Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Tp52vfOLGNwsqiymkRnEn_MUwwOglFKa5QdOusH9-T0/edit

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My daughter and I woke up at the same time, as is our nature. As soon as I realized we were both up, I leaned forward and kissed her on the nose. She giggled and nuzzled me back. Shit was cash money.

When I rolled over to start trying to scootch out of bed, I saw Kat sitting in my desk chair, staring dead at me with her creepy kitty eyes. “Good morning, my ladies,” she happily said when she realized she had been seen. “Would you like me to fetch you breakfast?”

“No. You know you have your own room, right?”

“I know. That’s where I spent most of the night! I just came in here before you woke up so I could offer you breakfast.” Well, I guess you wasted your time. By the time I made it off the bed, Kat got to a dresser and started digging through it. “So what are our plans for the day, my lady?”

“I need to make sure Luna obeyed an order, visit Athena to ask permission for something, go to my house near Ponyville, and then go back to Athena’s place to have Twilight put me in a coma.”

“Twilight actually gave me Athena’s book last night,” Kat said as she handed me an outfit. It was a decent skirt and blouse combo that I easily slid into. Since it was chilly, I also grabbed some long stockings and gloves.

“So where is it?” I asked.

“I put it in one of your desk drawers.” She walked back over and quickly pulled it out. “Would you like to go now or wait until you speak to Luna?”

“Now is fine,” I said, taking it from her. “I’ll hopefully be back soon.”

“Can I go with you?” Taya asked.

“Why?”

“So Hera can give me another belly rub!”

“Then no. Your belly is mine.” I opened the book before she could reply and got sucked in. I had just a moment to look around before appearing in a comfy armchair next to Athena and Hera, who seemed to be having a staring contest. I’m not sure if it counted since Hera was looking through a veil, but her eyes were extra golden today. “Good morning, ladies,” I warmly said.

That broke the stalemate and both looked my way, seeming much happier. “Welcome back, Nav,” Athena said.

“Did you bring me any pets this time?” Hera asked.

“Athena told me I couldn’t, so no.”

“Why are you obeying her and not me?!”

“Because it is my book,” Athena said.

“It’s our book! I live here too!”

“Is now a bad time?” I asked. “I can come back later.”

“It’s the perfect time,” Athena said. “Remind her of how I graciously allowed her to live here after rescuing her from an almost eternal solitude.”

“Hey Hera, remember that time Athena—”

“No. I remember the time you found my book and brought it to Athena, and then helped me convince her to allow me to stay with her! I also remember how reluctant she seemed to help her dear friend Hera!”

“I think this might be a bad time,” I said. “I should—”

“Don’t you move a muscle!” Hera hissed, eyes flashing. I decided not to move a muscle.

“We should not involve Navarone in our squabbles,” Athena said. “That is not why she is here.”

“Who cares why she’s here?” Hera said. “She won’t even worship us!”

“Well I mean, you won’t worship me,” I said. “It’s hardly a fair bargain.”

“Why would I ever worship something Discord created?” she asked. “Ugh, you remind me more and more of Eris every time I see you!” That actually made me flinch and look away.

“...Is something the matter?” Athena asked.

“Discord came to me yesterday,” I quietly said. “And he told me he was slowly changing my body to make me look more like his, and that when it was complete, I would become his wife, Eris, for eternity. The only way to free myself is to get a soul…”

“You should kill yourself,” Hera helpfully suggested.

“He won’t let me. And there’s more. He offered to make me a man again if I gave him your book.”

Athena’s bony hands gripped the armrest of her chair so hard it sounded like they cracked. “And what did you tell him?”

“I told him no, obviously. There is no price he could pay that would ever make me give up another human, especially not two friends.”

“Wise. No prize from Discord comes without a price of its own, as I’m sure you’ve realized by now.”

“Oh yeah. And it kinda brings me to why I’m here this morning. I spoke about putting myself in a coma before and cutting off all my offending body parts so they could grow back. You offered to let me do it here.”

“I did. That offer is still on the table. Hera and I can ensure your limbs grow back with no meddling.”

“Good. I’d like to do it later today, in a few hours.”

“Plenty of time,” Hera said with a nod. “I can draw up a quick and easy circle of regeneration for you. It’ll kick your body’s healing into overdrive.”

“And I can brew up a few tinctures that we can rub on the growing areas to increase their strength,” Athena said. “I can also make a few magical bandages. We should have your body whole again within a few days.”

“What manner of mental coma is this, exactly?” Hera asked. “I know a few other things that might help, depending on what you’ll be doing.”

“It’s supposed to make you confront your inner self,” I said. “It’s for minds that have been ripped asunder by magic, curses, or elementals. With luck, I can undo all the damage that’s been done to me and restore some kind of balance in my mind.”

“Then yes, I do know another useful circle,” Hera said with a nod. “It’s a mental stimulator that increases the rate at which you think.”

“And I have another,” Athena said. “A time spell. Things within the circle will be sped up in time, essentially. One day to us will feel like a day and a half to you.”

“Wow. All of that sounds extremely useful,” I said. “Thanks, both of you.”

“Any support we can give to another human is worth it,” Athena said. “Especially one in such an awful circumstance as yours.”

“I’ll do anything to spite that owner of yours,” Hera said. “After driving us to exile within these awful tombs, he destroyed everything we strove to build!”

“So how is the world?” Athena asked me. Hera rolled her eyes and yawned.

“Things are moving for the first time in a long time,” I said.

“How so?” she asked. “I know last time you were here, you mentioned gaining control of Celestia.”

“At the summit, we voted to brainwash Celestia into being the perfect princess. It’s finally done and now she’s both mentally and physically under our control.”

Athena slowly walked forward and magically yanked me out of the chair to hug me. “Masterfully done, my friend,” she quietly said while patting my back.

Aqua finally sighed and said, “Hug her back, Nav.” I hugged Athena back. Aqua kept her fucking mouth shut about it.

“You have learned that power means controlling, not killing,” Athena continued. “To become great, you must control the most powerful things. For me, that means golems, a dungeon of pets, and a fully contained dimension built to my exact design. For you, it means a powerful pet, her huge nation, and surely enough military strength to make you the global leader in the world.”

After a few seconds, my arms fell and she let me go. I fell back into my seat silently. “I’ve been looking forward to taking advantage of all of those.”

That made Hera burst into giggles and she finally sat up. “You’re so cute, Navi! And now you’re suddenly a lot more intriguing…” She slowly got to her feet and began walking my way. The little smile on her face made me feel very uncomfortable. I tried to get up so I could back away, but her eyes suddenly flashed right through her veil and I fell back into the chair.

As she got closer to me, she spread out her arms in a very welcoming pose. Once she was right in front of me, her eyes lit up brighter and my body moved into a more comfortable position. The instant I was to her liking, she fell into my lap and wrapped herself around me.

“...This is not good,” Aqua said.

“You’re very comfortable,” I said. “Squishy in all the right places.”

“I’m glad you approve. With some work, you could be a wonderful pet chimera. Wouldn’t you like to serve me instead, Navi?”

“Honestly? Not really.” I reached around behind her and grabbed her hips, pulling her closer. “Though I wouldn’t be opposed to cuddling some more.”

“Ooooh, that sounds fun!” she giggled as one of her hands gripped the bottom of her veil. “I’ll have to remember that when you’re mine forever.”

Before she could lift the veil, Athena loudly said, “Hera!”

Hera’s hand dropped and she slid around to drape herself over my lap. “What? I promise to share her!”

“She has earned the right to free passage. You may not control her or any who have passed through the gate.”

“Even Navi’s cute little filly?!”

“Only if she consents. That is the rule, Hera. You may suggest punishments for intruders and I would be happy to discuss them with you. But you always seem to forget that this is my home.”

“I have an idea!” Hera said. “Nav can earn the right to free passage from me by fighting her way through the maze again. This time, I will be in charge. When she loses, she becomes my new slave!”

“And if I refuse?” I asked. “I really don’t want to be your enemy. I also don’t want to be your slave, no offense.”

“Well who cares what you want?” Hera asked, shifting around in my lap. “If Discord created you, you’re probably better off working for me instead anyway!”

“It is Nav’s right to refuse,” Athena replied. “She has already earned safe passage. All you seek to do is enslave her. Now stop trying to get attention and let Nav continue.”

“You never let me have anything nice!” Hera shouted.

“That is objectively false. Now get off Nav’s lap.” I actually don’t mind if she stays.

But since I knew saying that would likely be unwise, I chose to keep my mouth shut as the two goddesses had another glaring contest. When Hera got bored of it, she actually snuggled up tighter to me. “I think she’s comfy. If I ever enslave you, I think I’ll make you my cuddle partner!”

“Please don’t enslave me. But if you do, I could live with being your cuddler, as long as you wash any blood off first.”

Athena snorted. “Hera is only dangerous to those who earn her ire. As long as you never make her jealous, insult her, attack her honor, and do whatever she asks, no matter how ridiculous and demanding it might seem, she’ll be sweet as you please. But the instant you provoke her, you’ll regret it.”

“Basically,” Hera said, tracing a finger around my belly-button. She finally booped it and looked up at me, her golden eyes glowing straight through the veil. “But Navi is obedient. Aren’t you, Navi?”

“Only in the bedroom, usually,” I said. “But being a dom can be fun, too. Now, I would be willing to help either of you if I thought what you were asking for was reasonable. I think that’s fair.”

“Well, I want your daughter as my pet,” Hera said.

“No you don’t,” I said. “Trust me. She may look cute and innocent, but it’s an act. She’s a monster in the body of a filly.”

“Well, of course she’s a monster,” Hera said, giggling. “She’s a unicorn! They aren’t like us, Navi! That’s why you have to tame them.” She finally sighed and looked over to Athena. “Does she not understand this?”

“Apparently she has not realized it yet,” Athena said. “Though to be fair, it could be different in this cycle, since they were man-made.”

“Of course they’re the same!” Hera said. “Just look at the last batch! The only difference is that they could talk!”

“What am I missing here?” I asked. “Because no, I don’t understand. Are you saying the other races are actually different?”

“Of course they’re different, Nav,” Athena said. “How can you not tell it just by living among them? Each of those creatures is at least partially fae. They are monsters, through and through. I think the reason they can speak in these cycles is the dream machine Nav has spoken of. Dreams are a type of magical semi-shared consciousness. It allows a group to grow more intelligent as they subconsciously communicate.”

“That seems… complex,” I slowly said.

“It’s such a bore,” Hera said. “Get to the point!”

“Since they are part animal, they go through hormonal cycles where their behavior alters considerably. Since they are part fae, their emotions glow brightly. To them, you would be like a muted candle. Humans can hide their emotions quite easily, so it is easy for us to stay calm. Fae sway in emotions so quickly and feel them so powerfully that they are eternally unpredictable. Because of this, their abilities can vary wildly depending on their mood.”

“That… all fits exactly with what I’ve seen. I understand so much now.”

“There’s more,” Athena continued. “All fae are attracted to two things: humans and oddities. The fact that you were both has likely caused a huge number of the issues you have faced.”

“It sure fucking has!”

“Complete and utter animals,” Hera said. “Fae are the worst!”

“Not entirely true,” I said. “They absolutely have their issues, every single one of them. But I’ve seen good in every race I’ve found. That said, even the good ones can flip shit on the drop of a dime and be almost completely different people.”

“They aren’t people, Nav,” Hera said. “What about this aren’t you getting?”

“I get it. It’s just a lot more convenient to use a catch-all word to refer to them. People is shorter than half-fae, half-animals.”

“It astounds me that you never came to this conclusion,” Athena said.

“How was I supposed to know any of these creatures were ever real?” I asked. “They were all just legends when I come from. Same for the two of you.”

“What kind of legends were there about me?” Hera sweetly asked.

“Mostly horrifying ones about you taking revenge on all the women Zeus cheated on you with. I don’t really know much about mythology.”

“I have several books here about it,” Athena said. “The legends pale in comparison to our true deeds, but it’s interesting to see what was passed down and what was not.”

“...It disappoints me that legends of my husband’s infidelity spread so far,” Hera said, snuggling up closer to me. “You would be loyal to me, wouldn’t you?”

“I would be absolutely terrified of what would happen if I ever betrayed your trust, so yes. That said, I have a massive sexual appetite, so you’d have to put out a lot.”

“It was just a rhetorical question, silly,” she said. “I could not bear your children, after all.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.

“Don’t go down that rabbit hole,” Athena said. “Trust me, it won’t lead anywhere nice.”

That seemed like a decent suggestion. “So do you want me to bring anything when I come back later?” I asked. “It’s currently winter out, so there isn’t too much fresh fruit available. I could bring some jam or something.”

“Surprise us,” Athena said. “But something sweet would definitely be nice.”

“Blueberry wine would be lovely,” Hera said, starting to play with my feathery wing.

“The half-fae, half-animals of the future aren’t too strong on alcohol, unfortunately,” I said. “Your options are mead or applejack, and I don’t have much of either on hand.”

“Ugh, the future is awful.”

“Why do you wear a veil?” I asked.

“Would you like to see my face?” she sweetly asked, finally pulling away enough to look down at me.

“Only if it doesn’t somehow automatically turn me into your slave or something. But if you’re willing to just show me your face, why wear the veil at all?”

“Two reasons. First, to keep the unworthy from seeing the face of a goddess. Second, for fashion. And no, I would only enslave you if I tried.”

“But you still don’t want to show Nav your face,” Athena said. “Remember, she used to be male and she still has a male’s desires. It’s probable she would instantly fall in love.”

“Good, then I can use it against her.” Before either of us could reply, Hera’s veil disappeared, revealing an absolutely gorgeous face with bright golden eyes. “Revel in my beauty, Navi!”

“Yeah, I would definitely make you squirt all over my face,” I said with a nod. “You’re an easy ten out of ten.”

“I am not familiar with this… squirting,” Hera said. “What does it mean?”

“Man, Zeus must have been an awful lover. You know when a woman cums hard enough, a lot of fluids can shoot out?” Her pretty eyes widened and she actually blushed. “That’s called squirting. I’m really good at getting chicks to do it with my tongue and fingers.” Every word made the blush sink further and further. “There have been some cases where I made them orgasm so hard and so many times that their legs didn’t work for several minutes afterwards.” Hera actually seemed utterly speechless for once, so I looked over to Athena. “Was lesbianism not a thing back in Greece?”

“It wasn’t all too large. Men were often encouraged to take male lovers, including some several years their junior. Women were not.”

“That’s a shame. I’ve learned more about how to please a woman’s body in my own time as a woman than I ever did as a dude. I can make most cum in less than five minutes. But I guess you aren’t interested in chicks, so I’ll drop it.”

“Zeus has been my one and only partner…” Hera whispered. “He was… not attentive to my desires…”

“What an asshole.”

“You must remember, Nav has lived among the half-animals for a very long time,” Athena said. “In the absence of humans, she turned to them for her needs. Due to their nature, they were naturally drawn to her. Due to their hormones, they were naturally attracted to her. She has told me some of the stories of her time here and they are horrific.”

“Yeah, I’m hypersexual for a reason. Sorry if it bothers you. Now that I know you’re not interested, I’ll do my best to stop.”

“So what else is happening in the world?” Athena asked. Hera sighed and fell back down onto me. I felt her fingers go into my hair and start playing with it.

“I don’t remember if I told you, but the Dragon King Pyrite’s insanity was cured. Turns out it was being caused by a fire elemental. That dude is utterly enormous. His batshit crazy mother adopted me, so he’s technically my brother now.”

“I hate dragons,” Hera said. “You should do your best to kill them all.”

“Have you had any word from Arachne?” Athena asked.

“Apparently Discord visited her recently to pinch her cheeks. I don’t know any more, though. I was planning on going back and trying to speak with her eventually.”

“Let me know if you do. I will give you a few things to ensure you survive the attempt.”

“Cool. I don’t think I have any more news in which you’d be interested.”

“Hm. Well, we will need time to prepare for your coming visit,” Athena said.

“Then I’ll get out of your hair,” I said. “Assuming Hera would be fine with getting out of mine.”

“Almost done,” she said. I hadn’t realized it, but apparently her hands were moving with purpose. I hadn’t actually done anything with my hair after I woke up, so it was kinda all over the place. When she finished, it was done up. I couldn’t really tell what she did, though. “There!”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Always happy to help,” she said, pulling back so she could kiss me on the cheek. “Farewell for now, Navi!” Just like that, I appeared in front of the book. I opened it up and got kicked out into the real world.

Surprisingly enough, I ended up in bed with Luna. When I looked around, I discovered that it was definitely my room. “...So why are you in my bed?” I asked.

“I wanted to see how comfortable it was,” she replied, making no attempt to move. “Kat gave me the book and told me that you wanted to see me.”

“Did you finish your assignment?”

“Ah. Yes. I may have… cheated a little, but yes.”

“How did you cheat?” I asked.

“I asked for advice.”

“Well, what did you come up with? Why shouldn’t I allow you to wear a collar?”

“I have determined that some might construe it as a sexual thing. It is… not something that occured to me. I was unaware that some found it… enjoyable in that way.”

“Can you think of any other reasons, or is that it?”

“That is all I could think of.”

“Very well. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help with a problem, but you need to be able to apply the advice you get to other problems in the future. Did you finish your gift?”

“I did.” Her horn lit up and a beautiful emerald necklace appeared on the bed. It had three gemstones on it, two smaller ones to the side and a large one in the middle. All of them were swirling with some poor bastard’s soul. Very intricate runes were carved all over it. “For your inspection.”

“It’s pretty,” I said. “What does it do?”

“The two smaller gems are linked into a shield rune. They power a shield around the flesh of whoever is wearing it. The larger gem fuels a blink rune. It will allow the wearer to mark a location and teleport back using code words, within about fifty meters.”

“They both sound very useful. Anything else?”

“That is all,” she said.

“It’s approved. You can give it to whoever.”

“Good.” She placed a hoof on it and pushed it across the bed. “I forged you a gift, my lady.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that.” I didn’t really need to be lugging around a huge ‘steal me’ sign all day, but I did want to try it on to make her feel better. That in mind, I grabbed it and placed it around my neck. The cool metal settled heavily on me and I felt a small surge of energy coming from my chest. “That was interesting.”

“The shield is a passive effect,” she said. “If something tries to pierce your skin, it will react. Otherwise, it should stay down.”

“So what are these code words?” I asked.

“Mark and recall.”

“Nice.”

“Kat also asked me to inform you that breakfast should be ready fairly soon.”

“I thought I told her I wasn’t eating.”

“You told her that you didn’t want food brought to you. I suppose she assumed that meant you wanted to eat with the others.”

Of course she did. “Well, what are your plans for the day?” I asked.

“In the absence of other orders, I planned to return to the bunker. Watcher allowed most of his troops to return for a short break, so they likely need ponypower.”

“Go for it.” She didn’t move, though. “Unless there’s something else you needed.”

“Are you sure it is wise to have your coma in this book?”

“It’s not wise to have the coma at all. I don’t see any reason not to compound the retardation. I’ve already made arrangements with Athena and Hera. This is happening.”

“I would never think to stand in your way, of course. I just think my sister was hoping to be the one to look after you.”

“She couldn’t stop Discord from doing anything to me. I feel like Athena and Hera might stand a better chance, assuming he’d even be able to get to me. I also have other reasons.”

“...I would like to meet these two.”

“Well, I was just in there. I don’t really want to go back at the moment, so—” Her horn lit up and she grabbed the book with magic, floating it over. Before I could do anything, it opened, sucking her inside.

“Wow. Well, it’s out of my hands now.” I hopped off the bed and walked over to my desk, removing the necklace as I went. The gene-locked box was under there, so I slid it out and popped it open. When I rearranged some stuff for enough space, I set the necklace down and sealed the box back, then kicked it under the desk.

That done, I found some shoes and started walking downstairs. The sun room had the normal assortment of people. A few guards looked up at me from a couple of tables and smiled. Some of them called out their various good morning phrases and I shot mine back.

At another table, Doppel was sitting in Spike’s lap, feeding him with a weird smile on her face. That one was kinda out there, but it wasn’t too uncommon.

Jak, Watcher, and Sentinel were all sitting in one of the corners, talking conspiratorially and sending furtive glances my way. That bore looking into, but it wasn’t what really got my focus.

The table I decided to walk up to was one right next to the window, where Silver Quill was sitting alone. The entire table was covered in paperwork, but her eyes were staring straight out the window. For some reason, that just caught my attention.

I walked up to her and she didn’t look up. After a second or two of standing there, I put a hand on her shoulder. She jumped in shock. “Good morning,” I said.

“I… I… Good morning, my lady…”

I pulled out the seat next to her and sat. “How you feelin’?”

“Uhhh… Good. I’m good.” She looked back down at her notes and lifted a pen with magic. “I just um… I just need to rest my eyes sometimes, you know…”

“Right. Listen… Well, we’ll start with this. How’d your vacation go?”

Her ears flopped down. “It was… good. How about yours, my lady?”

“I had a lot of fun.”

“Fun, right! Me too.” She quietly sighed and muttered, “Me too…”

“So… What did you do on your vacation?”

“I uh… Um… You know, I don’t want you to think about my time, my lady. That wouldn’t be… proper?”

“Maybe not for a lady, but it would be for a friend.”

“I… my lady, I…”

“Silver, I can be both.” She softly sniffled.

Before she could start crying, I patted her on the arm. “Let’s get you some fresh air.”

She sniffled again. “But I need to… There’s so much work left and—”

“Come on. Please.”

“As… as you wish, my lady.”

“Right now, it’s, ‘As you wish, Navarone.’” She didn’t reply, but still followed me outside. It was incredibly cold and I almost immediately regretted my decision, but her horn lit up and I suddenly felt warm. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome… Navarone.” We started walking toward the fountain. Despite the chilly air, the rainbow liquid was still going.

“So tell me about your vacation, Silver.”

“Well… I didn’t take one.”

“Uh… huh. Why not?”

“It’s just… Well… there’s so much work left! I don’t want to let you down…”

“Silver, I don’t know how much more bluntly I need to put this. You are doing an incredible job.” She stopped in her tracks. “I am very impressed. You are extremely good at what you do.”

“…Thank you, my lady.”

“But as your friend, I’m worried about you.”

“What do you mean, my lady? Everything’s just… peachy!”

“Silver, don’t lie to me. You’re really bad at it. Something’s wrong. Now, you have two choices. Choice one, you can woman up and tell me what’s wrong. Choice two, we’re going back inside and I’m hugging you and maybe rubbing your belly until you tell me.”

“That was… the weirdest threat I’ve ever been given. And I was a slave to an evil dictator for a while!”

“Thanks, I try. Now what’s it gonna be?”

“…Would you pet my mane?”

“Absolutely. I might even call you my little Silvy.”

She shuddered in horror. Or maybe repressed desire. Who am I to judge? “Fine. Fine, we’ll do it the easy way.”

“You sure?” I sweetly asked. “You look like you could use a hug, Silvy.”

“I surrender. You win.”

“Good. Now get on with it.” I continued walking to the fountain because it looked better than standing in a pit of snow. Thankfully, she followed, though she kept her eyes to the ground. When we finally got there, I cleared out a spot on the fountain’s side and sat. I immediately regretted that decision when the leftover snow melted right through my skirt and into my panties, making my pink clam nice and icy. I did my best to bear that stoically. She still wasn’t looking up at me. “Silver, what’s wrong?”

“I just… don’t know how to please you! You always seem happy with everything I do, but you never say I do anything wrong! How can I serve you better when I don’t know how to earn your approval? I just… I just wanna…”

“Just wanna… what, Silver? You can tell me anything. I want you to be happy here.”

“I just wanna earn your respect!” she finally blurted.

“Silver… You’ve had my respect ever since you escaped with me. Ever since then, I’ve seen you barreling past several obstacles I’ve encountered on my own like they were nothing. You were able to get over what happened while you were there like it was nothing, or so you made it seem. It’s taken me this long to start getting over stuff that happened years ago. You were able to face your attacker the moment you had the chance, instead of running and hiding like I did. And then, despite trying desperately to prove yourself to me, you still managed to get an incredible amount of work done. But I’m starting to see you struggle with one thing I’m still fighting against. And I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“And… what is that?”

“You spend a lot of time worrying about how others feel about you. How much time do you spend worrying about how you feel about you?”

“I… I don’t understand…”

“How do you feel about yourself, Silver? Are you happy? Or are you constantly anxious, always worrying about how others feel about you?”

“Well…”

“We’re in hard truth time now, Silver,” I said. “Come on, out with it.”

“You’re just… so good at everything! Everything you touch turns to gold! I’ve heard about what you’ve done for everybody else on the crew and I just wanna be like them too! I want you to change me, but you like me just how I am!”

“That’s not true at all,” I said, crossing my arms.

“But you just said—”

“I just said that you were a great little drone,” I said. “I just said that all of your working skills are amazing. But you as a person… You’re lacking. You’re trying to be like me because you don’t know who you are. You’re focusing on who you could be, or who you want to be, instead of who you are. There’s no magic trick, Silver. I can’t wave a wand and make you better overnight. You have to decide what better means to you, first. Once you get there, I can guide you as best I can.”

“But I… how can I know what’s right?”

“Explore. That’s what I’m doing. See what feels right. Don’t do anything stupid, of course, but try new things. See how you like different hobbies. Decide how you feel about certain things. Maybe make a few new friends or pick up a hunky boyfriend. If you want, I can hire you a cute, single stallion as an assistant.”

She blushed bright red, of course. “I… I don’t know what to say…”

“Sounds like a pretty good place to begin right there, Silver. Do you want to keep being a perfect little worker drone, or do you want to be Silver Quill?”

“You… you make it sound like that’s a choice!”

“Trying new things can be hard,” I said with a shrug. “But I know your secret, Silver.”

Her blush traveled even further down her neck. “W-what?”

“I know you’re braver than you think. I think you’re really strong, you’re just afraid to show it.”

“I… don’t understand. Again.”

I grinned and said, “Being a happy person takes guts, Silver. You gotta be incredibly brave, or you’ll falter and fall back into old habits. But I know you can do it.”

She looked away for a few long seconds before nodding. “…I get it now.”

“Get what?”

“Well… One day, I tried talking to Kat and Doppel about you. They got to talking about how you… I guess build ponies up! I couldn’t understand what they meant, then. I thought you would mold me into the perfect shape. I… I never once thought you’d want me to be who I want to be!”

God dammit, not this again. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Silver. Now, first thing’s first, you’re taking a vacation. No excuses, that’s mandatory. You’re gonna go somewhere out of town and just have fun. Don’t think about work, don’t think about me. Just think about what you want to do.

“I… I think I can do that.”

“Good. Now, shall we head back?”

“…Yeah. We should.” I hopped off the cold, wet fountain side and started walking back. She turned to follow me but didn’t take a step. “Nav, I…” I turned back to face her and realized how close we were still standing. “I… you…” I walked in closer and knelt down to hug her. She flinched back but didn’t pull away.

Finally, after what felt like forever, she hugged me back.

As soon as she did, something plowed into the snow next to us. “Release her, monster!” Cutie Dream cried. She was holding… a squirrel. Before either of us could move, she threw the squirrel at me. “Sic her!”

The poor squirrel looked just as confused as I was. He caught onto my blouse and I recoiled, but then he just stopped. After a few seconds of inaction, he shot up into my hair and seemed to huddle in fear around the back of my neck. That felt weird, but the more pressing concern at the moment was the insane pegasus before us.

Once I was away from Silver, Cutie shot a hoof out toward Silver, who thankfully jumped back. “Come with me if you want to live!” Cutie shouted, grinning victoriously.

“Bitch, I have had it up to here with your shit!” I yelled, taking a step forward and lifting one of my hands above my head to show off my point. She firmly held her stance, but turned her eyes to glare at me. “Silver Quill is a strong, independent white mare who don’t need no marefriend! So back your color clashing ass the fuck up off my lawn, you psychotic bitch!”

“You liar! She needs me! You’re just keeping her hostage ‘cause you’re evil!”

“I guess there’s not really that much going on up there in your noggin, huh?” I sarcastically asked.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“That you’re a fucking idiot! Now get the hell off my lawn before I throw you off!”

She gasped. “Are you threatening me?!”

I menacingly popped my knuckles. She squared up to me and lifted her wings, ready to attack. Before I could whoop some ass, Silver grew some balls and stepped forward. “She’s right, I am a strong, independent mare. And I don’t need her to handle you for me.”

Cutie jumped forward and grabbed one of Silver’s hooves and happily said, “Then come on, Silvy, let’s go!”

Silver just stood there for a moment before shaking her head and jerking her hoof away so she could back up next to me. “I’m not going anywhere with a moronic, psychopathic, monstrous… Ugh, stupid little pony like you!”

Cutie stood there in silence for a few long seconds before blinking. “Sorry, what? I was too busy thinking up your wedding dress design. I think it’s gonna be low cut with nothing underneath so I can get a good look at you the whole time.” Neither of us had anything to really say to that. Silver looked to me for direction and I honestly blanked and just shrugged at her. “Now come on! We have so many kisses to make up!”

“…Get off my lawn,” Silver said.

“But… I wanna take you to our lawn!”

“I’ve found my lawn,” Silver said. “This is it, and you’re not welcome here.”

“I know, that’s what I’m saying! We need to go so you can be on my lawn, where I am welcome! Then we can finally be together!”

“I don’t want to be with you!”

“Well, yeah! But you need to be with me.” This is honestly kinda sad. “I’m just trying to do what’s best for you, Silvy. That thing is just trying to keep you under it and you’re falling for its lies! Fight it, Silvy! Fight it and marry me!”

Silver Quill finally sighed and looked at me. I nodded and said, “It’s time to be mean.”

“Right!” Cutie said. “Be mean to it! Between the two of us and my secret squirrel weapon, we can take that thing down!”

“Mean it is,” Silver said with a shrug. Her eyes turned back to Cutie and she started being mean. “I hate you. You’re repulsive. You’re a beast of a mare! I wish I had never met you. You don’t have a single redeeming quality. You’re psychotic and stupid and you need to… you need to buck right off!”

Cutie stared in silence for a few seconds before looking at me for a moment. Her gaze quickly moved back to her lady love. “That’s… kinda funny there, honey,” Cutie said. “You were looking at me when you said all those hurtful things about your ex-mistress.”

“That’s because I was talking to you. You are all of those hurtful things.”

Cutie stared at her in abject shock for a few seconds before one of her eyes twitched and she grinned. “I don’t know what you mean, Silvy. You can’t think all that about me! You need me!”

“No, I don’t. I don’t need you and I don’t want you. I just want you to go away and leave me alone!”

The silence went on for several long seconds before Cutie finally erupted into tears. “How could you do this to me, Silvy?!”

“Have you been listening to a thing I said?” Silver asked. “I’ve explained how I can do this to you in pretty good detail! I don’t need you and I don’t want you!”

Cutie finally wiped her tears away and glared at her betrayer. “You know what this means, right?”

“That you finally go the buck away?” Silver asked.

“No. If I can’t have you, no one can! Squirrel, go!” The squirrel was asleep by that point and completely ignored her.

When nothing happened after several long seconds, I slowly said, “You need to leave.” She finally flapped her wings and flung herself at me, holding both of her hooves out in front of her.

Before she could get halfway to me, Aqua shot in and tackled her. She completely absorbed Cutie before morphing to her pony body and making her stop in place. The mare’s face went from angry to horrified before settling on blank. Her completely blue eyes stared at us emotionlessly for a second before the mare’s face twitched and finally grinned. “I made a new friend, my lady,” Aqua said through Cutie’s mouth. It came out distorted because of the water. Aqua finally pulled away from the mare’s face, though she kept two tendrils in her ears.

“That is so creepy,” Silver muttered, finally pressing against my side.

“I know!” Aqua said. “This mare’s mind is horrifically muddled! I can’t believe Celestia did this to her.”

“Wait, what?” I asked.

“Well, she’s been working to ruin your reputation for a while,” Aqua said. “Celestia muddled this mare’s mind. The reason these houses were on the market is because they’re cursed. All the nobles know about it because they keep up with news, but no outsiders would. Normally the mare would have warned any potential buyers that the houses were haunted, but with the curse on her mind, she couldn’t. She did her best to fight against it. All of her odd behaviors were warnings as she sought to free herself from Celestia’s control.”

“...I don’t get it,” I said. “How the hell did Celestia even do that?”

“Now that I know what to look for… Ah. A mix of dark magic and voodoo. The dark magic allows someone to befuddle a mind, making someone seem like a ranting maniac. If used correctly, it can often lead to the cursed subject being placed in an asylum. The voodoo doll Celestia made allowed her to control Cutie Dream manually. If you combine them both, the doll can be placed on autopilot. To outsiders, the mare would seem to grow more and more insane. In her own mind, she was fighting a losing battle against a magical psychosis.”

I leaned back and crossed my arms. “You know what, I’m honestly glad we decided to erase Celestia. It was about fucking time. So why didn’t you tell us about this sooner?”

Cutie’s body shrugged. “There were more pressing things on my mind.”

“And you didn’t think saving someone Celestia fucked with was important?” I asked.

“This random peon?” she asked. “Not in the grand scheme of things, no. There’s so much in Celestia’s mind that I honestly didn’t even think to look further into it. But look, she’s safe now! Isn’t that what matters?”

“You’re the worst elemental ever.”

Aqua turned bright pink. “Do I not serve you well, my lady?”

“Stop being fucking creepy! I know you’re doing it on purpose!”

She gasped in horror. “I would never do that, mistress! I live to serve you and only you!”

“I hate you so much,” I sighed, shaking my head. “Now who is this mare?”

“Well, her name actually is Cutie Dream. She’s actually light yellow with a pale red mane. I… don’t think you would like to meet her.”

“Why?” I asked.

“She’s very dramatic. It would turn this into a scene as she broke down thanking us. Well… me. You were about to kill her.”

“Yeah, yeah," I said. “So, does she know that Celestia did this to her? And how much of the last few months will she remember?”

“No and all of it. All she’ll know is that her mind was distorted.”

“It should probably stay that way. Now, I’m going to go get breakfast,” I said. “I’m going to let you two deal with this.”

“What?! Why me?!” Silver demanded.

“Because I don’t wanna. Have fun.” I started walking off before they could complain. “You can release Cutie when I get inside.”

“Will do,” Aqua replied.

The instant I got inside, Kat latched onto my arm and started guiding me toward the table where Taya was now sitting. Apparently Kat had taken the time to put Taya’s hair up in cute little pigtails. “So what did Athena say?” Kat asked.

“That I was welcome to do it there, along with a bunch of other very useful information.”

“Anything you want to share?” my little filly asked.

“No.” Kat pulled a seat out next to my filly. I started to walk to her other side to pull my own chair out, but Taya used magic to pick me up and place me in the seat. “Why do you people do this to me?”

“And why do you try to ignore our kindness?” Kat asked before kissing me on the cheek. “Wait… Is that a squirrel?”

“Oh shit, I forgot. It is a squirrel. That crazy bitch threw it at me and it just fell asleep in my hair.”

Kat snatched the rodent and cracked its neck before it could try to move. “I’ll let Spider know you brought him breakfast,” she said, carrying the poor thing away.

“So what’s for our breakfast?” I asked.

“Muffins,” my daughter replied. “And then I suppose we’re going to Ponyville?”

“We’re going to our house out there. I was hoping to catch Lyra or Bon-Bon before they left for the day, but then I got forced into eating breakfast.”

“Muffins are good for you, mommy. Ooh, maybe they’ll put some hair on your chest!”

Before I could make an inappropriate comment about eating Sunny’s hairy muffin, Watcher planted himself down next to me. “It’s good to see you again, my lady,” he said.

“Yeah, I bet you like this little skirt, don’t you?”

“It certainly draws the eye. So I wanted to hear it from your own mouth: Is Celestia taken care of?”

“She is,” I said with a nod. “She is now going to rule as a perfect little princess.”

“Well. How’s it feel to be the most powerful woman in Equestria?”

“Pretty good. How goes the bunker?”

“Zecora is confident that the entire mall area is clear of spirits now. We’ve sent a few scouting parties toward areas Flo remembers as having valuables, but the paths she remembers are blocked.”

“Slow and steady,” I said. “If we have to, we can get more support from Celestia. Have the ghosts turned overly hostile?”

“Not yet, but the elementals have gone much further than we did. They told us that dark things lurk deeper within.”

“Well, my sword was capable of at least hurting them. Make sure the scouting teams carry something like it.”

“What are your plans now?” Watcher asked.

“As soon as breakfast is done, Taya and I are teleporting to Ponyville. When we’re done there, we’ll teleport back. Around noon, I’m going into the coma.”

“...I did not realize it would be so soon. Are you sure that’s what you want, Nav? We can help you get through whatever is ailing you if you just let us.”

“I’d rather get through my own problems. I’m done living like this. Also, I need time to heal after I cut all these extra limbs off.”

“Nav, I get that you don’t like them, but—”

“Discord told me that he’s changing me to look more like him and if it finishes before I get a soul, I become his wife for eternity.”

“Let me know if you need help doing it painlessly,” he said. “Turns out that a great torture tactic is completely removing someone’s limb without them even noticing, then waving it around in front of them.”

“I think I got it covered, unless you just really want to cut some things off.”

“Oh no, I love the tail,” he said. “We’re all gonna miss it.”

I chose not to ask. “Make sure some people check up on Celestia while I’m out of it,” I said. “She seemed stable when I saw her yesterday, but she’s technically a brand new consciousness. Some of her behaviors might be unpredictable.”

“That’s where Twilight is right now,” Taya said. “Apparently she wanted to be here to greet you this morning, but got a letter before you woke up. So instead she just dropped the book off with Kat.”

“Wow. I can’t believe they both chose to wake up that early. They must really hate themselves.”

“What will Luna be doing?” Watcher asked.

“If she survives, she’ll be returning to the bunker to help there.”

“If she survives what?” Watcher asked. “What did she do this time?”

“She jumped into Athena’s book without asking.”

“It should be a breeze for her,” Taya said. “Kat and I barely broke a sweat!”

“You were also both prepared for a fight. I don’t know if we ever told Luna what happens when you just jump in. I mean, I’m sure she’ll probably be fine, but she’s still taking a hell of a risk.”

Before Watcher could continue pestering me about inane bullshit, Sunny trotted up and placed a huge plate of muffins before me and my daughter. “Fresh from the oven!” she sweetly said. Taya immediately floated one over and bit into it, then gagged and spit it out. “I just said they’re fresh from the oven! That means they’re hot! Ugh, I’ll go get some milk…” Just like that, she trotted right off, muttering.

Watcher grabbed a muffin of his own. “I’ll let you enjoy breakfast with your filly, my lady,” he said.

“If you don’t get one for Sentinel, she might slap you.”

“Wise.” He grabbed another and walked back over to his table.

“So what have we learned?” I asked, looking at my filly.

“Muffins are bad for you!”

“Ooorrr… wait a minute or two before munching on something that’s literally steaming. Unless it’s phoenix, because that never stops steaming.”

“You can eat phoenix?” she asked.

“Apparently. It tasted really good, too. I’m sure these muffins will also taste really good if you’re patient enough.”

“...I dunno. I think they might be evil.”

“Sunny wouldn’t make anything evil. She’s my favorite for a reason.”

I immediately felt a very large and slightly sharp paw on each shoulder. “Your favorite, my lady?” Kat purred.

“My favorite cook, yes.” Her claws retracted. “Are you sure that’s good for your gloves?”

“I had them custom-made,” she said, sitting next to me. “For occasions when I guard you.”

“And what are you guarding me from now?” I asked.

“These evil muffins!” Taya said, glaring at them.

“I will be guarding you in Ponyville, of course,” she said.

“First I’m hearing of it,” I said. “Where did you get those orders from?”

“Princess Celestia, when I allowed her to turn me into your vassal. One of the standing orders all vassals have is to keep their nobles protected at all times. You’re doing your absolute best to make obeying difficult for some reason.”

“Well, I don’t tend to need protection,” I replied with a shrug.

“Tell me again about the assassins you ran into in Gryphus,” she said with a grin.

Taya finally grabbed one of the muffins and nommed into it. “They’re not evil anymore,” she said.

“Do you mean the assassins that I dealt with?” I asked. “The ones I didn’t need protection from?” I grabbed a muffin and bit right into it. The blueberry flavor reminded me of a time long ago. I just about lost myself in memories, but was brought back by a pitcher of milk and two full glasses settling on the table.

“There you are, my ladies,” Sunny said.

“Thank you,” I said, booping her on the nose. She accepted it with grace and dignity. “The muffins are wonderfully nostalgic.”

“Good! Let me know if you need anything else.”

“If she does, she can ask her favorite,” Kat said, putting a paw on one of my thighs.

“Okay, crazy lady,” Sunny said. She walked back off to the kitchen, no longer muttering.

“I’m not crazy,” Kat said, pulling her paw back. “I’m one of the only sane ones left!”

“No, you’re pretty fucking crazy,” I said. “Want a muffin?”

“How am I crazy?!” Kat demanded.

“Are you kidding me? Holy shit, where do I start? I guess from the beginning. You were kidnapped and enslaved at a young age and had horrible things done to you, starting your downward spiral into PTSD. Then you were kidnapped and enslaved by ritualistic murderers and made to do even more horrifying things, fucking you up even more. It built and built in you until you snapped, starting the revolution. And you can’t look at what happened during that and tell me you’re any kind of sane. After that, you joined the government and started doing what you do best again until you finally turned against them and told Bloodbeak what was up. Half the shit you’ve done since you joined the crew has pretty much terrified everybody, including me. I’ve heard some people pondering whether you might kill them in their sleep if they say the wrong thing. Then you go and tell me you want to be my slave, because at this point, that’s the only way you know how to live your life. You’ve never been free and you’re afraid of what’ll happen if you are. So you shackled yourself to someone who knows how dangerous you are in the hopes that she’ll keep you from doing anything wrong. I wanted to try to help you get better, but you seem content to wallow in the crazy. Are you sure you don’t want a muffin? They’re fucking amazing!” I started working on another one.

“...A muffin would be nice,” Kat whispered. She reached over, grabbed one, and started nibbling on it. Her eyes were just staring into space.

The milk just made them taste all the better. “This was a good choice of breakfast,” I said.

“That’s because I’m the best daughter ever,” Taya sweetly replied.

“...I’m sorry I’m so broken,” Kat said.

“It’s not your fault you’re crazy as shit,” I said with a shrug. “You’re still super cute when you aren’t being horrifying. Sometimes you’re cute even when you are being horrifying.”

“It’s okay,” Taya said. “We’re all mommy’s rejects! Being crazy just makes you one of us!”

“...These muffins are pretty good.”

“Told you,” I said, booping my catgirl on the nose. “Do you have everything you need? I plan to leave as soon as we’re done.”

“Of course, my lady!”

“Good. Go get my daggers. They were on the changeling ship.”

“They are now in your room,” Kat said. “Doppel had all of your belongings moved back down. I’ll go get them!” She almost ran away, eager to attend to her lady.

“That wasn’t very nice, mommy,” Taya said.

“I would have offered her milk, but Sunny didn’t bring enough glasses. It’s not my fault.”

“I meant the part where you called her crazy!”

“It wasn’t very nice at all,” Watcher said from across the room.

“She asked a question. I answered it.”

“As rudely as possible!” Sentinel said.

“Yeah, well, I gave you both muffins!” That put them in their place and shut them up right proper. When Taya finished off the last one, Kat still hadn’t returned. “So, you ready?” I asked my filly.

“Yep! We can go as soon as Kat gets back.”

“Or we could go now. Why do we need her to keep us safe?”

“Mommy, after what you just said to her, she’s going with us. And you’re gonna let her cuddle up against you the whole time!”

“Why not let her cuddle against you?”

“What, are you kidding? She’s crazy! Have fun with that, mommy.”

I decided to refill my glass since Kat was taking so long. It had been a while since I had just plain milk. It was pretty good.

When Kat stopped being lazy and got her shit together, I took the knives and tucked them away, then stood up. “So, we all ready?” I asked.

“Where exactly are we going?” Taya asked.

“Take us just inside the gate of our house near the Everfree,” I said. Before she could, Kat latched onto my arm. Taya giggled and finally teleported us out. It happened to be directly in front of Bon-Bon and Lyra, who were walking toward the gate. They both froze. “Sup?”

Lyra smiled and darted forward to hug me. “Hey, Navi!” She was all kinds of squishy, so I made sure to hug her back.

“Did you just teleport in?” Bon-Bon asked.

“Sure did,” Taya replied.

“What brings you all the way out here?” Lyra asked.

“I came to tell you that I had plans for the house. It’ll probably be at least a month and you’re welcome to stay throughout the process, but it might get loud.”

“...What kind of plans?” Bon-Bon asked.

“I’m going to turn it into a university,” I said. “Build it out, add several more buildings, and increase the defenses. I’ll also put in a gate in the back.”

“What kind of university?” Lyra asked, finally pulling away from my grasping arms.

“The kind that will reinvent several lost human technologies,” I said. “I’ve been hoarding my knowledge for too long. It’s time to put it to use for everyone’s benefit.”

“That sounds… dangerous,” Bon-Bon slowly said.

“Maybe. If you need help affording a new place, I’d be happy to donate some cash.”

“We knew this day was coming,” Bon-Bon said. “We’ve done plenty of saving. A month should be long enough for us to find a new home.”

“You own the Everfree now, right?” Lyra asked.

“I do. This university will be my first step toward turning it into something worth owning.”

“Could we build a house next to it?” she asked.

“If you want,” I said with a shrug.

“We don’t,” Bon-Bon immediately said. “Living here has been an experience. I might be interested in moving out here when you get the forest cleaned up, but I don’t really want to deal with all the monsters without thick walls. We can afford a nice place anywhere we want, honey. Let’s not make this complicated.”

“Staying nearby would literally be the least complicated thing ever,” Lyra said. “We wouldn’t have to change anything!”

“...We can talk about it later,” Bonny finally said. “We don’t need to trouble Nav with it.”

“I’m sure Doppel would love another changeling face in Canterlot,” I said.

“Canterlot is nice, but I would never want to live there,” Bon-Bon said.

“But what about all the parties?” Lyra asked. “You can have all kinds of fun!”

“To be fair, I don’t want to live there either,” I said. “But someone has to keep an eye on Celestia and I drew the short straw, so here we are…”

“Is there anything else we can help you with, Nav?” Bonny asked. “We were actually both on our way to work.”

“That’s all,” I said. “We’ll be back later to talk more exact times, but it’ll definitely be a bit.”

“We’ll let you know before we move,” Bon-Bon said. “That way you can get a few guards here.”

“Cool beans. Then we’ll get—” I suddenly heard something that made me look up, toward the forest. It sounded like… singing, but so beautiful that it was drawing me in. “Do you… do you hear that?” I asked, taking a step toward the treeline.

“Hear what?” Kat asked.

“I hear it too!” Taya said, her ears twitching. “It’s so pretty!”

“...Are you alright?” Lyra asked.

I blinked myself free and looked down to Taya. “You read the book about tree sisters. Didn’t you say something about hearing trees singing?”

“Yeah, but… listen!”

“To what?” Kat asked.

“It’s a tree sister thing,” I said. “Now let me listen.” After about thirty seconds, I nodded. “Taya, give yourself wings. We’re flying in.”

“What is it saying?” Kat asked.

“A tree sister is calling to the two of us,” I said. “Apparently there’s one in the forest.”

“I have no idea what’s going on right now,” Bon-Bon said.

“Taya and I are tree sisters,” I said. “That means our biology is combined with that of a tree. It gives us several abilities. One of them allows us to hear trees in large enough combinations singing. These trees in particular are inviting us to speak to their owner.”

“Are you sure it’s not a trap?” Bon-Bon asked. “That forest is kinda evil.”

“It’s not evil, it’s just defensive,” I said. “A tree sister controlling it might explain why it’s defensive.” Taya’s horn lit up and two butterfly wings appeared on her back.

“Besides, my lady need not fear a trap while I am with her,” Kat said, rubbing her head against my neck.

“But you don’t have wings,” Lyra said.

“It was good to see you two again,” I said. “We’ll need to make time to catch up properly later.”

“You lived here for almost a year,” Bonnie said. “Why are they just now calling you?”

“This probably isn’t the first time. This is just the first time I’ve heard it. Something about the bunker triggered another stage in our evolution that allowed us to hear them, apparently.”

“What bunker?” Bonnie asked.

“You know, I don’t want to keep you from work,” I said. “Taya, grab Kat and toss me.” I suddenly catapulted up into the air. When I managed to catch the air under my wings, Taya joined me with Kat held up in a bubble of magic.

“So where are we going?” Taya asked.

“I only know of one big-ass tree in the Everfree. I can’t imagine the tree sister living anywhere else.”

“Or tree brother,” Taya said. “I can’t believe we couldn’t hear this before! It’s so beautiful!”

“What does it sound like?” Kat asked.

“A perfect harmony,” I said. “An entire symphony. I’ve never heard anything like it, yet it sounds like something that’s been with me for all of time…”

“So why aren’t you carrying me?” Kat asked.

“Because my wings are utter garbage now. With luck, they’ll be less shitty after they grow back.”

“If they grow back,” Kat said.

“Well, them not growing back would certainly be a bonus, but I have a feeling I won’t get that lucky.”

“Most of us dream of having the ability to fly,” she said. “And yet you’d throw it away…”

“Yeah, well, when you get gifted wings by the fiancé from hell that you never wanted, you’re welcome to keep your set. Oh wait, he already gave you something, didn’t he? How’s that working out for you?”

“...I never realized how much I took for granted until I couldn’t touch anyone anymore,” she said. “I’m sorry I’m creepy, my lady. I’m sorry I scare you. I’m so—”

“It’s not your fault, Kat,” I said. “And I’m sorry about what I said. I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

“No, you should have. And you can stop pretending.”

“I am sorry for what I said.”

“You can stop now, Taya,” she said. My filly ground to a stop, which kinda also made me stop. “You can both quit pretending now. I know what this is.”

“...And what is this?” I asked.

“An execution,” Kat sighed, slumping down in her little magic bubble. “I tried to serve you well, my lady. I’m so sorry for failing you…”

“Wow. Would you seriously just let me kill you like this?”

That made her blink. “W-what?”

“Wow. Do you seriously think I would just kill you like this?”

“I… I don’t…”

“Jesus Christ, Kat. Why the fuck would I execute you after we just spoke to two witnesses? What, do you think I’m an idiot? If I was going to kill you, I would never give you a chance to even possibly fight back. I would just have Taya pinch a few neurons in your brain, which would instantly kill you. And I certainly wouldn’t do it right after speaking to two fucking witnesses. And what, you thought we’d just do it over the forest and leave your body to rot? More like leave your bones behind for the lawman to pick over, more possible evidence. No, I’d have your entire corpse utterly evaporated, leaving not even a single hair.”

“...I thought you were going to tell them that it was a trap,” she slowly said.

“You’re so adorable,” I said, reaching in to boop her on the nose. “Let’s keep going.”

“So is this… actually a tree sister?”

“Or brother,” I said with a shrug. I started moving again, so they followed.

“...I don’t know how I ever thought you could do that,” she said.

“The only thing that’s sloppy about me is my vagina, Kat,” I said. “If I kill you, it’ll be professionally done, not a last minute hit.”

“That isn’t what I meant and you know it!” she shouted. “The reason we’re all following you is because we know you would never do us like that!”

“And until thirty seconds ago, you knew you were on your way to die. I guess it’s easy for your opinion of me to change that quickly.”

“...Because I’m crazy?” she slowly asked.

“Complete nutbag.”

“A complete nutbag who has been nothing but loyal and dependable,” she said. “And you already know I always will be.”

“If you’re loyal and dependable enough to let me just fly you out to the woods and murder you, I’ll take it,” I said.

“I’m loyal and dependable enough to let you do anything,” she said. “You own me, wholly and completely, my lady.”

“Yes, I know. You’re my slave for life, remember?”

“Always and forever.”

“Good. So when we get where we’re going, let me do the talking.”

“I’m just your pretty arm candy,” she said.

God, what a fucking psycho.

“I can fix that,” Aqua said. “I can wrap up all that crazy in a neat little bag and leave you something useful in its place.”

We’re not doing that.

“What, you’ll wipe your daughter’s mind on a whim but you won’t deal with the mass murderer who raped you?”

I didn’t do anything to Taya’s mind. And you are going to stay away from Kat’s mind. You watery freaks have done enough damage to her.

“Yes, Flo did quite a number on her. Your purest little elemental was making new friends before it was popular, yet I don’t recall you ever enslaving her because of it.”

I wasn’t one of the new friends she happened to make. You know, probably.

“Well, I guess you’ll have to find out for sure in your coma, won’t you?”

The coma that you’ll be keeping your fucked up tendrils away from. Apparently that wasn’t worthy of a reply.

“There’s the tree,” Taya said.

Sure enough, there was the tree. It was looking a little run down, though. The poor thing was definitely starting to wither. “I only assume they’re here,” I said. “I also only assume they’re friendly.”

“Any assumption of yours is a safe bet,” Kat said.

We started angling down, through the branches of the other trees. When we finally got down, all I could say was, “Huh.”

“Hello again, dearest tree sister!” the creepy mushroom lady from the changeling hives said. “And you brought another this time!”

“Hello to you, dearest mushroom sister,” I said. “So I think there might have been a miscommunication. I thought we were looking for a tree sister.”

“You are,” the tree said.

“Holy shit the tree just spoke!” I said.

“It did?” Kat asked.

“Of course it spoke, silly!” the mushroom said.

“And she has no idea what’s going on,” the tree said. “I assume she has no idea what a tree sister even is.”

“You’re right, I don’t know what’s going on. I barely know what a tree sister is,” I said. “And I would really appreciate some answers.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” the tree said with what honestly sounded like a giggle.

“So let’s start with this one,” I said. “Why is a tree talking to me?”

“Because you can hear me,” it said. “And because you can help me.”

“Okay, let’s move to this one. How is a tree talking to me?”

“Is that really the question you want to ask?”

“Uh… Yeah? That’s why I asked it.”

It… sighed? I’m not really sure. “I had a feeling asking for your help would be difficult.”

“So, you gonna answer?”

“Would you believe me if I told you magic?”

“...Fuck it, why not?” I said. “It honestly wouldn’t be the weirdest thing I’ve heard today. So you obviously had a different thing in mind for this conversation. Where did you see this going?”

“I would like to know what is happening outside of my domain.”

“It’s a big world. Be more specific.”

“Is Celestia still alive?”

“Depends on what you mean by alive,” I said. “And it also depends on what you mean by Celestia. If by alive you mean had her personality utterly wiped and replaced with something that I control, then yes. And if by Celestia you mean mind-wiped puppet, then also yes.”

“...Then she’s dead?”

“I literally just answered that, tree. It depends—”

“Can you stop being obtuse for five minutes?” it asked.

“You called me here for answers. I’m giving you answers. You said you need my help.”

“What about Reginald? Is that name at all familiar to you?”

“Last I heard, he was heading back to Iceland,” I said. “After I cured Pyrite’s insanity, Reggie wanted to go back to help him recover. I hope he chokes on his fucking freedom, after the bastard stabbed me in the back.”

“...And Nightmare Moon?” she softly asked.

“I think Twilight and the other Elements of Harmony utterly destroyed Nightmare Moon after kicking her out of Luna’s body, but I’m not really sure how it all worked. I know she’s basically been neutralized.”

“Luna’s alive?!”

“Yeah.”

“Bring her to me!”

I crossed my arms and lifted an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

Several vines shot out of the soil and dragged Kat straight to the ground. “You will bring her to me immediately!”

“Taya?” Kat immediately teleported out of the vines. “So why am I bringing you my favorite vassal?” I asked.

“Your… vassal?” the tree slowly asked.

“Luna swore an oath to obey me as my vassal.”

“...I suppose time changes us all,” it said.

“So, do you want to tell me why I’m bringing Luna here?” I asked. “Or should I just start burning you down now and asking questions never?”

“...A very long time ago, Luna and I were friends,” it said.

“Luna had a lot of strange friends, it seems,” I said. “So what’s your story?”

“As a tree sister, I was not able to fight in Luna’s final war against her sister. It goes against every code we stand for. But after Celestia utterly betrayed her, I knew I could not let that wretch go unpunished. So I… did something forbidden.”

“You and Luna both, huh? So what forbidden, super fucked up thing did you do, hm?”

“I used dark magic to curse one of my seeds, then planted it in the heart of Celestia’s power, the capital of the world. Then I rotted it out from under her.”

“Okay, this time, can you try being a little more specific?”

If trees could roll their eyes, this one probably would have skipped that step and started at trying to strangle me. “I used magic to curse my seed, planted the seed so it would sprout, and then killed myself so I would grow into the cursed sapling. Over time, I was able to seep into the other trees and spread the corruption. Within a year, I brought her empire to its knees, flooding her capital with monsters the ponies thought all but eradicated. I awoke the fae of old to begin nurturing the land, slowly returning its magic over time.”

“Thank you for being a little more specific,” I said.

“Mommy’s really hard for us all to deal with,” Taya said. “Don’t take it personally.”

“So everything you said when you met me was a sham?” the mushroom said. “What about the creatures who were with you when you found me?”

“Those are called changelings,” I said. “Discord created them by morphing the alicorns of old into hunger fae.”

“You know Discord?!” the tree demanded.

“Unfortunately. Wait, you know Discord? How? He was still locked up when you were walking around.”

“I happened to be around while he was making the first changelings,” she said. “I’m older than Celestia and Luna.”

“Ah. Sorry, you look really nice for your age. I wouldn’t say you had any more than twenty rings, tops.”

If trees could blush, she would still probably be trying to strangle me. “I wish I could hate you to death,” the tree said.

So much for trying to compliment her. “You’re making me want to help you less and less,” I said.

“So who is Discord?” the mushroom asked.

“More like what is Discord,” I said. “It’s the physical manifestation of the idea of chaos brought on after one super ancient human murdered another super ancient human way back when.”

“What’s a human?” the tree asked.

“I thought you said I would be the one getting answers,” I said.

“You seem to have a lot more of those than I do,” it said.

“You said you needed help. What did you need?”

“Two things,” the tree said. “First, I want you to bring me Luna.”

“And then?”

“That will depend on her,” it said. “After that, I will either need you to burn this forest to the ground or give me one of your seeds.”

“Alright, give me the rundown of why I would be doing either of those.”

“In case you weren’t listening, this forest is cursed,” it said. “There are two ways to get rid of a corruption like this. The first is with flames. The second is with new life.”

“Right, I kinda figured. So how about this time, you make with the specifics? And please don’t make me ask for specifics in the future. I hate having to ask for those.”

“You know what, forget it,” the tree said. “I knew having to deal with you would make this unbearable.”

“Oh please, as if you know how bad I really am.”

“I can smell the sickly sweet scent of corruption all over you, my lovely little cherry blossom,” the tree said. “There’s something rotten in your core.”

“Yeah, no shit. Discord created me.”

“...Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

“So what does that mean?” the mushroom asked.

“Well, practical jokes were Discord’s sort of thing,” the tree said. “Now that we’ve had plenty of time to suffer from its antics, I imagine we’ll probably both cease to exist in the short amount of time it’ll take for that thing to snap its fingers.”

I, of course, made no effort to snap said fingers. “Sorry, I didn’t finish,” I said. “Discord created me… and I’m doing my best to kill him before he finishes transforming me into a monster and forcibly marries me for eternity. That dude is mad spooksville and the less I have to do with him, the better.”

“Oh, you’re the new Eris,” the tree said. “That makes you much more interesting! And it also explains why you’re so annoying.”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m legit crazy at this point,” I said. “You must be really old if you know there were other Erises.”

“Legends travel long and far among the half-fae,” she said. “We remember things that most could never even imagine. Discord creates many pawns, but you are always his favorite. Your likely fate is not a pretty one, Eris.”

“Well, according to Discord, I’m the last one. If I fail to get a soul, he’ll marry me. So if any of your fae legends pertain to giving me one, I’m all ears.”

“Bring me Luna and we’ll talk,” the tree said.

“That’s fair. So, what, should I just tell her that a tree in the middle of the woods asked to speak to her?”

“Tell her that Poira requests an audience with the Herald of Darkness,” she said.

“‘Kay. So what’s your name, mushroom?”

“Oh, I forgot so long ago,” she said. “Call me Morel, if you must call me anything. And you are Eris, then?”

“Navarone, actually,” I said. “Eris is what Discord wants to turn me into, but I’m not there yet. And this is Taya.”

“‘Sup,” my filly said.

“I’m surprised you brought a mortal with you,” Morel said, looking Kat up and down. “Does she tend to your grove?”

“She’s a guard, so I guess technically. If we cleanse the curse from the forest, will all the monsters leave?”

“Not immediately,” Poira said. “It will take time for the dark magics to seep out and for the good magics to start resurging.”

“Would it bother you if the monsters were killed?” I asked.

“With Celestia defeated and Luna free, there is no more reason for me to keep up this dark act,” she said. “I would be happy to release the enchantments on the monsters and allow them to be killed. That will speed up the cleansing of the forest.”

“What if Taya and I planted some of our own seeds here?” I asked.

“Then instead of an evil-aligned magical forest, it would be a good-aligned magical forest,” she said. “The monsters that appeared would be docile and mostly harmless.”

“Well, new sidequest activated,” I said. “Gotta clear out sectors of the forest and plant magical seeds. This’ll be fun.”

“Depending, of course, on what Luna has to say,” Poira said. “I might just ask you to burn it all instead.”

Yeah, we’re not doing that. Of course, she didn’t need to know that. If that’s what she asked for, we’d just burn her tree down and keep the rest intact. “I’m not sure how long it’ll take Luna to get out here,” I said. “And I’m not sure I’ll be with her. Taya can get you a seed pretty soon, but I’m going to be unavailable for a while.”

“Again, I am going nowhere,” Poira replied. “I still have quite some time before I completely wither away.”

“And I believe I’ll be staying here for some time, too,” Morel said. “This grove is so fascinating! I haven’t seen one this powerful in so long…”

“I wouldn’t mind talking more about being a tree sister, either,” I said. “As you guessed, I don’t know much about it at all. Celestia did it to me without permission, so I had no clue what to expect.”

“That utter monster,” Poira said. “This is no fate that should be forced on any. It is something that should only ever be chosen.”

“Yeah, she was a cunt canoe. Anyway, I’ll go see what I can do to find Luna. With luck, it shouldn’t be long. Will she be able to hear you?”

“With magic, yes,” Poira said. “Or failing that, Morel can translate if you are unavailable.”

“Cool beans. Taya, would you mind taking us home?” Her horn lit up and we teleported back into my room.

My filly groaned and lifted a hoof to her head. “I think I’m gonna need a short break, mommy.”

“Feel free,” I said. “I have no intention of leaving the house again.” She limped off back to her room, trying to seem more miserable than she really was. The book had moved from the bed to the desk, so I assumed Luna was out of it.

“So now what?” Kat asked. “Would you like me to service you, my lady?”

“Nah. I’m gonna head downstairs and see if Luna is here. If she is, I’d like to get her sent out to the forest.”

“Wouldn’t you rather let me go check to see if she’s here, then tell her to meet you if so?”

“Yes, actually. I’ll be here.” It’ll certainly mean fewer people will want to bother me, at least.

“As you command,” she replied, placing a paw against her chest. With that, she wandered off. I walked over to my desk and opened up the laptop. Its battery was low, so I pulled out the solar charger and let it start soaking up some rays.

Luna didn’t waste much time teleporting back up and immediately falling into a bow. “My lady.”

“So did you have a chance to speak to Athena and Hera?”

“No. They removed me as soon as I finished their small dungeon and advised me to return after your coma had begun, as they had preparations to make. I tried to go in two more times after that, but it was made clear to me that trying a third time would be unwise.”

Coulda seen that one coming. “Does the name Poira mean anything to you?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me about her.”

“I had few friends of old, fewer still that lasted through the ages. Poira was the tree sister I mentioned before, a very old friend of mine that I have not seen since… before I fell. Why do you ask of her?”

“Because I was speaking to her five minutes ago and she asked to talk to you.”

“I see. Where may I find her?”

“The Everfree. She’s no longer a tree sister and is instead just a tree. She also has a visiting mushroom sister named Morel.”

“I am thankful you relayed this message, my lady,” she said with a grin. “I have found myself missing Poira. It is a shame she is rooted to one place, but being able to visit will be nice. Where in the Everfree is she?”

“She’s the biggest tree out there, the one that rises above all the others. If you’d like, Kat would probably be able to help you find it. Taya’s feeling some magical burnout, so she wouldn’t be up to it.”

“It should not be difficult to find. I also know a spell that helps with detecting magic, so I have alternate means of finding her. I have quite a few questions for her.”

“So did I. Apparently the reason the Everfree is so fucked up is because she used dark magic to curse one of her magical seeds, then grew into it and corrupted Celestia’s capital out from under her.”

“That’s… an interesting tactic. Did she say why?”

“Revenge for what Celestia did to you.”

“I see. I never expected her to do such a thing for me. I will be sure to thank her. Do you need anything else from me, my lady?”

“Poira asked two things of me. The first was to deliver that message. She told me the second thing would be dependent on what you told her, but that the two options were to burn her grove down or to give her a magical seed to help cure the corruption. I’d like you to try to convince her to take a magical seed.”

“I will,” she replied with a nod. “I would not want to lose my friend after just finding her.”

“Good. Go see her. If she asks you to do anything for her, you’re free to take as much time as you need to help her. I doubt you’ll be needed too much at the bunker unless they run into something horrific.”

“Thank you, my lady. When exactly do you plan to enter this coma?”

“Shortly after that dayglass empties,” I said, pointing at it. The sand was about three-fourths of the way down. “That’ll be when my magical seed matures.”

“Would you like your favorite vassal to plant it somewhere secure?” she asked.

“Not this one. I’m going to plant it myself.”

“Ah. Farewell for now, my lady.”

“See you when I see you,” I said with a nod. She blinked right outside the glass doors, then took off flying toward Ponyville.

As tempting as it was to just dick around on the laptop for a few hours, I knew reading the tree sister book would be more useful. Thankfully, Taya had placed it on one of the bookshelves in my room.

When I sat back down at the desk to read it, Aqua shot out of my nose and down to the book. She sank into the pages before scooting right back inside of me. “This might be somewhat confusing for a moment,” she said.

“Will it be faster than reading it myself?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Go for it.” She closed my eyes and showed me the entire book, one word at a time, so quickly that I could barely keep up. As the words progressed, I realized that they were being burned into my memory. At that rate, I finished the book in about two minutes and it felt like I could recite the entire thing word for word. “Wow.”

“After about an hour or two, you’ll begin forgetting the exact wording. You’ll still remember all the events, though.”

“I’m still trying to process it now,” I said. “Even though it’s all in my head, so far I only really understand the first half.”

“Close your eyes and relax,” she said. “The rest will come soon.”

I did just that. Sure enough, the rest came quickly enough. “Well. I guess Taya didn’t technically lie to me.”

“That’s still a very huge omission, though,” Aqua said. “How’s it feel to know that your final fate might be to live forever as a tree?”

“Honestly? Not that fucking great. That said, I’ll have a very long time to decide what I want to do. I’m sure once I get a soul, I can find some way to commit suicide in such a way that I don’t end up in a tree forever. That said, Poira is still able to talk to those around her, so it might not be too terrible. I’m more curious about why Taya didn’t think this was worth mentioning.”

“Because she knew you’d tell her no, obviously.”

“I would have told her no anyway. You were the one who told her yes.”

“Technically—”

“You’re gonna wanna stop talking now.” She stopped talking then.

Some of what was in the book confirmed what I already knew. Basically, any limbs that got chopped off would grow back treelike. It was still possible to get pregnant, but only by a tree brother. Once your evolution into a tree being got far enough that your eyes turned bright green, you could begin hearing trees singing and start seeing more powerful fae.

Some of the information was new. When you got old enough, which seemed to depend on which tree you were combined with, leaving your grove got harder. At some point, you would become unable to leave your grove for extended period of time. After a few more deaths, you couldn’t leave the grove at all. Finally, you would be unable to leave your tree. Your grove would grow around you and you’d be able to magically influence it.

At that point, I understood more about what Poira did. I also finally realized why the monsters usually only reacted to those who went into the forest with violence in their mind. She couldn’t completely control them, but she could influence them. She also had eyes all over the forest and could easily send creatures of all types wherever she wanted. Which meant that eventually, I could probably do the same.

Thankfully, knowing my eventual fate allowed me to start planning for it in advance. If there was eventually a time where I got stuck in a tree, I’d want to make sure it was in a huge forest of some kind so I’d have as much influence as possible. At least that way, I’d be able to have some fun in the pseudo-afterlife. It still sounded kinda shitty, but it was better than going to hell or being married to Discord.