Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hS9L7OEvjM-lE7cqfcapGfuMoCudNsi8Qr8-YRv-0Nc/edit

After finally getting rough with the princess, I went into the world of dreams. I had a few peeps to hunt down and I figured getting started sooner would be better than later. Unsurprisingly, no one was actually asleep when I went to bed, so I had some time to toy with the princess in her dreams as well.

When that got old, I stepped into the dream world again and cast my gaze around. Luna wasn’t asleep yet, but Fleur was. I zoomed over that way and took a peek into her golden dream. Fleur was heavily pregnant and at a baby shower being thrown for her. “Huh. I didn’t know she actually wanted kids.”

“What young lady wouldn’t?” Aqua asked. “Oh Navi, you’d make such a wonderful mommy!”

“I seem to remember telling you not to mention me ever being a mommy again.” That shut her right up and I hopped into the dream, placing myself in a pretty dress for Fleur’s benefit. None of the dream specters paid me any attention as I walked up to the mare and booped her on the nose.

She blinked and her eyes followed my finger up my arm and finally up to my face. “Nav?”

“Yep.” I finally pulled the finger back. “I’m hosting a summit in the Crystal Empire in four days. Bring Blossom. We need to decide what to do with Celestia.”

“Kill her, certainly!”

“That’s no longer our only option. To make a very long story short, I now have complete control over a water elemental who has complete control over Celestia. Basically, she’s our bitch now. We can wipe out all her evil tendencies and basically do a complete personality wipe to turn her into our tool.”

“Oh. Well that changes things. How did this turn of events come about?”

“Like I said, it’s a long story. I’ll be going into more detail at the summit.”

“Hm. How did your journey go?”

“Extremely well. If Equestria didn’t already have the world’s strongest military, that’ll change when I return with everything I found. We’re going to rebuild the armed forces from the ground up and turn it into a force we can use to invade Tartarus.”

“Um…”

“Is that a problem?” I slowly asked.

“It wasn’t what I had in mind when I agreed to follow you. I wasn’t expecting you to immediately declare war on Tartarus of all places.”

“To kill Discord, we have to deal with places like Tartarus. Places where strife and conflict are constant. Killing all the demons within and purifying the lake of pure magic under the continent will take us a long way toward killing him. Once Equestria is established as the dominant military power on the planet, I’ll be in a much better negotiating position for bringing any possible rogue countries in line.”

“A… lofty goal.”

“But I believe it’ll be reachable. Speaking of things that are reachable, do you actually want to be a mother?”

“Of course! What young lady wouldn’t? But I’m afraid you are wrong, Nav. It… isn’t so reachable.”

“There’s a fruit in the Everfree that should be able to get you preggers.”

“W-what?”

“A lot of the really fucked up mutant creatures in the Everfree came from a fruit that causes uncontrollable attraction to the first member of the opposite sex you see, and it guarantees pregnancy no matter what the species are. If you ate that, you could probably get preggers.”

“That’s… that’s amazing!”

“I guess if you’re into that sorta thing. You know, Soarin’ is a pretty nice catch. I bet you could reel him in pretty easily…”

“I likely could… But I do have my eyes set on another for now.”

“Fair enough. If you ever do want it, let me know.”

“I most definitely will.”

“For now, I’m going to leave you to your dreams.”

“Wake me up so I can inform the captain, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“With pleasure.” I pulled out a gun and shot her right in the face. That booted me out of her dream and almost threw me into another. When I realized the dream it almost tossed me into was a nightmare, I slid on in to clear it up. With that done, I looked around for Luna’s dream.

She still wasn’t out, so I let myself get some real sleep. I checked every hour and a half, but she never showed up.

The trip to the Crystal Empire was pretty fun, all things told. I got to toy with Gilda all I wanted, bully Aqua as much as I could, and occasionally boop my very jealous filly on the nose. It was great. Luna either didn’t fall asleep for the entire trip or slept during the day. A part of me wondered if she was avoiding me, but then I realized that I really didn’t care that much.

It actually only took us three days to get there, which kinda surprised me. We flew through the huge bubble around the city a few hours after noon. It was almost pitch black outside, though the city was lit up with hundreds of magical lamps and glowing crystals.

The palace actually had an airship dock installed now, so that’s where we headed. Two guards were waiting for us at the entrance and hopped over to our ship as my crew started tying us off. “Welcome back to the Crystal Empire, Lady Navarone,” one of them said as they both bowed. “We would be honored to show your party to their rooms.”

I was actually planning on staying here, but whatevs. “Let us get our stuff, then.”

“We will send servants to collect it all later,” the guy said.

“Alright I guess,” I said. “Lead the way.” They started walking and my small group followed.

“I’ve actually never seen this city before,” Gilda said. “The legends do it no justice. Surely it is the jewel of these arctic wastes.”

“Not so long ago, it was as cold and bitter as the wastes themselves,” one of the guards said. “If not for our lady here, it would still be that way.”

“Twilight helped.” You know, sorta. “Has anyone else arrived yet?”

“You are the first new visitor in the palace. Princess Cadance told us to expect you any day, but did not say why or who else was coming.”

“I was hoping to be first,” I said. “It’ll give me a chance to explain things to Cadance.”

“You actually have another guest in your room at the moment. She said she would be waiting when you arrived.”

“Twilight, I assume?”

“Eva, actually.”

“Even better. Taya, you want to say hi to your sisters?”

“Of course!”

Make sure she behaves, Flo.

“She plans no ill intent. I will ensure it stays that way.”

“...What do you mean, sisters?” Gilda asked. “He only mentioned one name. I didn’t even know you had more than one filly!”

“She’s a changeling, actually. She has a split personality, so there’s actually four changelings in her head.”

“It takes getting used to,” one of the guards said. “I’m happy our lady adopted her. Now that Eva is a noble, she doesn’t have to take as much abuse.”

“...A changeling with a broken mind.”

“A changeling with a different mind,” I said, scritching her neck. The two guards weren’t looking, but she still looked extremely uncomfortable until finally giving in. “What Eva can do is special. It allows four minds to work on one problem. Think of what you could do if you had three different people in your head with three different specialties. One combat-focused, one science-focused, one focused on relationships, and one for funsies. You could get all kinds of shit done.”

“That’s true,” half of the guards said. “That little changeling works for the princess herself and handles all kinds of things in the city. Most of them are little things, but they’re slowly picking up more skills.”

“I’d rather have one mind all to myself,” Gilda said. “But I should not be surprised to find one so close to you is so strange.”

“We’re all mommy’s little rejects,” my filly said, bumping up against me. “She loved us when no one else would!”

“Truly an act of charity,” Gilda sarcastically replied.

“I pulled Taya off the streets of Catro and gave her a new life,” I said. “And I found Eva in the Everfree Forest, one of the most dangerous places in Equestria, living as an exile from the hives. I’d say they’re both in much better places now.”

“Not to mention the rest of mommy’s vassals,” Taya said. “They all have their own sad backstory you haven’t unlocked yet!”

“...Unlocked?” Gilda asked.

“I dunno what it means, but mommy says that about them all the time.”

“For a person to be comfortable enough to tell you something, they have to like you well enough. I’ve started pretending my life is an RPG, because it basically is. One of the things a lot of RPGs have is a relationship meter, where you gain points for doing good things and lose points for doing shitty things. When your relationship gets to a certain level, you get to learn more things about them.”

“...So what is an RPG?”

“You’re chasing down a rabbit hole,” I said, tousling the feathers on her head. It made her look all cute and indignant. “Quit while you’re ahead.”

“Do not molest my feathers so,” she said, using a talon to knock them all back into place. “I am a princess, not a child!”

“Mommy does that to everyone,” Taya sighed. “I even saw her do it to Luna once. Her hair pulled mommy in and tickled her.”

“And I never did it again,” I said. “Though I think I did it to Cadance a few times…”

“I’m surprised anyone would dare touch Luna,” one of the guards said. “Not with her reputation.”

“This was before things… deteriorated.”

“What things?” he asked. “I meant her reputation when our nation was sealed away. She was a monster who led an awful, brutal war against our nation because we dared stand outside their authority. Those of us who stayed in the north when the other ponies left knew the history of the sisters and had suspicions of what they planned. Our fears were proven true when they took over the three warring nations. We were able to escape their notice for a while, but with Sombra as our leader, they finally came for us.”

“And the fact that Cadance came from Celestia didn’t worry you guys?”

“It did, but being a vassal state to Equestria sounded considerably better than being Sombra’s puppets again. He was once a great pony, but something corrupted his mind.”

“That would be either the cursed crystals he found, dark magic, or the insane water elemental in his head.”

“I had nothing to do with his demise,” Aqua said aloud, making me flinch. I hadn’t even realized she was following us. “It was using the dark crystals for magic that did his mind in. I did as much as I could to mitigate the damage, but I underestimated Discord’s magic.”

“And our fears about the princess were not realized,” the guard finally continued. “She did not bow to Celestia. The Crystal Empire continues on, free as ever.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty swanky.” You know, when she’s not being weird and rapey.

That finally made everyone shut up and we continued in silence to the rooms, which weren’t all that much further away. Gilda apparently didn’t care about meeting my changeling, so she fucked off to her own room.

As soon as Eva’s pink eyes took us in, her wings started going and she darted forward. I opened my arms just in time for her to plow into Taya, hugging the confused filly for all she was worth. I guess I’ll just go fuck myself, then.

“We’re finally sisters!” Eva happily squealed, snuggling up close to the very uncomfortable looking filly. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

“Yep! It means we can conspire for ways to make mommy happy!”

“I know! I bet a group hug would make her happy!”

“Agreed.” Taya lifted me up with magic and tossed me onto the bed. They both joined me a moment later, cuddling up with me.

“Well, you were right,” I said. “This does make me happy.”

They high-hooved over me. “Best team-up ever,” Eva said.

“That said, I won’t be able to cuddle all day. I need to speak with Cadance, Shiny, and possibly Twiggles.”

“Why don’t you have a cute name for Cadance?” Taya asked.

“I tried once. It didn’t work out so well and I decided Cadance was fine.”

“Well, she’s currently in her throne room,” Eva said.

“I’ll go find it. Why don’t you show Taya your room?”

“Of course! Ooh, we can play dress-up!”

“I’m sure you’ll have fun,” I said before Taya could complain. “After I’m finished with Cadance, we should defs be able to spend more time together.”

“Good! Also, the others want me to ask why you’re here.”

“For a summit. A lot of important people are going to be here. We need to discuss some things.”

“Oh. Poly says that’s a big ol’ non-answer, whatever that means.”

“I was leading a coup against Celestia. All the people coming were allies. Now Celestia is under my direct control, so we need to decide what to do with her.”

“Cool! So does that make you the new princess?”

“Not quite. I’ll let you know what we decide when everyone meets up.”

“Now they want to know why you were leading a coup against Celestia.”

“Because she was planning to mistreat me. Well, even more than she already had. I decided I wasn’t all too interested in letting her get away with it. Ask the others if they’re just stalling so you can hug me longer.”

“Nope! But that is why I keep relaying their questions. Mistreat you how?”

“Wipe my mind, turn me into a pony, and give me to the changelings as a food source. If I had to guess, she would have followed it up with a full purge of everyone in my household, you five included.”

“...Oh. That doesn’t sound too good…”

“It wasn’t too good. That’s why I was leading a coup. I certainly couldn’t let her hurt my girls.”

“Best mommy ever,” Taya smugly said.

“Yeah, I’m the bomb diggity,” I said. “And as much fun as being the best mom ever is, I do need the occasional break. Like I said, I need to talk to Cadance.”

“I guess we can let you get up,” Taya said.

“Since you just have to be so needy!” Eva added.

They both sighed in disappointment and hopped down, leaving my body feeling oddly cold. After a second, they started giggling and finally fucked off, leaving me wondering what horrors would await with all of them conspiring together.

I thought about getting changed into more formal clothes, but decided I honestly didn’t care enough. Instead, I walked over to Gilda’s room. Her door was open and she was peering around.

“What do you think?” I asked.

“Once again, this city impresses me. Solid crystal furniture. Even the bed appears to be, but is perfectly soft.”

“You want to go semi-formally greet the rulers?”

“I do. I trust you know the way?”

“I’m like eighty-five percent sure I can figure it out.”

“Then lead the way.”

Flo?

She started directing me, so I began walking. Gilda quickly followed. “It has been some time since I last saw Cadance,” she said. “I believe it was when I was living with you.”

“She’s a good friend to have, especially with your nations so close together. Just be careful, because she might try to force you into a relationship with someone.”

“She is welcome to try. I will take a page from your book and slap her upside the face.”

“Nice. Moonbeam will also be here eventually. I trust there will be no problems.”

“I shall not cause any. If she instigates, I might retaliate.”

“I’m sure if you were interested, she’d be down for a horizontal tango.”

“W-what?!”

“Just sayin’,” I replied with a shrug. “She’s very open. She’d probably let me join in, too.”

“I could never! If it was ever discovered… I could withstand news getting out about us since you are a national hero, but Chrysalis? I would become a pariah.”

“Fair enough. Although forming an official alliance with the changelings through marriage would be valuable…”

“You are considerably more valuable than that bug could ever be.” I couldn’t deny an obvious fact, so I didn’t bother responding. After a minute or so of silence, she finally asked, “So what do you think this so-called council will decide to do with Celestia?”

“Hopefully forcefully redeem her so I don’t have to take her place. I’d really rather not get thrust into the spotlight. With her as our little puppet ruler, we can get things done pretty quickly.”

“It almost seems unfair to decide her fate without her involvement. If nothing else, to rub it in her face.”

“I’d rather have everybody on the same page before we confront Celestia. I have to say, though, the big reveal to her is gonna be amazing. I’m really looking forward to the look on her face when she realizes I’m in control of Aqua now.”

“Rubbing your victories in is generally considered rude,” Aqua helpfully reminded me. Apparently she was back to following us. “I recommend showing grace.”

“Noted,” I said. “I hope she yells at me again. I love it when she breaks composure like that.”

“Disregarding my well-meaning advice out of hand is also rude,” she whispered.

“That’s acceptable.” She turned dark blue.

The guest rooms weren’t too far from the throne room, thankfully. The guards at the entrance bowed when we entered, making no move to stop us. I was surprised, since it sounded like we were entering a shouting match.

When we got to the top of the annoying staircase, we found that the same female noble I met at the party so long ago was yelling at a very confused looking Shining Armor. He looked my way with a grin and said, “Why don’t you just ask her yourself?”

The noble turned a furious look my way, but it immediately flipped to a grin when she realized I was there. “There you are. Our royalty has no right to hide the savior of our people away from us.”

“I got here like half an hour ago,” I said. “I was checking out my room and greeting my daughter. What, did you want to whisk me away the instant I got off the ship?”

“Of course not. I just assumed they would do their best to keep you solely in the palace again.”

“I was out and about the last time I was here,” I said. “I visited a few places with my daughter.”

“But not any of us, I noticed…”

“I also don’t know any of you. I met you at a party a single time. I haven’t met any other nobles yet.”

“Which is why I wanted to give you an invitation.” She held up a hoof and a scroll magically appeared. “You have picked an auspicious time to return to us, my lovely lady. An event is being held tonight. We would be honored to have you attend.”

“As delighted as I would be, I’m afraid I’ll have to decline,” I said. “I have some important business with a few heads of state.”

“...Oh? What manner of business brings an Equestrian noble to the table in our kingdom?”

“It isn’t just Equestria,” my griffin fucktoy said. “I am Princess Gilda of Gryphus. We will be joined by—”

“A few others,” I butted in, crossing my arms. “We’ll be discussing affairs of state.”

“You intrigue me more and more.” The scroll disappeared and her hoof returned to the floor. “Obviously there is more to the world at large that we do not yet understand, that such a being as you is so prominent. I think I would quite like to… study you. In detail…”

“Again, I’m afraid I haven’t the time. Once I get done here, I need to visit Celestia and return to my new fort at the Zone of Alienation.”

“Your new what now?” she asked, honestly sounding dumbfounded.

“I’m sorry, but I really need to talk to the prince. Also, work on being less blatant. Stop trying to take more power. Be happy with what you have. If you keep it up, Shiny and Cadance will shut you down in a fucking instant.”

That actually made her blush in either anger or embarrassment. She left without another word. As soon as her hooves touched the stairs, the guards shut the doors behind her.

“I thought she wasn’t supposed to know that we know what she’s planning,” Shiny said.

“I expect at least some tact. Where’s your wife? I want to fill her in.”

“I’ve already explained most of it to her, but I’m sure she’ll want to hear it again from the lips of the great hero herself.”

“It sure does sound better in my dull, droning voice,” I sarcastically replied. “So we doin’ this or what?”

“She’s—” Cadance and Twilight teleported in. “—on her way.”

“No I’m not,” Cadance said. “I’m already here.” And with that, she jumped up to hug me. I responded by tickling her. It turned out to be the wrong response, because she apparently wasn’t very balanced and fell straight down on me, dragging me to the floor. “Well, I’d ask if that taught you a lesson, but you’d probably say no just to spite me.”

“I learned you need to go on a diet,” I said.

“And I learned that you need to eat more.” She finally got off me and used magic to place me back on my feet. “So what kind of horrors were you dragging my husband off to face?”

“The fun kinds,” I said. “He was happy he finally got to have some fun.”

“Whoa, that’s not what I said!” he quickly replied. “I was happy I finally got to go on an adventure!”

“Right, he has plenty of fun here,” Cadance sweetly said, sounding more like she was trying to convince herself. “And he tells me you have the means to subjugate Celestia.”

“Let me re-introduce you to Aqua,” I said. The water elemental behind me bowed. “She decided it would be a good idea to forcefully take me and Celestia over and make us get married. I disagreed. Now the tables have turned and Aqua is my bitch. That makes Celestia my double bitch.”

“Twice the bitch?” Cadance said. “That is impressive.”

“Of course it is. I’m the one who did it.”

“Jonathan is the one who did it,” Twilight said.

“I may have had a little help. The point is, now we need to decide what to do with Celestia.”

“Kill her, obviously,” Cadance said with a nod. “After a trial, of course.”

“That just seems so wasteful,” I said. “I’d rather reset her, so to say. We can just turn her into a puppet and start reforming things with her as our figurehead.”

“That seems dishonest and inhumane.”

“It is inhumane for someone to force someone to change,” Aqua said.

“Says the pot to the kettle,” I said. “Remember what you were going to do to me?”

“Well that was before you forced me to change, my lovely little lady! Now I’m your most ardent supporter and only want what’s best for you! Doing inhumane things is wrong, after all. It would be much better to just kill her and get it over with!”

I stared straight at her and smirked. “I think I’m starting to like doing things the slow way.” She turned a much darker blue, almost black.

“That’s probably not a good thing,” Cadance slowly said.

“That’s why I want to put the canon Celestia back in charge,” I said. “At this point, I’m pretty much a complete nutcase. We need someone sane who can keep up a decent public front. With the elementals to fiddle around with her wiring, we should be able to get a much better leader out of her.”

“You would so casually abandon your duty?” Cadance asked.

“Wait, what? What duty?”

“To lead us! You built this union between the races, Nav. It’s your role to lead us forward!”

“What part of Discord literally created me do you people not understand? I was created by the personification of strife. The less things I have my hands in, the better. I never asked for any of this bullshit and I’ve just been going where the tide takes me. I would be quite happy to pass this buck off to our brainwashed Celestia and not have to deal with it anymore.”

“After the war on Tartarus,” Shiny quickly said.

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss that for the world. I’m looking forward to marching in there with an entire army dedicated to taking down demons.”

“Shiny didn’t mention that! What do you mean, war with Tartarus?!”

“Well, why the fuck not?” I asked. “It’s not like they can get out. All we have to do is slowly push in, claiming and securing territory as we go. With the runic weapons and armor I’m going to be crafting, along with the magical runic golems, I think we should be at a level where we can at the very least do some good. There are a few species in there that have done nothing to deserve being forced to live in hell. I could see us at the very least evacuating them.”

“See? See?! This is why you should be leading us!”

I sighed and looked at Shiny. “You want to maybe explain this one to her?”

“Discord created her, honey.”

“So?” Cadance and Gilda asked at the same time.

“What do you mean, so?” I asked. “That means I’m intended for evil!”

“But you aren’t actually committing any evil,” Lovebutt said. “All you’re doing is trying to make the world a better place. You’re even working against him!”

I sighed again and looked to the smarter sibling. “Would you maybe want to explain this one to her?”

“She was created by Discord,” Twiggles said. “That means he could unmake her whenever he wants. We need to be wary about relying too heavily upon Nav until she gets her soul. Then we’ll all swear fealty to her and make her our eternal queen.”

“The first two sentences were spot on,” I said. “The second two could use some work.”

“Well you can’t be a princess,” Cadance said. “You have to outrank us, remember? So it’ll have to be queen.”

“Why are you trying to force the person you all look up to so much to do something she most definitely doesn’t want to do?” I asked.

“We’re just trying to help you reach your true potential,” Twilight said. “There’s nothing wrong with that!”

“There is when I keep telling you to fucking stop. I hope I don’t have to remind you that you’re still in tummy-rub timeout, missy. Keep this up and you’ll stay there longer!”

“Tummy-rub timeout?” Cadance slowly asked.

“She was bullying me.”

“I was calling you out for childish behavior after you gave us the silent treatment for ten minutes.”

“After you complained that I kept talking.”

“No, after I mentioned that you purposefully say sad or awkward things to kill conversations you don’t like having.”

“One of my best friends literally almost killed me once. This feels like that, Twilight. How could you do this to me?”

“See! You’re doing it again!”

I booped her right on the nose and finally looked back to Cadance. “So we need to decide what to do with Celestia. Be thinking about it. Killing her is no longer our only option. The sky’s the limit.”

“I get it,” Cadance replied. “So you’re saying that we should vote for her to marry you.”

“What was it you said about political marriages when I was engaged to the other Gilda?”

“If we can modify her mind, we can make her the perfect wife for you, Nav. You’ll basically be given a custom-built bride you can do with as you wish. Plus, you’ll become the queen-consort and have more power than you’d ever know what to do with. If you ever want to step back and take a less active role, you can let your perfect wife pick up the slack. And since she’s under your complete control, you can bring in whoever else you want on the side.”

“...Did you and Twilight talk about this before I got here?” I slowly asked.

“Of course we did,” Twilight said. “If we vote to let Celestia live, I think it should be with her married to someone on the council. You’re the most eligible bachelorette there.”

“Princess Gilda is the perfect age to get married and she’s still mostly pure! And what about Moonie? She’s already a queen anyway.”

“Do you really want to trust Moonbeam with that much power?” Cadance asked.

“Not really, but it’s better than forcing all that power on someone who is repeatedly telling you they don’t want it. What about Twilight? She’s technically a national hero, too.”

“Twilight doesn’t want to marry Celestia.”

“Neither do I! How’s it fair to force it on me and not anyone else?!”

“It can’t be me,” Gilda said. “My brother would never approve. It can’t be Moonbeam, because we don’t trust her with that power. And since Celestia is basically Twilight’s second mom, it would be creepy for the two of them to get married. That kinda leaves you.”

“What about Fleur? She’s single.”

“And an ex-slut,” Cadance said. “We would have a hard time selling that one to everybody.”

“But I’m a current slut. How’s that any better?”

“A current slut, but also one of the biggest heroes on the planet,” Twilight said. “If Celestia should marry anyone, and I still don’t necessarily think she should, it would be you.”

“So your excuse of ‘I don’t want to do it’ is met with ‘Sure, that’s fine’ while my very same excuse is just fucking ignored. What was that about friendship being magic? Man, fuck you guys.” I finally just walked away, flipping them off as I left. Aqua actually scooted in and swept me up, ferrying me away in a wave. The guards opened the door for us and we just slid on down the stairs. That was surprisingly satisfying.

“I’m sure you’re going to pay for that later.”

“I don’t care. Ferry me to my daughter’s room. I have some bellies to rub.”

Before we could get all the way there, Luna teleported in front of me, bowing. “My lady.” Aqua slid to a stop, putting me in perfect booping range.

“Howdy. Looks like we were a day early.”

“I see. Have the others arrived yet?”

“Not everyone. Those who are were bullying me, so I left.”

“Bullying you how, exactly?”

“Telling me that I should marry Celestia.”

“...Well, should we choose to keep her alive, would that not be the best solution?”

“Except for one tiny detail: I don’t want to.”

“Ah.” And now Luna is my new favorite.

“I looked for you in the dream world, but I never found you asleep.”

“That is not surprising.”

“...Why isn’t that surprising?” I asked.

“I have not slept since last we spoke.”

“Did something happen at the bunker?”

“Nothing of note.”

“So why didn’t you sleep?” I asked, already dreading the answer.

“The sooner we finish this, the sooner you can go back to more important matters. And if I can make sure it’s finished before you deem it time to return, I would help keep you from harm.”

“Take time to take care of yourself, Luna. There’s nothing wrong with dedication and determination, but there is most definitely such a thing as a creepy level of devotion.”

“...It is the duty of any vassal to complete the tasks you assign us as quickly as possible. It is also the duty of any vassal to protect her lady. I apologize if my efforts to serve you are creepy.”

“Are you going to take steps to curtail such creepiness?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I probably don’t want to know, but… “And what steps are those?”

“I am going to stop telling you when I do things that you perceive of as creepy.”

“People have limits, Luna. You need to respect that your body is only mortal and treat it as such. That means you require breaks.”

“I am currently taking a break. I shall likely sleep tonight. I shall also likely take time to eat more than rations to sustain me. Perhaps I shall spoil myself and drink juice or maybe even tea…”

“More breaks than once every three days. Going that long without sleep is bad for you. You can’t keep me safe if you’re unwell.”

“There is… some merit to your words, of course.”

“Of course there’s merit to them. They’re coming from your lady.”

She finally looked around. “It has been some time since I have been to the Crystal Empire. I would like to visit the city while I am here.”

“Now’s a good time, unless you want to greet Cadance.”

“It would likely be prudent. It is possible they would not want me walking around their city. I will feel more comfortable with her permission.”

“Do you know the way to the throne room?”

“I do not.”

“Aqua, take her there.”

She finally slid away from my body, thankfully. “As you command, owner.” They dipped, leaving me to continue to my daughters in peace.

Although I have to say, after surfing around on Aqua (and riding around on an ex-princess), having to walk again made me feel like a dirty peasant.

When I finally got to my daughter’s room, the giggling I heard behind the closed door made me pause. It sounded genuine, so I took a deep breath and knocked. The giggles stopped and magic opened the door. There was a twin set of humans inside, both wearing identical dresses. The only way I could tell them apart was that Eva had pink eyes while Taya had green. They both giggled once and curtsied.

It’s probably sad that the first thing I thought when I saw them was, No wonder everyone thinks the cuddling is creepy now. They had to be either fifteen or sixteen and the transformation spell made Taya even more adorable as a human. The horn on her head was something of a sticking point, but past me definitely would have blushed and stammered around her.

“What do you think?” Eva asked, bouncing up and down in a way that made me have to look away.

There’s no way I could tell them the truth, so I decided to ask, “Why did you become human?”

“Why not?” Taya asked. “We are the human’s daughter! So what do you think?”

“You’re both adorable,” I said. “So when are you turning back?”

“Maybe in a few days,” Taya said. Oh god. She swished back and forth, letting her dress brush against her legs. “This actually feels kinda nice!”

“Where did you get the dresses?” I asked.

“I’ve been preparing for this day for a while,” Eva said. “It was worth it!”

“Well, I was going to stay in all day to rub some bellies, but belly rubs don’t work on humans.”

“Have you tried?” Taya asked. “I’d love to be your test subject!”

“I have tried. No dice.”

“We could walk around town!” Eva said. “Ooh, we could show Taya your statue!”

“You have another statue?” Taya asked.

“I do. It’s pretty neat. Luna also teleported in a few minutes ago. I know she planned to walk around town as well.”

“I’m sure she’ll have fun,” Taya said. “You ready?”

“Wait, is that the Luna?” Eva asked.

“It is. She’s my vassal now.”

“We should invite her to go with us!”

“Why?” Taya asked.

“It’s not like anyone else would want to spend time with her, silly. And this way she can help keep mommy safe.”

“She might be too cool to hang out with us,” I said. “Aqua, you want to invite—”

“She said yes,” my least favorite elemental replied.

A moment later, Luna teleported back in, actually smiling. “I would be honored to escor—Why are there two more humans?”

“One is Taya, who used the transformation spell. The other is Eva, who is a changeling. They decided they wanted to be more like mommy. Temporarily.”

“I see. I am prepared when you are, my lady.”

“Did you get permission from Cadance?”

“I did. She was just beginning a rant about love when your elemental asked if I would be interested in tending to my lady as she strolls through town. It was the perfect timing, so I jumped on the opportunity.”

“The chick who’s talking about trying to force me to marry someone I don’t even like, let alone love, was ranting about love?”

“Indeed. I would say it amuses me how hypocritical several ponies are, but my disgust far outweighs my amusement.”

“And that makes you my current favorite,” I said, reaching over to scritch her ears. She sighed in delight.

“What about us?!” Eva demanded, slapping a foot on the floor. Given that she wasn’t actually wearing shoes and that the floor was made of super hard rock, she probably regretted it immediately. “We became human for you!”

“You’re my daughters,” I said. “That makes you exempt from the race to be my favorite. That only pertains to my vassals, girlfriends, and servants. Also, you became human for yourselves. I liked you both just how you were. Though I also definitely still like you now.”

“Then where’s our ear scritches?” Taya asked with a smirk.

“Those don’t work on humans either.”

“How do you live like this?!”

“It’s truly a struggle,” I sighed, finally removing my hand from Woona’s ears. It made her pout, but that was acceptable. “So who’s ready to finally wander aimlessly?”

Everyone, thankfully. We finally started walking to the exit, Eva leading the way and humming a happy sounding song.

All things told, getting to hold hands with my daughters for the first time was pretty nice.

When I finally returned to my room to hopefully actually sleep, I found an invitation to dinner. I looked at the super fancy clock on the mantle and sighed. No part of me found the thought appealing, but I still had half an hour and I had a feeling I couldn’t get away with skipping it.

Since I wanted to be a semi-polite guest, I put on a decent blouse and skirt. There was no reason to embarrass my host if there were other guests, after all. I purposefully chose not to bring any makeup from the ship, so I thankfully didn’t have to bother. I pretended to consider high heels before picking relatively normal shoes.

When I was all fake dolled up, I still had about fifteen minutes to kill. That was fine, because I had no idea where to go and I figured it would give me time to figure it out. A knock at the door interrupted me while I was thinking about ways to get out of it, so I dutifully opened it.

The servant on the other side bowed. “Princess Cadance asked that I lead you to her dining hall, my lady.”

“Lead away,” I said.

“She also asked that we bring the princess. One moment please.” I walked out into the hall and pulled the door shut while he knocked on the princess’s door. When she opened, he repeated the same spiel.

Gilda sighed and looked over to me. “I suppose if you’re going, I should be polite and do so as well. I generally detest things like this.”

“...Eating dinner?” I slowly asked.

“Fancy dinner parties.”

“This better not be fancy,” I said.

“It won’t be,” the servant said. “The princess feels no need for formalities with the savior of our realm. Apparently they are quite close.”

“Well, lead the way,” I said. He started walking and the two of us followed. “This palace is going to be picking up a few more high profile peeps. I’m honestly surprised to see you all take it in stride. The staff in Celestia’s palace start getting stressed out when a lot of important guests are around.”

“The staff at Celestia’s palace serve a tyrant,” the servant replied. “We do not.”

“Fair point. Cadance is currently too adorable to be a tyrant. Maybe when she grows into an old hag like Celestia.”

“Some mares have an inner beauty that never dims,” the guy said. “Many of us believe our princess possesses such a thing.” Gay. “And there are some who say the same about you, now that you’re also a mare…” Awww… Super gay!

“Well, I’d prefer the statue to stay male. I might be willing to pose for another one in my new body, though.” Nude, preferably.

“I shall inform the royal mason. I’m sure he will be delighted!” I was mostly joking, but alright I guess. “Oh, and perhaps the royal seamstress could make you a traditional dress! It would only be fitting, for our savior.”

“I think that would be delightful,” Gilda said in a sickeningly sweet tone.

“I’m not really one for dresses. I wouldn’t want her to spend so much time on something I’d probably rarely wear. I already have one seamstress making me more things than I could ever possibly put on my body.” And I really wish she’d stop.

“...Well, I might float the idea to her and see what she thinks. Couldn’t hurt, after all!”

God dammit. The worst part is, he’d probably still do it even if I was super blunt.

I didn’t have too long to be salty about it, though. When we got to a set of large double doors, he stopped and bowed again. “The princess is within.” A part of me expected him to open the doors for us, but thankfully he didn’t.

“Cheers, fam,” I said as I let myself in. Gilda followed and kicked the doors shut again.

Cadance was sitting at a fairly sizable round table with ten chairs set up. “Think this’ll be big enough for the meeting tomorrow?” she asked.

“I’d say so, but I’m not sure exactly how many chairs we’ll need,” I replied. “Is Shiny gonna be joining us for dinner?”

“Not tonight. It’ll just be us and Twilight.”

“If you’re planning to spend the night talking about getting me hitched to Celestia, I’m going to leave.”

“We won’t bring it up at all,” she said. “Or at least, I won’t. I can’t speak for your little Twiggles. To be honest, I’m pretty sure the thought of sleeping with Celestia’s wife excites her.”

“That’s weird,” Gilda immediately said for me.

“She’s dating Nav,” Cadance said. “Did you expect her fetishes to develop normally? I swear, just being around her can pervert any relationship in all kinds of strange ways.”

“I’ve never heard anyone complaining. Except myself, that is. I have to complain a lot.”

“I only complain when you stop touching me,” Gilda muttered.

“Her too?!” Cadance gasped. “Nav!”

“Oh please, are you surprised?” I asked. “Give me a break. You know me. It was only a matter of time. What kind of royal could resist my so clearly superior vag? After all, they keep the best for themselves!”

“I wish you made keeping you easy!” Gilda said.

“There’s that fear of commitment,” Cadance sighed, shaking her head. “You can’t keep doing this, Nav. You really should either attempt to settle on someone or give in and accept that you have a herd now.”

“First of all, nobody asked you. I’m not doing a herd. I’m courting. At least, I think that’s the right word. Maybe I’m being courted? I don’t know. Point is, this is basically me going through a selection process. To be honest, being in the middle of a permanent cat-fight for attention seems like a nightmare.” Gilda sniffed. “Second of all, where is Twilight?”

“I don’t know, Nav,” Cadance said. “I’m not her foalsitter anymore. If I had to guess, I’d say she was getting ready. Perhaps if you spent more time with your special somepony and less time throwing tantrums, you might know where she was.”

“So you’re saying I had no reason to be upset?” I asked.

“That isn’t what I said. Talking it out is far better than skulking off.”

“I was trying to talk it out! You were all doing that thing again where you pretend to listen to me, but have already made up your minds so you don’t actually care what I have to say. I’ve learned to recognize when you do it, because at that point, it’s like talking to a brick wall. I can use all the arguments I want and appeal to any scrap of decency or loyalty any one of you might pretend you still have, but nothing will sway you. And if I’m going to keep getting the same answer, I’m going to stop wasting my breath. I’d love to talk it out, but it’s impossible to talk it out to people who have already made up their minds.”

“You mean like how your mind is made up not to marry Celestia?”

“I feel like when we’re talking about forcing someone to get married, the opinion of the person being forced into the marriage should probably be the most important one. I can respect that Twilight and Gilda don’t want to marry Celestia. I have no problem with that at all. But the instant I say I don’t want to marry her, you fuckers gang up on me and utterly ignore everything I say after that.”

“And how else are we supposed to keep an eye on her?” Cadance asked.

“Well, let’s see. You’re her niece, so you can visit whenever you want. Twilight is her student, so she can visit whenever she wants. Luna is her sister, so she can visit whenever she wants. I am a royal hero and Celestia’s ex-boy boy-toy, so I can visit whenever I want. Gilda is a royal of another nation and can make diplomatic visits whenever she wants. Moonie is Celestia’s old teacher and another royal besides, so she can visit whenever she wants. Blossom is the captain of the guard and sees Celestia basically every day anyway, so she can visit whenever she wants. With Aqua in her head, there’s very little chance that she could ever break free. And with everything else we can do to keep an eye on her, there’s legiterally no reason any of us would ever have to marry her unless we for some reason wanted to.”

“And you don’t think having more direct access to her power would be useful?” she asked.

“I have as much access to her power as I want. I can make her say or write anything. She is under my complete control. There’s no reason for any possible orders to come from my mouth when her own will do just fine.”

“Why does nobody ever listen to you?” Gilda asked.

“Beats the fucking hell out of me,” I sighed. “I’ve been speaking nothing but common sense ever since I got here and all it’s gotten me is pain and misery. The only reason I even continue to bother is because I don’t really have much of a choice. I’d love to make this entire world burn for everything everyone has done to me, but that would be playing right into Discord’s fucked up creepy hands.”

“You know, there are times when it feels like you go out of your way to make a conversation unpleasant,” Gilda said.

“That’s what happens when people do or say stupid shit,” I said. “Trust me when I say that none of you want to make me marry Celestia.”

“Why not?” Cadance asked. “You’ve listed all the reasons you don’t want it, but why wouldn’t we want to make you?”

“Do you really want one person to have all of the power on this planet?” I asked. “I already own Celestia, through and through. Equestria is effectively mine now. You realize that I can do with that power whatever I want, right? There’s no one to stop me.”

“I know,” she said. “That’s what we want.”

“Then you’re dumb,” I said with a shrug.

“How’s that dumb?! Nav, your ideas are revolutionary! With what Shiny’s told me, with what Twilight’s been explaining… Nav, we’re talking about the golden age to end all golden ages! Giving you all the resources you need to achieve them is just common sense!”

“She’s right,” Gilda said. “The technologies that we uncovered at the bunker are going to barrel this world forward.”

“Maybe I’m not explaining this well. Discord created me. Discord also put Celestia into power. Do you really want to give direct access to the military to the thing that fuels on chaos and panic? Do you really think anything good can come from that? The instant power is monopolized, he’ll flip a switch and I’ll turn evil. With a mechanized magical army, he could fuel the war to end all wars.”

“That… could be problematic,” Cadance slowly said.

“Power monopolies are never good. You never give one person all the power. One way or another, the rest of the world will suffer for it.”

“So what is your suggestion, then?” Gilda asked.

“I suggest you don’t make me marry Celestia. I also suggest that we pick a water elemental who isn’t forced to obey a human and let her take over Celestia. That way, Discord can’t use me to force her to do things.”

“Are you really sure you want to trust them?” Gilda asked.

“They all agreed to let themselves be fixed,” I said. “You can tell that there was once a time most of them were good. With luck, now that a lot of the corruption was removed, they’ll be less horrifyingly insane.”

“That would effectively remove your power over Celestia, though.” Cadance said.

“I can live with that,” I replied with a shrug. “It’s relieving in a way to know that I’m finally on top and I’m going to love rubbing it in her face until we erase her, but I can definitely live with giving up control.”

“Ooh, I want to be there to watch you tell her!” Cadance said, actually trotting in place. “The look on her face will be great!”

“I’m gonna have a camera ready,” I said. “So are we finally off the idea of making me marry Celestia?”

“I was never on-board to begin with,” Gilda said. “Obviously you should marry me instead.”

“I’m from Texas,” I said. “I really don’t want to live in Canada for the rest of my life.”

“I’d be happy with you no matter where it was…” Uh oh.

“You might have yourself a catch after all,” Cadance said with a strangely predatory smile.

“At the moment, I’d rather my finger go unclaimed,” I said. “I’m just gonna keep kicking that can down the road.”

Before Gilda could continue sounding desperate and awkward, a fairly dolled up Twilight finally walked in. “Sorry I’m late,” she said, immediately jumping up to hug me. She was all kinds of warm and squishy, so I actually hugged her back. When she fell back to the floor, it was with a grin. “So how was the city?”

“Pretty nice,” I said. “Even with Taya and Eva doing their best to torture me.”

“Did she become human for you?” Cadance asked.

“They both did. It was… surreal. So are we doing dinner or what?” Some of us would like to go to bed.

“We are,” Twilight said. Her horn lit up and we all flashed to a much smaller room, what I assumed was Cadance’s dining room. There were only four places, so we all seated ourselves. “I hope you don’t mind, but we decided that for privacy, it would be better for us to just teleport the food in, so…” Cadance’s horn lit up and a small banquet covered the table.

“So you two were planning this?” I asked.

“Of course we were,” Twiley said. “Never let a good ambush go to waste. We thought this would be a good time to talk.”

“We already decided not to make me marry Celestia,” I said.

“We did,” Gilda said with a nod. “She’s marrying me instead!”

“That isn’t quite what we agreed on,” Cadance said. “But I am of the opinion that making them marry is unwise.”

“Cadance! You said we’d convince her together! Oooh, I told you she’d do this!”

“You mean use logic?” I asked. “Why do you even want me to marry Celestia?”

“Because you perverted me! I wanted to make her our pet!”

“That’s creepy,” Gilda said.

“That is creepy,” I confirmed.

“That’s very creepy,” Cadance finished with a nod.

“You don’t get to call shit out for being creepy,” I said, thumping her on the nose. “I’m afraid your scheme has failed, Twiggles. You’ll have to find a new pet.”

“Ugh.” Her eyes turned to Gilda. “Although… a griffon is fine, too.” That made the princess turn bright red. “We could share Nav, you and I. With you two officially married, we could take plenty of time for ahem… research, just the three of us!”

“That… actually does sound somewhat appealing,” Gilda slowly said. I finally started grabbing food, though I really wasn’t all too hungry. “To be honest, I feel like she would wear me out fairly quickly. Having a third party to help rein her in might actually make things easier…”

“I think Nav and I quite like a lot of griffin culture,” Twilight said. “I know we had a lot of fun at the festival!” The two of them continued yammering on while Cadance and I ate.

After a few seconds, Flo sighed. “Maybe you should marry Celestia, Nav…”

And why is that?

“Because it’ll finally be over. You won’t have to decide who to pick. You’ll have a purpose-built wife to love you. You can finally tell everyone else to fuck off. And if it causes the world to burn, so what? At least you won’t have to deal with this anymore.”

Finally, someone speaks sense.

“Oh, when she tells you to marry Celestia, it’s speaking sense?!” Aqua yelled.

Flo giggled. “You know what Jonathan said after fixing us all, Navi?”

Nope.

“That Flumen and I were the most pure! She had slightly fewer total issues, but the two of us were almost factory default water elementals! Utterly pure!”

“It wasn’t my fault that I got corrupted!” Aqua groaned.

That’s fair.

“Doesn’t that sound nice, Navi?” Twilight finally asked, reaching over to boop me on the nose.

“Sorry, I was envisioning everyone burning,” I said. “Doesn’t what sound nice?”

“Your honeymoon, apparently,” Cadance said with a wide smirk.

“I’d prefer the wedding, but a honeymoon does sound pretty nice. I’m sorry, it’s just, every time I hear two people talking about how they want to officially share me, I kinda get introspective.”

“It’ll be a big change for all of us,” Gilda said. “But the more I think about it, the more I like it!”

“I was kinda hoping not to end up with a ring on my finger by the end of this thing,” I sighed.

“We’ll still need my brother’s permission, of course,” she said. “But that should be no problem at all. Why, I imagine we could likely be wed this time next month!”

“I hope you all realize that I haven’t agreed to anything yet,” I said. “Though I guess that’s more of a perfunctory thing to you guys, huh?”

“Why wouldn’t you agree to it?” Twilight asked, honestly sounding dumbfounded.

“I dunno, maybe because I’ve only been looking at Gilda romantically for like a week or two? I really don’t want to jump straight into marrying her without taking a moment to consider the ramifications of marrying her, as well as the possible repercussions of entering some kind of weird three-way extra-marital affair. Getting caught would be a pretty big problem.”

“What kind of ramifications could you mean?” Gilda asked.

“Everything that comes with being a griffin princess. I don’t particularly want to be the princess of a culture I know very little about. That seems like a good way to get blindsided by a bunch of weird bullshit.”

“You’re remarkably intelligent,” Gilda said. “We can get you up to speed with everything quickly.”

“Or you could slow down, maybe,” Cadance said. “Nav is quite clearly not as into it as you two are.”

“Holy shit, someone’s actually listening for once!”

“You don’t have to be rude,” Cadance said. “They can’t help it that they’re slow on the uptake, sometimes.” Right, they.

“Well, there’s no hurry,” Twilight said with a shrug. “I do think it’s the chance of a lifetime, though! Come on, Nav? How could you pass up on your own pet princess?” That made Gilda turn bright pink, somewhat surprisingly.

“At this point I’m pretty sure you’re the one who wants a pet princess.”

“Well of course! But she’d be our pet princess!”

“...I’m not gonna lie, that does sound kinda hot,” Cadance quietly said. After a second, she actually bit her lower lip.

“I am not a pet!” Gilda finally said.

“Of course not,” Twilight said. “After all, we still need to tame you. I think between the two of us, we can break you pretty quickly…”

Twilight and Cadance continued teasing the poor griffin, making her turn more and more red. It was honestly kinda funny. It also gave me plenty of time to stuff my face with the exotic food before us.

The two of them eventually decided that Gilda would look best in a collar, leash, and super short maid outfit. For her part, the griffin looked fairly conflicted, doing her best to fight down her growing arousal.

Apparently our princess actually is into humiliation. “I bet a cute little buzzing vibe would go great with it, too,” I said.

“One for each nipple,” Twilight said with a nod. “What do you think, princess? Are you sure you don’t want to be our pet?”

“I… am open-minded,” she almost whispered. “Being tamed might be… fun…”

“I think I’m about full,” Twilight said. “Navi, you want to help tame a princess?”

“Not tonight. This eternal darkness is getting to me. I’m going to need plenty of sleep for tomorrow. You’re free to have fun without me, though.”

“Oh, I think we will,” Twilight said with a smirk, pushing her chair back. “It gives us all the more time to conspire against you!”

“It does!” Gilda said, also hopping up. “And that sounds like a wonderful use of our time. Shall we, Twiggles?”

“We shall!” Twilight’s horn lit up and the two of them vanished.

“I’m surprised to see you turn down that invitation,” Cadance said. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m not really feeling it at the moment,” I replied with a shrug. “I’ve been doing lewd stuff pretty much every day for the past several weeks. Some time off would be nice.”

“I suppose that’s understandable. I’ve only ever been sore after Shiny and I swapped back after I pounded him into the bed, though.”

“That’s because he was made to be fucked. There’s nothing wrong with turning your husband into a sissy and making him get fucked by other men.”

“I know, but it’s hard to convince him. I was hoping to use our trip to Gryphus to ease him into it, but… Well, you know how that turned out.”

“You should go to Africa and find some zebras. They wouldn’t recognize you and they couldn’t tell anyone you care about.”

“Hm. That’s a thought…”

“Alternately, you could go to China for some dogs. Knots are amazing, trust me. Dragon cocks are also pretty nice. Honestly, ponies are the most mediocre, in my opinion. I bet a few predators would teach him his place quickly.”

“A very widely traveled opinion, apparently. Perhaps I can talk him into traveling somewhere farther away, then.”

“Be sure to fill me in on all the details,” I said. “I like using them to tease Twiley.”

“Of course I will! For now, though, I believe I agree that it’s time for bed. Would you like me to teleport you back to your room?”

“You don’t have to, but you can if you want.”

“Then good night for now, Nav. I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast.” Her horn lit up and I teleported onto Luna, who was lying on my bed.

“...Why are you on my bed?” I asked.

She immediately jumped away, her face bright red. “I… I was waiting for you, my lady! I was going to stand when I heard you coming…”

“Well, what did you need?” I asked.

After a few seconds, she looked away, still blushing. “We are as private as we can be, outside of dreams… I would like to… discuss things.” Her ears drooped and she looked back to me. “Sexual things.”

“What kind of sexual things would you like to discuss?” I asked with a small smile.

“...Having it, preferably.”

“I’m willing.” It’s not like all the others haven’t gotten second chances. “However, my body is feeling kinda used and abused. I’d like some time off. Meet me in the dream world and—” Her horn lit up and I fell onto the bed, fast asleep.

A few seconds later, she forced herself into my dream. “Are you prepared?”

“You must be desperate.”

“It has been… some time since I have felt another’s touch. Knowing Gilda and Twilight have the freedom to cavort with you freely while I do not is… difficult. I knew that there would be consequences for my actions. I accept that. I just wish I wasn’t so alienated from everybody…”

“Well, that’s what we’re trying to fix,” I said, booping her on the nose. “Now then, do you have any preferences?”

“I would like your original body. I also want it rough.”

“Can do,” I said with a smile, thankfully reverting to my ideal body.

“What of you, Nav? Do you have any preferences?”

“You’re fine as you are,” I said, making my clothes disappear. “Now your lord commands you to suck, slut.” She immediately got to work.

Dream sex is quite fun, even if it was with Luna of all ponies.

Waking up to a soiled dress kinda sucked, but it wasn’t too out of the ordinary. The changeling queen wrapped around me was unusual, though. When she noticed I was awake, she kissed the back of my neck. “Good morning, my succulent little morsel,” she whispered.

“Howdy. Did Cadance not give you a room?”

“She probably would have, if she knew I was here.” She kissed the back of my neck again before starting to slide my dress down. “Do you remember all the things I said I’d do to you…?”

“I do. I’ve been looking forward to it. I wouldn’t mind putting a pin in it, though. My body needs a break. But if you have to ravage me, I do understand.”

“Hm… I’ll do half of them later.” My dress was finally off, so she pushed me onto my back and pinned me down. “If you’re sure that’s okay, that is. If you tell me to wait, I will.”

“I think I can handle half.”

“Good.” Her horn lit up and a ball gag appeared. “Then let’s get started.”

Being a massive slut is fun sometimes.

That said, when your current dom answers the door while still playing with you, it does get kinda awkward. “Hello, Princess Gilda,” Moonie said when she opened the door, doing absolutely nothing to conceal what her magic was still doing to me. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“I was looking for Nav, but it appears she’s a little tied up at the moment. Cadance has invited us to breakfast.”

“Nav will be a few minutes late. I shall join her, but I will not partake.”

“I guess I’ll let the others know,” she said with a shrug. “Have your fun while it lasts.”

“I most definitely will.” Moonie walked back over and continued licking me, leaving the door wide open. Gilda watched for a few moments before just shaking her head and walking away. When Moonie couldn’t hear her anymore, she finally pulled away and removed all the vibrators. “I think that’s a good start.” She reached up and pulled the gag down. “What do you think, Navi? Want to go to breakfast just like this? Maybe with a leash, too?”

“I’d prefer clothes, actually.”

She hopped off the bed and used magic to slide me to one side. When it was mostly clear, a green and black dress appeared, followed by some interesting lingerie. “I had these made for you,” she said. “I’d be quite interested in seeing you wear them.”

“You mind cleaning me up, then?” I asked. “I’m feeling pretty sticky.”

“Of course.” Her horn flashed again and my flesh prison was once more clean. “It should all fit you fairly well.”

“Here’s hoping.” I started pulling up the sexy panties first. They gripped my small curves fairly tightly. The long stockings were next and made me feel all warm and comfy. The bra was tiny and easy to slip on. Finally, I pulled the dress over me and swished it around a few times. It was slightly tight, but not in a bad way. She spawned in a pair of shoes, so I stepped into them. “What do you think?”

“I think I want to toss you back on that bed. Mmm, you are quite attractive indeed, my little pet.”

“Good. You ready to watch people eat?”

“I am. Let us head that way.” When we got into the hall and started walking, she asked, “So, will you tell me more of what you encountered on your journey?”

“I was planning on telling the full story when everyone got together. That should be some time today.”

“I am most definitely looking forward to it. What you told me already sounds truly fantastical.”

“Yeah, it was pretty neat. Long story short, the stuff I got pretty much puts me right in the upper ranks of the most powerful people on the planet.”

“Control over Celestia alone puts you in the top five, I would imagine.”

“Probs. It’s likely Discord, Arachne, Pyrite, Tintaglia, and then me.”

“...I do not know Arachne or Tintaglia.”

“Count yourself lucky. Remember the big creepy spider lady who became a human I told you about?”

“Ah, yes. I do remember now. So who is Tintaglia?”

“Pyrite’s mother.”

“...His mother is still alive?”

“Oh yes. Alive and batshit crazy. When Pyrite was torturing me for information, some of Tintaglia’s loyalists sprung me and brought me before her. She adopted me as thanks for curing her son’s insanity.”

“...I am surprised this is the first I’m hearing of that story. How has he kept her a secret?”

“She’s stuck underground. He kept her in a cave until she became too big to leave. Now she’s surrounded by the largest hoard of treasure I’ve ever seen and has all the female dragons under her control.”

“Hm. Perhaps it is time for me to pay Pyrite a visit.”

“Be careful. He isn’t gentle.”

“I would be more difficult to torture, but your concern is touching. Do you actually know where you’re going?”

“I don’t, but Flo does. She’s been pointing the way.”

“Hm. How does it feel to subjugate one of those things?”

“Honestly, pretty fucking good. Having Aqua enslaved was kinda the highlight of the trip for me.”

“I’m sure being under her control rankled.”

“Like you wouldn’t even believe,” I sighed. “Some of the things she made me do were utterly horrifying.”

“That… does not sound good,” she slowly replied.

“My daughter is now half-tree, just like me.”

“That could be problematic.”

“And Luna is now my vassal, which I actually don’t have too much of a problem with. It’s also horrifying, but I’ll get over it.”

“I would be wary of having her serve me, were I you. Her devotion may be unmatched, but I had a feeling there were times Celestia wished otherwise.”

“I’ve already had a talk with her. She said she’d cut back the creepiness, but I’m not holding my breath. With luck, helping her deal with Celestia will calm her down.”

“I find it unlikely. I do not envy you. Many of your followers seem… uncomfortably close. I would not be surprised if Luna seeks to place herself among them. Remember what happened the last time you let that happen.”

“I believe that people can change. I’m willing to give her another chance. I’ve been dealing with the rest of the creepy fuckers around me well enough. One more added to the mix won’t be too big of a deal, even if she is an incredibly traumatized little girl trapped in the body of an incredibly powerful war mage.”

She snorted. “I imagine it has been some time since anyone called Luna a little girl.”

“Look at her actions and mannerisms. And look at what was going on as she was growing up. You can’t tell me she wasn’t stunted. Neither of them deserved what they went through. Celestia required us to cheat to help her get better. Hopefully Luna will change without direct intervention.”

“Is that what you want for Celestia?” she asked. “To change her mind?”

“It is. I don’t particularly want to take her place. This way, we keep Equestria’s stability. The others were wanting me to marry her, but I think that’s pretty dumb.”

“I could see the merit in it. Why do you think it’s dumb?”

“Because Discord created me and he put Celestia in power. The last thing we need is the two of us directly in control of one of the world’s most powerful militaries. I might be willing to float the idea if I ever get a soul, but for the moment, we’re better off just keeping an eye on her.”

“Hm. That is understandable.”

“I suggested that you marry her instead. Nobody else seemed to like that idea.”

“Good. I do not like that idea either. While I would certainly enjoy turning her into my personal broodmare, I’m not sure I am ready to unite our kingdoms just yet.”

“Well, this was when we were going on a marriage kick. I was pretty much just suggesting everybody because they were trying to force it on me.”

“As ponies are wont to do. If you want to silence them, marry me instead. I will allow you to continue playing with some of your toys, so long as you remember that your heart is mine.”

“Until this journey is either over or much further along, I plan to hold off on marriage. From the sounds of things, I’m likely to keep physically changing. Once I’m as grotesque as I can possibly be, I’ll feel more comfortable looking for a wife.”

“Wise, perhaps. Do remember that out of all of your potential mates, I am the most magically powerful, the oldest, one of the most politically powerful, and I have never once harmed you or overstepped any bounds. I’m also the sexiest.”

“I do remember, Moonie. That’s why I let you punish me so much.”

“And because you enjoy it, you little slut.”

“Yes, that too. To be honest, I think you looked better in a wedding dress than Cadance did.”

“Of course I did,” she smugly replied. “I’m considerably more beautiful.”

“And your tongue is much better.” She leaned over and shoved it into my ear. “Though I’m not a fan of that. Ugh, it’s all wet and slimy!”

She finally pulled back with a giggle. “I think I’m going to enjoy picking out a wedding dress for you, Navi. Perhaps Fleur would help...”

“She’d probably want to share me.”

“That might be acceptable. We’d likely spend some time away from each other. I would be fine with allowing my wife to have an official mistress. Of your current gaggle of admirers, Fleur seems the most intelligent and experienced.”

So, Gilda and Twilight on one side and Moonbeam and Fleur on the other. I honestly don’t know which is more horrifying. Or which sounds sexier. The kinky bookworm and innocent princess or the experienced queen with a masterful mistress…

“Or maybe all four,” Aqua said. “I think you’re slut enough to take it! And I think you like the abuse enough to handle it.”

“Or maybe Celestia,” Flo said. “And forgo the hard decision. With another elemental in control of her, you can be as evil as you want and it won’t matter.”

“And if you really wanted kids, Fleur would probably be happy to carry them,” I said.

“Perfect. It would be a wonderful match. Do you know when she is due to arrive?”

“Nope. I doubt she’ll keep us waiting.”

“She hasn’t,” Aqua said. “She and Blossom are already at breakfast.”

“Apparently she’s already here,” I said with a shrug. “Maybe we can actually get this show on the road after breakfast.”

“Hopefully. I am eager to get this over with.”

Luckily enough, we finally walked into a much larger dining hall. Shiny and Cadance were sitting on one of the ends. Twiggles was sitting next to Shiny. Gilda was next to her. Blossom was being antisocial and sitting at the far end of the table. Fleur was sitting next to Cadance.

“Howdy,” I dully said.

Fleur shot right out of her chair to hug me. “It’s so good to see you again, Navi,” she very warmly said. Once she was properly situated in my arms, she actually nibbled on my neck, quietly giggling.

“You’re awfully warm and fuzzy today,” I said.

“I do my best to be warm and fuzzy every day.” She pulled back to peck me on the lips, then finally dropped down to the floor. “So, I believe it’s time to hear some of your new stories!”

“And I believe it’s time for breakfast,” I said.

“You’re right, of course.” She used magic to pull out the chair next to her. “Sit, dear. I’m sure you’ve had a rough trip!”

“I have,” I said, plopping down. She took her seat back and leaned up against me. Moonie nabbed the one on my other side.

“Welcome back to the Crystal Empire, Moonbeam,” Cadance said. “I hadn’t realized you’d arrived.”

“I got here early this morning and decided to cuddle with Nav until everyone was up and about.”

“Understandable,” Cadance replied. “Nav is supposedly quite cuddly. I’m not sure how, given how bony she is, but I’ve heard it from enough sources that I’ll believe it.”

“Bitches love bellyrubs,” I said with a shrug.

“They really are amazing,” Twilight said.

“Nav’s hands are the best,” Fleur added, cuddling up tighter. I decided to reach around and scratch her neck, making her sigh in delight.

“You’re all crazy,” Blossom said. “How can you like being treated like animals?”

“...Because it feels good?” Gilda slowly said. Blossom groaned and face-hooved.

“I understand how you feel, Midnight,” Shiny said. “I think it’s weird, too.”

“I think you’re just jealous you’ve never gotten a belly rub,” I said. “Maybe your wife would like to try. You can watch.”

“I would very much like to try,” Cadance said, her tail actually wagging.

“What?!”

“Oh relax, Shiny,” Cadance said. “It’s just a belly rub!”

“They’re quite nice,” Moonie said. “And oh-so sensual…”

“I’ve found quite a few mares dreaming about them,” I said. “You never know, Shiny. Maybe you’ll find yourself under my hands, too.”

“N-never!”

“Keep resisting,” I said with a smirk. “It’ll only make conquering your belly all the sweeter.”

“You can’t tell me that’s not creepy!”

“It was pretty creepy,” Blossom quickly said.

“Sounded normal to me,” Cadance said.

“Nothing weird at all,” Twilight added.

“Perfectly normal,” Gilda opined with a nod.

“You two are the creepy ones,” Fleur sighed, shaking her head.

“I expected better from a prince,” Moonie coldly said.

“So I think that was sufficiently silly,” I said. “You guys down for breakfast now?”

“I think that would be best,” Shiny said. His horn lit up and a small gong rang. Servants started flooding in. Everyone except for Moonie got a covered platter.

“I can’t actually eat normal food,” Blossom said.

“I know,” Cadance replied. “This is a gift from Shining Armor and… another.” The servants finally removed the covers, revealing a blood diamond in front of Blossom.

She lifted an eyebrow, staring at the gem. “...What is this?”

“That is a blood gem,” Shiny said. “I found several books hidden here by Sombra. One of them was a book about vamponies that explained several things. Vampires don’t actually obtain nutrients from blood, they just obtain magical life force. This magic sustains them. A blood gem is a huge source of life force. Luna confirmed that it should grant you a power boost, immunity from the sun, and several other benefits. All temporary, of course, but you shouldn’t need to feed for at least seven more days.”

“...This came from Luna?” Blossom slowly asked.

“It came from the bunker,” I said. “We looted several there.”

“A tremendous gift,” she slowly said. “Thank you, Prince. And thank you, Nav. So how am I supposed to eat this?”

“Try just pressing it against your fangs,” I said, shrugging.

She picked it up and did just that. Both her eyes slammed wide open and you could actually see the life draining from the gem. After about five seconds, she wrenched the thing away. “By the night! I feel amazing!”

“How’s it taste?” Fleur asked.

“Like water. I haven’t actually tasted water in so long…”

“We can test out your powers after the meeting,” I said. “I’d like to get that done sooner rather than later.”

“Then we should actually get started on the most important meal of the day,” Twilight said, finally grabbing a fork with magic.

“What… is this?” Gilda slowly asked, looking down at her plate. It looked like some kind of purple yogurt.

“Blueberry parfait,” Cadance said. “It’s basically blueberry yogurt with a bunch of other goodies inside.”

“...I have never heard of yogurt. I suppose this will be an adventure.” She finally grabbed a spoon and tried a small bite. Then she tried a large bite. Then the spoon became more of a shovel.

It almost made me jealous, but I was quite content with my steak and eggs. A part of me was surprised that Cadance actually had meat, but I was certainly going to take advantage of it.

“I’m happy that you enjoy pony foods,” Cadance said with a small smirk. “I had a feeling you might like it…”

“I believe this might be a recipe I will take back with me,” she replied. “Technology isn’t the only thing my griffins need.”

“You’re welcome to it,” Cadance said. “While you’re here, you might also want to visit the library. It contains many texts that Celestia had burned long ago.”

“I’m surprised they’re still here,” Moonie said. “I assumed her hit squads would make that a priority.”

“We turned away more than one suspicious person,” Shiny said. “We’ve had most of our security there while our scholars pick through everything.”

“I highly doubt what I could find in your library would compare with what Nav has shared. Even the books she writes are interesting!”

“I think you’re also enjoying the books that Twilight is writing,” I said.

“I am, but for very different reasons. The books you write give fascinating insights into human culture! Since you’re so very tightbeaked about your people, reading the things you translate is the only way I have to learn more.”

“I didn’t know you were writing books, Twilight,” Shiny said with a grin. “What are they about?”

“Kinky sex,” she replied with a shrug. That made her brother’s mouth drop, of course.

“You’re Shady Grey!” Cadance shouted, eyes going wide.

“And Nav is my Snow White,” Twiggles sweetly replied. “It’s been a very interesting journey.”

“...Well, I guess that explains a bunch of things,” Cadance slowly said. “I never would have imagined, and yet I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“That’s going straight into the mental vault,” Shiny sighed. I considered teasing him more, but the steak was calling my name, begging for some sweet lovin’.

“I’d say you can take it, given that you tried stealing my humanessfriend from me!” Twilight shot back.

“Wha—I didn’t…” His eyes widened and his head jerked over to me. “You told her?!” I just stared at him blankly, chewing on some bomb-ass meat.

“She did,” Twilight said, grabbing his attention again. “I was curious about how she spent her day. She deflected, I pressed the issue, so she told me more than I ever wanted to know.” His face finally lit up bright red.

“While I love the drama, is this the time and place?” Moonie asked.

“It’s not, but I’m loving it too,” I said. “Keep going.”

“Why would you even go after my special somepony? You already have the perfect one!”

“I think Moonbeam is right,” Shiny said. “This uh… isn’t the time or place…”

“If it makes you feel any better, I punished him for it,” I said. “Though I’m pretty sure he enjoyed it, so that might cancel out.”

“...Punished him how?” Twilight slowly asked.

“That’s not important!” Shiny quickly said.

“Wet dreams,” I replied. “Though again, he wasn’t supposed to actually enjoy it. I guess I’m not really surprised, though.”

“Do go on,” Moonie said. “Suddenly this sounds much more interesting!”

“Don’t you dare, Nav!” Shiny said.

“I wouldn’t want to upset my host,” I said.

“You can wait until he isn’t around anymore,” Moonie said. The poor guy just groaned.

When breakfast was finally over, we all agreed to take a short break before meeting up in the big room. Since I’m a fucked up abomination, I didn’t need to use the bathroom. Brook and Aqua joined me on the way to the round table.

“So what do you expect from this?” Brook asked.

“To be honest, I’m not sure,” I said. “I think I convinced everyone that me marrying Celestia would be a bad idea. That said, I’m not sure if the vote will go to kill her or reform her.”

“There is a caveat in there,” Brook said. “You marrying Celestia is a bad idea as things are right now. But with another elemental in Celestia’s head, one who wasn’t required to obey you, things would be fine. If Discord ever turned you evil, Celestia would still be able to counter you.”

“Except, again, I don’t want to. It’s also unnecessary. We have plenty of ways to keep an eye on her.”

“And yet, it does offer advantages. I know the idea doesn’t appeal, but you have to admit that it has upsides.”

“If the vote starts swaying that way, I will make my case again. If that option ends up being picked, I will be extremely pissed and disappointed, but I will marry her. I’ll make sure everyone regrets it, but I’ll do it.”

“I sorely wish I could convince you of its logic…”

“And I sorely wish I could convince you to fuck up out my face with that weak-ass shit, but here we are.”

“I also think it’s a good idea,” Aqua helpfully said.

“Which should be all the proof you need that it’s a terrible idea,” I said, making my least favorite elemental turn dark blue.

“I understand that what Aqua did to you was terrible, but do you have to treat her so poorly?” Brook asked.

“No, I just do it because it’s fun. What’s that old phrase? Do unto others as they’ve done unto you?”

“I believe it’s do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” Aqua whispered.

“Well, it’s something like that. The point is, being a bully can be cathartic. Being a bully to a horrible bitch who was trying to kill you and leave your corpse still standing is like crack. I’m sure it’ll get old eventually and I’ll stop, but until then, I’ll have my fun.”

“That is… discomforting to hear,” Brook quietly replied.

“Yeah, I’m not surprised. It sounded pretty evil to me, too. I’m legit fucked in the head at this point. It’s all just gonna be one huge downward spiral from here.”

“Until the coma,” Aqua said.

“Hopefully. If that doesn’t do the trick, I might just have Aqua kill my personality entirely and start from scratch. A hard reboot might be necessary at this point.”

“Isn’t that exactly what you were upset she was trying to do?” Brook asked.

“Yeah. The thing is, she was trying to turn me into some kind of prissy little lady who actually wanted to get pregnant. She was also going to make it seem like I had always wanted to be a girl and was just in denial. If I end up erasing myself, I’m going to replace it with something that isn’t either mind-numbingly retarded or batshit crazy.”

“...I can see why you would treat her poorly.” Her head tilted. “And now Flo has sent me the memories of your interactions with Aqua. I really understand why you treat her poorly.”

“Yeah, that shit was mad spooksville, yo. I’ve been hopeless before, but I’ve never been that helpless. With luck, I never will be again.”

“Well, all waters have now been cleaned of corruption,” Brook said. “And we all feel better than we have in a very long time. This incident will not repeat itself. With Flo and Aqua to guard your mind, no one else should have any access to it. I know you are loath to keep others around to protect you, but it might be wise to change that policy.”

“I’m pretty much surrounded 24/7 by murderous psychopaths. I need some time away from those horrifying monsters.”

“...Your daughter would like spending more time with mommy, I’m sure.”

“I just said I needed time away from the murderous psychopaths. I can’t deal with the insanity all the time. I’m starting to think Felix is right about hired help.”

“Of course he’s wrong,” Brook replied. “Their loyalty provides them strength where many would fail. Some of their tendencies might be… troubling, but I’m confident that they all mean you no harm.”

“I know. It’s those troubling tendencies that I need to get away from sometimes. Those people are straight up cuckoo.”

“I hope you realize that the same could be said of you,” Brook said with a small smile.

“Yeah, but there are more of them, so they can divide their time up so that none of them ever get tired of me. And since half of them seem like they’re straight up addicted to my presence, they can never get enough of me. But since I’m constantly surrounded by them, it gets to me.”

“I suppose I see your conundrum,” she slowly said, her smile disappearing. “Your logic is always so interesting, Nav. Have you considered my offer? I’m sure you would enjoy my company more than Aqua’s.”

“Aqua is my new favorite toy,” I said. “Don’t try and take her from me.”

“...Toy?”

“Well, she was trying to turn me into a barbie doll. It’s only fair that I get to play with her now. I’m sure I’ll find all kinds of uses for her!”

“Well. Far be it from me to take that from you, then.” Aqua turned an even darker blue.

“I know what’ll cheer you up, Aqua,” I said. “You can be my chariot for the rest of the way!” Aqua deeply sighed and slid under me, ferrying me along. Brook actually burst out laughing and had to speed up to catch us.

With my new mount, we made good time. The only person waiting for us was Luna. I picked a random chair and plopped down. Brook and Aqua did the same. “So how long do you think our wait will be?” Luna asked.

“Not very. Everyone’s taking a short recess after breakfast. They’ll all be heading this way soon.”

“...I was not invited to breakfast,” she quietly replied. “I was just told to come here.”

“Wow. Talk about rude. So, are you worried about seeing Blossom again?”

“No. Even with the blood gem, she would be incapable of harming me. Besides, I am confident that you asked her not to.”

“I did. I hope she listened, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she confronts you anyway.”

“I will not hurt her, of course. I’m sure that once I explain that I am now your humble servant, she will be placated.”

“That would be nice. I’ve been looking forward to seeing how everyone will react. So far, it’s been an interesting mix.”

“I am not surprised. Are you disappointed in the choice Aqua made for you?”

I wonder how long you’ve been wanting to ask that one. “Not this one.”

She sighed in relief. “I am glad. It has worried me.”

“Why didn’t you ask sooner?”

“...Because it was worrying me.”

She was nervous. That’s almost cute. “After seeing how Shiny reacted when I told him you were a vassal, I knew I made the right choice. You will earn your redemption by helping to make the world a better place. With luck, you’ll find yourself in a happier place along the way.”

“With you to guide my path, I know I have nothing to fear.” Gay as fuck.

“Your loyalty is impressive,” Brook said. “I’m happy to see that all of your crew is so close to you, Nav.”

“It has its upsides,” I sighed, finally leaning back into my chair and staring off into space. “So who’s gonna tell the story about what we saw in the Zone?”

“I think that honor should go to you, of course,” Brook said. “As our leader, you have the most boasting rights.”

“It wouldn’t sound very boastful coming from me,” I said. “I’m too dead inside. We should have brought Zecora.”

“There’s always the option of just flashing the memories into everyone’s heads,” Brook said. “It’s disorienting, but it would likely be fastest and nothing would be missed.”

“Yeah, we’re not doing that,” I immediately replied. “We can make Aqua tell the story. It’s not like she has a choice one way or another.” The named elemental sighed and slumped in her seat.

“Your delegation skills are wonderful, my lady,” Luna said with a grin.

“Yeah, I’m the greatest.”

Soon enough, people began trickling in and picking spots. In practically no time at all, everyone was finally in place.

I slowly looked around the large crystal table. Twilight looked… uncomfortable. Shining Armor seemed very determined. Cadance looked resolute. Luna had a smug grin on her face. Aqua was glowing a dark blue. I flipped her off and she sighed, massaging a temple. Moonie was filing down one of the holes on her leg, then using magic to float the shavings into Aqua. They dissolved on impact. Gilda was watching in disgust. Brook was failing to stifle giggles. Blossom was glaring at Luna. Fleur was leaning against me.

I took a deep breath and stood. “So who wants to skip the bullshit and get to the point?” I asked.

“Please,” Moonbeam said. “Some of us have things to do.”

“At least half of us are rulers, Chrysalis,” Shiny said. “This is important.”

“That’s not what I heard,” she replied. “Nav?”

“Thanks to Miss Blueberry over there, Celestia is under our complete control,” I said. “Miss Blueberry, would you like to explain?”

Aqua sighed and rolled her eyes. “I may have… led a coup a couple weeks ago. And after that, I may have gotten a little overconfident and… expanded my coup a little.”

“And it backfired like a motherfucker,” I said. “Now she’s my little bitch, which makes Celestia my littler bitch.”

“Wait a moment,” Blossom said. “Those blank-eyed guards that Celestia has…”

“Are under my control, yes,” Aqua said. “They were created using the cloning pool and have no real will of their own.”

“...What should we do with them?” Blossom asked.

“For now, nothing,” I said. “My current plan is to give them to the fire elementals for use as runesmiths, but we’ll see where things go.”

“I would be happy to take them,” Moonie said. “I could find uses for a few strong stallions…” Blossom narrowed her eyes.

“Like I said, we’ll come up with something later. Now we have to deal with the aftermath of this cunt’s failed coup.”

Aqua groaned and started crying. “Oh Navi! You could have been so much more! Why wouldn’t you let me just turn you into a perfect princess?!”

“Shut your mouth!” I said. “I already told you, I’m not gonna kill you no matter what you say! You’re gonna suffer!” She started sobbing. “Silence mode!” That shut her up, but she continued silently wailing. “She’ll get used to it.”

“...I don’t know how to feel about that,” Twilight slowly said.

“Don’t worry about it. Now let’s talk shop. Celestia is under our control. We can do whatever we want to her. So what do we want?”

“A correction,” Brook said. “You can do whatever you want to her. She is under your control.”

“Discord created me. This choice can’t be mine alone. Besides, it will affect everybody here. It’s only fair that we all get to weigh in. I agree to abide by whatever we vote to do.”

“Who all gets to vote?” Blossom asked, finally looking back at me. “Not everybody here is a ruler.”

“Aqua obviously doesn’t get to,” I said. “That leaves ten of us.”

“What if we get a tie?” Fleur asked.

“I’ll abstain,” Twilight said. “I’m not a ruler. I don’t have any land or anyone working for me.”

“Neither does Fleur,” I said. “You represent the Elements of Harmony. She represents the nobility of Canterlot. Blossom is the army. Gilda is the griffins, Moonie is the changelings, Brook is the elementals, Luna is Celestia’s sister, and Cadance and Shiny represent the Crystal Empire.”

“Then they should only get one vote,” Moonbeam said. “That would give us nine.”

“I see no issue with that,” Cadance said.

“We already know where our vote is,” Shiny added, nodding.

“What do you represent?” Gilda asked, staring at me.

“I’m the reason everyone is sitting in this room right now instead of eating bullshit out of Celestia’s hooves. That is what I represent.” She bowed her head.

“Aren’t you also a member of dragon royalty?” Brook asked.

“We’re not gonna count that.”

“Why not?” Cadance asked. “Didn’t you say you were adopted by the dragon king’s mother? That would make you…” She suddenly gasped in utter joy. “THAT MAKES YOU A PRINCESS!”

“Someone flick her on the nose for me,” I sighed. Luna and Moonie both immediately flicked Cadance on the nose, making most of the excitement and life in her eyes quickly die away. “So, glossing over that nonsense, we have nine votes. Now what do we want to do?”

“So what, exactly, can we do to Celestia?” Moonbeam asked.

“Aqua, get over yourself and explain.”

She instantly stopped crying and began speaking instead. “I can change her personality however you want. I could kill her instantly, put her in a coma, make her marry whoever you—”

“Hey! You’re on thin ice, missy!”

“Or what?” Aqua bitterly asked.

“Bimbo mode.” She turned yellow in humiliation as her body morphed into a completely slutty looking human. “Now be silent like the eyecandy you are. And remember, you’re my perfect little elemental. That means you enjoy following orders, remember?” Instead of yellow, she went to pink and started smiling. “Good girl.”

“We can do anything we want with Celestia,” Cadance said. “So, I’d like to suggest the obvious. Why not try her as a tyrant and publicly execute her for her crimes?”

“Because that’s a waste,” I said. “At the moment, we don’t really have anyone who can comfortably take her place. I’m kinda in the middle of something important and my time could be spent much better than by administering a kingdom. It’ll take time to put systems under Celestia into place. We can always change our minds and kill her later, which brings up the next topic: Brainwashing her into a less shitty person. Aqua, would you like to tell everybody what you were going to do to me and how you were going to do it?”

“Of course, Navi! I was gonna slowly destroy your personality over time in order to make you a super happy, frilly, and upbeat princess! Oooh, it was gonna be so cute! With you married to Celestia, it gave me so many options to choose from! I was thinking a lot of pink, obviously. Oh, and after you forcefully realized that you always wanted to be a woman and were just too proud to admit it, you were going to use the fruit in the Everfree to have so many beautiful bouncing babies! It would have been perfect!”

“...That was one of the most horrifying things I’ve ever heard in my life,” Shiny whispered.

“So as you can see, we can change Celestia’s mind however we want, no matter how insane and nonsensical it might be,” I said.

“So you propose to turn her into a proper princess,” Luna said.

“I do. With all of us around to keep an eye on her, it should be easy to make sure she doesn’t slip off track. Over time, we can rework her kingdom to make her position obsolete. Then we can reconsider our options. If everyone’s cool with Canonlestia, we can keep her. Otherwise, we can axe her.”

“And then there’s the marriage route,” Brook said. “Should she be joined to anyone here, our power over her would be more absolute. It would also grant that person a considerable amount of influence while allowing them to retain a good chunk of their independence. I’m sure we could all think of a few people who could use that power.”

“Is anybody besides Brook going to vote to make me marry Celestia?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Is Nav gonna have to slap a hoe?” Cadance asked. I’m so proud.

Nobody spoke up, so Brook sighed in defeat. “Wise choice,” I said, finally sitting back down. “We can do pretty much anything else we want, but I feel like we kinda covered the main two options. So, you want to jump straight to the voting or should we talk more?”

“The solution is obvious,” Fleur said.

“Of course it is,” Blossom added with a nod.

They both spoke up again. Fleur said, “Brainwash her.”

Blossom, of course, said, “Kill her.”

“So I guess that’s two votes down,” I said. “We have one for kill and one for brainwash. My vote is also with brainwash.”

“Can we take a moment to discuss that?” Blossom asked. “Because it sounds… I dunno, super evil.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Moonbeam slowly asked.

“It is pretty evil,” Luna said. “But evil can be put to good use.”

“Yeah, so I heard,” Blossom said, lifting her neck and pointing at the bite marks on it. “I bet you were gonna put me to a lot of good use, too!”

“That was the plan. I now serve a new lady, one who will hopefully guide my hooves in a better direction.”

Blossom’s eyes slowly moved to me. “...Nav?”

“Luna is now my vassal.”

“Why?” Her voice sounded unusually violent and her eyes actually flashed red.

“Aqua forced me to while I was under her control. Luna’s been behaving and she’s proven useful, so I didn’t see any reason to revoke it. If she wants to earn her salvation through service, that’s fine by me.”

“Is it? Is it fine by you, Nav? After what she did to me?!”

“I literally just said that she can earn her salvation through service. Because unless all you want is revenge, I don’t know what better outcome you could have hoped for. We now have someone with five thousand years of battlefield experience who knows an insane amount of history and spells in our pocket. She’s also capable of doing true magic, which is not something to be taken lightly. Yes, she did a lot of fucked up shit. Some of which was done to me, in case you forgot. But we have two options: We can either kill her for revenge or let her make up for what she did. I’m inclined to go with letting her make up for things. Unfortunately, I have a thing for helping the outcasts and those who are feared by society.”

“I fail to see how that’s unfortunate at all,” Fleur said.

“Because usually they’re outcasts or feared for a reason. Blossom’s the obvious exception, because she’s too adorable to ever be scary, but most of the people following me are utterly horrifying.”

“I can vouch to that,” Twilight said. “I’ve been on the same boat with Kat for probably about a year now and I still sometimes wonder if she might slit my throat while I’m sleeping.”

“I think she just watches me sleep some nights,” I said. “Shit gives me the heebie jeebies. Anyway, Luna is my next project. Er… newest vassal. Is that going to be a problem?”

After some visible effort, Blossom’s eyes lost their red hue. “You better work her to the bone.”

“She worked for three days straight recently,” I said. “So you don’t need to worry about that. Now, does anyone else want to discuss the morality of brainwashing Celestia?”

“It is evil,” Cadance said. “And I’m hesitant about the idea of trying to use evil for good. Isn’t that exactly what Celestia was doing?”

“My ex-sister is a tyrant who harshly puts down any hints of dissidence well before they can turn into threats,” Luna coldly replied. “Our entire reign was built on the lie that we moved the sun and moon. This lifeline kept us in power when nothing else could. A part of me wonders if Celestia touted it as truth for so long that she started to believe it herself. Navarone intends to take us into the future with truth and magically fueled technological advancement. It is a stark contrast. As long as we keep ourselves in check when it comes to finally governing, I see nothing wrong with doing whatever is necessary to increase the likelihood that we succeed. Discord must be stopped at all costs or everything we’ve done will be for naught. Reforming Celestia is likely the best way to keep the peace long enough for us to replace her properly.”

“How is brainwashing her more evil than killing her?” Moonbeam asked. “It’s basically the same thing. Brainwashing just means we’ll have a more useful version of her left over instead of the nothing we’d have if we killed her.”

“Sometimes it’s just about doing the right thing, no matter what,” Cadance said. “If we’re voting, I say we should kill her.”

“Agreed,” Shiny said. “It’s the most honest thing to do. It will cause problems, but nothing we can’t overcome.”

“So that’s two for kill and two for brainwash,” I said.

“Brainwash,” Moonie said.

“I am also for brainwashing her,” Luna said. “But I want to be allowed to watch you tell her. I want to see the light dim from her eyes as she realizes her fate. I want to see her beg for death instead. And I want to be able to laugh as her mind is slowly overwritten until nothing is left but what we allow her to have!”

“I can make those happen,” I said. “Four for brainwashing, two for killing.”

“I do have another request, if possible,” Luna tried to sweetly say.

“So fucking needy. What is it this time?”

“If we vote to kill her, I would like to be the executioner. I would also like to choose the method.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” I said.

“I feel like we should actually ask about that,” Cadance said. “What method did you have in mind, exactly?”

“Banishment to the moon. I want the last thing she ever sees to be my laughing face as she chokes for breath on that cold, inhospitable prison she banished me to for a thousand years.”

“Sounds fair to me,” Cadance replied with a shrug.

“So can we get back to the voting or do you have more demands?” I asked.

“I am sated.”

“Who’s up next?” I said, looking around the room.

“I find myself at a crossroads,” Twilight quietly said. “I am in a position to pick the fate of someone I once thought of as a second mother. My only options seem to be to have her killed or to utterly destroy her personality. I honestly don’t know how you can seem so casual, Nav. My heart feels like it’s about to burst!”

“I don’t have much of a heart left. Like, literally. It’s all just some kind of plantlike mass in there. I’ve been strangely calm ever since it happened, to the point where it’s almost impossible to rile me up. And I’ve been through so much that to me, this is just another day. Next week, we’ll probably be fighting magical horse Stalin part two and I’ll probably be just as unfazed.”

“Well… I’m finding it hard to decide.”

“I was just as close to Celestia, if not closer,” Cadance said. “She led our entire race down such a dark path. Think about everything you’ve learned, Twilight. And that does not even scratch the surface. We’ve found books here that detail her offensive into the lands of the griffins. It was awful.”

“I would like copies of those books,” Gilda said.

“We have already sent half a library’s worth,” Shiny said. “We signed several trade deals with your father for massive amounts of paper in exchange for ten copies of every book we transcribed.”

“Excellent,” Gilda replied, nodding. “My choice is obvious. She must pay with blood for all her sins against griffinkind. Kill that monster once and for all.”

“Four for brainwash, three for kill. We’re just waiting on Twiggles and Brook, now.”

“...Despite everything, a part of me still wonders if the sun would keep rising every day with Celestia dead,” Twilight said. “As Nav once said, she turned herself into a god. She made all the ponies believe in a huge lie. She’s driven us to do awful things in our ignorance and fear. She’s done horrifying things to any who challenge her power. She always treated me so sweet and so kind, and yet… and yet she’s so evil! She’s… she’s a blight on ponykind. Nothing good will come from keeping her around. If ponykind wants to flourish… if we want the world to flourish… we have to kill that relic. It… breaks my heart to say it. But we have to look to the future and we can’t do that if our leader will keep us bound to the past.”

“That makes you the deciding vote, Brook,” I said.

“It is an interesting thing. You could order me to make whatever decision you want, yet you allow me a voice.”

“The point of this council is to let everyone come together to decide on things as a group. All sides can present their arguments. The people on the council are free to decide however they choose. I will never attempt to use leverage to force somebody to say something. That defeats the entire point.”

“Indeed. Both sides of this particular debate have merit. Celestia has done much wrong. Exposing her corruption and putting her to death would shake this world to its core. Sometimes, big change is a good thing. And sometimes… it’s an awful thing. Using a water elemental to essentially brainwash her gives us a more gradual change. In my experience, I’ve seen that societies who choose to change gradually will have a much easier time of things. It will likely prevent a civil war. It would be an easy way to keep a huge chunk of the world under the direct control of this council. With her as our face, we should have no trouble convincing other great powers to join us.”

“So what’ll it be?” I asked.

“I say brainwash. It might be seen as kicking the can down the road, so to say, but I believe that, of the two options, it is the one most likely to have a positive outcome.”

“Five for brainwash, four for kill,” I said. “Does anyone want to change their minds? Or does anybody want to discuss this more?”

“...I will admit that having Celestia under our control does have… advantages,” Twilight slowly said. “I suppose with us there to force things forward, she could do little to hold us back. And there have been questions of mine that she has been avoiding for quite some time. I would like to ask her those questions before we wipe her mind.”

“We don’t have to wipe her mind,” Aqua said. “We can leave all of her knowledge intact. I’m just going to erase her personality and start fresh.”

“First of all, no the fuck you ain’t,” I said. “Your bitch ass is fucking crazy. We’re gonna let an elemental who isn’t a complete psycho do it. Second of all, thank you for clearing that up. We don’t have to actually deep six Sunbutt’s memories. We can just give her personality a few touch-ups, so to say.”

“So what’s to stop her from becoming evil again?” Blossom asked.

“Uh… us?” I said. “We’re gonna keep multiple eyes all over this bitch, which will include giving her an elemental. With as powerful as she is, we need to be sure there is no way she can ever revert back. To help with that, we have, in no particular order, her niece, her ex-sister, her personal student, her lover, me, her ex-teacher and a queen besides, a princess of a neighboring country, a prince of a nearby country, and her guard captain.”

“Wait, so who’s her lover?” Twilight asked.

“Fleur. Don’t you remember that time at the gala?”

Fleur shuddered. “Please don’t remind me…”

“As long as we all keep a close eye on her, we should be fine,” I finished with a nod.

“And what of justice?” Shiny demanded.

“Can you quantify justice?” I asked. “Can you measure it? Weigh it? It’s a made up concept. Celestia did a bunch of evil shit. We’re going to punish her by brainwashing her and making her help fix the fucked up world she built. Once again, would you rather waste her skills by killing her out of some sense of moral righteousness or would you rather put the incredibly powerful, ancient goddess-queen to work unfucking everything?”

“The vote won’t always swing your way, Nav,” Cadance said. “What will you do when it goes against you?”

“Abide by it. I’m an abomination created by Discord. Far be it from me to stand in the way of real people. But because I helped build this entire movement, I think it’s fair that I at least deserve the right to vote regardless.”

“No one will ever dispute that,” Cadance said. “If you’re confident that brainwashing her will lead to a good result, I’ll accept it. I will abide by the vote.”

“Of course I will,” Twilight said. “It will be nice to have my old teacher back. I do think killing her would be better for the ponies in the long run, though.”

“My father and my brother might have fought this,” Gilda said. “They might have screeched until they were red in the face. My pride demands her death. But logic and evidence have shown that having her on our side is not a bad thing. After seeing Luna in action, I am interested to see what Celestia is capable of. And obviously, her magical knowledge can be used to revolutionize everything. For those reasons, I will abide by the vote.”

“...I suppose it is not my place to question which monster deserves a second chance and which does not,” Blossom finally said. “If I am to be trusted despite my condition, it is only fair that others be given their fair due. Celestia has a chance to be useful again. To push ponykind… to push all life into the future. With luck, and with us to guide her, she will not falter again. I will abide by the vote.”

“Then it’s settled,” I said. “Dibs on getting to tell her the news.”

“Then if that is all, I should be returning to my kingdom,” Moonbeam said.

“That isn’t quite all,” I said. “I have a proposal. Between all of us, we represent a huge chunk of the power in the world, especially on this side of the continent. Everybody here also knows about Discord already. I propose that we all formally agree to work together to kill him, and to continue working together past his demise.”

“Work together in what ways?” Cadance asked.

“The world is a small place,” I said. “And by the time I’m finished with my trip, it’s going to be considerably smaller. We must all act as one. We can’t let all the races grow apart again. If we are to keep Discord dead, we must work together to keep the violence and discord in the world at a minimum.”

“That is a hefty order,” Moonie said.

“I’m aware, but I believe I know how to begin going about it. I want to form several academies across the world dedicated to technological and magical research. Gilda has already agreed to build one in her nation. I’m going to break ground on my own near Ponyville shortly after I get back. I plan to found another in Minos. I know Moonie already has several researchers working on things, but I don’t know if she has any actual academies.”

“Not as such, no,” she replied. “But that can be rectified. I don’t quite see how academies are going to solve our violence problem, though.”

“That’s just step one. I recently found a magical ring that creates heat. Toss it in a pot of water and it boils almost instantly. You can use something like that to create a steam engine. As long as the ring continues producing heat, the engine will continue producing power. Thus, infinite free energy.”

“I would like to see this ring,” Moonie said.

“It isn’t mine to show off and it’s certainly not here. But the point is, if we can figure out how to make something like that, we can solve the biggest issue humans ever had with technology: finding enough fuel to keep things going. With unlimited fuel sources, we could revolutionize the entire planet. With some of the technology we found at the Zone of Alienation, we can instantly grow acres and acres of whatever crop we want. So with the technology to grow crops and the magitech applied to create infinite energy to transport said crops, we have an infinitely sustainable food source that could theoretically supply the entire planet.”

“That’s amazing!” Cadance said.

“You should have seen it in action,” Twilight replied. “It was… awe-inspiring.”

“It’s a fine theory,” Moonie said. “And I would certainly be willing to build an academy. However, I’m quite hesitant to believe that all of the world’s problems will be solved with fire rings and free food.”

“Oh, absolutely not,” I replied. “Again, that’s part of step one. Step two will be getting all the other major nations in the world to join this council. That’s probably what I’ll start working on after I get done finding all the elementals.” Though I really don’t know why I’m bothering.

“That will be something of a tough sell, in some places,” Cadance said. “Especially if it’ll end up involving Celestia.”

“Which leads me to another suggestion,” I said. “Every nation represented in the council should sign a treaty that states that any attack against one of us is an attack against all of us. That’ll give them the carrot.”

“...And the stick?” Cadance asked.

Moonie snorted. “Isn’t that obvious? At least half the world is instantly going to be part of this alliance. Any individual nation who sees something like that popping up suddenly is going to be very concerned that something big is on the horizon. I imagine several of them will either demand to be part of it or form their own coalition out of fear.”

“The end goal is to eradicate the idea of nations entirely,” I said, making several eyebrows lift. “Obviously that won’t be easy. But I think if we work at it long enough, we can turn this council into an effective one-world government, scrapping the idea of nations and war entirely.”

“Good luck,” Moonie replied, rolling her eyes.

“How can you get rid of war entirely?” Gilda asked.

“Well, why do nations fight wars?” I asked.

“Usually because their neighbor does something they don’t like,” Gilda slowly said.

“Right. War generally happens because one nation wants to change another nation. Well, why go to war if you can just ask your neighbor to stop being a douchebag? With the council to act as mediators, what use would someone have for war?”

“Wanting to be free from the council?” Moonie asked.

“I’m kinda hoping to make being part of it nice enough that nobody would want to leave,” I replied. “Part of that is technological and magical advances. Another part is security. I was hoping we could come up with more incentives.”

“Trade,” Cadance said. “We could allow free or cheaper trade between member nations.”

“That’s assuming we agree to this in the first place,” Moonbeam said. “I came here to decide what to do with Celestia, not form some kind of worldwide governing body.”

“What do you see as the downsides?” I asked.

“I see no reason to make myself accountable to other rulers,” she replied. “I know what is best for my changelings. I also have no need for infinite food, since my kind can’t eat it anyway. As for technological advances, it seems we’re doing fairly well on our own. Why would we need the other races?”

“To help pacify Discord,” I said. “He’s a magical entity that thrives off the amount of violence in the world. The more peaceful things are, the weaker he becomes. At some point, it might be possible for another deity or entity to either kill him or become powerful enough to actively oppose him. And while the idea of infinite food might not appeal, there’s always security. We can also add in freedom of movement for all citizens of member nations, so anyone living in one nation can freely move to another nation. That would mean you could have a diaspora from the hives, if you wanted.”

“Hm. It is not something I will agree to immediately. It will require further consideration.”

“It sounds like a good idea to me,” Cadance said.

“It sounds like an interesting idea to me,” Gilda slowly said. “You seek to make yourself ruler of the entire globe, Nav?”

“What? No. I don’t rule this council. I’m just a member.”

“Why not rule the council?” Cadance asked. “You could use us for votes and either act as a tiebreaker or the final voice.”

“Because I don’t wanna. I don’t even want to be doing this, I just don’t have much of a choice at the moment. We might eventually need someone to act as a tiebreaker. If that’s ever the case and I actually have a real soul, I might be willing to take that position.”

“Well, you have given us something to consider,” Moonie said. “Do you have any other world-changing proposals?”

“I do, as a matter of fact,” I said. “I intend to declare war on Tartarus.” I paused for a moment, either for dramatic effect or to let it sink in. “Obviously nobody is required to join me, but I’m leading Equestria to war.”

“I rather hope you have a plan to win,” Moonbeam slowly said. “Especially with your proposal to end all wars entirely.”

“That place is a pit of misery and corruption. I’m going to cleanse it, like popping a pimple on the planet. Then I am going to find a way to cleanse the lake of pure magic under it and turn that into the fountain from which to return true magic to the world.”

“Wait, what?” Cadance said.

“What do you mean, lake of magic?” Twilight asked.

“It’s something Athena told me,” I said. “Do you remember the great flood in the bible?”

“I do. Noah’s Ark?”

“The same. Once, when humans were young, the earth was covered in many great lakes of magic. Discord destroyed most of them, evaporating them and causing a flood. The lake in Australia was underground and survived. Eventually, some of his supporters corrupted it. It’s since been unsealed and leaking chaotic magic across the entire realm, likely why the entire continent was sealed away. Athena seems to think it can be cleaned. I’m inclined to agree. If it can be, we can use it for an incredible magic boost against Discord.”

“That is a hefty task,” Moonbeam quietly said.

“I’m planning on building a hefty warchest with which to do it. Shiny, do you recall seeing an iron golem with us?”

“I do. It was impressive.”

“My current plan is to send the huge ship we got around all the major cities, recruiting crafters of all kinds. They’ll harvest resources as they go and build runic equipment, runic golems, and siege weapons. I have a few ideas for heavy chariots, too. The short version is that I plan to make a huge amount of magitech weaponry designed to inflict as much pain, horror, and death as possible. Any demon who does not submit will be thoroughly crushed under the arm of the revitalized Equestrian military.”

“You will not be marching alone,” Gilda said. “I guarantee you that! My brother would be happy to lead our land into a just, righteous crusade!”

“I shall speak to Ditto,” Moonbeam said. “I will not promise soldiers, but I can deliver crafters and harvesters.”

“You will, of course, need experienced officers,” Shiny said. “I’d be happy to vol—”

“You’re not going to war,” Cadance said.

“I will, of course, also need training officers,” I said. “Someone to kick the common rank and file of Equestria into shape. Once I get the trick down for mass-producing runic armor, the common footsoldier is essentially going to be a tank. We don’t want them hurting themselves or each other, so we’ll need someone to drill them.”

“That, I don’t mind,” Cadance said. Thank god. I don’t think I’d trust Shiny with any lives after the war games.

“I have been writing notes,” Luna said. “In what little spare time I possess. We used a simpler version of runes on the armor of common soldiers, things that did not require recharging. It wasn’t feasible to get that many blood gems. However, I did train up an elite corps of unicorns who were able to teleport as a group, keep a shield up at all times, and fire in unison. If they ever saw an opening in an enemy army, they would blink forward and clear out huge sections of enemies all around them. It was an incredible intimidation tactic, and if they ever needed to travel outside of the shield, their armor was capable of reflecting almost anything and it tripled their strength, allowing them to break bones with every kick.”

“...Why didn’t we have a group like that?” Shiny slowly asked.

“I don’t know, Shining Armor,” Luna said. “Why did you not train a group like that?”

“The real answer: Celestia was afraid of the power of the military,” I said. “That’s why she stripped pretty much all of your real power and turned herself into the nation’s protector.”

“Correct,” Luna replied with a nod. “My rebellion made her wary of the military. A group of unicorns that coordinated could kill her in seconds, if they timed it right.”

“Well, that’ll be one of Shiny’s goals,” I said. “We’ll discuss ideas for other elite units after we determine who else will be supporting us. I can think of several ways to mix ponies, changelings, and griffins to great effect.”

“We will need scouting information,” Blossom finally said.

“I’m going to try my best to summon a familiar I’m friends with,” I said. “With luck, he’ll be able to fill us in. If not, we’ll figure something out.”

“I have two books of familiars,” Luna said. “We can look through them together when we get back to Canterlot.”

“Well, that was the only other proposal I had,” I said. “So unless anyone wants to hear what we found at the bunker, we’re done.”

“Of course we want to hear it,” Fleur said. “You made it sound so amazing!”

“You mentioned a giant ship?” Blossom said.

“Aqua will be telling it from the beginning,” I said. “With the bare minimum of sass and annoying, insane asides or tirades.”

“Wait, I wanna hear it from the great hero herself!” Cadance said.

“I do as well,” Fleur said. “Hearing it in your lovely voice would be preferable.”

“You people are obviously smoking crack. Aqua, would you be so kind?”

“May I borrow your voice?” she asked.

“Of course not,” Moonbeam said. “We want to hear it in Nav’s own words.”

“Too fucking bad. Aqua, start, now.”

Thankfully, she started talking, explaining things from the beginning. It looked like they wanted to keep talking shit, but finally settled down when Aqua started describing the dome.

Hearing the retelling of events from an extremely disinterested and bored third party made me realize just how much we accomplished in such short a time. It almost sounded impressive until my usual self-hatred kicked back in and I stopped paying attention.

When Aqua finally finished, it seemed like a good chunk of the table was either deep in thought or as bored as I was. “So that’s a pretty hefty info-dump,” I said. “We found all kinds of cool shit there and we’re only uncovering more as we go. I plan to loot that place dry. The main limiting factor at the moment is the time it takes to get rid of the spooky inhabitants of the bunker.”

“We can rectify that quickly, if you grant us permission to hasten things along,” Luna said with a small smile.

“There’s a right way and a wrong way to do things,” I said. “If what Zecora is doing helps the spirits within be at peace, I’ll take it. So far, there’s been nothing as evil and powerful as what I ran into before.”

“After cleansing that bunker, I can honestly say that I am surprised you lived through it,” Luna said. “The horrors you experienced must have been—”

“They were and I don’t want to talk about it. So, we now have technology that will allow us to grow a ton of crops. We also have tech that lets us control storms. This enables all kinds of shenanigans. The local nanites also seemed to be able to transfer matter of one type to another similar type. It might well be possible to turn rocks into iron.”

“Not rocks,” Brook said. “But the knowledge he gave us would allow us to easily turn, say, lead into gold.” I’m not sure that lead is closer to gold than rocks are to iron, but whatever I guess.

“What about silver?” Luna asked. “Against demons, it is considerably more potent.”

“That is also an option.”

“We must be wary not to disrupt the economy,” Moonbeam said. “If we flood it with gold, we’ll cause inflation.”

“That wasn’t part of the plan,” I said. “I’m fairly certain that Equestria has plenty of gold at the moment. We will, however, be keeping the fact that we can make gold a secret. If there ever is an opposing faction, being able to beat them in a trade war will be vital. Having enough gold to make Pyrite look twice would help with that.”

“Of course, having enough gold to make Pyrite look twice might also make him attack,” Luna said.

“As long as I get enough time, I’ll transform our military to the point where it probably won’t matter,” I said. “I’m fairly confident that, within about fifty or so years, I’ll be able to make an army that’s basically unstoppable.”

“...That’s a hefty boast,” Shiny quietly said.

“Yeah, well, I’m currently one of the most powerful people on the planet. I get to make a few hefty boasts.”

“Fair enough, I guess.”

“Do you need any assistance at the bunker?” Moonie asked. “Soldiers? Workers? Mages?”

“Do you have anyone who can speak to ghosts and make them leave?” I asked.

“...I do not, no.”

“Then I think we got it covered. Now, with the conclusion of Aqua’s little speech, I don’t really have anything else. I’m ready to declare the first Round Table meeting adjourned if you guys are.”

“When do you plan to leave for Canterlot?” Twilight asked.

“As soon as I grab Taya and say bye to Eva. I want this over and done with as quickly as possible.”

“Then we should teleport,” Luna said. “There is a circle here, is there not?”

“There is,” Cadance said. “You are welcome to it.”

“That will mean Flo is the only one available to brainwash Celestia,” Brook said. “If Aqua or I am there, we could use any sister, since we both contain small traces of each.”

“Flo, you want to brainwash Celestia for us?” I asked aloud.

“That would be fine,” she replied with my mouth. “I will be able to obtain input from the other sisters and Nav, so there should be no issues with creating the perfect Celestia.”

“Who’s going with you?” Twilight asked. “I certainly want to be there to confront Celestia for the last time.”

“If we’re teleporting, just you and Luna,” I said. “Everyone else can take the ship back. They can drop Gilda off at Gryphus on the way and then join us in Canterlot.”

“What do you mean, drop me off?” Gilda asked.

“I’m not planning on going straight back to the bunker. I do plan on sending the changeling ship back with whatever supplies they need so it can start carting shit back and forth, but the next time I return, it’ll be by teleportation.”

“I would like to return to the bunker with the ship. Stopping at Gryphus would be nice so I can talk to my brother, but I do not plan on staying there long.”

“If he says you can go, whatever.”

“I was actually hoping for a chance to talk with you, Nav,” Moonie said.

“I think most of us were,” Cadance sighed. “This is the way she works. In and out as quickly as she can so she can avoid as much social contact as possible.”

“I’m sorry you think my urgency is actually just me trying to avoid talking to my friends,” I said. “Apparently everything I do or say is wrong now.”

“Hasn’t it been like that since you got to Equestria?” Aqua sweetly asked.

“No, she’s just being dramatic because someone called her on her bullshit,” Brook said. “Flo pointed out how commonly Nav uses that tactic.”

“Sounds to me like Flo’s a traitor, then,” I said. “I guess there really isn’t anybody I can trust anymore…”

“She’s doing it again,” Twilight said. “Four sentences in a row!”

“I call this first meeting concluded,” I said, finally standing. “Since nobody apparently wants to talk to me after all, Luna and I will go seek out my daughter. Twilight can meet us at the teleport pads. Luna?” Her horn lit up and we actually teleported out. “I’m starting to love being able to do that.”

“It definitely has uses. The way they treat you can be utterly disrespectful, Nav.”

“Yeah, that’s why I left. I wonder how many times I’ll have to do that before they get the point.”

“They have already gotten a point, but I do not think it is the right point.”

“...Would you like to expand upon that?”

“I heard them talking while I was approaching the throne room after we met yesterday afternoon. Apparently you had just done the same thing there and they were discussing how obvious it was that you needed an intervention.”

“Never gonna happen,” I said. “I have two alicorns in my pocket now. I can order either of them to teleport me anywhere on the planet. I can quite easily get out of whatever bullshit I want. Hell, if you’d like, I can make Celestia teleport the two of us to her right now.”

“That would be unfair to Twilight. Celestia was almost like a second mother to her. She deserves to be there at the end.”

“Flo, where are we going?” She started directing my steps and we finally started walking. “Besides, I don’t need an intervention. I need a coma.”

“You keep saying it like it will be the solution to all your problems. The problems will still be there when you get out, Nav. You might have a slightly different personality or outlook on life, but you will not leave everything behind.”

“I know. But with luck, I’ll be able to turn into someone who’s strong enough to actually change. Right now, I feel far too broken to do anything. The burden on me is just too much. Even the effort of existing seems too exhausting for me these days. I’m truly winding down. Hopefully the coma will be the boost I need.”

“...There is no denying you have been through much. There have been times I felt myself growing too weary to go on, especially when I was young, like you. The longer I live, the easier it seems to be to put one hoof in front of the other. Before, all the problems I faced seemed monumental and too colossal to tackle. Over time, as my perspective grew and grew, I slowly learned that almost everything could be handled with enough time and, in some cases, enough help.”

“Well, that’s great and all, but it doesn’t change the fact that the only thing stopping me from killing myself is Flo. And not in the sense that I’d be too afraid she’d miss me, but in the literal sense that she’s stopping me from immediately plunging a dagger into my throat. So you can keep your old timey wisdom about being patient or whatever, because I’m out of time. I need a solution sooner rather than later and I’m really not interested in being picky.”

“...The only thing?” Luna slowly asked.

“At this point, pretty much. I know things are finally starting to move for the first time in a long time, but between the winter and all the mental trauma, I’m really kinda donezo. I’ve wanted to die for so long that I’m not really sure when it started anymore. Now I just want it to finally be over with. But now that I think about it, Discord probably won’t let me die until he’s done with me, so I don’t even have that escape option anyway. I’d certainly give it a whirl, but I imagine I’d fail.”

“Well, that’s all super depressing,” Luna said. “We spoke before in your dreams, about some of your problems. I asked if you would be interested in doing it again and you seemed so inclined. Is that something you think would help?”

“Aqua forced me to do it. Having so much dumped out like that was completely awful.”

“...I see.” We walked in silence for a few long seconds before she sighed. “It seems I failed you once again, my lady. I cannot believe I didn’t notice, yet it seems so obvious now…”

“It’s not difficult for an elemental who knows you in and out to disguise themselves like that. That was one of the few times I actually bothered trying to fight back, but to no avail.”

“For what it is worth… I do believe it would help put your mind at ease, should it be purposefully done. I am oath-bound to you, my lady. I could not divulge your secrets if I wanted to.”

“You know, I gotta say, it’s nice to finally have a vassal who actually seems to care about what I want. I’ll consider it. I suppose we could use something to talk about between rounds.”

“There is another thing I would like to discuss, if you would allow it.”

“It depends on the thing.”

“I have noticed you have many paramours, some more serious than others. Have you actually considered marriage with any of them?”

“Gilda and Moonbeam have both proposed a bunch of times. I have considered marriage with Moonie, but not with Gilda. I really don’t want to live in the hives forever, but being with her would have advantages.”

“Hm. Have you considered, and I mean truly considered, Celestia? As in, the many immediate and long-term advantages? Or do you just not like the idea and you have been coming up with various excuses not to do it?”

“Mostly the second one. I don’t even want to consider it. It just sounds too squicky to me. I mean, brainwashing her into the perfect wife? That’s just a little too much.”

“Hm. I can understand your reluctance. There will likely come a time to make a choice. Will you be able to?”

“If push comes to shove, I can always just say no to everybody and keep on truckin’ like a champ. There are plenty of peeps out there willing to shove whatever they can up my love canal.”

“That is not the fairytale ending most would expect for the great hero.”

“Sounds like a pretty happy ending to me. Instead of allowing myself to vulnerably open up and accept someone as a true partner, I just keep on slutting it up for eternity, using all kinds of deplorable acts to fill the gaping voids inside of me instead of the normal intimacy and passion.”

“...I suppose it does have some appeal. However, I doubt it would be as fulfilling.”

“You sure? I’d be getting filled all the time!” That actually made her giggle, which earned her a boop. “To be honest, I’m slightly intimidated by my choices. On one hand, you have an immortal hunger fae, cursed by Discord himself. She’s utterly domineering and incredibly crafty. On the other hand, you have a young and proper griffin princess. She’s very inexperienced, but eager to learn and beyond intelligent. Moonie offered to let me keep Fleur as a mistress while Gilda seemed inclined to share with Twilight.”

“Then your choice is obvious,” Luna said. “Choose Moonbeam.”

“Why is that obvious?”

“So you don’t have to put up with Twilight anymore.”

Fuckin’ ouch. “Why do you say that?”

“She seems to take more shots at you than most.”

“I take more shots at her than most, but that’s only because she makes it easy and worth it. That one’s kinda fair, as long as it’s at least reciprocal.”

“She also always seems to act like she knows what’s best for you, and has been doing it ever since you got here.”

“She probably does know what’s best for me. That said, it’s super annoying when she gets all preachy about it. All it does is make me do the opposite to spite her.”

“She brags about the sex you two have behind your back. And have you even read the books she writes?”

“I didn’t know that and no, I haven’t.”

“I suggest doing so. The way she writes about you can be creepily possessive at times.”

If Luna is saying it, it must be really bad… “I guess I might have to do that soon, then. I have noticed that Twilight can be a little more… fervent than most of my admirers. I think a part of it is her trying to prove herself against the others.” That said, if that relationship ever becomes untenable, cutting it off might be difficult.

“There is nothing that mare can do that will ever compete to what Moonbeam is capable of doing to you,” Luna said. “I can most definitely guarantee that. She has had a long time to experiment with all kinds of different bodies. If you want intimacy and passion, there might be none alive who are better.”

“I’ve noticed. She’s extremely skilled. And she seems okay with sharing. I’ve considered biting that bullet and going for it, but the downsides always make me stop.”

“Well, I suppose you will have time to make a decision. None of them seem to be in a hurry to move on.”

“Yeah, being the main character can be great sometimes.”

“I have no idea what that means.”

“Not surprised,” I said, shrugging.

“...So what does it mean?”

I sighed and explained the general idea behind breaking the fourth wall. It was a good segue from things I didn’t want to talk about and it lasted until we got to a large bath chamber. When we peered in, we saw several maids and female guards chilling and talking in the main room, soaking in the water.

“I had no idea they had one of these,” I said.

“Cadance likely did not want you leering at her maids.”

“I bet there are private chambers further back. Man, I could have done all kinds of lewd stuff in here!”

“Well, now you know the real reason she didn’t tell you. Shall we go find your daughters?”

“Make sure I don’t slip and fall.”

“Of course, my lady.” I led the way in, since Flo knew where we were going. All the conversations immediately stopped as everyone turned to stare at us. It felt super awkward and I fought the urge to make a bad joke. Instead, we continued in complete silence.

Sure enough, there were a few more private chambers in the back. Taya and a strangely bored looking boy were in one of them. “Sup?” I said, leaning against the entrance.

“Hello, mother,” what I decided was Mimeo said.

“How do you like being human?”

“It is interesting. Fingers are advantageous. The lack of a sheath was odd at first, but I have adjusted. I still fit into the dresses Eva has, so clothing is not an issue.”

“You’re wearing dresses?” I asked.

“I am. It is the only human clothing we possess. Well, that and the underclothing.”

“You should get more made if you plan on staying as a human for too long. We don’t want Rarity getting any ideas if she sees you. Anyway, I actually just came to say bye. I need to get to Canterlot as soon as inhumanly possible.”

“I’ll be ready in ten minutes!” Taya said, hopping out of the bath and splashing water everywhere. She wasn’t too used to her human body, so she slipped and almost cracked her skull on the floor. Luna caught her and dumped her right back into the bath.

“You’re taking the ship back,” I said. “I’m teleporting back with Luna and Twilight. We need to deal with Celestia now, since we’ve decided what to do.”

“Why can’t I teleport with you?”

“The ship is leaving as soon as you and Gilda get to it. She’ll take a short stop at Gryphus, but you should be back in Canterlot before night falls. Every minute counts, so we need to go.”

“What did you decide to do with Celestia?” Mimeo asked.

“Brainwash her into the perfect princess. Once that’s done, we’ll take a few days to regroup in Canterlot.”

“The others are already planning our trip south,” Mimeo said. “Many of us were disappointed you did not stay longer.”

“Are you included in that number?” I asked.

“...Perhaps.”

“I’d love to stay longer, but there’s a world to save and all that. With luck, I’ll be in Canterlot for a while soon.” Although that sounds like the least lucky thing ever. “I know Cadance was considering coming to visit.”

“She was planning on coming to visit,” Mimeo said. “She was just waiting for a time.”

“Fleur’s stupid pageant is coming soon. I’ll defs need to be in Canterlot for it. That might be a good time. You could all come and watch me debase myself and suffer.”

“That does sound fun, actually,” Mimeo replied, finally grinning.

“I’ll make sure to have Rarity make you and Ganger plenty of dresses, too. That way you two can also play dress up with me and Taya!”

“That sounds a lot less fun, for some reason…”

“Well, I’m sure we’ll figure something out when we get together again. For now, we gotta jet. I would hug you both, but you’re all wet and soapy.”

“You can hug us anyway!” Taya said. “C’mon, at least a boop! I need it, mommy!”

Talk about creepy. “I can do a boop,” I said, reaching over to poke her on the nose. She tried sniffing, but couldn’t smell anything with her inferior nose. Before Mimeo could pretend he didn’t want one, I booped him as well. “Now, we’re heading out. Taya, head to the ship when you’re ready.”

“Okay, mommy…”

“And I’ll hopefully see all of you again soon,” I said.

“Hopefully,” Mimeo said.

“Luna?” Her horn lit up and we teleported to a random spot in the tower. Flo instantly started pointing the way and we began walking.

“So what do you think of them as humans?” Luna asked.

“I don’t like it, but I won’t take it from them.”

“That is… surprising. Did they not do it for you?”

“No, they did it for themselves. I never asked them to do it and I never wanted them to do it.”

“Hm. I thought having more of your kind around would put your mind at ease…”

“Yeah, well, you know what they say about thinking.”

“No I don’t.”

“Oh well.” We finally fell into silence.

After about a minute or so, she lowered her head. “I am grateful you defended me at the meeting, my lady. I will do my best to improve my behavior. And if you ever have any… secret desires… you might like to sate, I would always be happy to be of service.”

I tried not to think about what she was implying. “You’re my vassal, Luna. Of course I defended you.”

“I never considered that you wouldn’t. I was merely expressing my gratitude. We truly are blessed to serve a wonderful, lovely lady.”

After about another minute or so, I sighed and asked, “So what kind of secret desires do you think I have?”

“I did not say you had any. Just that if you did, I would be happy to sate them.”

“If you had to wager a guess, what secret fetish do you think I have?”

“You wear so many of them openly on your sleeve, so it would be difficult for me to think of one for you. And to be honest, I know of so few fetishes myself that I would not make the attempt.” Says the blood fetishist.

“So you call me a slut and then you refuse to answer my question. Fine, be that way.”

“I think you enjoy being treated in bed like the wonderful lovely little lady you are, especially by a stallion.”

“See, that is an answer. An acceptable answer, too. Well, maybe you’ll get to find out. Or maybe not. Who knows?” That put a small smile on her face and we finally continued in silence.

When we got there, Flo decided to tell me that walking there from the baths would have taken about thirty seconds. That kinda pissed me off, but since Twilight was already there, I knew she had to have been waiting for us. At least I had that to cheer me up.

“So, feeling better?” she asked with a smile.

Of course, that instantly killed my small cheer. “I was until you said that,” I replied. “You ready to put this matter to rest?”

“I just need one more thing.” She jumped up so she could kiss me. When she dropped down again, she giggled. “Gotta make sure you have all the luck you need!”

“I feel slightly more ready.” I walked past her and into the room with the circle on the floor. They both followed. “Luna, if you would?” Her horn lit up and we all flashed into Canterlot. “That is a much more efficient means of traveling. Screw walking through Canterlot. We’re putting one of these circles at the house.”

“What a wonderful use of magic,” Twilight sarcastically replied. “So where do you think Celestia is right now?”

“The throne room,” Luna said. “She told me to be prepared for a summons, but as far as I know, she hasn’t actually called for me. When she sees the three of us together, she might know that her time has come.”

“Aqua, how many guards in the throne room are yours?”

“All of them, today.”

“Then I say we just go for it,” I said, finally walking out of the room.

“To be honest, I am starting to feel giddy,” Luna said, actually sounding excited. “I have dreamt of this day for so long…”

“The day when we effectively murder your ex-sister?” Twilight asked.

“The day when my big sister will finally actually have to love me back!”

“And you called me depressing,” I muttered.

“I will admit, it will be nice having a truly kind Celestia,” Twilight said.

“And I’ll admit that there are better times and places to discuss it,” I said. “I’d prefer no one else finding out about this.”

“A wise idea,” Luna said before finally shutting her mouth.

“So what did you think of Taya and Eva as humans?” Twilight asked.

“I didn’t like it.”

“So. I don’t take it you’d happen to… I don’t know… understand why all that cuddling is creepy now, do you?”

“I’m sorry your mother didn’t love you enough to snuggle,” I said. “You don’t have to take that out on Taya, though.” She snorted. “That said… She may be a little… older than I expected… Older and… developed.” Though part of that might be the weird spell.

“So no more bellyrubs, huh?” Twilight said.

“That wouldn’t be fair. If I cut Taya off, I’d have to cut everybody off.”

“You stay away from my bellyrubs!” Luna said, slapping a hoof on the floor.

“Right, of course. I could never give them up. But come on, Nav. Your little daughter-pet?!”

“I blame Aqua and Gilda. I think it’s just as creepy.”

“Once, a part of me wondered why anyone would like tummy rubs or ear scritches,” Luna said. “But now I have seen the light. Perhaps being a vassal-pet would not be so bad…”

“Daughter-pets don’t get leashes and collars,” I said. “Vassal-pets might.”

“Well… Perhaps visual proof of my submissiveness is called for… As long as it’s you holding the leash, I know I will never be mistreated!”

“I think that would be a great idea!” Twilight said, suddenly seeming very upbeat. “Perhaps we should get her a uniform, too! One that shows off her oh-so submissive nature…”

“Don’t make this perverted,” I said. “If you want to do anything lewd with Luna, I’m sure all you have to do is ask. But don’t go dragging me into it, at least not without asking first.”

“That’s what I was doing,” she said. “But fine, then. No uniform…”

“What would you like my leash to be made of, my lady?” Luna sweetly asked.

“So you went from seeing the appeal of being a vassal-pet to deciding to be one in the course of, like, a minute?”

“...When you mentioned wanting to leash me, I assumed I had your blessing. Is that not the case?”

“It’s not,” I said. “That was a joke.” They both sighed in disappointment. They’re both equally creepy. That’s kinda sad.

Finally, we got to the great golden doors. There was a pretty short line to see her. I knew I could get away with cutting in line, but that would have been rude. Instead, we queued up behind everyone. Of course, when everyone finally realized who was standing there, they all decided they didn’t really need to see Celestia that urgently anyway. Each one of them fucked right off, putting us first in line.

“My heart is pounding,” Twilight whispered, shivering slightly.

“Relax, Twiggles,” I said, putting my wonderful hands to use on one of her ears. “It’ll all be over soon.”

“I know, Nav… I’m just nervous, though I know I have no reason to be.”

“Of course you have reason to be,” Luna said. “My sister is capable of many things. Never underestimate her.”

“Can someone teleport in a camera?” I asked. “I’ll want to take a few pictures when we get in there.”

“Of course,” Twilight said, bringing one in. “But we’ll need to burn the pictures later, just in case.”

“Makes sense. Everything’s gonna be groovy, Twilight,” I said. The great doors finally opened and the chief maid hurried out. She was going so quickly that she didn’t even notice us. “I guess we’re up next. You ready?”

“Of course,” Luna said.

“...I’m ready,” Twilight finally said.

“Then let’s do it.” The three of us finally walked through the golden doors.