Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IiBnAssiXJ7lr-zGl9nkiMH50bC_3dS1PEOQN9KfEl8/edit

After a few rigorous experiments, we discovered that my tail had the same sensitive points as that of a dragon’s. Namely, pressing down right at the top of the base of the tail instantly made me wet.

As I limped down the path Blaze was giving me, I couldn’t help but think to myself, You know, life isn’t always all that bad. It was a weird thought to have and I kinda wondered where it was coming from, but I couldn’t make it go away. I guess a pessimist’s mind can’t really deal with optimism that well.

Once I got two halls away from where Blaze was being kept, I started seeing a lot fewer carpets and paintings. Decorations became even more sparse as I went until finally I was walking down a smooth and barren marble hallway. The door to his room was pure metal. Thankfully, it was already open so I didn’t have to knock.

When I walked in, I found myself looking at one bored looking Blaze, one interested looking Char, and one very disturbed looking frumpy old librarian who appeared to be very relieved to see me.

“Greetings, Navarone,” Char said with a nod. “I have been acquainting myself with this new world. The ponies are very forthcoming, though it’s hard to explain to them why I cannot read.”

“...You mean because you’re literally made of fire?” I mused, looking at the librarian for a short moment.

“Indeed. Blaze has told me of humans. What do you intend for us after Discord is dead, Navarone? As our technical creator, I imagine you have some ideas for how we can serve you.”

“Are you offering to serve me?” I slowly asked.

“Only if your goals align with my own,” he replied with a shrug. “I am a very latecomer to this alliance. I do not know what the waters intend yet. Blaze doesn’t have a plan. I’m trying to gather more information before I decide. But you will be a major player in the world, should we successfully defeat Discord. What do you plan for us?”

I looked at the librarian and said, “I think you could use a break. Go get some tea and come back in a few minutes.”

Her gaze alternated between me and Char for a few moments before she hastily nodded. “As you wish, my lady.” With that, she quickly beat feet, leaving the three (or four, if Aerie was there) of us to ourselves.

“If everything goes well, I want to use the mages at the unicorn tower to bring humans forward in time.” He started stroking at his chin and a few hints of flame picked up, making it look almost like he was stroking a beard. “I’ve been back in time before and the people who sent me there told me it would be possible to open a portal between the two. If they can make it work and if I think the world can handle it, I’ll save us from extinction. I’d like you guys to help humanity rebuild and recover however they need it. I know I have no authority to order you to do it and I wouldn’t think to try it, but I feel like working together with humanity would be a good way for you guys to impact the world.”

“I see.” He stopped stroking his face and said, “Thank you for your candor, Navarone. I’ve seen what you can do and I don’t want you against me. I’ll strongly consider aligning with the humans if you ever make that happen. I can already tell I have no place in this land as it is now. I would kill Celestia in a heartbeat if I was forced to live here. That horse is nothing but a filthy lie. A very charming and pleasant filthy lie. I have a feeling she plans to deal with all of us after Discord is handled. She’s powerful enough that she might succeed. Aligning with you would make that unnecessary.”

“...I have a vision for the future of this world,” I slowly replied. “I haven’t decided if Celestia is in it yet. I might have to work around her to kill Discord.”

“That woman is a monster,” Blaze flippantly replied. “Even the waters talk about how evil she is, and you know how bad they are. I have a feeling Brook is planning on talking to you about replacing Celestia with you.” He snorted, sending a few flames flying. “Especially after her last talk with you. That water spun you a pretty little tale, human, and you lapped up every word. I might support you against Celestia. But if I thought Brook was using you as a proxy, I’d back Celestia in an instant.”

I lifted a hand to the bridge of my nose for a moment to try to hide my annoyance. “Blaze, I’m not against any elemental,” I finally said, lowering my hand again. “Water, fire, air, or earth. I will not support the waters if they ever suggest hurting you. But that doesn’t mean I won’t take their support if it’s offered. I value their opinions. I also respect their abilities. I don’t want anything bad to happen to any elemental and I’ll do my best to make sure nothing bad does happen to any of them.” Char started to speak, but I cut him off with, “Except Aqua, because absolutely fuck that bitch. I would kill her if I thought I could get away with it.” I nodded at Char to show I was done.

“Given what you told me about bringing humans forward, I didn’t think you intended to harm us,” he said. “My brother is rightfully paranoid about the water elementals. I share a few of his reservations, but I am going to try to mend fences as I can and make them realize we are all on the same team.”

“When this is over, I am going to kill Mist or die trying,” Blaze said with a nod. “End of story. I will go through as many of her sisters as I have to, but I will kill her. Warn her if you desire. It won’t stop me.”

Char rolled his eyes. “That’s what I’m talking about when I say I’ll try to mend fences. I’m not holding my metaphorical breath.” Blaze snorted again.

I knew nothing I said to Blaze would change anything, so I didn’t bother trying. “Anyway, I think you know why I’m here,” I said, looking at him.

Blaze held up one of his arms. I walked over and grasped it. His essence left me and I suddenly felt very cold in my skimpy outfit. “I want you to think very carefully, Navarone,” he said, still holding onto my hand. “Think about who you really are. From what I have seen and from what others have said, Flo might have tinkered with your brain. It’s very possible that my brother and I are the only means by which you can restore yourself. I understand that you are reluctant to trust us. But those things are poison, Navarone. Insidious and delicious poison that makes you smile as it kills you. Brook told you her way was the only way to kill Discord. Walking that path will kill you just as sure as failing against him, it’ll just leave your corpse around walking.”

“...I know,” I softly replied. “I have a very hard decision to make.”

“What is killing Discord really worth to you?” he asked. “Is it worth sacrificing yourself? I could possibly come to respect that decision. If it works, I will respect you even more. Not that it would mean much, since you would be dead.”

“He killed my entire race,” I said. “And he hurt my daughter. I want him dead. I don’t know how to do it yet. If I decide that the water elemental way is the right way, will you still support us?”

“...I will never be friends with them. But I want Discord dead just as much as you do. I know the fire elemental way will not work. I know the air elemental way will not work. I detest the water elemental way and can’t help but question if such a victory would be worth it. I am quite eager to see what the earth elemental has to say. But if he doesn’t have a plan… Then yes, Navarone. I will support you if you decide to let the water elementals kill you. Though I very dearly hope it will never happen.”

“You and me both,” I sighed. With that, he finally released my hand. I instantly felt even colder.

“What are your immediate plans?” Char asked, looking at me.

“I’m going to relax indefinitely,” I replied. “The next leg of my journey is Tartarus and I want more information before I do anything. I also want all of my affairs in order before I leave, in case I never come back. And of course, I need some time off after the horror shows I’ve been through.”

“Ah. Stress is a very big thing for mortals. I understand that you need to take time away from the world. I am going to learn as much as I can in our time of peace. Where would you recommend that I begin?”

“Twilight Sparkle,” I immediately replied. “If she can’t answer your questions, she’ll know where to go to find answers. Unfortunately, Celestia’s censored a lot of history, so you won’t find anything useful unless you go out of Equestria.”

“I see. I will continue picking the brain of the librarian and then go seek out this Twilight Sparkle. I must know the ways of this world if I seek to be a part of it.”

“If there’s any way I can help you, let me know,” I said. “Just remember that I’m also a pretty big outsider here. I’ve read a lot of books, but I didn’t get much out of them.”

“And if I can assist you, do not hesitate to ask,” Char said, bowing his head.

“Of course. That said, and no offense, but I really hope I don’t need it.”

“Understandable. Thank you for being open and honest with me, Navarone. If I ever decide that our interests do not align, I trust you will take nothing that happens personally.”

I shrugged. “You guys are your own people. It took me a little while to realize that you may technically be machines, but you’re machines that might as well really be alive. I understand that what you want for yourself and the world might not be what I want for you and the world. If that’s the case, I’ll be happy to part ways amicably.”

“Well, you’ve given my brother and I quite a lot to discuss,” he said. “I will keep what you had to say silent, if that is your desire.”

“It is,” I replied. “There are some parties that would be very interested in my plans for the future.” And I really hope said parties aren’t eavesdropping on me right now. “I want those parties kept out until it’s time to let them in.”

“Then I shall hold my tongue,” he said. “Farewell for now, human.”

“See you when I see you, fam,” I said with a nod. I let myself out and started walking back to the ship. Once I was alone and a few halls away, I stopped and pressed a hand against the wall to collect myself. No elementals in my head. Finally all alone up there. Man, what the fuck now?

After taking a few moments to myself, I got my shit together and continued walking. I still had a lot to do and I couldn’t waste the entire day on soul searching.

Since I was in an unfamiliar part of the castle, I got lost once or twice on the way back. Eventually, I found a door to a terrace I had never been on and just flew to my ship from there. It may have been considered bad form or crass or whatever, but I’m impatient and fuck da police.

When I got there, I found Spike sitting on the side of the deck, right up against the rails. His legs were kicked out and dangling over the side and he was just staring at the city. I really wanted to talk to him, but I was freezing my ass (and vagina and nipples) off, so I landed right next to the door and let myself in before he realized I was even back. Thankfully, the inside of the ship was a lot warmer.

Once I got to my room, I found that Taya was awake, but still sprawled out on my bed. “Good morning, mommy,” she said with a yawn. “Where have you been?”

“In the palace. I needed to talk to some people.” She finally sat up. “I’m glad you’re awake. I needed to talk to you, too.” Her ears flopped straight down. “...Why did your ears just flop?”

That made them jerk right back up. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Taya, I literally just watched your ears flop. That only happens when ponies are freaked out. Are you that afraid of talking to me?”

She flinched and her ears started twitching like crazy. “N-no,” she said, her eyes looking away. “It just made me… nervous.”

“Why?” She grunted unintelligibly. “That wasn’t an answer, Taya.”

“I… I dunno…”

I stared down at her. She was still looking away and her ears were still twitching. She very much did know, she just didn’t want to tell me. “I love you. Tell me you know that.”

“I do!” she hastily replied, her eyes finding mine again.

“Say it.”

“I… I know you love me, mommy…” Her eyes didn’t leave mine.

“Why did me wanting to talk make you nervous, honey? You can trust me with anything. You know that. What’s bothering you?”

Her ears flopped down again and she laid back down. I sat down next to her and began stroking her cute little ears. “You… you always talk about… how creepy it is when I smell you,” she whispered. “And about how creepy so many other things I do are… Like wearing your clothes, or making sure you eat… I don’t… I don’t really know how to show that I love you, mommy. But I do! And I’m doing everything I can! I try not to be weird, I try not to be creepy, but it’s all I know!”

Oh boy. It looked like she was on the verge of tears, so I swooped in and hugged her. “I love you, Taya. You are my daughter. Weird and creepy or not. Human children are different. They wouldn’t do a lot of the things you do. Even now, I’m still trying to get used to the way things are here. That’s just another aspect of it. I won’t ask you to stop because I know you like doing that stuff. I’m okay with it.”

“You… you never want to do anything with me… You always seem to avoid spending time with me…”

“Taya, if I could spend every waking moment here with you, I absolutely would. Unfortunately, I have responsibilities.” She started to say something else, but I decided to be rude and continue. “That said, that’s the reason I wanted to talk to you today.”

“What… what do you mean?” she slowly asked.

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but the key cursed Kat,” I said. She gasped. “It was a doozy of a curse, too.”

“Is she okay?”

“I mean, she’s not physically hurt. But she’s in a really bad place. The point is, the curse on the gender stones was pretty bad. The curse on the key was really fucking bad. I’m not gonna find out what the curse for that ring is. I’m going to lock it in my box and hope I never have to touch it again. That’s gonna leave me really vulnerable to magic. I wanted to ask if you’d like to spend a lot more time with me while I do my day to day stuff so you could help keep me safe.”

She seemed to freeze in place for a few seconds before it finally clicked. “REALLY?!” she gasped, spinning around in my arms to face me. Her eyes were wide and she was grinning ear to ear.

“Really,” I said with a nod. “If it means giving yourself wings, so be it. I should have done this sooner, but I’ve been so blinded by… other things.” Like the ability to have weird and kinky sex at the drop of a hat. “But I’m definitely doing it now. Are you interested in being mommy’s little guardian angel?”

She finally hugged me back, so tight it almost hurt. “Yes! Yes yes yes, a million times yes!”

“It comes with rules,” I hastily said, struggling to breathe.

“I agree to every one of them,” she immediately replied without letting go.

“Then let’s go eat, get properly dressed, and get going.”

Thankfully, she finally let me go. “Get dressed?” she asked. “What do you mean?”

“One of the rules is that if I have to dress up, you have to dress up. We’re about to be walking around Canterlot, so we’re going to need to be at least a little presentable. If you don’t like it, you can stay here.”

“Then I’ll dress up,” she said with a firm nod. Then she smiled. “Let’s get breakfast, mommy.”

“‘Kay.” She finally hopped out of bed and led the way out. I followed behind her, for some reason unable to wipe a smile from my face. That said, I also didn’t feel a need to.

Sunny Disposition was delighted to cook us a scrumptious meal. Well, delighted might be a strong word, but she did it and she was smiling. That might have only been because I was playing with her ears, but I didn’t hold it against her.

Once we had been fed, we each went into our rooms to get prepared for the cold as shit day. That was a lot less intensive for her, so she quickly found herself watching me struggle to put clothes on around my tail. After I tried on the third pair of pants, her horn lit up and I felt myself suffusing with warmth. “You know I could just do this, right?” she asked.

All these cute winter clothes, yet… Wait, where the fuck did that thought come from? “Works for me,” I said with a nod. That widened my options quite a lot and five minutes later, we walked down the hall to Watcher’s room. His door was open and he was using his tiny writing desk to make notes. “I’m about to go see Silver,” I said. “We’re probably gonna be looking for houses after that.”

“I’ll meet you at the hotel in a few minutes,” he said. “I just want to finish this passage.”

“See you there, old man,” I said with a nod. He snorted and went back to writing.

After that, my daughter and I wandered into the palace. Spike wasn’t on the deck anymore, so talking to him would have to wait. I had the laptop in a bag hanging at my side. I also had the naga dagger strapped to my lower back so I could draw it very easily, though I wasn’t expecting to need it. Thinking about the dagger made me think about the naga, too. “Where’s Ames?” I asked when I was sure we were alone. “I figured I would have seen him by now.”

“Back home,” she replied. “Doppel and Zecora are visiting Ponyville. Gilda’s back in Gryphus.”

“Damn, I kinda wanted Doppel’s opinion on the house we’re about to buy.”

“...We’re about to buy a house?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Can I pick my own room?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that where we’re going now?”

“First we have to talk to Silver Quill to see if she’s found any for us to look at yet. That’s where we’re going now.” She fell silent and we continued the walk through the palace in peace. Thankfully, there weren’t any annoying people waiting for me in the main entryway of the palace, so we got out to the front quickly. When we passed the area where Spike and I had landed yesterday, I idly noted that all the damage from our claws and Twilight’s spell had been fixed.

I had flown to the hotel with Smiles before, so I honestly didn’t know how to get there by walking. One of the guards gave me directions and we headed out. One of the selling points of the hotel is that it was close to the palace, so it only took us about seven minutes to get there. The two of us got plenty of stares on the way, though the vast majority were reserved for me and my tail. It was wagging a lot more than I liked, but I would have liked not having it at all, so whatever.

Once we got to the hotel, the doormen let us in and we walked up to the front desk. “How can I help you, Lady Navarone?” the cute receptionist asked.

“I’m looking for a guest by the name of Silver Quill,” I replied. “Can you tell me what room she’s in?”

“Give me just one moment to check the book,” she said, reaching over and grabbing a large red book. She opened it and started looking through. Once she found what she was looking for, she looked back up. “For legal purposes, I need you to confirm your name and either submit to a changeling test or show me some of your blood,” she said.

“My name is Lady Navarone of the Everfree Forest,” I said, then reached back to pull out my dagger and very gently poke one of my fingers. It bled amber.

She seemed a little taken aback by the color, but quickly nodded. “Thank you, my lady, and my apologies. We’ve had married ponies hide here from abusive spouses before, so our policy is to never give a room to anypony unless we’re given permission first, and we have to confirm that the pony… or human we’re giving permission to is the correct one.”

“No worries, I get it,” I said. Taya used magic to gently pull my hand over to heal the finger while the chick looked back down.

“She’s in room 213,” she said. “That’s on the second floor.” She nodded to our left, where we saw an elevator with another employee standing in front of it. “He’ll be happy to show you the way.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“You’re welcome, my lady. Have a nice day.”

“You, too.” With that, Taya and I walked over to the elevator.

“How can I help you today, Lady Navarone?” the dude asked.

“I need to go to room 213,” I said.

He reached out and tapped the up arrow and the elevator immediately opened. “Right this way.” Taya and I entered the elevator behind him and he used a lever to select the second floor. We went right up and then he led us to Silver’s room. Once we were there, he bowed and returned to the elevator while I knocked.

I swear to god I heard a fucking squeak as soon as my knuckles hit the door. Thankfully, she got over it quickly and practically sprinted it to the door, then cracked it open and peeked out. When she saw it was just us, she smiled, closed the door to remove the lock thing, then opened it all the way. “Welcome back, my lady,” she said with a bow. “How was your trip?”

“Absolutely beyond shitty,” I replied. “Did you have any luck?”

Her eyebrows lifted when I said my trip was unfun. “Did you get hurt?”

“Well, I got tortured, so yes.” She gasped. “I also got captured and imprisoned by three different dragons. Anyway, not important. What about you?”

“I… I didn’t get hurt at all, my lady!”

“Good. Now did you have any luck?”

“Um…” She looked a little uncertain about what I had just said, but thankfully finally seemed to realize that I didn’t want to talk about it. “Yes,” she finally said. “I found three different houses that fit the minimum requirements you gave me. One’s been on the market for a while and it’s in pretty bad condition, so the price is a lot lower. The other two are fairly new and I expect them to get snatched up quickly. The realtor promised to give you a chance to look at them before she sells them, but that she wouldn’t guarantee us anything past that.”

“Neat. When can we organize a viewing?”

Her eyebrows lifted. “Already?”

“Is there a reason to wait?”

“Well… I don’t suppose there is. It’s right around the holidays, so not too many ponies are looking to move. I imagine she’s in her office. If she has time, we could do it right now.”

“Is now a good time for you?”

She looked back into her room for a moment before flinching slightly and looking back at me. “Of course, my lady,” she happily said.

“...If now is bad, we can wait.”

“No, it’s fine.” She hopped out of her room and closed the door behind her with magic. As soon as she did, she gasped and her face turned bright red. “My key!”

“And your jacket,” I said, crossing my arms. “I’m not in that big of a hurry.”

“Oh. I-it’s just…” She sighed and hung her head. “I’ll get them later…”

“You’re not gonna freeze to death, Silver. We can just go get them to unlock it for you.”

Taya rolled her eyes her horn lit up. I heard a clicking and the door opened itself from the other side. “I kinda question the point of the lock, now,” Silver slowly said.

“I didn’t even know you could do magic without a line of sight,” I said as Silver walked back in for her things.

“If you know what you’re using magic on, you can,” Taya said. “Well, certain magic. I don’t think I could create a fireball somewhere I couldn’t see, but I can move simple objects.”

“That’s real fucking neato,” I said. Thankfully, Silver didn’t take very long. She was wearing a jacket, a scarf, and a hat that fit around her horn. She closed the door behind her and we all went back to the elevator.

When we got to the ground floor, we discovered that Watcher was waiting for us. He was bundled up in a sweater, a long jacket, pants, and some kind of head wrap. “Not too often I get to take three lovely ladies on a date at the same time,” he said with a grin.

“It’s not too late to leave you behind, old man,” I said. “Looking at how you’re dressed, it might not be a bad idea anyway.”

“Tch. When you get to be my age, you’ll understand,” he said. “The cold cuts me right to the bone.”

“You survived the Arctic and the Antarctic. You’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, but I’ll still complain. It’s what we old ponies do!”

That made Silver Quill giggle, surprisingly. “Don’t encourage him,” Taya quickly said, which only served to make her laugh more.

“As long as you’re complaining and walking, I don’t care,” I said. “Let’s go.” He began grumbling, but thankfully followed me out. Once we got outside, Silver Quill took the lead and we started walking through Canterlot.

“Gourd and I have been talking,” Watcher said. “We think you can cut the bits we get back. Now that all the back-pay is dealt with and the ship is running fine, we no longer need to be able to get three thousand bits a month. Our rough estimate is one thousand bits a month.”

“That won’t be enough,” Silver immediately said without even looking back. “At minimum, you’d need twelve hundred bits a month. If you ever plan on traveling further west than Appaloosa or across the ocean, you’d need at least two thousand. Docking fees, labor costs, and trade tariffs will eat through two to three hundred bits before you can even start trading in some cities. And given the size of our ship and its speed, turning a worthwhile profit on most goods would be difficult without buying at least a thousand bits worth of anything.”

“I’ll defer to your wisdom,” Watcher said, bowing his head. “We’ll settle at two thousand for now.”

“I have a better idea,” I replied. “Let’s settle on three thousand. That way none of us have to do work. It’s not like it matters if there’s any extra left over and I won’t miss too much of the money anyway.”

“...As you wish,” Watcher replied.

“How many of your soldiers have their own houses in Canterlot?” I asked. “I honestly doubt we need a house big enough to fit everyone.”

“Most of them do,” he said. “Those that don’t have been staying with those that do. And they won’t all actually need rooms, but you never know what the future might bring. You have the right to have several guards and you’ll have to leave a few of them here when we go to Tartarus. You’ll also need to hire another servant or two to help take care of the place, since Doppel won’t be able to do it alone and you might bring her with us when we leave as well.”

“I’ll keep an eye and an ear out,” I said. “But we have to pick a place before we can really start assessing what and who we need for it.”

“Don’t hold your breath for another slutty changeling maid,” Watcher said. “Even your luck isn’t that good.”

“Don’t doubt my luck,” I said. “That said, I’d prefer someone relatively normal for my public front. I already have enough weird rumors going on about me. I’d rather not hire another sex-crazed anything.”

“Wise. Truth be told, I honestly don’t know how Doppel does it. I know some of the mares I’ve spent quality time with complained about aches and pains the next day.”

“She’s very stretchy,” I said with a shrug. “And her changeling powers definitely help. That said, I know what you mean. One particularly rough stallion is enough for me, most of the time.” That’s when I noticed that Silver Quill and Taya were both blushing bright red and Silver was looking down. I decided there were better times and places to discuss my sexual habits. “I’m sure it won’t be hard to find a good maid or butler in Canterlot.”

“You’d be surprised,” Silver said, getting over her blush. “Good ones don’t tend to job hop. I worked for a noble once who had servants who had been working for their family for generations. That’s not uncommon, apparently. You’re a special case and you might attract more ponies willing to work for you.”

“I doubt it,” Watcher quietly said. “Your reputation in Canterlot is… weird. Several of my troops have been asked by reporters why they work for you. A few of them have also been asked if you’ve tried taking advantage of them. You might have trouble finding employees here, unless they already know you beforehoof.”

God dammit. “I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it,” I sighed.

“Yes ma—Wait, what?”

“I said I’ll deal with it later. Fleur might have some suggestions.” Then again, she still hadn’t hired one the last time I was in town, so maybe not.

“I suggest doing a newspaper interview,” Watcher said. “A few of them, maybe. Ponies have been curious about you ever since you appeared, Nav. You haven’t made finding anything concrete easy. Seeing that you’re willing to do an interview would put a lot of ponies at ease.”

“We’ll see,” I quietly replied. Thankfully, he dropped it and we continued in silence. He was right and it was something that I had been considering for a while. I was planning on asking Fleur and maybe Blossom to see what they thought before I committed to it, though.

A few minutes later, Watcher started talking again. “I went to the mage’s tower before you left and got to speaking to some of the mages there. They wanted me to pass on an invitation. The Seven would like to talk to you.”

“The Seven? Is that like their leaders or something?”

“Yes. They’re the heads of the seven schools of magic in the tower. There are several things they’d like to discuss with you, but they wouldn’t tell me any particulars. I told them I’d discuss it with you.”

“I’ll go see what they want one of these days,” I replied. “I doubt it’s anything too important or they’d send me an actual invitation.”

“They did. It went to your house in Ponyville, where I assume it’s collecting dust.”

Note to self: Check my mail when I get time. “I guess I’m in for a busy few weeks, then. Would it be bad form to send Doppel in my place to some of these things?”

All three of them immediately replied, “Yes.”

“Just checking.” That shut them up again and we finally got to the realtor’s office in silence.

Like most buildings in Canterlot, this place was incredibly overdesigned and uncomfortably garish. Looking at it made me wonder how much work I’d have to put in the house I was about to buy to make it look decent.

Watcher opened the door for us with magic and we all entered. Turns out, the place was styled like an office building with multiple businesses. A single secretary was sitting at the front and she looked up with a smile when we entered. Surprise flashed across her face for a short moment when she saw me and what was obviously a night guard, but she hid it quickly and asked, “How can I help you today, my lady?”

“We’re here to speak to the realtor,” I said.

“Cutie Dream, not Lucky Flower,” Silver quickly said. “Do you know if she’s in?”

“She’s in the fourth office to the left,” the secretary said. “If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you,” Silver said as our little group started going to the left hallway. The realtor’s door was closed, so Silver politely knocked.

There was a loud bang on the other side of the door. It went silent for a moment before the door swung wide opened, revealing a neon green pegasus with bright red hair, yellow highlights on her wings, and a face covered in freckles. Looks like someone lost the genetic lottery. God damn!

She looked at all of us quickly before picking me out. “So she does work for you!” She held a hoof out to me. “My name is Cutie Dream, Lady Navarone. Nice to meet ya!”

I took her hoof with one of my hands. Before I could start shaking it, she gripped my hand harder than should have been possible with a hoof and started slamming her hoof up and down, almost wrenching my arm out of its socket.

When she finally released me, I almost stumbled back, but Taya thankfully braced me with magic. “Nice to meet you,” I said, trying to hide the pain in my voice. “This is Taya, my daughter, and Watcher, one of my vassals. I believe you already know Silver Quill.”

“Is your name really Watcher?” she asked the old dude.

“No. It’s a nickname I’ve had for some time.”

“Oooh, what’s your real name?”

“I use a nickname for a reason.”

Her head tilted and she looked confused for a moment. Finally, she reached forward and booped him. “I’m gonna call you Pookie!”

“I’d prefer you didn’t.”

“Too bad!” She looked back up at me, still grinning widely. “So how can I help you, my lady?”

“I’m looking to buy a house in Canterlot,” I replied. “Silver told me you had three on the market that fit my needs. Are you available to show me any of those now?”

“Yep! Just give me a moment and I’ll be right out!” She hopped back and slammed the door. We heard her rummaging around for a few seconds before the door popped back open and she pranced out. She used a wing to close it behind her and then locked it with a key on a large key ring completely full of keys. “Which one do you wanna see first?” she asked when the door was secured.

“Whichever’s closest, I guess,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t know enough about the three to know offhand which I’d prefer.”

“You mean offhoof?” she asked.

“No, I mean offhand.”

“Oh. What does that mean?”

“Offhoof.”

“...So you did mean offhoof!”

“No, I didn’t. Just because they mean the same thing doesn’t mean they can be used interchangeably.”

She stared at me for a few seconds in silence before shrugging. “I guess they let just anypony be nobles these days. Anyway, come along! The closest one isn’t too far.” She started skipping away, not unlike how Pinkie typically walks. Some part of me knew I was in for a long day.

We all followed her, though Watcher did so as sullenly as he could and Taya seemed pretty annoyed. At this point, we were all used to dealing with weirdos, so one more didn’t bother me too much.

Her constant chattering was pretty off-putting, but Silver Quill seemed happy to chatter right back. It meant I got to stare at their asses, so I definitely wasn’t going to complain.

The first house was about a ten minute walk from Cutie’s office and I could see the palace poking up over the buildings in front of it. I’d wager it was about a fifteen minute walk to it. It might have been twenty minutes or half an hour to Fleur’s house, which would likely cut down the number of times she’d want to visit.

It was a single huge building with a tower rising out of the middle of it as a sky port. The top of the tower was shaped sort of like a flower bud and the tower itself looked sort of like a flower stem. The front of the building was covered in grand windows and balconies, several of which had little gardens full of roses on them. I don’t know how they had roses growing in the winter, but they were definitely pretty. The front of the house, including the large wooden double doors, was painted pale red.

“This is Rosepetal Hall,” Cutie Dream said when she got up to the doors. “The previous owners… Um… Well, you might have known them,” she said, looking at me. “They’re no longer with us, I’m afraid. Well, how about the tour?”

“...I’m not comfortable living in a house where I killed one owner and was responsible for the other being imprisoned,” I said. “Are the other two houses the same?”

“Oh, no. One’s been on the market since before you even got to Equestria and the other was owned by somepony who moved out west. So how about that tour, huh? It’s lovely on the inside, and since one previous owner was viciously killed and the other was dragged kicking and screaming from her ancestral home before being imprisoned for life, they left all the furniture! I mean, really, it’s a steal of a deal!” Her smile dropped for just a moment before suddenly jerking back up. “Wrong pun. I mean, it’s a killer deal!” She winked at me.

“...Let’s see the next one.” I couldn’t tell if she was trying to piss me off or if she was just an idiot, but she was starting to do a good job of it.

Her head dropped almost to the ground and she sighed. “Fiiiine.” Oh yeah, she’s definitely pissing me off. She almost immediately perked back up and said, “Right this way!” We followed as she started prancing along to the next one.

Before we left that block, I noticed a whole lot of ponies staring at me and whispering. I definitely didn’t like the tones I was hearing. That stupid bitch had to remind everyone I murdered some people for questionable reasons. There was a lot I needed to do to fix my reputation, especially if I ever wanted the people’s support if I had to overthrow Celestia. If I didn’t have most of the country’s support, they’d rebel in a heartbeat.

But that was part of what I was trying to accomplish by buying a house, so I put it to the back of my mind.

This time, Miss Cutie Dream started trying to talk to Taya. After the first few questions that Taya answered as monosyllabically as possible, Cutie stopped walking for a moment until we caught up and then walked right next to my daughter to start talking more quietly. Taya hopped to my other side and pressed herself against me, so the stupid bitch just started talking across me. Taya answered a few more questions before just resolutely staring ahead, ignoring her.

That didn’t stop the questions, though. Thankfully, getting to the next house did. As soon as Cutie saw it, she gasped and sprinted to the front of the group before continuing to prance up to the front door. Taya shivered and stepped away from me.

“This home is called Stormview Estate,” she happily said. “You’ll see why when we get to the backyard!”

“...Actually, I can see why now,” I said, looking over the top of the house. We were pretty close to the end of the city, the edge of the mountain. This house was facing Cloudsdale, where all the storms roll in from. I could see several dark clouds bristling with snow coming our way. It would probably be a day before they got here. Living there would be really nice with helping prepare for the weather.

The house itself had two large towers on both sides of the main building, docking ports for airships. One was vaguely shaped like a thick lightning bolt. The other was styled after a tornado. There were doors at the bottom of the towers that led to what looked like small warehouses. The walkways between them were covered by little wooden roofs.

A large wrought iron fence surrounded the front. Each pole was tipped by alternating lightning bolts and sharp snowflakes. Once the fence reached the end of the property, it went deeper in as an ornate stone wall, though I couldn’t see how far back the wall went.

The three buildings I could see were made from fairly dull grey stones, presumably to look like storm clouds. The roof of each building looked to be slate and they were all fairly sharply angled. It looked like some of them were shiny. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was some kind of enchantment that made them waterproof. All of the windows had heavy shutters that one could easily pull to block out the rain. It looked like the main building had four floors.

The double doors were very heavy looking dark wood. The door handles were shaped like little black clouds and looked to be made out of metal. The key hole in them was shaped like a rain drop.

“Well, you can also see when we get to the backyard! So how about that tour?”

“Right behind you,” I said with a nod.

Her grin stretched wider and she started sorting through her keys until she found the one that ended in a rain drop. “These doors are made of Everfree Ebony hardwood,” she said as she unlocked them. “They’re one of the hardest woods known to ponykind!” She slowly pushed the doors open, revealing the entryway. The walls were painted blue and the ceiling was painted with a mix of grey colors, looking somewhat like rolling clouds. There was a fairly low amount of light in there, cast from a single light in the middle of the entrance.

“I’m sensing a theme here,” Watcher muttered as we walked inside.

“You nailed it on the head, Pookie!” He grit his teeth. “I know it’s hard to imagine, but the original owner really liked storms! He was a famous weather pony who earned the status of noble after fighting a rogue storm heading toward Canterlot. Unfortunately, weather busting didn’t pay as much as he was thinking when he had this place built. He went bankrupt less than three months after the house was built and had to give the place up! After that, his entire family line went destitute. Isn’t history great?”

“I can’t believe he only had to stop a storm,” Taya said. “Mommy had to do all kinds of heroic stuff to become a noble!”

“Oh, this was after a lot of nobles mysteriously disappeared,” Cutie said, waving a hoof. “The princess was desperate for powerful and popular supporters, so she started making all kinds of ponies into nobles!” She began trotting further in before suddenly stopping. “Well, all kinds of ponies.” She looked back at me. “Only ponies.” With that, she continued, humming quietly.

The entryway wasn’t too terribly long. It ended in a large hall that branched off in all directions. There were two spiral staircases that led up to balconies on all four floors that overlooked the main hall. There was enough floor space that you could probably host a small party in that room alone.

The first place she led us was to a living room type area to the right. It had some cloud-shaped furniture. She told us all kinds of boring bullshit about it, since it was apparently included. After that, we hit up the dining room on the left of the large hall. It was large enough to fit fifteen to twenty people. It was connected to the kitchen, which was at least three times the size of the one I had in Ponyville. One wall had a door and a staircase leading to a cellar, which is where we got to explore next. It was large and entirely open, aside from several pillars that probably supported the house. It would be a perfect training room.

When we got back upstairs, we went to the main hall and then straight ahead. The room it led to had one wall that was just a huge window facing out into the back yard. There were two more buildings to the left and a fairly large copse of trees on the right. In the middle of the yard was a fountain that was shooting out rainbow liquid. On the edge of the cliff, there was a single huge weeping willow tree that hung over the edge. A narrow spiral staircase led up right outside of the door. I guessed it went to the other floors.

There were several small circular tables in that room and a bar on the wall opposite of the window. A few glass doors led out into the yard. Apparently that room was used primarily to view storms as they rolled in. It definitely gave us a very good view of the snow storm that was heading our way and I had a feeling that it would be a great place to have guests over for tea.

After that, we walked back to the main hall again and went into the closed door on the right. It led to a staircase that went spiraling up. That was one of the airship towers. Once we got to the top (Watcher elected to stay at the bottom because he was lazy and old), we found a dumbwaiter that could be used to lower or raise cargo. We’d still have to use a platform from the ship itself if we wanted to move anything large, but it would help with small stuff.

The other tower was apparently the same, so we skipped it and went up a layer. That floor was where most of the hirelings usually lived, people like guards and servants. There were several rooms. All of them were kinda small, but cozy, and had everything they needed. That included a small bathroom for each. There were also several rooms for supplies and a small kitchen where they could prepare any meals without being in the way downstairs. There was another, smaller storm-viewing room at the back of the house. A glass door led to the spiral staircase that went up the length of the building.

It looked like the third floor was meant for the vassals or any guests. The rooms were much nicer and larger. There were also fewer of them. That floor didn’t have a kitchen, but it did have a large bathing room with a very sizeable bathtub. It looked large enough to basically be a pool, but we were repeatedly assured it was only for bathing, despite what that orange-haired carrot farmer hussy was saying. I had no clue what Cutie was talking about and was finally going under the assumption that she was insane.

That floor also had a fairly sizable storm-viewing area that connected to the same staircase.

The top floor was obviously for the owner and his family. Half of the floor was taken up by a single sizeable bedroom. It was, of course, the back of the house. One wall was just a huge window covered in very fluffy curtains that could be drawn or closed at will. A simply massive bed that faced the window dominated one corner of the room. Another side was taken up by a small office space. There was a bathroom in there that was taken up almost entirely by a huge bathtub that had water jets and bubble makers and all kinds of other fancy bells and whistles.

Watcher tried claiming that room. I stared at him and lifted an eyebrow. He hung his head, sighed, and muttered something about it being worth a shot.

For the record, it wasn’t.

There were four other rooms up there, two on both sides. Each was also very nice, though nothing at all like the master bedroom.

Once we got done in the main building, Cutie led the way down the narrow spiral staircase outside, where we got to get a better look at the backyard. The rainbow fountain was still going, despite the freezing temperatures. The copse of trees was mostly grey and leafless at the moment, which let me see that there was a gazebo in the center and a few rocking chairs hung out between some of the trees. Apparently most of them were peach trees and were covered in beautiful flowers in the spring and summer.

One of the buildings in the back was a little gardening shed. There weren’t any tools in it, but stocking it wouldn’t be difficult. I didn’t know if I really wanted to hire a gardener, but having tools on hand would be wise. The other building was a workshop, which would be perfect for Jak.

The cliff’s edge didn’t have any kind of rail or fence on it. The stone walls did lead to the edge, at least. One of the previous owners supposedly got really fucked up on salt one day and fell to his death while frolicking in the heavy rain. He supposedly never saw the edge, but it’s not like anyone could ask by that point.

Once we had our fill of the backyard, we went to one of the warehouses. There was a garage door on the same wall as the main door. It was used for moving large goods in and out. The warehouses themselves weren’t terribly huge, but they were lined on all four sides by shelves of all sizes. There was also room for several more, in case we ever wanted to upgrade. I could definitely store what I needed for a single airship in one of them, so running out of space wouldn’t be a problem any time soon.

That pretty much concluded the tour. Cutie Dream led us back to the living room and plopped her neon green ass down on one of the couches. “So, do you have any questions?” she asked once she was settled.

“How much is this place?” I asked.

“Twenty-five thousand bits,” she immediately answered. Watcher quietly whistled.

I looked over at Silver. “How bad is that gonna hurt?” I asked her.

“You could buy this house and never earn a single bit afterwards and die of old age before you’d run out of bits to pay your employees,” she replied.

“I’m gonna live for a thousand or so years.”

“...You could pay me until I died of old age without ever running out of bits, then. Point is, you could handle it. That’s just counting the actual amount of gold you have, not throwing in any of your assets.”

I looked back at the realtor. “And you said the other house is a beat up piece of shit that’s been on the market for at least six years?”

“I didn’t say that, silly! I just said that it needs some renovations and it’s been on the market for a while because of it. I showed it to Silver Quill and she loved it!”

My accountant cleared her throat and our gazes turned to her. “I loved one aspect of it,” she said. “It overlooks the waterfall. Aside from that, you’d put more bits into repairing that house than you would buying it, and it would take at least two weeks for it to be remotely liveable. Or at least, comfortably liveable. It would likely require considerably more repairs to be presentable, to the point where you’d sink in twice as much money into that house as this one or Rosepetal would cost initially.”

I looked over to Watcher and Taya. “Thoughts?”

“This house is really nice, mommy,” Taya said. “I liked the looks of the rose place, but this place is amazing!”

“It’s nice to have a house you can mold into whatever you want,” Watcher said. “And you do have the money to do that. If you have the time and the inclination to completely rebuild a property to make it exactly what you want, I’d say checking out the other one would be worth it. After all, I’d rather pay twice as much for something that’s exactly what I want than half as much for something that’s partially what I want. That said, this house is definitely nice and time isn’t exactly something we have in excess at the moment. If you ever get the desire to move, you could have this house sold in a matter of weeks and you could pick whatever new home you want.”

“I’ll take it,” I said, looking back at Cutie Dream. She squeed and flew over to hug me. I accepted it stoically and waited for her to back away, though she was still beaming.

“If you’ll come with me, I’ll get you all the paperwork you’ll need!” she said.

“I’ll take care of that,” Silver quickly replied. “It should take two or three days to get all the paperwork in order between your bank, the previous owner, and the realtor. I’ll let you know when it’s officially yours. If you want to change the name of the estate, let me know and I’ll make it happen.”

“I think I like Stormview Estate,” I said. “It’s fitting and I don’t see any reason to change what everyone already knows the place as.”

“Stormview it is,” Silver said with a nod. She looked back at the realtor. “We can get started as soon as you’re ready.”

Cutie jumped forward so that she was practically in Silver’s face and her eyes went half-lidded. “My place or yours, Silvy?” she quietly asked before licking her lips.

Silver blushed and looked away. “Y-yours is fine,” she awkwardly replied.

Cutie Dream stepped up next to her and put a wing around her back. “Then let’s go warm up together, shall we?” She giggled and began dragging my very uncomfortable looking accountant with her. We followed, because none of us really wanted to get locked inside. Once everyone was out, the crazy bitch released Silver Quill long enough to lock the door before wrapping her with a wing again and leading her away, yammering about all the things they’d get to do together.

I had no interest in boring paper work, so I zoned them out and turned to Watcher and my daughter. “I think we may have lucked out on this one,” I said. “It’s pretty far from the city center and there aren’t too terribly many other houses around.”

“That’ll make getting things from stores harder,” Watcher replied. “Including trade goods. But it’s good for privacy, minus the massive windows. I think it was a pretty good choice, though I also wish you had at least considered Rosepetal.”

“I killed one of the owners,” I said. “I’m not living there. End of discussion.” He shrugged.

“I like it,” Taya said with a nod. “It’s a perfect place to practice magic. I can throw all kinds of dangerous spells off the side of the mountain without risking anything.”

“And the cellar will be a good place to practice as well,” Watcher said. “We might need to dig out some external doors to facilitate that, though. We might also need to put gates in front of the warehouses, along with more large doors next to said gates. But all things told, the small renovations it needs will be a lot easier and cheaper than rebuilding basically an entire estate.”

“Gilda already claimed the unofficial housewarming party,” I said. “Should I let Fleur or Pinkie throw the official housewarming party?”

“Fleur,” Taya immediately answered.

“Both,” Watcher said a moment later. “And ask if Rarity would be willing to act as a go-between. That way, you get a fun adventurer’s party that’s more your speed rather than a boring and stuffy noble’s party. I know your reputation isn’t exactly the best right now, but you don’t want everyone to think you’re just another noble now. You still need to have some individuality.”

I reached down and booped him on the nose. He pursed his lips. “It’s my way of showing I care, Watcher,” I said. “So deal with it.” His eyes rolled. “That’s a pretty good suggestion, anyway. I was actually heading to Fleur’s house next. I’ll ask her if she’d be interested.”

“If you’re going there, I’ll head back to the ship,” Watcher said. “I still need to finish the demon information. Having a proper desk and a sizable enough room will be nice.”

“Use the ship’s planning room,” I said with a shrug. “Silver Quill’s been doing that with her accounting stuff.”

“...That is actually a very good idea,” he said. “I think I’ll do that. I’ll see you when you get back to the ship, my ladies,” he said with a shallow bow. With that, he hurried off to get back to work.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being called that,” Taya whispered.

“You and me both,” I sighed, tousling her hair. “You and me both…” We started walking back to downtown Canterlot, since I didn’t really know how to get to Fleur’s house from where we were. Once I got to a familiar place, it only took us about fifteen minutes to amble our way there.

Unfortunately, Fleur and Kat weren’t there. Not so unfortunately, Fleur left a note on her front door directing anyone interested in her beauty show to head to the opera house. I had absolutely no idea why there of all places, but that’s where we went next. It took getting directions from a guard, but we made it in another twenty minutes.

Proof that being a walking abomination was finally paying off came in the form of us getting let through immediately. We bypassed a fairly long line of mares (and what looked like a few very feminine stallions) that were waiting out front, presumably there to audition for the role of Miss Equestria. Some part of me was wondering why they didn’t just use the mare that won the actual Miss Equestria contest, but I honestly didn’t care and didn’t feel like asking.

We got to bypass the line, but Fleur was still busy with someone who was auditioning. So instead, one of the opera house employees took us to Kat’s dressing room. The employee knocked and said, “Miss Katrina, you have guests.”

The door slowly opened a few minutes later. A very bored looking Kat was on the other side, though her face lit up when she saw me. “Nav!” She jumped forward and hugged me. I had to hug her back to stop from falling over at her sudden weight. Her legs actually started kicking before wrapping around me as she sighed in delight.

“Good to see you too, Kat,” I said. Not quite so sure that’s an appropriate way for a vassal to greet her lady, but I’m okay with that.

She seemed to realize what a breach of decorum it was and she finally regained her feet and let me go. Her face was lit up bright red and her ears were twitching like crazy, but she was still smiling. “It’s… very nice to see you, my lady. Please, come in!” She stepped aside and waved an arm into her room. Taya and I let ourselves in and Kat followed, closing the door behind herself.

“Fleur’s kinda skimping, ain’t she?” I asked as I looked around. The room was extremely basic, not at all something I expected Miss Egypt to be set up in. There were a few mostly empty clothing racks, a single chair with a relatively small mirror, and a small amount of grooming supplies. Even the lighting was fairly minimal, though that mattered less with Kat’s cat eyes.

“All of the rooms are shabby,” Kat said. “This isn’t going to be where the actual contest is held, so she didn’t go all out. At the moment, she’s just trying to get all the contestants together.”

“How’s that going?” I asked.

“Fairly well. Kumani actually showed up asking for her a few days ago, so that got her a dragon. She also has me, a changeling, a sheep, a cow, a griffin, and a zebra. She’s currently auditioning for ponies right now. She’s waiting on a reply from the dogs and she asked our naga friend to carry a flyer to his home. He told her not to hold her breath, but she’s staying optimistic.”

“Yeah, she always does. Any word from the minotaurs?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I doubt it. I also mentioned gorillas, monkeys, elephants, lions, spiders, kobolds, and all other types of things to her, but she didn’t seem interested in trying her luck with most of them. I don’t think she wants to make the first attempt at this too large.”

“Speaking of spiders…” I said, looking around the room again.

“He’s helping Fleur with the lighting,” she said. “It keeps him out of sight of the other contestants and helps him feel useful. It also saves on labor costs. Renting this space out is apparently not cheap.”

“Yeah, I fucking bet. Now, how are you doing? Last time we spoke, it wasn’t that great.”

She lifted her right paw and stared at it as the smile left her face. Thankfully, it was currently covered in a fairly thin glove. “The gloves stop the effects. After some experimentation, we discovered that my left paw opens things and my right paw locks things. Permanently, it seems. And they don’t reverse each other. Once something is locked, it stays locked. The original key becomes worthless.”

“What about your mind?” I asked. “You haven’t been dreaming about the maze anymore.”

That put a small smile back on her face and she dropped the paw. “I haven’t been. Thank you, my lady. What I went through still… haunts me, but what you did seemed to break the curse on me. Cascade is slowly seeing more and more of my subconscious. She thinks she’ll be back to normal soon. Once she returns to Canterlot, she’ll check me over in person.”

“They aren’t back yet?” I asked.

“They had to make a few stops,” she said. “Though Cascade isn’t telling me the details. She told me half of them will be back in a few days while the others will be going to Atlantis for a week or two.” She cocked her head to the side for a moment before blinking. “Oh, I see. Huh. I guess that’ll give Fleur a chance to ask the sea ponies, too.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Apparently Celestia sent an ambassador to the sea ponies after we left. The two nations have been talking for a while. The water elementals are returning to talk with the sea ponies more formally about what they know of Celestia after observing her. Apparently part of the negotiations Celestia is doing will free all of the sailors trapped in the palace you visited. She’s supposed to be sending someone to pick them up shortly.”

“Tch. Most of them are fucking pirates. I can’t imagine she’ll let them go free.”

Kat shrugged. “The ambassador said they served their time. Of course, knowing Celestia, that doesn’t really mean anything. Given what you told me about the conditions down there, I wouldn’t be surprised if none of them ever set foot on another boat in their lives.”

“True. Whatever. I need to talk to Fleur, but if she’s currently busy, she won’t be much use anyway. Do you know when she’ll be available?”

“Hours. There’s no telling how many. I’m glad she isn’t having me run around right now. Ever since I figured out how this curse works, she’s had me doing all kinds of things. I never expected you could use blackmail to increase a reputation, but it’s apparently working out pretty well for both of you right now.”

Not even gonna ask. “Is there any reason in particular you need to be here?”

“I’m not leaving without Spider and Fleur might need my help at any time. I’m not allowed to watch the applicants compete and most of the other contestants are boring. I tried talking to Kumani, but all she does is pace, give me single word replies, and ask about you. I don’t even know how she found out about this contest.”

“That would be me,” I replied. “I told her about it while I was a dragon. She didn’t realize it was me, though.”

“Oh. Then I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t tell her where you were. I figured she might be upset with you, so I didn’t want her to get any ideas.”

“She’s not upset. She just wants to talk. I may as well deal with her while I’m here.” It was kinda tempting to let her stew for a while, but there was no real reason for that. Explaining the tail might be awkward, but whatever. Speaking of which… “So what do you think about my new addition?” I finally asked, spinning to the side to show Kat.

“Cascade told me,” she quietly said, staring at it. “I’m sorry this keeps happening to you, Nav. I know if I…” She shivered and continued, “I don’t think I could handle it as well as you have.”

“Well, I’ve had a lot of practice,” I said with a shrug. “I’m a horrific abomination at this point. There’s almost nothing human left of me.”

Taya stepped forward and hugged my side. “But I love every piece of you anyway, mommy.”

“Even my weird, crooked toe?” I asked.

“Especially your weird, crooked toe,” she sighed as she pulled me tighter.

“I don’t love that part of you, but I do think it’s amusing,” Kat said. “Your little toes are so adorable.”

“Tch, those’ll probably go next. Or maybe my arms. I might start a betting pool on the ship.”

“I’ll throw in on the left leg,” Kat said. Taya snorted.

“Anyway, back to semi-serious matters, I’m currently in the process of buying a house here in Canterlot. Well, house is the wrong word. Estate is better. It’ll have room for pretty much everyone, yourself included. You’re welcome to stay with Fleur until it’s officially mine or you can join me back on the ship. I probably won’t have many tasks for you until I own the house.”

“Do you know how long that’ll take?” she asked.

“Silver told me it’ll be a day or two if all goes well.”

“Then I’ll let Fleur know she’ll lose my services soon. I’ll stay with her until the house is ready. Do you know what you’ll have me doing?”

“Helping me fix my reputation,” I said. “I’m not really sure how, yet. That’s part of what I wanted to talk to Fleur about. I imagine I’ll figure some other stuff out, too.”

“As long as you don’t ask me to help pick out decorations. I’m awful at interior design.”

“Already taken care of, though I am gonna need more basic servants. You might could help by keeping an eye out for anyone looking to be a maid or butler.”

“I’ll be watching,” she said with a nod. “How big is the house?”

“Really big,” Taya said. “And it’s really cool, too!”

“That it is. There are four floors and a cellar. It also has a workshop, two small warehouses, a gardening shed, two airship docks, a really cool weather theme, and all kinds of little odds and ends. It’s a really nice house. I’m thinking we’ll probably be fine with two or three servants. I don’t really want to hire any, but I’m not about to clean that whole place myself and I’m damn sure not gonna cook for twenty people every day.” Although I bet I’d look great in a maid outfit, especially with the tail making it ride up…

“You should ask Doppel to interview applicants for you,” Kat said. “She’s been working with you for a while and would know what you want in a servant. She’ll also be the one working with them the most. As long as you tell her not to hire someone specifically for their sex appeal, it should work out well.”

“Good idea. I’ll drag her ass out of Ponyville once the purchase is finalized and get her to work on it. She’s been slacking off these past few months anyway. Well, aside from keeping most of the crew happy.”

“Which is more valuable than you know,” Kat said. “There are a lot more males than females on your boat, Nav. Loneliness and jealousy can really sap morale, but she makes sure it doesn’t happen. That’ll be much less of a concern now that we’re back in Canterlot, so she can actually focus on serving you directly. Having a house again should help with that.”

I wonder if she’ll go back to waking me up with oral again… “I’m looking forward to finally having this house. Living in transience for so long really got to me. It’ll be nice to settle down in a place for a little while.”

“It’s been a while since I had any place that felt like home,” Kat said. “The last home I had was… twisted. It was dark and it betrayed me.”

“Settling down like this will increase the risk on you, Kat. Do you think they’re still looking?”

“...Likely. But for one, I doubt they would be likely to make a move in Canterlot. It would take them a while to even get here. For two, I have had some thoughts about that. With my new… abilities and your help, we might be able to put an end to the organizations hunting me. It would be extremely dangerous and I could never ask you to help me, but I believe it could be done.”

“These… assassins take hits on leaders, right?” I asked. “Mostly just high ranking leaders?”

“That’s correct,” she said with a nod. “The griffin princess, the elephant king, people King Jim doesn’t like. They’ve eliminated all manner of targets in Africa and a few abroad. There’s nothing quite as destabilizing to a region as having its leadership murdered.”

“I’ll help you,” I said with a nod. She surged forward and hugged me again. I hugged back, because she was soft and warm. “That’ll absolutely weaken Discord and help you at the same time. It won’t be easy, but we’ll put those motherfuckers in the ground. Just give me a time and a place.”

“It’ll take some preparations,” Kat said in my arms. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready. I don’t know exactly where the guilds are located now, but I know where to find out. I’d like to do it before the Miss Universe pageant, because once Fleur starts advertising that I’m in it, the chances of them appearing increase. In a crowd like that, picking them out would be impossible. I’d be a sitting duck.”

“A sitting duck with as many protection spells as possible on you,” I said. “I’m not really sure what all those protection spells do, but I’m sure they exist for a reason.”

I guess she got bored of huddling in my arms, so she finally backed away, though she was still grinning from ear to ear. “Thank you, Nav. For everything.”

“You’re welcome for everything,” I replied.

“I’m afraid that won’t cut it,” she sighed, shaking her head. “I’m going to have to find some way to repay you.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” I said with a shrug. “Or not. Whatevs. Do you happen to know if Kumani is busy right now?”

“I doubt it. I’m sure she would be happy if you stopped by.”

“I was planning on it. Can Taya wait here with you for a few minutes?”

“What? Why?” my daughter immediately asked.

“Because I’m about to have a very painful conversation,” I said. “And I don’t want you to be there for it. Kumani isn’t going to hurt me.”

“That’ll be fine,” Kat said. “I can do her hair!”

Taya’s eyes widened. “What?!”

“Go for it,” I said. “We didn’t have time this morning.”

“Mommy, no!”

“Mommy, yes,” I said, booping her on the nose. “Now you be a good little filly,” I said. “I’ll be right back.” My daughter sighed in utter disappointment as I let myself out and immediately realized I had no idea where Kumani was. I refused to go back out of pride and instead found an employee and had him show me to Kumani’s room.

It only took me about thirty seconds to build up the nerve to knock on her door. I’m proud of that number. It only took her five to open it with a mildly annoyed expression on her face. When she realized it was me, she gasped. “Nav!”

“Yep, it’s—” Before I could finish, she shot forward and hugged me so tightly I felt my back pop.

“You really did make it!”

“Tight!” I hissed.

Her ears drooped and she quickly let me go, though her hands went to my shoulders. “Sorry! I just… I heard you survived, but I didn’t…” She sighed and hung her head. “I’m so sorry, Nav…”

“Do you mind if we talk in private?” I asked.

“...Right. Right, sorry.” She carefully tugged me inside and pulled the door shut. “Nav, I… You have a tail now?”

“And a demonic wing,” I said, flapping the wing in question. “I’m also legitimately haunted. I wanted to talk to you.”

“And I wanted to apologize for leaving you,” she sighed. “That was wrong, Nav. When you needed me most, I… walked away. I walked away without even trying to say goodbye.”

“Kumani, what we had was a mistake.” Her ears started twitching. “I absolutely don’t regret it, but I think we both know that it was a bad idea. We had fun while it lasted, but it shouldn’t have started to begin with.”

“I… I should have known it from the start, huh?”

“It was my first real relationship,” I said. “There were warning signs all over the place, but I didn’t know what to look for. I don’t regret it and I learned a lot. And I definitely forgive you for what you did to me. I understand why you did it.”

“Nav, you’re so… so mature. So much more mature than me. And so… so smart and nice and funny. You’re so mysterious and unique… Everything about you sticks out to a dragon. I thought if I could add you to my hoard, you would bring me status and fame. But in time, I realized that you were more than that. That you could never just be a trinket to me. You deserve so much more and I can’t deliver all of it. I’m sorry for everything, Nav…”

I reached out and grabbed one of her talons. She gently flinched and finally looked up with somewhat fearful eyes. “I forgive you for everything, Kumani. It’s all behind us now. I learned from it and I’m gonna try not to make the same mistakes.”

“...I guess I learned some things from it too. I’m still slowly learning to read. Fleur pointed me to a library, but I’ve been so nervous thinking about what I’d say to you that I haven’t been able to concentrate. And I guess I learned that relationships with mortal races aren’t wise.” That reminds me that I never did find out if Reginald actually loved Luna. “And in a way, I got to learn what it truly means to be a dragon. I didn’t tell you how I got here, did I?”

“Spike mentioned you when he got back,” I said. “But he didn’t tell me much.”

“Did he mention his friend?” she asked. “Tiamat?”

“Nope.”

“...Huh.” She shrugged and finally pulled her hand back. “Apparently he knew an older female dragon. She was probably in her early thousands. She… told me a few things. And talked me into coming here. She also told me to talk to Fleur, though it’s weird that Fleur didn’t seem to remember her. But she was delighted to have me here anyway and helped put me up until the contest.”

“Are you still gonna go through with it now that you’ve spoken to me?” I asked.

“I think so, yeah,” she said with a nod. “I don’t… I don’t know if I’m beautiful or not, but I’m gonna do my best.”

“Cool. I’m gonna be in town for a while, too. We never really had much time together in Canterlot. If either of us have some free time, do you want me to show you around the city?”

“...No thank you. I think it really might be best if we just… not.”

“Fair enough. Just know that there’s no hurt feelings here, Kumani. If you ever change your mind or if you need anything at all, just ask Fleur and she can help you get in touch with me.”

“How do you know Fleur?” she asked. “When I mentioned that I knew you, she got really excited.”

“I helped her out of a bad spot,” I said. “We’re good friends. I actually gave her the idea for this pageant. I thought it would help bring all the races closer together.”

“...You always think about the bigger picture.”

“Dragons are naturally greedy. It’s really easy for you to forget there’s more to the world than just what you see and what you want. While you’re here, I want you to remember that you’re not just here for you. You’re here as a representative for dragons across the world. What you do and how you act while this competition is going on will be what people think about when they talk about dragons. You are the ambassador for your species.”

“I never even thought about it that way, Nav… Should I really do this? I’m not… I’m not smart! Not like you, not like Spike, not like most other dragons…”

“Would most dragons even be willing to do this?” I asked. “You chose to come here. You chose to do this. You chose to become a part of the larger world. You may not think it, but you’ll be a good ambassador. You just have to relax and be yourself.”

“I think I can do that. Maybe.”

I’d certainly hope you can be yourself. “You already know Kat, so that might be a starting point. You’re both predators and some of the prey races might be wary because of that, but I’m sure you two can find a solution. Maybe ask some of them to take you two around Canterlot or something.”

“I think I might like that,” she slowly said. “But first I’m just gonna… think. I hadn’t considered why I was here, not really. I thought a beauty pageant was about looks, not about anything important.”

“It’s a good opportunity for you, Kumani. No one says you really have to go back to Iceland, after all. You could just stay here for a while, or travel by yourself. There’s no cure for ignorance quite like making friends and learning about new cultures. Maybe when you go back to Iceland, you can talk more dragons into traveling. You guys are very isolated, which I think is really kinda sad.”

“Maybe. I’m gonna try to think about it. I guess it’s kinda a lot to take in.”

That’s what she said. “Take your time,” I replied. “Believe me when I say that being the only representative for your race can be stressful. If you need advice, try talking to Spike. He’s been the only friendly dragon in Equestria for a while. His perspective might be valuable.”

“I think I will,” she slowly said. “There was a time when you thought you were a bad person, Nav. Do you still think that?”

“...No, I guess not. I hadn’t really thought about it recently.”

“No dragon would ever do what you’ve done for me,” she said. “Or what I’ve seen you do for others.”

“Well, I am definitely not a dragon.” Not if my trip to Iceland showed me anything. “It’s never too late to change, Kumani. It took me too long to realize that. Sometimes all it takes for others to do good things is to watch someone else do them first. I know it’s super optimistic and unlikely, but if you learn lessons from the ponies and act differently when you return to Iceland, you might be able to change things there.”

“Maybe. I don’t know if that’s what I want, though.”

“Just something to think about,” I replied with a shrug. “I’ll see you around, Kumani.”

“...Yeah.”

She didn’t seem interested in saying anything else, so I finally left. Another employee was waiting for me outside the door and waited until I closed it behind me to say, “Lady Fleur de Lis would like to see you, Lady Navarone.”

“Lead the way,” I replied. He bowed and did so.

Unsurprisingly, we were behind the main stage. He took me to the entrance of the stage itself. When I got onto it, I found that Fleur and a few ponies I didn’t recognize were sitting in the front row. She beamed when she saw me and trotted up to the stage. “Welcome back to Canterlot, Nav!” she happily said as she came closer.

“It’s good to be here,” I replied. “Especially after that hellish trip.”

That wiped some of the cheer off her face. “Did things not go well with the dragons?”

“That’s one way to put it,” I said. She was finally close enough to hug, so I did so. Your soft and squishy body is perfect. She hugged me back, of course. “I can tell you about it later, though.”

“And we can have… other talks as well.” I guess I brought the laptop for nothing. “I’ll have time to talk tonight. I’m sure Blossom would be delighted to join us as well.” She finally got a look behind me and gasped, then let me go. “You have a tail!”

“Yep, sure do,” I said, spinning to the side to let her get a better look. “It’s stayed surprisingly warm despite the cold weather, so I guess it’s sorta draconic.”

“How did it happen?”

“Just one of those things,” I said with a shrug. “When Twilight was turning me back, the gems I had eaten as a dragon reacted to her magic. I don’t know why it resulted in a tail, but whatever. It’s looking like it’s here to stay.”

“Uh… huh. I see. Come by my house tonight, Nav. We need to have several talks.”

“Yep. What time?”

She sighed and looked back at the other organizers for a moment before looking back at me. “I hate to do this, but I won’t be free until after seven. If you can’t make it, I can try to meet you tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll be there,” I said with a nod.

“Good. You’re free to stay the night, if you wish. I’m sure we can find some way to pass the time.”

“Maybe.” And a few ways to beat the cold. “I’ll see you tonight, Fleur.”

“Until then, my lovely human friend.” She pulled me down with magic to kiss me on the cheek, then started trotting back to the others. Unfortunately, they were all staring at me, so I couldn’t just watch her pretty ass bounce. Instead, I went back the way I came and walked back to Kat’s room.

My lovely little daughter had the grumpiest, most upset look possible on her face. If that face wasn’t directly under the most adorable curled hair I had ever seen, it might have broken my heart. As it was, I grinned as soon as I saw it and hugged her. “I love your hair!” That just made Taya groan.

“See, I told you she would like it!” Kat said.

“How did you even do this so quickly?” I asked.

“Curling irons don’t take long to heat up.”

Taya pushed me away with a glare. “If you like it so much, let her do your hair like this!”

Kat and I looked at her for a moment. Then we looked at each other. “I could,” Kat said, shrugging. “You have a lot more hair, though. Well, it’s a lot longer.”

“It’s also naturally curly. I keep it tied so it doesn’t bush up.”

Kat looked at Taya again for a moment before smirking and looking back at me. “Your little filly asked you to get a matching hair style, Navi. Are you gonna do it?”

Taya’s eyed widened. “What? No!”

I don’t think that’s quite what Taya meant, but it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. “My daughter never wants to look pretty with me. Now that she’s finally asked, who am I to say no?”

“Ugh, mommy, no!”

“Mommy, yes,” I said, booping her on the nose again. She grumbled and started muttering as Kat led me to the only chair in the room. Sure enough, there was a curling iron there. “I’ve never had this done before, so just tell me what you need.”

“I need you to just sit there and trust me,” Kat said. “Doing it with gloves is different, but not hard.” Her paws went to my hair and slowly traced it down until they got to the place I had it tied. It was down to my ass at this point while it was dry. Wet, it was lower. It was getting ridiculous and it took ages to dry off. I had been considering cutting it before I got turned into a chick. Once that happened, I didn’t see a reason to bother. “So how long are we going to be in Canterlot this time, Nav?” she asked.

“It’s probably gonna be a few months,” I replied. “My answer to Watcher and Gourd was ‘indefinitely’. We all need to be ready for Tartarus. And we need to be ready for what’s coming after Tartarus, too.”

“Which is… what, exactly?” Her paws in my hair were surprisingly calming and the curling iron felt nice and warm.

“Honestly, I don’t really know,” I said. “But I have a bad feeling. How much do you really know about what we’re doing on the ship, Kat?”

“I never really thought it was my business,” she said. “You ordered and I obeyed.”

“And you never once thought about what I was ordering you to do?”

“No, not really.”

“You know, back in my world, we had a saying. Curiosity killed the cat.”

“I know. You told me.”

“But despite that, you’re not even the least bit curious about why I’ve had that ship flying us around the world? Through all kinds of horrible landscapes and dangerous places? You never really wondered why?”

“I already said no, Nav. You don’t have to push the point.”

“And you don’t care what I’m ordering you to do?”

“Not even a little. Do your hair, make you breakfast, murder your opponents, assassinate a princess, be a perfect little noble’s vassal, lie, steal, whatever. I will obey every order you give me with a smile on my face and never ask why you’re ordering me to do it.”

“...Why?”

“Because you’re the one ordering me to.”

“Kat, what the fuck?”

She continued doing my hair in silence, slowly curling the long strands of lifeless white hair. After about a minute of thought, she said, “Before I met you, I lived by a rule. Do you know what that rule was, Nav?”

“Have a plan to kill everyone you meet?”

She snorted. “No, but that’s a good one. My rule was that the strong take what they want, when they want, how they want, and until they no longer want it or until someone stronger takes it from them. My entire life had been built around that rule. Because I said no to a person who wanted me, he bought me and made me his in every way he could. I decided to be strong and murdered him. That murder was noticed by a brotherhood of murderers. It brought me into a very dysfunctional family. But it was a family of the strong who knew exactly what it wanted from me and made me theirs in every way that they could. Do you ever wonder how the rebellion in Egypt actually started, Nav?”

“Yeah. I asked Rock about it while we were walking one day, but he wouldn’t give me details.”

“I was ordered to kill the leader of a pit fighting slave ring. It just so happens that he had picked up a fresh batch of prisoners that morning. Miguel was a murderer and Jocasta was a thief. Jocasta was likely on her way to be gang raped repeatedly and if she was lucky, she would have been sold to another slaver to be turned into a prostitute. If not, she would have been sent to die in an arena. Rock was that cat’s trainer, the one who whipped the surviving pit fighters into shape and kept them in line. I was ordered to make it a stealthy kill. He was supposed to be alone and it needed to look natural. As I watched him line up his new property and look them over, the sheer… injustice of it all struck me. In particular, the way he groped Jocasta, who was obviously terrified. I was posing as a potential buyer and walked up next to him while he was doing so. He offered to show me whatever part of her I was interested in. I slammed a knife into his face and dragged him to the ground, then kept stabbing him and stabbing him until there was nothing left of his head but mush.”

She fell silent, though her paws continued moving. It was probably weird how calm she sounded while talking about turning someone’s face into goo, but I have a jaded view on what’s weird and what’s normal. “Murdering one slave owner doesn’t just turn into a rebellion overnight,” I said.

“It only took a few minutes, actually,” she quietly said. “Once I had calmed down and looked around, I realized what I had done. I botched the contract, I murdered a powerful cat in full view of everyone, and I lost control of myself while surrounded by tons of armed guards. But a weird thing happened, Nav. Most of them were slaves. Every single one of his guards, all the cats who surrounded him, were all slaves. The only ones who weren’t slaves were the other merchants, who were horrified and immediately started screaming for their guards to stop me. It just so happened that their guards were slaves, too. All of their guards decided they had had enough, and murdered the merchants they came with. All the slaves freed each other and started looting the place for food and valuables. Jocasta and I got to talking. She was grateful for what I had done, of course. She offered to help me however I needed it. She didn’t realize I was just an assassin at the time, I suppose. Either way, after talking with her and Rock, the three of us decided we were strong enough to unite all the slaves we had with us and try to escape Egypt. So that’s what we did. We were strong enough to take the other slaves and make them do what we wanted, so we did.”

“And you met me shortly after.”

“...And I met you shortly after. Drunk on my new power. High off my newfound strength and resolve. Free for the first time in my life to do whatever I wanted to whoever I wanted. Free to take whatever I wanted…”

“...And whoever you wanted,” I softly replied. Her paws yanked my hair for a moment before easing back.

“My rule for so very long was that the strong take what they want from the weak and the weak let them because they can’t fight. I was stronger than you. I made you mine because I knew you couldn’t stop me. It was... delicious.” The purring sound she made was honestly kinda creepy. “But then you showed me something, Nav. That night when you finally told me no, you showed me something. Once again, someone had power over me. Someone had strength over me. They could make me do whatever they wanted and I would have to obey because I was too weak to stop it. And do you know what you did, Nav?”

“...I went to sleep?”

“You went to sleep,” she said. “And while you slept, I thought. What you did… floored me. I was powerless against you. I knew you found me attractive and I knew you’d want revenge for what I had done, but… you did nothing. You showed me that there was another way to live. The strong didn’t have to prey on the weak. So I started watching you. How you interacted with the camp and Spike. You never gave a single order in that camp, Nav. All you did was ask cats to do things for you and they did. You were stronger than all of us and most of us knew it, but despite that, you never gave a single order. The way you held yourself as a leader was utterly alien to us. You were strong, but you didn’t force us to obey because of it. You were strong, and you tried to make us stronger with you. You… build people up instead of ordering them down.”

“...Is that what I do?” I honestly never really thought about it.

“That’s what you do,” Kat confirmed. “That’s why I will follow you to the ends of the earth and never ask why. You showed me that my rule was wrong. You destroyed my entire worldview. I will love you until the day I die because of what you did for me. I will follow your orders to the letter. I will obey with a smile on my face, eternally happy that I am allowed to serve you.”

“Oh.”

“You’ve questioned my resolve before, Nav. Do you not trust me?”

“Wait, what? When did I question your resolve?”

“Some time after I swore myself to you, you asked me why I did it. Do you still think I want to hurt you, Nav? Is that why you question my motives?”

“I’m not… Kat, I’m not questioning your motives. You’re my friend. I want to understand you. Part of what friends do is talk. Communicate. You may be content to follow my every order without questioning it, but I want more. I don’t want you to be my mindless slave, Kat. I don’t want that from anyone. I want you to be your own person.”

“Then respect my wishes, Nav. I want to be your mindless vassal. I want that.”

“...The last time we had this talk, you said you wanted to own me.”

“And you told me no.”

“But you said you still wanted it.”

“I will want it every day for the rest of my life.”

“And you want me to trust you. Knowing that you want me. After what you did to me. You want me to trust that a simple no will be enough.”

She didn’t hesitate for a moment. “Yes.”

“Then I’ll drop it.”

“Good.” She finally finished up and handed me a mirror. “What do you think?”

That I’m an idiot and you’re a psychopath. I held the mirror up to get a good look at my hair. It actually did look pretty nice. “I like it.”

“It’ll probably only last for a few hours. Maybe a day if you’re lucky. But if you’re interested, there are ways we could make it permanent.”

“I’ll think about it.” I guess if nothing else, I can turn Kat into my hair stylist for life. “Do you happen to know what time it is?”

She looked over at a small clock on the wall. “Shortly after three.”

“Ah.” I hopped out of the chair. “Then I’m afraid Taya and I need to go. I’ll be coming by Fleur’s house later tonight, Kat. I’ll see you then.”

“Until then, my lady,” she replied with a grin and a small curtsy.

Taya and I walked away without another word. We slowly left the opera house behind us, returning to the cold, windy streets of Canterlot. “So what do you think?” I asked my little girl.

She looked up at me and tilted her head. “I think I liked it better the way it was before.”

“What do you think about Kat?”

“Oh. I like her. Are we late for something?”

I stared at her in silence for a few seconds before starting the walk back to the palace. “No.”

She easily fell into step beside me. “So why were you in a hurry to leave?”

“Are you telling me that none of what you just heard bothered you?”

“Um. Was it supposed to?”

I stopped, knelt down, and put my hands to the sides of her face. “She wants to be my slave!”

“...So?” That stumped me and she took a step back, away from my hands. “Is that supposed to be bad?”

“Yes!”

“Why?” That stumped me again. “She’s obviously pretty bad at making her own choices. I mean, I don’t know what all happened between you two, but—”

“But this is a talk we’re going to continue in private,” I said. “Let’s go.” She rolled her eyes and we continued on our way.

The walk between the opera house and the palace is usually a beautiful one. If I had been bothering to look, I would have seen all manner of smiling, happy ponies doing all kinds of smiley, happy pony stuff. I also would have seen a bunch of seasonal decorations and whatnot.

Instead, I spent the walk back in sullen silence, my mind racing. How could somebody want to be owned? How could anybody want to be a slave? Is that what Kat really wanted, or is that what Flo did to her when she messed with Kat’s head?

I was in such a hurry that I barely noticed Taya was bumping up against me every few steps and smiling with the rest of the ponies.

We got through the palace with no real issues. All the guards knew me well enough and they thankfully knew to stay out of my way. I only felt myself slow down and start to relax once we got to the skydock with the ship. Unfortunately, seeing Spike standing on the deck sent that feeling of relaxation straight in the trash. If he had been actually doing something, it might have been better. But he was just standing at the gangplank with his claws behind his back, smiling and waiting.

“Welcome back, Nav,” he said.

“Howdy. Do you want to talk about Kat?”

“Nope.”

“Then you’re next in line.”

“I’ll be waiting in my room when you’re ready. I like your hair, by the way.”

“Thanks. I think.” He backed away as Taya and I walked onto the ship and then followed us down. It didn’t feel too creepy or close or whatever, so it didn’t bother me too much.

Once Taya and I were alone, she closed the door with magic and said, “I really like Spike, too.”

“I know. You tried seducing him.” She flinched back a little. “I’m not mad, Taya.”

“I like everyone on the ship. I’m happy here, mommy.” I took a moment to look at her and realized that she was actually smiling. It wasn’t something that happened a lot.

I sat on the bed and sighed. “Kat raped me, Taya.” The smile disappeared. “Every night for a week. We’ve been dancing around the issue for a while, but there you go. Kat brutally raped me. A bunch. Almost every single person on this ship has done horrible fucking things, Taya.”

“Did you forgive her?”

“Could you ever forgive her, Taya?”

She sat down and tilted her head. “I’m not you. You accepted her oath of fealty. She hurt you, but you forgave her. You trust her. She knows that what she did was wrong. Maybe this is the punishment she decided for herself. Maybe it’s her way of undoing what she did. But does it matter? She wants to serve you. Why’s that bad? She’s obviously really bad at making her own decisions, if she thought raping you would be a good idea. So really, this is a good thing. There’s one fewer dangerous psychopath out there trying to hurt you. Instead, she’s here, trying to protect you and serve you.”

“While loving me for the rest of her life.”

“Yep.”

“And none of that strikes you as odd or weird in any way?”

She took a quick look around the room before saying, “You’re a clone-thing from the past and we’re fighting to stop the idea of discord itself. What’s normal?”

When you look at it like that… “So you’re saying don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

“...Who just gives ponies away?” she asked. What the… oh. “I’m just saying, Kat wants to serve you. She’s useful and she owes you. You’re not a bad person for making use of her. Especially after what she put you through. So use her. After all, it’s not like you can force her to make even worse mistakes.”

And I guess when you look at it like that… “Would you have ever forgiven her?” I quietly asked.

“No, I would have vaporized her the instant I could. Did we really come back to the ship to talk about this?”

“Yes, we did. Do you not consider this important?”

“...Well I mean, I really like learning more about your past. You never told me how you knew Kat, not really. I certainly wasn’t expecting… that, but I’m still happy to know. But other than that, it does kinda feel like a waste of time. Can’t we go back out and… I dunno, do something?”

“Kat just decided to be my slave.”

“No she didn’t. She decided that ages ago. She just reminded you because you keep bugging her about it. Really mommy, you’re making a bigger deal of this than it needs to be. Why can’t you just be happy? You don’t even have to pay her!”

“And you’re not even the teensiest bit worried that she might crack? She loves me, she wants to literally own me, she’s raped me before, she’s really good at torturing people, she’s really good at murdering people, and she could theoretically make me disappear. All that’s stopping her from hurting me or you or anyone is… what, exactly?”

“She doesn’t want to. Duh.”

I stared at her in silence for a few uncomfortable seconds. “According to her.”

“No, according to Deceit’s End.” I blinked. “I cast it when she started doing your hair so I’d know you were lying when it got done and you pretended to like it. Everything she said was true. She’s happy as your slave. She’s happy to obey your orders. So let her. She wins, you win. Oh, and you also apparently do like your hair curly. So what’s the big deal?”

“...We’ll go for a walk once I talk to Spike.”

She grinned. “I’ll be thinking of places to go.”

“Right.” She hopped up to the bed as I walked out and down the hall. I momentarily bypassed Spike’s room to head to the kitchen, where I found Amber and Sunny.

“Hot cocoa?” Sunny asked with a grin. The two of them were drinking some from mugs next to a large pot of it.

“Sure.” Amber floated a mug over and Sunny ladled me some. “So have any of you wondered why Kat agreed to become my vassal?”

“She told us she hurt you,” Amber said with a shrug as she floated the mug over. “We just assumed it was her way of apologizing. Why?”

I took a sip of the cocoa and felt some heat worm its way into my belly. It felt pretty good. “She told me she’ll obey every order I give without question and be happy about it. I was just wondering if you guys thought that might be weird.” The two of them looked at each other for a moment before turning back to me. “You know, relatively speaking.”

“Not really,” Amber said. “I can think of worse ways to spend the rest of my life. I’d be happy to follow every order you gave, too. I might even ask you to give more of them!”

Yeah, I bet you would. Sunny rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far, but I don’t really think it’s weird.”

“...You’re not even the teensiest bit weirded out by it?”

“The more I think about it, the more I like it,” Amber said. “Where can I sign up?”

“I’ve been weirded out by a lot of things on this trip,” Sunny said. “I’ll take weird over horrible any day, and this weird life absolutely beats the horrible one I had before I met you. This is what you want to hear, so I’ll say it: Yes, it’s weird for Kat to want to be your slave. But no, I don’t think it’s a bad thing and I don’t think you should let it bother you.”

I stared at them for a few long seconds before taking another sip. “Fuck it. When in Rome, and all that. Thanks for the cocoa, girls.”

I starting leaving the kitchen to head back to Spike’s room. “So can I be your slave?” Amber whispered.

It was quiet enough that I wasn’t quite sure I heard it, so I turned back and looked at Sunny. “Hm?”

Her horn lit up and a muzzle appeared around Amber’s face. “Nothing, my lady. Come back if you want more!”

I finally made it to Spike’s room and knocked on the door. It opened the second my knuckles hit the wood and revealed a grinning purple dragon. His eyes looked me over before settling on my mug. “Is that hot cocoa?”

“Yep. More in the kitchen if you want it.”

“...I’ll be right back.” He wandered on down and I let myself in. I almost sat on the bed before I could stop myself and think about what he and Gilda might have done on it. Instead, I settled on looking around the room. He didn’t really have it very well decorated. But then, I didn’t either, so I couldn’t judge him.

When he got back, he closed the door and said, “Those two are weird.”

“Yep. But they gave me some free hot cocoa, so I ain’t gonna look that… Well, I ain’t gonna judge ‘em. So how do you want to start?”

“By getting comfortable.” He sat on the bed and patted the spot next to him.

“...Are your sheets clean?”

“Yeah. Gilda and I mostly do things in her bed. And it’s been so cold the last few weeks that she’s been swallowing every drop anyway. Well, after swirling it around and gargling, anyway.”

“That’s more information than I ever wanted to know, thank you.” He shrugged and patted the spot next to him again. I sighed and sat next to him, though I certainly didn’t feel any more comfortable. Since we were both facing toward the door, it was kind of hard to even look at him.

“That trip to Iceland was something, huh?”

“Sure was.”

We sat in silence for a few seconds before he slowly said, “You don’t seem very comfortable.” I sipped at my delicious hot cocoa. “Nav, do I… do I make you nervous, too?”

“I don’t like sitting next to people and I don’t like talking to people when I can’t look them in the face.”

“You cuddle Taya and talk to her all the time!”

I slid over to the center of the bed, then tossed his pillow out of the way and sat with my back against the wall and my tail curled up around my side so it poked toward him. “Now I am comfortable. My legs are propped up, I can actually look at you while we talk, and I have something against my back. You don’t make me uncomfortable, Spike. You’ve worried me a few times, but you’ve never made me truly uncomfortable. I know you’re my friend and I know you’re never gonna hurt me.”

“Oh.” He also spun to the side and sat so he was facing me, then he scooted closer and grabbed one of my feet. “Do you mind if I rub them?”

“Do you… do you want to rub them?”

“Yeah. I like massaging you.”

“Knock yourself out,” I replied with a shrug. He grinned and blew some steam onto both of his claws before pulling my shoes and socks off and getting to work. It felt pretty dope. “I’m in the process of buying a house at the moment.”

“Why? You already have one in Ponyville.”

“Because that’s in Ponyville, not Canterlot. I need to be here for a while and I’m tired of living in the palace. I need a place of my own.”

“...Am I gonna have to go back to Reginald’s cave?”

“No. He’s probably in Iceland anyway, so we wouldn’t be able to get the entrance open.”

He shook his head. “He sent me a message saying he’ll be waiting in his cave for us and that he won’t leave until he speaks to us.”

Great, more bullshit to add to my to-do list. “Then we’ll do that tomorrow or the next day. What did Celestia have to say?”

“...Nothing. She wouldn’t even tell me that my father was Bahamut. She doesn’t know I know.”

“And how does that make you feel, Spike?”

His grip on my feet got uncomfortably tight for a few seconds before he relaxed. “Bad. It makes me feel bad.”

“What do you plan to do about it?”

He sighed, breathing more warm steam directly onto my feet. “Nothing,” he finally said.

“I think we both know she adopted you for a reason. That mare may say she loves you, but that doesn’t mean she won’t use you, Spike. She used Luna until Luna was all used up, then cast her aside. She may be your mother and she may love you, but—”

“I know,” he hissed, his claws going tight again. He fell silent for a few seconds before sighing and easing up again. “I know…” His claws seemed to move on autopilot, though they still felt very good.

After about half a minute of silence, I asked, “Do you still want to know what happened to me while we were in Pyrite’s volcano?”

“...Yeah.”

So I told him about my time in the cell, all the fun times I had with Pyrite on his chair, and about how pretty my new mother made me. Since a good chunk of my time was spent being dragged around, the story didn’t take too long.

By the time I finished, he was done with my feet and my mug was unfortunately empty. We sat for a few moments as he thought. He finally asked, “You said my father was Bahamut. Do you… do you know who my mother is?”

“I’m afraid not. That isn’t something Luna discovered when she rescued your egg and Bahamut wasn’t exactly in a hurry to implicate himself by talking about it. Pyrite didn’t seem to know, either. I didn’t see any female dragons anywhere near his age, though. We could ask Reginald when we see him.”

“Do you… do you think she’s still alive?”

“I honestly don’t know. Maybe. But there’s a better question you haven’t asked. Bahamut was selling eggs. Do you think she let him sell your egg or do you think he just took you from her?”

“I… I dunno.”

“I don’t either,” I said with a shrug. “But it’s something to think about. Your dad is a shitty person, Spike. It’s possible your mother is, too. I really, really hate to say it, but it might be time to just move on.”

He looked away. “How long did it take you?”

“It still hurts. It might always hurt. But I accept it. There’s no going back. All things told, you’re really not in a bad place right now.”

“...I guess not, huh?”

“Letting go ain’t easy, Spike. Especially letting go when all you really have is questions. If you want to try to find your mother next, we can do that. But I’m of the opinion that it might be time to just… let go.”

He hung his head. “After what happened to us, I think you might be right… But I’ll listen. I’ll watch. If I ever find more information, I might go looking. I won’t actively search, but I won’t give up.”

“Works for me. After Discord’s dead, if you want to revisit it, we’ll head back to Iceland and take another look. Or you can ask Reginald to ask around while he’s there and he can send you a message.”

“...Yeah, alright.”

“If you ever want to talk about any of this again, just let me know, Spike. I know this is tough on you. And if there’s anything else I can do, let me know.”

“...Well, I can think of a few things.”

“Unfortunately, I promised to spend some time with my daughter after talking to you, so anything too terribly time consuming will have to wait.”

“Oh…”

“Also, I’m going to try to teach you a few things while we’re in Canterlot. How to lie, how to stay calm under pressure, and maybe a few other little odds and ends. You said you want to learn to be like me and all of this is a long time coming.”

“Hey, you weren’t exactly all that calm after killing that purifier!”

“I was calm enough to talk our way out of getting arrested,” I replied.

“You said he tried to rape you!”

“It worked.”

“That… is fair. And I guess I could have handled it a little better…”

Like maybe trying to help me instead of just standing back as I got my shit kicked in. “Which is why I’m going to try to start teaching you how to handle shit like that better in the future. I’m not sure how yet, but I’ll figure it out. For now, though, I’m gonna go spend some quality time with Taya.”

“And I guess I’ll just be here. Alone.”

“I guess so.” I grabbed my shoes and socks and slid off the bed, then held up my empty mug. “This is for you, Spike.”

He took it without even thinking, then looked at it. “Wait, what am I supposed to do with this?”

I shrugged. “I dunno.” Then I walked out and went back down the hall to my room, where Taya was all cuddled up in my blanket again. I’m never gonna get all the fucking purple fur off my bed… “So what are we doing?”

“Getting lunch,” she replied, sitting up.

“Cool. Amber and Sunny are already in the kitchen, so—”

“Nope, we’re going out!” She hopped off the bed and floated a bag of bits over to me. “Shall we?”

“...Do you know where we’re going?”

“Yep!”

I shrugged and said, “Lead the way.” She did so with an uncharacteristically large grin on her face. Once we got back into the palace and it was just the two of us, I said, “You seem to be pleased about something.”

She blinked and a small blush came to her cheeks. “Oh, do I?”

“Yep.” You aren’t even acting like a depressing psycho. “I bet you really like having curly hair.” She shivered. “Or maybe it’s just having matching hairstyles, hm?”

The blush disappeared and she rolled her eyes. “Ugh, no. I got to talk to Twilight before you got back. She told me she was going to ask you to a festival. I’m just happy that you agreed to go.”

Why did Twilight tell my daughter I was going to be a sex toy for a week? “...And why are you happy about this?” I asked.

“A full Hearts and Hooves festival? It’s the perfect first date!”

“Wait, what?!”