Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zVv2wP05MYFbX1n4BlYwthtw8WWXp4tHvEpMd-hl4Y4/edit

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Celestia actually looked shocked when we walked in. I couldn’t help but grin. “Sup, honeybuns?”

“N-nav? What are you doing in Canterlot?”

“Well, I live here.”

“And Luna? Why are you here?”

“My lady requested my presence.”

“I can’t go anywhere without my new favorite vassal,” I said, ruffling Luna’s mane.

“YOUR WHAT?!” Celestia demanded, jumping to her hooves. The camera suddenly went off, capturing Celestia’s look of shocked rage. “Did… did you just take a photo?”

“Yeah,” I said. “We wanna capture this moment.”

“This… moment…?”

“We have some news,” Luna said with a predatory grin. “My lady has requested the honor of delivering it.”

“...Nav, what do you think you are doing?” Celestia slowly asked.

“Yoloing my way into power, Sunbutt,” I said, shooting her some finger pistols. “While I was at the bunker, I got complete and total control over Aqua.” All the blood drained out of Celestia’s face and the camera went off again. “So basically, you’re my bitch now.”

“I am no bitch of yours!” she finally raged.

“Sit.” She plopped right back down in her throne, glaring at me. “You look good there, Celestia. Which is great, because you’re going to be ruling for quite a bit longer. Well, you won’t. Your body will be there, though.”

“And just what does that mean?”

“It means we’re erasing your personality,” I replied with a shrug. Celestia’s mouth dropped and the camera flashed. “Man, this is honestly just the best. So who wants to take some time to rub it in?”

“Luna, how could you do this to me?!”

“Shall I count you the ways, dearest ex-sister of mine?” Luna coldly asked. “Remember how you made me your monster? Remember how you made me your weapon? All those years you spent building me into the perfect tool… I wonder, Celestia. Did you ever actually care about me?”

“Of course I did, Luna! I know it was rare for me to show it at times, but we were both always under so much stress…”

“And what of me, Celestia?” Twilight asked. “You certainly never seemed to answer every question I had. And then there were all those sleeping pills.”

“Twilight, you are the best student I have ever had! The only thing you lack is patience. I have such a wonderful future planned for you, but you’re just not ready!”

Twilight sighed and looked down. “I think it’s time I go my own way. I think it’s time all ponykind did.”

“...You’ve both fallen for the vile lies of Discord,” Celestia whispered. “You’re trusting this abomination over me!

“All she did was open our eyes, Celestia,” Luna said. “And we are not alone. There were nine factions represented at the council. We voted to brainwash you instead of killing you.”

“Remember that little coup I was building?” I asked with a smirk. “It wasn’t anywhere near as little as you thought. Aqua said you’d lose for a reason.”

“I am impressed that Nav was able to bring so many together,” Twilight said. “She truly has a habit for soothing tensions.”

“And for causing all kinds of chaos,” a voice said, a voice that finally clicked in my head.

As Discord appeared, I pointed right at him and shouted, “John de Lancie!”

That made him rear back and clap. “She finally remembered! Oooh, I knew you’d get it eventually!”

“Holy shit, that has been bothering me ever since I first heard you. Why the fuck would you go for that?”

“To bother you, of course!”

“Wow. You are really just all-around unpleasant, aren’t you?”

“Yep! So what do we have here, hm?”

“Oh, you know,” I said, waving a hand. “Same shit, different chapter.”

“It doesn’t look like it to me. Why, it looks like you’re brainwashing Celestia!”

“What an eerie coincidence,” Twilight said. “We actually are brainwashing Celestia!”

“Then that means I got here just in time!” he said, summoning a beach chair and plopping it down next to Luna. “I wanna watch!”

“...You wanna rub the fact that we’re wiping her mind in her face?” I slowly asked.

“Oh, more than anything! But that would be rude, wouldn’t it?”

“Probs. But aren’t you a supervillain?”

“Of course, but I have to keep you guessing. Maybe next time I’ll give you a wedgie!”

What a dick. “Welp, anyone else have anything to add?” I said.

“Enjoy your victory, Nav,” Celestia icily replied. “I hope you end up burning everything down around you so they can finally see you for the abomination you truly are. And I hope whatever you turn me into fails at whatever you order it to do.”

“I’d say it’ll be worth it for a world without you,” I said, finally walking forward to boop her on the nose. It looked like she was straining to try to pull back, but Aqua was holding her in place. “Flo?” As the small blob of water went down my arm, the camera went off again. Flo immediately slid into Celestia’s nose. “So, it’s everyone’s last chance to say something.”

“I have an idea!” Twilight said, trotting over. “Let’s all take a picture together with her!”

“Don’t you dare!” Celestia growled.

“Aww, you’re just cranky because your personality’s about to get wiped,” I said, pinching her on the cheek. “Don’t worry, Sunbutt! It’ll be a lot better than getting turned into a changeling sex slave, I promise!”

“Is this what that’s about? I told you, that was only just in case you betrayed me!”

Her eyes flashed blue. “That is false,” Aqua said with Celestia’s mouth. “She was going to purge your entire household the instant you found the last element of harmony.”

“Those lies really do add up!” Discord said, munching on popcorn that he presumably pulled from nowhere. “This is what happens when you mistreat people, Celestia.”

“Navarone is not people!” she yelled. “She is an abomination! And for the record, I’m glad you lost your cock! Watching you struggle with this has been ambrosia!”

“Also false,” Aqua said with Celestia’s mouth. “She was genuinely worried about your mental health.”

That’s almost surprising. “So who’s up for that selfie?” I asked. Luna and Twilight joined me around Celestia. Twilight and I got up close to her cheeks, both of us smiling. Luna sat in front of her ex-sister, failing to stifle giggles. Twilight floated the camera in front of us and snapped a quick pic.

“You should do one with silly faces!” Discord helpfully suggested.

“Might as well,” Twilight said with a shrug. It was a pretty decent suggestion, so we all took a moment to uncompose ourselves. Twilight quickly flashed another picture and we finally pulled back from Celestia, who was now actually crying.

“What was it you always used to tell me?” Luna said. “Turn that frown upside down, I believe? Perhaps something about how the sunshine would always brighten me up?”

“You’re just enjoying this so much, aren’t you?” Celestia coldly replied. “Finally watching Nav accomplish what you never could. What you were always too afraid to do. I hope you like living in the shadows, Luna. Nav will never give you a real place at her side. Not after what you’ve done!”

“She already has, in fact,” Luna smugly replied. “I got to have a deciding vote in what happened to you! And my lady vehemently defended my right to do so to the others!”

“I recognize greatness in others and choose to elevate them to greater heights,” I said. “I don’t see greatness in others and stunt them to protect myself. By my side, Luna will be achieving wonders. And you, under my control, will finally bring the world into the future.”

“Spoken like a true dictator,” Celestia spat.

“Yeah, well, guess what?” Thankfully, she knew that was rhetorical. “You can’t be mean and nasty anymore. Isn’t that right, Flo?”

Celestia’s eyes flashed blue and she groaned, lifting a hoof to her head. “That’s right!” Flo said with her lips. “Just like that, all the snarkiness is gone!”

“W-what… what did you do to me?” Celestia whispered. The camera flashed again, capturing her in a true moment of vulnerability.

“Flo just erased the part of your personality capable of all those mean words,” I replied with a shrug. “You know, kinda like what you were talking about doing to me all those years ago. What do you think, girls? What should go next?”

“Nav, p-please! I’ll swear any oath you like! Don’t let her do this to me!”

“Aqua, what was that famous saying?”

Celestia’s eyes flashed blue and she sighed. “Do unto others as they do unto you… Or threaten to do unto you…”

“I don’t think that’s how it goes,” Twilight said as Celestia took back over and actually started bawling.

“I do like the idea of turning that frown upside down,” Luna said. “We should wash away all her sadness!”

Celestia flinched and the tears turned to laughter. Twilight took another picture.

“Alright, this is starting to feel like a bit much,” Twilight said. “I know I voted to kill her, but this… this is making me feel bad.”

“That’s your conscience speaking,” Discord said. “You should learn to ignore that ol’ thing. All it ever does is get in the way of fun!”

“Like you ignore yours?” I asked.

“Oh, I never had one. I’m a magical manifestation. My mind is bent almost solely toward causing as much discord and destruction as I can with absolutely no regard for consequences or loss of life.”

“Alright Flo, we’re done dicking around. Do your thing. Goodbye forever, Celestia. I’ll always remember how nice fucking your ass was.”

“One moment, please.” Celestia’s eyes turned blue and her face went blank.

While she was reformatting, Twilight pulled me and Luna down with magic and whispered, “So what should we do about that thing?”

“Attacking would be unwise,” Luna whispered back.

“I’ll give you a bit to throw a rock at him,” Discord whispered from his position floating above us. Twilight sighed and face-hooved.

“Luna, summon me a rock,” I said. Her horn lit up and a rock appeared next to me. I grabbed it and flung it at the fucker. As soon as it hit him, he gasped in utter agony before clutching at the wound. After a few seconds, he groaned and collapsed to the floor. He shuddered twice, then disappeared. In his place was a single bit.

“Nobody touch it,” I said. “We’ll make a redshirt put it in a vault later.”

“I can’t believe that actually made him disappear,” Twilight said, clutching at her chest.

“I can’t believe he let us wipe Celestia’s mind!” Luna said.

Something grabbed me around the waist and shot me into the air. “Gotcha!” Discord shouted as he placed me on his back. “We’re gonna go on an adventure!”

“No the fuck we ain’t!” I yelled, trying to force myself off his back. It’s like his fur was holding me in place, though. After letting me struggle for a few seconds, he darted out a window. We both slid right through the glass and into some kind of other realm. All the dimensions seemed odd and every one of the buildings was heavily overgrown with vegetation.

Discord flew from one building to another, placing his creepy hands on each one. When we passed maybe ten of them, he finally laughed and slid through the walls. A mirror covered in runes was inlaid into the brick on the far side of the room we found ourselves in.

“I’m surprised you haven’t been asking questions,” he said as he floated toward the mirror.

“I’m surprised you kidnapped me. Can you please just kill me and get it over with?”

“No can do!” He placed one of his talons on the mirror and began sketching. Soon enough, he finished and the mirror flashed blue. “Hold on tight!”

That didn’t sound good, but I also didn’t have a choice. He finally jumped through the mirror. We appeared in a very dim place. My clothes disappeared and I slid off his back and into some very warm water. The place was so dark I could barely see anything, but it didn’t take me long to recognize the chamber where I deflowered my first princess. When I finally realized it, the mushrooms absorbed Discord’s ambient energy and lit up much brighter, fully illuminating the entire room.

“Normal people teleport,” I said, paddling over to the shore.

“Well, I am hardly normal,” he said, sliding back into the water. Before I could get out, he snatched my tail and pulled me back over. When I was next to him, he wrapped his scaley arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. “Isn’t that comfy?”

“Your very touch doesn’t hurt anymore, at least. So why am I here?”

“Because I am here, of course!”

“...Okay. Why are you here?”

“This is our first date, silly.”

“Our first what-now?” I asked.

“Well, that annoying Jonny had to ruin the surprise. I was supposed to get to tell you myself! You see, your transformation is far from over!”

“Why are you making me look like you?”

“Because that’s all part of our deal, Anonymous! Or well, that’s who you used to be. But I suppose you wouldn’t happen to remember that, would you?”

“Nope, sure wouldn’t. So, you maybe wanna explain it?”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “You were supposed to stay at the bunker and find the infodump the old you left, which probably explained this. You know, eventually. Probably after you did whatever impossible task he asked of you way back when.”

“So you know about that, huh?”

“Oh, I do,” he said, pulling me in slightly tighter. “I most certainly do! Why, you destroyed the world, Navi!”

“Nope, that was you. I don’t care whatever chain of events I or Anonymous set off, you’re the one who got it to that point. I’m not letting you put that on me. So what’s this about a deal?”

“It’s just, well, I hated him so much that I couldn’t just let him get away with dying! So there at the end, when I was going from bunker to bunker to stamp out the rest of those roaches, I ran into Anonymous, who had already seeded the start of a new world. It was he and those working with him who brought life forward. It was those across the seas who built the elementals to guide them.”

“Didn’t you say he yelled at you?”

“Yep, sure did! Oh, you should have seen the look on his face!”

“Yeah, I bet it was great. That dude was a douche.”

“Sure was. All those humans knew they were on borrowed time anyway, so I didn’t see any reason to eliminate him. It was too late to stop the rise of new life at that point, so I figured I might as well take some time to get to know the one I despised so much. As you said, he really was kind of a douche. I decided I had to have his soul. I couldn’t just take it, though. There are rules for that sort of thing.”

“But you can put them in a blood gem?”

“That’s different,” he said. “Once in a blood gem, the person is gone. All that’s left is their life energy. The souls I take are effectively those people. I still have Cain rattling around in here somewhere. He spends most of his time screaming in horror at the amount of atrocities his action caused.”

“Man, I bet that dude’s completely bonkers by now.”

“Oh, you have no idea. He’s still a flat-earther! Anyway, I decided to make a deal with Anonymous. I get to keep his soul and manifest it over time, letting him experience the world he built. Basically, making him suffer with me. You know, the funny thing is, you’re really the only one I stepped in to change things with, but the others all ended up in much worse positions.”

“I can only imagine. So what did you change around me?”

“Oh, you know,” he said, waving his other hand. “Pretty much just everything that made you miserable. And obviously all those lovely body modifications, though I did those to the others too.”

“Wow. So why would I want to date you?”

“Because seriously, fuck all the other races,” he said. “Look around you, Nav. Really look around you. You are surrounded by utter monsters. I have shown you the worst of the worst in this world! Surely even you can acknowledge it’s time to purge this hellish rock once and for all! In the end, it can just be you and me, together, until finally my power fails and we both slip into the peaceful void…”

“How about go fuck yourself? If you’d ever try not being a complete dickwad for like ten minutes maybe you’d consider that there are other ways of deep-sixing your whiny ass.”

“Well, you’ll have time to come around. You’ll also have plenty of time to get used to your new name, Eris!”

“Um. How about no?”

“How about yes?” I finally tried pulling away from him, but his grip was like a vice. “Maybe you don’t realize the opportunity this provides you… You keep saying you want the world to burn, right? I’d love to help you make that happen! Fighting me isn’t the only choice you have, Eris. Join the dark side. We have cookies.” His other hand snapped and a delicious looking cookie appeared. “Don’t you want cookies?”

“I do, but I’m almost willing to bet those have raisins in them.”

“Oh, you know me too well!” He threw the plate against the wall, where it actually hit so hard that it stuck in. The cookies all flew around the room, bouncing from wall to wall. Eventually he opened his mouth and they all flew in, one at a time. It stuffed his mouth entirely and he swallowed them all at once. “There are… other advantages to dating me, as well.” The arm around my shoulder started going lower.

“You know what, I’d like to go home now,” I very quickly said, trying to inch away from his questing talons.

“There’s no reason to fear me, Eris,” he warmly said, actually nuzzling the top of my head. “I know just how you like it!”

“Don’t tell me you’re a rapist, too!”

“I… am not, actually.” His arm finally pulled back. “To be quite honest, I am incapable of enjoying sex. I see no reason to force myself on you. Torturing you in other ways is so much more fun! Though I would be quite happy playing you like a violin, my lovely little instrument…”

“Yeah, well, I don’t have a god complex. Or fetish, I guess. Or a creepy fucked up abomination fetish, either. Which is why I really hate my body.”

“Man, you’re really gonna hate it when I’m done with you, then!”

“...We’ll just see about that.”

“What are you gonna do, cut everything off?” he asked, giggling.

“Uh. Yeah?”

“Wait, what?” He actually sounded surprised.

“I thought you were watching me all the time. Yes, I’m actually going to cut all of these off.”

“Whoa. That’s fucking hardcore. None of them have ever done that before! I wonder what’ll happen…”

“Can’t be worse than this bullshit,” I said. “Seriously, can we be done here?”

“Oh, I hate to see you frown, Eris! I’m looking forward to seeing you in white. It’ll make your smile shine!”

“So do you really see nothing creepy about creating me as a teenager, gender flipping me, and then trying to date me?”

“The teenager thing wasn’t my fault. The more times I manifest somebody, the younger their apparition becomes. This is the last time I can use your soul again. You’re the last chance to do it right, Nav—Er, Eris! And of course, if you fail, his soul becomes mine forever and you don’t have a choice anymore anyway!”

“What do you mean, if I fail? Was that part of the deal?”

“Oh, silly me. Guess I forgot to mention his side! He said if he could earn a new soul, that I’d release his into the afterlife. That certainly wouldn’t affect you, aside from getting a soul of your own. But if you fail to obtain a soul before your transformation is complete, I get to keep his soul, meaning you’ll become my wife forever.”

“...I don’t like that deal.”

“Too bad! You know, I think I’m going to enjoy picking out your wedding dress… I think it’ll be very short cut, so everyone can peek up it!”

“Can you please just not,” I sighed, finally relaxing and trying to sink into the water. I knew I couldn’t drown, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to.

“Once I own you for good, I’ll definitely have to fix up that attitude,” he said. “I expect better from my fiancée! I’ll have to fix your body back to what it should be, which I am just really looking forward to. You obviously need more in the breast department. And your booty is just pathetic! Really, you need to thiccen up.”

“Maybe I have an eating disorder. You don’t know, don’t judge!”

“I do know, actually. You’re just trying to passively kill yourself because you’re too much of a pussy to ever actually do it. Also you couldn’t succeed if you tried, because you kinda can’t die without my permission. Honestly, I’m surprised I’ve never had to actually intervene.”

“...Wait, seriously?”

“I mean, there were the obvious times when I sent Miguel after you and a few other things, but I never had to actually directly save your life. You just somehow kept getting super lucky over and over again. I’ve never seen anything like it!”

“High rolls,” I replied with a shrug.

“You’re a masterful nerd,” he said, booping me on the nose. He finally pulled me into his lap and started brushing my hair. “So, it’s time I make my real offer.”

“What, you don’t want me as your cutie pie human girlfriend?”

“Oh, you don’t get a choice in that part,” he said, running one of his hands along my side and leaving it on my hip. I tried to pull away, but didn’t have it in me. “If you lose, of course. And you most definitely won’t be human at that point. The deal, however… Well, I won’t force you to take it.”

“I know what’s happened to everyone you’ve ever worked with.”

“Not everyone,” he said. “In the end, everybody always got what they wanted. Sometimes, they just weren’t grateful for it.”

“You’re gonna have to explain that one to me,” I said, crossing my arms.

“Every time I give a person what they want, they usually disobey one of my conditions or ignore one of my suggestions. Their downfalls are all on them.”

“...Okay, keep explaining. Give me examples.”

“Look around, Nav!” he said, finally hugging me close to his furry chest. “Let’s start with Celestia. She took the elements of harmony, knowing they were cursed. When she used them, she gained thousands of years of life. Then when I told her to be a good ruler, she became a tyrant.”

“Fair enough, though it’s not like she really had much of a choice.”

“And then there’s Chrysalis. No matter what she does, she’ll never be Moonbeam again, not without my help. I told her to be a good mother. Instead, she became a monster, turning her children into slaves.”

“Kinda hard to feed a population that requires love to live.”

“That’s why you integrate into society as a helpful working class. All of them are subservient in nature already, so just turn them into servants that work for emotions.”

“...A purpose-built slave class.”

He grinned. “Now you’re getting it.”

“You’ve tried this before!”

That made him grin and clap his fucked up hands. “Now she gets it! A slave class is how you build a society, Nav! Societies were built to stop Discord!”

“Be honest, please. Are you trying to die?”

“Right now, I am trying to make a deal.”

“...Alright. I’m listening.”

“You realize now that I have been guiding you from the beginning, right?”

“I’d also like you to explain that one. You mentioned it before, but I’d like some examples.”

“That would take a while. For now, I’ll give you one example. Did you ever wonder what really happened to Taya’s parents?”

“I take it from that question, you are trying to die. Because you just signed your death warrant.”

“Why?” he asked with a giggle. “In Egypt, she was destined to become a slave of the government. She would have been turned into a mindless killing machine. Even if her parents could have gotten her out, there was no way they could have gotten to safety. After you rescued her, I introduced myself and made an offer. She accepted it. Now, look at her! She is your monstrously powerful, immortal little filly! The most beloved little girl in history, with a mommy who will be by her side for eternity!”

“...You monster.”

He gasped in mock offense. “How rude! I gave you the perfect little girl! She wants nothing but to love and protect you! And she’s so, so happy to do so!”

“So it’s a cursed gift. You make her a little monster, but a happy one!”

“If she is a monster, it is only your parenting to blame. All I did was give her the tools to do what she wanted: be your little girl forever! Now she is your adorable little attack filly, there to guard your back for all of time!”

“And to lust after me the whole way!”

“Well… look at how you treat her,” he said. “All those bellyrubs? Oof! Why do you think she moans so much? She just can’t get enough of being your adorable little filly! You really did a number on her. Truly, mommy of the year over here!”

“Eat a dick. So what, you gave her power and guided her along the path to become immortal?”

“Indeed. And now she is happy. She got exactly what she wanted!”

“And what did you get out of it?” I asked.

“Your attention.”

“...That’s a hell of an introduction.”

“I know. That’s why I put in the effort. And to be honest, I quite believe you’ll want to hear my offers.”

“It’s plural now?”

“Again, join me! Think of all the suffering they’ve wrought upon you. Think of how most species treat you, even now. With you, me, your daughter, and the elementals, we could wreak havoc on those who abused you so. Maybe even kill off all life! At that point, it would be easy to get you a soul so you and your little filly can live together peacefully for eternity. With no conflict left in the world, I die.”

“And sign the death knell for every race? I don’t think so.”

“Then my second offer. Let me be a crew member on your ship!”

“No. How’s that even an offer?”

“Are you kidding?” he asked with a scoff. “I’m monstrously powerful! With me at your beck and call, you could get anything done!”

“The answer is still an absolute and hard no.”

“Eh, it was always a longshot. Now, for my final offer… Give me Athena’s book and I will make you a man again.”

“Sorry, I’m not gay.”

It took him a few seconds to respond. “Um. I actually don’t follow.”

“If you’re going to force me to date you, I’m not going to do it as a guy. So go fuck yourself.”

“Fuck me yourself, you coward!” he said. I suddenly felt a throbbing erection pressing against my back.

“...No.”

“Okay.” The erection disappeared. “So I take it you really don’t want your cock back…”

“Obviously I do, but also obviously, I’m not turning over any humans to you. I don’t care if they’re both horrifying nutjobs. If you want to pick on a human, go visit Arachne in South America.”

“I actually did recently, just to pinch her cheeks. She was so excited to see me!”

“Yeah, I bet. So, you said that was your final offer. We done here?”

“You are just determined to make this a bad first date, aren’t you?”

“I don’t wanna date you, so… yeah?”

He sighed. “And I went through all this trouble to bring you here…”

“Well, this place is certainly pretty nice, but it could do with less genocidal monsters here.”

“But then I’d be here all by myself?”

“Oh ha ha. I think we both know you’re guilty of far more mass killing than I am.”

“Well, I don’t mean to brag, but you’re certainly quite right! It’s just so fun to toy with the mortal races! But don’t worry, Eris. You’ll always be my favorite.” He ended by snuggling me up close, which actually felt kinda nice. Now that his touch didn’t hurt, his body was kinda comfy. Super fucked up and creepy, but comfy.

“So where are we on being done with this?” I asked.

“Come now, Eris! I know you inside and out. I’m quite aware you find this body of mine comfy!”

Great, and now he’s in my head.

“And always have been! I’m just not always actually rooting around in there like those nasty elementals you have.”

“To be quite honest, I don’t really know how to date. And I doubt you know much about it either. How about we just push this forward to never and you drop me back off at my place?”

“I’m afraid never is just too far away,” he sighed. “We’ll match schedules later. For now, since you insist, I’ll take you back…”

“I’d also like the clothes back, if possible. It seemed like Moonie put a lot of work into them.”

“Of course I’d be happy to give your pretty dress back, Eris! On one condition, that is…” His hands wrapped around me and he spun me around so he could kiss me. His disturbing, insane eyes stared me down while his tongue toyed with mine. After way too long, he finally pulled back with a grin. “And how was that for a first kiss, hm?”

“...Please just kill me,” I whispered.

“Wonderful!” His talons snapped and I appeared back in Celestia’s throne room, completely dry and back to wearing clothes.

“What the absolute fu—”

I was cut off by a hug from a giant white furry mass. “Thank the light you’re safe!” Celestia said. “I was so worried about you, Nav!”

“So I take it her conversion is complete?”

“You take it correctly,” Aqua said. “Flo will be remaining with her for now.”

“How do you feel, Celestia?” I asked.

“Wonderful! It’s like all my worries have just been washed away… Thank you for avoiding violence, Nav. I will be delighted to work with you and the others to bring the world forward!”

“Man. I cannot believe this actually worked.”

“Is there something wrong?” Celestia asked, finally pulling back slightly.

I hugged her back. “Nope! I was just expecting you to somehow break free last minute and try to fight.”

“Well, there is no worry of that now,” she warmly replied. “That old witch has been washed away for good.”

Fucking score. If I hadn’t learned that I might be stuck married to Discord forever, this would be my best day in Equestria so far. “Cool.” My arms finally pulled back, but she continued hugging me. “So where’s Twilight and Luna?”

“They went to look for you, but I’m not sure where they decided to look.”

“Huh. Then I guess I’ll just go back home for now.”

“You don’t have to go!” she quickly said. “I haven’t had any petitioners, so I was considering taking lunch. You are welcome to join me!”

“Only if you’ll stop hugging me.”

“I’d be happy to stop… for now.” She finally released me, taking a huge weight off my shoulders. “Walk with me, Navi.” We both started walking to the big doors. “I have all of her memories. It’s… weird. In some ways, it’s like I’m watching events happen to another. And there are no emotions attached to any of them…”

“That is a side-effect of the personality wipe,” Aqua said in hopefully both our heads. “To destroy a personality but keep the memories, we have to strip the emotions from the memories. How you feel during the events of your life is what dictates your personality in the end. Remove the feelings and all that’s left is a slideshow reel and a husk of a personality. Since we didn’t completely wipe everything, you’ll occasionally find a few memories with emotions attached. And at the moment, Flo is going back through some of your memories and fabricating emotions as she goes. You’ll become more complete and stable as time goes on.”

“...How unstable is she now?” I slowly asked.

“I feel just peachy!” Sunbutt said, wrapping a wing around me to pull me close.

“She’s considerably more stable than you are at the moment,” Aqua said.

“That’s not very nice at all,” Celestia said. “Nav has been through a lot. It’s not her fault that her mental state is… abnormal.”

“Yeah man, shit’s been a hell of a ride. I just got told that I’m destined to be Discord’s wife.”

“I think I know just the way to stop that,” Celestia said. “You should marry someone else instead! Then he couldn’t possibly marry you.”

“While I do appreciate the thought, I don’t think it would bother him. Apparently I can stop it and free myself by obtaining a soul.”

“Then we’ll have to see what we can do about getting you one,” she said with a nod. “So how was your trip to the bunker?”

“Fun. Aqua, flash her the memories of it.”

“Done.”

Celestia didn’t even miss a beat. “Hm. The human perspective is so strange. Your eyes are in different locations and see things oddly. It’s good to see that your leadership is improving.” She paused for a few moments before nodding. “Very, very interesting. It will take me some time to peruse through everything, but I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on what we can do with what you found.”

“Once Brook and Aqua get here, they’ll be able to start working on ways to use the information we picked up. I have all kinds of ideas. Wanna help me form a royal academy next to the Everfree?”

“Of course! What will it be teaching?”

“Human science and whatnot. Also monster slaying, so I can start cleansing the forest and turning it into something useful. Definitely science and critical thinking. Oh, and runeworking. Probs a whole bunch of other shit. I’ll draw up the lesson plan with Twiggles later.”

She giggled and finally pulled her wing away. “It’ll be wonderful to finally really work with you, Navi!”

“Yeah, I’m pretty great.” Aqua snorted.

“You are,” Celestia replied with a nod. “And a true hero! You know, it might be time to make you an umbral knight…”

“That might be for the best,” I said. “That way, I can directly counter you if you ever somehow revert.”

“Don’t worry, my little human,” she warmly said. “I’ll keep you safe from that monster.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need you to not pull that my little whatever bullshit with me.”

“Hm, I’ll consider it. I do so enjoy making you flustered! Your pout is so cute!”

“I’m not cute, I’m fierce!”

She turned her head to look me up and down. “In that dress, I’d say you look more sexy than fierce. I assume it’s a gift from Moonbeam?”

“You assume correctly. And yeah, this dress definitely makes me feel pretty hot.”

“Hm… I can’t wait to tear it off of you…”

“What?”

She flinched slightly. “What?”

“Flo, did you not erase her sex drive?”

“Why would I do that?” she answered with Celestia’s mouth. “That would just be cruel.”

“Well, I can’t fuck her now!”

“Why not?” Celestia asked.

After taking a moment to consider what we were actually talking about, I decided to look up and down the hall. The only ones around were the Aqua-controlled guards that were following us. Since it was clear, I said, “I’m not going to brainwash you and then sleep with you. That’s just… I don’t know, wrong or whatever.”

“I’m a complete person and a consenting adult,” Celestia replied. “We were doing it plenty before the brainwash. I see no reason not to continue it after. And this time, I won’t purposefully try to feminize you all the time in an effort to help you adjust.”

“Little blessings,” I muttered.

“So, after lunch, how about we take a short little trip to my chambers?” she sweetly asked.

“I’m gonna pass.” She sighed and hung her head.

After a few seconds, Aqua cleared her throat. “So you’ll give Luna a sec—”

“You shut your whore mouth,” I said aloud.

“...You gave Luna a second chance?” Celestia whispered.

“I mean, in her dreams.”

“I suppose you did always find her more attractive…”

“I didn’t brainwash Luna,” I replied, flicking her back.

“No, you didn’t. You just made her a vassal, which means she’s unable to turn you down anyway. What was that you said about relationships with those you control?”

“That they were bad. Which is why I don’t have a relationship with her. I’m just throwing her a bone in her dreams every now and then. For your information, it’s actually only been once, so far.”

We finally got to her dining room. She opened the door with magic and graciously allowed me to enter first. I took the seat closest to her big-ass chair, which she promptly plopped into. “You may have had me brainwashed, but you did not pick the personality that replaced the original. And if my personality happens to mesh well with yours, I see no reason not to take advantage of it. This career has a considerable amount of stress and I would be quite pleased with your assistance to help relieve it.”

“Look, I’ll consider it. It seems super squicky to me, but I will consider it. At this point, it’s not like I really have much in the way of standards anyway.”

“I understand that your mind is unwell. Perhaps it might be best for us to avoid it after all…”

“Maybe.” Though I’m sure I’ll find someone else to fill my bed.

She sighed and looked away. Her horn finally lit up and a small bell went off. Her paid slaves started carting food in. They fucked right off when the table was full. “You don’t have to sound so happy about it.”

“I never sound happy about anything.”

“That’s not true at all,” she said with a smirk. “You get this smug tone when you get your way. It’s one of the few times there’s ever any life in your voice, which is one reason the old me found it so easy to manipulate you.”

“...Interesting.”

“It is, of course, something about which you need not worry with me. If I want you to do something, I will tell you. I see no reason to try to force your hoof.”

“And I’ll do my best to stop purposefully pushing your buttons just for quick laughs.”

That made her giggle. “By all means, continue! Though I do warn you that I will not be so easily riled. And many of the buttons might have changed. After all, you can’t accuse me of being a tyrant anymore!”

“I wasn’t accusing anybody of anything,” I said. “I was just making a simple statement of fact.” The honey-drizzled fruit was calling my name, so I finally started eating.

“Hm. So tell me, Nav. Do you think you rule my kingdom now?”

“Oh hell no. That’s exactly why I wanted to brainwash you instead of kill you. I never wanted to rule Equestria, which I couldn’t drill into the head of your predecessor. I do think I’m now in a position where I’m not in danger of having my head chopped off anymore. And I also think I’m now in a position where being listened to is a guarantee, not a false hope. But I don’t expect you to obey me. Equestria is yours.”

“It’s good to know that you understand your place,” she warmly replied, reaching over to boop me.

“‘Kay. So, are you considering a diet now?”

“Hm… No.” Just like that, she shoved an entire cupcake into her mouth. “I want to be able to hold you down more easily while I toy with you later.”

Hot. “Gotta stay positive,” I replied with a nod.

“We both know you’ll give in, Nav,” she said, floating over a banana. “It’s only a matter of time.”

“I mean, yeah. But I do have a rebuttal. You said before that you were a complete person. That’s false. Flo is still adding emotions to memories. That means you’re not quite done yet.”

“Fine. I don’t feel any different now than when I first awoke, though.” She unpeeled the banana and used it to pantomime some very lewd actions, all while staring me in the eyes.

When it got old, I grinned and said, “Hot, but wrong medium. You forget I have a—” She finally swallowed the entire banana whole, making her eyes slam wide open. “Holy shit. Was that on purpose?”

“It… wasn’t,” she croaked. “I suppose I had that coming. Today is technically my first time using magic. It’s… finicky, but I’ll get used to it. And you’re right, I did forget. Allow me to rectify my mistake.” One of the things on the fruit platter was half a cantaloupe. She floated it up to her face and shoved her muzzle inside, staring me dead in the eyes once more. When she had me transfixed, she moaned and I started hearing all kinds of squelching, pleasant sounding noises coming from the fruit. Soon enough, juices started leaking down her neck.

“See, that’s much better,” I said, adjusting myself slightly. She giggled and closed her eyes, slowing the noises down. I could hear her loudly gulping. “I was kinda hoping Flo would make you more reserved than this, though.”

“Really?” Aqua asked. “After how far you corrupted her?”

I guess that’s fair. God, I bet she made Celestia even more perverted! When Celestia finally set the rind down, I saw that she had eaten all the actual melon away. “Wow.”

She licked some of the sweet liquid off her face with a grin. “That really hits the spot. It’s almost as sweet as you, my little Navi!”

“So yeah, while I did find that pretty hot, can you not do it again?”

“Oh, fine.” One of her hooves reached over and somehow pinched my cheek, despite the hoof being covered in metal and being, you know, a fucking hoof. “Anything for you!”

“Good, ‘cause I’m also gonna need you to never pinch either of the cheeks on my face again.”

“Aww, I don’t get to push any of your buttons?”

“No. That’s also a pretty huge part of why I brainwashed you. Duh.”

She looked away again. “...Oh. I thought we were to be equals.”

“Obviously not. You’re the one in charge of Equestria. That defs put you way above me.”

“And yet you are giving me orders about what I can and cannot do.”

“You’re the one who literally just said you’d do anything for me.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t think it’s unfair! You get to push my buttons all you want and I can’t do anything back? That just makes me your royal punching bag!”

I stared at her in silence for a few long seconds before nodding. “Yeah, pretty much. I offered to stop, but you told me not to.”

“That isn’t fair,” Flo said, taking over Celestia’s corporeal form. “You can’t just dictate all of her behaviors. You lost the right to do that when you refused to marry her.”

“You refused to marry me?!” Celestia yelled, pulling back. “Why?!”

“I thought we covered this. If brainwashing you for sex would be bad, brainwashing you for marriage would be super fucked up.”

“Which is totally fair,” Flo said. “But we were discussing a bunch of pretty super fucked up options, so it seemed prudent to put everything on the table.”

“So how is me telling her what she can and can’t do unfair?” I asked. “I think I earned the right to be picky.”

“Because I’ve never done anything wrong to you!” Fakelestia said. “I deserve a fair first chance, same as anypony else! And that includes the right to act how I want to whom I want. I understand that you may find some of my behaviors to be distasteful, but this is what you agreed to when you chose to brainwash me instead of killing me. Please, Nav. Will you allow me to be me?”

“Fine, but don’t be a bitch about it.”

“I would never!” One of her wings flapped over and booped me on the nose. “Just give it time, Navi! I’m sure you’ll come to love the new me!”

“I highly doubt it, but I’m willing to be proven wrong.”

“That’s all I can ask.” She pulled her wing back with a big ol’ grin. “I’m curious, Nav. Have I passed your inspection?”

“Yes. As far as I can tell, you have no traces of evil.”

“Flo and I are both delighted to hear it.” And with that, we finally continued obtaining sustenance.

When I had my fill, I sat back and just watched Celestia. To be fair, I had been glancing at her off and on, but now I was pretty blatantly staring.

“Is something the matter?” she finally asked.

“There’s not a thing out of place,” I said. “So far, all of your mannerisms are just like hers. It’s… almost eerie.”

“I am her,” she replied. “A few personality quirks were just expunged.”

“That isn’t true,” Aqua said. “Celestia was completely erased and painstakingly rebuilt. This is Flo’s precision at work.”

“I am her,” Celestia very firmly said. “I am Celestia.”

“Yes, you are,” I said. “And you can never understand how grateful I am that you are.”

“...How did you feel about who I was, Nav?” she asked. “Truly?”

“I felt a wide variety of things about who you were. For the most part, I was afraid of you. Everyone in the country was.”

“You were afraid… I remember knowing that. And I remember… using it.”

“Oh, yes. You most definitely did. There were a few times when you threatened to imprison me for life if I didn’t do as you asked.”

“I have not had much time to go through my memories. I see that I have much to fix.”

“I’m not afraid of you, now,” I said.

“Yes you are. You’re uncertain of me. Uncertain of how I’ll act. Of how good of a princess I’ll be. You’re afraid that brainwashing me was the wrong choice. And most of all, you’re afraid that I’ll revert. Killing me was the only way for you to immediately alleviate that fear, but you thankfully couldn’t bring yourself to do it.”

“That would be such a waste,” I said. “I knew you could be so much more. You’re right. I am worried. But I know that should you ever fail, we’ll be there to help you.”

“The mare I used to be was a fool,” Celestia said, smiling. “She never should have abused you.”

“The mare you used to be was far too paranoid,” I said. “And could never bring herself to truly trust someone else. She was a complete control freak who turned herself into a god. I wanted to help her. I wanted her to change. But she was just too far gone. I couldn’t let her threaten my people. I definitely couldn’t let her threaten Taya.”

“You said you felt a wide variety of things for me. What else was there?”

“Lust was pretty high up there. As you said, there were times we had an active sex life. There were definitely times I was angry at you, and times I was worried about you. Sometimes, I admired you. Others, I hated you. I’m not sure if you’ve been through all the memories yet, but you’ve been a very significant part of my life for the past several years, usually for the worst.”

“I have been going through the memories. Flo is assisting. I have one more question, if you don’t mind. It’s personal and you don’t have to answer.”

“You can ask as many questions as you want. I won’t necessarily answer all of them and I might eventually get bored and wander off, though.”

“Did you ever love me?”

“I don’t know. There were times I thought that maybe I did. But you and Cadance both told me that love was a choice, not a feeling. And no offense to you, but there’s no way I would have ever chosen to love that monster. Whatever I felt for the mare you once were, it wasn’t love.”

“I know you expect me to be shocked or perhaps perturbed by that, but I appreciate your honesty. I intend to ask similar questions to many others who were close to the mare I was. I will not apologize for what she did, but I will swear an oath to do better. You will not fear me when I am done, Navarone. And you will never consider me a monster again.”

“Will I love you?”

“If love is a choice, that’s up for you to decide.” That seemed like a fitting way to end a conversation, so I stopped staring and let her get back to inhaling food.

When her fat ass was finally stuffed, her horn lit up and a small pouch appeared on the table. “This is for you.”

“What is it?” I asked, reaching over for the thing.

“Thirty cherry blossom seeds. It should be enough to last you for a while.”

“Excellent. I need to give one to Taya immediately.”

“Yes, it would be wise to let her hide one,” Celestia said. “I would also like one.”

“I can arrange that. I’m going to make one today and then go into the coma tomorrow.”

“I would like you to do it here, in the palace. You will be at your most vulnerable, so it’s only natural you should be where it’s safest.”

“Yeah, I’ve been considering where to do it for a while. It’s quite the conundrum…”

“Well, now you have your answer,” she said with a nod. “I’ll have a place prepared for you in my chambers.”

“I was actually considering doing it in Athena’s book. She and Hera have offered to watch over me and help me heal.”

“...Heal?”

“Yeah. I guess I didn’t mention that I’ll also be chopping off my wings and tail.”

“What?! How could you?!”

“Probably with the help of magic, if I had to guess,” I said. “I’m going to ask that they put me in the coma first.”

“Nav, chopping off the parts of you that you don’t like is not the right answer!”

“It is when Discord told me upfront that he’s turning me into a monster like him and that if my transformation finishes before I get a soul, I become his plaything for eternity. So it’s not really that difficult of a choice. This shit has got to go and I figure Athena and Hera are the two who are most likely to be able to put me back together.”

“I disagree. Moonbeam and I together could help you regrow anything faster than any amount of crazed humans. There’s no telling what they might do to you while you’re unconscious. You will be safe and sound in my care.”

“I need to build up trust with them. Letting them take care of me might help. I’ll talk it over with Athena before deciding.”

“I will have a place made ready for when you make the right decision. Now, shall we head back to my room for an after-lunch tryst?”

“I’m afraid not. I’m gonna head to my pad and shove one of these seeds in my belly button. I’m also gonna boop my cute little maid.”

“Way to make a mare jealous,” the princess sighed.

“Well yeah. The more jealous I make you now, the more fun I’ll have later when I finally give in!”

“Oh ho, now I see. Well, I’ve no interest in playing that particular game.” She finally got back to her hooves. “I will continue asking until you either give in or tell me to stop, but I have no more interest in feeling jealousy for you until we have something about which to be jealous.”

“Fair enough.” I hopped up and followed her out. “I’ll see you eventually, Sunbutt.”

“Farewell for now, my little Navi.” She started walking back to her throne room. The exit I needed was that way, but I walked the other to avoid having to talk to her more. When I got bored of walking through halls, I found a door leading to a wall and jumped off the side. From there, flying to my house was mostly a breeze. The only issue was how fucking frigid it was.

I tried letting myself in, but the ingrates locked me out of my own house. The big ol’ knockers on the front of the door were pretty loud and my lovely maid was right at the door. “Welcome to—My lady!”

“‘Sup?” She jumped forward and hugged me. I wrapped her up in my arms and walked in, then kicked the door shut behind me. “It’s pretty fucking cold out there.”

“What are you doing back in Canterlot?”

“Well, I live here.”

“Come on, Nav! Where’s everybody else?”

“Most of them are at the bunker. A few are on the way here on the Ambassador. Twilight’s… probably somewhere around here. I had some pressing business to take care of, so I had to come back early. Where’s everybody else?”

“Smiles and our first new hire are in the forge, the naga is in the sun room, and Silver is out getting lunch.”

“Coolsies, you and the naga are the only two that need to hear this anyway.” I carried her into the sun room, where the naga was defs chillaxin’. “‘Sup.”

“Welcome back to Canterlot, Navarone,” he said with a nod. “I assume you have more stories of your great deeds?”

“You assume correctly.” I finally dropped Doppel and sat at the naga’s table. “But first, we need to have a quick little chat.”

“About what?” Doppel asked as she found her own chair. “Wait… What happened to your eyes?”

“Something about the weather at the bunker made them instantly change to bright green. It also made my hair sprout flowers, but that didn’t last. Anyway, you know how I was planning a coup?”

“Vaguely,” Doppel replied.

“I assumed,” the naga added.

“Well, I wasn’t the only one. Aqua’s crazy ass took over Celestia, then took over me. I got control over her in the bunker, which gave me control over Celestia. I held a summit in the Crystal Empire to decide what to do with her. In short, we decided to brainwash her into becoming the perfect princess. Bitchlestia is dead and Canonlestia rules in her place.”

“So you have exterminated the elementals for good?” Ames asked.

“I did not, no. I did turn Aqua into my slave, though. She totes hates it. We also had all the elementals cleansed of their corruption, so they won’t be nearly as horrifyingly insane.”

“So why didn’t you just marry Celestia?” Doppel asked.

“Because I didn’t wanna. Did Silver actually go on her vacation?”

“Of course not. So what was the bunker like?”

“It was pretty neat. How was Canterlot?”

“Boring… How was the festival?”

“Fucking rad, aside from the bounty hunters. How was the clan?”

“They were well,” the naga said. “And they’re quite interested in seeing you again.”

“No they aren’t, they just think they are. The instant they realize I have disgusting lady parts instead of a wonderful dick, they’ll probs either kick me out or force me to get married.”

“Unless they already know and just want to test your skills,” the naga offhandedly said.

“Unless that, yes. But since I know that’s just a hypothetical—”

“It’s not, actually.” I just stared at him. “I told them.”

“Why?”

“They asked why you were avoiding the caves. I told them the truth.”

“Wow.”

“That’s not a bad thing,” Doppel said. “They want you there to test your skills, Nav. Prove to them that women aren’t just for looks.”

“Oh, as if that will make them change their minds. Remember, I used to be a dude. They’ll use that as their excuse after I whoop some snake-person ass.”

“Nav is likely correct,” the naga said. “Which is why they also invited Kat. They have no intention of inviting her into the clan, but they do want to see the purported female warrior.”

“Did you mention that she was a murderer?” I asked.

“No. I merely mentioned that she was likely one of the most formidable opponents I have found in my journey, despite being female.”

“Well, I need to drop something off there anyway, so I guess we’ll go at some point. I also need to go back to the clan under the Sphinx in Egypt, because apparently I actually am the one.”

“The one what?” Doppel asked.

“Like, the chosen one. Turns out that was me. I need to go back and prove it to those guys so they’ll join my war.”

“Your what now?” the naga asked.

“I’m leading Equestria into war against Tartarus.”

“Wow. Why?”

“A bunch of reasons. The biggest one is the big-ass spring of corrupted magic under it. With that cleansed and under my control, I’ll become the most powerful person on the planet. Another reason is because that’s where the last fire elemental is. Another is because the best way to weaken a being that is powered by discord is to get rid of a huge chunk of the discordant population. A pretty big one is because the local species of Tartarus have been under constant siege by the dregs of society and it’s time to fix that and bring them into the world. Nobody’s gonna be upset if we lead a crusade against the demons of hell. We’ve already been offered support by a few people and I’m pretty confident we’ll be able to effectively steamroll that place by the time I fully retrofit the army.”

“It sounds like a war worthy of legends! I’m sure my clan would be happy to join your crusade!”

“It sounds risky,” Doppel said. “Tartarus is supposedly the most dangerous place on the planet!”

“Well, I’m gonna find out firsthand,” I said. “Because I’ve been just about everywhere else. Tartarus will be the boss battle to end all boss battles.”

“So… how long will you be in Canterlot this time?” Doppel asked.

“About twenty-four hours. Then I’ll be spending some time in a coma. After that will probably be a whirlwind of activity.”

“Not as long as I was hoping, but it’s still plenty of time to meet the first potential new hire. He did say he had already met you, though.”

“First, I want to go get into something a little less presentable. Moonie put a lot of work into the dress and I feel super sexy, but it’s not very comfortable.”

“I would be delighted to help you prepare, my lady!” Doppel sweetly said.

“Good. I’ve missed your tender touch. Say, where’s Spider? I figured he’d be playing music.”

“At the library,” Doppel said. “They let him borrow more books than usual since he’s better at hunting mice than their cats. At the moment, I think he’s helping a pony xenobiologist write a report.”

“Neat. Then shall we?”

“Of course!” She flew out of her seat and pulled my chair back for me. I didn’t actually need it, but whatever. When we got out into the main hall, she flew up the stairs and unlocked my door for me while I trudged up the stairs like a peasant. By the time I finally got to my bodacious crib, she already had three outfits lined up for me. “I really don’t know how you managed without me, my lady…”

“It was tough. Kat tried, but all the creepy possessiveness kinda ruined it. Sunny ended up falling into the role because everyone else found it too demanding.”

I finally walked up to the bed, where she had everything laid out. While I started looking them over, she began undressing me. Apparently my choices were a sundress, a simple blouse and skirt, or a fairly thick and plain grey dress.

Grey fit my mood, so I nodded at it. “I guess that’ll do, though I don’t know why you didn’t pick any pants.”

“This may be your second impression with him, but it’s still an important one. It’s his first time greeting you as his employer, so he needs to see you dressed at least somewhat like a lady.”

“Whatever I guess. So tell me about this person. You said we’ve met?”

“Do you remember Atlantis?”

“I do. I also remember hearing that Equestria was sending ambassadors to try and get the prisoners freed.”

“They did. He was one of them, a griffin. Apparently he spent some time speaking to Twilight.”

“Oh yeah, the super gay one. I guess that explains why he’s in the forge with Smiles. A sissy little predator is exactly what he wanted.”

“Sure was,” Doppel said with a nod. “And Smiles has been taking full advantage of the situation!”

“So tell me this griffin’s name.”

“Aurora.”

“...Seriously?”

“That’s not his real name, obviously. He didn’t actually tell us. Apparently he wants to leave his old life behind entirely, and I don’t really blame him.”

“So what brought him here?” I asked. She finally got all my clothes off, so she dumped the grey dress over me and quickly slid it into place.

“One of your airships, actually. The princess wanted to ask them all questions.”

“I meant here here, not Canterlot. Why did he want to work for me?”

“Apparently you made an impression on all of them. The others tried coming here as well. Smiles and I spent some time talking to them, but I didn’t offer any of them jobs. Aurora was the only one I trusted not to steal everything and run.”

“Well, whatever I guess.”

Once she found stockings for me, she placed a small vibe in me and tucked the battery into the top of the stockings. “One quick test…” She pumped it, making me shiver in delight. “Good. So are you ready, my lady?”

I walked over to a random pair of shoes and slid into them. “Yep. Shall we go out the back?”

“Absolutely not! There’s no need to subject my lady to the cold. Go to the Sun Room. I shall fetch him for you.”

“‘Kay.” That left her to slide out the back and fly on down. As soon as she stepped out, I walked over to where she hung up the other dress and grabbed the bag of seeds Celestia gave me. I took them to the desk, where I had tape. When one of the seeds was firmly in my belly-button, I flipped the dayglass on my table and walked downstairs.

Twilight was waiting in the day room with the naga. As soon as she saw me, she teleported forward and hugged me. “Thank Celestia you’re alright!”

“But she didn’t do anything to help me,” I replied, hugging my mare back. “I did get some pretty useful info, though. The tl;dr version is that Discord is making me look like him and when the transformation is complete, he’ll own me wholly and turn me into his wife.”

“Alright, that sounds really horrible. But before we go into it more, can you define tl;dr?”

“It stands for ‘too long; didn’t read’. In this particular instance, it would equate to ‘long story short’.”

“Got it. So I guess that gives you more reasons to cut everything off.”

“Sho Nuff.”

She sighed and finally dropped down. “And that one means?”

“Sure enough. I put a seed in my belly button a few minutes ago. I plan to enter the coma as soon as it matures. I’ll be giving this one to Celestia, because I figure she can probably keep one safer than anyone else.”

“No, you’re going to give this one to me, because I’m the best mare for you and you trust me more than that sock puppet.”

“Be nice to Newlestia. She hasn’t done anything to deserve disrespect. Her sins have been washed away. In fact, she seems quite sweet.”

“So you had a chance to talk to her after you escaped Discord, but you couldn’t spend any time finding me?”

“I didn’t know where you were and I didn’t want to search the entire city. I also needed some stuff from the house and I figured you would end up here eventually. Hell, where’s Luna?”

“In one of your bathrooms, taking a shower. She said she would be more comfortable staying here than in the palace.”

“She’s welcome to a room on the third floor. Her accomodations won’t be as spacious, but I’m sure she’ll probably find some kind of horrific, ungodly magical solution to that.”

“Are you sure having her here is wise?” the naga asked.

“No. But she’s been loyal so far, so I have no reason to doubt her. Twilight, can you do something for me?”

“Anything!”

“Draw a teleportation symbol in the room directly upstairs from here. I want to get in direct contact with the bunker so our troops can rest at home between shifts.”

“You don’t want a general teleport sign for that,” Twilight said. “You’ll want a direct-linked sigil. I’ll need to get some books from the library here, but I can have it done before night.”

“Awesome. I’m not planning on leaving the house again, so I should be here whenever you finish.”

“...Will it get me out of tummy-rub timeout?”

“It just might,” I said, booping her on the nose.

“Then I’ll get started right away!” Her horn lit up and she vanished, just in time for Doppel to walk in with a semi-familiar griffin. I think some sun, a few showers, and a few days of real food did wonders for the guy.

Aurora demurely followed Doppel, who stopped in front of me and waved a hoof behind her. “I present Aurora, my lady.”

The dude bowed and said, “My lady.”

“You were nice to us while we were in Atlantis.”

“I try to be nice to everybody, my lady.”

“Not a bad idea, sometimes. Do you have any experience working in a noble’s household?”

“No. I spent most of my time as a scout for a griffin naval vessel. Our boat was presumably lost at sea while I was out scouting. I flew and flew and flew, looking for it, but got tired and fell into the ocean. The water elementals eventually saved me.”

“Hm. Stand up.” He rose, but didn’t actually meet my gaze. “I can understand not wanting to go back to being a scout, but you don’t have any other reason to go home?”

“Not really. I joined the army because I lost most of my family when I was young. After what you did for the changelings, I decided you were also nice. When I found out you were a noble lady, I decided I’d see if I could work for you. I don’t know much about working in a house like this, but I’ll do my absolute best to learn.”

“I’m happy to give you a chance,” I said. That made him beam, of course. “Do you already have a room?”

“I do. Thank you, my lady!”

“Don’t thank me yet. Doppel’s your boss, now. You’re her first toy.”

“Maybe not my first,” she said, finally turning the vibe on. “But I’ll definitely do my best to work you to the bone. I think there are places in this house that haven’t seen a duster in ages!”

“You said he’s the first new hire,” I said. “Are there others?”

“I have a few prospects. Two mares are supposed to come by for an interview soon. One is a cook and gardener and the other is a maid. They do come as a package, though.”

“We need a cook, a gardener, and another maid,” I said. “So a package deal is fine by me. I guess a lesbo couple?”

“I dunno. I assume, but maybe not. I haven’t gotten all the details yet, I just know that the one I spoke to said they’d only work together.”

“Whatever. Like I said, we need all of those things. Unless Aurora can cook or garden.”

“Until the airship finally hit land, I hadn’t seen a plant in about six years,” he said. “I did occasionally get kitchen duty on our ship, but that was also six years ago.”

“Well, that brings us up to three servants and a cook/gardener,” I said. “Assuming we hire those two, at least. I think Smiles suggested four servants, so we’d need just one more.”

“I’ll see what I can find,” Doppel said. “Any race preferences?”

“Nope. Feel free to take your time with the last one. We can probs last a while with three.”

“I’ll see what I can do to find the best fit,” she said with a nod. “Now then, let’s get you properly settled in!”

“Of course, Miss Doppel.” For some reason, that made my maid squee. She quickly dragged the guy off, presumably to find some kind of uniform for him. The toy clicked off before she turned the corner.

“Society is strange,” the naga said. “There are so many layers of rank. Servants, head servants, vassals, soldiers, nobles, royals… It’s all so confusing. How do you keep everything in order in your head?”

“Social conditioning,” I said. “Most people who grow up in societies learn the natural pecking order quickly enough. Equestria’s close enough to some of the human cultures, so I’m pretty decent at knowing who is ranked where. For an outsider looking in, I can see why it would be confusing.”

“Hm. This house is large. Do you think there might be room to bring my family to visit?”

“Yes. And if not, we can make arrangements elsewhere.”

“Excellent. I would like to take them to that meat restaurant.”

“Yeah, that place was the bomb diggity. So what have you guys been doing while I was gone?”

“I have begun writing. I’ve found that getting my thoughts on paper makes keeping track of them easier. It is also helping my ability to read. Doppel has been cleaning. Silver has been wracking her mind on your finances while avoiding advances from a crazed stalker. Smiles has been making weapons.”

“He’s making weapons?” I asked. “For who?”

“Whom,” Luna said from right behind me, making me flinch and spin around. She was just passively staring at me. “And greetings, my lady.”

“First off, don’t be that guy,” I said, booping her on the nose. “And second, start with the greetings next time.”

“I didn’t realize ponies could be that quiet,” the naga said.

“Stepping silently is a very good skill to have,” Luna replied. “For whom are these weapons being produced?”

“Ponies,” the naga replied.

“Hm. Where?”

“In the forge,” I said. “I want to see them, so let’s go.”

“I have had my fill of the cold,” the naga said. “I will be in the cellar, practicing.”

“Have fun.” Luna and I walked out the back while he slithered to the kitchen. “So what do you think of the house?”

“I approve,” Luna replied. “I hope I have time to rip the spirits out before Zecora returns and scolds me for trying.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” I said. “Plausible deniability and all that. For reference, Zecora already knows about them. In fact, she sees dead people.”

“The ability to see beyond is very rare. I am not surprised she has it. Zecora is a very interesting mare.”

“Sure is. Her belly is kinda bristly.”

“I’m sure you much prefer mine.”

“It’s not a competition,” I said, scritching one of her ears. It happened to be right as Smiles was walking out of the forge. He froze when he saw Luna. When he noticed my hand on her ear, his mouth dropped. “Sup?”

“W-what are you doing here?” he demanded.

“Well, I live here,” I said.

“Not you! Her! Nav, what is she doing here?!”

“I am here to inspect your work,” she replied. “I would like to see the weapons you have made.”

“N-Nav?”

“Yeah?” I asked with a grin.

“What is she doing here?!”

“She’s here to inspect your work,” I said with a shrug. “She would like to see the weapons you’ve made.”

“Why’s she in Canterlot?!”

“...Well, I live here,” Luna slowly replied. “Is your mind well, Sunshine Smiles? Have the metal fumes gotten to you, perhaps?”

“I’m so utterly confused,” he finally whispered, moving his head back and forth between the two of us.

“I’m not surprised,” I said, tousling his mane. Luna picked him up with magic and set him aside so the two of us could enter.

“I guess let me start here,” Smiles said, following right behind us. “I thought you were in hiding.”

“I was,” Luna said. “But no longer. Now, I am my lady’s vassal.”

“You… you serve Nav now?”

“Humbly and with honor. Let us discuss these weapons of yours.”

“...Alright. These are the two I’ve finished so far.” The first was a spear with what looked like a harness to attach it to armor. The second was a spike attached to a horse boot. “The spear has a quick release mechanism, to drop it in case it gets stuck. It’s mostly for a pure charge, or for funneling opponents. The next thing I’m going to make is a shield to go with it, to protect more of the wielder’s body. It’ll be heavy, but magic can fix that.”

“That enables the phalanx,” I said with a nod. “We’ll have to drill the army in that maneuver.”

“It also allows a turtle, if you use unicorns,” Luna said. “Three unicorns can hold a wall of steel up a lot more easily than holding a wall of magic up. And thrusting a spear forward is easier than forming a fireball.”

“What about the spike?” I asked.

“Allow me to demonstrate,” he said, pulling the thing off the anvil. He reached back around to one of his back legs and slid it on. The spike faced forward, toward his head.

“That seems kinda worthless,” I said.

That made him grin. The boot tapped on the floor twice and the spike dropped down. He lifted his hoof up and I realized the spike was on a small hinge. When his hoof was high enough off the ground, the spike locked into place and he kicked backwards. “Not useless, just hard to use,” he said, leaving his hoof in the air. “I uh… I haven’t figured out how to make it go back yet…”

I walked over and slid the thing off his leg. “It’s an interesting concept, but it seems like a good way to get yourself mcfucked up pretty quickly. Imagine what happens if your leg gets stuck in whatever you stab.”

“I’m working on a quick release for the spike,” he said. “That will come after I figure out how to unlock them again.”

“Skip unlocking them,” I said. “Make a quick release and make them disposable. This should be an emergency use only weapon. It’s just so utterly inconvenient.”

“Skip building it entirely,” Luna said. “I have already given Jak plans for several pony weapons. The spears and shields are a good idea, but the claws of old quite handily trump the spike you have made.”

“Describe these claws,” I said.

“As with the spike, they go on the hooves and they have a locking mechanism. However, by default, they are on the front hooves and they are locked in place against your leg. When you release them, they lock into place perpendicular to your hoof, acting somewhat akin to the talons of griffins.”

“Well, I was on the right track,” he said with a shrug.

“Navarone has also given me a few ideas for other weapons for unicorns. The throwing knives and the ranged weapons she possesses are… intriguing. I am confident I could use knives or bolts with magic, saving strength by using steel to kill my enemies.”

“You can,” I said. “Taya’s thrown bolts around with magic with pretty good accuracy. I’m sure if she practiced, it could easily be pinpoint. And I’m sure if Rarity ever put her mind to it, she could wield a dozen knives at once.” If she can hold a needle, she can hold a knife.

“I believe I shall begin practicing soon. For now, I ask permission to use the forge.”

“You have it,” I said with a nod. “Do you need help? I can make Smiles stay.”

“I do not. It will take me a few hours to gather ingredients, though. With your permission, I would like to go do so.”

“Go for it, as long as you don’t have to do anything illegal.”

“I will not. I shall be back as soon as I can.” Her horn lit up and she vanished.

“...So why is Luna your vassal now?” Smiles asked.

“Because Aqua made me accept Luna’s oath.”

“...So why did Aqua make you do anything?”

“Because Aqua forcefully took me over before I left.”

“She what?!”

“Are you really going to make me repeat myself?”

He immediately jumped up to hug me. “I’m so sorry, Nav. That sounds… awful.”

“It was,” I sighed, actually hugging him back. When it got old, I finally let him go. Thankfully, he stepped back without me having to threaten him. “But it’s over now.”

“So how did you get free from Aqua?”

“Help from another human construction, an old AI left to guard the bunker. Twilight’s working on drawing a teleportation symbol for it, so you’ll likely get to see the place soon.”

“What? Isn’t it dangerous?”

“Only in the bunker itself. Topside is now completely under our control. Jak will probably be needing your help.”

“Good. It’s been quiet here without everyone around. I’m used to hustle and bustle now.”

“I’m looking forward to a bit of quiet. I just don’t know when I’m going to get it.”

“So why are you back in Canterlot now?” he asked.

“I had to take care of some important business. That’s part of why Luna is still my vassal.”

His eyes stared at me strangely for several long seconds. He finally asked, “...Are you the princess now?”

“No. The clash between titans has ended with no victims that anybody will miss.”

“Well, I guess the less is said about it, the better.”

“Are you enjoying our new butler?”

His ears shot straight up and a smile immediately filled his face. “You hired him?!”

“Yes.”

“Yes! Gotta go, seeya, bye!” He galloped out the door and immediately slid on an ice patch, sending him face-first into the snow.

A part of me wanted to see what Luna was making, but considerably more of me wanted to go take a long bath before Taya got home and I had to deal with her crazy ass. Fleur and Gilda would probably also be super needy and any chance of me-time would pretty much disappear. All that in mind, I started walking back to the house, ignoring Smiles as he pulled himself off the ground.

“That is a very poor way of thinking about your lovers and daughter,” Aqua said, doing her best to not sound disapproving.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing some time to yourself.

“There is absolutely something wrong with calling your daughter crazy and calling your lovers super needy.”

Your opinion has been noted. I can’t exactly help what I think, though, so I don’t know what you expect me to do about it.

“Negative reinforcement is key,” she said. “As are alternative ways of thinking. Taya isn’t crazy, she’s eccentric and loves her mommy just a little too much. Gilda and Fleur aren’t needy, they’re just high maintenance.”

“Which… still isn’t a good thing.”

“Obviously not, but it’s marginally better than calling them needy. You can bump them down from high maintenance to overly doting later.”

You’re super needy, too. I finally got back inside, where it was much warmer. Smiles was still struggling to get in, so I left the door cracked for him. Nobody was in the sun room or the main hall, so I walked up to my room in a comfortable silence. I locked my door behind me and dropped my clothes on the way to the bathroom.

Any thoughts of potential me-time were immediately dashed. Doppel had already drawn me a steaming bubble bath and was waiting for me, disguised as a sexy human in a very skimpy maid outfit. “I wanted to welcome you home properly, my lady,” she said with a deep curtsy. “So I took the liberty of drawing you a bath!”

“Thank you. Why are you human?”

“I know you love my real body, but I also know how it feels to be around your own race. And more, I know how it feels to be away from them… So I thought I’d become one of those porn stars you showed me on the laptop!”

“Are you going to be joining me in the bath?”

“Maybe later. I have a few other things to do for your welcome home!”

“Cool, I guess. Then I’m just gonna slide on up in there.” And I did just that. When I resurfaced, she curtsied again and walked off, leaving me with a perfect view right up her skirt.

It wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for, but I knew Doppel wouldn’t waste my time. The water was nice and warm, so I finally let myself luxuriate. Not having to fill the tub myself was just icing on top.

“So how shall we pass the time?” Aqua happily asked after about a minute of silence.

“I dunno, how about quietly?”

“Would you like me to sing a soothing hymn?”

“Uh. No? Would you like to bimbo mode?”

“I would not, no.”

“Then I say we shall pass the time quietly.” She sighed and shut her whore mouth.

About maybe fifteen minutes of soaking, Doppel let herself back in, carrying a platter with a single glass on it. “I’ve brought you a drink, my lady,” she said, kneeling down to set it next to the tub. “I hope you don’t mind, but I opened that box with all the threats on it.”

“I don’t mind at all,” I said, sipping on the tasty and fairly harsh booze. “Nothing wrong with breaking out the good stuff for my biggest victory ever.”

“I assumed you’d want to celebrate. How’s it feel to be the most powerful woman in Equestria, my lady?”

“Honestly? It feels pretty fucking amazing. It would feel a lot better with that tongue somewhere warmer, though.”

“I live to serve at your whim,” she huskily replied, easily slipping out of that skimpy maid outfit.

Between the liquor, the heat, and her lovely tongue, I simply melted into the bath. It was totes amazeballs.

When I regained my corporeal form and figured out how to walk again, I finally sighed and said, “I guess I can’t just stay in here forever…”

“But isn’t it nice and cozy?” my lusty changeling maid asked from her perch in my lap.

“It is, but we only have so much time before everyone else gets here. Which is about how long, again?”

“I have no idea,” she said with a shrug.

“Not you. Aqua?”

“Oh, am I allowed to talk again? I thought I was still under threat of bimbo mode.”

“You know that’s just gonna make me put you in bimbo mode, right?” She sighed in disgust. “So, ETA?”

“Ten.”

“...Ten what?”

“Nine.”

“What?”

“Eight.”

“Aqua, you have literally no time lef—” That’s all I had time to say before my filly teleported above the tub. Gravity immediately took over and Taya fell into the water, sending soapy suds everywhere. “Super.”

“Mommy!” my psychotic little horse squealed, hugging me around Doppel.

“So yeah, we’re kinda here now,” Aqua said.

“So. Taya. It’s super nice to see you and all, but did you really have to teleport in here?”

“I wanted to hug you!”

“That was a yes or no question.”

“Then yes. I had to teleport in here to hug you!”

“You coulda walked.”

“Ew. What am I, a peasant? Now how ‘bout a tummy-rub, mommy? Or maybe an ear scritch? Oooh, or both!”

“We were actually just getting out,” I said. “You’re free to enjoy the tub, though.”

“Well how can I enjoy it if you’re not in it?”

“Try the dials,” I said, picking her up and scooching her over to one side. “Sit here. See this?” I grabbed one of dials and set it on turbo. She squeaked, but quickly sighed as the jets worked their magic. “They can do all kinds of shit. Go nuts. Just be careful.”

“What do you mean, be careful? Is there a setting on there for shred or something?”

“There are some things a mother just can’t say to her daughter. For those, you need a slutty shameless maid. Doppel?”

“If you prop yourself up at some weird angle to let the jets get you off, make sure you don’t slip and crack your skull.” I finally pulled myself out of the tub. Doppel cleared her throat. “And… maybe don’t start on turbo…”

“Definitely don’t start on turbo,” I said.

“So wait… you’re saying I can… Oh. You know, I think I will enjoy the tub, mommy!”

“Coolsies. Doppel, you wanna…?”

“Right!” My maid pulled herself out of the bath, then flashed back into a changeling. That instantly dried her off, luckily for her. “One moment, my lady!” she said, fluttering over to one of the cabinets. She pulled out a few towels and flew over to me with a grin. Her hooves wrapped all my hair into one towel, then used another to pat me dry. I tried taking one and doing it myself, but she slapped my hand away.

“So why did she get bellyrubs as a human?” Taya asked. “You didn’t give me one!”

How long were you watching, again? “I figured it was only fair,” I said with a shrug. “Least I could do after everything she did to spoil me.”

“What about everything I do to spoil you?” Taya asked.

“Nothing you do can ever spoil me as much as she can,” I said. “This is Doppel we’re talking about.”

“Ugh, whatever! But I’m cuddling with you all night!”

“We’ll see. Doppel?”

“You’re dry, my lady.”

“Then have fun in the tub, Taya. Be sure to get squeaky clean.”

“Oh, I will,” she said with a giggle. “And I’ll be thinking of cuddling with you the whole time!”

Wow, super creepy. “‘Kay.” I walked out. Doppel hastily followed, pulling the door shut. “So with the ship here, there’s a pretty sizable group of peeps out in the house. Including possibly a griffin princess.”

“Oh great, that cunt’s back.”

“Wow, rude.”

“Remind me about the time she commented on how changelings sound when we’re boiled alive.”

“...Why? You’d just get angry again. Point is, she might be here and she might be staying a few nights.”

Doppel sighed and rolled her eyes. “You’re sleeping with her, aren’t you?”

“She may not be spending every night in her room.”

“Of course. Can I convince you to go to her room instead?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Her bed is smaller. Cleaning the sheets is considerably easier.”

“I’ll see what I can do about keeping the fun in the tub.” Speaking of, we heard a very quickly muffled moan from the bathroom. “So let’s get dressed.” Just like that, I had my new outfit laid out for me. It was a frilly pink dress with ribbons and lace everywhere. “Wow. So that’s what you think I should wear while relaxing around the house?”

“While entertaining a princess? I don’t see why not.”

I didn’t either, honestly. And it had been a little while since I looked cute, so it meant I could surprise everybody for easy giggles. I dropped the towels and slid into the awful thing. “Speaking of entertaining a princess, would you be interested in taking a shot at her?”

“I… might. It’s something I will consider.”

“No hurry.” With me all dressed up and Taya presumably just waiting for us to leave so she could get weird, we finally dipped. Doppel immediately flew off to who knows where, leaving me to fend for myself.

That changed pretty quickly when a big bimbo swallowed me whole. “It’s wonderful to see you again, my lovely little lady!” Aqua sweetly said as she cuddled me. “And you look so cute!”

“I know, isn’t it great? So give me a sit-rep. What am I about to walk into?”

“A huge nest of crazy hormonal bitches.”

“Great, so just another normal day.” She finally started carrying me downstairs. “And was there any blowback from leaving the meeting the way I did?”

“Aside from Moonie accusing the others of ruining her chance of getting to speak with you, no. Although I don’t think anyone was all too happy.”

Then they shouldn’t have been shitty. I wanted to say it aloud, but we were finally where peeps might hear me. And as it so happened, I was able to hear some other peeps. When we got to the sun room, we found that it was occupied by a surprising number of people. Silver Quill was in a corner of her own, surrounded by all her nerd shit. Gilda, Brook, Blossom, and Fleur were at the other corner.

“What up, bitches?” I said with a nod. Silver didn’t even notice, so Aqua started scooting me on over to the cool kids’ table.

“Is that how you greet your high ranking guests and close friends?” Fleur asked.

“Duh, you just heard me. So how was the flight in?”

“Nerve-racking!” Gilda said. “After you stormed off, we were worried about what you might do with Celestia!”

“Why would you be worried about it? I got my way. Whorelestia is out. Purelestia is in.”

“Well, until you get your hands on her,” Brook said.

“I actually had to turn her down already. Apparently Flo and I didn’t agree on what settings to use.”

“So it is done, then?” Fleur asked.

“Oh yeah, she’s gone. We took plenty of pictures to share with everyone, too.”

“You… took pictures?” Blossom asked. “Of… what?”

“Mostly the look on her stupid face,” I said. “Man, let me tell you, it was almost worth it.”

“Why almost?” Brook asked.

“Because not even the knowledge that she’s finally dead is enough to give back everything she took from me. But at least in the end, I finally got to take just a little bit more.”

“It is relieving to know that tyrant is dead,” Gilda sighed. “And my brother is most eager to see you again, Nav. He’s quite taken by you, it seems.”

“Yeah, I had a feeling I made an impression on him.”

“You probably besotted the poor fool,” Fleur sighed, shaking her head.

“I doubt it,” Gilda said. “There’s no way he would have given me his blessing if he was in love with her.”

“His blessing for what?” I asked.

“Marriage, of course. Nav and I are to be wed!”

“...I’m sorry, what now?” Fleur asked.

“Yeah, I’m kinda confused about that one, too,” I said.

“Well, we’re to be wed as soon as you stop stalling and just say yes.”

“Step in line,” Blossom said. “Everyone and their mother is after Nav’s cooch.”

“Hey, if your mom is still kicking, give her my address,” I said. “That kinda cuteness has to be genetic.”

“And so is your kind,” she replied, looking me up and down. “That feminine little body is just perfect for you, isn’t it?”

“I mean, it gets the job done. How are those gems treating you?”

“Extremely well! No headache and I’m wide awake!”

“Awesome. We’ll probs have a steady supply of them soon.”

“A steady supply… of blood gems?” Fleur asked.

“Most of them come from Tartarus. If we capture Tartarus, we get the gems.”

“And there’s no telling what that psychopath pet of yours may do, either,” Blossom said.

“Which one? I have three or four who fit that definition.”

“Sorry, specifically the evil ex-princess bitch who had me turned into an undead abomination.”

“Then yes, there’s no telling what number of blood gems Luna might decide to go and acquire on her own. I’ll do my best to keep her reined in.”

“Perhaps a leash would do the trick,” Blossom said with a smirk. “And maybe a muzzle.”

“Maybe in your weird, pervy dreams. A pet princess is much more fun than a pet ex-princess.”

And that put all eyes on my most recent conquest. “What? I’m much more fun than that creepy horse!”

“And you’d look cuter with a leash,” I said, scritching the back of her neck.

“Oooh… I’ll happily accept a leash if it’s attached to the ring on your hand!” Fleur cringed just a little and Blossom rolled her eyes.

“Desperation is unbecoming of a princess,” Aqua said. “And many find it an unattractive quality.”

Fuckin’ burn.

“And forcefully injecting yourself into the one who saved you and all your sisters is even less attractive,” Brook replied.

“I am not the one trying to be an attractive mate,” Aqua said. “Though if I was, I’m proud to say that my lady has granted me an extremely attractive body.”

“Bimbos don’t actually do it for me,” I said with a shrug. “I prefer smaller, cuter chicks. Though there is definitely something to be said for all dat jiggle. I mostly just do it to humiliate you.”

“And I am not desperate,” Gilda said. “I’m just very certain in my decision.”

“In your decision?” I said, crossing my arms.

“Yes. Now all I must do is wait for you to make the right choice. Unfortunately, I’m impatient.”

“I’m confident that you’ll find some way to cope,” I said, tousling her feathers. Getting held by Aqua was starting to get old, so I finally had her place me in the seat next to my favorite vamphorse. “So, now that Celestia’s out of the way, what should be next on our agenda?”

“Apparently planning a war,” Fleur sarcastically replied.

“No, that’ll come next,” I said. “I actually already know the answer to that question, so I don’t know why I asked. Next on our agenda is forming an academy. I was planning on doing it at my old house near the Everfree. I was hoping to speak to Moonie about getting some help building it up, but I was bullied into leaving early. There are some preparations to make before we break ground, so I still have time to ask.”

“Skipping over that obvious bait, I’d like to ask what this academy will be teaching,” Fleur said.

“You’re fully welcome to,” I said with a nod.

Fleur paused for a few seconds before lifting a hoof to her temple and sighing and muttering something under her breath. “What will the academy be teaching?” she finally asked, dropping her hoof.

“I haven’t decided the full curriculum yet. Definitely rune-working, definitely monster hunting, and definitely several kinds of sciences. I’ll be slipping them the occasional human design with suggestions for how to possibly power it indefinitely with magic.”

“Why monster hunting?” Blossom asked.

“Because I want to try to clear the Everfree of monsters. Once the first class is done, I plan to form an order of monster hunters. There are some monstrously dangerous things out there that need to be exterminated. We need a force dedicated to doing so.”

“There is a force in the Equestrian army that exterminates monsters,” Blossom said. “But they only act defensively. They don’t actively hunt.”

“I can think of several griffins who might be interested in taking such a course,” Gilda said.

“I was hoping we could work out some kind of exchange student program,” I said. “So students can take similar classes in different academies to get some experience with other cultures. A lot of the animosity I see coming between each race usually stems from ignorance.”

“Agreed,” Fleur said with a nod. “I feel like we could use the pageant to advertise these academies.”

“I was planning on it,” Gilda said. “And nobody could possibly turn down an invitation from the great and beautiful Lady Navarone herself, all perfectly dolled up!”

“Definitely true,” Fleur said, looking me over. “That dress is just delightful, Navi!”

“Good. I had a feeling you’d all like it. Apparently Rarity and Doppel are both looking forward to frillying me up.”

“I’m also quite looking forward to it!” Aqua said with a giggle.

“Must you constantly provoke her?” Brook asked. “You know it can only end poorly!”

“I am trying to teach Nav by example. She always constantly provokes others and it rarely ends well, yet she never seems to learn her lesson. With luck, my provocations will teach her.”

“You should order her to stop provoking you,” Gilda said.

“Then I couldn’t punish her as much. If anybody has any suggestions for something worse than bimbo mode, I’m all ears.”

“BDSM mode?” Fleur said.

“You heard the mare,” I said, looking over at Aqua. She turned bright yellow as her body was covered in watery ropes. Soon enough, she was properly bound and gagged, looking all kinds of slutty. Brook actually flinched. Aqua looked my way with silent, watery eyes. “Alright, that’s a little too much. Back to bimbo mode.” She actually sighed in relief as she shifted back to her marginally less whorish look. “We’ll brainstorm options together, later.”

“Do you have any ideas for professors for your academy yet?” Blossom asked.

“A few. I don’t really know too many scholars or academics, but I do know a monster hunter or two. I’m hoping the offer of a lot of gold will bring in smart people.”

“That, and the ability to be a part of the greatest revolution of knowledge this world has ever seen,” Gilda said.

“My people call that period the Enlightenment,” I said. “When we began elevating ourselves out of superstition and started learning more about the world around us. It was also during this time that we learned that the planet revolves around the sun, not the other way around.”

“That will be a huge blow to Celestia’s power,” Blossom said. “We will need to be ready to deal with the aftershocks.”

“With luck, by that point, she’ll be expendable anyway,” I said. “Killing her would be super easy with Aqua and Flo in her head.”

“I believe I know where to begin looking for scholars,” Fleur said. “Though I imagine you mostly want inventors.”

“That would be preferable,” I said. “Most of what I want to teach is practical stuff. Metalworking, welding, shipbuilding, useful sciences... Basically, shit that we can use to kickstart an enlightenment using runic golems, airships, and magically powered inventions. And monster hunting, of course.”

“Like the golem you used at the fort?” Fleur asked.

“I’m going to be making some like that for the Tartarus war, but I’d like to make some for construction as well. I feel like one of those things could lift a fuckton of weight and work tirelessly. Imagine a construction crew that can work for months at a time without stopping. We could build considerably more railroad tracks all across the country, as well as regular roads. If we can give them pickaxes, we could literally level mountains.”

“Well, I’m sold,” Blossom said. “Why do you want more airships?”

“Trade. A regular boat can take a month or more to cross the ocean. Our airship takes about a week or two. This will allow captains to make twice as many trips. There are already some airships out there, but if I can get golems to make airships and use the nanomachines to constantly grow trees, I can very quickly make ships for basically free and then hire crews to fly them.”

“That’s ambitious!” Fleur said.

“This is Navarone we’re talking about,” Brook said. “This is just the tip of a very large iceberg.”

“Are you going to tell them about the necromancy idea?” Gilda asked.

“I wasn’t planning on it, no,” I replied.

“...What necromancy idea?” Blossom slowly asked.

Gosh darnit. “Before I realized how effective the golems were, I had an idea to use skeletons to harvest crops. As long as they’re kept under control, which is actually surprisingly easy, they’re completely harmless. That would allow one or two unicorns to farm a fairly huge amount of fields with a minimal amount of oversight and effort. They could then place the harvested crops on a teleport circle to send them to a central hub where they could be processed and distributed. Now, I feel like a few golems made of the right materials could do it instead.”

“The skeleton idea does have merit, though,” Blossom said. “An army of skeletal squirrels could gnaw the stems of every apple in a tree in seconds. Skeletal diamond dogs could use scythes to harvest grain. Some things might be harder to harvest than others, though.”

“Yeah, it was hardly a perfect solution. I’m sure we’ll figure something out eventually.”

“So what are your plans while in Canterlot?” Blossom asked.

“I need to go to Ponyville either some time tonight or tomorrow morning to talk to the peeps living in my pad. I need to let them know that they might want to start looking for somewhere else to go. Around noon or so tomorrow, I plan to be put into a coma and then have my wings and tail chopped off. After I get out of the coma, I’ll take stock and see how things are going. I’ll decide what to do from there.”

“Okay, you’ve mentioned this coma more than once,” Fleur said. “I would like to know what exactly it is and why exactly you’re doing it.”

“I’d also like to know why you’re dismembering yourself,” Blossom said.

“I’ll answer the dismembering one first. Discord came to visit while we were in the process of brainwashing Celestia. He told me that he was changing my body over time to look more like him, and if the transformation finished before I got my soul, I would become his wife for eternity. So cutting off the offending parts will be a stopgap. I’ll be doing it in Athena’s realm, so Discord should have no way to influence what happens to my body.”

“That is… utterly horrifying,” Fleur said.

“If you marry me first, he can’t marry you!” Gilda said.

“I don’t think that would stop him. Now, the coma is induced by a spell that helps you figure out who you truly are. My mind has been frayed. I don’t see any need to list what I’ve been through, but it’s enough that I need some kind of hard reset. This coma should do it. I’m not sure how I’ll feel or act after I get out of it, but whatever I guess.”

“Is it dangerous?” Fleur asked.

“Technically. If I go in alone, I could be trapped in the coma forever. If someone else goes in with me, they can pull me out.”

“Then I will go with you,” Blossom said.

“Nope, someone already called dibs. I’m going to go it alone for up to three weeks. If I don’t come out by then, someone will come and get me.”

“That will put you very close to the pageant,” Fleur said. “It’s scheduled to begin in slightly over a month.”

“Good, that means I’ll have less time to dread it.”

Blossom finally looked outside, where it was starting to get dark. “I’m going to need to head out pretty soon to get ready for work.”

I reached over and booped her on the nose. “You just want to abandon us.”

“...Boop me again.” I did so with a grin. She gasped in surprise. “I felt that!”

“Wait, what?” I reached over and palmed her cheek.

Her head actually leaned into it and she sighed. “It’s… warm!”

“I guess the blood gems let you feel another’s touch,” Fleur said.

“That means it’s time for a belly rub,” I said.

Blossom pulled away from my hand and glared at me. “Don’t even think about it!”

“Oh come on! Spoil yourself a little.”

“You really should,” Fleur said with a nod. “You won’t regret it!”

“Nav’s hands are so wonderful and she’s oh-so tender with my tummy,” Gilda sighed.

“...I’ll make you a deal,” Blossom slowly said. “If I don’t like it, you never ask again. If I do like it… Well, I guess I’ll let you do it again.”

“Deal!” I immediately replied.

Fleur snatched her up with magic and started trotting off to the living room. Gilda and I followed, leaving the two elementals with Silver. “This is really unnecessary,” Blossom said as she was carted through the air.

“I know, but this way you can’t get cold hooves,” Fleur said.

When we got to the living room, I sat on the couch. Fleur set the nervous looking vampony in my lap. “Is your body ready?” I asked, placing my rubbing hand in prime position.

“Don’t say it like that. What is wrong with you?”

“A whole host of things.”

“...Well, I am ready, so—Oh!” The instant my hand connected, her eyes opened wide. When I started rubbing, they went lidded. “Oh my…”

“Called it,” I said.

“Who could possibly resist?” Gilda asked with a smirk.

A camera flashed from in front of us, held up by Fleur’s magic. She giggled and made the camera disappear. “That’s one for the scrapbooks!”

“I really don’t think a vampire will show up in a photo,” I said.

“Just in case,” Fleur replied with a shrug.

“Where have these hands been all my unlife?” Blossom whispered, finally letting her eyes ease shut.

“Right here, waiting for consent,” I said, moving my other hand to scritch at her ears. She gasped, but let me do my thing.

“That is one content little pony,” Gilda said. “She really is cute!”

“I wish we could make her compete in the pageant,” I said. “I’d love to see her dressed up all cute again.”

“I’d be happy to be cute for you, Navi!” Blossom said. “Especially if it means more belly rubs!”

“That’s the spirit! I don’t want to keep you all night, though. I know you said you needed to leave soon.” Just like that, I pulled my hand back.

Blossom’s eyes immediately slammed wide open and she practically flew off my lap. “What did you do to me?!”

“...Rubbed your belly?”

“You… you did something! Some kind of… magic! There’s no way it could… it could ever feel like that!”

Fleur giggled and hugged Blossom. “You’ve just experienced your first belly rub, dear! It’s okay to be confused.” Gilda was already falling into my lap for her turn, so Fleur waved a hoof at us. “Just watch!” As soon as my hand hit Gilda’s belly, she started purring softly. “It’s just the way of the world.

“B-but… but I said… I said I’d be happy to be cute for her!”

“Well of course,” Fleur said. “Being cute means you’re more likely to get more belly rubs! Just look at our princess. See how adorable she looks right now?”

“...I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to understand,” I said. “You definitely enjoyed it, so I’ll be rubbing it again some day. Don’t worry, you’ll probably be craving it soon.”

“This is unbelievable!”

“How is this any more unbelievable than anything else about me?” I asked.

“It’s not,” Fleur said. “Blossom is just cranky that she looked all cuddly and satisfied in front of us.”

“We all know you’re a cutie pie,” I said. “You don’t have to show off how tough you are!”

Blossom sighed and shook her head. “Whatever. I guess I’ll be partaking in more of them later. For now, I need to head out. My shift begins soon.”

“If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to join you,” Fleur said. “I want to get home before dark.”

“I wouldn’t mind at all. We definitely need to come up with ways to make Nav suffer now!”

“Why?” I asked. “I just showed you the joys of belly rubs! You should be thankful!”

“That devilry is unnatural!”

“Well, so am I,” I said. “Remember, Discord created me. You need to learn to take the good with the bad, silly.”

“And belly rubs are the ultimate good,” Fleur said. “Look at that satisfied smile on her face!”

“Well, I can’t leave without my first real hug,” Blossom said.

“That’s true,” I said, dumping the princess off my lap. She looked pretty upset about it, but that was acceptable. Blossom jumped up to hug me as soon as I stood, pressing her cold corpse against my warm body.

“It feels so… warm.”

“Good. That’s how hugs are supposed to feel. I wonder how sex would feel.”

“That is an interesting question.” She finally pulled back with a grin. “As always, seeing you was an experience.”

“Good. Let me know when you start craving the rubs.”

“I suppose I shall see you in a few weeks, Nav,” Fleur said, taking Blossom’s place against me. “It’s hard to believe you’ve been coming and going so much!”

“Yeah, it’s been inconvenient. I’ve been having fun, though, and I suppose that’s all that really matters in the end.”

“At least you’ll need to be here a while for the pageant,” Blossom said. “Maybe I can eat another blood gem and we can figure out what I can and can’t feel.”

“Sounds fun to me,” I said.

Fleur finally reluctantly pulled away. “It’s a shame… I haven’t even gotten a turn with you since you returned…”

“It just means you’ll have more time to think of something to try,” I said.

“Oh, I already have quite the list. I’m looking forward to more afternoon luncheons.”

“So am I.”

“Well, I shan’t hold up the captain. Shall we, Blossom?”

“Let’s.” Gilda and I followed them out to the main hall, where they finally left.

“So now what?” Gilda asked.

“Twilight’s on the second floor, drawing a teleport circle to the bunker. Let’s go check her progress.”

“After that, would you like to show me to my room? I can think of all kinds of ways to pass the time…”

“I can show you to your room, but after that, I need to check on Luna. I’m not sure I’ll have time for much lewdness tonight. I’m already starting to feel tired. I’ll need to actually sleep soon.”

“I’m sure we can make time. Let’s head up to see Twiggles.”

We hit the stairs and began working our way up. My little Twatlight was deep in concentration, drawing something on the floor in one of the corners. “How’s it going?” I asked.

She flinched and looked up. “Fairly well. It should be done in about twenty more minutes. I’ll need to do some work on the bunker side, but that shouldn’t take me too long. I predict having everything done in about an hour.”

“Excellent. Unfortunately, I’ll probably be asleep in about an hour. Can you relay some orders to Watcher?”

“Of course, but it would be more appropriate to ask Luna to do it.”

“Then I’ll ask Luna to do it. I need to show Gilda to her room. I plan on entering the coma sometime tomorrow around noon. Will you be available?”

“Yes. Have you decided where you want to do it?”

“Athena’s realm. It might make Celestia mad, but I’ll feel more secure against Discordant meddling.”

“Is the book still on the changeling ship?” Twilight asked.

“It is.”

“I’ll get it after I finish this circle,” she said. “And I’ll hold onto it until it’s time.”

“Cool beans. The princess will be staying here, if you ever want to rub her belly.”

“I just might. The noises she makes are so cute!”

“I feel as though I should take offense to that,” Gilda said.

“You shouldn’t,” I replied. “It’s a compliment that means fucking you is always amusing.”

“Then shall we go make some cute noises?” my pet princess asked.

“I might finger you a little, but it won’t be for long. I’ll see you tomorrow, Twiggles.”

“You’ll need to make time to finger me tomorrow, too,” she said. “I’m starting to feel a little left out!”

“I think I can make that happen. Gilda, let’s go.” And so we went. I didn’t really know which room I should give her, so I gave her the other room on the fourth floor. It looked like it had recently been made up, so I assumed that was the one Doppel wanted for her. “This is where you’ll be staying,” I said. “I’m in the big room right over there. Taya’s on the other side.”

“Why not just forgo my room entirely and stay in yours?” she asked.

“Because that would be suspicious. We probably won’t be spending every night together.”

“Tch.” I walked in all the way and closed the door behind me. She turned around with a grin. “So, is it time for my cute noises?”

“It is,” I said. “I’m going to put you across my knee and spank you.”

“Um. Wha—Untalon me this instant!” I dragged her to the bed and sat down, then forced her over my knees. She was struggling, but stopped and just squawked when I spanked her.

“How’s it feel, princess?” I asked as I fairly lightly lovetapped her pretty bottom. “How humiliating is it to be spanked like a little hatching?”

“N-nav, what are you d-doing?!”

“How’s it feel to be weak and powerless, with no guards around to save you?” I asked. “You’re all mine, little princess. How do you like it?”

I finally spanked her just a little bit harder and she actually moaned, then immediately blushed bright red. “I… I… What are you d-doing?!”

“Confirming something,” I said, finally moving the spanking hand somewhere a little more fun. “We’re definitely going to do some stuff out and about in Ponyville or something. Maybe a little remote-controlled vibrator so I can really humiliate you.”

“I… I couldn’t!”

“Yes you can,” I said. “And I have a feeling you’ll very much like it. As often as you talk about wearing a leash, I think something like this is what you really want anyway.”

She didn’t reply, but did start making more of her signature cute noises as my hands did their thing.

When I was done toying with her, I made my way down the stairs. Silver was still in her corner. Sunny and the changeling captain were sitting at another table, drinking tea.

“What would you like for dinner, my lady?” she asked.

“I wasn’t really planning on eating.”

“You need to set a good example for your filly, my lady,” she said. “If you don’t keep eating, she’ll probably stop, too.”

“She might already be in bed, for all I know. If she’s awake, we’ll both eat. If she’s already out, I’ll also head to bed.”

“Would you like me to go check on her?”

“If you want, sure. I need to head out to the forge.”

“It’s absolutely frigid out there, my lady! Are you sure you don’t need a coat?”

“My momma ain’t raise no bitch.”

“I’ll walk with her,” Sketch said, hopping up. “I’ll keep her warm.”

“Then come on,” I said, beginning to walk to the door. My personal warmth changeling followed and used magic to open the door for me. “If you can use magic, why didn’t you teleport to land?”

“I didn’t know how to teleport and the others didn’t like it when we used magic.”

“Bummer.” He projected a field of heat when we were outside and we walked on down to the forge in silence. I couldn’t hear any clanging from outside, but when I pushed the door open, I could hear gentle tapping.

“I advise you stop where you are,” Luna said from inside.

“Are you threatening your lady?” I asked.

“No! Of course you may enter!” It was good she was saying that, because I was already pushing the door shut behind me. She was working on a silver necklace with a single blood ruby in the center. “I apologize. I assumed you would be asleep.”

“I had a feeling I might need to stop you from doing something stupid, like crafting some kind of weapon or bomb.”

“You have nothing to fear.”

“So what are you making? A necklace?”

“A collar.”

“...You’re making a collar?”

“Yes.”

I sighed and crossed my arms. “And who is this collar for?”

“My lady, you have asked that I not tell you when I do things that you perceive as creepy. I believe you may find my answer creepy, so it’s best I not reply.”

“Are you making yourself a collar?” Her ears flinched. “Why are you making yourself a collar?”

“...I could see the distrust in everyone’s eyes. I could feel the tension when I stepped into a room. There is no rebuilding the trust that I have shattered. So I shall borrow the trust they feel for you. This physical sign of my subservience will be perfect to show off my loyalty to you. And when I craft the control wand, you can have me do as you will!”

“Yeah, no, you’re not doing that. This is what I meant by having to stop you from doing something stupid.”

Her eyes bored into mine for a solid fifteen seconds. She finally tilted her head. “I do not follow.”

“What happens when someone steals that wand and you have to follow whatever order they give?”

“You would allow my leash to be stolen?”

“Nobody allows anything to be stolen. That’s why it’s called stealing and not lending. Don’t be dumb, you’re better than this.”

“...Perhaps a tattoo of your heraldic symbol across my cutie mark? That is how vassals of old declared their allegiance.”

“You’re not getting a tattoo of my hand on your ass. That would send several kinds of messages that I’m not particularly interested in sending.”

“Then what would you suggest?” she asked.

“I don’t know, maybe don’t be weird for like five minutes? In what world do you think it’s appropriate that you wear a collar? What would the others think when they see it?”

“That you keep me under control.”

“That I make you wear a collar.”

“Not when I tell them that I volunteered as proof of my loyalty!”

“Yeah, which would then make me the person who allowed you to wear a collar to prove your loyalty.”

“Correct! Shall I continue, then?”

“How do you envision that as a good thing?”

“I didn’t envision it as anything,” she said with a shrug.

“Alright, let’s take a few steps back, here,” I said. She lifted a hoof and I immediately booped her, leaving my finger on her nose. “That’s a figure of speech. You are to stay within booping distance.” Her hoof lowered and I pulled the finger back. “When you do something, what do you think about before doing it?”

“How that action will best serve you and what I must do to present you with the best outcome.”

“Alright, this time, don’t give me a bullshit canned response. Walk me through the Luna problem solving process.”

“...Will you give me an example problem?”

“Sure. Let’s say you think nobody trusts you and you want to do something about it. Describe the thought process that led you to think a collar would work.”

“As you wish. I can see quite clearly that I am distrusted by everybody. I recognize that look very well. The first thing I do is consider what I want to change. I could choose to stay distrusted and feared, but that is not a desirable outcome. It is common knowledge that dogs are some of the most loyal animals in existence. It is also common for them to wear collars. You discussed it before and made it seem as though it was an option. I decided that if I could wear a collar like a dog for you, I could show off my loyalty.”

“And what did you consider as possible downsides of this?”

Her eyes bored into mine yet again. After a few more seconds, her head tilted. “Downsides?”

“When you make a plan, do you consider both possible sides? Both what might go right and what might go wrong?”

“Only when planning a battle. Why?”

“Are you telling me that you never consider the consequences of your actions unless it involves killing people?”

“No, of course not.” I sighed in relief. “Only in battles, not necessarily when killing.”

“Oh come on! Are you telling me you just go around murdering people?”

“Of course not. But why would I need to consider consequences? That’s what you’re for.”

That made it my turn to stare at her for a little while. I finally cleared my throat. “Can you repeat that?”

“Of course not. But why would I—”

“What do you mean, that’s what I’m here for?”

“You are my lady, of course.”

“Luna, if you give me another useless nonanswer, I’m going to punish you. Explain to me what you mean.”

“My previous owner told me that I never needed to worry about a thing, that she would take care of all the little details for me. All I had to do was let her know before I did anything important and it was all okay!”

So many things are suddenly making sense now. “And you never thought that was weird?”

“No. Why?”

“You’re ostensibly an adult, Luna. You seriously need to consider the consequences of any possible actions you take, especially when you have the ability to turn somebody inside out. Not thinking things through is exactly what led to everything that happened between us. Are you telling me you haven’t learned a single thing?”

“Of course I learned something,” she said. “I learned that my sister has gotten much worse at taking care of the little things. And I know my actions have consequences. That’s why I tied myself to you. Now that you own me, you will keep me from doing anything harmful!”

“I should never need to keep you from doing anything harmful.”

“Of course you should. It’s very obvious that I’m broken, my lady. That’s why you’re helping fix me!”

“I mean, I guess. Fix number one: Think about the consequences of your actions. And think about the consequences of all your actions, not just the ones you haven’t made yet. Celestia and I do not need to be your moral compass. Part of being a complete person is knowing what actions are and aren’t appropriate.”

“But if I think about the consequences, why would I need you?”

“Obviously the goal is to wean you away from needing anybody at all. You need to be able to exist as your own entity, making your own choices. I have no issue with you being my vassal, but I don’t want to have to constantly look over your shoulder to make sure you aren’t doing something retarded. How am I supposed to ever be able to trust you to carry out my will when you don’t think about the consequences of the actions you take in my name?”

That made her look away. “My sister was loath to trust me, too…”

“It’s pretty difficult to trust someone with no moral compass to act properly without direct supervision. Celestia kept you powerless and weak because she didn’t like sharing power, and the lack of stimulation or training made it impossible for you to develop properly. Hearing you finally say this has explained so much to me. And better, it gives me an idea for how to better help you. So here is your assignment: Take the night to think about the possible downsides to you wearing a collar for me.”

“...Must I? It is almost finished!”

“I’m sure you can find something to do with a pretty silver necklace aside from turning it into a degrading collar.”

She looked down at her work and sighed. After a second, her lips pursed. Finally, she grinned. “Very well. I shall make something else.”

“Does this something that you’re making have anything to do with expressing your loyalty to me in a way I’d find creepy?”

“I very much hope not. I plan to create a gift.”

“Good, that’s acceptable. Just please show it to me before you give it to the recipient.”

“As you command.”

“And when I wake up tomorrow, you better have a reason for why wearing a collar would be a bad idea.”

“...As you wish.”

“Now then. Twilight is on the second floor, drawing a teleport thing to the bunker. She should have it finished here pretty soon. When it’s done, I want you to relay some orders to Watcher.”

“Of course.”

“Have him set up a rotation of people working at the bunker. Whenever anyone is off, they can be teleported back through to Canterlot. That way, they can rest here instead of having to stay on the ships.”

“Wise. I will relay your words, my lady.”

“I plan to enter the coma tomorrow around noon. I need to visit Ponyville before doing it, so I’ll likely head that way shortly after dawn.”

“Would you like my protection?”

“In Ponyville? No. Besides, I’m taking Taya. We’ll teleport in, talk to some people, then teleport back out.”

Her wings flinched a few times. “I don’t feel comfortable with you going anywhere without guards…”

“I’m sure you’ll survive,” I said, booping her. “In case I don’t see you for very long before I do the coma thing, I have a request. I would like you to speak to Celestia.”

“As you command.”

“That isn’t a command,” I said. “It was a request. I won’t command you to. I feel like she would enjoy getting to know you again. More to the point, I feel like she can help you, possibly better than I can. But I won’t force you to make up with somebody who isn’t your sister. I won’t force you to be friends with her.”

“With luck, you will not have to. I was intending to speak to her at some point, but I was… concerned. My older sister is… gone forever. I did not think it would affect me, but in some small way… I miss her.”

“You aren’t alone,” I sighed. “I never wanted it to come to this. I’m happy she’s gone… but I miss her all the same. She’s had such a huge impact on my life, and was central to almost everything that’s happened to me while I was here. And for five thousand years, she was one of the few people you could count on.”

“It feels… strange… to mourn one who is not dead.”

“Her personality is gone forever,” I said. “I don’t know what more you’d need to call her dead. There’s a new Celestia in her place, but all that time we had together is… gone.”

“Now that is not true,” she said. “Never let yourself fall into that particular hole, my lady. The time we spent with Celestia is not gone. It will live on as memories. In a year, or five, or ten, when the pain of her passing is finally gone, they will still be there to comfort us. And with luck, we will be able to make better memories with the new Celestia.”

“True. She tried to seduce me.”

“And you told her no.”

“I did,” I said. “It felt… strange.”

“Good. Continue telling her no.” I lifted an eyebrow and she looked away. “...I think that would be most appropriate.”

“And why do you think that?” Her ears twitched. “Come on, you can think about the consequences of my actions, but not your own?”

“...You are my lady.”

“And you are you. Why do you think I shouldn’t sleep with Celestia?”

“I will not stand in your way, of course. If that is your choice, it is your choice.”

“That doesn’t answer the question, Luna. If you don’t tell me why, I’ll just assume it’s because you’re jealous.”

Her ears twitched, but her eyes met mine again. “I do not trust that the elementals created something whole. You can do better than a shadow.”

“If Flo didn’t make a complete Celestia, it’s up to us to fill in the cracks. I had lunch with Celestia earlier and she seemed stable to me. I might try to make time to see her tomorrow as well, to check on her before I go into the coma.”

She sighed and looked away. “I agreed to betray my sister, Nav. I helped deliver her unto you. A part of me feels guilt every time I think about her.”

“You had a choice to make,” I said. “You could have chosen to live in Celestia’s shadow for the rest of your life, watching thousands be slaughtered for asking simple questions, or you could do something and try to change the world. You chose to do something, to try to change the world. Doing so required that you betray your sister. You agreed to help kill her. We could never have expected at the time that we’d have this option given to us. Of the options we had in front of us, brainwashing Celestia was likely the most humane, the least disruptive, and the least violent. I feel guilty about what we did, too. But I know I would have felt even more guilt had we actually killed her.”

“That is true. There was no way this story ever had a happy ending. There were only sad and bittersweet options available. You tried to reason with her, but she betrayed you. I tried to be her sister, but she turned me into a beast. And apparently she drugged her personal student.”

“Gotta love those sleeping pills,” I said. “There was good in her. That’s the part of her I’ll miss. Thankfully, the new Celestia is only good, so hopefully I won’t miss the old version for long.”

“I will likely never stop missing her. I will do my best to not let that interfere with my relationship with the new Celestia.”

“What kind of relationship do you intend to have with her? You disowned the last Celestia and you abdicated.”

“At the moment, I have no intentions. I will speak with her. We will… establish things. With luck, we can come to terms. I’ve no desire to be a princess. I never did. My place is solely under you, my lady. You could not do without your battle mount.”

“And what do you plan to do about your reputation while you’re in Canterlot?”

“I do not plan to tarry long. Once you enter the coma and after I’ve had a chance to speak with Celestia, I will return to the bunker to help there. If we get things settled quickly enough, I intend to return to Tartarus to await further orders.”

Before we could continue, someone knocked on the forge door. “Open it,” I said.

Her horn lit up and the door pulled open, revealing Sketch and a royal guard carrying a scroll. The guard’s eyes widened when he saw Luna. “You really are here!”

“I am.”

It seemed like he was waiting for more, but she didn’t say anything. After a few seconds, I rolled my eyes. “So can we help you?”

“Right! I have a note from the pri… Well, Princess Celestia. It’s for Princess Luna.”

“I am princess no longer,” Luna replied as she floated the letter over. “I have abdicated my throne and sworn myself to the service of my lady.”

“Which is me, of course,” I said, tousling her mane. She completely ignored it as she glanced over the note. “Anything fun?”

“She wants to talk. Now, apparently.”

“Do you want to talk now?” I asked.

“No. But the longer I wait, the more concerned I will grow. With your permission?”

“Go for it.” She took a deep breath and slowly eased it out. When she was done, her horn lit up and she disappeared.

“What’s she doing in Canterlot?” the guard asked.

“Well, she lives here.”

“Um…”

“Were you not listening? She’s my vassal now. Why wouldn’t she be with her lady?”

“Uhhh… What about the whole host of utterly horrifying crimes she publicly admitted to committing against you?”

“I have two choices. I can either stay angry and bitter and seek revenge or I can let her earn her forgiveness. Given my current plans, letting her earn her forgiveness is a better option.”

“...And Princess Celestia is okay with this?”

“I dunno, probably. I didn’t think I needed Celestia’s approval to make somebody a vassal.”

“It’s her sister!”

“Who is ostensibly an adult and can make her own choices,” I said, crossing my arms. “Luna practically begged for this. I didn’t want to do it at all, but I decided to give her a chance. And so far, I only regret it just a little.”

“...Just a little?”

“Dude, she’s super weird. Anyway, I think you have places to be that aren’t here.”

“I… do, but it’s a lot warmer in here. And spending time with a beautiful lady is always a plus!” I lifted an eyebrow. “But now that I think about it, Captain Midnight did say she needed me back quickly!”

“Tell Blossom I said hi,” I said as he speed-walked out. When he was outside, he spread his wings and took off. I followed the dude out and closed the door behind me. Sketch immediately covered me in a warmth bubble.

“I have a question, my lady,” he quietly said as we walked.

“Okay.”

“...You know I was one of the two changelings in Atlantis. Do you have any idea which I was?”

“I suspect you aren’t the one who was lusting after my lady parts, but I might be wrong. I never actually learned either of your names until you came to work for me.”

“Ah. Forgive me, I was just curious.”

“You are forgiven.”

We walked in silence for another few seconds before his ears twitched a few times. “I… have another question.”

“Okay.”

“Do you even care which I was?”

That made me roll my eyes, something he thankfully couldn’t see. “Which one were you?” I honestly didn’t care, but it was obviously bothering him.

“Well… We were both lusting after your lady parts, but I was the one who wasn’t creepy about it.”

“Do you feel better now?”

“Spending some time back in the hives made me lust for changelings again, so yes. I… may have a third question.”

“What might that third question be?”

“Is Doppel single?”

“As far as I know. She feeds off lust and there’s a pretty huge house full of people willing to fill her up as much as she wants, though.”

“I’ve been there before. I couldn’t hold it against her. Though I imagine her arrangement is far more consensual.”

“I don’t know if she’s ever considered settling down with someone. That would be a conversation you’d have to have with her. Do you have any other questions rattling around in there?”

“N-no!”

“Well, let me know if you think of any more. The only excuse for ignorance is laziness, and you were sitting in one place for far too long to be lazy anymore.”

“You… You’re willing to answer more?”

“Until I get bored or annoyed, yeah.” But we were walking back into the house, now. My little filly was sitting at a table by herself. Silver Quill had dipped off. Piano music was coming from the main room. “Preferably not tonight, though. I’m going to eat and then go to bed.”

“Then I believe I’ll go find Doppel…” He wandered off to do just that while I walked over and sat next to my cute little cherry blossom.

“So I take it Sunny bullied you into eating?”

“No. She told me I needed to set a good example for you!”

“That’s the same thing she told me. I think she wanted to manipulate us.”

“Well… We do need to eat, right?”

“I guess. We’re already both here anyway and she’s presumably already cooking.”

“Will we have to get revenge later?”

“You can use your cuteness on her when she brings the food in. Also, I have a gift for you. It’s upstairs.”

“Is it a belly rub?”

“Nope.”

“An ear scritch?!”

“Nope.

“You’re not gonna give me a belly rub or ear scritches while we cuddle tonight?” she asked, her lower lip quivering.

“Obviously I’m going to do both, but that’s not the gift. I have twenty-nine cherry blossom seeds. Before we go to bed tonight, you need to start your first backup. When it’s done, plant it wherever you planted my first one.”

“I can do that. Are you making another one, too?”

“Yes. I plan to plant it here.”

“...Are you sure?” she asked. “If you ever get assassinated, this would be the first place they’d look!”

“And if I get killed in the field, I’d rather show up home than god knows where.”

“I’m not god.”

Thankfully. “So did you talk to Fluttershy about what kind of pet you want?”

“No.”

“Have you decided what kind of pet you want?”

“I have a few ideas.”

“Well, we’re going out near Ponyville tomorrow. If you want, we can try to talk to her about it then.”

“Okay. She probably needs some company anyway.”

“Probs. Maybe some of her animals ended up coming back.” I hope so. The last time I saw her at her pad almost broke my heart.

Before we could continue gossiping about the most yellow element of harmony, Sunny trotted up to the table, floating two plates along. Taya got a fairly simple salad. I got veggie stir-fry.

“What would I ever do without you, Sunny?” I asked.

“Starve,” she replied with a grin. “Do you need anything else, my ladies?”

“Taya wants a nuzzle,” I said. In reply, Taya’s magic grabbed me and forced me down so my filly could nuzzle my nose.

“I think she has it covered,” Sunny said. “If you do need anything else, I’ll be in the kitchen.”

When she was back out of the room, I looked down at Taya. “Did you tell her what to make me?”

“Yes.”

“Just checking.” I finally began digging into the dank veggies. I prefer the feeling of meat inside of me, but substitutes are occasionally fine.

When we were both finished, Taya teleported us upstairs, into my bed. “So where are the seeds?” she asked.

“In that bag on my desk,” I said. She used magic to close and lock the door, then floated over the bag of seeds. “You might need the tape, too.”

“No, my fur will keep it in. How many seeds can I take?”

“Take fifteen, but only make five for now. I want to space them out.”

“‘Kay.” While she was getting her seeds, I slid out of bed and stripped down, then fell back onto the comfy thing. Taya used magic to drag me right back to the center, next to her. Once she had the seed properly secured in her tummy, she giggled and pulled me close. “Just think, mommy! When the seed matures, nothing will ever be able to keep us apart again!”

“...What was keeping us apart before?”

“Nothing! And now nothing ever will!”

“Yep. You wanna get the light?”

“Right.” She flicked it off with magic and sighed in my warm arms. “I just can’t wait…”

“You kinda don’t have to, since we’re already there.”

“Right! So how about that belly rub, hm? Ooh, or the ear scritches!”

“Or both,” I said, flipping her over and starting. She began moaning as mommy worked her magic. Aqua, I need an opinion.

“No you don’t,” she said. “You already know the answer.”

I know what my opinion is. That’s why I want someone else’s. You’re kinda my only option at the moment. So, would it be morally bankrupt for you to erase Taya’s sexual desire for me?

“Obviously not, because her desire is morally bankrupt to begin with. Helping her remove it would be doing you both a favor.”

To be quite honest, I don’t know if I could trust Taya to come into the coma and save me as she is right now. She might very well turn me into something I don’t want to be.

“You have a choice, Nav. You can trust that your filly will do what’s best for you at the expense of her own feelings or you can let me erase those disgusting feelings of hers and be sure that she’ll do what’s best.”

And that can be done, right? I know Celestia was completely reworked and I think you were planning on doing the same to me, but can you erase something without her realizing and without actually erasing her?

“Yes, of course. She’ll know that she no longer has a crush on you, but to her, it’ll be just like falling out of lust. It’ll be just like when I changed your mind in order to make you agree to let her become a tree sister in the first place. You had no idea it happened until I told you.”

Then I guess I do have a choice to make…