. Her horn lit up and a bell chimed somewhere. Moments later, the servants came out and did their thing, filling the table with all kinds of delectable looking things. Including a large steak for Spike and a small filet of salmon for me. I wasn’t really expecting food, but fish was light enough that I could probably handle a little.

“Aww, now I can’t make any meat puns,” Spike said. He was staring at my fish in disappointment.

“I was in Ponyville earlier. Pinkie dragged me to Sugarcube Corner. I can’t really eat much at the moment, so I guess this is Celestia’s way of telling me to get over it.”

“You still aren’t confident your body is healed,” Celestia said, patting me on the shoulder with a wing. “You’ll need all manner of nutrients to ensure the process is finished, correct? I’m sure you can manage a little, even if it’s just to make me feel better as a host.”

“As her princessness wills it,” I said, taking up my fork once more.

“I guess ‘her princessness’ is better than sunbutt,” Spike muttered as he started cutting into his steak.

“Celestia, do you think it would be possible to build an airship the size of that dreadnought with Equestria’s tech?” I asked.

“Yes, but it wouldn’t be nearly as efficient. The amount of unicorns required to power it would be immense. The engine on that ship is incredibly efficient and a joint team of changelings, griffins, and ponies are studying it now. Jonathan knows enough to maintain it, but lacks the magical knowledge to comprehend exactly how it was built. None of those he absorbed had the knowledge of the schematics, either. That said, the research team ensures me they’re making progress. If we can duplicate that engine, we can do a lot more than create airships with it.”

“Cars would be possible, wouldn’t they?”

“Indeed. You could also attach them to boats or trains. Just the engine alone could be revolutionary. Because of that, plus all the other impressive artifacts you helped uncover, I intend to increase your noble rank.”

“Nobles have ranks here?” I asked.

“A very few of them do, specifically those who have accomplished great things. Their increased rank is not hereditary, however, so all that passes on is the status of lord or lady. As I’m sure you can imagine, most of my lazy populace are incapable of earning such things. You, however, are now Countess Navarone. If things go well in the Tartarus campaign, I intend to make you a duchess and give you even more territory.”

“...Huh.”

“Last night, when I spoke to Moonbeam, she made her intentions toward you clear,” Celestia said. “She still intends to have your hand. If she somehow succeeds in obtaining it, I’d rather her be tied to a high-ranking Equestrian noble for diplomatic purposes. Although I’d much rather have that hand, myself…”

“Is that really your only reason for increasing my rank?”

“No, of course not. My reason is that you earned it. Making you more valuable in diplomacy is just a secondary bonus.”

“Do I get any benefits in particular with this rank?”

“Why yes, I’m glad you asked! As tempting as it is to give you Ponyville, I have other things in mind for that place. So instead, I’m giving you colonists, free materials, and free labor to help build up a town right outside the Everfree.”

“Colonists, hm?” I said, lifting an eyebrow. “What kind of colonists?”

“I’ve had five groups of applicants so far.” Her horn lit up and a folder for each appeared in the air. She set them down on the table. “These hold all the information you’ll need.”

It didn’t take me very long to eat the fish, so I picked up the first folder and cracked it open. To my surprise, a small clan of naga heard of my exploits and, since their home was surrounded by monsters and their water was receding, they wanted to move. They knew I was a friend to the naga through their connection with the clan I was technically a member of. If I decided to take them into my colony, they’d make me the clan head, even though I was female. There were two hundred and thirty-four males, most of which were of fighting age, and three hundred and seventeen females. Apparently if I wanted to accept, I needed to contact their representative with the naga I was friendly with.

“Spike, what do you think about naga?” I asked.

“The only downside will be feeding that many,” he said. “I helped put those files together, by the way. I approve of all of them.”

“I have contacts with the griffins. I’m sure buying meat and livestock from them won’t be too difficult. Celestia, how hard is it to build out something like a spring with magic?”

“It’s not very difficult, but naga don’t necessarily have to live in springs,” she said. “Though they do have adverse health effects if they stay out of water for too long. It would be enough to dig out, say, a hot spring for all the residents to enjoy.”

“Makes sense. Let’s take a look at the next.”

The second folder was actually more of a contract. Apparently the dog I fought at the griffin festival wanted to bring his mercenary group to work for me. He had a hundred heavy dog infantry, thirty griffin scouts, fifteen unicorns with various talents, and ten cat scouts. The contract stipulated that I’d pay them a decent monthly salary, with possible bonuses to be discussed after combat based on their achievements. The only weird part is that getting to have sex with me at least once was one of the guy’s requirements, the only one he absolutely wouldn’t negotiate on.

I may have mentioned something like that to him before the fight, but I couldn’t remember for sure. There was probably no need for that many mercenaries, but as I thought about it for a few moments, I realized I could always find a use for them.

“So, you approve of the mercenaries, too?” I asked, looking up at Spike.

“I thought one of his conditions was a little strange, but apparently you two have some kind of history, so I just assumed you seduced him. I figured you wouldn’t mind a little extra muscle, especially if we’re heading into Tartarus.”

“You figured right. But I might find uses for them beforehand. Celestia, are there any problems with pirates you need handled?”

“As a matter of fact, yes,” she said. “Why?”

“Because I wouldn’t mind putting my mercenaries to work by stealing a whole bunch of boats from some pirates. With Luna to teleport them all in, I’m sure we could take out entire pirate cities.”

“I’ll happily pay a bounty for any pirate you capture or kill, any ship you manage to sink or seize, and any den or city you either claim or raze.”

“Can we give the pirates I capture to Moonbeam in exchange for the political prisoners Oldlestia sent her?”

“Those were my thoughts exactly,” Celestia replied with a nod. “Four birds with one stone. Very impressive, Navarone. So what will you do with the boats you seize?”

“Turn them into airships and use them for trading and passengers, assuming the other colonists have the knack for it. So let’s see what else we got.”

I opened folder number three to find it was showing the kobolds from Hawaii. Apparently someone stole the fire god that was keeping the volcanos on their island mostly dormant. Someone also apparently killed the shaman who would normally be in charge of using magic to protect the clan from eruptions. Because of that, the kobolds were in dire need of a new place to live. With the help of the elementals, they made it to Equestria and now needed somewhere to settle. For various reasons (mostly because they were brainwashed into it), they decided to appeal to me for protection.

Accepting it made me feel a little dirty, but I got over it quickly. “Do you think the kobolds still hold a grudge?” I asked.

“It obviously can’t be that bad, if they’re coming to you for protection,” Spike said.

“Spike told me the circumstances,” Celestia said. “I wish you had more patience, Nav. I understand the desire for revenge, but with a species so rare… More caution might have been warranted, in my opinion.”

“Noted.”

The next application was from changelings. Moonbeam knew I was setting up a town and wanted to invest early with labor. She was offering five hundred drones, four hundred sentients, and one hundred intelligentsia. Many of the more intelligent changelings had been working as researchers and inventors at the hive, so they could help at the university. Half the drones were used to building and the other half were used to mining. I’m not sure there was much to really mine, but I’m sure there was something to harvest somewhere in the Everfree. And if nothing else, they could be retrained. The changelings would also bring their own food sources.

That was obviously a no brainer. I accepted them immediately and reached for the last folder.

Unfortunately, that was the folder that immediately made me sigh. “Really?” I asked, looking up to Spike.

“Yep,” he replied with a nod. “Really.”

Since he was no help, I looked over to Celestia. “Really?”

“Indeed,” she said, smiling. “Really.”

The monkeys from South America knew I was still alive. Apparently Celestia explained the circumstances to them. Despite knowing I wasn’t really all that feminine or queenly and that I was only doing it because Spike was a hostage, they still wanted to be with me. Or at least, some of them did. A thousand monkeys were offering to join me, five hundred males and five hundred females. More probably wanted to come, but they knew they had to limit the numbers for a fledgeling town.

“I mean… The monkeys do have some interesting magic, including some useful teleport stuff,” I said. “They also have at least some combat capability and could probably use a crossbow effectively. As long as they don’t expect me to act super queenly, I guess I don’t mind. That’s gonna give me a whole lot of people, though. Are you comfortable having this many other species a stone’s throw away from Canterlot?”

“You will keep them in check,” Celestia said. “I take it you approve of all five applications?”

“I suppose. You said you’ll help with construction. Does that include a road?”

“And a skydock, since you’re going to be in possession of many airships. I can provide airship technicians and crew to train your colonists.”

“I’ll want train tracks as well, but that can wait. How long do you think it’ll take to build the city out?”

“With the help of the changelings as well, our current worst-case estimate is three months to have enough temporary housing for all of your colonists. We’ll continue providing help until everything else is built, but we’ll have to estimate timing for that later. Since this is an entirely new town, it’ll be tax-exempt for a few years. Use that time to build it up.”

“I’ll need your help along the way, both for guidance and either materials or personnel.”

“But of course,” she said. “That’s what your princess is there for, Nav. Please come to me first, in fact.”

“I’ll probably go to Flo first for most things, since she’ll get mad if I don’t and she’s more convenient. But I can use her to get to you if she can’t help me.”

“Well, that can’t be helped,” Celestia said, shrugging. “Now, I know that we’re gearing up for a war on Tartarus, but I don’t want you to make this town focused solely on warmaking. In fact, I’d greatly prefer if you would focus it on trade and logistics. You told me once that in your time, you could go to a market to buy goods from all over the world. That isn’t possible in Equestria, but I’d like to start changing that. Increasing the amount of trading will help. It’ll also help kickstart our economy, since it’s been fairly stagnant.”

“So, you’re giving me permission to start a few companies?” I asked.

“Indeed. Once you have the details of the companies down, provide them to me and I’ll ensure some government loans. At the very least, they’ll cover the costs of converting your pirate boats into airships.”

“Before I agree to that, I want you to understand that by doing this, you might be handing the reins of your economy over to me. Once I start, it’s likely I’ll pick up momentum until I’m dragging everyone else behind me.”

“I might take a few steps to prevent you from being able to go too overboard,” she said, “But I don’t intend to stop you unless I think things are going to begin spiraling out of control. I only want you to promise that you’ll help make Equestria prosper.”

“I can guarantee that things will change. Airships are pretty rare, aren’t they?”

“They’re too expensive for most companies to buy, yes,” she said. “It’s unheard of for any individual to have more than one. Even the largest companies possess no more than ten. If you include both the ones you take from the pirates and the ones you make, you’ll clearly be leading the market by leaps and bounds.”

“Things are gonna get really crazy soon,” Spike said. “How are we going to keep track of all of those ships?”

“Radios,” I said. “We’ll also be the only traders who have those. We can use each ship as a repeater to send signals from headquarters out to everyone at the same time. With that, we can constantly update everyone else on prices so we can snatch the best deals away before anyone else can get them.”

“I do hope you’re planning on spending the money you’re making instead of letting it all sit in one place,” Celestia said.

“If things go well, I’ll pay to have more skydocks built in other cities, and manage them as trading headquarters. If things go really well, I’ll start more companies to either grow things or produce them. After all, too many traders without enough things to trade is a problem.”

“Wonderful. Of course, you also have contacts with the cats and the spiders. Do you think you could get goods from either?”

“From the cats, yes. We can use Catro as a hub to trade further into Africa. As for the spiders, I honestly don’t know. I’d have to go and ask in person. I’ll do it eventually, but I’m not in a hurry. With all the money I’ll be raking in, I kinda wonder if starting a bank might be on the table eventually…”

“Why would you want to start a bank?” Spike asked.

“Because I’ll live for a very long time. Establishing a bank will give me access to all kinds of business opportunities in the future, and the sooner I do it, the more branches I can open and the more opportunities I can get. More opportunities for loans also means more economic growth. I’ve never personally needed a loan, but Applejack told me that most loans are difficult to get and even if you do, the interest rates will break you. If I can offer more reasonable rates, more businesses can start. I can also use the banks to manage my own properties and employees.”

“It certainly seems that the coma changed you, alright,” Celestia said.

“Plus, I’d love to put a dragon in charge of it. Imagine how huge and powerful they’d become!”

“...Do you have any dragons in mind?” Spike slowly asked.

“Yes. To move on to another subject, what are your thoughts on the progress of the dreadnought, Celestia?” I asked. “Are the golems to your liking?”

“Indeed. I have a few in the palace for research purposes now. However, something troubles me. There are a few runes that Jak doesn’t quite understand. These runes seem pivotal in making the golems actually behave. My concern is that Athena retains some manner of overall control over these golems because of these runes. Because of that, I request that you visit the city of the minotaurs with Jak and ask them to help you research the runes. If we can understand them better, we can remove that concern entirely. The minotaurs will also be able to help us prepare for the war.”

“All solid points. I’ll do so, but I’m not sure when. I’m sure some of them will be willing to set up shop in a human-owned town, too. I don’t want to make the population too massive all at once, though.”

“That’s the reason I limited the number of applicants to five,” Celestia said. “The cats and griffins wanted to send some settlers and if things with the city go well, I intend to see about having some ponies move there.”

“How did you manage to turn down the griffins in favor of the mercenaries?” I asked. “If the changelings are getting in, won’t the griffins feel slighted?”

“I explained that the changeling drones will be used for labor and that the upper ranking changelings are necessary to control them. The griffins aren’t dumb enough to think setting up a new city from scratch is easy. Their talents lie in places other than building. They assented to move in later and let the mercenaries act as your security forces. That way, no griffin settler would have to worry about having to build and they can come in later to a more built-up and defended location. It is, after all, right on the edge of one of the most infamous danger zones in mainland Equestria.”

“Fair enough. I guess the monkeys are zealous enough not to care, the naga are desperate and know enough about me to understand I can protect them, the changelings know I have a plan for dealing with the forest, and the kobolds were brainwashed by the water elementals so that’s a no-brainer. Overall—”

“Wait a moment, what was that last one?” Spike asked, rudely butting in.

“One of the visions I saw in the coma was of Mist invading the mind of the kobold chief and telling him to move to the Everfree.”

“Is that… so,” Celestia whispered, her ears twitching.

“I’m very curious who else they might have brainwashed behind the scenes,” I said. “At this point, they’ve been purified, so hopefully that kind of behavior has stopped. I’m not really sure how to curtail that kind of behavior, other than telling them not to do it.”

“Well, not all brainwashing is bad, I suppose,” Celestia said. “I’m certainly quite thankful for it.”

“So, is there anything else I need to know about my new rank?” I asked.

“Naturally, it increases the amount of authority you have, especially over other nobles. There won’t be any more fools attempting to stab you in the back, that’s for sure. Any insults you may have gotten will definitely stop. There will probably be some envy, but I’ll wait to officially announce everything until the ship you captured has arrived. Once everyone learns what happened at the Zone, no one will be able to say a word of complaint.”

“Anything else?”

“One minor thing of note, something I assume you won’t care too much about… It gives you the right to take another name. In your case, you would become Countess Navarone Everfree.”

“That’s not necessary. Do I have any new responsibilities?”

“Nothing you weren’t already planning on doing,” Celestia said. “Essentially, being a count means building up your territory and being able to adequately defend it, as well as being able to lead soldiers to Equestria’s defense in times of conflict. The main reason your rank didn’t start as a baroness is because Oldlestia was paranoid. Because of that, I skipped a few ranks. At the moment, you are one of five counts in mainland Equestria. The other four each govern a large section of land for me. The size of your new town will pale in comparison at first, but I’m expecting that to change quickly. If you manage to become a duchess, you’ll become one of four in all of Equestria.”

“That would be neat, I guess. Although, on the flip side of that… would you care too much if, after I conquered Tartarus, I was able to turn it into my own kingdom?”

“I suppose that would be one way to solve the issue of dividing the territory,” she said. “A part of me is surprised you’d ask. Do you truly want to be a princess? Or a queen, maybe?”

“If I can obtain a soul, I think it might be neat. The main issue is whether or not the native races there would follow me. If they would, then I think I might like that.”

“I’m game,” Spike said. “Let’s make you a princess, Navi!”

“That does tell me something disappointing, though,” Celestia said. “If you intend to make a kingdom for yourself, that means you won’t marry either me or Moonbeam.”

Who’d want to marry a several thousand year old hag? “Not necessarily,” I replied, reaching over to try and boop her. She caught my finger in her mouth instead and nibbled on it a little before letting go. “Besides, what are our other options? Divvying Tartarus up among the conquering armies? Letting the local races keep it and hope they can maintain control without going belly up or starting a civil war? Maybe taking the place as a vassal country?”

“Ooh, I like that option,” Celestia said. “I could declare it the Duchy of Tartarus. You’d essentially act as a separate country, but you’d technically be our vassal nation. I think the changelings would still agree to work with us under those conditions. We can try to convince the griffins. It’s something we can discuss in detail at the upcoming conference between leaders.”

“Alright, I might be okay with that. Maybe it’ll depend on my accomplishments in the war and how the locals perceive me. Anyway, that can all be decided later, assuming we can even make headway into that hellscape. With luck, the dreadnought will make that possible.”

“Speaking of that goliath of a ship, it needs a name,” Celestia said. “There was a clamor among the crew to name it after you. I’m pretty sure one of the water elementals instigated it, but I shut it down. Do you have any thoughts?”

The first big and famous ship that comes to mind is… the Titanic, of course. Obviously I’m not naming my ship something so ill-fated. Then again, it’s less of a boat and more of a flying fortress, to be honest… Not only that, but it’s a flying fortress full of bugs and crafters. So… “How does Skyhold sound?” I asked.

“That doesn’t really sound like a ship name,” Spike said. “But I guess Second Chance is also a little strange.”

“...Nav isn’t considering it a boat,” Celestia said, staring at me and smiling even wider. “You consider it to be a town, don’t you?”

“Yes. While thinking of it as a town, what do you think of Skyhold?”

“If I’m honest, I think you could afford to upgrade it to Skycity,” Celestia said. “That boat is very large. Even with the crafters I provided, there’s still plenty of room.”

“It’s not really gonna start out as a city, though. Would it be a problem if we changed the name as it grew? Skyhold to Skyton to Skyfort to Skycity to Skyopolis to Skytopia.

“That’s just way too overboard,” Spike said. “Imagine the amount of paperwork you’ll have to do to change each time. Pick one and stick with it.”

“I approve of Skyhold, Skycity, and Skytopia,” Celestia said. “Pick one.”

What? Skytopia was one of the joke names. “In that case, I’ll stick to Skyhold. Once the war is over, I’d like to start charging rent and a reasonable cost of the materials. With the goods they can craft and with the ability to travel around to sell things in various cities, I think a lot of craftsmen would be happy to pay. Enough that I might be able to hire them instead and turn the entire ship into my own personal factory…”

“You have a lot more ideas than I thought,” Spike said. For some reason, he looked proud. “I think things are gonna get real fun around here!”

“Good. Be careful, Celestia. I might snipe Spike back from you.”

“I’ll let you borrow him from time to time,” Celestia said. “But if you want him for good, you’ll have to pry him from my cold, dead hooves. But don’t worry, Oldlestia put an incredibly evil curse on this body that will turn me into a ridiculously powerful undead if I’m ever murdered, so I’ll be coming back for him soon.”

“I don’t think I want an undead mother, so please don’t,” Spike said.

“Thank you for the warning about one of your trump cards,” I said. “Now I have even more reason to want to keep you alive.”

“That’s okay,” she said, patting me on the head with one of her wings. “After all, I have a request in exchange for that information. I would like one of your trump cards.”

Now that was a tall order. I did have a seed I was currently gestating, but I intended to give it to Luna, not Celestia. Still, though, I was planning on giving Celestia one of them eventually. I knew the chance was low, but if Celestia ever reverted, I didn’t want her to know right where one of my important trees was.

“I see that you’re hesitating…” Celestia quietly said. “Then I’ll add this condition. I won’t plant it myself. I plan to give it to another to have them plant it for me, in a location I am unaware of.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I’m just that terrified of who you once were. I’ll be jumping at her spectre for a long time to come, I’m sure.”

“She thoroughly traumatized you, so that’s understandable,” Celestia said, looking down. “I’ll do my best to ease your mind and help you forget her.”

“...Well, I was planning on giving you one eventually anyway. The one I have will be done later tonight.”

“I was there when you put it in. I’ll stop by to pick it up later.”

“Can I have a seed later, too?” Spike asked. “No hurry, but I’d love to grow myself a mini-Nav!”

“It just makes a big cherry blossom tree. You’ve seen the two in my backyard, right? One is mine, the other is Taya’s. But yeah, I can give you one eventually, as long as you promise not to do something dumb like planting it in a pot.”

“Your new town and university will also need names,” Celestia said.

“I was thinking the university could be called the Everfree Institute. As for the town… I plan to build Eden elsewhere, so I need to think of something else. Wait, it’s a town in Equestria. That means it has to be a shitty horse pun, right?”

“That isn’t a requirement, but it is recommended,” Celestia said. “The worse the pun is, the better the tax breaks for the citizens. So if you really want to think of the long-term benefits of everyone, you should make your name as cringey as you possibly can.”

“Wait, is that why all the tax forms are wonky?!” Spike demanded, slamming a claw on the table.

“No, I was joking,” Celestia said. “The tax forms are wonky because of embezzling and I put you in charge of it because no nose can follow gold like a dragon’s. You’ve already uncovered two corrupt nobles.”

“So it’s fine if the name isn’t a pun?” I asked.

“It certainly goes against the national tradition, but we also don’t have any cities that weren’t founded by ponies, or later renamed after their native populations relocated. So… maybe make it a human pun instead?”

“Well, I’m the lady of nature and it’s going to be built into a forest, so probably something woodsy. It’s a shame the signature flower of the Everfree is called something as dumb as poison joke, which happens to be yet another shitty pun.”

“Wait, what’s that a pun of?” Spike asked.

“In my time, it was poison oak. Instead of pranking you, it caused a painful rash and sometimes blisters. And instead of being pretty flowers, it was just a green leafy vine.”

“Well, the town doesn’t need a name immediately,” Celestia said. “We will need a name before we break ground on it, though. And since you’re actually building up a town now instead of just a university, Moonbeam agreed to leave your house so you can stay there when you’re working on things. In fact, she’ll be adding several more buildings inside the walls for your followers. The university will go elsewhere.”

“That works, I guess.” I bet I’ll get fewer guests there, at least.

“Are you thinking something mean?” Spike asked.

“I’m an ex-human. Chances are, most of what I think will be mean. I guess I’ll come up with a name for that later. So, a lot of the mercenaries I’m hiring are dogs. And I’m also getting a lot of changelings. Do you have any advice about that?”

“Provide enough distractions that they don’t have time to worry about being angry. Or teach the dogs that changelings have value as allies. Either way, the leader of their merry band of mercenaries has already been apprised. It’s likely he’s taking steps to curtail issues. But do keep in mind that you’re dealing with mercenaries; regardless of their fighting ability, their discipline will leave something to be desired.”

“You might be surprised. I’ve seen elite dog mercenaries before, back in Egypt. The good ones didn’t fuck around. They might have some minor issues in the rank and file, but overall, their quality was good. I don’t know if the same will be true for mercs on this side of the ocean, though. With luck, they won’t have any conflicts with the changelings. I don’t think the naga will have any issues with the others. The kobolds and the monkeys are complete unknowns, though.”

“As the countess of the town, it’ll be your responsibility to ensure the community is at peace. There are definitely going to be cultural differences, but you need to find a way to bridge the gap.”

“Changeling whorehouses, obviously,” I said. “I mean, that’s something everyone can enjoy. Prostitution’s legal, right? That means we can tax it!”

“...Changeling whorsehouses, huh?” Celestia slowly said. “Is that really what you want your territory to be known for?”

“They’re a lot more fun than you’re imagining,” I said. “Back me up here, Spike. You know you want to visit one again, right?” Spike immediately facepalmed.

“Again?” Celestia hissed, turning to glare at her son. “What exactly does Navarone mean by again?!”

“So, lunch was nice,” I whispered, pushing my chair back and standing. “I think maybe I’ll see myself out after all…”

“Don’t you dare abandon me, you coward!” Spike shouted. “Nav’s the one who dragged me there!” I was just about out of the room when he finished his accusation. A golden glow instantly covered my body and I got placed back in my seat. “If I’m gonna get yelled at, I’m taking you with me!”

“I don’t see why I’m needed for a talk about a family matter,” I said, struggling to get out of my seat. “I didn’t drag anyone anywhere. I invited him. He chose to accompany me. I am in no way at fault!”

“I didn’t even know changeling whorehouses existed until you told me!” Spike shouted, slamming a fist onto the table. “And there’s no way I ever would have gone if it wasn’t for your bad influence!”

“Don’t blame your life choices on me, Spike. You’re only regretting it because Celestia seemed mad about it. But look at her now! She’s smiling, so that obviously means she’s okay with it.”

“No, that’s the smile she wears when she’s disappointed. The lecture is still incoming!”

“I don’t see why I should be subjected to a lecture for something you did, something that has—”

“Don’t you ever get tired of this?” Celestia asked.

“Yes, getting accused of being responsible for something I didn’t do does get old,” I replied.

“...I see. That’s disappointing. Why did you invite my son to a changeling whorehouse, Nav?”

“A few reasons. For one, I had been in the hive for a few days with Moonbeam and I hadn’t seen him in a bit. He wanted to do something together. There's not really much to do in the hive and I remembered that Moonie wanted feedback on one of her projects, so I figured a more diverse set of opinions would be helpful. Another reason is because Spike was unreasonably afraid of changelings for some reason, as if he thought they would hurt him. I wanted to show him that they certainly had their upsides and that not all of them are scary. Third, because I figured he would enjoy it. The fourth reason is semi-private, involving something Spike told me right before I invited him. He shared a secret, I replied with another secret, and that ended up depressing him a little. So I figured he could use some cheering up. It’s not like it was a planned thing, it just sorta happened.”

“So you let my son lose his purity to a whore?” Celestia coldly asked.

“Huh? I thought he lost that after Shiny’s bachelor party, that night he sent you all those sex toys. Or was it on Doppel?”

“Nav!” Spike hissed.

“Perhaps I won’t let you borrow my son anymore after all,” Celestia said, narrowing her eyes.

“Nah, it’s too late. I’ve already taught him more than enough to get by without me. All you’d accomplish by keeping him away from me is fueling his teen angst and making him act out by banging even more bitches.”

“I believe Cadance mentioned something about a tool she uses to keep Shining Armor in order. Perhaps I should ask her for more information… It might do wonders on my harlot of a son.”

“I’m not a harlot!” Spike said. “I’m just a normal growing guy! And it’s not like you can talk, after everything you’ve done with and to Nav. And poor Fleur…”

“Yeah, harlot is a little rough. At most, he’s a horndog. Or, as he put it, a normal growing guy. What’s wrong with dicking bitches down every now and then?”

“Nav used to be considerably worse than I ever was, and that never stopped you from jumping his bones,” Spike said. “So what right do you have to judge, mom?”

“Hm, you mean like my right of motherhood over you? It’s every parent’s job to want their child to do better than them. With my past behavior, it’s obvious I’m trying to make it easy on you. So why are you struggling? Just be patient, Spike. I’d be happy to find you the perfect bride! There are a few promising candidates in the mainland dragons. Then you won’t have to debase yourself on whores like Nav.”

“She does have some kind of point,” I said. “Finding a nice female dragon you can get along with wouldn’t be a bad thing. Just be super careful. If any high ranking dragons find out you’re Bahamut’s son, there might be problems.”

“You found out who your father is?” Celestia quickly asked.

“I didn’t think I’d find any answers here, so I made sure to find them in Iceland,” Spike replied. “And that’s smart, Nav. Pyrite said he’ll kill me if the news gets out. My father’s still alive, after all. His son might get propped up as a symbol to oppose Pyrite.”

“...And you didn’t think to report this to me?” Celestia demanded, turning to me.

“I wasn’t aware that Pyrite mentioned killing Spike if news got out. That’s news to me, too.”

“I meant the part about Bahamut being his father!”

“Oh. No, I didn’t think to report it.” She stared at me in silence for several long uncomfortable seconds, compelling me to keep talking. “If you’ll recall, you weren’t interested in talking to me at the time. I left the detailed debriefing to Spike, since he was there for the important parts. I gave you the bullet points of the primary goal of my journey later, which was freeing the fire elemental. I didn’t see any reason to apprise you of further unnecessary details.”

“...You two conspired behind my back to discover information I had hidden.” Celestia said, her whole body sagging. “I suppose I have no right to be angry. If Pyrite did threaten to murder you, that ruins a few plans I had for your destiny. But I don’t think it’s unsalvageable.”

“What if I don’t want to be given a destiny?” Spike asked. “What if I want to forge my own?”

“Then I’d say you’ve been spending too much time around Nav,” Celestia said. “But that can be a conversation for later, between just the two of us. Navarone. Who else has defiled my son?”

“You know the griffin traveling with us? The one who isn’t the princess. Her name is also Gilda. She’s his main fucktoy at the moment. The air elemental Aerie has done some weird stuff to him, but I don’t know the details. I’m not aware of anyone else.” Her lie detector went off. “Well, there was that one secret occasion he’d kill me if I mentioned. Oh, and that other super secret situation you both might get violent about… You know, now that I think about it, maybe Spike is a harlot!”

“So, two very secretive things,” Celestia said, turning her gaze back onto Spike. “Secrets, hm? I see. You know, good sons don’t keep secrets from mommy, Spike. You can trust me with whatever burdens your soul.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Spike said. “I think I know the two things Nav’s talking about. Neither is a burden. They’re just… you know… secrets.”

“Well then.” Celestia eyes once more moved to me. “What manner of female does my son prefer?”

“MOM!” Spike shouted, jumping to his feet.

“This should really be more of a family discussion, shouldn’t it?” I asked.

“Don’t make me narrow my eyes at you again, Countess,” Celestia said.

“I mean, how am I supposed to know his preference? First he liked Rarity, who’s super ladylike, prissy, and all manner of girly. His next crush was radically different in just about every way. And his current squeeze is Gilda, who’s a dumb abrasive battle junkie. I don’t really see a common thread there. Maybe he just likes sexy?”

Spike groaned and returned to his seat. “Can we please, please go back to discussing Nav’s town?”

“...I have one more question,” Celestia said. “This is a yes or no question and the lie detector is on. If your answer is anything other than yes or no, I’m stealing at least one of your arms. So. Nav. Have you slept with my son?” Just like that, the dragon across the table from me seemed to deflate. I did my best not to react, but my face definitely twitched a little.

Which arm should I offer? Actually, she’ll probably take both. “...Yes.” That made her narrow her eyes at me again. “This was shortly after I got freed from Aqua. I was desperate to feel something. Spike happened to be available.”

“...Impure,” Celestia whispered.

“I don’t even wanna hear it, missy,” I said. “If we’re not going to go back to discussing my town, can you send me home? I think you mentioned having something important to do after this anyway.”

“A few things might need to be rescheduled,” Celestia said, huffing. “Apparently I need to have a very important talk with my son, who chose to take advantage of a lady in her time of desperation.”

“Wha… That’s not what happened!” Spike shouted.

“Let me recall his words at the time,” I said, thinking to myself. “I believe it was something like… ‘I’ve been waiting for you to ride my dick since you lost yours. I knew you couldn’t resist.’”

“So it seems my son truly has learned well from his master,” Celestia said, looking disdainfully at the poor lizard. “I suppose that was your own fault, Nav. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be giving him a talking to anyway. Obviously he’s been listening to the wrong advice!”

“It’s the right advice if you wanna get—” What I was saying got cut off by the sound of teleportation. I quickly realized I was sitting on top of Kat, who had been lying on my bed for some reason.

Less than a second later, her entire body was wrapped around me. “Wishes really do come true!” she shouted.

“I’m back, Kat,” I said. I would have hugged her, but my arms were trapped by her iron grip. “Why were you on my bed?”

“To get more of your scent, my lady,” she replied. It was faint, but I could hear her sniffing my hair.

“Are you not helping at the bunker?”

“How could I possibly neglect to protect my lady? Now that you’ve returned to us, I have to keep my eyes on you as much as possible to make sure you stay safe!”

“Then I guess you get to be the first one to hear. I’m founding a town, apparently. The residents will be mostly naga, kobolds, changelings, and monkeys. The guards will be from a mercenary connection I made a few weeks ago.”

“It’s about time more people became aware of your greatness,” Kat said, leaning back enough so she could actually look at me. “We shall turn this town of yours into the true capital of Equestria, my lady.”

“Also, I’m technically no longer a lady.” Her eyes shot wide open. “I am now a countess.”

“Congratulations, Countess!” And then, for some reason, she kissed me deeply.

It was kinda weird, but I bore with it until she pulled back. “Why did you kiss me?” I quietly asked.

“I couldn’t think of any other way to congratulate you physically, since I’m already hugging you,” she replied, rubbing her nose against mine. “Having you in my grasp is so perfect, countess!”

“So, you wanna let me go?”

“No!”

“Kat, let me go.” She did so, but was plainly reluctant. “Is the portal to the big ship still open?”

“I believe so, yes.”

“Good.” I slid off the bed. Kat joined me moments later and started straightening my dress. “We’re going to go visit it. What’s the easiest way there?”

“We should take the teleporter to the fort. From there, we can take another teleporter to the ship. Shall I go fetch one of the guard unicorns?”

“If you’d be so kind. I’ll be waiting on the teleporter.”

“We’ll join you shortly.” With that, we both left my room.

The instant I stepped out of my door, I got drenched by a water elemental. Flo’s pink body quickly pulled away. When I looked down, my outfit was back to pristine condition. Kat was already nowhere to be seen. “Congratulations on your promotion, Nav,” she said. “You should tell Doppel before you leave so she can plan something special for tonight to celebrate.”

“This is Doppel we’re talking about. She plans something special every night. Besides, I don’t see any reason to celebrate this. You can let the people here know if you want.”

“Let us know what?” Doppel asked. Apparently she had been hovering in the air a few meters down so we couldn’t see her. Now she was using the railing in front of me to prop herself up so she could stare at me. “What does she mean by promotion? And why don’t you think we’d care?!”

“I never said anything about you guys caring or not,” I replied. “And by promotion, she meant my noble rank. Celestia made me a countess.” Doppel’s eyes went wide. “Also, as part of my promotion, Celestia’s helping me found a town near the Everfree.”

“We definitely have to celebrate! I’ll make tonight even more special than usual, my lady!”

“Is celebrating really necessary?” I asked.

“Of course! We have to cheer for the new people who will be taught the greatness of our countess! I’ll go get started on preparations right away!” She let go of the railing and fell back down. I didn’t hear a splatter, so her wings probably took over at some point.

Whatever she was up to didn’t really concern me that much, so I walked on down to the teleport circle. The hornless mare from the tower was walking around the circle, staring at it from various angles and muttering. I thought it might take her a little longer to get back, but apparently not. “What do you think of it?” I asked.

“Oh, my lady!” she exclaimed, jumping up. “I… I was just so surprised to see one here! Where does this go, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Have you heard of the Zone of Alienation?” I asked. Her eyes widened. “My team and I conquered all the outer layers. Now we’re progressing into the actual ruins with the help of the army.”

“Astounding! Even the information in the tower about the Zone is limited!”

“Understandable. That place was spooky. Did you bring the books about runes?”

“I did!” She waved a hoof over to a table, where ten very large tomes were sitting. “These books detail all of the runes that the tower is aware of. My lady, may I have the honor of meeting the one who will be putting this information to use?”

“I’m just about to head over to meet him now. You’re welcome to join me. We’ll be using the Zone as an intermediary point, so you might have a chance to look around a little, too.”

“Of course, my lady! The unicorns at the tower would do anything for an opportunity like this!”

“To be honest, you’re probably just going to be disappointed. The only thing magical about the Zone was the big shield over it, and we already knocked that thing down.”

“...That can’t be true,” the mare said. “I’ve heard the weather inside changes constantly! The trees grow strange fruits and the ground grows amazing gems and metals with amazing properties! Surely some kind of fantastical magic has to be at work!”

“Nope, it was all human technology running amok. It was a relic of an age long past, something that woke up prematurely. The shield was put there by the race that woke it up in an attempt to seal it away. But now that it found the one it was waiting for, it’s no longer going crazy.”

“...Human technology? The Zone was a human ruin?!”

“Yep.” Before she could continue pestering me, Kat walked in with one of the guard unicorns. “Silence, will it be alright for you to join us? I’d rather have a guaranteed way to get back.” He bowed his head. “Can you carry those books on that table for us?” He grabbed them with magic and trudged over to the circle. The three of us joined him. Kat, of course, latched back onto my side. The mare paid it no attention, since she was excited about getting to see one of the final burial grounds of my people.

Soon enough, we teleported halfway across the country. The sudden temperature drop made me shiver. “This is it,” I said as we all looked around. The mare was giggling in glee, staring at a large orchard of trees growing up in seconds, then sprouting full fruits of all types. Each tree had several different fruits on it, some that I recognized but most that I didn’t. “Now that the relic is on our side, we can do things like grow as much food as we want and change the weather however we please.”

“Amazing. Simply amazing! I will be forever grateful that you took me in, my lady! I would love to have a chance to study here!”

“There’s a group that goes between the Zone and my house every day. You’re welcome to join them, at least until the university opens. Then you’ll need to choose whether to teach or to research. But for now, this is merely a layover. We need to move on before the ship starts moving.”

“Right this way, Countess,” Kat said, gently pulling me along.

Before we could get far, we were joined by two water elementals, Brook and Ice. “Welcome, Navarone,” Brook said with pink eyes. “What brings you by?”

“At the moment, I’m merely passing through. I have some things to deliver to the ship. Is the circle still active?”

“They’ll remain stationary for slightly less than two more hours,” Ice replied. “I would like to take a moment to thank you for… dealing with Aqua. We all knew the fate you gave her was just, but to have one of your kind in such a state feels… unpleasant. Now, at least she is at peace.”

“The coma reminded me of what I do to my enemies,” I said. “Despite all my attempts to neutralize her, I knew Aqua would always find some way to resist me. Keeping her around as an example had benefits, but too many risks. As of now, Darya has been a much more pleasant alternative.” My head suddenly felt slightly warm and I heard a soft giggle.

“It’s hard to come back from that kind of corruption,” Brook said. “But after we were purified, we all came to the agreement that we would keep each other honest by sharing nanites with each other. If we’re all constantly watching each other, surely we can avert any further tragedies.”

“Like brainwashing the kobolds into moving to my territory?” I asked.

“Yes, an event like that is something that would not happen if we all watched each other constantly, not that I have any idea to what you might be referring,” Brook said. For some reason, though, her eyes turned a very dark blue.

“I’m referring to when Mist forcefully turned the kobold chieftain into a host, then told him he was moving to the Everfree.” The two water elementals stared at me silently, turning darker blue by the moment. “It was shortly after the ship left the island. It was one of the many fun things the coma showed me. Anyway, we need to get going. I’ll talk to you two later.” Kat began pulling me along again.

“...Farewell for now, my lady,” Ice said. “We’ll uh… We’ll talk to Mist about… you know…”

“Yeah. Sure.” Both of them hung their heads as we all walked past.

“What were those things?” the mare from the tower whispered to Silence.

“You’re better off not asking him anything,” I said. “And those were more human relics, intelligent machines that have the ability to invade a mind, take it over, and change it however they please. You’ll get used to seeing them. If you’d like, you can try to get one to make you a host. You’ll be able to live for much longer, you’ll be able to breathe underwater, you’ll have improved healing, and they can provide a variety of other benefits. There are also, of course, downsides.”

“After some time in your employ, I would like to return to the tower to speak to them,” the mare said. “The work that is happening there is certainly important, but they can no longer close their eyes to the world. Living machines, a field of crops in an instant, human ruins, and mysteries galore! Just a few hours working for you has gotten my heart pumping more than it has in years!”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” I said.

Thankfully, the teleport circles were all fairly close. At the moment, the particular circle we wanted was being guarded by two of Celestia’s goldshirts, both unicorns. “Are you planning on heading to the ship, my lady?” one of them asked.

“I am. I have some important books to drop off.”

“Please wait about three more minutes,” the guard said. “Items are currently being loaded onto the circle on the other side to be delivered here. Until the circle is clear, we can’t send you.”

“Understood. How’s working at this place?”

“Humbling,” the guy said. “Everything I thought was only possible with magic, made doable through sheer human will. Jonathan explained that the humans essentially recreated life on the planet. Apparently it’s thanks to your species that we even exist, my lady.”

“That was a very long time ago. Humans may have been the catalyst for life to be reborn on this world, but enough time has passed that you’ve probably evolved past their expectations.”

“Even so,” the guy said, looking around at all the wonders surrounding us. “It feels like we are still foals just standing on the shoulders of giants.”

“The wonders of humanity are many and vast, but at the end of the day, our own weakness killed us,” I said. “It was all we could do to cast a light of hope into the future. I don’t know if you’ll believe it, but one thing humans never had was a floating city. Cloudsdale floored me when I saw it. We may be able to use machines to control the weather, but humans couldn’t live as harmoniously with nature as you can. That’s something only magic provides.”

“Having lived in both worlds, which do you think is better?” the other guard asked.

“If I was forced to pick between the two, I’d say technology. It provides everyone with benefits. Magic can definitely be useful for society, but anyone can use technology. However, being in my position means I no longer have to choose. My new goal is to take what humans knew of technology and combine it with what ponies know of magic.”

“That’s what we heard,” the first guard said. “The craftsponies on the ship are working on that right now.”

“Is this upcoming shipment going to be prototypes?” I asked.

“We’re being shipped a new type of golem, supposedly for excavation purposes. We don’t really know the details, though.”

“I guess we’ll find out soon.”

And then soon became now as ten hulking figures appeared on the circle before us. Mixed among them was Sunshine Smiles, one of my blacksmiths. “Uh… My lady?”

“Hello, Smiles. Are things going well on the ship?”

“Yes, of course.” At least he didn’t stay flummoxed for long. “Are you teleporting over now?”

“That was the plan,” I said with a nod. “I want to deliver some books and take a look around. Now, tell me about these archeology golems.” I finally looked one of them up and down. These models were based on centaurs, surprisingly enough. There were several loops of metal where you could attach ropes or equipment. One arm ended in a pickaxe while the other ended in a hand. The head was a large lightbulb. All four legs ended in sharp looking spikes that seemed hard to walk on, but would probably allow them to dig into the ground to brace themselves. Each one already had a set of saddlebags.

“These were a collaboration work between Master Jak and I,” Smiles said. “They’re designed to help in the exploration of the bunker. Their pony-like frame allows them to carry weight more efficiently, while the human-like torso and arm give it reach and versatility. It’s made to be a pack mule that can dig, bust through walls, and carry researchers to safety if ghosts show up.”

“They look impressive,” I said. “I’m sure the field teams will be happy for the muscle. Are you going to drop them off personally?”

“No, I’m just here to hand control of the golems over to the guards,” he said. “Supply team alpha, designate this pony as the new squad leader.” He pointed at one of the guards. The golems didn’t move an inch. “That should do it. Tell the field teams to document any issue they come across and we’ll send a team to patch the runes.”

“Got it,” the guard replied with a nod. “And this was the last delivery this time?”

“Yes sir. The ship will remain on location for another hour and a half before we depart. Our lady should return before then.”

“We’ll keep the circle clear unless somepony actually needs to go through,” the other guard said. With that, the guard leading the golems bowed to me and started trotting off. The golems followed, their spiky legs making an eerie noise. Once the circle was clear aside from Smiles, my small party stepped onto it. “Are you ready?”

“I am,” I said. “If you would?” His horn lit up and we all got teleported to the deck of my giant yacht.