Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VgD9OhyBxfm_je-psVrCKjqFGqKnogAQiuZQP7TECPo/edit

“It’s the griffin’s week long Hearts and Hooves festival, silly! You and Twilight are going as a couple.”

I grabbed her tail to stop her and she turned to look at me, still grinning. “Did Twilight tell you she was going to ask me there as a date?”

Her grin dipped a little. “Well, not in those words, but that’s what she was hinting at. And you agreed!” She hopped up to hug me. “I knew you two would be happy together!”

“I thought you wanted me to get with Fluttershy.”

“...Mommy, I’ve wanted you to get together with Twilight since the beginning. You two make the perfect team! You have really good common sense and can fight without magic and she has a lot of book smarts and can use really powerful magic. Back when you two used to live together, lots of ponies kept asking me if you two were official yet. Rarity even tried to get me to help set you two up.”

“And you never once thought to communicate this with me?”

She let me go and took a step back. “You wouldn’t have listened, mommy. You wouldn’t have given a relationship with her a chance until just recently. I’m glad you changed your mind, too! I can be your best mare. Oh, and Cadance can finally be useful!”

“Whoa now, you’re moving a little quick. One date doesn’t mean marriage. If that’s what this even is. You don’t know Twilight actually meant it as a date. She told me she didn’t even know what the festival was about.”

“Tch, I’m sure she lied. She asked me if I thought you’d say yes to going with her to a special griffin festival that happens every year around Hearts and Hooves day. Why else would she ask?”

I reached down and booped her on the nose. “Just because you want something to be true doesn’t mean it is. It’s odd that she didn’t tell me it was a Hearts and Hooves Day thing, but that just means she probably doesn’t want me to think it’s a date.”

Her smile lowered for a moment before returning in full force. “So it’s a surprise date!”

“Or it’s not a date at all.”

“Oooh, so what are you gonna wear on your date? You don’t want her to know that you know, so you have to be subtle. I bet Rarity would love to help!”

“Taya, don’t get your hopes up. This might not shake out the way you like.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly, but her smile didn’t change. “We’ll see, mommy. We’ll see…” She finally turned and continued walking. I once again fell in behind her, though I couldn’t help but ask myself what she meant.

At the moment, though, my mind was more concerned with whether or not Twilight just asked me on an actual date. As Taya said, there was a time when I wouldn’t even consider the idea and just laugh at whoever suggested it. Now, though…

Now, I was considering it. Twilight and I had both changed quite a lot over the years. We were a lot more compatible and friendly with each other. Taya obviously liked the idea. So did all of Twilight’s friends and a good chunk of Ponyville, apparently. Sex with her was also fun and it was only getting better as she grew more confident in herself.

There were a few problems, though. I could never give her foals, not that I was particularly interested in having kids to begin with. I didn’t know if that would be a dealbreaker with her or not. She also had competition. Celestia was looking increasingly unlikely. That left Fleur and possibly Rainbow Dash. If I went through with overthrowing Celestia, Rainbow Dash would be out of the running and Twilight might be too hurt to stay with me.

That said, Chrysalis might also be an option, if she continued on the path to Moonbeam. She was a slightly older and sexier version of Celestia with just as much power and knowledge. There’s no telling how she’d react to me killing Celestia, though.

Then there was the option of just being a slut for life. Ponies didn’t seem to have STDs and I’d be immune anyway. I also couldn’t get pregnant, so there was nothing stopping me from doing whatever I wanted with whoever was willing. There were certainly benefits to having relationships, but there were definitely benefits to not being in one as well.

For the time being, I decided to go on the assumption that Twilight wasn’t asking me on an actual date and that Taya just misunderstood her. I’d judge Twilight’s reaction while we were at the festival and see how she felt. At the moment, I honestly didn’t know if she was interested or not and I wasn’t going to make a big deal of it in case she wasn’t.

And if she is interested in me… I guess I’ll have a decision to make.

Before we could get out of the palace, an out-of-uniform day guard galloped around a corner, sliding on the marble before finding purchase and darting straight toward me. Once he got to Taya, he started to jump right at me. My daughter thankfully snatched him from the air and forced him against the wall. “Why are you attacking mommy?!” she demanded, slapping a hoof against the ground.

When he hit the wall, his head bounced on it pretty hard, so he was pretty dazed. I stepped closer and grabbed him by the mane to lift his head up. “...I think I recognize you,” I slowly said.

He finally came to his senses and looked up at me with a smile. “My name is Pointy Hat, my lady,” he said. “And I wasn’t trying to attack you, I was trying to hug you!”

I let his hair go and took a step back. “I made you dream about stallions one night. The last time we spoke, you didn’t seem very happy about it. But you were awfully happy in the dreams.”

“Well… They kept happening. Eventually somepony started asking me… questions. One thing led to another and… I tried it!”

“Oh, wow. So uh… how was it?”

He sighed and shivered. “Everything I dreamed of and more! Thank you, my lady.”

“Taya, let him go.” He slid down the wall and landed on his hooves. “You can hug me if you want, but please don’t throw yourself at me like some kind of deranged anime character.”

“...Right, sorry.” He walked forward and very carefully wrapped me in a hug. Since I was in an okay mood, I hugged him back, which for some reason made him sigh in delight. “You’re really good at hugging!”

“Her belly rubs are also great,” Taya said with a smirk. “Not that you’ll ever find out, of course.”

“Taya, don’t be mean,” I said. She was standing close enough, so I reached over and booped her, then let the dude go. “So have fun being a massive butt slut, I guess. And I also guess you’re welcome or whatever.”

“Oh, before you go, I had a question. I know you’re well-traveled and I hope you might know the answer… Where can I find any male dogs? They aren’t too common in mainland Equestria…”

“I’ve seen a few mercenaries around Canterlot, but there’s no telling if they’re gay or not. The closest place where I know they’re concentrated is Mexico, but it’s apparently unsafe. The next closest would be Barkelona. After that, you’d probably have to go straight to north Africa or China. There might be some closer, but I don’t know for sure.”

He bit his lower lip for a second before his eyes lit up. “I know! The griffin fertility festival is coming up! I bet I could find a few strong predators that are looking for company!”

“The griffin what now?” I asked.

“Every year around our Hearts and Hooves Day, they have a fertility festival,” he said. “It’s their first mating season of the new year. It’s also one of their strongest ones. Female griffins get very loving and doting and male griffins act really tough. Not many ponies know about it and most of those who do avoid traveling north that week. Apparently a lot of griffins have prey fetishes. The only reason I know anything about it is because I had to escort a diplomat one year and caught the tail end of the festival. But it’s coming up and I have vacation time!”

Well then. “Have fun. Remember to pace yourself and drink plenty of fluids. Also pick up a few reusable cold packs. You’ll need them.”

His tail swished and he shivered. “Good idea. I’ll see you later, my lady.” He bowed and continued trotting down the way we came.

When he was hopefully out of earshot, I looked down at my daughter. She was blushing up a storm and her ears were twitching. “Did Twilight happen to tell you it was a Hearts and Hooves Day event, or did you just assume that?”

“...It’s still a date,” she muttered before continuing to walk.

Yeah, a date between my pussy and a whole lot of griffin dicks. Here’s hoping they don’t actually have spiny cocks.

We soon got to the turn that would begin taking us out of the palace, but Taya skipped it. “So where exactly are we going?” I finally asked.

“You’ll see,” she replied with a giggle. So much for not being psychotic. At least it’s a cute psychotic instead of a scary one.

We took a few familiar twists and turns that finally ended where I suspected it would. Taya knocked on Twilight’s door with magic before I could say anything. For better or worse, Twilight answered a few moments later. Her face lit up when she saw us. “Hello, you two. What are you up to?”

“We were just on our way to lunch,” I said.

“And mommy told me you’ve been cooped up all day and probably forgot, so she decided to invite you!” I did what now?

Before I could form the words, Twilight’s eyebrows lifted and she said, “I’d… I’d enjoy that, I think. Let me just get ready for a minute.” She beckoned us in. We followed her and she closed the door behind us, then said, “Just wait right here.” With that, she walked off into her actual bed room and the door shut behind her.

I looked down at my smirking daughter. “What do you think you’re doing?” I quietly asked.

“I’m just doing you a favor, mommy,” she smugly replied.

“You’re just being a little pain in my—” Twilight’s door opening back up cut me off, but I think Taya got the message. Her smirk grew even darker.

“So where are we going?” Twilight asked as she walked closer. She was now wearing a parka and a scarf.

“Rarity told me about a place nearby,” Taya said. “I think it would be nice.”

“What was the name of this place?” I asked. “It wouldn’t happen to be the Loveboat, would it?”

Taya shrugged. “Doesn’t ring a bell. Shall we?”

“I’m sure miss local over here has some other options,” I said, looking at Twilight. “Rarity’s tastes are a bit too… ridiculous for me. Yours are more my style.”

“Ever since we started traveling, I’ve been trying to diversify my palate. I’d be happy to try a new place. It wouldn’t survive in Canterlot for long if it was completely terrible.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Then Rarity’s place it is.” But I swear to god, if it’s the fucking Loveboat…

God fucking dammit, Taya. “So what exactly did Rarity tell you about this place?” I coldly asked, staring at the Loveboat.

“That you took someone here one time and had a good time,” she said with a shrug. “So I thought you’d be happy to come back!”

“She didn’t happen to mention the name at all?” I asked, my eyes moving to the large sign that read ‘Loveboat’. It was shaped like a heart with a sail on it.

“Ooooh, it’s the Loveboat! I thought she was saying Lovebloat! Oops, silly me. Well, since we’re here, let’s eat!”

“It certainly looks interesting, and I don’t know this part of the city well,” Twilight said. “I’m really hungry and I don’t know what else is nearby, so this is good enough!” Taya smirked at me. I gave her a look that hopefully conveyed I would be giving her a talking to later, but it didn’t wipe that look off her face.

“For the record, I did not have a good time when I was here,” I said.

Taya shrugged. “Must have just been the wrong company. Let’s go!”

You little shit. I was the closest one to the door, so I opened it and held it for them. Taya trotted past, smirking at me in sick sadistic glee. Twilight thanked me and walked through.

As tempting as it was to make a run for it, I knew it would be too rude. Instead of doing the smart thing, I followed them in, already hating myself. The disgustingly pink decor hadn’t changed at all. The employees were all probably different, but it was hard to tell since I’m a shitty person and didn’t pay attention the first time around. Since it was apparently right after school had let out, there were a lot of young couples doting on each other and acting all cute and shit.

It disgusted me.

Taya was already talking to the hostess. The chick’s eyes lit up when she saw me and what looked like a shark’s grin appeared on her face. “Welcome back to the Loveboat, Lady Navarone.” Oh great, they remember me, too. “If you give us just a moment, we’d be happy to get you seated!”

“Of course,” I replied, trying to sound pleasant. It probably didn’t work, but it was the thought that counted, right? She rushed off, giddy as could be.

“So you came here with Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked as she looked around. “This was… back when you were male?”

“It’s a weird story. We came to Canterlot for a Wonderbolt race and decided to look around for food places before the show. This is the first place we saw. We took a step in, looked around, started to leave, then Rarity called us over. We pretended to be a couple to make her shitty date slightly better.”

“Ah. Well, you wanna do it?”

“Do… what, exactly?”

“Pretend to be a couple?” she asked with a small grin.

“Of course she would,” Taya said, using magic to push me closer to Twilight. “I’m sure you two will be great together!”

“That leaves a third wheel, though,” I said, turning a glare to my daughter. “And I wouldn’t want that.”

“I don’t mind,” Taya said. “In fact, I’m not really that hungry, so…” Her horn lit up and she disappeared with a pop. Oh, I am gonna beat you like a red-headed stepchild.

Before I could comment on the new turn of events, the hostess returned. “Right this way, my ladies!”

My ‘date’ chuckled and grabbed my hand with magic. “Come on, Navi!” She dragged me with her as she followed the hostess to our table. Apparently being famous means I get preferential treatment, because we got a table built into a swan-shaped boat. It looked like something that was stolen from a tunnel of love. There were only two seats, so Taya was presumably planning on dipping the whole time.

Twilight took a seat on one side and after just a moment of hesitation, I sat across from her. The table was very tiny, presumably so the partners would have to share everything.

As soon as we were seated, a mare about Taya’s age and wearing a ridiculously short skirt and tiny blouse approached us. Her hair was in pigtails and she had a big grin. The poor filly’s teeth were in braces. “What can I get you two to drink?” she sweetly asked as she hoofed us a single menu.

Twilight commandeered the menu and took a quick look. “Mint and lavender cocoa.”

“And a water each,” I quickly said before the adorable waitress could walk away.

“Coming right up!” she sang before bouncing off.

“So this place is very… lively,” Twilight said when our waitress got to the kitchen.

“It’s designed for teenagers,” I sighed. “I’m gonna make Taya pay for this.”

She giggled and reached a hoof across the table to take one of my hands. “Don’t, Nav. I think it’s cute.”

“...You realize that she’s trying to set us up, right? That was the purpose of this.”

“Yeah, I know.” I blinked. “I enjoy spending time with you, Nav. And I like seeing you interacting with your daughter. I don’t mind at all if she tries to set us up.”

“And being manipulated doesn’t bother you in the slightest?”

Her smile turned slightly darker. “She may have gotten the upper hoof this time, but there’s always next time. Maybe it’s time we find her a special colt friend.”

“Tch. Maybe. It’s certainly funny to watch her squirm when colts call her cute. Anyway, tell me about this festival we’re going to, the griffin one. What do you know about it?”

“I’ve done enough research to know that we’ll both have a fun time,” she said. “And I’d like you to not look into it. I want it to be a surprise. We’ll be going in disguise, so there shouldn’t be any risks.”

“...Are we gonna be Snow White and Shady Grey?”

She smiled and pulled the hoof back. “Not this time. I was thinking maybe a cruel and dominating unicorn lady and a shy and submissive pegasus maid. We can refine the details later, of course.”

“...Of course.” Though I might not want to. I think going to a fertility festival as a submissive maid might be fun. Judging by the smirk on her face, she was thinking the same thing I was.

“So how does the house hunt go?” she asked.

“Well. I got one called Stormview Estate.” Her ears twitched slightly. “You know of it?”

“My parents and Shiny went once for a party. I… decided to stay home and study. He told me it was amazing, though. A thunderstorm was passing near the mountain and he could see all the flashes of lightning from one of the rooms.”

“The same’s also true for the master bedroom. You’re welcome to come by the day we move in. I’m sure we can find a use for your magic.”

“I think I just might. What about the night you move in, hm?”

“The bed is fucking massive and comfy as fuck, but I’m making a promise to myself that I’ll sleep in it for one night before ruining it. It’ll be hard, but I feel like I have to.”

“I can respect that,” she replied with a shrug. “So when are you moving in?”

“As soon as it’s officially mine. Silver Quill said the paperwork should be finalized tomorrow or the day after. I haven’t seen her since, so I don’t know for sure when.”

“You could ask her now,” she said, nodding to our right. I looked over there and saw a very nervous and blushing Silver Quill sitting across from a grinning Cutie Dream. Silver was too nervous to have noticed us and Cutie was presumably too much of a racist to pay me any mind. They were sitting across the restaurant, so I’d have to get up to say anything.

“I think I’ll pass,” I replied as my gaze met my date’s once more.

“Ugh, you’re so antisocial," she replied. “I’ll do it.” She started to stand up, but I quickly grabbed her hoof again.

“If the servers know we know them, they might try to make us sit at a double date table. I really don’t like the person she’s with. Just wait until we’re leaving.”

Her eyes rolled and she sat back down. “Fine. Ugh, I spoil you so…” She looked down at my hand on her hoof and her horn lit up. My hand slowly lifted and turned over as she started gently playing with my fingers. “I really like your hands, Nav.”

“I really like my hands, too,” I replied. “It’s a shame they’re probably going to get mutated into something shitty.”

“You’re very pessimistic,” she idly replied as she stretched and toyed with me.

“Well, let’s see. I’m half tree, I have a dragon’s tail, I have one demon wing and one pegasus wing, all my organs are completely fucked up, and I have a vagina now. I’d say I’m just realistic. I mean, this kind of shit doesn’t happen to anyone else, just me.”

“You live a very… different kind of lifestyle,” she said with a shrug. “Which really is a shame. I wish you had a chance to settle down, Nav. You never deserved any of what happened and even if you were rewarded for your good deeds, they were still things that nobody should have ever had to go through. You’ll never understand how proud I am that you’re finally turning your life around and learning to accept who and what you are now.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.” She snorted. “That wasn’t a joke, for how little it’s worth. That’s legit something I’ve heard from at least three ponies. Probably more. And a few elementals, probably. I’m not sure I’m coping nearly as well as people think. I think Flo did something to my head and now that she’s out of me, it’s starting to crack.”

We fell silent as she slowly poked and prodded my hand and perused the menu. The cute little waitress finally came back and dropped our drinks off, then took Twilight’s order and left again. Twilight didn’t seem to be surprised that we only got one order. Thankfully, what she got was also something I could eat.

“I think you’re wrong,” she finally said, letting my hand go and looking back to my eyes. “I think Flo encouraged you to be happy with who you are and you put on a show to everyone for long enough that you started believing it, too. Now that Flo isn’t in your head anymore, you’re not getting as much positive reinforcement.”

“Well… It’s not like there’s any way to really know. The other water elementals would never tell me if Flo did fuck with my head and I have a feeling the fires would just say Flo did fuck with my brain.”

Twilight’s eyes turned blue and narrowed. “We would not lie for the sake of our sister, Navarone.”

“Yeah, but you’d lie for the sake of yourselves. All of y’all wet bitches know that if Flo fucked with my head, I’d never let one of you near me again. You want me on your side too much to ever let that happen.”

“You do us no credit, Navarone. We know the value of fair play.”

“Do you, Aqua?” She rolled her eyes. When they met mine again, they were purple. “Have I told you how much I hate Aqua?”

“Yes. She was a war hero, Nav. Did you know that?”

“So was I. And let me tell you, it doesn’t excuse her bitchy, better-than-thou behavior. She can fuck right up out my face with that weak-ass shit. And what she said doesn’t mean a single god damn thing to me. Far as I’m concerned, all elementals are liars and manipulators until proven otherwise. I don’t trust any of them at all and the one in your head is a good example of why.”

“She says you’re overly dramatic. She also just told me that I shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Yeah, I fucking bet. Point is, there’s probably no way of knowing what, if anything, Flo did to my head. Even if we cast the lie detecting spell on her, all we’ll really know is whether or not she did something, not what she actually did.”

We fell silent again and Twilight leaned back, her eyes going unfocused. Silence was fine with me, so I sighed and leaned back in the uncomfortable swan chair, wondering where in life I went wrong. When I looked around the restaurant, I saw that Cutie Dream was reaching under the table and fondling a horrified Silver Quill’s thigh. Several teenagers at other tables were either kissing or making lovey-dovey faces at each other. A part of me wondered why I couldn’t be normal and happy enough to pick a single partner. Another part of me snorted and angrily asked itself what normal really was, anyway.

Twilight finally leaned forward and quietly said, “There’s a spell that could help you, Nav.”

“See, this is why I keep you around.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Also because you’re super adorable, give nice hugs, can make me scream and beg, and are just the right shade of purple.”

“Good follow-up. The reason I haven’t suggested this spell before is because it’s extremely dangerous, Nav. It puts you in a coma where you’re confronted by your inner demons. If you can conquer them, your mind will be wholly and truly whatever you want it to be.”

“...If.”

“Some ponies are in comas all their lives after that spell is cast on them. It takes extreme strength of will to conquer yourself and it takes a lot of care to avoid turning yourself into something you don’t really want to be. Due to the risk, there aren’t many volunteers. It’s usually only used for extreme cases of trauma, where magic can’t heal what ails a patient. Even then, it fell out of practice after a princess in a neighboring kingdom was in a coma for a hundred years after getting hit by the spell. She was only saved when a prince managed to find a spell to allow him to save her. It was the origin of what became known as the Tale of Sleeping Beauty.”

“...And do you happen to know the spell that would let you help me?”

“No. But I think I can find it. It would be a huge risk, Nav. What you go through in that coma will determine who you are when you wake up. If you make the wrong move, you could come out of it as a completely different person.”

I leaned back and crossed my arms. “Would you help me?”

“...No.” My eyebrows lifted. “By which I mean, I don’t think it’s my place to help you. I’m sure Taya would be happy to help, though. I don’t know what exactly she would do, but I’m sure between the two of you, you can decide what you want going into it and what she can do to help you achieve that goal.”

“Fuck it, let’s do it.”

“This isn’t something you can just jump into, Nav!”

“The fuck it ain’t. I ain’t never gonna make up my mind about whether or not this is the right thing to do, Twiley. Way I figure, right or wrong, it don’t make no difference. I ain’t gonna live my life constantly wondering who I am. I’m done with that. Find the spell, pick a time, and let’s fucking do it. I’d rather be in a coma for the rest of my life than be someone I was forced to be.”

She was silent for a few seconds before bursting into giggles. “Oh, Nav… If only you could hear the litany of elemental curses Aqua is spouting off in my head.” She used magic to pull me forward and kissed me right on the lips, though she didn’t go for any tongue. “Never let anyone tell you you’re like a pony, Nav. You’re nothing like us and I simply adore it.”

Once she let me go, I leaned back and toyed with the glass of water for a few moments, thoughts rumbling around in my head. I finally looked back up at her smiling face and asked, “Have you ever thought about us, Twilight?”

“From the time I met you until about two years ago, I thought about nothing else,” she sighed, slumping in her chair. “You can’t imagine how badly some parts of me wanted it. I knew, intellectually, that it would never work and that you weren’t interested. But still… A chance summoning, a being from another time, another life… An intelligent, powerful, useful, male being that was delivered straight to my den by a spell I never fully understood. Some part of me thought it was a sign.”

“Uh… huh.”

She blushed bright red and squirmed slightly. “But Celestia changed you, Nav. In a lot of bad ways. You became impossible to be around. I did my best to help you adjust to your new life, but eventually, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Kicking you out was the most painful thing I have ever done and I regret it to this day.”

“Don’t. I deserved it.”

She barked a laugh. “Yeah. I suppose you did. What did you even do to Celestia to make her cry, Nav?”

“I made her admit in front of both Pinkie and Rarity that they were more important than me and that they would never be punished for raping me.” Her ears dropped and she fell silent. “Time changes people, Twilight. You said you lost interest two years ago. Have you ever thought about it since?”

“...You shouldn’t be in a relationship with Celestia, Nav,” she whispered. It honestly looked like she was close to tears. “She’s… she’s…”

“We’re not talking about Celestia, Twilight,” I quietly replied. “We’re talking about us. Our future, yours and mine.” Her ears were still down, but they were starting to twitch like crazy. When she didn’t reply after about half a minute, I said, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, recently. I’m gonna let you in on a secret. Until just recently, I didn’t think we could defeat Discord.” She gulped. “I thought I was going to die a horrible death and the cycles of extinction would continue forever. But… people have faith in me, Twilight. People believe I can do it. For the longest time, I thought I would lose, and I was okay with that. I was okay with marching blindly toward my death.”

“W-why…?”

“Because I had nothing to look forward to anyway and I’d rather spit in the eye of the devil than go down quietly. Life was misery. It was just a cycle of suffering. But I saw that there was no place for people like me, so I built one. I made a place for the damned and the suffering, a place where we can help each other overcome our horrible pasts. And it’s working. Not only do I think we can win this now, but I want to win. I want to survive. And I want to have a plan for my life when I do. I haven’t decided if that plan will include another person or not. I think I want it to, but… Well, I’m honestly afraid of commitment. But for the first time in my life, I’m looking forward to tomorrow and thinking about how I can make it better.”

“...Aqua’s not happy that you dragged the elementals into what you thought would be an unwinnable fight.”

“Aqua’s never happy.”

“Fair enough. Though she disagrees and says she’s very happy whenever you’re not around.”

“Unless your bitch of an elemental has something constructive to say, don’t relay more of her comments to me. In fact, even if she does have something constructive to say, don’t relay it. I’d honestly sooner die than let her help me.”

“Let’s get back to your heartfelt admonition,” she said. “Are you actually saying you’d… like to be my special somehuman?”

“Say boy… er, girlfriend.”

“You’d like to be my special girlfriend?”

“Just girlfriend.

“You’d like to be my special just girlfriend?”

“God dammit, Twilight. Stop being fucking adorable!” She stuck her tongue out at me. “Back to the point, you’re an option I’ve considered.”

Finally hearing it in words seemed to overload her head and a massive blush spread across her face. Her ears also got all kinds of floppy and twitchy again. It was the perfect time for our food to be delivered and I promised myself to tip the waitress very well for it. She dropped off our salad with some kind and happy words before trotting off.

She got back just in time for Twilight to recollect herself and topped off our water before fucking right back off.

“You… you’ve considered me for… your special somepony?” Twilight finally asked.

“The other people I’ve considered have made their desires known. You haven’t. If you aren’t interested anymore, I completely understand and I’m definitely happy as just friends. But when I finally decide I want to put myself on the market for an actual relationship, I want to know where you stand.”

She stared at the salad in silence for a few long seconds before her eyes met mine. “Yes,” she practically growled. “Now who’s my competition?”

“Fleur de Lis, Celestia, and possibly Rainbow Dash or Chrysalis.”

She blinked. “Rainbow Dash? Really?”

“I was surprised, too. After you turned me into a dragon and I raced her to Cloudsdale, she came onto me super hard,” literally, “and asked me out on a date.”

“Huh.”

“I told her it probably wouldn’t lead to anything. I definitely like Dash, but I don’t know if I’d want to be in an actual relationship with her. She seems kinda… immature. She’s also a lot more submissive than I like. I like women who know what they want and aren’t afraid to get it.”

“Oh, I know you do. In fact…” Her horn lit up and I felt something brush against my inner thigh. “I bet I can do some things Fleur and Celestia would never think of…”

“Celestia molested me with her hair in public once. It straight up slid down my pants and started jerking me off.” She lifted a hoof to her forehead and sighed in utter disappointment. “And I’m good for the moment, but thanks for offering. Let’s eat.” I started reaching for my fork, but she grabbed it with magic and stabbed some salad with it, then lifted it to my face. I stared at it for a moment before looking at her smirking face. “Twilight, please don’t let what I said go to your head.”

“Too late!”

“In that case, please don’t do things I hate. Like feeding me.” She rolled her eyes and let me take the fork with half of my hands. Once it was safely secured, we finally got to actually eat. I wasn’t too hungry and the dressing was way too sweet for me, so I let her devour most of it.

As soon as that was done, they brought us a dessert that neither of us asked for. It was some kind of chocolate cake in a bowl. When Twilight’s fork dug into it, we discovered that it was full of hot fudge and there was ice cream under it.

I didn’t let her devour most of that.

Once we both suitably hated ourselves, the giggling waitress dropped off the bill and topped our waters off one more time. The cake wasn’t on said bill, so I assume I just got that because Twilight was the cutest mare they had all day. Or being famous finally paid off. One or the other.

I did my best to dump half of my coin purse on the table as quietly as I could. Since it was probably around two hundred solid gold coins, it really wasn’t that quiet at all and half the patrons turned to stare at us. They got to watch me cover the pile of gold with an unused napkin and then stand to hold out a hand for my date.

Twilight took a look at my offered hand and laughed at me. She took it anyway, but stood on her own. Once she was on three of her legs, she looked at the napkin that was doing a poor job concealing a sizeable chunk of gold. “That’s a pretty big tip.”

“Never let it be said the great Navarone can’t satisfy a mare with just the tip.” She kicked me for that, but it was worth it. “Fine. It’s my money and I’ll spend it how I want.”

“That’s better.”

Since she was being a butt, we finally walked over to Silver Quill. She was doing her best to lean away from Cutie Dream, who was approaching her with a kissy face. They somehow still hadn’t noticed us until we got right at the table.

When we did, I cleared my throat. Silver Quill looked up and made a horrified sound, which made her relax enough that Cutie Dream finally swooped in and kissed my accountant right on the mouth. The mare was surprised enough that her mouth opened, letting Cutie Dream sneak her tongue in and start having fun.

“So I see your business arrangements went well,” I said with a grin.

Silver tried pulling away, but Cutie Dream had her right where she wanted her, and wrapped her wings around the poor unicorn to hold her in place as she continued to explore Silver’s mouth.

“You two are adorable together,” Twilight said. I don’t know what she was smoking, because Cutie’s color scheme was absolutely horrendous and clashed horribly with Silver’s, but whatever.

“I did kinda have a question, though. Whenever you come up for air is fine.”

Cutie finally pulled back with a giggle, though she didn’t let her prize go. “I can wait for a moment,” she said, fluttering her eyelashes at Silver.

My accountant was trying to catch her breath, but it wasn’t working very well. After maybe fifteen seconds of panting, Cutie smirked and started to lean back in for more, but Silver’s horn lit up and finally pushed the chick back. It wasn’t enough to make her wings let go, though.

“How… how can I help you, my lady?” she breathed.

“I was just wondering if you had gotten any of the paperwork done for the house yet.”

“Erm… Yes. Well, some of it.”

“I decided it was a good time for a break,” Cutie Dream said with a smirk. “I figured you’d be happy to let your employee have a good time…”

I reached in and tousled Silver’s hair, which made her squeak again. “I’m happy to give you plenty of time to pursue a relationship, Silver.” Her ears shot straight down. “But I’d really like to move in sooner rather than later. If it’s at all possible, try to have it done tomorrow.”

“I… I…”

“Consider it done!” Cutie said with a big grin. “It might take working late into the night, though. And we’d be working very close together…” Silver started squirming.

“Now that’s the work ethic I like to see,” I said with a nod. “I know you won’t let me down.”

Silver Quill gulped. “Of… of course not, my lady…”

“Now shoo!” Cutie said. “You’re cutting in on our bonding time. That’s extremely important for business partners!”

“My apologies,” I said. “By all means, don’t stop on my account.” That was all the permission Cutie needed and she swooped right back in to her strangely submissive prey.

I somehow had a feeling I wouldn’t be moving in the next day.

Twilight and I thankfully left before the waitress could discover the huge pile of bits waiting for her and the two of us aimlessly started walking. “Silver sure is shy,” Twilight said.

“Yep, seems that way. I guess she’s also afraid of public displays of affection. Still, she’s an adult and can make her own choices. If she wants to be all cute and shy with her date, that’s entirely up to her.”

“And she didn’t seem… I dunno, reluctant to you?”

“She wouldn’t have agreed to go on a date if she didn’t want it. All she has to do is tell Cutie to back off if she goes too far. I’m not gonna step in the way of whatever they have just because Silver’s shy about the first relationship she’s had since being kidnapped and forced to go through all kinds of horrible shit.”

“...Fair enough, I guess. So now what?” Twilight asked.

“I have somewhere I need to be at seven,” I said. “I’m free until then.”

Her horn lit up and a clock appeared in front of her. “It’s almost six, now. We don’t have time to write anything, but I’m sure we can find some way to pass the time…”

“I’m listening.”

As it turns out, pin the tail on the human can be a lot of fun, when you do it right.

After a quick stop on the ship for a shower and my laptop, I found myself flying back to Fleur’s house. It was past dark and I was only awake because Twilight was kind enough to give me some magical energy.

I landed in front of Fleur’s house right as Blossom walked up to the door. She spun around and fixed me with a stare that quickly turned into a smile. “Looks like I beat you here, this time,” she said as I walked over.

“Yep. Let’s get the fuck out of the cold, shall we?”

“Tch, it’s not that bad,” she replied, swatting me with her tail. It didn’t stop her from knocking on the door, though. “So how was your trip?”

“Miserable. I got tortured, almost raped to death, almost raped in general, and almost put to death.”

“What happened?!”

“I’d rather only tell that story once.” Well, one more time, anyway. Fleur opening the door cut off whatever Blossom might have said in reply. As soon as I saw the mare, I leaned in and hugged her to steal her warmth.

“Good evening to both of you,” Fleur evenly replied as she hugged me back. “Please, come out of the cold.”

“Ain’t gotta tell me twice,” I muttered, letting her go to slip inside. “It’s cold as fucking balls out there.”

“Balls are typically warm,” Fleur said as Blossom let herself in next. Once we were all in, Fleur closed the door with magic. “It’s definitely quite chilly out, though.”

“Nav’s just a big foal,” Blossom said. “It feels fine.”

“Okay, miss no blood circulation,” I shot back. “Speaking of which, you hungry? I reckon I can spare some.”

“If you don’t mind,” she said. “But I’ll wait until we’re out of the door first.”

“Katrina was just putting some tea on,” Fleur said. “Come, join us in the kitchen.” She led the way down the hall. Blossom and I walked next to each other and she occasionally bumped into me again, which was pretty uncomfortable given that she was armored. But it was adorable, so I was fine with it.

When we turned the corner, we found that the tea was apparently already done. It probably had been for a while, knowing Fleur. Kat was standing next to the stove, wearing a long flowing house-wife dress. She also put on gloves that went to her elbows and an apron, for whatever reason. She grinned ear to ear when she saw me. “Hello again, my lady.”

“Howdy. You’re taking to the role of cute bodyguard pretty well.”

That actually put a blush on her face and Fleur proudly said, “I’ve made sure she’ll have every outfit she’ll need to serve you however you require, Nav. I was delightfully pleased to find that I didn’t have to train her at all. You were quite right about her. Anyway, sit, sit. I’ll pour us some tea…”

All of us but Blossom sat as Fleur floated the hot kettle over. Three glasses were already set out. She filled them up and placed the kettle back on the stove. “Whenever you’re ready, Blossom,” I said.

“Just lean back, Nav. This won’t hurt a bit.”

I did as she said and lifted my head up to give her a better angle. She placed her front hooves on my thighs and leaned forward to lick at my neck. Once she had the right spot lined up, she gently bit down. It very lightly stung, but the pain disappeared as she suckled at the wound and stole my life forces. Once she had her fill, she licked at the wounds until they closed and sat down in the last empty chair with a sigh.

“Thanks, Nav.”

“No problem. It did hurt a little, but whatever.”

“Well, I kissed it better for you.”

“So how did you become a vampire?” Kat asked. “I’ve only known one other one and he willingly embraced it.”

Blossom’s ears began twitching slightly. “I was sent to investigate some missing ponies. It turns out there was a vampony behind the disappearances. He surprised me and my squad and took me captive. While I was his prisoner, he turned me. He thought I would rely on him for support with my newfound curse. Instead, I killed him as soon as I could. It means I know very little about my powers, but I’m learning more over time.”

“The one I know is extremely ancient and incredibly powerful,” Kat said. “He’s in charge of the assassin’s guild I betrayed. With luck, Nav and I will be able to put that beast to rest.” That would have been really good to know.

“You don’t have quite the full story,” I slowly said, looking at Blossom. “I spoke to Luna recently through some dream magic.” Fleur gasped. “She was very forthcoming. As it so happens, she knew the person behind the disappearances was a vampire and she sent you there hoping that you’d get turned.” Fleur gasped again and Blossom’s mouth dropped, revealing her fangs. “She wanted to make you utterly reliant upon her so you’d never retire and be her right hoof mare for all eternity, apparently.”

Both of them were silent for several uncomfortable seconds before Blossom’s eyes narrowed. “I’m gonna kill her.”

“Those are hasty words,” Fleur quickly replied.

“Indeed. Wouldn’t it be better to turn her?” Kat asked. “Do to her what she did to you?”

“She also told me where she was,” I said. “She’s on Mount Oberon, guarding the entrance to Tartarus.”

“Isn’t that where we’re going next?” Kat asked.

“It is.”

“Are you gonna kill her for me?” Blossom asked. It almost looked like there was hope in her eyes.

“I’m gonna put her in a position where getting killed is pretty likely,” I replied with a shrug. “But I’m not gonna actually kill her.”

“Good. It’ll feel better to do it with my own hooves.”

“I would prefer you didn’t,” I said. I finally took a sip of tea, because I knew Fleur or Kat made it and I wanted them to feel appreciated. It wasn’t terrible, but I added some sugar and cream. When I looked up from that, I realized they were all staring at me. That’s when I realized what I said actually made all three of them shut up. “What?”

“She did many awful things to you, Nav,” Fleur said. “I thought you… might have been after revenge.”

“I never really wanted to kill Luna for what she did to me,” I said. “Punishing her was enough. But even then… Over time, I learned to forgive.” Kat shifted in her chair. “It won’t be easy and it might be painful, but if I see that she’s truly learning her lesson, I’m going to forgive her for what she did to me. That said, I’ll never forgive her for what she did to you, Blossom.”

“Then why not let me kill her?” she asked.

“Because I want you to forgive her.” That made them all clam up again. “Luna wronged you, Blossom. If you want to get revenge, I won’t stand in your way. But I’ll tell you right now that it won’t make you feel better. You think you’re angry at Luna, but you’re really just angry. Once you don’t have her as your target anymore, you’ll just find something else to be angry at.”

“...That’s not something I expected to hear from you,” Fleur slowly said.

“It’s not something I ever expected to come out of my mouth,” I replied. “I’m not the person I once was.”

“I’ll… think about it,” Blossom sighed, lowering her head. “I can’t believe she… she used me like that…”

“Both sisters are evil,” I said. “Both sisters do horrible things. Both sisters use people until they use them up. Just because they’re evil doesn’t mean we have to be. Just because they wronged us doesn’t mean we have to wrong them. I’m going to do my utmost to change both of them. The horrible things they did were for good reasons. I think, over time, I might be able to win them back.”

“I believe that’s a good segue to the next topic,” Fleur said with a grin. “We need to improve our reputations.”

“Kat told me you had her working on that,” I said.

“Indeed, and never you mind how. What I am having Katrina do is not something you need to trouble yourself with.” That sounds a lot like something I should trouble myself with. “I believe we should start by discussing our lovely captain of the guard.” Three of us turned our gazes to said mare, whose eyes were now wide.

“Wait, what do you mean? What’s wrong with my reputation?” she asked.

“You’re a vampony, dear,” Fleur said. “That’s all well and fine for the ponies who know you. But some of those who don’t are concerned. A few have approached me privately and asked… prying questions. I believe the chief concern with you is that most ponies don’t understand how vamponies… work, so to say. As with everything, ponies fear what they do not understand.”

“Celestia’s censorship made information hard to find,” I sighed, leaning back. “Most of what people have to go on these days are old horror novels.”

“And a particularly atrocious piece of fiction from our humaness friend here,” Fleur said. “I don’t know why you decided to pen the Twilight saga, but it’s truly awful.”

“And also my best-selling works, as it so happens,” I replied with a smirk. Thankfully, Twilight hasn’t noticed them yet. But oh man, when she does…

“No accounting for taste, I suppose,” Fleur said, rolling her eyes. “The point is, ponies don’t understand vamponies. We need to get knowledge out there.”

“I could do an interview or something,” Blossom said. “Or put more information out in the papers.”

“We need something… bigger,” Fleur said. “An actual book might be a good place to start. Or maybe a scientific or magical study.”

Blossom actually shivered. “No thanks. Ever since the news broke, I’ve had ponies from the mage’s tower hounding me about being a magic guinea pig. I’d really rather not be eviscerated.”

“Well, we do happen to know an author,” Fleur said, turning her eyes to me.

“And I happen to know an author who’s also a scholar and a powerful mage,” I said. “Twilight Sparkle.”

Blossom groaned. “I just said I didn’t want to be eviscerated, Nav! There’s no telling what that crazy mare will do to me!”

“She’s calmed down a lot,” I said. “I can talk to her and make sure she doesn’t do anything invasive. I can also make sure what she writes is completely supportive and paints you in the best light possible. I wouldn’t have mentioned her if I thought she might hurt you or make things worse. If a book is the route you want to go, Twilight’s the one we want writing it.”

“...I wanna talk to her first,” she said. “Before she starts thinking up questions.”

“Fair enough. Just let me know when you’re ready and we’ll approach her together.”

“Another idea for improving your reputation would be attending more events,” Fleur said. “You can’t keep skipping all the important holiday functions. As the captain of the guard, that’s simply unacceptable, vampony or not. The guard must have a presence among both the common ponies and the nobles, after all. Say what you will about Shining Armor, but he was very charismatic and both the nobles and the commoners adored him. Most are either indifferent about you or they fear you. You are going to start attending parties and festivals. Wear your armor and say you’re on duty if you must, but you are going to attend them. ”

Blossom sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fiiiine.”

Fleur nodded, then turned her gaze on me. “Your problem is… slightly different. To be blunt, most ponies consider you a violent, unpredictable barbarian.” Kat snorted.

“I’d say they got me pretty well nailed down,” I replied with a shrug.

All three replied at the same time. Kat said, “Nah.”

Blossom said, “Nope.”

Fleur said, “No.”

Once that was done, Kat started with, “You’re the best leader I’ve ever served with. You’re kind, caring, charismatic at times, quick thinking, and so much more. Everyone on your ship will happily follow you to the ends of the earth.” They already have, in fact.

Blossom was next. “Most ponies would have turned me in to the princesses for what I did, but all you did was offer me more blood. You made me realize that there’s no shame in what I am. You gave me a reason to care about myself, Nav.”

Fleur was wearing a small, knowing grin. “You gave me the strength to rebel against my lifestyle. All three of us could spend all night listing reasons why you’re more than just a violent, unpredictable barbarian, but I don’t think we have to. You know the truth, even if you like pretending you don’t. Now how do you think we should proceed, Nav?”

“...I’m gonna start by saying that all three of you are adorable.” Blossom snorted, Kat smoothed some of her facial fur, and Fleur giggled. “With that out of the way, I have a few ideas. The first is to buy a house, which is currently in the works. My accountant is in the process of finishing up the paperwork to buy Stormview Estate.”

Fleur’s eyebrows lifted. “I had no idea you were that well off, Nav. That makes things much easier. When are you going to have the party?”

“I’m gonna have two, actually. One unofficial one with all my actual friends and one official one that I was hoping you’d help plan.”

“I would be delighted to,” she said with a nod. “Do you know when the paperwork should be finalized?”

“With luck, I’ll be able to move in tomorrow. It turns out that the realtor has a thing for cute shy chicks, so she started macking on my accountant. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re doing all kinds of weird things to each other right now. So it might be a few days. Not really sure. If possible, I’d like you to work with one or two of my other friends so I won’t get a party that’s nothing but boring noble bullshit.” She lifted an eyebrow. “No offense to you, of course.”

“I’m sure. Well, I should be able to assist. We’ll have to have it less than a week after you move in. Otherwise, some powerful ponies might get the wrong idea. Snubbing certain nobles is a good way to find yourself on a permanent blacklist. Did you have any other ideas?”

“Watcher suggested I do a few newspaper interviews.”

“Perfect. That was one of my thoughts as well. Part of why your reputation is so negative is because of how you treated the press. There’s nothing quite as damaging to one’s image as threatening those who can print whatever they choose about you. Blossom and I ensured they would no longer print anything negative about you, but the damage was already done. You need to do a one-on-one face-to-face interview with at least one news agency to get information about you out there. You’re a national hero, Nav. This should have happened ages ago.”

“Yeah, well, it didn’t. That’s gonna be rectified, though.”

“Indeed. Did you have any other ideas?”

“I’m afraid not,” I said with a shrug. I did not at all like the grin that came over her face. “I think those two might do it, though.”

“I doubt it,” Blossom said. “You haven’t heard some of what the day guards have said about you.”

“And you haven’t seen what some nobles have planned for you,” Kat said. “It’s surprising how vocal they are in their private diaries…”

“You were almost murdered, Nav,” Fleur said. “Ponies are afraid of you. Whispers follow you wherever you go. What you suggested will likely be enough to ease suspicions. But if you ever want more, you’ll need to put some true effort into your reputation.”

“That isn’t a conclusion I’ve come to yet,” I said.

“But on the off chance it’s an avenue you choose to explore, you’ll need the best reputation possible. I have a few additional ideas that might help.”

“Anyone else?” I asked, looking at Kat and then Blossom. I didn’t like the grins I saw on their faces. I slowly lowered my face into my hands.

“It’s not that bad,” Fleur said. “Don’t be a foal.”

“The first one isn’t that bad,” Blossom quickly said. “They get progressively worse, though.”

“I knew you three would conspire against me,” I sighed, looking back up. “Alright, go ahead.”

“Do you know why you were made the lady of nature?” Fleur asked.

“I never thought about it. I guess all the cool ones were taken.” For some reason, Kat giggled.

“That would be incorrect,” Fleur said. “You were made the lady of nature because many of the ponies consider you barbaric, close to a wild animal. Or at least, that’s the reasoning my ex-husband and I decided was most likely. Princess Celestia fears your influence and power and wants to remind all of the ponies that you have more in relation to animals than you do with us. She wants your image as a barbaric warrior solidified so none of the ponies would ever trust you.”

“...That isn’t very nice of her,” I slowly replied.

“Indeed. Part of the reason we came to that conclusion is because she gave you the Everfree Forest, one of the last bastions of untamed wilds left in Equestria. There are many violent and dangerous things in that forest, after all. But do you know what else is there?”

“Trees?” Our vampire rolled her eyes.

“Beauty,” Fleur said. “Quite a lot of it, in fact. Lovely and odorous flowers, melodic birds, buzzing little bees, fluffy white clouds, and all manner of other wonderful things. That is the persona you need to portray, Nav. The good sides of nature, not the bad.”

“And I imagine you have a pretty good idea how to go about that, huh?”

I really didn’t like the grin on her face. “As a matter of fact, I do. Katrina, would you be a dear and go fetch what you’ve been working on?”

“Gladly,” my catgirl said, standing up. She walked out of the kitchen and down the hall.

“It’s surprising how dextrous her paws are,” Fleur said. “The gloves do hinder their utility somewhat, but we’re having better ones made at the moment.”

“You should see what they can do with knives,” I said. “And her rapier, for that matter. I’ve never seen someone bleed out that fast before.”

Fleur blanched slightly and Blossom snorted. “That’s another thing,” the captain said. “Stop randomly saying morbid things. That definitely doesn’t do you any favors.”

“Ugh. I’ll try, but I’ve been doing that all my life. No promises.”

“You’ll do it or else,” Blossom said, fixing me with her special eyes.

“You can’t tell me how to live my life, you’re not my real mom!”

“Don’t make me come over there!”

“Tch. Do it, bitch! Your mom called and said you wouldn’t!”

“And that’s another thing,” Fleur quickly said before Blossom could reply. “Instigating and provoking others for no or seemingly no reason. Also, saying things just to goad somepony into reacting.”

“Man, way to suck the life out of everything.”

“Hey, that’s my job,” Blossom said. “She can suck everything else out of you.”

“Later,” Fleur said.

I crossed my arms, leaned back, and sighed. “Fiiiine. I’ll try. But again, no guarantees.”

Before Blossom could threaten me again, Kat returned with her paws behind her back and a wide grin on her face. She walked over behind me and placed something on my head, then pawed me a mirror. “What do you think?” she asked as I beheld the flower crown she apparently made for me.

“...You guys seriously expect me to wear one of these?” I asked, taking the mirror. The flowers in it were all white ones, to match my hair. It didn’t look terrible, but it felt weird.

“Yes, we do,” Fleur said as Kat reclaimed her seat. “Katrina spent a lot of time and effort making that for you, so I expect you to wear it proudly. It proclaims you as the true Lady of Nature.”

“...Are you sure it doesn’t just proclaim me as a hippy?”

“You’re wearing it and that’s final,” Blossom said. “And we’re going to make you more of them, too. There are plenty of flowers growing at all times in Canterlot, so it shouldn’t be difficult to have several types. There are a few preservative spells Fleur can use to make them hold up for much longer.”

“What if I really don’t want to?” I asked.

“Then Katrina will use her sad kitty-cat face on you,” Fleur said. “Trust me when I say none of us want that.”

“I actually do kinda want that,” I said. “I haven’t seen it yet.”

Fleur sighed and rolled her eyes, then looked at my vassal. “Katrina?”

We all looked at Kat. She took a moment to compose herself, then opened her eyes super wide, frowned as hard as she could, puckered her lower lip slightly, and her eyes grew watery. “Y-you don’t like my g-gift, Navi?” she whimpered, her voice quivering. “I put all my heart into it!”

I watched her for a few moments before nodding. “I like it. I rate it… eight out of ten. You’re about on par with Taya, but nowhere near as good as a little filly in Ponyville.” Kat sighed and dropped her sad face. “That said, I do see the perks in reminding the ponies that there’s more to me than violence. But is this really the way to go about it? I mean, I may be a chick now, but I really don’t want to come across as super feminine or whatever.”

Of course, all three of them started smirking again. “The flower crown is step one,” Fleur said. “Step two is to get you more nature-oriented outfits, many of which were going to be dresses. But now that you have a tail, they’ll likely be skirts and blouses instead. Well, aside from a few longer dresses that the tail won’t make ride up too much. I believe distancing yourself from your masculinity might help in changing your reputation. Remember, most guards and warriors in Equestria are male. Most ladies are known for grace, poise, and beauty. Once the ponies start thinking of you more as a lady, your reputation will likely be better. Dressing the part is one of the best ways to do it.”

I hate everything right now. “So what’s step three?” I asked. “And for that matter, how many steps are there?”

“It’ll be a long process,” Fleur replied. “Step three is changing your outlook and attitude. You don’t have to actually change who you are, but you have to change how you act. Step four is being seen more in Canterlot. Like Captain Blossom, you need to attend more events and parties. Those two steps will get you more contacts and allies in Canterlot and beyond. It’ll make ponies fall into line more easily should… certain events come to pass.”

“I was planning on spending a little while in town anyway,” I replied. “I guess I can spend some time out and about in the town. I’ll definitely be walking around more; Taya’s going to be with me a lot more, since I no longer trust my anti-magic ring.”

“Then so will I,” Kat purred.

“‘Kay.”

“That’s the end of the steps, for now,” Fleur said. “But I do have one more thing in mind that all three of us agree would greatly help your image.”

“And what is that?” I asked. I assumed she meant getting in a relationship of some kind, especially if it was with another noble. That would help cement my standing in Canterlot, so to say.

“Compete in the Miss Universe pageant,” Fleur sweetly said. All three of them were looking at me with wide grins.

“Nah,” I immediately replied.

“Yeah,” Kat said with a nod.

“Nope,” I shot back.

“Yep,” Blossom said, placing a hoof on the table.

“No.”

“Yes,” Fleur said. “And you’re going to hear me out, even if it requires Blossom holding you down.” I looked over at the vampire, who seemed quite eager to do so. I sighed and looked back at Fleur. “Do you know what kind of… people I am seeking out for the Miss Universe pageant?” she asked.

“I’m gonna go with beautiful ones.”

“That’s merely a bonus,” she said. “I seek powerful females, preferably leaders. Princesses, dignitaries, scientists, warriors. I want to showcase all aspects of feminine strength. This is no mere beauty pageant, Nav. This contest pits some of the most powerful females in the world against each other. The goal is to empower females, not fluff them up as mindless objects of beauty. It would be the perfect opportunity to show off how much you’ve changed. You can prove to the entire world that you’re not a barbarian.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t wanna.”

“Oh, well I guess that’s that, then,” Fleur said, shrugging.

“...Really?”

“Psh, no. Nav, this is an amazing opportunity in a number of ways. You can show off human culture, you can show off your non-lethal skills, you can get tons of free positive press, and you can show off your leadership skills. Everypony knows the pageant was your idea, too, so if you don’t even participate, it could put the entire event at risk.”

“Simple. I can just be a judge.”

“I’m your vassal,” Kat said. “Kumani’s your ex. You also know Princess Gilda already. No one would trust you to be impartial.”

“I could be… I dunno, an organizer.”

“We’re already fully staffed,” Fleur said.

“I could be a guard, in case anything happens.”

“Already taken care of,” Blossom said.

“I could—”

“Compete,” Fleur finished for me. “You could compete.”

“...I could think about it,” I very quietly replied.

“I believe it would be the best chance you have for repairing your image,” Fleur said with a nod. “You don’t even have to win, just prove that you’re more than a barbarian.”

“And no one would be bothered in the least by the fact that I used to be a guy?”

“Quite the opposite,” Fleur said. “Ponies believe in things that are, not things that were. You were male. You are female. I’ve heard several that were very curious about why it took you so long to give in to it. Competing would prove once and for all that you can live in the present instead of the past. Winning might upset some of the contestants and races, but it would still do more good for your reputation than ill. Another point that you should consider is that you could befriend all of the other contestants, so they spread the word among the various other races what kind of being you truly are. Given that all of the females are in various positions of power, it would greatly assist your image all over the globe.”

“...Fleur, are you trying to do this to me just so you can watch me suffer?”

The smile on her face turned sickly sweet. “No, Navi. We’re doing this for you because we love you. We want you to succeed, and we believe this is the best way. We want to help you overcome your suffering so you can better yourself. Friends don’t like watching other friends suffer, Nav. We might occasionally poke light at what you go through, but it still hurts us just as much as it hurts you. If you choose to go through with our plans, we’ll be there to support you every step of the way. As will all the rest of your friends, of course.”

“Doppel would love it,” Kat said. “She’s been learning a lot from Rarity about fashion, ever since she gave up wearing that maid outfit. She never learned how to make anything, but she’s been looking forward to dressing you up.”

“Once the pageant officially begins, all contestants will be assigned two bodyguards. Ever since that was announced, ponies have been requesting permission to guard you,” Blossom said. “All of them assumed you would be participating. I haven’t told any of them that you aren’t yet, because… Well, I also assumed you would be. Some of them would feel kinda let down if you didn’t.”

“...Yourself included, I take it.”

“What Fleur said is true… Navi. We care about you. You’ve been there for us every time we needed your help. We’re trying to help you become better, and if you choose not to do as we ask, it’s like saying you don’t trust us.”

“We’re all indebted to you, my lady,” Kat said. “This is our way of paying you back.”

“We didn’t conspire against you, Navi,” Fleur said. “We got together in our own free time, which is very limited I might add, and brainstormed ways to help you. It’s the same thing you’d do for any of us.”

“Except you’d actually do it to watch us suffer,” Blossom said.

“Seems silly of you to help me, then,” I replied.

She shrugged. “Maybe I’m also a little bit sadistic.”

“What female isn’t?” Kat asked. “The female assassins I worked with were the worst. I’m actually tame in comparison to some of them.”

“Anyway,” Fleur interjected. “Part of what we brainstormed is ways to help you cope with what we’re suggesting. We know it’ll be hard on you, so we’ve made plans to make things go as smoothly as possible. You won’t be alone.”

“You’re asking a lot…”

“I know, Nav. But I wouldn’t ask you to do anything I thought you couldn’t do. You’re one of the strongest beings I’ve ever known. I know you can do anything.”

“I would complain.”

“I’m a good listener,” Blossom said. All three of us looked at her and she shrugged. “I didn’t like showing my fangs off for a while, so I did a lot more listening than talking.”

“I’ve heard many deathbed confessions,” Kat said and our gazes turned to her next. “It’s amazing what people are willing to reveal when they’re on the edge of oblivion.”

“And stallions who need comfort are happy to talk when they receive it,” Fleur said. “That’s part of how I know so many secrets. We’ll be happy to listen to whatever you have to say, Nav.”

I sighed again and hung my head. “...I really don’t wanna.”

Fleur stood up and walked around the table to me. She used a hoof to lift my face up to look her in the eye. “Will you, Nav? For me?”

I didn’t hear it, but Kat also stood and placed her gloved paws on my shoulders. “Will you do it for me?” she asked, pressing the rest of her body against my chair.

Blossom burst into smoke and floated over to me, then reappeared sitting in my lap. “Will you do it for me, Navi?” she sweetly asked before nuzzling my cheek.

“I’ll… I…” My eyes looked away from Fleur and I think some dust may have gotten in them, because they seemed to water up a little. “I’ll do it… for my friends,” I quietly replied.

They all hugged me.